When your Boss openly refers to projects as Micro-sites to the client, devaluing the scope of work, and being completely unaware of the actual scope of work, which is essentially a twitch platform, to be built on wordpress, with integration to Power Point Dock, and a live chat queue

Received a message from a recruiter on my LinkedIn, decided to meme it.

I hate this type of Developer who always asks to add everything as requirement for every single detail. Company is paying you for thinking, or at least asking BA, not only coding requirements in Java/C#/whatever and denying fixes because it was not in requirements.

This is the first time an IDE has apologized to me.
PS: Dev notes, crash reports etc are excluded. This is the IDE saying sorry I can't do it, no matter what.

How documentation works

Microsoft buys npm
Am I the only one seeing a tendency of a few big companies (Microsoft, Apple, Google, Yandex, Tencent and 10-15 more) slowly (or not so slowly) acquiring more and more small companies? I hope however that it stays as transparent to the end user; I also hope it even helps, because I hate getting used to a product/service and then the company dropping it because they have no resource and/or interest in supporting it (Google Inbox anyone?)

Convincing my parents that I'm doing something useful on my computer and that it can also help me get a job

God bless those developers who give you a dark theme for their apps

Me: *puts small piece of tape over webcam*

NSA: Okay guys, shut it all down. No way we can record from the microphone, log keys, access the file system, USB devices, network data or watch the screen. He did the tape.

Girl: "hey"

My Brain:
java.lang.NullPointerException:
at net.brain.functions.Talk.retrieveSpeech(Talk.java:2978)
at net.brain.functions.Talk.createFlirtyResponse(Talk.java:3132)

Me: null

*Girl walks away*

What kinda music do devs usually listen to while working? My friends (devs) say I'm weird.

Idk, but I listen to slow melodious songs. Am I upsetting the order of things and breaking unspoken, universal laws by listening to Birdy or Ed Sheeran while coding!

My clients be like

The highest data transfer rate today - 256 gigabytes per second - was achieved when the cleaner's vacuum cleaner accidentally sucked the flash drive in from the floor.

When you talk to other devs about what their code did. I also relate myself to this.

" If you can put an axe through it, it's hardware; if you want to put an axe through it, it's software. " -- Unknown

Why not! 😂

So sad and true

This guy at my last internship. A windows fanboy to the fucking max!

He was saying how he'd never use anything related to Linus Torvalds because he hated him for creating Linux.

Two seconds later I saw him initializing a new git repo.

I was standing there like:

*should I tell him?*

😅😆

when your code is a mess but everything work out in the end

[devart No. 3]
Title: "Go fix yourself"

Conversation with my Boss

B: Are u a hacker?
M: No
B: We need a hacker?
M: Why?
B: Because X department wants to do a hackathon.

Screw Emojis!!

Client asks how many days will it take to implement feature XYZ.

I say 3 days. But Skype had other plans.

Person: "Shall I put PHP inside HTML or HTML inside PHP?"
Person: *sudo apt-get install nodejs*

Me: fuck js, stay on the web dammit
Me: *installs node js*
Me: fuck js in general

Train conversation between 3 girls:

A: "Oh, I've got 4G.. "
B: "What, we have 4G!?"
C: "OMG I HATE 4G!"
A: "Yeah, it's almost as slow as E"
C: "I know, right?!"
.....
Kill me pls

Wife has started to do programming jokes, she is learning so fast

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?" 

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?" 

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?" 

- DoS Attack

Finally found a use for this

Hard core coding

We feel you bro...