Im so sorry, not slept for past 42 Hours

I've been regrowing cuttings from the boss' devils ivy

I had my first nightmare in years:

I was at work, and suddenly saw that my NS has changed for my personal domain. I also saw that the domain has transferred to another provider and a company had bought it and had it for sale for $7000.

I woke up, but it took 10 minutes before I realized it was just a dream.

What will you do when you find this on someones code ?

Some dude asked me if I like demons

> Yeah I do, I am sure it would be hard having a working system without any daemons

He probably think that I am a retard, atleast the feeling is mutual

FUCK!! It's been 3 days in the new office.
Can't find a single to rant about.
Why is everyone is so fucking nice??

Found this quote from a really awesome person on the internet.
Can't agree more on the last sentence.

Status code: 200
Content-Type: application/json
Body: {"error": true, "responseCode":400 }

Please forgive me father, for I have sinned. I turned on light theme on DevRant, for the dark one doesn’t work that well in the sun

A poor horndog developer started bothering me with useless appreciations like «Oh, a female developer, such a rarity...»
After some chatting he asked me: «How tall are you?»
My answer was: «2FuF8A, find the correct decoding by yourself».
It is "1,67" encoded in Base58 (because Base64 is too mainstream).
He never came back with the solution.

Seen at work in code:

<!-- DO NOT REMOVE CONTENTS PLACED HERE //TODO: Would have loved if some one also had said why we should not remove this -->

Lol

Production is down, a coworker got himself locked in his own apartment so he can’t leave and another is late, the phone won’t stop ringing

And I don’t have the credentials to access the production server

Just a monday morning, everything’s fine 🔥😊🔥

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I present you the API I'm working with...

That's a pretty fucking useful error description right there.

Last week:

Client: Hey sometimes when I sent about 20 messages to your app they need a long time to arrive. Why is your app so slow?

Me: We are using Google Cloud Messaging to deliver messages. There is no guarantee when messages arrive.

Client: So such a big company is the fault? And not you? Pls make it faster. Make it always act the same.

Working as a programmer is pain in the ass because the people with the money don't know a shit about anything.

I changed just a fucking useless string.. I deployed the "new version" and I told him I boosted everything.

Today he spoked with my buddy about another thing and he told him by the way the app is now much faster.

..placebo update

Backend Dev here and this is a true story

Client calls at 3AM, telling me an issue he reported which I told him was already solved in a new update hasn't been solved. He tells me that I'm lying because the issue is still there. The son of a bitch didn't even update the flicking app. Sincerely, fuck you.

Me: Great iOS app is only 20MB shouldn't take long to upload!

XCode laughed
AppLoader laughed
Apple laughed

I cried T_T

Sleeping is the best debug method

Just taking a moment to appreciate devRant

Thank you for being there and for creating this awesome community (and thanks to all the peoples of this community)
:)

Manager: I just think you are being too negative. Like sometimes other people have opinions too and we should hear them out before saying no.

Me: Well your opinion is the devs shouldn't be able to estimate their own tasks and you should decide on our behalf how long something should take.

You also want to decide what tech stack we use, because you followed a "Hello World" tutorial last night and it worked out for you.

Just because you got a simple webpage up and running in 2 hours doesn't mean all websites take 2 hours with the tech. Were not sitting in the corner laughing that you think its taking us 3 weeks to build this.

I'm not being negative simply because I don't agree with you. I'm not being unreasonable if I say I can do 6 weeks work in 2 weeks. And although it sounds offensive, i'm actually doing you a favour by telling you to get your head out of your ass

Client: we need you to give us access to the code ASAP. We don't like this black box approach.

Me: You have always had access to the code. It is here on this bitbucket repo and your usernames have admin access.

Client: We want the code moved to our GitHub before EOD.

I check out how to move repos over and it's fairly easy.

Me: just give me access to create a repo on your GitHub account and you can have the code moved over.

Client: Sorry it's late in the day and we stepped out to get drinks. (It was 2:30 pm). Not sure why you think there is a rush on this, we'll handle it first thing next week.

Me: WTF

Me: *programming*

Team: *furiously discussing something outside of my expertise*

Me: *programming*

Team: *finally acknowledging my existance* "Yeah, dude. We are going to delete te project and start over because we can't fix this issue [which we have never ever discussed with you]."

Me: "What, that's stupid."

Team: "Well, do you have any bright ideas to fix it?"

Me: "Gimme until tomorrow."

Me: *programming*

Team: *doing absolutly nothing*

Me: "I fixed it!"

Team: "Why didn't you do that a week ago?"

Me: "You didn't ask..."

And so goes te story of how i was almost killed by an angry mob.

Maybe, iOS developers get paid higher than Android developers because it's MORE STRESSFUL to use Xcode and deal with Apple Certificates.

This is a fucking mess!!!

Refactor?!?!?!?!

Fuck it...

File > New Project

Yeah, fuck it. It'd be easier to just start over.

RE: Why I punched Dave
In my defense to the accusation against me punching back end developer dave in the face, look at the following response:
HTTP 1.1
status: 200
mesaage: OK
body: {
"success": "false",
"message": "error"
}

This is my motivation.

Me and co-worker, working with firebase.

Co-worker: Hey man, I need the private key for the server.

Me: Why?

Co-worker: I need to put it in the client so that I can authenticate.

Me: No.

Co-worker: But this guide tells me ...

Me: No

Co-worker: ... that I need it to create tokens so I can log in.

Me: ... No.

Co-worker: But the guide..

Me: If the guide would ask you to kill yourself, would you?

Co-worker: No but..

*I walk over*

Me: This isn't even related to what we are doing. You can see it in the title.

Me: Did you read the title of this post?

Co-worker: No.

I know I have ranted here before about how I hate this client and the changes they are always making, but today the app was officially launched with a big media presence! I have never felt such kind of joy as a dev before!

If Facebook would have bought Github,there would be no more private repos 😶

Let’s get together and buy back github, I have $2.5 what do you have?