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Search - "!rant #humor"
Free advice take it or leave it
A few days ago I completed my one year work anniversary(is that how it's said) at my first job. And this rant is basically stuff I learnt and stuff I wish someone had told me when I was starting out. Here goes:-
When you are starting out your first job you would be a fresh out of college and people around you in college are your friends where as people around you at work are colleagues. Your friends can like you, but you have to earn the respect of colleagues.
If you sit yo ass too long u will become fat(started going to the gym again).
Don't bother your seniors too much. they have their own shit to deal with.
Don't bring your personal shit to office I don't want to hear how cute your dog looked while it took a dump on your carpet.
Avoid the person who gossips.
It's a two way street.
Whatever you find amazing your boss may not you know coz you are a geek and your boss isn't.
Don't talk to people when they are coding.Yeah just don't.
Avoid "below the belt" humor you may look funny but you loose respect in the long run.
Keep upgrading yourself don't stop learning.
Admit stuff you don't know don't Bullshit.
To sum it up it's a game of respect, respect of knowledge,respect of skill and most of all respect of attitude.8
"devRant has changed" "I'm so fed up with this site" "Its a bunch of hate and memes, it was so much better before"
devRant is approximately the same as it was when it was just a newborn. Remember the days of semicolon jokes being unironically funny?
Look at the top rants of all time, for fucks sake. #2 ever is:
"A different error message! Finally some progress!"
Posted three years ago. That's the second most upvoted rant in history (Remember, this was a "rant" because the joke/meme category didn't exist back then), it made it's way into the app store screenshots, and was a welcome post.
Now imagine that posted today. It would probably go over okay, in fairness, but it's certainly at risk of any number of pretentious pricks complaining about how this is "devRANT not 4chan" or how they had seen the joke before and it's a shitty repost.
And sure, the repost bullshit is fair. I'm not saying that all the reposts are good content. What I'm saying is devRant has always been full of reposts - they just weren't reposts in the early days. The quality of content is the same.
There's also the common misconception that your posts need to be directly related to tech to post on devRant. This is a myth propagated by 0 IQ heathens that don't read any further than the name of the application. Your posts can be anything that isn't prohibited, like porn, spam, and, importantly, politics (commonly overlooked rule)
"All the memes are just too much". Oh you poor fucking baby, let me pour you a healthy serving of pity juice. First of all, you can turn off the memes category, and while they will still find their way to your feed, the concentration will be much lower and it will once again be bearable for your pitiful, weak little soul. Do you seriously get annoyed that severely by shitty posts that you need to leave the app altogether, or do you just want the attention of being a "cool hipster that hates on xyz"?
"This place is just filled with hate! Why can't you just respect xyz technology, it isn't actually that bad!"
This is probably the most stupid fucking thing you could possibly ejaculate from your fingers into whatever device you are using to type. Welcome to devRant, we hate on shit. That's at our core. No, xyz technology ISN'T actually that bad, you're correct. But we're here to tear it apart because it probably has frustrated us in the past. I fucking hate JS because it was my first language and it confused the shit out of me. JS is a great language. But I still talk shit about it, and that's what we're here to do.
Like seriously, I know a lot of people post stuff they're proud of here, and then they're met with "Would be great if you didn't use xyz tech", and that hurts, but holy shit, this is devRant. If you're sensitive to criticism, or even just straight up being made fun of, don't post shit that you're proud of. You won't have a good time. It's just not what we do here.
Quick interlude before the conclusion, "My girlfriend dumped me after I named a class after her. She felt I treated her like an object." is also on the first page of all-time most popular posts.
In conclusion, devRant has not changed. Reposts have been a nuisance since day 0, and just because reposts look different these days doesn't mean the quality of content has decreased in any manner. The two main sources of your frustration are the volume of low-quality posts (Mind you, not the concentration of them, but the volume of them) and your own prejudices about the platform. You're looking back with rose-tinted glasses.
Here are some tips for a more enjoyable experience:
-Make sure you have the "Hide reposts" setting ENABLED in settings. Any posts marked as repost will be hidden in your feed, pulling down the concentration of low-quality posts.
-Keep to the algo sorting method. Obviously, algo is a bot, and there's still gonna be some shit content in there anyways, but if you're in recent, you are absolutely guaranteed to see low-quality posts. It's unfiltered.
-Keep in mind that what you consider a "quality" post is not what others consider a "quality" post. Just because you don't like memes doesn't mean memes are poor content. There are people here who have never seen the bobby tables comic. And they deserve the same experience we got when discovering dev humor.
-Don't be a prick. And if you cannot help yourself, leave. Ironically, you're making the site worse by complaining about how bad the site is. You can always come back if you aren't a prick anymore. And you can leave permanently if you choose as well.
-Downvote and move on. You're not doing anything but making yourself more aggravated by leaving a shitty comment about how shitty the shitty post is.
-Think critically. Obviously optional, and I know not many people like to use their brain when a phone is suspended between their hands, but if you want a better experience, remember to use your head and not to lose it.31
Last teacher rant from me and this one is about: my mentor.
Let's call him Bob.
He was a person who'd always be ready to help you out, did some lessons on bullying and the effects of it, stood by me many times when I'd have hard times with something I'd trouble and one of the most important things, he had a very good sense of humor!
Also, since I always wore a suit (still do), he introduced 'FaF' day, aka, Fancy as Fuck day. Every Wednesday the guys who wanted to would come in suits.
Yup, he got me through loads of stuff, miss that guy :)7
How is Nascar and Windows similar?
You don't watch Nascar for the race, you watch it for the crashes2
!rant. Haha....you get it when it happens to you. And the below meme isn't mine but I hope it gets me the stress ball.😂😂😂1
I damn love devs. The humor, the devs easter eggs...
Have you ever wondered what 'git' stands for?
try 'man git' ;)5
Got in trouble today during a Data integrity meeting, everyone kept talking about data massaging. "Massage this data", "massage that data table", "insert massaged data".
Finally I just blurted out, "yeah massage it all you want but how do I get a data happy ending?"
I thought it was hilarious. The other DBA and backend devs thought it was jokes, my manager... Not so much.
Apparently, I need to keep "thoughts and comments about data happy endings to myself moving forward".
...i just remembered why I have a MasturbatorPattern repository on my bitbucket, why is it named that way, and what it does.
It's one of the core abilities of that magical AI i've mentioned in my previous rant. And it's called that way, because of how it works:
The Agent has some objects (as in, class instances) available to it, and wants to get some other kind of object. So it inspects by reflection ("touches") all objects around itself, inspecting their public functions, building up a plan/path/tree of "this function takes the object I have as input, and returns this other object which this other function of other object takes as input and returns this different object, which...." etc, etc, until the final function returns the object the Agent wanted to get in the first place.
And then it goes and "does" all those functions, in that order piping the parameters through.
So first it touches them (second layer of metaphor - linux finger command), and then it does those which output (ejaculate =D) something useful to it.
Therefore, MasturbatorPattern =D
Not sure if my sense of humor is just weird or outright unfunny.8
When you want to filter Android studio by exceptions for your app and the exceptions that pop-up are from another app lol, in this case SoundCloud.
I just wanted to share my excitement! I'm going to start my first job in tech in about a week! I am going to be a QA Scripter and I'm only nineteen! Please find this attached gif with great humor in reference to how I feel right now3
I was over you from the second you came in my room uninvited and sprayed both me and everything else in here with perfume.
Take your 3rd grade humor somewhere else.
(Yes this is a part 2 to yesterday's rant, but this shit just keeps triggering me more. Send help.)6
So this happened sometimes ago.
We ,primarily, makes accounting software with industry specific integrations of manufacturing,etc. A soon-to-be new client visited our office for a meeting and a quick demo.
He's not satisfied with his current software and wants to switch but keeps bragging about how his current software operates and it's easier for him.(Only because he's been using it for years.)
NC : We used to do like that. Blahblahblah.
My Boss : Well, I built this new office last year. I visited "Taj Mahal" just before that. It was so beautiful. But it doesn't mean I should build a "Taj Mahal" for my office because it's not practical. Same goes for this software.
The client has a great sense if humor. He burst into laughing after 5 secs of silence. Not a single word of his current "system" after that.
PS : My first post.3
An actual text from my CS Human-Machine Interfaces book:
"How do users react when a vending machine "eats" their money and doesn't give the product? Most likely, they will kick the machine in hopes of it returning him the money. Therefore, if we build a machine which has a "Cancel" button which returns the money in the lower part of the machine (the "kick zone") we would be improving the usability of the system a lot'
1st reaction: Wait, what the fuck?
2nd reaction: It ain't stupid if it works, I can't argue with that 🤔2
1. Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine Women can deliver a baby in One month.
2. Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
3. Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single Woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4. Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.
5. Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6. Resource Optimization Team thinks they don’t Need a man or woman; They’ll produce a child with zero resources.
7. Documentation Team thinks they don’t care whether the child is delivered, they’ll just document 9 months.
8. Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
9. Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.
If you haven't downloaded 323232 programming ebooks to read god knows when then you are not a programmer..3
Started writing a book. A book of humor based on my observations of people, society, and technology. And I observe a lot, so there's no shortage of material.3
Apparently the standard "pack" of applicants for a job is at least 100 people, how else can you only be in the top "2%"? If there's only 2 applicants, your fingers (typing skills?) are in the top 2%, and the rest is in the upper 48.
All of that just to say it would have been better worded as 2 in 100 people than 2% =).
Random prank idea:
Change all the semicolons to Greek question marks(alt + 037e), watch their entire world crashing down
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)2
*generic, flaming hyperbole about software lacking preferred features*
*over-glorifying opinion on preferred software and its superior implementations of features offered by hated product*
*actually employee of software #2's company*