That co-worker that erases all of your changes if there's a merge conflict.
Fuck you too buddy.

Not gonna lie, I would keep procrastinating...

🤔

I thought I've fucking seen it all.

Dear Apple,

We've sent you a new message regarding your app, Xcode. To view or reply to the message, go to the Resolution Centre.
----------------------------------
We noticed that your app did not fully meet the terms and conditions for reasonable fucking update size. Your latest app update requires over 40 GB of free fucking disk space. Please bear in mind that many of your own fucking laptops only have 120 GB of disk space. For optimum user experience, it would be best if the user didn't have to uninstall other apps from their system just to run your shitty update system.

Next Steps:

To resolve this problem, we recommend that you fix your shit. If you are unable to fix your shit, we recommend that you don't take 30% of all iOS developer's income so that you can make giant fucking glass donut buildings, and instead use that ridiculously disproportionate monopoly-abusing cut and invest that money in fixing your shit, to lighten the load of developers on whose backs you have become the most cash-rich company in human history.

Resources:

There are plenty of resources such as Stack Overflow to take advantage of, in order to learn how not to create a bloated piece of shit IDE.

Once you've completed all required changes, please upload a new binary to the App Store.

Every week is the same. Wake up, new jira ticket. “Build us a pink house”.

*i build a house*

Next day, “URGENT BUG REPORT!!! CRITICAL ISSUE IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT”, click on ticket, “bug report: the house doesn’t have sprinklers”

They didn’t ask for sprinklers. This is not a bug. *i add sprinklers*

Next day, “URGENT BUG REPORT!!! CRITICAL ISSUE IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT ASAP ASAP ASAP”, click on ticket, “bug report: the house is pink.”

HOW IS THAT A BUG TWO DAYS AGO IT WAS LITERALLY A REQUIREMENT

Meanwhile management makes triple my salary

Did you know that the S in IoT stands for security?

The more you know ;)

I personally like to hold my compiler at gunpoint

have an interview in 20 mins, this is the last round.. new job has 80% salary hike compared to current .. wish me luck guys!!!

Dude reverse engineered mcdonalds API to filter out which mcdonalds have ice machine broken https://twitter.com/rashiq/status/...

Result: https://mcbroken.com/

Ah yes, progress...
Why do SJWs have to infiltrate everything and project their own racist views of the world onto non-problematic terms?
Slavery has existed for as long as humanity and abolishing the terms will definitely not solve slavery and opression.
I am not against Git changing the default name but I am against them doing it in the name of "inclusivity". The technical world exists by merit and not inclusivity. Why make everything about color, race or slavery level?

I lost my sanity and googled ”FUCK YOU XCODE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT”...

That's how I found devRant.

How not to design a modem...

Cables hide perfectly - inside the wall...

Stop f*cking calling me minority or part of a underrepresented group. Yeah I noticed I am one of the only women on a conference. I DONT CARE, I AM A PROGRAMMER NOT A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE. Hire me for my work, not because you want you company to be more diverse.

When I accidentally double tap on someone's rant.

Made my day 😂😂

At the ending part of the interview, I asked a final question to the HR.

Me: "So, what language is mostly used here?"

HR: "Since we're dealing with customers from different countries, English."

Being honest in an interview:

- Can you work under pressure?
- I can, but I'd rather not.

Me - "Hey, would you like a coffee?"

Linux User - "Let me tell you about Linux."

*In Office
Coworker raises his head, looks at boss: "I'm leaving".

Boss raises head looks at coworker: "Ok".

All this took 5 seconds,..the weirdest 5 seconds of my life

My dad found a phone a few weeks ago and asked me what he should do with it. Knowing how much it hurts to lose personal data, I said I could try to find the owner and send it back.

My first attempt was to search through the files on the SD card in order to find an identifying document (CV, bill, address...) but there were only family pictures.

My second attempt was to unlock the phone and check the information about the owner and the accounts linked to it. But for this to be possible adb has to be enabled. Good thing is that that particular brand shows an option for activating adb on the recovery menu.

But then, it's Android Oreo and I haven't found a way to lift the lock pattern. I thought I could bruteforce it over the shell (as I found there could be about 1300 possibilities for 2 to 5 point patterns), but there is the same attempt throttling as on the screen so that would take ages.

Finally, I found the owner in the most "social" way : The phone was displaying the weather for a particular place. It turns out that there are only 3K inhabitants in that city, si I thought that a big enough Facebook group might help me find the owner. So I posted a message on a 500 people FB group dedicated to this city with a selfie of the owner : someone identified her within 20 minutes.

Mission accomplished 😎

Who will try it? :-D

When you go to paste a piece of code with CTRL+V and accidentally press CTRL+C instead so you have to go back and re-copy it.

schrodinger's backup

I JUST DELETED MY LIVE MYSQL SERVER

I DON'T KNOW IF WE HAVE BACKUPS

Next time I see a constructor with 22 parameters. I'm gonna report whoever wrote that to the police

After reading a lot of cryptography, I realized that it would be best if Alice and Bob just talk in person

Git.

The smallest utility made its way to being the largest companies must-have, the most critical part of the whole development landscape.

Using just plain C, Git can shred huge amounts of data insanely fast. It never gets old.

Git is a developer's scalpel.

Client : How much for the project?
Me : $10,000
Client : I will give you $72.

(•_•)
<) )╯i
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Just found the best dev ever.

https://alcohollick.com/tfw.html