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Search - "vampire"
Me: *sends email 45 minutes before a meeting*.
Boss: *20 mins into meeting*, any updates about the issues found yesterday?
Me: Yep I sent an email with an update on everything.
Boss: ok great, *shares screen*, *opens email*.
Ok want to walk us through it?
Me: ...... walk through my email?
Boss: Yeah we have everyone here in the meeting.
Me: ...... yeah I included all of them on the email.
Boss: Right, but it would be good to go through it for everyone’s benefit.
Me: *Reads email word for word, from the screen share*
I will now refer to him from this day forth as “The Time Vampire”.24
Always at home: check
Dark themes ftw: check
Black hoodie: check
At least 2 monitors: check
1k Browser tabs: check
Up all night: check
Tiered 24/7: check
Keyboard wakes my sister from 2 rooms across: check
Burns in sunlight: check
What else to be a successful programmer?29
Have guys ever thought that all te devs are vampires...
reason 1: Loves Darkness (dark theme)
reason 2: Most active during the night
reason 3: If the dev finds a capable victim then they can make them fellow dev.25
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he eats for a lifetime.
Give a man teh codez, and he eats for a day. Congrats, you fed a help vampire.
Teach a man teh codez, and you open up to him the wonderful world of tabs vs spaces, dependency hell, emacs vs vim, being everybody's personal tech support, Linux vs Windows, legacy code, stack overflow, language wars, terrible documentation, functional vs oop, and arguments about what the best indentation style is. Forget about eating, production's down.7
Been wearing sunglasses to the office for a few months now because I'm sick of bright screens, light themes of co-workers, the daylight outside that shines through the windows (I moved to another desk further away from the windows), the ceiling lights that are always on (even when there's daylight from outside, thanks boss) and people expecting me to have my eyes open in meetings when there's nothing to look at so now I can just close them and switch to "standby" while I'm still listening.
I am a devampire.8
Fuck recruiters, they are the scum of the earth. I just had one contact me out of the blue about two opportunities with companies I'd never heard off. As I knew nothing about the companies I started asking questions around who they were and what they were looking to do. He suddenly gets all defensive and refuses to answer my questions, then follows up with an email accusing me of being an "underhanded recruiter" looking to poach his clients. Sorry mate, you got in contact with me you absolute fuckwit. Without people like us you wouldn't even have a bloody job you fucking vampire. For someone that supposedly specialises in the tech sector, I had to point out that if he really doubted who I was he could drop my name into StackOverflow or github to verify that im a developer. Recruiters - they're all fucking leeches.4
In my office, we have a big glass wall (a window wall, however you wanna call it), so we don’t need to turn on the lights until 5 o’clock.
Well, even though I’m goth, I hate to work on a dark office, but two of the other programmers don’t. Actually our boss adviced us to turn on the light to prevent vision problems. Fortunately, a partner of mine always turns on the light at 5 o’clock. They complain, so he tells them “oh, you vampires!!!” And they say “Elizadeath is the vampire here!”
What do you think is better? What works for you?31
!dev !rant but still funny story
As the goth of the dev team, sometimes people ask me several things about me.
I was working on my code. It was 3 or 4PM and a bored dev asks came to me
He: Have you ever tried to be a vampire?
Me: No, I’m just a goth
He: Do you know a vampire?
Me: Unfortunately no, but I’ve heard of them.
He: Do they suck blood?
I don’t know if he was asking because of curiosity or in a sarcastic mode. As usual, I answered in a polite way explaining him what means to be a vampire, the types (blood and energetic) and the difference between a goth and a vampire.
While I was explaining to him this, the boss came into the office, heard me talking about the energetic vampires and said “Wow wow wow! What is coming on here?!” 😂33
That moment when antivirus is draining your pc's performance like a blood sucking vampire. (bitdefender)9
Today I feel like a coding vampire, let me create a new Xamarin project and boOoOost with the code!!
*Creates a clean project, finds 1492 errors* well... f*ck it4
!rant !dev Still funny office story
This happened last november. I decorated my desk for halloween (plastic bats, vampire stickers, more bats, a plastic raven, a little skeleton, etc). I also put a photo of Chris Pohl (vocalist from Blutengel, a electro-goth band).
I decided to remove all the decorations except for the raven and the Chris Pohl‘s photo.
One day, a partner and I were cheking out the code, and she suddenly saw that photo.
She: Oh, who is he? is he your boss?
S: Yes, is he your direct boss?
M: No, you‘re my boss
S: No, no, is he the vampire who you report your activities with?
M: Oh! XD No, it‘s Chris Pohl, Blutengel‘s vocalist
S: Mmm... he‘s pretty weird... his eyes...
and then, she got back to her desk.
That‘s it, continue reading rant stories 😅
P.D. What‘s the weirdest thing you have on your desk? 🤔22
Software Vampire IBM strikes again. I wouldn't be surprised if RedHat turns to shit in the next few releases.2
I got a guy who was always sleeping and talking about anime and telling bullshit that he is after uni and actually did nothing useful, he was even snoring and always turning lights on, when everyone was in vampire mode , jeeeez
When you swap day from night. Sleep starting at 5:00AM , and wake up at 3:00PM. And do stuff (coding , others) until dawn. Which makes me like a vampire.
Trying to set up a FIX connection for my project, but the guy who provides the credentials replies once a day at 11 at night. He works in the US too. I'm convinced he's a vampire now.