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Search - "exhaustion"
I really hate this company.
The code is a disaster. Every single other employee is a salesperson. Nobody has any bloody clue what I do or how difficult it is. They don't care about stability (unless things are crashing), maintenance (until crashing), code quality (until it delays features), or anything apart from shiny new features they can sell. The boss (the king salesman, if ever there was one) doesn't know how to manage, but tries to by acting like his "nice asshole" self -- he's an asshole that gives you passes, makes sure it's bloody obvious that he's doing it begrudgingly, yet everything is still absolutely your fault. If he arbitrarily decides it's too much your fault, he stops being "nice" and flips out on you in front of everyone. That's a "nice asshole": an asshole who can barely even pretend to be nice.
And you know what? I really hate having to work next to these fucking birds, too.
Today was our weekly conference call, and I was both late and unprepared. I was too focused on my work, and got a ping 4 minutes into the meeting, so I obv didn't have time to prepare. Boss was also pissy today, and I didn't have much to show for my week, thanks to lots of little "OMG NEED ASAP" shit projects that all took too long, pushing back what I was actually supposed to work on. Which didn't get finished, of course, and today that project was "the most important" -- I suspect simply because it wasn't finished. AGADJFSKL. Cue the birds fucking screaming and never fucking shutting up no matter what I did. Blanket? No effect. Spray bottle? SCREAM MORE! Boss was yelling at me, the birds were screaming, and I couldn't think. Goddamn fucking disaster.
and yes, we have a macaw. A macaw and over 20 cockatiels. Said macaw decided today was a lovely day to just fucking SCREAM non-stop, and the tiels were doing their best to keep up. Thinking clearly during this cacophony? Not gonna happen.
Wait, "go elsewhere," you say? Somewhere quieter? Where is this "elsewhere?" We live in a fucking tiny house, and during the call it was (and still is) filled with sleeping people, and surrounded by a fucking desert. Who the fuck thought living in the desert was a good idea, anyway? Like, seriously. What brainless moron thought "You know what? This is a great place! Let's settle down right here," while trudging through the scorching sand and dust, looking at the basically lifeless horizon filled with large, hot, dry, dusty, barren rocks (aka "mountains"), and fucking dying from thirst? Probably someone so delirious from heatstroke they never actually recovered, and continued raving that it's a goddamn paradise to their heat-addled imbecile followers. I really hope they hallucinated a la-z-boy in place of a hedge of teddybear cholla and died an excruciating and prickly death. Fuck that guy/girl, too.
But I digress.
I seriously need an office that isn't a 30 min drive into gang-central. I'd work outside, but I live in the middle of the bloody fucking desert, and get heat exhaustion within about half an hour. Everywhere else in the house people bother me almost incessantly.
just. FUCKING FJASKLDFJGAG.
I HATE THIS PLACE SO SO SO MUCH.
'I've had such Zen lately,' Alex said. Maybe then, but lately? I've just been too exhausted and burned out from putting up with all this shit to get angry. Days like today? I could pour kerosene over everything and laugh as it all just burned to ash.17
The strangest place I've ever coded... I woudn't say it was the strangest, but definitely the least expected?
The hospital's recovery room after my second child.
I was working at/in Hell at the time (see previous rants concerning API Guy and the asshole salesman CEO). Said salesman douchebag ceo bossman had no recollection of me being expecting, going to the hospital, or even why I was there (and if he did, he wouldn't have cared at all). He still insisted I work on his shit features because they were so important for his ever-so-important client and their new signups that they were going to do anyway. I loathe him so fucking much.
Anyway, the feature in question was pretty tiny: during the new client onboarding process, if the client came from a specific affiliate link, the frontpage should change to reflect that affiliate's branding -- different background, a custom header, etc. It was pretty easy to do, though I made certain he didn't know that. During an hour while everyone else was asleep (and while I wasn't passing out from exhaustion), I pulled out my macbook air and built his stupid feature next to my hours-hold newborn.
Did I get any appreciation for that? Sure! He showed appreciation by not yelling at me for a few days. But only because he thought the feature was difficult and that I got it done quickly, not because anything else was difficult. Asshole.
Yes, I told him several times before and several times more afterward. I don't know what goes though his head or how it even works, but it didn't seem like a big deal to him, and he kept forgetting, or maybe he just pretended to listen like he always did. Fucking asshole apparently never heard of maternity leave. I could rant and swear and curse and fume and rage about him for years 🤬 I can't believe I was so excited when I netted that job.
But anyway, building the feature was actually kind of relaxing. I organized and wrote the entire project myself, so working with it was a pleasure, and it was an easy change that I could abstract nicely and cleanly. I totally didn't mind doing it, and actually kind of enjoyed it. I just hated who I was doing it for, and that he didn't fucking care. Used and abused? absolutely. I hope he dies in the most painful, gruesome way possible. Spaghettification might not even be awful enough7
aslkfjasf. i've spent 12 hours today (and lots more over the past two days) trying to reproduce a bug that my [sort of] coworker insists is present. I haven't seen any proof of it anywhere, let alone steps to reproduce it.
I've poured through the code, following all of its tangled noodles of madness from start to fuck-this-shit. I've read and reread the pile of demon excrement so many times i can still read the code when i close my eyes. so. not. kidding.
anyway, the coworker person is getting mad because i haven't fixed the bug after days, and haven't even reproduced it yet. This feature is already taking way too fucking long so I totally don't blame him. but urghh it's like trying to unwind a string someone tied into a tight little ball of knots because they were bored.
but i just figured out why I haven't been able to reproduce it.
the stupid fucking unreliable dipshit ex-"i'm a rockstar and my code rocks"-CTO buffoon (aka API Guy, aka the `a=b if a!=b`loody pointless waste of mixed spaces and tabs) that wrote the original APIs ... 'kay, i need to stop for breath.
The dumbfuck wrote the APIs (which I based the new ones on mostly wholesale because wtf messy?), but he never implemented a very fucking important feature for a specific merchant type. It works for literally every type except the (soon-to-be) most common one. and it just so happens that i need that very specific feature to reproduce this bug.
Why is that one specific merchant type handled so differently? No fucking idea.
But exactly how they're handled differently is why I'm so fking pissed off. It's his error checking. (Some) of his functions return different object types (hash, database object, string, nullable bool, ...) depending on what happened. like, when creating a new gift, it (eventually...) either returns a new Gift object or a string error basically saying "ahhh everything's broken again!" -- which is never displayed, compared against, or recorded anywhere, ofc. Here, the API expects a Hash. That particular function call *always* returns a Hash, no matter what happens in the myriad, twisting, and interwoven branches the code could take. So the check is completely pointless.
EXCEPT. if an object associated with another object associated with the passed object (yep) has a type of 8. in which case, one of the methods in the chain returns a PrintQueue that gets passed back up the call stack. implicitly, and nested three levels in. ofc.
And if the API doesn't get its precious Hash, it exclaims that the merchant itself is broken, and tells the user to contact support. despite, you know, the PrintQueue showing that everything worked perfectly. In fact, that merchant's printer will be happily printing away in the background.
All because type checking is this guy's preferred method of detecting errors. (Raise? what's that? OOP? Nah, let's do diverging splintered-monolithic with some Ruby objects thrown in.)
what the crap.
people should keep their mental diarrhea away from their keyboards.
Anyway. the summary of this long-winded, exhaustion-fueled tirade is that our second-most-loved feature doesn't work on our second-most-common merchant type.
and ofc that was the type of merchant i've been testing on. for days. while having both a [semi] coworker and my boss growing increasingly angry at me for my lack of progress.
It's also a huge feature, and the boss doesn't understand that. (can't or won't, idk)
that's been my week.
...... WHAT A FUCKING BUFFOON!3
Me: take care of yourself, people. Physical and mental health is more important than your work.
Also me: I stay up late to get everything done, wanting to prove myself. I try to please people, work longer than I know I should, and am watching out more for others than I do for myself.5
Had a 1:1 with my boss last night and together we figured out a tricky bug related to my PR. However, either my PR or that bug patch broke a tangentially-related test. Queue my usual exhaustion, and I gave up trying to fix it.
This morning, I'm looking at it and nothing makes sense. My change should not have broken the test. So I reran the controller's tests, and... they all pass?
What is logic.
Good thing, though; that test leads to a few rabbit holes I haven't even begun exploring yet.
Oh, never mind. It broke again.
Ergh, here we go. 😔11
The last several weeks I've been coding at 100%, most all day and well into the night. Today, I just can't.
Things I have done today:
*Walked around outside a bit.
*Let my 18 month old daughter type all over my code
* Closed mysterious dialogs and menus daughter opened up that I couldn't open if I tried
*Watched the Mets score 10 runs on the Phillies in the top of the 5th inning
*Stared at stuff
* Cleaned up a few thousand emails out of my inbox
* Added filters to never see them again
* Noted impending deadlines on the calendar
* Stared at more stuff
In the meantime so many more ideas have come flooding in on how to proceed with these various features I'm working on. Can't even run from work.
So, no such thing as laziness, because apparent laziness is also productive. The exhaustion becomes doubly frustrating because there's just no way to physically keep up with the breakthroughs.
I'm still just staring out the window. It's raining now. Today is done.8
GUESS WHO JUST BURNT OUT?
With 3 weeks to go to launch I've just been booked off for a week for chronic stress and exhaustion.
No laptop for a week.2
My weekend full of exhaustion and sleep is drawing to a close. Time to start a week full of exhaustion and struggling to stay awake at work.10
That moment when you walk away from a problem out of exhaustion, then you understand exactly how to solve it and sit down at the computer again.2
not universal, but works for me:
1. start listening to long video/podcast/talkshow i'm interested in
2. (optional) think about all the physical things i should do, such as cleaning the house, running errands, etc. conclude "nah, i'd rather stay at the computer".
3. open the project i'm working on, thinking "while i listen, i might as well muck about with this for a bit". the key is for the thought to be duration-indeterminate and non-commital, so it feels like an idea for a voluntary idle activity.
4. start mucking around with the project, starting with the simplest smallest tasks, to slowly shift my focus away from what i'm listening to, so it gradually becomes the background thing as the work gets into foreground of my concentration without me even noticing. this also naturally shifts me towards the more important and complicated tasks in the project
5. naturally lose track of time, realizing i've been working for 2 to 3 hours without break only after what i'm listening to ends (sometimes not even then)
6. at that point, take a break, stretch my legs, get some food, watch some 20-30 minute thing with full attention.
7. find a new long-form mostly audio thing to listen to, and go to step 4. repeat.
8. i found i can work like this 8 to sometimes 20 hours straight in a nice atmosphere, without feeling like i spent the time working with all the mental exhaustion it brings, instead it feeling like "i was listening to interesting/entertaining things and mucking around with some stuff on the side", with all the feeling of "i've been idling the whole time" except the work is actually done, or at least i made a progress. it feels almost like procrastinating except without the guilt because i can see i've done a lot through that time. kind of a good compromise between total procrastination and working your ass off into complete anxiety/depression2
Just got hospitalized because of exhaustion after 22 Hours of non-stop Programming. Diagnosed having Light Cardiac Arhythmia
Its Raining Season, my usual habit of Morning Jog cannot be done, i gain 12kg this past 1.5 month. I need to consider joining gym membership.
I am fucked up.12
I postponed a job interview due to overtime stress at current job.
I want a New job cause I'm not being treated well and worked to death.
I think the exhaustion and sleep depravity is screwing with my priorities.
Why in hell did I postpone?1
Prior to a tech conference in Las Vegas, the department manager held pre-meetings (yes, more than one)
with the developers to outline their expected behavior (yes, there was an outline in Word). Since
they would be representing the company, professionalism would be expected at all times, not just
during the conference. He knew he couldn’t forbid gambling and drinking, but any unruly behavior
that could reflect badly on the company would be dealt with severe disciplinary action up to and
including termination. He wrote up very detailed itinerary, what track each developer was
expected to attend, meal times (yes, what time to get up for breakfast, meet for lunch, and time
to eat at night). First day was fine, casinos are kinda crazy so having an itinerary wasn’t the
worst idea and no one got lost. Days following however, got interesting. After the first evening
meal, everyone hit the casino as expected (too much drinking, etc..normal single twenty-something
guys do) and the manager especially had a good time.
Next, and following days, the manager could not be found in any of the ‘required’ technical tracks.
Not that they cared that much, but couple of devs decided to check out the casino, and sure enough,
there he was at one of the tables, drunk, and being very loud around at 10 in the morning.
Again, nobody cared much, manager wasn’t very tech savy, and so attending a track on C #threading
would be lost on him. It was more of ‘do as I say, not as I do’ kind of thing.
The manager kept to the itinerary, he met everyone at breakfast, lunch, and dinner, etc, but the
‘WTF’s didn’t get good until the manager was bragging about how wonderful the conference was, how
much he was learning and couldn’t wait to get back and start implementing everything he was learning.
It was such a joke, the guys would bait him on tracks they know he didn’t attend and an amazing amount
of BS could not be believed.
On the last day of the conference several decided to follow him after breakfast to see where he went
and watched him go into a technical track, just to walk back out and straight to the casino floor.
Again, around 10, he was drunk, not quite as loud until he threw up in a trash can (they said it was quite a scene).
He left to go back his room, which they suspected he took a nap before meeting everyone for lunch.
After that, they gathered his daily itinerary was:
- Get up for breakfast
- walk around and make sure it looked like he was heading to a track
- head to the casino
- take a nap
- eat lunch
- walk around some more
- head to the casino
- take a nap
- eat dinner
- head to the casino
Last day caught up with him. After about week of drinking, staying up late, etc, his body (he’s in his mid 50’s, 350lbs+, so imagine)
kinda’ gave up. Could barely walk 50 feet without needing to sit down, and the flight back was worse for everyone,
throwing up occasionally, moaning, you get the idea.
On the following Monday with the VP if IT, everyone was discussing the conference, what they learned,
what they liked, etc, the manager also bragged, yes bragged, on how tired he was because of how much
he learned and the reason why he probably caught the flu (he couldn’t hide how sick he was on the flight)
saying “When you’re in the learning zone, you lose track of time and then you are so exhausted, your
immune system is susceptible to all kinds of things.” . VP was so impressed by his dedication and
fighting through the exhaustion for the good of the company, he gave him the rest of the day off.
Other devs? No, they had to go back to work.2
The week where you have so much to do on different projects, that even if you manage to work on all od them a bit it feels like nothing has been accomplished.
The point of being so tired that even the mildest sickness feels rediculously awful.
And it's friday. I manged to do some work for one of my bosses but the work I want to do didn't really get done and now I have two meetings in which I can say I started doing xyz but couldn't finish it due to bugs and exhaustion. And for the other project I wrote documentation.
i acquired a mental and physical burnout exhaustion so no alarm clock can wake me up anymore
anyone have a better idea what to do for alarm clock to wake me up between 5-7am ?23
I put the same song in a forever loop.
There are 3 stages each increasingly stronger! :
Level one: get lucky - daft punk
Level two: whiskey in a jar - Metallica cover
Level three: gangnam style - psy
I close all im, email and whatnot and code till exhaustion.
I normally listen to metal and classical music BTW.
Another chapter of my nano-drone love-hate story. Deployment using the old pipeline, but with new augmentations. Next week hopefully, we will deploy a better version with the new pipeline :)
I said a lot of things at work today that made me look like an asshole but I'm gonna move on and trust that they know me well enough to figure out that it's an endless string of typos due to exhaustion and I don't do people like that.
Let's all move forward and change the topic to video games, racist jokes, and Muslims reacting to corned beef. That would save my reputation.8
I love robots and I so-fucking-much love working with them... But for some reason, which may very well be exhaustion, I am not looking forward to tomorrow and writing ROS services for the currently packaged stuff.
I've been drunk quite a lot lately, yet i'm not tryna forget or quit anything. Am i getting alcoholic ? This create a lot of bad situation going around my life, sleep deprivation, health problem, etc..
Am i thinking my work and my company to seriously? Last time i work too hard, i got hospitalized for exhaustion. My brain can't stop thinking, always getting left and right, here and there. Am i getting crazy?14
I basically had to start a day late because of a doctors appointment, which was fine. But the next day when my work week actually began, I ended up passing out due to heat exhaustion. It was fairly embarrassing to say the least.4
First rant here
Well thing is that my CS school did have teachers and half the grade was from a product presentation and half on teammates reviews.
My teammates mostly didn't have any idea what SOAP was. That was the theme of the project and we had to make a Webservice which they didn't even understood what it meant.
I spent one day from 8am to 1am trying to explain, in despair I ended up not sleeping, not eating, working 24/7 all the week and collapsing of exhaustion.
I was taken to the hospital, got back home but have lost time and had only implemented 3/4 of the functionalities.
The others (6) only did managed to make a basic GUI I would have to link myself. One of them, the project manager had done testing and lots of good stuff, made a 80pages report but the other 5 were shitty.
They all gave me the worst peer review grade but the manager, they got A I got C (ABCD scale).4
So the project I have been working on for the past 5 months was finally released yesterday with only very minor problems, this stemmed from both programming side, and users entering data incorrectly.
It has been a rather hectic 5 months. I've had to deal with crap like:
- clients not knowing their own products
- a project manager that didn't document anything (or at least everything into a Google Slides document)
- me writing both requirements AND specifications (I'm a dev, not a PM)
- developers not following said specifications (then having to rewrite all their work)
But the worst thing I think would be the lack of vision from everyone. Everyone sees it as a "project" that should be get it over and done with rather a product that has great potential.
So with the project winding down, and only very few things left to fix/implement. Over these 5 months I learned a lot about domain driven design, Laravel's core, AWS, and just how terrible people are at their jobs. I imagine if I worked with people who gave a damn, or who actually had skills, I probably wouldn't have had such a difficult project.
Right now I'm less stressed but now feel rather exhausted from it all. What kind of things do you to help with the exhaustion and/or slow down of pace?1
Last night I came back from work completely drained, as usual, and thought to myself - "I'll just lie down for a second..." Next thing my alarm wakes me up 12 hours later - "What the... Again?!?"
It was just my biannual collapse from exhaustion. Now I'm good to go for at least six more months. Yay...
This is what happens when you have been working only on "critical" and "we have to do this or the company sinks" projects (are there any other kinds anyway?) for the past 10 years with NO rest between jobs and NO leisure vacations taken...
Funnily enough, this event coincides with my futile biannual introspective analysis on things I did wrong in my life.
Now back to saving the company...2
Be it public parks, or airports.
Be it people bitching about a perfectly good cup of coffee/chai or people snoring in a library.
If not for my earphones, I would be exponentially ineffective each day, and melt down in a blob of exhaustion.
I become such a infinite source of all peace after I plug my earphones in and it continues for some hours after I take them off.1