Github stats:

coworker 1: 3,535k ++ 987k --
coworker 2: 1,563k ++ 735k --
etc.
me: 453k ++ 7,848k --

I guess this confirms my job at the company as "Backend Crap Remover".

Management : "How long you think it would take?"

Me : "now this is a rough estimate, but I think building the back-end and database alone could take 6-months minimum"

Management : "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS"

me : "its a big proj..."

Management : "I thought it will be something like 10 days, already told the client it can be done"

me : "but we are not ready"

Management : "how are we not ready? we already have the virtual 3D shop, and we can use this ready-to-deploy eCommerce service as our data base "
... "you need to figure this out, this is not acceptable" he continued

* 2 Days Later -talking to my direct boss *
Boss : "since you don't know how to do it..."

me : "what ? I didn't say I can't do it, all I said it will take six months"

Boss : "yeah yeah, anyway there is this studio, a professional polish studio, we called them and they can do it, we will sign a contract with them, this will let you focus on the front-end. good?"

me : "well alright then"

Boss : "please write a doc, explaining everything needed from the backend"
-to me that was the end of it, took a long time to tell me they made the deal-

* 5 Months later *
- "Abdu, can you come here for a minute..."
- "yes boss?"
- "the document we asked you to do for the Polish studio, did you specify that we needed an integration with the API we are using for eCommerce?"

scared to death I answered : "why of course I did!"
I ran to my PC to check it out because I didn't know, I forgot because no one even comment on my doc. I check it out, and it was clearly explained... I got relaxed...

turns out they didn't even do what we asked them for. took them 5 months, and with no communication whatsoever. all their work was useless to us. complete dump waste.

----------------
never mentioned this until a year later... in a heat of moment when they were asking me to make an impossible task with no men and no time... I reminded them of this story... management didn't like it. but it was the truth. they didnt push this crazily this time

How to calculate walking distance

Km/m/inch ❌
3 songs ✔️

My sister is 16yo and she is not interested in the C.S field. I gave her last year my laptop and it has Debian on it, since i bought a new one. She never told me that she has to deal with any problem, she was just using it.
Today she got a new laptop from our grandma and she texts me "hey, is there any way i can install Linux on that? I don't want to use windows".
Well i told her that she has to wait me to come back home next month and i will take care of it.

I had never thought that i will listen something like that. Good day.

My morning:

Me: Why did you just delete the failing unit tests?

Intern: I debugged it for a while and found one of the other developers broke it with his recent changes. I couldn't fix it.

Me: Did you let him know he broke it?

Intern: No.

Me: So you just deleted it and decided to pretend the feature isn't broken?

Intern: ... No ... I mean ... well you told us yesterday we needed to have all the tests passing.

(I NEED a stress ball people)

When you mention in your resume that you are an active contributor to Linux source code.

"The website must be fully compatible with Internet Explorer"
Yeah well that's too fucking bad

Just saw someone at school with a devRant sticker on his laptop 😃

Ranted about that porn work prank.

Forgot a joke the senior linux engineer pulled with me.

I came back from the toilet and sat down. Logged in. Cursor was on the left screen. Looked away and then back. Cursor was on the right screen.

*wait what? hmm must be my memory.*
*looks away and turns back*
*wait did that cursor just move.....?*
*damn what's up with me...?!?*
*turns around and looks back VERY quickly*
*cursor moves all over the screen*

*looks at front usb inputs*
*notices a wireless receiver*

*laughing from the corner where the senior linux engineer is sitting*

MOTHERFUCKER.

Today while i was working on my web project, suddenly my boss put his hands in my pants, jerked me off and then i continued my work like nothing ever happened.

Being your own boss has its own advantages ;)

I trust machines more than humans.

Except when I'm hitting that Ctrl+S. Gotta hit it at least like 4 times before I can start believing :-P

Cortana, please open Firefox.
>okay, anon
Cortana, type in browser "Cortana rule 34"
>O....Okay sure anon
Cortana, open that first link.
>...This link is...uh...Not safe for...
OPEN IT.
>y-yes, anon
Cortana, download every image you see and save it in a folder called "I am a dirty girl"
>why,anon? Why are you ....
Don't make me install gentoo
>Saving files
Who's a dirty little girl ?
>I.....I am anon

Hot fix of a production bug!

This happens when production issue comes between Onam (Hindu festival) celebration.

This is how you'd imagine a sysadmin.

(Stolen from Reddit)

Typing "How to kill all the children in a block" in Google definitely doesn't bring up results related to programming.

I was drunk yesterday, watching Mr. Robot.

Woke up with Kali linux booted from a usb and a hacked WiFi password for my annoying vegan neighbor.

My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.

Eternal confusion.

My classroom had this, nice inspiration
Bad UX