PM: You know that screen that pops up at the start of the app asking for permission to access health data?

Me: Yeah the iOS HealthKit permission screen. What about it?

PM: Can you take that out. I don't think people are going to agree to it. I want people to use the app.

Me: Well we can't do that, apple says if we want to use HealthKit we have to ask for permission. We shouldn't be touching that data without permission anyway.

PM: Oh no permission is fine I get that, but is it not implied by downloading the app, its clearly a health app. I really don't want people to download it and then uninstall it because they don't like this.

Me: Not really, not everyone will know what data is needed, some of it might be sensitive to them.

PM: Nah I don't buy into that. I asked 5 of my friends on the golf course at the weekend and 3 of them said they wouldn't agree to it, thats 60% of our user base, we can't have that.

Me: ... ok, well I don't agree that your 5 friends is a fair sample to judge the whole world by, either way we have no choice.

Pm: No this isn't going to fly, can we not build our own HealthKit that doesn't have this kind of permission screen? Maybe we could start our own, and invite our partners to use it?

Me: ... no

Pm: why not? We'll have legal draw up something we put in the terms and conditions.

Me: ... it will take months to build for all the different types of devices we have, if they even let us get access to them, and then we will have a different standard to everyone else.

Pm: ... no your not seeing the big picture, i'll run the idea up the ladder.

**It was approved up the ladder, and subsequently cancelled when they realised the scale of the work involved which is both a "thank god" and a "wtf" moment**

I lost a friend today😭.

He wanted to checkout my MacBook Pro, because he was thinking about buying one.

So I pulled mine out of my backpack, and turned it on.. Then windows 10 popped up!

I looked at him in shock like I just got caught watching porn. I tried to explain to him “it’s not what you think! I had to install it to use Microsoft Project!

He just looked at me in disgust, shaking his head, and walked away....

Took the memory usage of a C++ program from 1.5GB to 700mb at work. Good times...

At Job interview.

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Me: I see myself as the leader of a raider group, robbing and scavenging together pieces of what is left of the civilization in hopes to build a weapon powerful enough to take the world back from a rogue AI, which I built myself few years earlier.

Interviewer: What!?

Me: What?

After 1,5 months of customer support as a Linux support engineer, I can honestly say:

Fuck wordpress.

Recruiter: And I found your devRant account, it’s @brod right? very interesting stuff.
Me: ...

HAHAHA.

Render issues IRL

On my twitter feed today.

When you wanted to know deep learning immediately

Busted

This is where US's bandwith is going

Machine Learning

Nice try ad-people

A nice application...

Just had the first pull request on my repo! ❤️

Me: *just playing around with Git on my terminal*

Friend: "Man, you're such a geek, typing your git command on the terminal.. I myself can't use git without the GUI at all"

Me: *stares at him in silence*

Me: "Wait... THERE 'S A GUI FOR THAT?"

*true story when I was in college*

Boss: "it's not the same font"
Me: "yes, it is"
Boss: "don't argue with me. It's a different font"
Me: "ok it's a different font" (it's not)
Boss: "change it please"

15 minutes later and I've done nothing at all to it. Boss comes back.

Boss: "see? I knew it was a different font. This looks perfect now. Why were you lying to me before? I don't like you arguing with me"

Android development is like:
- 30% of the time is coding & debugging
- 70% of the time is waiting for Gradle to build

I was explaining to my mom how my company is in need of developers and how we'll need more of them in the future - to which she replied:

"oh... what are you going to do? You can't live without a job!"

- erm? What?

"Well - you're not smart like those guys. You'll probably get fired now."

- Wtf mom!? I'm a friggin lead dev and i've been a developer for like 10 years now!? 😳

*silence* "is that what you've been doing? I thought you just kept clicking on stuff"