Accurate 😂

Already available online

Every Developer Story

Guess who just bought a 700$ drone.
Guess who just flew his brand new drone into a telephone cable
Guess who cant get parts until Tuesday at a minimum

ME!

After 10 years maintaining the same codebase, I sometimes find features in the system that I wrote years ago and I forgot they existed, like "Cool, I didn't know the system was able to do that, I completely forgot, I wonder how it works, and God knows how I wrote this shit, let's see..".
I've even found myself starting to implement features that already exist, and then having to revert the changes.

Not fun, exactly, but trying to convert a Wordpress site into GatsbyJS to speed up the godawful site of an organization I just joined.

"Hey, at least it fly" ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Social Distancing is now a good thing.

Suddenly, my greatest skill is in high demand.

This is the first time an IDE has apologized to me.
PS: Dev notes, crash reports etc are excluded. This is the IDE saying sorry I can't do it, no matter what.

You know what, I'm out of devRant until Coronavirus is over. I can't take one more repost of the TCP UDP handshake shit.

Looks like I’m getting fired 😶

He put just a zip in the new branch. I thought it was going to be the actual fucking project like I asked him to. Nope just a damn zip for me to extract and push to github correctly

Fucking hell

“Everyone is busy building stuff for right now, today, rarely for tomorrow. But it would be nice to also have stuff that lasts a little longer than that.... You don’t have to be a genius to write fast programs. There’s no magic trick. The only thing required is not building on top of a huge pile of crap that modern toolchain is.”

—Nikita Prokopov, “Software disenchantment”, retrieved from http://tonsky.me/blog/...

Simple flowchart XD

Italian chef: We have the best spaghetti in the world
PHP developer: I doubt that

It's finished.

After switching between Fedora, Ubuntu, Debian, Manjaro, Antergos and a dozen WM's I've settled for Arch on the desktop.

Took me over a week of trial and error, but it's worth the pain for the level of control you get.

Switching to Linux reminded me much of trying to find out if I liked text editors or IDE's more when I first started programming. I changed tools every day before I settled.

Screenshots of course. Now to actually get back to my JDBC projects before I start obsessing over how to get all my apps on the terminal. :D

Java devs: grab a drink! You'll need it after seeing this.
The "Shit students do, even after almost a year of Java lectures" saga continues...

Saw this picture today

"Hey guys, so whats the name of the repo?"
"Oh, we are using Google Docs"

We build a backup infrastructure at work to make sure that clients can restore their files and databases themselves when something gets fucked up.

We also have step by step tutorial on how to do this.

Every fucking day we get requests to restore backups.

Mostly used reason is "I'm a technical so I won't understand it".
With all due respect, if you don't understand this and keep asking without even trying, please don't host with us.
Because, if you did as I asked and actually read through the entire article, you would.
In case you're wondering, anytime one of us asks what part they don't understand, that question is simply ignored and they pushing for us restoring it anyways continues.

Sometimes they get angry and want to talk to someone higher up or start complaining that they're paying loads of money already and that it would just take us a second anyways.

If you would read the fucking tutorial/manual instead of trying to eat out your mother's badly shaved pussy and hopefully choke on it while you're at it, you wouldn't come asking us for it.
If you genuinely don't understand this article, feel free to ask but also provide us with cocksucking feedback.

Why do you think you have the right anyways to ask us to do it for free? We maintain the backup infrastructure which definitely isn't cheap but we do it so that you, pubic sniffing weazel, can do this shit on your fucking own.

You're entitled to ask us for help but not for asking us to restore your bullshit for free every freaking time.

Tip: give your parents some condoms. Because that way they hopefully won't reproduce again, we don't need more of you in this universe.

My Avengers Merchandise 😂😂

Always under-promise and over-deliver when you're dealing with non-techie clients. Always.

The future of IOT

In case of fire...

*Uploading App to Play Store*

What's new: Enhanced Bugs

Your branch isn't as good as you think it is

1. Humans perform best if they have ownership over a slice of responsibility. Find roles and positions within the company which give you energy. Being "just another intern/junior" is unacceptable, you must strive to be head of photography, chief of data security, master of updating packages, whatever makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning. Management has only one metric to perform on, only one right to exist: Coaching people to find their optimal role. Productivity and growth will inevitably emerge if you do what you love. — Boss at current company

2. Don't jump to the newest technology just because it's popular or shiny. Don't cling to old technology just because it's proven. — Team lead at the Arianespace contractor I worked for.

4. "Developing a product you wouldn't like to use as an end user, is unsustainable. You can try to convince yourself and others that cancer is great for weight loss, but you're still gonna die if you don't try to cure it. You can keep ignoring the disease here to fill your wallet for a while, but it's worse for your health than smoking a pack of cigs a day." — my team supervisor, heavy smoker, and possibly the only sane person at Microsoft.

5. Never trust documentation, never trust comments, never trust untested code, never trust tests, never trust commit messages, never trust bug reports, never trust numbered lists or graphs without clearly labeled axes. You never know what is missing from them, what was redacted away. — Coworker at current company.

CSS not working?

element {
float: left;
}

Average Joe:
1.searches how to save money for child college education.
2. Creates a bank account and starts to save , small amount of money from his income.
3. After 18 years, after all the hardwork finally pays the tuition fees to his child.

Dev:
1. Creates a website"Child Savings 101"
2. Monetize it
3. After 18 years, pays the tuition fees.

Friend : What happens after you get a girlfriend ?

Me :