There are two programmer mindsets:
1) I have no idea what I'm doing
2) I am a god

I was bored, so I set this as my shell(fish) greeting message

What issue did you FUCKING fix!!?

Be honest with yourself. If you hate CSS or think it's broken or whatever... you just don't know how to write it well.

At what point do you stop optimizing queries and realize it's a database architecture, scaling problem?

We've been having production issues this week because a lot more users with more demands, and I'm going we need more servers... We can't just have one db, we need to parallelize like Hadoop...

Everyone else is going, how do we optimize queries, indexes, reduce the load...

"Our last lead-developer was a real smart guy, he modernized the legacy code and we all learned a lot from him"

I need a beer, and a shotgun.

<div id="!rant">
Finally have a full time job lined up for when I graduate in a month!
</div>

I don't know what's wrong with using Bootstrap

*insert office dude meme*

And at this point I'm afraid to ask

Devrant mentioned in our Databases course! 😱

Error 404

I started at a what is now called a brogrammer shop. While the three owners were probably 50 and older, there was little design outside of the owner's dreams. We busted out programs in the new language C# in three tier architecture with an Access backend. It was fun but when the economy went south I got laid off after about a year.

When you are surrounded by idiots

Our webdev trying to show me his API 😂 it was working......

I found the greatest stackoverflow comment:

My broadband provider thinks this is an acceptable ping... ._.

Websites that do this.

Is there a good reason for this? What, you can't strip out the spaces yourself?

Honorary mention: my local council's bin collection schedule website. Says "Invalid post code" if you enter it without spaces (eg, it rejects E123BC, you have to enter E12 3BC).

Dealing with space characters must be really really hard for web developers. Maybe someone should make yet another js framework for that?

Just buy more and more and more books.
And coding. No one needs books, if he don't code.

Just fml in general

Found this in a legacy codebase at work. Can't imagine what the coder was thinking. "Just in case"?

Today I got kicked out of a sports store in a city that I'm not from on Black Friday for *allegedly* walking onto the putting green and teeing off a little foamy practice ball with a 3 wood.

There were a lot of accusations(which was pretty ironic considering I *may* have).

My main defense is that I honestly didn't think I was talented enough for it to end up in hunting & fishing on the other side of the store.
On the plus side I may have found a new hobby outside of developing

@dfox Tag searches are too fuzzy. Someone tagged "cake" and I was curious how many other rants contained cake, but the search just had a bunch of results for "make," "cave," "wake," etc.

Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.

When you realize your professor who programs since the 486 era names all variables as such ad "vd_gr" (Validation date grant renewal), doesn't know what encapsulation is and writes his own cryptography algs, which basically replace one letter by another

**Facepalm

**then I still I have to tolerate all the critics for why I dropped college

I know a joke about UDP, but I'm not sure if will get it...

Got a pretty epic message yesterday:

"Hi, I just had a friend on phone and we got a rather "simple" idea for a website. 

Just a user ID and a password users would pay for. Then they would get access to their videos.

We are willing to pay 350 bucks for a working version and up to 680 depending on the result at the end of the project. 

Know anyone that could be interested? Or would you be? 

Have a good night. "

Solid.

What a developer does on friday evening, when he sees that his manager is in a meeting.

Refactored a lot of code in between meetings today. Feeling accomplished. Haha!

error handling

I get more work done when I know I'm leaving early than when I'm in the office for a whole day....

Internet Explorer why you so fast