I hope you will forgive me for a third hand story, but I'm one of those evil developers, not a support per se. But I thought you'd enjoy this story anyway. So this happened to a colleague of a colleague:

$Hero - our hero. $Cop - A representative of our hard worked law enforcement agency.

So $Hero is happily speeding along in his car, running a few yellow lights a bit late, etc. Finally, the law catches up to him and pulls him over. Here's how the conversation went:

$Cop: Can I see your driving license, please?

$Hero (with smug grin): Certainly. Here it is, officer.

$Cop takes license back to motorcycle and speaks into radio.

$Hero: It's not going to help you any, though.

$Cop (with no reaction): What do you mean?

$Hero (with wider grin): The server you have to check it against is down.

$Cop (still no reaction): And why do you say that?

$Hero: Because I'm the guy they called to get on site and get it up again.

Our hero did not get a fine this time. Instead he got a police escort to his workplace.

Source: reddit r/talesfromtechsupport

Shit, I'm reading devRant in Church! Please forgive me dear Lord.

I’m sorry I didn’t read your marketing email within 2 minutes of getting it. Please forgive me.

Sent HTML to google translate server side to support multiple languages.. actually worked pretty well but it made me feel dirty for weeks.

This happens when your feedback is too important.
'I’m sorry I didn’t read your marketing email within 2 minutes of getting it. Please forgive me."

Please forgive me father, for I have sinned. I turned on light theme on DevRant, for the dark one doesn’t work that well in the sun

took me about 6+ months to accept that relational database is better than blockchain. But since i am doing project involving -smartcontract- now, theres nothing i can do but to tell some people that blockchain is a good thing. please forgive me for spreading this technology... after i finish this project, i promise to never step on blockchain environment again

Can someone please forgive me for this mess?
Atleast its a fast mess.

(btw: I have no idea wether it works. I hope it does)

Please open this rant. Make sure to get a good look at my username. Then go to the comments and call me an idiot because FUCK I JUST POURED A GLASS OF WATER ON MY LAPTOP.

Left it upside down to dry for a bit. Please forgive my for the sudden shower 😭😭😭

“I’ve tried everything, it won’t work. I HAVE to do it this __insert-stupid-dev-fuckery-here__ way”

Hmmmm 🤔 ok have you tried getting down on your hands and knees and walking around like a little piggy begging daddy to rough you up and put you in a pen?!? Because that’s what your gonna need to do for me to forgive you. Please please please just try to THINK about it before you do ANYTHING

Not testing for ~ 2 years but I already have been punished. Please forgive me.

For the first time, after 4 years, i have installed tinder. I feel depressed for having to do vengeance. And i also feel depressed for not having to do it. I feel sad for being forced to find another girl. This is not how i imagined it to be

Right now its 1-0 for my blonde ex gf. I have to have a random hookup at least a 1 night stand to make this 1-1. This is what i did before but now after experiencing love for the first time, true love in the first 2 years with her, for the first time that somebody genuinely loved me other than my parents, is very hard for me to go back to random hookups

Hookups are meaningless to me now. But i am forced. I have been given a check mate

⚠️Why do i have to be forced to fuck another girl in order to prove my girlfriend that other girls still want me, so that my girlfriend will love and want me again as well?....⚠️

Please reread this paragraph above 3 more times. Let it sink in. That is saddening to me. The more she sees how no other girl wants me, the less interest she has in me....

Im literally sitting. Listening to sad depressing "music" which is more of nature and dark rain sounds. I also started working out aggressively. I couldnt eat for 5 days due to finding chats on my blonde ex gfs phone with the other guy...

Now 8 days later... I have lost 6 kg and counting. I am barely eating. I am using the screenshots of their chats as an overdosed injection of adrenaline every time pre workout and during workout

Today she didnt text me at all. I always start the conversation first. I have to move on and i am still in disbelief that i have to do it.

My birthday is next week and the last thing i need is to spend being depressed....

I feel lost

But i have a feeling all i need to do is get rich. All i need is to get my money up and that way find more easily a new better behaved normal gf.

God help me

Forgive me God for everything

Thank you God for everything

Guide me God on the right path, for i am lost

Please.

.

Confession!!

Ohh Lord, Please forgive me. Today I committed a sin and tomorrow I will have to commit it again. I wrote a shitty code and will have to write it tomorrow also. I am so ashamed of myself. I promise, I will refactor the code before releasing it for code review. My excuse for doing the sin is that I want to make it work first, it is little complex. I hope, if someone will stumble on it, then that person will not judge me by few shitty snippets I wrote to make it work.
Thanks,
An embarrassed programmer

Dev sin: when you're too lazy to configure ufw (uncomplicated firewall) so you just shut it down instead 😓

Git Commit Part 3:
28d48b0 This is why the cat shouldn't sit on my keyboard.
95df68f I must enjoy torturing myself
c5acfc2 Fix my stupidness
3a57702 I hate this fucking language.
6cb212a Too tired to write descriptive message
292b1e2 That last commit message about silly mistakes pales in comparision to this one
f4a091f Does not work.
5af1ca1 small is a real HTML tag, who knew.
e7d2d84 Best commit ever
f54d32b de-misunderestimating
f587ca1 Added translation.
352e29c Future self, please forgive me and don't hit me with the baseball bat again!
54403a6 Now added delete for real
9f42f38 Who knows...
5df8457 more ignored words
56bd0ef Added missing file in previous commit

Today I noticed I did a very bad thing. My boss gave us $300.00 bonus for christmas. On 30/12/16 (our pay day), the accounts clerk said that our boss will deduct the $300.00 bonus that he gave us for christmas. Which was not true, he didn't deduct it, he included it in the payslip clearly. Without asking question or even looking at the payslip, I have started to insult about my boss to my friends. That was very bad.

I wish god will forgive me.
PS: Please don't comment "404 - God not found."

Updating 4K rows in a table with 4M using Libreoffice Calc to generate the queries.

I know, it's not the best solution, but I'm afraid of the single query solution.

Please, forgive me.

This morning, I tried to abstract myself from my computer while trying to calculate sqrt(1.81).
I came up with what I thought to be a genius method. I tried to find B such as (1+B)^2=1.81. Then I ended up calculating the discriminant of 1+2B+B^2 and had 4*1.81. Sounded funny at first, but upon calculating the positive solution amongst the 2 possible ones, I ended up with (-2+2sqrt(1.81))/2 = ... sqrt(1.81)-1. Upon replacing in the initial equation, one gets (1+sqrt(1.81)-1)^2 = (sqrt(1.81))^2 = 1.81.

I'm sorry for having let you down, dear pasokon. Please forgive me.

This is not a rant. Rather just a question or an ask for advice, as I have seen a lot of people talk about web development around here. I am planning to create a website for my search engine. I created a Rest API for my VPS so I can do http requests and retrieve some links for certain key words. But I need some good ideas to do this from a website. As I am not sure what would be the best way to do http requests. As far as I know it's possible with Js and PHP, but I am not sure what's better, more secure or convenient? So here I am to ask you guys, especially those who have experience with this, what I should consider to do.
Oh and please forgive me my limited knowledge about Js and PHP 😅😊

!dev

Nothing is a dream.

My very first step, as I left the staircase, was on a plate. A loud click made my instincts tick, pushing me to blindly roll forwards.

Before I even had the time to process, that I had just evaded being burnt alive by a wall of flames, the rumblings of another mechanism made my heart accelerate yet again.

Five iron spikes descended uppon me, scratching my cloak, but no more. Twice I was lucky...

But three doors: one behind me, two to my left and right. The ones at my sides spring open with a loud crack, and four terrors pour out, seeking to flay me alive and wear my skin.

I slash at them with my bloody falchion, walking backwards, seeking to escape through the remaining door. Primal fear runs through my spine as I realize: it's barred from the other side!

Burning through my mana, I manage to unlock the door, and quickly close it behind me... but the terrors do not abandon the chase. With inhuman strength, they pound on the door, while desperately crying out for my blood.

I try to escape to the next room... another locked door. There must be another way! There has to, or I'm as well as dead...

What's this, in the corner, among cobwebs? A handle... and a secret passageway, that I can close from the other side! Magnificent!

Another flight of stairs takes me deeper into the tomb. I find an oil lamp, suspiciously well-maintained. Someone has been here recently...

I marvel at the macabre carvings on the wall, depicting scenes from when immortal tyrants ruled the earth. Haven't I seen these before... ?

No matter, I must focus. I was instructed to find an artefact hidden within this acursed place, that I may use for the purification ritual -- there is only one way, so onwards.

An old wooden gate, with a broken bronze knob. Soon as I put my hand on it, it opens inwards...

Eyes black like diamonds, she awaited me inside.

I had never been, simultaneously, just as terrified as enraptured. Day and night, her voice still reverberates inside my mind. And even as I lay dead, her inescapable gaze still clutches the very bottom of my heart.

"Did you come for me?" she asked, smiling, opening up her arms, so that I may fall into her sweet, loving embrace.

"Yes" I whispered as I walked towards her, enthralled.

In a bout of deranged ecstasy, she drank every last drop of my blood. But then... she cried, cuddling my remains.

"No... no, no, NO!" her screams tore apart her very soul "I killed my son... I KILLED MY SON!"

Oh, mother...
Don't cry mother
it hurts no more.

Now I live again.
And I forgive you.

Because I loved you,
as ashamed as I am to admit,
the very moment I saw your eyes,
I loved you.

"I was imprisoned here, so that I may not harm anyone else" she muttered, tears in her eyes "I cannot stop myself -- I am cursed"

Do not ask of me, that I end your suffering.
How could I?
If there is no cure...

"Please, my love... " she begged "kill me... "

No... I can't...
I can't bear either weight
for the rest of this wretched eternity!

How could I take your life?
But how could I leave you to suffer?!

"Now we'll be together... " she smiled, as I raised the falchion.

"Forevermore" I wept, before bringing it down.

***

Nothing is a dream.

Somber, I returned to the Santuary, having fulfilled my mission.

But looking uppon the bone mask I donned, obscuring my eyes, the Matriarch knew that I had been... changed.

I felt no remorse as I slaughtered the witch that doomed my beloved, right on her own altar to heresy. She earned as much.

Her guards, however, I could not defeat.

But that doesn't matter;
deep inside, I was already dead.
And behind the mask,
the whole way through,
I had shed tears without pause.

"Now we'll be together... " I prayed to the nightsky, as silver blades punctured my thorax.

"Forevermore" her sweet voice replied.

***

Question time;

Do you guys pronounce the database query language as 'S.Q.L.' or 'See-quel'

Personally hearing the latter makes me want to punch the person saying it right in the throat.

*****edit
Please forgive the pea-roast, didn't check to see if this had been previously asked.