Boils my fucking blood.

How many billions of dollars is Microsoft worth again? And they still make me update my fucking updater?

Why is there even a separate program for updating??

Worst advice: "Forget Android, specialize on BB10, that's the future'

Royally fucked up my computer by having my application open 50 instances of itself. I can't even move my mouse...

This week actually. We had an Innovation Week. I was tired of waiting for the company's collaboration tech team to give us some kind of virtual whiteboard system (they also won't let us use things like Google Hangouts or Microsoft One Note, etc...so they make remote collaboration and planning almost impossible)

Anyways long story aside I proposed we make a virtual whiteboard we could host internally as a web app using STOMP over Websocket. They said "there's no way you can finish that in a week". I did.

And it came out great. It even supports pressure sensitivity and different brush textures. Everyone loves it and teams are like...wow we could use this member facing too. Had like 5 people around my desk connected to it drawing dicks for like 30 minutes. Then our boss joined remotely and saw the dicks. They laughed their ass off.

tldr; was told there was no way I would complete an ambitious innovation project...completed it with style. Damn I am good.

Any train controllers expert? I'd like to hijack this train

Well, this is sad :(

OK I'm going write some serious heaps of code, my commits will fucking ddos the repository!

All I need is some tunes to drown out the office noise. Hey this song is quite good. Haha Google suggests my favorite song from 2 years ago, let's give that a try next. Oh I didn't know there was a new album out... hmm but I don't like everything... lets find out which 2 songs are good enough to add to a playlist by skipping aimlessly through it. Come to think of it, this style is not really that great for coding, maybe something with less vocals. Oh I know, I'll see if I can find some postmetal goa triphop electroswing dubpsy remix of that on YouTube, that would be enjoyable. No... I like the original better, although I'm a bit bored with it, maybe there's a similar artist hiding in a corner on Bandcamp, or Soundcloud... hey that's a cool mix, I wonder where that sample is from, lets try to find it...

So I visited my aunt's house a few days back.
They heard I write code (read: Google and copy-paste from Stack Overflow), and wanted me to help repair their computers.
Saw my cousin playing Battlefield 4 at sub-20 fps with a GTX 750 Ti on the lowest settings. His fucking CPU fan was bust, and judging by the amount of dust in his system, I literally thought he was cramming dust in there on purpose.

After a heavy dusting, another stick of RAM (4GB -> 12GB), a new heatsink (CoolerMaster T400i), and a fresh copy of Windows 10 (along with Office, etc.), he could play games at 60+ fps again.

What do I get? Not even a fucking thank you. Just a "you done yet? I want to play video games."
I mean... Gee. Your cousin flew all the way to a new continent, spent his precious vacation time helping you out, and all he gets is a cold-ass shoulder.
Even my fucking ex gave me more than that.

I'd tend to say Matlab :
- you don't learn to write good code
- if you start by learning Matlab, you tend to be stuck in Matlab
- it's heavy and ugly and expensive
- arrays start at 1

Hurray, the stickers are here! Now my laptop's awesomeness and coolness factor has been increased by infinite++!!! 😃
Thank you a lot, @dfox and @trogus!

Some of Google's API documentation..

3 hours to fix this typo.
wasteGategory :C

Got my new apartment and now need it hooked up.

So my dad (an experience developer) messages me and says the new apartment uses Verizon FiOS, $80 a month for TV + Gigabit internet

Well I checked the site and I see there's another plan: internet only at 50mbps... for $40

So I'm like "are you stupid?"

I don't need TV. If I really want, I'll just stream TV using THEIR login

And I don't need transfer speeds of 125 MB/s.... I ain't an online PVP gaming monkey

4MB/s is good enough...

Very accurate

Me: Can I have PhpStorm please.
Company: Is it free?
Me: No, but it's the best php IDE out there. It's a huge productivity boost and also helps avoiding bugs while refactoring.
Company: Nope. Use Zend Studio 9.
Me: Why?
Company: We paid money for it like two years ago.
Me: <contemplating life and my decision to ever work there>

To whomever it may concern: Zend Studio is the commercial brother of Eclipse PDT, which also is one of the most shittiest idea out there. Almost as bad as Netbeans for php.

You have all the problems you had with eclipse, and none of the features of phpstorm. Zend Studio does not help you to get work done. It is a constant hindrance, everything you achieve you achieve despite its usage.

October - Hired

November - Hear that CEO 2 was stealing the company money

December - Dismissing 6 persons. CEO 1 says to me that, since I'm the last hired, I'll be the first dismissed.

March - Company doesn't get better. Dismissing 3 persons... still there.

May - Company doesn't get better. Dismissing 2 persons... still there.

July - Company doesn't get better. Dismissing 9 persons... still there.

Now, with the remaining money the company should live for about 2 years and not dismiss employees anymore.

We were 25 employees, where are 4 now. I feel like the winner of Survivor.

Girl: I love guys who are rich.
Me: I paid for sublime and winrar.
Girl: Your place or mine??

Back in ninth grade.
Ouch..
(But I made a pretty decent game with it xD)

My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.

Friend: "You are good with computers right?"
Me: "Yes...."
Friend: "Can you put an eye on my computer? Mint crash at every startup"
Me: (Oh Linux! For this time ok) "Yeah, show me"

My friend open the pc...
Pc: "KERNEL PAAAAANIC!"
Me: ".... WTF!?"
Friend: "Can you repair this?"
Me: (shit.)

That was a long day...
(My friend closed the lid without the drivers and then the pc from the standby did not wake up correctly)

Printers.

*deep breath*

*scream*

When your code is a mess but still works

Light themes in any code/text editor.

Can you take a look at this?
Sure no problem.

Proceed to have my eyes melted by a burning white light.

There's a russian guy that's absolutely cracking my balls. He proposed to translate one of my apps and I said ok. When he sent me the translated version, I published it and everything was ok. Now he sent me another file saying that this one is the real final one. I said him I will change it in the next release, but now he started send me emails and he downvoted the app. FUCK OFF. I AM THE DEVELOPER, I DO WHAT I WANT. The guy is also very rude.

Fuck you java for forcing me to catch an exception which will never occur -.-

That person, who commits code without formatting. Every single time...😡😠😾

"Tabs create smaller file sizes. I run a compression company, trust me, I've devoted my life to minimalizing file sizes."

- Richard Hendricks

very serious printer problem 🙁

Lol
[the image is not mine]

True programmers can never cross the road without calculating the shortest path to cross....🚸🚧🚔🛣️✋