Found this in our codebase, apparently one of my co-workers had written this

3 years ago.....

*lunch break. In a table with 2 other co-workers*

Me: "I am going to quit today!"
Co-worker 1: "What? I am going to do that today too!"
Co-worker 2: "Are you serious? I was planning to do that too today!"
Me: "Holy cow! Let's do that today the three of us, but I am going last one. I want to see his face (our CEO)".

After couple of minutes and disagreement, we agreed to do that.

When I told him (I was the last to tell himm), he was sweating and his face was red. Started to throw offensive words towards me. I was expecting that and came prepared. BUT, in the middle of his words saying "I hire you because no one would hire you" etc, quietly and with a smile on my face, I interrupted him saying, "Look, is this going to take long? Because I gotta go somewhere and I am not in the mood to listen to you!"

He started to shake from that rage he had inside him. I know he wanted to punch me. But nothing happened.

I still remember his face like it was yesterday. :P

Epilogue:
My aunt's husband and him were best friends. He called him saying what happened. Of course, I was the one to blame. Since my parent knew what kind of guy he is, they told me "You did good for being quiet, not screaming and not acting like a child!"

A trusted-partner of my company obviously opened a dodgy email, as some of my co-workers got emails with a dodgy link from them....

So our Network Admin sent an email to the entire company with a screenshot of the email and a message along the lines of "DO NOT CLICK THE LINK IF YOU'VE RECEIVED THE ORIGINAL EMAIL!"

Company director REPLIES TO ALL and says 'i cant click the link that you sent to us'.
N.A replies directly to him to say its only a screenshot as it could spread a virus.

Director then informs N.A that that he has found the original mail (hurrah!) but the link downloaded an empty .zip file, so he forwarded the file to another director... who also couldn't open.... so they forwarded it to another person who also couldn't open it..... and they in turn forwarded it etc etc.

Currently have 37 power scans running (out of 250 computers) and trying to figure out how the hell these people manage to dress themselves every morning.

day 1 - colleague buys a mini need pistol

day 2 - other colleague buys a big nerf pistol

day 4 - other colleague buys a f#&$ nerf shotgun

day 7 - I buy a automatic nerf gun

day 8 - huge nerf war with other co-workers

day 9 - nerf weapons banned on the office

yesterday - wait colleague leave the office and shoot him on the face every time

today - everyone walking crouched leaving the office

Please, if you are the someone else's boss, don't ban nerf guns, it's worse..

I’ve had a good amount of incompetent co-workers in the past. One that stands out was this junior developer who worked at one of my previous companies. He was incompetent, but that wasn’t even his worst attribute. He was incompetent, and worse, he had a piss-poor attitude.

Myself and a few other devs at the company tried to help him, but he would literally get mad when people tried to help him. Sometimes he would even call one of us over and start getting snarky with us as we tried to help him. He was a piece of shit and a shitty developer. I don’t think he built one complete feature or fixed one bug in the year he was at the company before he was eventually fired.

Oh, and aside from his incompetence and shitty attitude, he had no sense of humor. It was so annoying. My friend and I made a little song based on his name and a group that sounded like his name, and he got pissed. We always used to sing it anyway after that and it always riled him up. I feel a bit bad about that now but he pretty much got mad at everything so whatever.

One of my favorite memories of him is when he was leaving one day, my good friend/co-worker and I were having a Nerf gun battle. The junior was leaving the office, and my friend tried to get him involved in the battle and shot him, but accidentally hit him in the back of the head. He said nothing, didn’t turn around, and just walked out lol. He was not happy about it.

I have a couple of stories that I think are memorable from co-workers quitting in funny/interesting ways.

1. At one of the first companies I worked at, they gathered everyone to make an announcement that began with, “this is just a reminder, any heavy objects/packages need to be removed through the freight elevators, and cannot be taken through the main lobby.” We’re all thinking OK... why are you telling us this. Next part of the announcement was, “so and so (co-worker) is no longer with the company.” Apparently, which we found out later, the guy either quit/and/or got fired and wheeled his desk chair out the front door through the lobby (keep in mind this is an office on one of the busiest avenues in Manhattan). The whole thing was crazy. That’s the last we ever heard about him.

2. This one was strange. A really quiet dev at one of my previous companies was clearly constantly bored at work (he barely had any responsibility and was pretty much ignored) but the job was pretty cushy. One day, he was out from work, and no one thought much of it. Then he was out another day, then another, and before we knew it, it was like a week. No one knew where he was. Eventually, he sent an email saying he got stuck out of he country or something and he wouldn’t be coming back. Ok... weird, but kind of made sense.

But, one of our ops guys was able to see the ip/location of where he logged on to send the email, and it was right from NYC! So pretty much this guy was just fed up, left one day (with no notice), and just never came back. And then lied that he was out of the country when trying to explain is hasty departure.

When my co-workers thinks it is fun to add this to my bashrc when i was away:

alias cd='exit'

2 of my co-workers don't know that they shouldn't write any code after return statement of a function

Non dev co-workers: Dude add us on Facebook.

Me: I don't have Facebook.

Non dev co-workers: Instagram?

Me: I don't use Instagram.

Non dev co-workers: Oook, what about Twitter?

Me: I deactivated my account permanently long ago.

Non dev co-workers: Huh? So what the heck are you always looking at on your phone laughing and stuff?

Me: devRant!

Non dev co-workers: Huh?

Me: DEVRANT!! (*shows them devRant*)

Non dev co-workers: What the heck is that?

One of the co-workers: guys, he's a hacker.

Me: *face palm*

fuck!!! today I have fallen for the windows is updating prank
Co workers opened the fake windows update website, disconnected the keyboard and mouse
let's just say I sat there for a really loooong time.. cursing windows

I've been fortunate enough to work with a lot of awesome people early into my career.

At the company I worked where I met @trogus, I became friends with a few people, including Tim, that I think were my favorites. It was a really fun bunch and though it may sound immature, but a lot of the times it felt like we were kids so for me coming out of college it was awesome.

There's so many stories from working with that bunch that come to mind for me. One of my best friends there was this guy "Dirty Devin." He started around the same time I did. When I first met him he seemed really boring and professional. After getting to know him, and after he'd been at the company for a few weeks, his actual personality started to show and he was like a child (in the best way possible) and was absolutely hilarious/made the work place a blast.

Our office had a ping pong table and neither Dirty Devin or I had ever really played. We started playing against each other and we both very quickly got really good.

I also met a guy named Botond (he's the one in the photo). He was very similar to Dirty Devin. Lots of crazy stories but the photo is actually a really funny one - we both got to work a few minutes early one day. And we couldn't get into the office. We kept trying to enter the door code and it wouldn't work. We kept joking that we must both be fired. Turned out that they had fired someone the night before and didn't bother to send out the new door code :/

And of course, Tim. I think we clicked pretty early on and had the same friend group at the company.

A Geologist and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Geologist leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Geologist persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the Engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The Geologist now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"

This catches the Engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Geologist asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?"

The Engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the Geologist.

Now, it's the Engineer's turn. He asks the Geologist, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The Geologist looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers -- all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

The Geologist is more than a little miffed, shakes the Engineer and asks, "Well, so what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the Geologist $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.

Best prank on me: Airborne under my chair rigged to go off when I sit.

Best prank I pulled: Recorded my laugh and assigned it as everyone's office ringtone. I still have co-workers check their phone when I laugh.

All of the questions I got from my co workers today could were solved by googling their error.

Now I question their ability to even use a computer.

Resist the urge to punch some of my co-workers.

I went out of office for a while, and when I was going to sit on my desk, a co-worker said me “Elizadeath, the boss wanna talk with you”. I was concerned, I though “maybe something broke in production code, or they need an urgent code, I don’t know”.

Well, that wasn’t what I expected.
“Elizadeath” she said “I’m seriously worry about you. I saw the plastic bottles our team has collected for the recyling project, and I realized that most of the Coca-Cola bottles came from you!”

Yes, it was a Coca-cola addiction intervention 😂 I’m drinking more water and less coke from now, for my health 😊

Working @ home means good co-workers

Got fired as expected. It's been a funny morning lol.

Co-workers, all of them, had a face of concern because they know how much was on my plate, and how much shit they have to eat.

Ahh, I know I should be worried, but feels like all the chains have been removed. Also, the boss is gonna pay me till next week, so I have some money.

Finally, I can work on my side projects woohoo!

Fuck this place! Now I know how much toxic it was, because getting fired made me fucking happy.

Chinese co-workers visiting in our European office would just loudly fart in the office, no problem.

Then they'd be VERY embarrassed at someone using a toothpick after lunch.

Interesting cultural differences.

Noisy co-workers are driving me insane 😁

This is my work desktop. Since I'm working in a Japanese office, they're very specific about making sure your workspace is clean and tidy at all times. Also they expect you to have very little to no personal items on your workspace.

The mini whiteboard is my best tool. It makes it easier to work out minor concepts or to explain things to co-workers.

No matter how much we complain about our programming language, our bosses, our co-workers, our teams, or anything else....

We'll never trade our Profession (coding) for any other job in the World.
That's How We Roll.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I realize now I probably shouldn't have called out my manger's bullshit if I wanted to keep my job. We were told to work a Sunday and our PO called it a "Smack-a-thon."

I said, "No let's not use stupid names. Let's call things what they are. This is a management failure Sunday."

That was during new hire lunch, in front of my manager.

I worked the first Sunday. I refused to work the second one. I've also been refusing to work over 45 hours a week.

So I guess I could have seen it coming. My manager didn't even have the gums to do it himself. He had the HR lady do it, while I was working remote from home. She told me it wasn't a 9 to 5 shop and that people there are expected to work long hours (People on my team are working 80+ a week for several months).

I took the train in to get my stuff. No one was there. My computer already gone. Couldn't even say "Go fuck yourself to anybody."

So I feel better now. I haven't taken a day of since I started in February, so it's time for some vacation and an unemployment check.

It was a really terrible job, and terribly mismanaged. I'm glad I stood my ground and knew what I was worth. I wish my co-workers had done the same.

I should have tried to start a union.

1. Do you know why my computer is so slow?
2. What cellphone do you recommend me to buy? (They always end up buying the cheapest)
3. What do you do at work? (Answer: "I create applications". Anything more complex than that is not going to be understood or they will loose interest)
4. Something is wrong with the: [TV, Cellphone, microwave, etc.]. Could you please take a look? (Believe or not, if something works with electricoty, my family thinks I can fix it).
5. Is it true that if I send this WhatsApp message to all my contacts I will have more options?
6. I need to build an application that (pretty much The Matrix), how much time do you need and how much would cost? Don't you dare to give me wrong numbers. (We have to see the future)
7. (Continuing the previous point, a non-technical client) I don't think that would take so much time/money. (Every time)
8. I want to use the latest Front-End frameworks. I want to see all those beautiful animations in my page and that it runs smoothly... I also need that it runs in IE 5.
9. So, you have been working in the back end? If you don't have a screen to show to the client is like you didn't do anything in this sprint.
10. Why haven't you built and million dollar application? Everybody is doing that right now....

Yep, those are only a few downsides of our profession if we count family, friends and even co-workers. But I can't imagine myself doing anything else.

This applies to some of my co workers in my previous job

Lost interest in work for the day, changed a co-workers upload function to target pornhub.
Now we wait....

The best co-workers for me !?
1- devRant
2- Stack Overflow
3- google

"Everyone must attend this meeting. It's really important that you all attend".

Me: *walks into meeting with other co-workers

Host: So what should we discuss today?

Co-worker 1: We can discuss how we did on the recently completed project.

Host: We'll save that for next meeting.

Co-worker 2: Any strategic plans for upcoming project?

Host: That too, for next meeting.

Me: Black Panther.

Host: That was actually a great movie. I saw it over the weekend. Who else saw it? ....

Me (in my thoughts): Just wow! 😂

PS: I still haven't seen that movie.

I vehemently despise the popular image of developers as borderline autistic savants living on junk food and working 24 hour days!

You see, I bought into that vision and became that person. When I first started working as a developer, I would work crazy long hours, eating junk food while neglecting my health and personal life. This behavior was encouraged by my boss and co-workers, and became expected, with the sales people boasting about it to the clients, like is somehow proved I was a better developer.
It's no big surprise that this kind of life comes at a cost and can not be sustained. I burnt out, my life fell to pieces and my body fucked out on me.
It's taken me years to repair the damage and I am still doing so.
I now work at a company that understands the importance of a healthy work/life balance, and I take full advantage of that.
Perhaps if I had a wise mentor when I first started, I could have worked smarter instead of harder and respected the needs of my mind and body.
I am that mentor now.

Developers are smart people, we should stop glamorising a stupid lifestyle.

My mother-in-law asked me to reinstall her laptop. I made a deal with her that I will happily do that, but only if it can be a Linux distribution.
She eventually after asking questions about it agreed.
She don't want to go back anymore.

Funny enough, the co-workers didn't understand why is her laptop slightly looks different, so they started to tell her , that the laptop is full with virus.

I explained her that she doesn't even have system privilege to install one even if she wants.

She was happy with the answer :D

god have mercy on my co-workers :P

I'm torn between telling my co-workers about devRant or not telling them so I can rant about work.

It's how my co-workers and I quit,
When the incompetent COO joined the previous company I worked for (my previous rants contain stories about him)

Five of us from a seven people team found better jobs (salaries and company wise)

Walked up to the CEO and handed the resignations one after another, stating our reasons for leaving

COO's face was like a coin that got run over by a train

Reason #387 I wish I worked from home:

Some dude at this office needs to be banned from toilets. I'm pretty sure he craps in his hand then tries to swat it into the bowl with a slotted spoon.

In my short time of working in the IT industry, I have seen my co-workers treated badly during their notice period before resignation.
The question is why!!??
So, today when I found this story, I knew it will stay with me forever ..

A Geologist and a developer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Geologist leans over to the developer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Developer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Geologist persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the Developer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The Geologist now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"

This catches the Developer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Geologist asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?"

The Developer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the Geologist.

Now, it's the developer's turn. He asks the Geologist, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The Geologist looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers -- all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50. The developer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

The Geologist is more than a little miffed, shakes the developer and asks, "Well, so what's the answer?"

Without a word, the developer reaches into his wallet, hands the Geologist $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.

That moment you leave the office for the last time in 2018.

FAWK YEAH!

What a year it’s been, from learning new platforms, to developing never ending changes, to breaking production at Christmas time, and finishing the year at the peak of purchasing period on a couple of websites with no reason to care what happens for several weeks all while absorbing extra projects from resigning co-workers.

*Turns on autopilot and walks the fuck out*

From one exhausted dev to the rest of you, enjoy the holiday break!

Best co workers are ones you learn from, everyday

Really upbeat quirky music on full blast. That really gets me pumped up.

*Story Time*
In my previous company, I had the best co-workers both technically and personally. So this one time we had a product launch scheduled and there was a shit load of tasks that had to be done before the launch. The entire team used to work for 18 hours straight almost daily to meet the deadline. Sometimes stress used to get the better of us, so to help ourselves relax, we used to play pranks on each other. Like this one time one of my friends had left his email logged in. Obviously we shot out a mail to the entire company group that I have become a dad. The funny part about this was he wasnt even married. So things like these used to keep us going and there was always laughter and fun going around.

It's enough. I have to quit my job.

December last year I've started working for a company doing finance. Since it was a serious-sounding field, I tought I'd be better off than with my previous employer. Which was kinda the family-agency where you can do pretty much anything you want without any real concequences, nor structures. I liked it, but the professionalism was missing.

Turns out, they do operate more professionally, but the intern mood and commitment is awful. They all pretty much bash on eachother. And the root cause of this and why it will stay like this is simply the Project Lead.

The plan was that I was positioned as glue between Design/UX and Backend to then make the best Frontend for the situation. Since that is somewhat new and has the most potential to get better. Beside, this is what the customer sees everyday.

After just two months, an retrospective and a hell lot of communication with co-workers, I've decided that there is no other way other than to leave.

I had a weekly productivity of 60h+ (work and private, sometimes up to 80h). I had no problems with that, I was happy to work, but since working in this company, my weekly productivity dropped to 25~30h. Not only can I not work for a whole proper work-week, this time still includes private projects. So in hindsight, I efficiently work less than 20h for my actual job.

The Product lead just wants feature on top of feature, our customers don't want to pay concepts, but also won't give us exact specifications on what they want.
Refactoring is forbidden since we get to many issues/bugs on a daily basis so we won't get time.
An re-design is forbidden because that would mean that all Screens have to be re-designed.
The product should be responsive, but none of the components feel finished on Desktop - don't talk about mobile, it doesn't exist.
The Designer next to me has to make 200+ Screens for Desktop and Mobile JUST so we can change the primary colors for an potential new customer, nothing more. Remember that we don't have responsiveness? Guess what, that should be purposely included on the Designs (and it looks awful).
I may hate PHP, but I can still work with it. But not here, this is worse then any ecommerce. I have to fix legacy backend code that has no test coverage. But I haven't touched php for 4 years, letalone wrote sql (I hate it). There should be no reason whatsoever to let me do this kind of work, as FRONTEND ARCHITECT.

After an (short) analysis of the Frontend, I conclude that it is required to be rewritten to 90%. There have been no performance checks for the Client/UI, therefor not only the components behave badly, but the whole system is slow as FUCK! Back in my days I wrote jQuery, but even that shit was faster than the architecuture of this React Multi-instance app. Nothing is shared, most of the AppState correlate to other instances.

The Backend. Oh boy. Not only do we use an shitty outated open-source project with tons of XSS possibillities as base, no we clone that shit and COPY OUR SOURCES ON TOP. But since these people also don't want to write SQL, they tought using Symfony as base on top of the base would be an good idea.
Generally speaking (and done right), this is true. but not then there will be no time and not properly checked. As I said I'm working on Legacy code. And the more I look into it, the more Bugs I find. Nothing too bad, but it's still a bad sign why the webservices are buggy in general. And therefor, the buggyness has to travel into the frontend.

And now the last goodies:
- Composer itself is commited to the repo (the fucking .phar!)
- Deployments never work and every release is done manually
- We commit an "_TRASH" folder
- There is an secret ongoing refactoring in the root of the Project called "_REFACTORING" (right, no branches)
- I cannot test locally, nor have just the Frontend locally connected to the Staging webservices
- I am required to upload my sources I write to an in-house server that get's shared with the other coworkers
- This is the only Linux server here and all of the permissions are fucked up
- We don't have versions, nor builds, we use the current Date as build number, but nothing simple to read, nonono. It's has to be an german Date, with only numbers and has always to end with "00"
- They take security "super serious" but disable the abillity to unlock your device with your fingerprint sensor ON PURPOSE

My brain hurts, maybe I'll post more on this shit fucking cuntfuck company. Sorry to be rude, but this triggers me sooo much!

Let's see here, we have:
🤡 Creepy Cackle Guy: watches videos all day and cackles like a hyena, plus constantly farts, and complains a lot. He gets everyone gassed up, no pun intended.

😤Bitchy PM: argues with you about every little thing, lies to pad her metrics while screwing the dev's metrics over. Also lies about what clients say to force launch or what she feels client should do. Rude to clients & co-workers. Runs and tattles to higher ups when people call her out on her shit. Nobody can stand her, she get's the entire office upset.

🙉Darth Vader: I don't think this one needs explaining. He breathes SO freaking loud you can hear it across the room. He also won't talk to anybody. Ever.

🤐The Non-Stop Flapper: nice person, but chats you non stop about their mundane life events, even when your status is set to busy or they know you're swamped. Asks irrelevant questions all day, every day. Heart of gold but needs to reel in the chatting.

🤬 Mr.Rage: whines about EVERYTHING. I mean everything. Has also thrown his food on me once over a joke about pizza. Wants to move up to programming but cant program.
---
So between them all, I scream on the inside daily. 🙊😫😢

Best co-workers? Umm, does Google and stackoverflow count?
Coz I am sole IT guy in my company....

We have open office. I had this co-worker Intern who sits right at the corner of the development team and farts silently. Sometimes there's no smell or little but sometimes it smells like he has shit on this pants.

No one knew that he was the one who farts in the office because he was always quiet and doing his job and doesn't react whenever anyone says anything to him.

On a friday evening when we were having drinks with other coi-workers in the office, he got high and told everyone that he was the one who farts silently in the office. Actually that was his last day of Internship too.

I'm reluctant to introduce devRant to my co-workers because I'm worried they might connect the dots and realize I've been complaining about them :/

My Co-Workers/Team are the only reason I stay at my job. Lots of shenanigans go down & we all know how to have fun and make light of our shitty work load and rude clients. 😜🤓 (this pic is 1/2 my team)

I built a custom web app for my wife.
She uses Adwords all day long and there mapping tool for radiuses sucks, so I wanted it to be easier for her.
She ended up letting her co-workers use it too, and they love it.
It has copy and paste functionality so that you can save the custom map and open it later.
Today, one of her co workers accidentally emailed a link to this custom web app to a client. He opened the link, and declared it to be the best thing since sliced bread.

Unfortunately, not my client, not my job ... so, it really doesn’t mean much for my career. But it did make me feel good.
Thinking maybe create account functionality and start selling subscriptions. Could be a few extra bucks a month. Lol.

So I had a fun week.

It started off with my boss replying to a co-workers email where he sent his new bank account, saying he doesn't need it untill we close off some baddly planned projects, meaning no paycheck.

Needless to say we were working night and days including weekends on it and put our best into it.

For the next part I need to explain a little background. We have this old legacy system I'm working with for the past 3 years. I keet raising the red flag we need a new one. Nothing happened. So every time I worked with it I kept thinking how to improve the parts. Almost two years went into thinking and planning the new system untill I got a green light. It was most satisfying - the day I got to build something good and awesome. I drew all the data structures, laid out the foundations and started building ontop of it. It was amazing and I was really proud of it. Then suddendly client wanted to see something and the decision was made we threw it together quickly with the old legacy system. It was on hold 'till then due to work overload.

Boss wrote me this week if I can put the project from git on a server, where he out sourced the completition into India where they will finish it. On thr question if they can't work on git, he replied: "should they?" -.-

To top it all up, I got a notice at the end of the week if I don't fill his shit time tracking system (that takes me one hour/day to insert all entries) by monday he'll deduct a sizable portion of my paycheck.

I AM WORKING FOR YOU ALL THE FUCKING TIME BECAUSE YOU LACK RESOURCES AND I THOUGHT A TEAM STICKS TOGETHER AND SAVES EACH OTHERS ASS! I DONT HAVE TIME TO ENTER YOUR FUCKING STUPID TIME ENTRIES IN YOUR FUCKING BUGGED SYSTEM EACH DAY ON TASKS THAT DON'T EVEN EXIST BITCH! MAKE IT BETTER FIRST!! OH! AND NO ONE IS MORE QUALIFIED TO FINISH THAT PROJECT THAN ME, I POURED MY FUCKING HEART INTO IT YOU PRICK!

woah.

I fucking hate people who tell me what i should do when they obviously dont know a fucking inch of anything related to the dev world fucking idiots ruining my day with fucking retarded orders.

I AM THE DEV UR THE FUCKING MANAGER STAY AT UR FUCKING PLACE

I've been a programmer for years now. I've slowly been getting promotions and I'm a senior developer at a large company.

to anyone I look as if I am an extremely good programmer however I constantly feel out of place. I feel like I am way worse at coding than my co-workers and people underneath me but I keep getting complimented on it.

I feel like a fake.

does anyone else feel this?

Why the fuck do people have to be fucking lazy as hell? There is a dishwasher in the kitchen. Please put your fucking dirty dishes there and NOT ABOVE on the tray!
Also when you take a dump at the toilets: BE FUCKING QUIET! You sound like you are fucked from behind by a T-Rex! You can breath without making sounds!
And for christ sake: If you come into the bathroom please check the fucking signs on the locks BEFORE you try to enter! It is annoying as hell to sit there minding my own business while some douchebag tries to enter my rest room!

Are there any other developers out there who find that people judge their skills based on the color scheme they use in an editor?

I started programming with software that only offered one color scheme and have never felt the need to move away from it since I'm used to it.

While I'm sitting in the office, co-workers often come up to me, take one look at the fact I'm using a light color scheme and feel the need to try and convert me to the dark side as if that will make me a better developer.

Does anybody else experience this?

Is there an online course for common sense and logic my fucking co-workers need it

Happiness is when you hear your co-workers praising you while you're not in their sight 😃😃

So, after weeks of reading spicy rants from all of you, I finally decided to join your community ; even if I'm only a student, I've encountered some solid crap in my internships.

Let's go back in time bois. Two years ago, I started my first intership at a Fortune 500 company (this doesn't exists in France, but whatever, this is nearly the same category). I was supposed to build some file sharing system for the office. Before getting into it, I briefly thought aboyt what technos I could use to build it and make a sweet interface for my co-workers, in 10 weeks, and not a single another day.

Expectations
> Nice team with devs that I could ask things about and learn solid tricks that would even amaze David Copperfield
> Having a nice dev environment

Reality
> Alone on this project
> No fucking dev environment, I had to build everything on Notepad
> No CI
> No SCM
> And, the worst, Ladies and Gentlemans,

I FUCKING HAD TO WORK IN A SINGLE FILE IN A CLOSED ENVIRONMENT.
NO WEBSERVER, NO DEDICATED SPACE.
I HAD TO REQUEST A SPECIFIC ENVIRONMENT IN A CLOSED CUSTOM CMS THAT WAS SERVING FILES, SO THIS FORMAT COULD BE READ ON FOLDER OPENING IN IE9 (FIREFOX FORBIDDEN).
YOU HAD TO MIX HTML, CSS AND JS IN A SINGLE FILE. NO SERVER-SIDE LANGUAGES, ONLY STATIC LINKS, NO FRAMEWORKS (if we can call jQuery, Bootstrap, Semantic UI and all these thinks "Frameworks").

> mfw at the end of the intership

After months and months of slaving away, I quit my start-up job and feel completely amazing- here's what happened:

Met a classmate in grad school and he talked about starting his own company and he had full funding and etc. After graduation, moved to the new city where the job was located.

There were all these promises of us being co-workers and working on cool things and many other promises made. Soon after starting the job, most of these promises we're just smoke and mirrors.

Started working day in day out. Worked from 8am-9pm most days and worked on weekends too. Treated me like a I was a dog, talked down to me, gave unrealistic deadlines, pressured me with attitude and threats of losing my job. Hell, they thought they were the smartest person to touch the earth basically- example being that they mixed jQuery with VueJS in our Django template.....who the F*** does that. Another thing being that they had issues with me soft deleting records since they wanted them completely hard deleted and we had gotten into a giant argument about that fml.

What led to me leaving the job was that I had gotten sick one of the weeks, and I still showed up to work. Each day I was gradually getting sicker and sicker. Still tried my best to get work done. Saturday morning I get the most passive aggressive and bitchy text from my co-worker. "if you don't complete blah blah blah by Monday, we are going to have issues. Then on Monday you will work on blah blah blah". They blew the fuse with me. They would always punish me for being sick or taking a vacation. I'm not a dog, not a machine, I'm a f****** person. Went into his office when the work week started and gave my resignation on the spot and felt like it was the best decision I've ever made.

Now I just feel like a giant toxic cloud has disappeared from my life. I did walk away with so much experience and knowledge but now I just feel extremely burnt out from programming. Is this what I even wanna do anymore?

Few lessons I learned along the way:
1. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is
2. Free lunches aren't worth it
3. Unlimited PTO doesn't really mean unlimited- there's always stipulations
4. Start-up life isnt as cool as they say- don't take TV portrayals as the real thing
5. Your mental health is extremely important
6. It's okay to admit to yourself that you're burnt out
7. Take a break
8. STARTUPS ARE NOT FOR EVERYONE

This is just my experience and what I learned, so telling my story. Phew, feels so good to get that off my chest

The day I discovered Schrödinger's lesser known paradox of simultaneously being fired and not fired.

This isn't really much of a dev story, but I figured I'd share it anyway.

About two minutes into signing into all my stuff, I suddenly was kicked out of everything. I tried logging in a few more times, and then suddenly started getting the error, "Your account has been disabled for security reasons." I couldn't sign into chat, and co-workers confirmed that I was missing from the company directory. My manager didn't come in for another two hours, and we couldn't get anyone else to answer what the hell was going on. So I was kinda panicking.

Eventually, we found out from one of our coordinators that someone else with the same name as me was leaving the company, and they had deactivated the wrong person.

It ended up getting a lot better. They told me that it could take up to 48 hours to restore my access (it took longer), so I found stuff to do so I could maintain my paycheck. One of those things was assisting someone with data collection and processing, where I eventually said, "Dude, I could totally automate this," and now that's what I'm getting paid to do.

I just found out that I am my co-workers rubber duck...

Weirdest co-worker... We'll not to be judgy, but I think our industry is sort of home of the weirdos, but.. there's a few over-the-top weirdees we've had at work.

First one that comes to mind was a guy that walked liked Mr. Burns, hands behind the back & chest out. He microwaved the same thing every single day for breakfast - crackers, sausage and cheese. 😖This guy would get to his tasks very slowly, wouldn't talk to anyone on our team, and would go missing from his desk a lot, sometimes for extended periods (2+ hours). He really struggled to catch on to easy tasks. He quit after a few months, thank god.

Another weirdo we had was a girl who just couldn't dress to save her soul. She would wear these ugly ass sneakers that had neon colors reminiscent of bowling shoes (neon orange and green) and would wear turtlenecks and floor length skirts that all the colors just clashed. Her outfits were uglier than your great grandma's. Myself, her and 2 other girls dressed up as the Dr. Seuss things for Halloween, but did h1, h2, etc. tags instead and she put like rope from curtains in her hair with like 10 little pony tails. Just like wtf. She would play her gameboy at lunch and not talk to anyone much. She was really bad at our job, a lot of clients complained. She would literally read a book, braid her bangs or nap at her desk. Needless to say, she was fired.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

My co-workers just tried to convince me that the following is a secure password:

"ThisIsASecurePassword2018"

Just... I mean... Why? *sigh*

Their argumentation is based on the new NIST guidelines.

If they've read these guidelines CAREFULLY though... (not only the appendix) it actually states "Don't use words from the dictionary". Passwords like these should even be rejected right away.

We all work on the same room: Devs and testers.
In order to communicate with each other without taking off our earphones, we use the chat app.
Ok, sometimes the chat app has delay sending messages.

I really, really hate when one of the testers comes to my desk without telling me he's coming to my desk! >:v and this is the reason why I hate it so much: I'm concentrate in my code, listening to ASP or SPA and, suddenly, I feel a heavy presence behind my monitors. I look up and I see a very penetrating gaze from the corpulent tester looking at me (he's tall). Every time he does that I almost have a heart attack D:

"There's a bug I want you to check" he says.
And I check my chat app if there's a delayed message from him. Nothing, NOTHING >:v

Always, when I want to go to his desk, I send him a message

"Is it ok if I go to your desk?" and he says me "You don't have to ask for it, just come here" but the thing is that I do that because I expect him to do the same :/

Fortunately this doesn't happen every day, but it pisses me off, and I don't know how to tell him to stop doing that because I don't want to be like a... jerk? intolerant? I don't know

Having a co-worker who I consistently must support with using the basic funionaity of our software, getting me dragged in to a senior management meeting to tell me and my boss that I am too incompetent to do my job. All because something out of my control was taking longer than they would have liked.

This same co-worker deleted a folder on a server full of live data because they "wanted to see what it would do" then wondered why I revoked their Admin rights to that folder.

I want to scream at them every day.

My co-workers hate it when I ask this question on a technical interview, but my common one is "what is the difference between a varchar(max) and varchar(8000) when they are both storing 8000 characters"

Answer, you cannot index a varchar(max). A varchar(max) and varchar(8000) both store the data in the table but a max will go to blob storage if it is greater than 8000.

No one ever knows the answer but I like to ask it to see how people think. Then I tell them that no one ever gets that right and it isn't a big deal that they don't know it, as I give them the answer.

Im gunna get a lot of flak for this but just hear me out:

People keep asking me what it's like working in a male dominated industry. They have conferences for women in tech empowerment and I get forced to go to them because I'm the only female in the office.

The thing is. I don't feel oppressed. I get that we "need" more women in tech but from my experience and from talking to various women at my old university, the reason women are avoiding the tech industry isn't because it's male dominated and they feel out of place. It's because a) it doesn't interest them or b) they never thought of it as an option (like myself).

Computer programming should be in grade schools and highschool's just like math and science to help educated not only women but people in general that it's an option. That's what's going to help more women get in the tech industry. Not these bullshit conferences and women's rights in tech movements, and hiring women over men (even if she's worse than him in skill level) just because she's a woman.

Frankly I think it's downright shameful that companies that are male dominated feel the need to hire women over men just because of gender. If I'm applying somewhere and there's a better male candidate, hire him! I'd much rather your company have a good team then a "balanced" team. Great tech teams are what will bring along new and better technologies, not balanced ones.

Keep in mind I'm talking about Western Civilization here, I get that a lot of countries are still struggling with the balance of women's rights at all but this is Canada.

I also get that there are probably some women who want to join tech but won't because it's too male dominated but frankly that's a shit poor excuse. If you really wanted to join tech then being surrounded by make co-workers wouldn't deter you from living your life the way you want to. If you feel so uncomfortable around men that you won't go into an industry you love because it's male dominated then I'm sorry for you and you should probably see a councillor to get that worked out.

I feel more oppressed by having to put aside my programming and being forced to go to these conferences than I do in the every day workplace. My boss is literally more offended that I don't feel offended about being a woman "minority". He spent a week pestering me about how I would feel about this, that and the other thing if it happened to me.

I'm not saying nobody ever says anything even remotely sexist to me but frankly I could give two shits- I'm here. I'm coding. I'm good at what I do and I'm comfortable enough with myself that I can just blow off the comment (which probably wasn't even meant to offend me) and continue working. But you're going to get that wherever you go, this isn't a flaw of the tech industry. This is a flaw of the world and it goes both ways (men get flak too).

Just a idea for some joke you can do to your co-workers credit go to 9gag as I found it there

TL;DR: Sometimes it okay if all you did the entire day was to breathe and survive.

There's heavy downpour since early morning and water logging is frequent and common in my area.

I had to catch the office bus, but being dependent on local transport to get to the office bus stop, got me all soaked.

I literally had to jump in a puddle of water (like a kid and it was fun 😂😂), to catch the bus.

Anyway, the journey begun and I started sneezing. Damn! I forgot the handkerchief and had nothing to wipe my head dry.

I have serious sinus issues and just prayed that shit doesn't start until I reach office, because I had no tissues as well. I didn't want to be embarrassed with running nose and watery eyes.

Reached office all soaked and dripping. Now the fun begins. The cunts keep the air conditioning temperature to -99 degree celsius. Yes, MINUS 99 DEGREES.

People are fucking freezing to death and motherfuckers refuse to increase the temperature 😂😂😂

By 12:00 PM, my body was numb. I was shivering and could hardly feel anything. Thanks to my reserved body heat, managed to dry myself by 01:00 PM.

Then was assigned a shitty task, which was to clean up a co-workers steaming shit.

Earlier, I had to deal with numb body, but now my mind was numb as well.

Managed to finish the task and call it a day.

Well on the way back, I had to pick some groceries.

It took me literally two minutes to put them in a basket and FORTY-FUCKING-FIVE MINUTES TO STAND IN QUEUE AND PAY FOR THEM.

While in queue, the illiterate and ill-mannered cunts in the supermarket annoyed me to death. Pushing and squeezing me between their tits and ass.

Somehow managed to reach home, all tired and depressed with no mood to do anything at all.

Might just browse through rants for a while now and retire to bed.

Hope tomorrow's a good day. 😊

Muhahahaha, motherfucker.

As expected, my previous co-workers who fit in well and dominated the project are having a hard time getting a job outside that company. They've been stuck there for over three years now. Most of the members I led were already out of there a few weeks after I disappeared. I even received a message from a Japanese developer that he just decided to quit and he just arrived in Japan.

The traitors, the bullies, the slippery maggots are still there and it's so much fun rubbing salt into their wounds. For the last two days, I've been receiving interview invites from IBM. I don't care much about that company but here, it's a big deal and I know that most of the developers in my previous company would sell each other's souls just to even get a response for their job applications there. Anyway, I played a little bit and sent a text to a previous colleague.

Me: "Hey, I received an email from IBM inviting me for an interview but I just started in my new job. Are you interested?"

Him: "I already applied there and got rejected."

Me: (acting innocent) "Well, maybe it would be different this time. They are specifically looking for (builds up the position to make it look like he'll be a great fit). Do you want me to forward the email to you?"

Him: "Oh, the description sounds a lot like what I'm doing now. Here's my email address."

So I forwarded him the email where the recruiter was saying a lot of good things about my portfolio. I just want this fucker to know that I didn't even apply there and I wasn't interested but I'm getting attention and he's getting rejected.

Of course, he went back to his toxic behavior of making me look bad by insinuating that I think I'm too good for these companies and that I quit my job there because I was bored. This time I didn't react to that part and continued with a normal conversation wishing him good luck.

My intentions aren't good for these motherfuckers. Hell, I helped the bullied but not the bullies. I just want to fuck with them as much as I can until they break and wake up to the reality that they are not as good as they think, that there's a world outside their own version of North Korea, that they shouldn't be bullying newcomers just because they're new.

Do I think I'm too good for these companies? No.
Was I bored? Damn right, I was. Clicking buttons is not development and I felt my brain rotting away in that shithole full of braindead fucks thinking they'd go all Steve Jobs and make a dent in the world. Lol.

Fuck you. I just want you to get your hopes up so your next rejection hurts a lot more. And if for some miracle, you get accepted then it still suits me as I helped another useless maggot get out of that fecal kingdom. I don't play games I can't win.

I'm so happy! ❤

I finally got my co workers to use phpstorm and they made this

Is it strange that I'm getting more constructive advice from the Devrant community than the co-workers around me?

No lie, I discovered gistboxapp, vue.js, hacker noon and a bunch of other cool stuff through here.

I'm OK with C language, but I refuse to learn Shell. My co-workers who use shell don't talk to anyone and look like zombies. Hell no. I don't even know their names after working 2 months together. Fire me.

Take the know-it-all guy you grew up with, that ruins every relationship he's ever had with friends and family, because he gets angry when folks don't deem him as the authority, even for shit he doesn't have a single clue about doing correctly.

Now make him the manager of a fast-food restaurant - so he can command anyone he pleases, making them do anything he wants them to, because he feels it's fun to experiment with co-workers emotions.

Give him an assistant manager that realizes that the only way they can keep their job is to kiss his ass, blowing him every once in a while for a ten cent raise, while the rest of the employees do nothing but smile, say "yes, sir", and go about their business - eventually shit talking about him at the parties he's not invited to.

Watch him jump on every fashion trend, no matter how much it costs, until he eventually decides that the job he's had for the last decade and his fellow employees are beneath him, without saving any money to pay for the things he needs to survive, or taking the proper time to learn all the things that would have made him successful in the long run.

Even though he was an uptight twat and a half, some folks feel that he never got the chance he deserved, as death comes knocking at an earlier age than many would have expected; creating an empty, irrational, and partial dependency in their lives, caused by problems he never cared to correct for their love and admiration, while others are happy as fuck that he's breathed his last breath.

This is the state of our current industry.

*Drops the mic*

You know what really grinds my gears? As a junior webdeveloper (mostly backend) I try my hardest to deliver quality content and other people's ignorance is killing me in my current job.

Let's rant about a recent project I had under my hood, for this project (a webshop) I had to restructure the database and had to include validation on basicly every field (what the heck, no validation I hear you say??), apperently they let an incompetent INTERN make this f***king webshop. The list of mistakes in this project can bring you close to the moon I'd say, seriously.

Database design 101 is basicly auto incremented ID's, and using IDs in general instead of using name (among a list of other stuff obv.). Well, this intern decided it was a good idea to filter a custom address-book module based on a NAME, so it wasn't setup as: /addressbook/{id} (unique ID, never a problem) but as /addressbook/{name}, which results in only showing one address if the first names on the addresses are the same. Lots of bugs that go by this type of incompetence and ignorance. Want to hear another joke? Look no further, this guy also decided it was a great idea to generate the next ID of an order. So the ordernumber wasn't made up by the auto incremented id on the order model, but by a count of all the orders and that was the next order number. This broke so many times, unbelievable.

To close the list of mistakes off, the intern decided it was a great idea to couple the address of a user directly to an order. Because the user is able to ship stuff to addresses within his addressbook, this bug could delete whole orders out of the system by simply deleting the address in your addressbook.

Enough about my intern rant, after working my ass of and going above and beyond the expectations of the customer, the guy from sales who was responsible for it showed what an a**hole he was. Lets call this guy Tom.

Little backstory: our department is a very small part of the company but we are responsible for so much if you think about it. The company thinks we've transitioned to company wide SCRUM, but in reality we are so far from it. I think the story below is a great example of what causes this.

Anyway, we as the web department work within Gitlab. All of our issues and sprints are organized and updated within this place. The rest of the company works with FileMaker, such a pile of shit software but I've managed to work around its buggyness. Anyway, When I was done with the project described above I notified all the stakeholders, this includes Tom. I made a write-up of all the changes I had made to the project, including screenshots and examples, within Gitlab. I asked for feedback and made sure to tag Tom so he was notified of my changes to the project.

After hearing nothing for 2 weeks, guess who came to my desk yesterday? F**king tom asking what had changed during my time on the project. I told him politely to check Gitlab and said on a friendly tone that I had notified him over 2 weeks ago. He, I shit you not, blantly told me that he never looks on there "because of all the notifications" and that I should 'tell him what to do' within FileMaker (which I already had updated referencing Gitlab with the write-up of my changes). That dick move of him made me lose all respect for this guy, what an ignorant piece of shit he is afterall.

The thing that triggers me the most in the last story is that I spent so much free time to perfect the project I was working on (the webshop). I even completed some features which weren't scheduled during the sprint I was working on, and all I was asking for was a little appreciation and feedback. Instead, he showed me how ignorant and what a dick he was.

I absolutely have no reason to keep on working for this company if co-workers keep treating me like this. The code base of the webshop is now in a way better condition, but there are a dozen other projects like this one. And guess what? All writen by the same intern.

/rant :P

!Rant

> Go to co-workers working machine
> install tmux and mps-youtube
> play very subtle sounds from console
> close console but keep session running with tmux
> watch coworker go insane because he can't detect the sound source

How to make your coworker go insane in 5 easy Steps

Happy Friday! Another gem from my favorite Senior Developer co-worker...

#demtooltips

I created a fake bootloader for my co-workers computer.

A junior dev said i look a bit like Mr. Bean which got a laughing approval by many of my co workers.

I mean, i like Mr. Bean, but when it comes to looks, he's not a physically appealing guy.

Self esteem cant go much lower than this.

Scenario 1:
Me: *cover both ears with headphones, start listening to vicious metal, look angry, busy and determined*
Co-workers: "Oh hey! I need to understand ____"
Me: "Fuuuuu..."

Scenario 2:
Me: *place headphones on one ear, listen to gentle, approachable music at low volume with smile on face*
Co-workers: *crickets for hours*
Me: Fucking seriously? *commence Scenario 1*

Aaahhh my co-workers... Comment your code already!

Sometimes I don't want my co-workers to see the notes I write on a meeting, for several reasons: Maybe they might have bad intentions (yes, I'm a little bit paranoid), or sometimes I wrote stupid stuff just to concentrate or remember things faster, or I want to practice my cyrillic alphabet.

What do you think? how do you take "secret" notes on a meeting? Any slav in here that could tell me if he/she understands my calligraphy? XD

Has anyone here tried getting a leave of absence for mental health reasons? I'm not talking about the typical sick leave. I'm talking about two weeks or more. Vacation leaves are not an option because our company requires filing of these long term leaves ahead of time.

I'm thinking about going to a psychiatrist to receive proper diagnosis and tell the doctor about my current situation (how I'm easily overwhelmed by usually simple tasks and cannot perform well enough for work). I feel like a burden to my co-workers lately and I feel guilty whenever I'm unable to go to work but at the same time, I find it overwhelming these days.

My co-workers are so nice. They said I can talk to them anytime if I get bored and to feel free and ask them to join me whenever I'm hungry and want to eat outside. Of course, I did what every grateful, social animal would do:

Sit in front of my desk for hours pretending I'm not hungry despite my stomach growling and packed lunch in advance so I can eat them on my desk tomorrow like a pathetic, friendless loser.

You can't separate me from my desk. My desk is my soulmate. I live here now.

Been wearing sunglasses to the office for a few months now because I'm sick of bright screens, light themes of co-workers, the daylight outside that shines through the windows (I moved to another desk further away from the windows), the ceiling lights that are always on (even when there's daylight from outside, thanks boss) and people expecting me to have my eyes open in meetings when there's nothing to look at so now I can just close them and switch to "standby" while I'm still listening.

I am a devampire.

I often want to scream at co-workers because of their lack of attention to details.

I believe attention to detail is important for software engineers.

I tell my junior developers that "it works" isn't enough, you need to make sure it works as perfectly as possible and paying attention to detail helps with that.

Co-workers disturbing train of thought ...

Meeting host: "So now that I've finished rambling on does anyone have any questions?"

Me: "Why are we not marketing the time dilation machine you appear to have developed and deploy during the course of this meeting?"

Co-workers laugh.

So glad that it turned out our microphone was muted...

If you CC: me on an email I won't read it because I'm clearly not the intended recipient and I'm not going to do your work for you in trying to work out why I should give a fuck.

If you wish me to actually *give* said fuck then send me my own fucking email explaining why I should give a rat's anus about your shitty little problems.

And, if you try to use "but I copied you on the email" as an excuse for your incompetence in a meeting, I will eviscerate you on the spot. You will be looking at your small intestine while I ask your assembled co-workers if they have any other business.

CC: basically means you have no respect for my time. So, if you do it, I'm coming for you...and your family...and your friends...and all the people you know on Linked-In...

!dev !rant but still funny story

As the goth of the dev team, sometimes people ask me several things about me.

I was working on my code. It was 3 or 4PM and a bored dev asks came to me

He: Have you ever tried to be a vampire?
Me: No, I’m just a goth
He: Do you know a vampire?
Me: Unfortunately no, but I’ve heard of them.
He: Do they suck blood?
I don’t know if he was asking because of curiosity or in a sarcastic mode. As usual, I answered in a polite way explaining him what means to be a vampire, the types (blood and energetic) and the difference between a goth and a vampire.

While I was explaining to him this, the boss came into the office, heard me talking about the energetic vampires and said “Wow wow wow! What is coming on here?!” 😂

So at the moment I'm developing a RESTful API for an internal project at work and I'm starting to learn and understand about HTTP status codes.

So I started incorporating proper response HTTP status etc, but my co-workers don't understand what any of it means. They think that just sending a JSON response is enough with any messages should be enough. I think this mindset stems from people who just do simple AJAX calls in JavaScript just to get or store data.

It's these kind of developers that I find are lazy or have no motivation to improve themselves, which is disappointing.

So I trolled one of my co-workers who has an iPhone saying "Buy a real phone" .. and now people are picking that around the office and throwing it at everyone who uses Apple products .. "buy a real laptop".. etc

I am beginning to hate the relationship between email and my clients. I never thought it would come to the point where email is the worst communication platform I've ever used because some of my clients simply don't know how to use it properly.

I have one client who never uses the subject header in his emails. This makes conversational threads very difficult to follow, and I can't just scan the inbox I have for him. I have to actually do searches on my emails just to find recent conversations.

For some reason nobody knows how to start a new email thread. I have multiple clients that will just take the last email that I sent them, regardless of what it's about, and start a new conversation completely unrelated to the other email by hitting"reply". I end up with email threads that are 60 to 100 emails long and contain many different subjects, which again makes it hard to find anything. Never mind that they've usually put two or three important attachments, or username password combinations, or other valuable information in there amongst all the noise.

Worst of all, I have a few clients and co-workers who insist on starting a new email thread whenever anything about a particular issue comes up. This means that just today I have five separate email threads about the same goddamn issue from the same damn person. Am I supposed to respond to each thread with the same damned information? One of these people is supposed to be both a media consultant and an SEO expert and really should know better. Also, if you do actually send me an email with a subject like "the robot.txt error", please don't give me one sentence about that and five paragraphs about what color you'd like the background to be. That's ridiculous. How the hell am I supposed to find that later? Especially since we already discussed this in the other email that sitting in my inbox.

I swear I am setting up a bug tracking system simply so that my clients can log in and leave me bug reports, and feature requests, and will stop filling up my poor email boxes with what amounts to piles and piles threads that I have to sort through.

For a person who suffers with a form of ADD this is extremely frustrating. Why is it so difficult for my colleagues and clients to write good emails with good subject lines, and reply to the right damn emails?

Am I just being too anal, or does this bother others as well?

Sometimes I feel like I should handle my frameworks like Trump handles America.
No foreign code.

But then again.. Teaching my co-workers is better than just blaming them.

Everyone is saying just how terribly awful certain co-workers have been, and I just feel really, really glad for mine right now.

Here's to productive, sane co-workers!

Discrete mathematics teacher said "13*37" in the middle of an Euclidean algorithm.
Half the class giggled and the other half just sighed.

These students are your future co-workers.

Haven't coded for a few days, returned to my github project to find one of my co-workers has gone through every single line in all of the scripts and added passive-agrresivd, sarcastic, comments about what they do.

Thanks.... I guess....

Working as a software engineer but: co-workers randomly walk into my office to ask me <<insert random IT problem (i.e. mouse not working etc.)>> while I'm deeply focused programming. Trying to close my office door results in co-workers backbiting...

Why can't they just go to the IT administrator who's work it is to handle their fucking problems?

So for context, I'm doing an Apprenticeship in IT and naturally I've been put on help desk.

I've recently been given a phone on my desk since I'm trusted enough and know enough about our software that there's no risk to me accepting calls.

I get the standard ones, a number from a different country, poorly pronouncing a co-workers name, asking if they can speak to them. I give my normal response, "I'll just check if they're in a meeting and I'll get back to you" (which they somehow always are) and ask if they would like to leave a message. They obviously don't since they're usually scams.

Since Tuesday I've started getting calls from "BT Technical Support". I don't use BT. My company doesn't use BT. So, it's clearly a scam.

Yesterday, the same guy calls me up, Thomas he says his name is. I go along with it for a while, agreeing that I've noticed our network has been slow until the point where he asks me to begin to install TeamViewer. I realise what he's going to do so I ask him what the problem with our network is.

I hear him start to respond but he stops. He's got no clue what to say, so I say to him, "Thomas mate. I think our biggest problem with our BT network is that we don't have BT."

He puts the phone down.

So I ask you for help, lovely people of devRant.

I have a Windows 10 VM ready to go. I have a couple notepad files labelled as "Passwords" and "Bank Details". What else can I throw on there to make this guy think he's hit the jackpot without really causing too much damage?

Any ideas would be appreciated. <3

When you want to tell your co workers and your boss about devRant, but don't want them to know you're ranting about them. 😕

Crazy weather in here. There is a little sandstorm. It's pretty windy, even the outdoor advertisement letters are moving and the sky is brown :v

The thing is that, in order to go back home, I must walk 4 or 5 blocks (from the place one of my co-workers can leave me), but with this wind I'm afraid of getting sand in my eyes (I don't have glasses). Another option is to take an Uber to my house, but it takes too long to arrive to the office.

What can I do? Do I take the Uber or do I run to my house?

That moment when you realize you forgot your headphones. 😭😭

Can't drown out co-workers. Can't jam to awesome beats.

It's gonna be a long Monday.

Someone just overwrote 2 weeks of work in SVN because they don't understand merging.

When they did an update before committing they ignored the conflicts and tried to build their work.

But wait it won't build if their are conflicts, I know I'll just copy this backup over the checkout and check that in instead.

It took me over an hour tho fix this fucktard's mistake and I still don't think they understand what they did wrong. Their supposed to have 40+ years of experience.

In the end it turned out they wanted to change about 10 lines. They had checked in files that they didn't even change, they were just out of date compared to trunk.

So it's done. I signed my new contract with my new company after I left my old job. Better contract level, better pay, better benefits (at my old office they didn't even give me a pc. I had to use mine..)..
But the sad/funny story is that my old boss do not talk to me anymore because he can't understand why I'm leaving..sooo mature!
I really don't care because actually he do not deserve anything from me, he's (and forever will be) an arrogant prig without humility.
The only regret is leaving the co-workers I bound with..but I'm sure we'll be in touch.
Yep.. maybe this is definitely a rant/story!
Wish me good luck for this new adventure!

The importance of headphones is to avoid listening to co-workers talking nonsense all day long, especially young people.

What a shitty day.

3h sleep
Lead very pissed bcuz backend don't know specs
Boring meeting where everything is repeated like 6 times
In a few hours boss wants to talk with the whole team

My co-workers jokingly say they want to fire me.
I should be the "hero that will make things better"

Please just kill me instead...

Edit: started working there 3 weeks ago

Last time, working on a project with two mates at school.

I'm the one who knows how to read and understand correctly a doc for low-level c libraries (portaudio, opus) and working on sockets.

I make the barebone of our server. Co-workers should work on socket client.

After a week, the socket client is ugly, and almost unusable.
I rewrite the socket client in two days.

Co-worker, for a week : "the only contribution of Orionss is deleting my code" (it wasn't the first time)

In these moments, I would like to kill this guy

I was talking with some of my co-workers about the rise of all these package managers (and one I came across for Windows), and this thought occurred in my silly head:

I've cought a case of "My co-workers copy my code and then get credit for it".

Pick fun and enjoyment over money. I make considerably less than I could somewhere else, but I enjoy doing it.

Good and friendly co-workers are also a huge plus.

almost a year ago, i have no idea of what i was doing at work cause everything was new: coding languages, databases, clients, co-workers, etc. i had 0 experience and i am back here again on devRant after 3836382 years and i am proud to say i've learnt so much and have been promoted to Project Manager. im happy asf and i am now ready for another round of dev rants!

So do you have any co-workers or teammates who horde tasks and don't share knowledge? I hate those kind of people. Everytime I bring it in team's retrospective and that one asshole remains quite during the whole meeting, agrees to everything and continues to horde tasks again in the future. That affects the team performance and causes to form a single point of failure and recovery which is bad when working in a team. Share your experiences.

when you compete with your co-workers to see who can get higher points on devRant

Getting real tired of having to reteach the basics of relational databases to the same 2 people. You were brought in as the expert in databases and SQL Server, I shouldn’t have to teach you about effing primary keys, secondary keys, many-to-many relationships, and how to join the damn tables in a basic query. Your 5 years of experience are obviously a waste if all you did was select * from bullshit. This is the 2nd week and 22nd you’ve asked the same damn questions. Get your crap together and study your ass off if you don’t know. Google the error messages if you don’t remember how to solve it before coming to me with the same question a 23rd and 24th time. I’m not going to get any work done if all you do is ninja up behind me with your laptop in tow and just spout off the question that could be done over IM or a quick duckduckgo/google search. Headphones in = do not disturb ya rude mother duckers 🦆.

[Warning! - Sob story ahead, you've been warned]

Dear devRant,
today someone who interviewed me in the last days, said they want to hire me.
Good news, right?
Professionally speaking yes, but... i don't know.

I always been a freelance: never had much work, but i was always free of doing whatever i liked and whenever (no fixed working hours).
I have a room in an office with 2 other people. People i love to hate (it's complicated).

But now i'm thinking about this new work they are offering me: no more freelance, no office, no flexibility. All with a 6 months contract.
What really scares me is that i will lose what i have... even the 2 co-workers that i hate/love: i have never been able to make friends, they are the thing that comes closer to friends in my life.

I'm feeling a void in front of me:
being an adult (35 years old...) and choose a work that pays, but loose... essentially what i am, what i have hardly build...
OR decline the job, and going on "Peter-Pan-style", living at my pace: free but constantly hoping of something good to happen to me

I don't know, really don't know... so many feeling are overwhelming me now.
And tomorrow i have to make a decision

Got my stickers! Thanks DevRant! Can't wait to put them on my computer and share with my co-workers :) hee hee

Co-Workers. When I see their bad code and instantly know: "No, that's not the way to do it."

Does any one else make all their screens super red and very dim or is that just me? My co workers think I'm crazy.
I'm afraid of blue light, immediate headache.

The moment when it's absolutely quiet in the office and you accidentally make a weird sound with your mouth and then make the sound over and over again so co-workers don't think you farted......

Work of a my co-workers good work! It's called colspan you dumb fuck! Best part is that no way I'm changing this coz I work in place where they don't give a fuck about code quality! So fuck it!

All company meeting to discuss plans to move office, and they want to change all of the devs to hot-desking?!

Would be interested in your guys experiences if any of you have done it, but I feel I'd be affected a lot as I only work 3-4 days a week.

I literally stood up and left the meeting, saying I'd quit if they did it. I'm far more comfortable and productive with my setup and space. Knowing my co-workers they might think I'm saying it for drama but I think I actually would leave, despite everything else being fine (except HR!).

How many times do I have to tell my co-workers that testing isn’t just about proving your shit works in nice ways. It’s also about proving it works with sparse or inadequate data. Also, regression testing is a thing so do it!

Public Service announcement:

If one of your co-workers asks: "Hey, do you have a sec?"

DO NOT reply: "Yeah, I have tons of secs"

Sincerely,
Someone who doesn't think before they speak

Why is it soooo taboo to ask co-workers salary?

Co-worker: I'm so tired of working on Wordpress sites! I didn't go to school just to do this all day!
Me: well you can help me with this Magento site...
Co-worker: ...

Tired of non-dev co-workers talking to me like I work for them. They better be careful. I'll code their computers to do their jobs for them.

*sigh*

So we have this supervisor that I’ve mentioned before in my previous rant(read if interested). This man has been a pain to my side since I started working here. He does a phenomenally good job at being a douche bag and he has the need to resort to screaming and yelling if you happen to disagree with his methodology in any point of you. He likes to make fun of and be little you as well. Oh and I’ll mention he does it in front of all your co-workers. All bad habits and even less from some one in a supervisor position.

I think I’m a pretty reasonable guy, I try to get my work done only asking for help when absolutely necessary ie idk what’s going on or I’m stuck. This guy has the bad habit of breathing over your shoulder while you’re working......... Anyway I hit a breaking point today and waited til he was in his office to confront him.

I asked to walk in politely and asked if I could close the door it was a personal matter. After I sat down and vented to him explaining that what he’s doing with this egotistical persona of his is wrong and it’s creating an environment that cause everyone to feel like shit thus cause lowered work efficiency. I told him that belittling and offending is a bad tactic and that we are grown ass adults. It shouldn’t be necessary for you to yell or make fun of me, shit if I wanted to eat yelled at I’d go home to my father. He’s allowed this guy is not.

Well cutting it short I finished the convo and he didn’t say much just agreed with some points and stressed others that would be too much to mention. I’m not dumb either I recorded the convo just in case he tries to pull something. But I get the feeling like this is gonna turn out really well or it’s gonna go south.

Just wanted to rant to the rantFam first.

I’m done now.

What the hell is wrong with me?

It was even less than maybe 2 months ago since I loved my job, had co-workers I happily called friends, wrote code I was proud of, and felt like I had a meaning and a place in the industry. I had plans for my future and everything was great.

But this entire week felt terrible. Everything was awful.
I despised every single word of those idiots I called friends.
Their craft - our craft - is a colossal and monumental failure; A sad joke, that insults more than it entertains.

I can't bring myself to program, not even to fuck around at home...

And I have no idea what to do now.

I'm going to start searching for a new job next month. I was let go from my current one because my co-workers were putting in 60~80 hours per week and I was only putting in 40 (plus one 13 hour weekend, which we were paid for. I refused to work the next Sunday and was let go two days later. We were salary exempt; no overtime).

When interviewing this fall, I do intend to list a 40 hour work week as something I'm looking for, but what do I say about my current employment status?

This has only happened once in the past; years ago. I simply said "My contract ended" at the time, and I got a job really quickly so it wasn't an issue.

When a potential employer asks, do I say I was let go because I couldn't keep up with the two months of 60~80 hour work weeks, or do I simply say, "My contract ended." (A little bet of a stretch since I was an FTE, but a work agreement is technically a contract and it technically did end).

Most incompetent coworker of the week made a pull request, title: "Adding secrets.ini needed to run $app."

He just copied it from the server and removed the `*.ini` entry in the .gitignore. Luckily he only had access to the dev instance (to copy passwords from).

I've found a job as a junior developer several months ago, but I really want to find another job...

I know, my knowledge and skills aren't superior yet, but I am tired of that feeling of being useless.. I constantly self-educate myself after work and university, but still, I often need to ask co-workers "where's this form?", "wtf is that", "how do I access this"... Plus, their projects are HUGE, but no matter how big the project is, there are 2 to 4 people working on each at a time. And 1 person may work on 2-3 projects. And we are usually late for deadlines :/

Also code quality is meh..
Me: Why do we implement it here?
Co-worker: oh, we don't actually use it, it's just to hide warnings and pass the test.

Holy shit, wtf, I've spent half day trying to figure out wtf is this and why is it not working :/

How to get bad co-workers out of your company (if your company uses git and Linux)
Alias push to push --force

This is how I explain my co-workers when they see this line of code in my utilities projects:

export const pipe = (...fns) => x => fns.reduce((y, f) => f(y), x)

I am not a shy person, but I still like to keep to myself, I am just not that into socialization.

Everywhere I've worked I've only made friends with those that sat very close to me, like in the neighboring cubicles or whatever, even if I didn't have any project in common with them, but my relationship with those that were working on the same project as me was strictly professional.

Recently, my employer installed a rec-room with table tennis, foosball and pool table etc. And ever since then the whole office's morale has sky rocketed, especially mine. Now, I almost always spend at least 2-3 hours down there daily playing those games and I have gotten to know and have made friends with a lot of my co-workers, something that I wouldn't have done ordinarily ever.

Now my point here is that, I've always found socialization to be a bit out of my comfort zone, I always thought it to be a bit bothersome, but it would seem that all I really needed was the right environment, it is very hard to get to know others around you in a strictly professional environment, so having dedicated places in your office for things like group activities that can help relieve stress and allow people to get to know each other better outside the work environment can be extremely helpful.

You know when you can't code something, and you start to rethink everything? (logic, life, the laws of physics) Then it works and your like "you're goddamn right."

Well here's my short story:

Been working on some logic for a week now. Client has been a twat about it. "It's a simple count, can't take that long." It's gotten to the point to where some co-workers were underestimating my skills. When I try the old "you do it then" trick, they laugh and walk away quickly.

But I did it.
I'M SO GOOD AT THIS SHIT!

Boss: Let's hire a new person to help us recreate our website
Us: sounds good!
Boss doesn't hire anyone and starts the website on his own
Boss: I started the new website. It's in server X and the address is test.y.com. I also want all of us to work on it
Me thinking: great he just wants us to modify the hosted files like he does 🙄
Me: I'll move a copy to GitHub for version control.
Boss: Great!
Boss creates a backup folder on the same computer and folder path that the hosted files are on.

Someone please nuke that server so my boss learns version control like I've asked before. I think I'll opt not to work on a website where he and my other co-workers will just overwrite each other's changes because he doesn't want to learn to git 😑

A one of my co-workers today said he once witnessed a 20,000 line SQL query. Is that even a thing? What does it do?

Sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by idiots. My family are too stupid and lazy to have jobs or do anything involving a skill. They are too dumb to do anything properly so most of the house is fucked.

My co-workers are supposed to be Web devs but cba to learn the frameworks or languages we work on. Some of them have over 5 years experience and don't understand basics like backend verification vs front end.. Or even what json is. Needless to say everything I'm told to do is retarded such as implement roles and permissions where there are no roles, but ot allowed to add roles.

Anyone else surrounded by idiots 90% of the time? How do you not get worn down?

I want to pause my music so I can focus, but I have two co-workers right next to me who are working in a problem. I could take my laptop somewhere else, but I would rather they just shut the hell up, or go book a damn conference room.

I could just say that .. or just be lazy and post about it on dev rant. 😅

Also, fuck open workspaces. I never though I'd miss the cubical, but the open work space is a new level of hell.

Put soap around (not inside!) the mug of your co-workers and watch them try to pick up the cup.

I don't think I've ever done anything cool. I've done some shit because they're funny, I'm lazy, and to make do of the limited resources and some restrictions.

1. Webpage/Dashboard using SQL command line. I still troll some co-workers and ask them if they can make a webpage out of SQL. They laugh then I show this to them. It's a simple but comprehensive dashboard that displays transaction volumes, server status, etc. Pretty much combined all the data from different sources (database, server logs, etc.) This was to eliminate the endless excuses of my team members who use the 15 minute application restart as an excuse why they didn't get to do their jobs for the remaining 7 hours and more. What's your excuse now?

2. A bunch of shell scripts to generate a detailed analysis of transaction processing delays, relevant number of user sessions, server and JVM statuses, etc. This is to mock my lazy co-workers back then who can't analyze shit. If a script can do your job, well.. you know the rest.

3. A bluetooth master/slave shit to detect who's in which room and who's out of scope for my College thesis. I doubt its effectiveness though I don't think about it these days. Maybe I'll replace it with something better for future torture chambers and trap triggers.

4. Automated the review of the code based on the set standards. Again, because no one gave a shit about the review. They charge hours for reviweing then I had to review it again to see a lot of things that should be corrected. They are showering in defects these days.

5. And this one is definitely just for the lulz to mock my manager who is obsessed with actual hours. The tool just logs what time you logged off and logged back in. Every time you unlock the computer, it asks what the fuck did you do during the time you were away. I just put "ate", "pooped", and shit like that.

There are other stuff I probably don't remember anymore or can't put in here.

Edit: Now that I read it again, I realized that I was pretty much developing things to replace my co-workers. I wasn't very lucky with co-workers back then.

I work as a .Net consultant. Currently I am at a company that blocks all sociale media sites and sites that look like 'em. I don't mind the social media, but YouTube is also blocked and I need my dose of daily epic music world while developing. So, I set up a proxy on my server to easily bypass these blockades. Note: company policy says nothing about not being allowed certain websites, I always read this before using this trick.

Last week, a new guy joined the company and gets a desk just next to me. After a lot of looking at my screens and trying stuff he asks me for the entire office: "Hey how are you going on YouTube? It doesn't see to work for me.". 😫

The rest of the day, I had to explain to co-workers what a proxy is (they don't care about any tech they don't need...). And I had to explain to the pm that I was not hacking their network...

I'm not sure if I will be getting along with this new guy.... 😧

During the summer I was part of a three person brand new software team. One of my co-workers had a rubber duck, and explained rubber duck debugging. I brought in my own duck and it turned out to be identical to hers. On the last day I left my duck there with my other co-worker, so now they will both have ducks to talk to when nothing works! 🐤🚫🐛

Be me.
Be 25.
Be working as a cobol dev.
Having dinosaure co-workers who write the same frankencode they wrote 30 years ago.
Be trying to figure out wtf they have writen.
Be mad...

Can anyone relate?

Ps. They know how to write a program that works (because they copied 90% without understanding what it does) and they can do it fast.
They just suck at making it easy to understand wtf is going on.

Handsome co-workers in my visual range distract me from my tasks...
I need to get back in shape and start the dating game again... :'(

So I spent the last 2 hours trying to figure out why my co-workers source when hitting the API I built was not working. They kept saying that the problem was the API and I kept saying that it's their implementation.

Turns out it was their implementation and as well as the API. Their implementation problem was not setting the "Accept" in the header. The API problem is how Laravel will return a JSON error response ONLY IF the "Accept" is set in the header.

I actually documented this into the API documentation but it's obvious that none of my co-workers read that you need to set the headers correctly. I think the more scary thing is that they didn't know the difference between Accept and Content-Type!!

One of my *co-workers* (intern turned full-time) had his user (the USER) initialised as a git repo. I've officially seen everything.

Why do co workers find it acceptable to eat and type on their keyboard with greasy fingers and then go on to ask for help only to realise that my fingers are wet / greasy seconds later.... eugh

!rant !dev Still funny office story

This happened last november. I decorated my desk for halloween (plastic bats, vampire stickers, more bats, a plastic raven, a little skeleton, etc). I also put a photo of Chris Pohl (vocalist from Blutengel, a electro-goth band).

I decided to remove all the decorations except for the raven and the Chris Pohl‘s photo.

One day, a partner and I were cheking out the code, and she suddenly saw that photo.

She: Oh, who is he? is he your boss?
Me: What?
S: Yes, is he your direct boss?
M: No, you‘re my boss
S: No, no, is he the vampire who you report your activities with?
M: Oh! XD No, it‘s Chris Pohl, Blutengel‘s vocalist
S: Mmm... he‘s pretty weird... his eyes...
and then, she got back to her desk.

That‘s it, continue reading rant stories 😅

P.D. What‘s the weirdest thing you have on your desk? 🤔

Github's unlimited private organization repos for $25 a month has made me rethink which co-workers actually need repository access.

When you get pulled into a co-workers project before Christmas and then he takes holidays forcing you to do overtime to finish his project... that's just great

I was testing a change on my local copy of our companies calendar application under my co workers account because he has different settings.
Turns out email notifications are working, and I've been spamming people about fake events under my co workers name.
Whoops

About slightly more than a year ago I started volunteering at the local general students committee. They desperately searched for someone playing the role of both political head of division as well as the system administrator, for around half a year before I took the job.

When I started the data center was mostly abandoned with most of the computational power and resources just laying around unused. They already ran some kvm-hosts with around 6 virtual machines, including a cloud service, internally used shared storage, a user directory and also 10 workstations and a WiFi-Network. Everything except one virtual machine ran on GNU/Linux-systems and was built on open source technology. The administration was done through shared passwords, bash-scripts and instructions in an extensive MediaWiki instance.

My introduction into this whole eco-system was basically this:
"Ever did something with linux before? Here you have the logins - have fun. Oh, and please don't break stuff. Thank you!"

Since I had only managed a small personal server before and learned stuff about networking, it-sec and administration only from courses in university I quickly shaped a small team eager to build great things which would bring in the knowledge necessary to create something awesome. We had a lot of fun diving into modern technologies, discussing the future of this infrastructure and simply try out and fail hard while implementing those ideas.

Today, a year and a half later, we look at around 40 virtual machines spiced with a lot of magic. We host several internal and external services like cloud, chat, ticket-system, websites, blog, notepad, DNS, DHCP, VPN, firewall, confluence, freifunk (free network mesh), ubuntu mirror etc. Everything is managed through a central puppet-configuration infrastructure. Changes in configuration are deployed in minutes across all servers. We utilize docker for application deployment and gitlab for code management. We provide incremental, distributed backups, a central database and a distributed network across the campus. We created a desktop workstation environment based on Ubuntu Server for deployment on bare-metal machines through the foreman project. Almost everything free and open source.

The whole system now is easily configurable, allows updating, maintenance and deployment of old and new services. We reached our main goal for this year which was the creation of a documented environment which is maintainable by one administrator.

Although we did this in our free-time without any payment it was a great year with a lot of experience which pays off now.

Comment your code ! Co workers and your future self will appreciate ! #wk26

Head a great experience today. One of my Indian co-workers stopped by and asked if I like biryani. Yep, I do, so I went to get me some. They had a sauce on the side, a pepper sauce. Nice and hot, and generated a wonderful endorphin rush. I have to say, of most of my coworkers, the South Asian are the most friendly and polite, and I enjoy working with them. I hope Trump doesn't ruin that.

Walk into the office this morning and say hi to co-workers, get told I look like hell and should go home if I'm sick.

I feel great, but thanks for that...Susan.

I think some of my co-workers see me as real life human version of Google search engine.

Hope they would understand that just because I'm little bit more up to date in tech knowledge and an accidental Google nerd doesn't make me a know it all..

But i understand their tendency to trust my recommendation over their googling skills

They want me to find

1- best freelancing website
2- best platform or service for someone who wants to do online teaching

Results that I'm aware of:

1- freelancer, guru, upwork
2- YouTube, udemy, Pluralsight, skillshare, thinkific

Any other recommendations?

It's really strange being an intern at a company, and having 95% of your co-workers be 5-10+ years older than you. The age gap makes it feel hard to communicate and make any friends. :/

Caused my first regression. Being sarcastically congratulated by co workers. Cant describe the feeling in any emotion possible and known to homo sapiens.

!rant

Last month I called my employer from last summer (the same place I had my internship and still have untold stories from) and asked if they could use a summer employee. "Certainly" was the reply, and whatever date I give, I can start then.

On my way to a college tour Friday, I stopped by to say hello to my (again) co-workers. There were some new faces (including my replacement) but all were happy to have me back. They treated me as if I never left.

I start tomorrow on a different project. I am excited. And now that I have devRant in my life, I'm sure I'll have some stories to tell. Maybe this summer I won't have to send code I find to The Daily WTF. 😁

Pair programming, hands down. I enjoy the hell out of it but it leaves me mentally and emotionally drained by the end of the day. My co-workers echo this sentiment so I know it's not just me.

The moment you realize your co workers don't really know how to use git....

My best co-workers are my food buddies. Our tables are always full of snacks and garbage. Oh how i miss those days.

Debating on whether to quit my job.

Part of the reason it's hard for me to make a decision is there are a lot of good things about my job:

- almost all the projects we work on are blue sky; no technical debt anywhere
- great teammates; people help each other out and generally there's a good vibe
- reasonable boss; he's totally fine with me managing my own schedule, and since I get my work done, he basically never questions when and where I work
- about 1 hour of corporate meetings each week
- best healthcare I've ever had; basically everything is paid for
- 3 weeks PTO & all major US holidays
- free food; generally healthy office snacks and such

So why would I want to quit this environment?

- I hardly get to code anymore. About 2 years ago, I got asked if I would mind helping spec out projects. Since then, I've moved from writing code related to projects to helping my teammates understand the business situation so they can build the right thing.
- I'm in lots of meetings. So we have very few meetings for the company itself. We have a bunch of customer meetings, though. And progressively, I've getting pulled into meetings where there's really no reason for me to be there, aside from "we should have a technical person present."
- The sales people are getting tired of turning down clients that our product isn't targeted for. So they're progressively pushing to make products in those areas. Unfortunately, I'm the only one on the engineering team has any experience in that other tech stack. Also, the team really, really don't want to learn it because it's old tech that's on its way out.
- The PM group is continuously in shambles. Turnover there has averaged 100% annually for about 5 years. Honestly, IMO, it's because they're understaffed. However, there has been 0 real motion to fix this other than talk. This constant turnover has made it so that the engineering team has had to become the knowledge base for all clients.
- My manager has put me on the management track, but has been very slow to hand off anything. I'm the team supervisor, and I have been since the beginning of the year formally. When the supervisor quit last year, it basically became obvious to me that I was considered the informal supervisor after that. However, I can't hire or fire; I can't give a review; I don't have any budget; I can't authorize time off. So what do I do now? Oh, I'm the person that my boss comes to ask about my co-workers performance for the purpose of informing promotion/termination/pay increases. That's it. I'm a spy.

Some of my co-workers are so fucking dumb. Their thought process....

Let's re-run tests that are currently failing over and over until it works

😡

like bitch....fix it then run it! don't just run shit over and over to make yourself look busy.

So after 7 months of soul crushing searching I was able to land an awesome job I never thought I'd get! I didn't really get hired for my projects, I think I was more of a culture fit that knew enough of what they were talking about. My colleagues are awesome, helpful people but they are also clearly way ahead of me as devs. I know that many new hires have similar feelings and it's more a matter of drive + time. I understand that and I'm ready for the marathon ahead of me but I have one HUGE concern... I don't understand unit testing. I've never written unit tests in JavaScript or Java (just on paper I wrote random assert statements for a college exam question that somehow turned out correct). More importantly, I don't understand when to write unit tests and what my main objectives should be when writing them. At work they talk about unit testing like it's just as basic as understanding version control or design patterns, both of which I have had no problems asking questions about because I at least understood them generally. I come here looking for resources, mainly things I can go through over the weekend. I understand that I'm going to have to ask my colleagues for help at some point but I DON'T want to ask for help without any solid base knowledge on unit testing. I would feel much more comfortable if I could understand the concepts of unit testing generally, and then ask my team members for help on how to best apply that knowledge. I'm sorry for begging, I'll definitely be looking for resources on my own too. But if anyone could point me to resources they found to be helpful & comprehensive, or resources that they'd want their co-workers to use if they were in my position I would be very grateful!!!!

Co-workers.
I can't go 30 minutes without being interrupted.

"what's the update?" - Team Lead

For every fucking idiotic task given, every 3 hours, as if the world is gonna end, while all you did in that time was have a tea, chat for a while, send a few mails, sat with a few co workers and checked up on them.

And then he gives me all these "tricky issues", which are apparently critical, and demands updates with a higher frequency! Never sat with me to solve even one of them. Not one.

I never thought that I lacked the basic common sense to update you as soon as I fucking have one.

Ooh, also loop in the senior manager right before annual appraisal. There goes my hike!

This co-worker was straight out nuts who bullshitted his way into the company. Man he smelt like shit. The fucked up part was one day I noticed my other co - workers walking behind him weirdly. Well word got around that he shit his pants and the other co workers were walking behind him sniffing his pants having a laugh. I still don't know where we got these workers from.

So I work in a startup where all my co-workers are 6-7 years elder to me. There is this guy who keeps asking me how is my work going.

I tell him, he gives me a weird clueless look and leaves.

I wonder why he even asks me everytime if he is least bothered about what I do. I see all others minding their own business and busy coding. But this guy is one whom I have always seen jobless.

So now I have decided that next time he asks me I will tell any random shit to him to see if what I have been telling was always shit to him .

!rant just a question. Sorry in advance for the long post.

I've been working in IT in Windows infrastructure and networking side of things for my entire career (5years) and recently was hired for a role working with AWS.

We use Macs and we use *nix distros for days. I've only ever dabbled for 'funsies' before with Linux because every previous job I held was a Windows house and f*** all else.

I'm just wondering if anyone here might have some insights as to a great way to learn the Linux environment and to learn it the right way. I'm not the best Windows admin ever and will never claim to be, but I have seen stuff that other people have done that makes me want to swing a brick at someone's head. And I feel that with all of the setup wizards and the "We'll just do it for you." approach that Windows has used since forever it allowed enough wiggle room for people that didn't know what they were doing to f*** sh*t up royally. I'm not familiar enough with Linux to know if this is also a common problem. I know that having literal full-access to every file in your OS can cause a n00b like myself to mess up royal, thus the question about learning Linux the right way.

I vaguely understand the organization of the folders and file structure within Linux, and I know some very basic commands.

sudo rm -rf /*
Just kidding

But All of my co-workers at my new job are like mighty oaks of knowledge while I'm a tiny sapling. And at times I've been intimidated by how little I know, but equally motivated to try and play catch-up.

In addition to all of this, I really want to start learning how to program. I've tried learning multiple times from places like codecademy.com, YouTube tutorials, and codeschool.com but I feel like I'm missing the lesson that explains why to use a certain operation instead of another. Example: if/else in lieu of a switch.

I'm also failing to get the concept of syntax in certain languages I've tried before. Java comes to mind real fast.

The first language I tried teaching myself was C++ from YouTube. I ended up having a fever dream that night about coding and woke up in a cold sweat. Literally, like brain overload or something. I was watching tutorials for like 9 hours straight.

Does anyone know of a training resource that will explain, in terms a 5 year old would understand, what the code is doing and why? I really want to learn but I'm starting to lose steam cause I'm just not getting it.

Thank you in advance for any tips guys and gals. I really appreciate it. Sorry for the ridiculously long questions.

When your new feature works (and you installed a new package from Nuget) on your and your co-workers environments. And then you push to the build-QA-server and it breaks...

First developers meeting I have in here.

Its great to see developers other than my co-workers.

Our company fails the Joel test so badly, most strongly on the question 'Do you use the best tools money can buy?'

I've got the best laptop in the company, which is why I'm not allowed to complain (even though I do, see image), but some of my co-workers have dreadfully slow machines. I pity them so much, especially whenever I sit next to them to do some pair programming e.g.

What my co-workers listen to while coding : Madeon / Synapson / Red Hot Chili Peppers

Me : Babymetal / Kyary Pamyu Pamyu / Sayuri

Am I weird?

Created a merge request for a big issue last week. Some dumbass co-workers merged several other stuff for tiny shit issues that lead to many merge conflicts now because they didn't pull before..
Nevermind.. will be merging develop into my branch for the third time now.. Got already 20h of extra work because no one minds to merge my request because it's so big and someone might have to check the commit messages what really happened..
Conflicts suck! Co-Workers suck!

You want to implement an open floor plan in order to squeeze us developers together so that knowledge magically seeps from one mind to another? Fine, how about you don't get them so close so that I have to go through a blockade of chairs created by my mindful co-workers every time I have to get up and use the restroom or grab a freaking snack!

Does anyone else include greek letters in their JavaScript variable names just to fuck with co-workers?

It's Friday, I just want to go home and work on my side project.
At the end of the day some co-workers ask me to join for a beer. It's too hard to resist, it's just one beer. Just one beer? Who am I lying to? Its probably going to end the same way as last friday and the friday before that.
This is why I don't have time to work on my side projects.
I don't look forward to the headache tomorrow.
It's too hard to say no.

Does anyone of you feel the same way?

"hey, can you please help me out with this, it isn't working"

"What's it say?"

"I dunno, It's giving (not throwing) some exception/error" (no clear distinction between them)

Well, shit. Did NOT expect Java to do that in case of some undesirable flow in code! Stack trace, error message, what was happening when the exception (or actual error) occurred as inferred from logs... Nope.

Great!

public static void BackStory () {
Before i started working as a developer, I was working in tech support at a larger school environment.
In the department there was 8 employees, all youngsters like myself, so pranks was a daily thing(who needs to actually get some work done, right?).
}

One day we found a wireless mouse and decided to plug the dongle into my co-workers pc, and keep the mouse.
A couple of times a day, i would just wiggle it, click it or start scrolling.

The following weeks this guy was going absolutely insane,mumbling and ranting, thinking his computer had been infected with a virus or was about to break down.