Join devRant
Do all the things like
++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatar
Sign Up
Pipeless API
From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple API
Learn More
-
What it's like to be a network engineer...translated into normal people speak
User: I think we are having a major road issue.
Me: What? No, I just checked, the roads are fine. I was actually just on the roads.
User: No, I’m pretty sure the roads are down because I’m not getting pizzas.
Me: Everything else on the roads is fine. What do you mean you aren’t getting pizzas?
User: I used to get pizzas when I ordered them, now I’m not getting them. It has to be a road issue.
Me: As I said, the roads are fine. Where are you getting pizzas from?
User: I’m not really sure. Can you check all places that deliver pizzas?
Me: No I don’t even know all the places that deliver pizza. You need to narrow it down.
User: I think it is Subway.
Me: Okay, I’ll check…No, I just looked and Subway doesn't deliver pizzas.
User: I’m pretty sure it is Subway. Can you just allow all food from Subway and we can see if pizza shows up?
Me: Sigh, fine I’ve allowed all food from Subway, but I don’t think that is the issue.
User: Yeah I’m still not getting pizza. Can you check the roads?
Me: It’s not the roads, the roads are fine. I’m pretty sure Subway isn’t the place.
User: Okay, I found it. It’s Papa Johns.
Me: Okay, I looked and Papa Johns does deliver pizza. Is it the local Papa Johns or one in a different town?
User: I don’t know. Can you allow pizza from all Papa Johns to me?
Me: No I can’t do that. Can you get me an address for Papa Johns?
User: No, I only know it as Papa Johns. Can you get me all the addresses of all Papa Johns and I’ll tell you if one of them is correct?
Me: No, I don’t have time for that. Okay, I looked at the local one and it looks like they have sent you pizza in the past and they are currently allowed to send you pizzas. Try ordering a pizza while I watch.
User: Yeah still no pizza. I’m guessing they are getting blocked at the freeway. Can you check the freeway to make sure they can get through?
Me: No, this is a local delivery. They aren't even using the freeway.
User: Okay, well then it has to be a road issue.
Me: No, the roads are fine. Okay, I just drove from the Papa Johns to the address they have on file for you and there is nothing there.
User: Hmm, wait we did move recently.
Me: Did you give your new address to Papa Johns?
User: No, I just thought they would be able to look me up by name.
Me: No they need your new address. What’s your new address?
User: I’m not really sure. Can you look it up?
Me: Sigh, give me a second…Okay, I found your address and gave it to Papa Johns. Try ordering a pizza now.
User: HEY! PIZZA JUST SHOWED UP!
Me: Okay, good.
User: (To everyone else they know) I apologize for the delay in the pizza but there was a major road issue that was preventing the pizza from getting to me. The network engineer has fixed the roads and we are able to get pizza again.
Me: But it wasn’t the roads…whatever.
User: Oh, can you also check on an issue where Chinese food isn’t getting to me? I think it may be a road issue39 -
Guy: "We just can't finish this in 1 month!"
Boss: "Yeah you can, I'll hire more people."
Guy: "... You know, a woman can deliver a baby in 9 months but 9 women can't deliver a baby in 1 month."21 -
About 10 years ago my wife and I were buying a house. We found out late that we needed a lot more cash than we had previously thought we needed, and the deadline to deliver it was just a few days away. After returning home from my full-time gig at about 6pm, I took a break for a bit and then worked all night on a job for a client to make up the extra money. When 7am rolled around I had just finished up. Then I went back to work at my full-time job, and later met with the client to present my work. It was roughly 27 hours at a keyboard for me. That effort made it possible for us to successfully buy our first home. If you want something badly enough, make it happen!8
-
The moment an other team couldn't deliver for a deadline. CEO came to me, gave me 50 bucks told me to get a pizza and some hash and just work the night and deliver the damn app. So I did. Got a week holiday for free in return. One of the best guys I worked for.42
-
Whoa guys, I am the CEO and only developer of my company, I just agreed to create a little app for an ad campaign and deliver it tomorrow.
But then I'll meet HUGH FUCKING JACKMAN!!!!!!!!!!
Holy shit I am so excited13 -
So my USB DVD drive needs more power than a normal USB port can deliver.
Normal Person: I'll bring it back to the store and get a diffrent one.
Me:
9 -
Me: (putting headphones on)
Boss: You are an engineer. You need to focus. You cannot multitask. Nobody can. You need to concentrate on the work and deliver. If you ...blah.blah.blah.
Me: 😃 hmm yes you are right (dying on the inside)
Boss: if you are listening songs, your attention is towards that, you learn nothing of what you are working on.
Me: 😃 True Indeed.
Inner me 👿: Motherfucker. I use headphones so I don't have to listen to you giggling about with your mates in a bragging battle, in a language I do not understand, which is noise to me.
And technically, I do not listen to songs, I listen to music, while doing repeated tasks, so that I can overcome the boredom and do it quick in a rhythm.
But you wouldn't understand now, would you, YOU OLD FART, you fuckin Remnant of the Ancient times.10 -
Who Is Who
➡ A Project Manager is the one who thinks 9 women🙍 can deliver a baby in 1 month.👶
➡ An Onsite Coordinator is the one who thinks 1 woman can deliver 9 babies in 1 month.👶
➡ A Developer is the one who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver 1 baby.🙇
➡ A Marketing Manager is the one who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and women are available.👷
➡ A Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.👶
➡ A Tester is the one who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby. 🚶
Don't be shy.. Comment which 'who' are you..😂18 -
Client asks for redesign to look more like XYZ site.
I deliver a redesign to look more like XYZ site.
Client wants the site to look more like his old site. But different. Gives extensive instructions on how to design his website to his liking.
At some point, I think I'll be owing him money for his design/dev services, not the other way around.
What is it with these people?
5 -
We have new scrum master. First meeting together.
Project owner:
- I would give them time to wensday (2 days away) days to do migration
Manager:
- delivery is in Tuesday. can we have two teams to work on it so it will be done twice as fast?
Scrum Master:
- do you really think that if you get 9 women pregnant they would deliver you baby in a month?7 -
Just an observation. Researched this a bit and found out that usually people only thank dfox when posting swag thanks posts.
Just wanted to demand some justice for mr trogus who is the designer of said swag and give due appreciation!
Lets @trogus some to deliver the appreciation.48 -
When i said i'll deliver a feature by end of the day, they thought it after 5. But what i really mean is 11.59pm9
-
When your school project team fails to deliver 3 times in a row because of their incompetency and they're the sole reason for your failing grades
9 -
My boss is technically my coworker.
I screamed my lungs out after it became clear that he didn't give a shit about employees that bring him money. After snatching all funds from a finished project on time, failing to deliver on the promise about bonuses (it's what I used to motivate employees to deliver the project on time), refusing to buy a new chair to replace the one held together by scotch tape and careful balancing, I decided to quit with maximum damage.
I screamed so that everybody would hear it. That encouraged another guy to get in with quitting, and within 1 month most of the team had quit, leaving the boss with a risk of lawsuits for prepaid contacts not delivered.
Knowing that piece of shit, he probably recovered and is treating other people badly, but at least every single person from the team experienced the biggest jump in careers straight after that.1 -
I wonder how would devRant send the mail with my MAC address? The hard way by tracking down my system having having the MAC address and deliver it to me?? 😂😂
DevRant is being unaware that we all are devs here 😂
13 -
"It is not UNIX’s job to stop you from shooting your foot. If you so choose to do so, then it is UNIX’s job to deliver Mr. Bullet to Mr Foot in the most efficient way it knows." - Terry Lambert1
-
Just last month we finished a big project for a client. The company had their lawyers make a contract to transfer ownership for the website to them.
One of the requirements was to deliver all code in a word file. And just that. In the whole contract was not a word about transfering the production environment to their servers. Or supplying a working version. The files and database. No just the word file.
As of today still wondering what they where planning to do with a word file with hunderds of pages of code.
Offcourse we deliverd a working version to their servers. But why are there people making decisions about things they understand nothing at all.16 -
FUCK YOU! YOU PIECE OF SHIT CLIENT!
I work my ass off for a month and deliver you the best possible design for your problem and a great booking system and you open up a dispute on the order stating the work I received was poor?
GO FUCK YOURSELF :@ :@ :@
Everything is working beautifully, I uploaded it on a test website to even demonstrate it. The only problem is he is getting the error of mysqli class not found on his fucking potato server, that is not my fault! Even then, I am willing to install the php mysqli extension on his dick server so the fucking "script" works.
Some people just need a fucking reason to get away with good work done without having to pay...I will leave freelancing if the dispute ends up in his favour.
Fuck this shit. At least I get confirmed payment for what I work for 8 hours a day if I do a fucking job.8 -
Always deliver the goods.
Even if who you work for are idiots, and the product is useless. You never know who will see what you've done.
- I did a six-month underpaid project for ShittyCompany.
- Strived to write it nice and clean with unit tests and good(barely) documentation.
- Got a call up a year later from a consultancy company who integrated with the application I wrote. Now I work for them, and it's as close to my dream job as I could hope for.1 -
You know what I realized we should always say no for demo driven application development.
We should always ask for enough time do a proper development and if its not enough, shouldn’t write a single line.
Because once we deliver a working demo. Its release ready for them because its FUCKING WORKING..
And trying to explain why this is just a demo and cant be put to production is even bigger pain in the ass than saying no in the beginning.
LESSON LEARNED .4 -
CHILD: But how can Santa deliver toys to every little boy and girl on his list in one night?
MEH: (laughs) It's quite simple. The items on Santa's list are called blocks, and each block in his "blockchain" typically contains a hash pointer, a timestamp, and transaction data...6 -
"Debugging's actaully all about finding the bug, about understanding why the bug was there to begin with, about knowing that it's existence was no accident.It came to you to deliver a message."
-Elliot, Mr. Robot8 -
Start-up: hires 3 junior devs to save money.
Start-up: expects things to get done faster-- BUT-- Start-up keeps adding things to the TO-DO list and backlog-- i.e. it's all relative!!
Start-up: gets angry at 3 junior devs why they can't deliver when they keep adding tasks and ask we fall behind.
Dev team: "Seriously? You hire more devs to finish tasks faster, but you keep adding more than are being finiahed-- obviously it's gonna take longer now regardless"
Git --pull life together2 -
Manager: how is the progress, can we deliver it by next week?
SACH: i am having trouble with MYSQL server.
Manager: if yours is not working, take someone elses, i will talk to them
SACH: 😐2 -
So, more people = more effective?
Let's see how you can deliver a baby with 9 women with only 1 month
P. S:Good luck with that!!6 -
Having a boss who thinks he is an artist, designer, programmer, manager, salesman, pr manager, devops engineer and every project lead at the same time, never trusted anyone and reassigned tasks twice a day regardless of what you were working on right now. He was also unable to explain what he wanted or to set any meaningful goals. He also told customers we/he could do everything. One time, when we never made an app before, he accepted to deliver an iOS app within 1 week. ONE WEEK. THATS FIVE DAYS.6
-
You know the feeling when you deliver exactly what the requirement was and there were no more iterations and changes to those requirements after that??
No..?? Me neither..1 -
Most coders think debugging software is about fixing a mistake. But that’s bullshit. Debugging is actually all about finding the bug, about understanding why the bug was there to begin with. About knowing that its existence was no accident. It came to you, to deliver a message, like an unconscious bubble floating to the surface, popping with a revelation you’ve secretly known all along.
-Mr Robot
4 -
It happened 2 nights ago.
We had a whatsapp project for the distributed application programming class, my project mate and me were coding for 2 weeks whole day to finish it, especially with the end-to-end encryption feature that teacher asked, till 2 nights ago the project was trash, the private chat wasn't working and and nothing else is done we had only the UI, we was really doomed especially we had 1 more day to deliver the software, and we decided to deliver the project as a trash and get marks from the UI and the presentation.....
Till the night before deadline at 8 pm
I wanted to try fix some interface pictures and to make it better......
The next thing it was 6 am and the project is full working..
When I told my project mate he was not believing, I had to swear multiple times fot him and hat to go and show him the project by the eye.
We delivered the prohect and got 22/25 😁😁😁
It was incredible I didn't believe my self at first place.
Sory for the long story 😓.3 -
PM asked us to skip the unit test and just deliver untested application to SIT environment due too tight timeline. But when there are defects raised by tested, PM asked why got bugs and asked us to fix them immediately while we have to develop other new features at the same time.5
-
I had a co worker who was a bit of a robot with little to none tact or social skills (let's call him Bob Bot). Once, we had one of those company events where pointy haired boss had the cringe worthy idea of having everyone share an "unusual secret" about themselves as a team building exercise.
"So Bob Bot, what is your secret?"
Bob (in the same tone you would use to deliver the weather forecast): "So for those who don't know yet, I am polyamorous. This means that I have multiple sex partners at the same time."
(Dead silence in the room)
Bob: "Oh but wait...she gets to have multiple sex partners as well!"
And that kids, was a great example of gender equality! -
Our software uses a lot of video/audio hardware. But this hardware goes away when we deliver to the customer.
So everyone was asked to think of a way to be less depended on hardware.
I thought of a very clever idea and I told it to two senior software engineers who both saw much potential in it.
I've only worked here for close to 2 months. And I feel like this is a major contribution if they'll use my idea
Next week at the brainstorm session I'll have to present my idea (informal meeting)
I'll make an update when I know more3 -
If your only experience is Uni, don't put skills down as 'Advanced' on your damn CV
Lower expectations, deliver results -
Manager is at clients to deliver production and he is constantly sending us new requirements that should be implemented and pushed IMMEDIATELY!
Here are a few extra conditions:
1, It should work!
2, It should not compromise what is already there!
3, It should be well tested!
4, It should be immediate!!
Guess my count for number of incompetent managers I have come across just incremented!
Asshole.4 -
Product owner: "I want these 6 epics delivered in 12 months"
Me: "can't to that with 2 devs, need more"
PO: "how many?"
Me: "can't say, you haven't spec'd them"
PO: "how do you know 2 devs can't deliver them?"
Me: "educated fucking estimations you fucktrumpet - at least 2 of them look like 6 month projects for 2 devs, so you need to pay for more resource!"9 -
When your boss removed you from the team because he found a better developer that can deliver a task faster than you. Then after a week, he asked you for help and if you want to work for him again because the developer that he replaced to your position can't solve their problem.8
-
Overheard my boss speaking at the pantry.
He tells the sales to promote to potential buyers that our product will only take 2 days to setup but actually the dev team has been alloted 2 weeks.
How the in fuck could we deliver 2 weeks worth of effort in 2 days!? WTF boss. Fuck you, and your double chin. I am tired of your shit.2 -
Stand up... Walk away...
The Coding Gods will deliver the answer to you when you are ready to receive it.3 -
!rant but nightly thoughts about wrecking clients that won't pay
If you're building something for a client for money, think of a killswitch.
If it requires internet anyway and you have a webserver, do something similar to what the killswitch of WannaCrypt was (but rather checking for a file on the webserver for existing/non-existing). If the client won't pay, kill the application. If the client pays, maybe even deliver a version without killswitch later (as a "bugfix")
If it is some offline project, you can check for a date (payment due date?) and also check for date/time manipulation on the system itself, and disable the killswitch via a "bugfix" version later just like above.
If clients pay, they don't have trouble. Else, they do.8 -
Best co-worker? One of my team who was cut from the same cloth. I could ask him to do anything without giving a how-to. I could then carry on with my work knowing he would deliver on time and at least as good as I would have done. We've been mates ever since.1
-
- hire a new Dev.
- not burnout this year
- work less, deliver more
- start a open source side project and make it production ready7 -
You fucking son of a bitch!
First you make me do a project in two fucking months, and that's a fucking job-load for only one dev to deliver a SPA with payments and whatsoever.
Then you pushed me to accelerate deployment date and there I am, getting tired and using time I don't have.
But oh no, you prick, that wasn't enough, you had to do just one thing. YOU HAD TO DO ONE FUCKING THING!
What's that? Oh, sorry, I thought I overheard that you wanted to accept online payments but YOU'RE NOT FUCKING SIGNED UP, YOUR BUSSINESS IS NOT LEGAL UNTIL YOU REGISTER IT.
Motherfucker, I can't do anything, you better fucking register your bussiness if you want this to work the way it's supposed to do. -
Worst part of being a dev?
THERE'S A NEW FREAKIN FRAMEWORK EVERYDAY.
Where are we supposed to get time to learn everything the job applications require? And even worst, have 2 years of experience with the thing?
And how about when developing a responsive dynamic website? If you are crazy, like me, and you are the kind of dev that always wants to deliver something great, customized to the needs of your client, and that doesn't smell bootstrappy, you probably can't stand too when people ask you about time guesstimates. Especially when you are the ONLY DEV in your company.
Also, our gear is EXPENSIVE.
Sorry, I guess I'm stressed... Had to bring some work home, due to the bosses deciding to deliver a project one week early to the client, without consulting me first.
Still, luckily for me, all this bullshit can't take my love of coding away.
4 -
Client : We need this feature
Team lead : Sure, we will deliver this to you in 3 days.
Meanwhile Teamlead forgets to work on it or assign it to anyone in the team while he was surrounded by many other tasks.
Client on 2nd day morning : What's the progress on that feature?
Teamlead to Client: It's going fine, we will deliver it to you on time.
Meanwhile, Teamlead to a junior developer in the team (on 2nd day afternoon): We have this priority feature where we need to finish it in one day and deliver it tomorrow!
Junior Dev to Teamlead : This is too much of work to complete it in 1 day, it atleast needs 3 days!
Teamlead to Junior dev : I don't care, can't talk, busy, just complete the work and deal with the client, bye.
And the Junior dev continues to struggle where he is unknown of the fact that the task actually was of 3 days but just because the Teamlead forgot to do the task and also to assign the task early, he is in trouble!9 -
So you give the project to someone else, overlooking me. They fail to deliver and now you're going to reassign it to me to fix and deliver? #sloppyseconds2
-
Embarrassing moment:
Needed to deliver apk urgent urgently for push notification testing. I was unable to receive push token. Code is right in every way. Couldn't figured out in 15min. Lead comes to my seat and asks what's issue. And hey suddenly I figured it out. It was my wifi closed.. Bullshit 😬😠4 -
Fuck all managers who expects us to deliver a completely new feature before the holidays when in reality it would take thrice the time left until everyone is on vacation. Fuck them all with a cactus.8
-
Client asks for website and budget very low and wants a form with dB. Think WordPress site is a solution. Build site.
Deliver site.
Client's IT team unable to deploy on server. They blame me for bad "code".
I have to go to their office and help them deploy on local machine using WAMP.
2 days and 100s of calls later, website installed on test server. Works fine.
All is well1 -
I think I'm falling in love. With TDD.
I used to be very skeptic about it. You know, the usual reasons: it takes longer to deliver, constant "flow" interruptions, etc, etc. But ever since I've tried it I'm nothing but happy about my choice :)
I'm moving forward, I'm not making any regressions, I'm no longer afraid to make any changes in my code as I know tests will show what exactly I break,.. And most importanty, I have all use-cases with corner-cases defined and "explained" in the code... No more do I have to search in Confluence for how this exact scenario should behave. Everything is here. Everything's in the tests.
It's amazing!
Yeah, it DOES take longer to deliver so if you're hardcore Agile living by "Ship it as soon as it compiles" TDD might be too slow. But if you prefer knowing when your code is covering all the use cases w/o any errors -- TDD is the way.12 -
Boss quoted Yoda today, to my answer to if I would be able to deliver today a freaking huge project I've been working on, 14 days before the rescheduled deadline I was given, just because the client is pissed with them.
3 -
Getting tired of certain co-workers under-delivering. They commit an entire release to one feature and my team plans our release expecting we'll be able to use his changes by the end and then on the last day of development he decides more testing is needed and it won't be finished until next release. Come on, man!
-
Asking to deliver a project in a week which should have all the functionalities of Airbnb. Best part is to do that with 200$ budget 😡😡😡4
-
Birthday rant !dev
>Be me. Buy 20 doughnuts for everyone in company, two more than there are people working in the office, just to be safe.
>Be one of 5 other people that came to work today. Everyone else either are sick, are working remotely or went on a delegation.
>Watch as 14 doughnuts slowly decay in the kitchen.
Well... At least I've got my package from devRant. Thanks for quick shipping! I only got it today because there was tracking. Fucking post in Poland is shit, they "tried to deliver it yesterday but there weren't anyone at home" even though I was and I haven't even got notice in the mailbox.
4 -
Boss reasoning: 9 woman can deliver a baby in one month.
My response: 9 man cum in your mother pussy and she delivered you in one month too.
welp, I said that just in my mind of course 🤐5 -
Today I started work on a new project that contains a lot of legacy. I asked the developers about unit testing javascript and was told that not only is there none in place, but it's not worth adding any in.
At first, I grimaced and thought fair enough. This is their codebase, it's their choice. I've now been thinking about this for a few hours and have instead decided that screw those guys, I'm adding in a testing framework, a module pattern that's compatible with the existing code, and unit testing the crap out of it. If they don't want it they can refactoring it out, but I can't bring myself to intentionally deliver code I know is crap.
I WILL FORCE CODE QUALITY ON THEM.7 -
Client wants to deliver August 1st. Bust our butts to make the deadline. Changes the entire layout on July 29th and still expected 8/1 release. Blames us for missing the deadline.4
-
I'm studying Software Engineering. Fuck me, right?
Next week I have 3 exams, and I have to deliver the implementation of a Red&Black Tree and a AVL Tree (+ GUI in Swing) by Wednesday. Oh, and also, 5 small systems in C.
I don't know how the FUCK will I survive, but I will.21 -
Was told I need to code so it will be ie8 compatible. I guess there going to want me to get out my feather and ink and saddle up the horse to deliver info as well.3
-
Aren't the spirits of the two mottos the same?
"72-10 don't mean a thing without the ring!"
&
"It's null till you ship it."
1 -
IT Definitions of Designations
Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.
Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.
HR Manager is a person who thinks that...a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months -
Got this in my mail, so I placed a bid to deliver for $10 in 24 hours. Wish I could insert a smaller amount.
2 -
"As a leader, you should lead by example and work every day, every hour, give 150% for the dream of the company! We are detecting that people aren't giving everything to us, so you should be harder on everyone else to ensure we can deliver!
Also, your 1:1 meetings with the team should be on the Sundays to avoid spending company time on feedbacks. There is no time to feedback if you need to deliver things!"
Fuck right off with that. Will beatings continue until morale improves? Maybe seniority will arise from the gashes of the lashes on the interns.12 -
We are the 31, it is 00:54, I have a full specification to deliver on the 1rst at 00:00, and there is only half of it done.
Wish me luck for my doc New Year Eve2 -
We are soo sorry we missed you last Saturday night a bit before eleven.
We will try again to deliver your parcel, another day (or night).
Maybe. Maybe not.
3 -
For the past two years, I worked my balls off to deliver a project that eventually went live months ago.
But boss announced that no bonus is going to be paid because project got delayed.
Its not even my fault that project got delayed because customer cannot confirm requirements and keep changing.
All of my assigned tasks were also met on time, if not earlier.7 -
Got a client who Always delays payment (~2weeks) and is rude and ignores me after I deliver. As a freelancer and Student I rely on the money and on my time. So I will deliver tomorrow the next project, guy promised he will pay on monday, but I count with weeks again. I have developed a locking mechanism so I can lock the whole Software from my Cloud in case he wont pay on time. What do you guys think?19
-
FUCK YOU BUSINESS GUY
FUCK YOUR SCOPE CREEP
SOLO DEV AINT GIVING U 20 FEATURES IN ONE MOTHERFUCKING WEEK
Seriously, though. Being a solo full-stackq developer who can do both frontend (react, redux) and backend (feathers, node) does NOT mean you have twice the manpower to accomplish all of your shitty shit. Just because you have an idea does NOT mean I have to implement all of it. You don't even have a motherfucking specifications for me, yet you expect me to deliver shitloads of complete fucking feature in a fucking week. This is not a fucking joke. I am NOT your mother fucking tool. I need time to build my stack, design and perfect the interface. I don't want a shitty motherfucking product on my fucking portfolio.
*dies inside*
11 -
My manager from Germany says, "We have a saying in Germany. If you buy cheap, you buy twice. We must adapt it as, If you deliver fast, you must deliver twice". Scenario, faulty code delivery without checking the need of adoption work items.4
-
I'm fucking done with all these online systems that prioritize fancy shit over functionality. I ordered two fleet enemas, a pack of lubes, and some medication online because "somehow" I guess people are experimenting with those due to the pandemic and they are always out of stock. Weird boredom but okay.
So this site gave me two options - deliver it straight to my door or deliver it to the nearby pharmacy. I thought, "Wow, how convenient." Home deliveries aren't allowed anyway, might as well pick it up from the store that's always open instead of getting my door dick-banged by the security guard in an inconvenient time.
I chose the "deliver to the nearby pharmacy" option and they gave me a map where I would enter my zip code and it will search for it. I entered my zip code, didn't work. Entered my street address, didn't work. I zoomed into the fucking map and manually tried to point to the pharmacy's location. It's right there! I clicked it.
"ERROR. Please select the store."
Clicked it again.
"ERROR. Please select the store."
Again and again and again. I gave up and chose home delivery. Who the fuck developed this shit? Why would you put an option that doesn't work? The time you spent making it fancy should have been spent actually making it work. Give me a list of branches, I'll be happy to go through it and select the store. Hell, I'll give you the coordinates of the store. Not the most efficient way but at least it works.
How much time of our lives have been wasted to the promise of "convenience" only to get disappointed in the dumbest way possible? It's a small thing but damn, it's so small, it shouldn't even exist. That's what she said.20 -
On negotiation and signing contract
================================
manager: yes you will work 8 hours a day from Tatta hours to Tat tat ta hours.
dev: okay great, i accept it. So no overtime and everythings right?
manager: that we will consider.
dev: hmm okay
=========================
Start working for about 1 month
=========================
manager: John, you not showing up at the office today? What happened?
dev: Sir, I have to stay up all night finished the last task as required and just sleep around 6am in the morning.
manager: John, i need to tell you. your performance is very great. Our clients are happy.
You deliver all the task. We love you, John.
dev: Yes thank you so much. I am happy too, but i need to sleep now i been over time for the last 3 weeks.
Manager: don't worry john, you will get reward later.
===================================
Weeks later:
dev: i need to request for leave, i am over work and now i am sick, my eye got red and cannot look at the screen.
manager: what is happening this month, you been late to work and you not deliver the task, you are sick and this and that, and depressed and whatever... tata taata,
dev: sir, when i first started you said i could only have to work 8 hours a day, now I work more than 12 hours day. What's change?
================================
life as devs in tough companies, high expectation and shit.
2 -
Just got an email with a new really nice douche-bag move from Postman to raise their prices again (this time for almost double) on their paid plans with excuse "it will help us deliver more of what our customers need from us."
Even though I've decided to look other way around for years on their electron-based garbage of bloated app, have not been a fan of their pricing 8$/month/user just for a simple feature such as sharing request schema and environment data.
This simply needs to stop and I'm seriously thinking about doing something about it. 🙄10 -
"Getting me up to speed" apparently consists in a 20 minute-long demo on a project I've never heard of with a technology I don't know.
Then I'm supposed to deliver the v2 of that piece of work in a timely manner 😰6 -
Luv this fake email I received yesterday, didn't know Microsoft used DPD to deliver their emails lol!!!
6 -
Oxford Dicktionary: A Project Manager is simply a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
-
Client: we want X.
Dev: Quote for X.
Client: We only want to pay x.
Dev: Requote for x.
Client: approved x.
Dev: Deliver x.
Client: where is X we asked for X.
... perspective of project scope matters.1 -
I had to buy a mobile printer for my company for an "emergency" for a demo. I sent my boss 3 prices and he just said "go get it, we'll pay you back." After I deliver the features my boss says "Just take it back and demand a refund" this made me feel like such a douche with the supplier, plus I had to pay a 15% handling fee.6
-
met a client yesterday to discuss about the coming task. After discussion, we agreed that I will develop the API for the system in one month. I did the planning and posted the upcoming tasks in Trello. Today, he told me some of the tasks have been done by his staff and asked me if I can continue the remaining tasks and get it done in one week. Hey, bro, what you want!? it is not what we agreed! do you think i can understand the code that your staff wrote, with poor documentation and structure, in few hours and immediately start working on it, yet deliver everything with high quality? come on...5
-
My only nemesis are sales people.
* They try to sell the impossible to the customer.
* They think even the biggest change takes only some minutes to implement, and tests do not even exist.
* They promise to deliver an app within half the time which means we have to cut out animations or some tests to deliver when due.
* They often get a commission (sometimes not as part of profit but revenue!) for calling their pals and asking them if they wanna buy something new (some say they also take the risk, but they don't, the company does).
There may be exceptions, but my perceived ratio between good and bad sales is about 1/20.
Now I am in a very small company with only one sales guy. Guess what, he is a good one! I hope he stays forever.6 -
Best xp : dev on new tech
Worst xp : being pressured to deliver something out of that new tech over a very short period1 -
!rant
Hey guys!!! just signed up... but have been coming here everyday for the last few weeks.. it feels awsome to be here guys... :D
Gotta deliver part of a project tomorrow, soo... back to coding10 -
!rant
Upper management finally caved in to the endless change requests from business and explicitly made the following statement:
"We won't overpromise and under-deliver. With that, we are reducing the committed scope of development work per sprint, but will continue to deliver the same final deliverables by the delivery dates"
So all our compressed project timetables just got uncompressed, and we finally have the breathing room we've been begging for since 2017. Any change requests from business will be (finally) backlogged.
On the other hand, the number of projects have increased to fill out the new extra dev time, but at least we're now less stressed at work. Priorities!1 -
PM: "Please try to prioritize this request that we made last Friday at 5pm over all your other high priority stuff we know you're busy and we should have requested this 3 months ago... but now we need to deliver next week and well we need it"
5 minutes later "When can you deliver that?"
Another 5 minutes later "Sorry can you give me that delivery date? We REALLY need it"
Well maybe if you leave me in peace and I can concentrate on my job rather than answering silly requests I can make up an idea of how much time I need to deliver... but of course I'm just a code monkey, I press some randome keys and the magic happens. -
I guess I've just got the ideal dev job. Working from home, with nice people in my team and enough time to deliver quality work.8
-
Tomorrow is friday and I have to deliver five big releases for two projects, because they were scheduled this week. And afterwards I'm gone for vacation.
And I don't care the slightest little bit.2 -
I've been working on a proof of concept for my thesis for a few days and the async query calls drove me nuts for quite a while. I finally managed to deliver all query results asynchronously while still very much relying on a strong architectural design pattern. I am filled with caffeine, joy and a sense of pride and accomplishment.
1 -
Let's call my college colleague Andrew.
Andrew knows that we have a really tight deadline to complete 2 different assignments to deliver in the same weekend for evaluation.
Andrew says that we really knows about coding, although we doesn't understand the most basic principles about OOP (like encapsulation, for example).
Whenever I asked for help, Andrew said that is "going to do some research" and that what I'm asking is "really hard". He then asked every single other group if then could provide him, with some code so he could "understand" what I asked him to do.
Once they said "no" he would come and tell me he really tried but hadn't be able to do it, 2 days after needed it, delaying the whole project.
Don't be like Andrew.4 -
Went to IIT Bombay techfest. This is my favourite product. It's built to deliver you beer while you are enjoying in pool.
2 -
End user when criticizing a developer for 'taking long' to create something of value from scratch:
(4 hours later): "What's taking you so damn long? Are you retarded?"
Oh I don't know, maybe I have to make sure that tests in my code run well, maybe I have to evaluate everything to meet the custom satisfactions of the user for his ever-so-custom requirements and I also have to make sure I discard what they don't like? And maybe it takes time to deliver a quality product, and so on?
Or would you prefer I deliver an untested product that I didn't bother to think about and I haven't bothered to make sure it matches with their requirements?
What end users don't understand is the involvement in a quality product.2 -
CW:"We need this."
ME:"It'll take me some time to do. When do we need it by."
CW:"Yesterday."
ME:"Awesome, that's my favorite day to deliver."2 -
My new favourite quote...
"I can't be the only one worried about the deadline"
By boss speakign ot my team who is expected to deliver 6-8 months worth of work in 5 weeks time...
Too bad he does not know he IS the only one worried, when you going to miss a deadline by that much when you never agreed to it in the first place, have not seen a single API and the scope is still actively changing and lets not forget we have no DevOps yet...
why the fuck would you worry...1 -
Ebay being unhelpful..
Oh look, that looks nice it says:
"It's almost sold out, so buy it now before you miss it. "
But it also says:
"This item is out of stock."
And it also says:
"Postage: Doesn't post to XXXXX"
So, its not in stock, and wouldn't sell it to me anyhow, but Ebay thinks I should know about it all the same..
Kinda like when you get a catalogue in the post from a company whose items you can't afford, and don't deliver to your location ! -
RANT.RANT.RANT.
So I have a fucking groupmate for our degree project and he's been constantly bugging on my neck asking me to do things. The problem with him is that he constantly reminds me of the things that I should be doing and he seems like he wants the thing to be done all himself. Basically, he doesn't trust me that I could deliver whatever he asks me to do. He keeps on micromanaging me from time to time and he seems like he wants to control my life altogether! Fuck this.
Oh and another, whenever he asks for opinion, whatever you say doesn't even fucking matter. He dismisses it immediately anyway and goes with whatever he thinks.
Seriously, fuck this!!! I can't keep calm and I need to constantly check on my posture! (Forgot the right term...) Uhhhh halp5 -
who pops open a 500ml can of energy drink at 01:00 am because we have 3 websites to deliver on Thursday? We do 😎
-
Worked on a team where every single sprint planning was a useless meeting because we were expected to deliver everything in the backlog every sprint. So what are we really planning?5
-
Client: Hey guys! Let us start a bunch of projects that are all dependent on each other and expect them to deliver those on time.
Me: WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. -
Another unrealistic deadline from our non-software developer PM.
He agreed to client upon delivery of a complete system consisting of 4 micro-services in Node and 4 front-end Angular application integrated with each micro-service accordingly.
Project Delivery date is December 31. I have told him It is impossible to deliver complete solution on December 31.
Now he wants me & my team to come to office even on weekends.
What an idiot !5 -
The best part of being a dev is that no matter how long you take to solve a problem, you know that even after a whole night of solving issues it will be worth the effort because you will deliver a functional product and there is no best feeling.2
-
A sweaty, furry testicle sack swallowing, fucking retarded, turdsniffing dipshit, bitchmade & cracksmoking troglodyte became a dev 4 da moneys $$$
A few years later, you're explaining to your mom that the government's app runs like absolute shit because it is held together with paper tape and clown jizz, but she can't just do this thing in person anymore because we've virtualized everything like a pack of corpse fucking mongrels.
True story and I extend a HEARTFELT thank you to the fucking braindead homoerectus that's responsible for this shitshow, I will find you, and I will PERSONALLY deliver the WARMEST regards. Your ASS will NEVER fully recover.1 -
Mary Christmas to all of you and remember not to connect to production when you’re drunk.
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink,
Thy will be drunk,
(I will be drunk),
At home as I am in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us,
and lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers,
For thine is the beer,
The bitter and the lager,
Forever and ever,
Barmen -
*client comes to us "please take care of our app, it's ugly and the previous devs made it all buggy, especially the Android version"
*we write code, analyze bugs, fix them, QA them
*we deliver a preview
*client only looks at the iOS app, doesn't give a flying fuck to the Android app1 -
!dev :(
I am cleaning, disinfecting, bagging and sealing produce and deliver it in survival packs so people don't need to get out of their houses.
The country is in total lockdown, people are strongly encouraged to stay at home.
Bars, social activities and whatnot are closed.
Only excuse to be outside is to be buying groceries or going to the hospital.
Supermarkets only allow 1 person per household, so.6 -
Last week: Resigned from my current job as a front end dev, mostly due to incompetence in upper middle management.
Yesterday: knowledge transfer to backend dev who aspires to become full stack.
"
- So how does the designer deliver the CSS to the code ?
- He doesn't, he just sends the prototype, we make it work...
- The manager told me that the front end team did not touch CSS.
*fuzzy find ". styles"*
- So these are the 40 some files that appeared here magically.'
"
Today:
New git flow policy's in place. Pull requests are now outside the flow and are entirely optional.
This is gonna be the tits... -
So after months of self study my company finally appoints me as a junior developer with a major client as the intermediate dev on the project resigned. My tech lead assures me that junior devs only fix bugs and do other minor changes. One week in and in our first sprint planning session the client decides to priorities a Major update to the app. Now I have 2 weeks to deliver what will either make or break my immediate career. And I have no idea how to implement any of the changes. Stack overflow you're my only hope (and many hrs of YouTube tutorials)3
-
I need some advice here... This will be a long one, please bear with me.
First, some background:
I'm a senior level developer working in a company that primarily doesn't produce software like most fast paced companies. Lots of legacy code, old processes, etc. It's very slow and bureaucratic to say the least, and much of the management and lead engineering talent subscribes to the very old school way of managing projects (commit up front, fixed budget, deliver or else...), but they let us use agile to run our team, so long as we meet our commitments (!!). We are also largely populated by people who aren't really software engineers but who do software work, so being one myself I'm actually a fish out of water... Our lead engineer is one of these people who doesn't understand software engineering and is very types when it comes to managing a project.
That being said, we have this project we've been working for a while and we've been churning on it for the better part of two years - with multiple changes in mediocre contribution to development along the way (mainly due to development talent being hard to secure from other projects). The application hasn't really been given the chance to have its core architecture developed to be really robust and elegant, in favor of "just making things work" in order to satisfy fake deliverables to give the customer.
This has led us to have to settle for a rickety architecture and sloppy technical debt that we can't take the time to properly fix because it doesn't (in the mind of the lead engineer - who isn't a software engineer mind you) deliver visible value. He's constantly changing his mind on what he wants to see working and functional, he zones out during sprint planning, tries to work stories not on the sprint backlog on the side, and doesn't let our product owner do her job. He's holding us to commitments we made in January and he's not listening when the team says we don't think we can deliver on what's left by the end of the year. He thinks it's reasonable to expect us to deliver and he's brushing us off.
We have a functional product now, but it's not very useful yet and still has some usability issues. It's still missing features, which we're being put under pressure to get implemented (even half-assed) by the end of the year.
TL;DR
Should I stand up for what I know is the right way to write software and push for something more stable sometime next year or settle for a "patch job" that we *might* deliver that will most definitely be buggy and be harder to maintain going forward? I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle in trying to write good quality code in lieu of faster results and I just can't get behind settling for crap just because.9 -
Yet another day at work:
My job is to write test libraries for web services and test others code. Yes I know to code, and have a niche in software testing.
Sometimes developers (whose code I find bugs in) get so defensive and scream in emails and meetings if I point out an issue in their code.
Today, when I pointed a bug in his repo, a developer questioned me in an email asking if I even understood his code, and as a tester I shouldn’t look at his code and only blackbox test it.
I wish I can educate the defensive developer that sometimes, it’s okay to make mistakes and be corrected. That’s how we deliver services that doesn’t suck in production.10 -
Colleague: We need to deliver it today so let's hardcode some values in the code to make it work
Me: Ok you do it. I don't even want to see it!
3 -
I am a bad developer. I know nothing. I had a very simple requirement just to change the strings.
I couldn't collect all the requirements. I connected with PM offline, slow replies and miscommunications. Ahh!! How will I be shipping bigger projects? I have 3 years of development, in my last company we worked totally different though.
So, at the time when I thought I will be raising a PR I am stuck on the requirements.
I am a dumb shit. I can't do anything right. A simple requirement I am not able to deliver. I am so embarassed. :(14 -
Here's some of my favorite quotes from "The Mythical Man-Month":
"The bearing of a child takes nine months no matter how many women are assigned".
"The management question ... is not whether to build a pilot system and throw it away. You will do that. The only question is whether to plan in advance to build a throwaway, or to promise to deliver the throwaway to customers."
"I once knew a boss who invariably picked up the phone to give orders before the end of the first paragraph in a status report. That response is guaranteed to squelch full disclosure." -
-Management puts unrealistic deadline as usual-
_Tries his best but fails to deliver on time_
*Puts a clearly visible bug in code*
~Tester finds it and creates a issue~
*Solves the issue, wraps up the remaining things and closes the issue*
**Wakes up from dream, cuz he is the tester as well** -
I finally got my new Smartphone after going there personally to the courier
Seriously the couriers were lazy piece of shits and they can't even deliver to my address when it's perfectly valid.
Like couriers from my local PO and from Lazada/Taobao can even get to my house, what the fuck2 -
I would say my biggest insecurity is not getting (enough) useful straightforward feedback from my boss about how I work.
I have a tendency to take a bit longer than others, but deliver code that rarely has to be fixed.
Some of it may appear overengineered but it really isn't... I just like it clean and not hacky.
There are times my boss seems like telling me subconciously that I take too long for my stuff, but then again, he is really happy when we deliver a big thing to a customer and it just works, without any bugs or negative feedback.
It sometimes drives me nuts. 😅2 -
Was in a meeting with the execs and the boss singles me out and asks me where is this functionality at. I told him the dev working on it will have it ready today. He goes no no no this needs to happen now. I am speechless have no idea how to tell him this employees are working very hard and is doing the very best with the limited time we had. I personally was up at midnight coding to deliver on time. That was the start of my bad day ... crap just pilled on :/1
-
Not so much in my work but more my career.
My dad has been a great role model, still is and always will be.
He was an hard working metalworker. He loved his job. It's not a 50k job but he could easily manage his life.
My dad showed me that doing what you love, working with passion, makes your life easier and more fun. You deliver high quality products, because you care.
Since I found out that I love programming, I made it my life goal to do it as my career.
I've never been happier before. After all, I make money with my hobby.1 -
No matter how much I try my boss keeps trying to shove future or unsolicited features on every fucking current sprint as if we weren't delayed already...
Wtf dude? We get paid by delivery, let's just fucking deliver what they expect by each deadline and move on...5 -
Novice seeking advice, how do you indie/solo dev guys manage your time and productivity to stay clear on what to prioritize and deliver faster ?9
-
Best: finishing 20+ tasks in one day... felt like I had no tasks on my list
Worst: I had to deliver twice the size the next day3 -
Leave the house for 30 fucking minutes and the courier attempts to deliver my new notebook just then---after four days in transit. And, of course, they don't deliver at the weekend.
I swear the guy was camped outside my house waiting to fuck me over.1 -
i had to deliver roughly 250 gb of data. after two days he received it. on a hard drive. by parcel service.
sending it online it would have been done by the next but two weeks. what a brave new world. (still better that uruguay)4 -
Just joined a company 1 week ago and I was tasked to build a cryptocurrency bot in trading view using pinescript. The problem here is that I have zero knowledge in trading, charts , indicators etc and Pinescript is such a miserable language and I am so bored of this.
On top of that, nothing here makes sense. Tried learning trading on my own and it is simply boring and I don't understand many things here such as RSI, ATR etc . Sometimes I feel like quitting this job because I feel that I cannot deliver and at the same time I am afraid that I am quitting too soon before even giving a try.22 -
Client just said to me "we'll give you a 'speed' payment to deliver the website faster, you just charge us what you think is right". WTF!
Blank cheque time... :)2 -
I spent 4 days working on a new feature of our program. A real pain in the ass! Even did a few hours of overtime.
This morning I go to my boss to tell him about a performance problem I was trying really hard to solve, but couldn't still totally remove...
His answer: "Don't bother with that! Our client is not going to use it. They simply forgot to remove it from their request. So we are going to deliver it so they will have to pay us!"
FFFFFUUUUUUCCCCKKKK!2 -
So I am working on a cloud app, Angular on the frontend and NestJS with heavy AWS dependency at the backend. I took my time to learn the stack and I have a couple of years of experience with each piece involved.
Since I am a Level 1 developer, management thought (and I felt same way) it would be nice for me to work with a couple of Level 3 devs.
Well, they hired Level 3 devs:
- a senior Java developer who never touched AWS, any kind of frontend or Typescript
- a senior c++ dev with the same “never touched” as above
And guess what? I have to train them both in Angular, Typescript etc. Kinda defeats the whole purpose of L3, “they will help you to deliver stuff fast”, and adds load on me (I am already a shared resource on 3 teams).
Oh, and yeah, management already promised to release the app by the end of the year and so far I am the only capable and functional developer on the team who has to deliver everything.
I had so much hope for new hiring cycle lol10 -
Happy birthday to my self. Away from my family and friends, alone in the city alone in the office pushing keys on keyboard to deliver the project.
It's been very difficult year for me, both physically and mentally.
I hope next year will be better than this.
Fuck you 2019.
PS: birthday and end year selfish.
12 -
Most incompetent worker?
I had this coworker who doesn’t do jack shit in the morning shift (10am - 12nn).
Taking long breaks, like staying at cafeteria and chatting. Always on company IM talking about gossips. Reading manga online and shit.
I wouldn’t be complaining about that if this coworker can deliver. But no! Only has to do 1 module, it took almost a month for this person to finish. Always doing overtime without an ounce of progress. Siphoning the budget of the project. Everyone on our team were doing overtime trying to deliver function after function, modules after modules. Every other parts were finished except this person’s task. Took over it, done for a week. Told my project leader, transfer this person or you’ll see other core members leaving.
Person got transferred. Everyone felt like they had a massive load off their shoulder.2 -
When I was in my first year in university, at the Introduction to Programming class, we had to do a Java project and my partner was someone who was always bragging about how much he knew about programming. Me being someone who was learning programming by the moment I started the course I thought he was going to help and teach me cool stuff.
The first phase was due to deliver in one week and literally my code was all original and my partners code was all copies of others work. Out project could'vw been graded 0 because of his code (because they used a programm that compared variables of each project to see if.they fins copies). He practically didn't gave the effort to try to code, just copies. I spent the whole week correcting his work so that I wasnt penalized in the end...1 -
When there are employers that assign you a "test" (low payment) to prove your skills and after you successfully deliver it, he wants to "test" you on another assignment...
-
Giving up expectations of people.
People don't know what the fuck they want, so what made me think they could actually deliver anything? Idk, but it doesn't matter now, my life has been easier since I stopped caring.1 -
Good morning, can you imagine why my mailserver can't deliver mails to some email-addresses? For example I can't sent mails to Hotmail, Freenet, Yahoo, Outlook and see more...17
-
Objective-C is an awful programming language that nobody should ever use for anything.
Also you dont know how important unit tests are until you have to deliver an enterprise level application without them.
Biggest one Ive learned recently, managers will promise you the earth to keep you around as long as possible, and they will go back on every promise and call it a "change in priority" -
I hate giving estimates, especially for projects when you hardly know the codebase. But yet everybody expects you to deliver everything and everything on time.
Just get off my back maybe then I can actually finish something.
Thank you for listening. <33 -
I've always heard about the "if one woman can deliver a baby in 9 months, 9 can do it in a month" situation people got in. But my bos just quoted that to me since we are stuck on deadlines.2
-
As long as I deliver, can I use jquery? Need not complicated things with framework, you're not building another Facebook that will serve millions, ur server is not going to break and browsers are just powerful enough to handle my jquery!1
-
I made 60 lines of modern, clean, multi threaded, optimized python3 code to deliver data from GIT to IBM ClearCase, on old Windows VM, hundreds of files (CC is file-based version control, every file has it's own change)
This calls for sauna today to definitely get rid of this dirt :)
And they said devops is all around docker nowadays :)2 -
A client asks me to produce a Release note when publishing a new version, which is more than fair ask, I shall deliver.
Then he asks me questions on the version's feature which are clearly described in the release note, with examples, showing he did not bother to read it..............
...
2 -
My companies policy , you do your work better and you will do the work of everything other fucker who is not able to deliver in time .
😠😠2 -
I'm starting to get bored at work. Every fucking day is the same. I receive a design. I code that design ( aka I'm modifying the framework developed by me ). I deliver the frontend. I think that anyone with no programming experience can do my work now.
-
My manager during my internship in 2007 was very prone to screaming.
She took the position, because more senior staff than her didn't want it and she wanted to be in charge of them.
When people didn't deliver the results she wanted she would call them in the office, start yelling them and saying they were incompetent and demean them. And even though we were a small open office, she would send us messages through MSN Messenger (it was the it thing back then), to check on our progress or ask us to go to her office which was the room next to us.
I met many wonderful people during my internship, but I was more than glad when it finished. A couple of years later I've learnt that the branch she was managing was terminated because everyone slowly started quitting. I can't imagine why... -
"we're gonna start doing WordPress for a lot more customers, to deliver faster. Not debatable. "
Fuck that shit, I'm off to another employer.3 -
Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
Programmer is a Person who thinks who thinks nine bug can deliver more bug in One month6 -
Crawling out of my shell and taking control of my own work. Colleagues were surprised because I'm a very quiet person.
Sales can promise all they want, I decide when we're done. Taking the time to train my peers and learning from them. Communicating with everyone in a way to get things done. Get involved with other departments to see if processes can be optimized. Manage the customer's expectations (under-promise, over-deliver) Taking over this damn company to be more efficient! -
So us Aussies are about to literally be forced into using NBN soon (for people who aren't Aussies, NBN would be worse than using a log of shit as your ethernet cable) and having all ADSL connections cut off... Fan fucking tastic!
They can barely keep the NBN up and running for one day and can barely deliver promised speeds but nooooooooooooooooooooo, everyone must fucking use it...3 -
Let's say you have a business that is 100% gonna get canceled from lots of internet infrastructure services because reasons. Let's say you decided "Screw it. I'm gonna build all my own infrastructure and services from the ground up and deliver all my digital content to millions, including broadband video, apps, gaming, devices, etc."
A) Is that even remotely possible?
B) If money were no object and time were not of the essence, how would you do it?
C) How could that even scale at all if thousands of other businesses did the exact same thing?13 -
my first job is in a brand-new team, all team mate other than the manager are new grads from colleges. we r so engaged and dedicated our efforts to deliver something. and one day one of our team mate decided to resign due to family issues, we try our best throw him a farewell party, it is so emotional. now I have worked in a couple of teams, the spirit could not found after then.1
-
Last Thursday, project owner insisted that the module I was working on to be ready for testing this Monday(though the supposed deadline is next week).
Went to work on a day off to deliver it as requested. Monday came. Monday went. No testing started. Project owner was on leave.
Now he's asking if we can start with the testing.
Hope I have laser beam eyes so I can toast him. -_-2 -
I promised to deliver a project in 10 days.....it's due end of day on Monday, I have worked through me entire weekend from morning to evening...i was happy to be done....then a fucking bug came out of freaking nowhere and pushed a broom stick up my ass....am now heading to sleep feeling violated hoping to pull a comeback from where the stick was pushed in1
-
Fuck start ups with large projects with no continous integration setup on git... and very many junior devs including the CTO(Not even a googling guru).... for fucks sake we cant deliver spaghettis as iF we are coding a restauRANT... fuck this shit load of a project....4
-
How to conduct yourself in a job interview
Simple test"Write a for loop".
First, write some nonsense bullshit for twenty minutes. Then, when you realize time is up, pass to the next question. After write more nonsense bullshit in SQL and jQuery, it's time to breath fast and panic.
Deliver your exam.
Pack your stuff and go to a cave where nobody ever will find you, cry the next three years and commit to a life of self punishment, shame and tears.
That's how you nail a job interview, suckers.3 -
We had to finish a student project, our project leader had done some work on the project before and his algorithm to detect an event was complete bullcrap.
I took it in my hands to rewrite the algorithm with the risk that it doesn‘t work and i hadn‘t done any work i could show, which would result in a bad grade.
Luckily my algorithm worked better in orders of magnitude and we managed to deliver on time -
I saved my uni work onto a floppy disk (2001) and walked a mile into university library to print it. When I got there and put it into the computer it had corrupted and the disk was unreadable! Luckily I had a back up on my computer so had to walk the mile back, saved again onto two different floppy disks this time and walked the mile back. This time I managed to print it and deliver the work 5 minutes before the deadline.
-
Everyone around me is running like crazy to deliver a project on time (the day after tomorrow) and I am sitting quietly trying to reply an e-mail of my project manager in french...
-
Hi. I would like a hamburger. Would you like cheese? No. I would like a hamburger with no cheese. Ok. Wait here 15 minutes and I'll give you a hamburger with cheese.
It's the same everywhere... image assets... project managers... node packages... almost every exchange I have - is with someone who isn't present and cannot deliver what they promise.
Huge thanks to the other people who follow through.1 -
Most difficult part is to work with company where all senior admins are from sales. They never f*cking idea about developers problems.
Just give time to end user customer before 3 month schedule. and now thinking, we can do 3 months working in 4 days.
The sales people think nine women can deliver a baby in just One month. just pushing me to hire new developers.4 -
An UI guy which actually complimented my will to work with non-dev professions in order to deliver quality features.
Spoiler: I am willing because you are awesome and are not offended in me asking questions outside my area of competence in order to be sure what I do is what you want, so if you happen to read this post kudos on you M. , not on me :) -
Is it OK to bludgeon the noisy, moaning, constantly negative 'devs' sitting opposite (and who deliver nothing) with my chair?4
-
Some managers think if one woman can deliver a baby in 9 months, then two can deliver a baby in 4 and a half...1
-
Had a fun adventure this morning. Had to deliver some bags to some houses. Entered the addresses in Google Maps. Off we go. First house, no problem. Second house, and Google is taking me on a weird route, through some parking lots and stuff. Finally, it wants me to turn onto a bike trail. WTF? My Google maps is set for bike routes. Went a lot faster when I set it to car. No wonder there were so many bikes and the road seemed so narrow.3
-
Have a issue to deliver today, Xcode start to act weird...
Ok let's just quit Xcode and open again...
"Xcode can't be opened while updating"
Fuck no! Who gave you permission for that, stop! Stop!
Hmm.... boss won't like this9 -
Wasting time of 20+ developers to deliver a 'how to use a bug reporting system', coz:
- you've only 2 newembers in team, and
- just to have a bi-weekly meeting.
Is not productive, motivating and wise by any means.
Combined $$$/hr amount here is quite an important metric.2 -
I hate infrastructure prima-donnas. "Prove the thing you haven't built yet won't use too many resources!"
Seriously, buddy, get a real job. Provisioning hardware is a software problem now. Help or get out of the way so we can deliver. -
Conclusion:
Cross-Platform mobile development sucks.
I will spend more tie but deliver more elegant app2 -
I'm a huge js fanboy who hates this library storm going on.. but ffs vue.js is awesome. I mean.. you .. just.. use it. You know? An oldschool script tag to include it and you're ready to go! And it's easy and it works beautiful. When did a js lib deliver that in the past 3 years.😁1
-
Not leaving my last job earlier.
History: Supervisor / Lead Developer was a complete moron who watched videos on facebook and youtube, engaged in heated discussions on facebook, wasted my time by showing the work of other companies and vines, smoked in the office and towards the end gave me shit for not meeting deadlines of the work that he was supposed to deliver. Project that I was working on had very lazy clients so I was free for even 2 days sometimes and that’s why I decided to help my supervisor on the project assigned to him but in reality I was handling two projects all alone.
Aftermath: My indie games started gaining traction on google play and I found a client and I made 5x my salary at my last job.1 -
Rant
I was given a project to lead and develop with 2 other team members by the co-founder, I was told that I will need to deliver an initial demo within 30 days, 20 days in the project and I was told yesterday that they need a final release ready within the next 10 days !! Not just that but the co founder decided to assign one of my team members to another project!!!
I've worked today till 4am.
Guess who's working from home in the morning!6 -
About 2/3 weeks ago had to deliver a college project where we were supposed to create a snake multilayer game on win32 API.
Just to discover how to create a simple dialogue box with sliders and retrieve the values it took 1 entire day. Just handle a simple dialogue box!
And I found the solution on a forum post from the last millennium. Literally!
That's the kind of job you don't wish even to your worst enemies. -
Project Manager is a person who thinks that one woman can deliver 10 babies in 9 months.
There's a special place for this kind of people in hell for ya.2 -
If I ever get asked to write code in C for a contract again. I am going to use the llvm C++ to C compiler. Then deliver the machine generated C code to them.4
-
> be me
> watching FRIENDS
> lurking internet
> get a message from the manager, "we need to deliver WordPress + woocommerce + cost calculator theme to the client".
> "but I'm, not a WordPress developer"
> ??
> "okay, I'll just find a theme for it on ThemeForest"
> *sends theme as per description*
> *reverts back with HTML5 template* "see if we can use this"
> to be honest, that template was not even close as per requirement.
> *sends another themes back and forth*
> ???
tl;dr : she finalized the theme I intially sent after half of the day
shall i just kill my self slowly with fire? -
PM: we have plenty of time to develop this app. The client is so slow in providing designs and specifications that it took them 2 months just to give me this lousy mockup where they copy/pasted UI element directly from Photoshop. Btw, i have a meeting this afternoon with them :)
ME: ok. since it's Friday, monday you will update me :)
[Fast forward the weekend]
PM: where the hell is the App ? the client told me we have less than one month to deliver it. why didn't you provide a fully functional pixel perfect prototype yet ? Why don't you communicate with me ?
ME: :|1 -
So when are all of you going to admit that React.js is useless? It's awful and miserable and doesn't do anything it promises to.
It's not faster to write code, it's not cleaner, it's not easier, it's just a ton of boilerplate and it can't even handle simple animations.
If Facebook didn't create it, everyone would think it's ridiculous and stupid.. Because it is.
Stop trying to be cool and just fucking deliver fucking business value.80 -
I should see it coming by now... it happens every release. I’m so tired of the ‘but can’t you just build in this one more thing?’ meetings. If I tell them we can’t, they get mad. If I tell them we can and we don’t deliver, they get mad. So... you want the truth or do you want me to lie to you? Your choice!5
-
So, while I was hunting for job...waiting for reply to the job I applied. (As now is CNY) , so my friends and I do a little bit of freelancing...
So this business owner wanted an Ewallet app in Kaios. It's possible but he keep complaining that why me and friends so slow and can't deliver in a day. WOW! He said he "Create" software before.
To burst my resentment, I asked him to show us what platform he use for creating application. He showed us "Wix.xom"
Long story short, we dropped the project. Find a new one. -
When I say I'm a developer, it means that, in simpleton language, that I don't do your backups, I don't "repair" you PC because you're a baffon and I certainly do not edit company's logo which is in .png format deliver it in .cdr file and expect it as, as good and perfect as original, So fuck you, you impatient , imbecile , pompous prick I've ever met
> "Yeah take as much time as you want, but do it quickly"
I mean what the fuck does that even mean, if you want it done quickly then say so, be a man and face it and don't hide behind the excuse of "take as much time as you want"
Fucking idiots, little do they know when I'm in the zone I need time to think before act so I don't get blamed for "un-satisfied" product in the future.
So I've decided to leave loopholes in the current project I've been working on, deliver it, and leave the company and make their lives living hell, I know this is beneath anyone's standards but I have to do this to teach them how to treat a person properly,FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK,
This is going to be fun9 -
The other day I was talking with a guy that's been in the company forever and he was explaining to me that when he joined they would write code with a pencil and deliver it to a pool of secretaries who would type it into these special machines to generate the actual code fed into the IBM machine.
We are so fucking spoiled 🤦♂️2 -
Many of you know twitch, now think of all the problems they have to tackle to serve livestreams to millions of users and sometimes deliver one livestream to tens of thousands of people around the world.
And this company always shows me the same FUCKING AD FOR THE SAME FUCKING AMAZON PRIME SHOW I DONT EVEN WANT TO WATCH. PLEASE LET AMAZON TELL YOU THAT METHOD HAD NO EFFECT AT ALL.5 -
I have decided to leave my fucking corporate job because of nonsense going on with the management fuckers. a high throughout distributed system with multiple components interacting together was asked to deliver in 2 fucking days starting from scratch.
I am asking for some tips regarding freelancer or remote job work. How do you guys find clients ? From where do I start ? I feel lost4 -
Fucking project lead!!! I was told to make a configuration script i have no experience in scripting yet he expects me to deliver it the following day!!!3
-
15h/day for at least one month.
Manager to someone: How long do you think it will take you to build this?
Someone: Erm... 6 months.
Manager: Fine, I'm pretty sure you can do it in 3 months.
I was invited/forced to join someone's team because he could not do it in 3 months. Neither did we, but we managed to deliver the project in 4 months.
The dickhead manager got a promotion, money prizes etc for burning us out. I can't stand this kind of managers.
Neither I or someone work for that guy anymore.
If a Dev tells you it would deliver something in X believe him, he's telling you the best he can.1 -
So we got back the test results and there is still some work todo on the project that should already been done.
We know we have planned you in for this other project but since we have to deliver them both, can you work on two project at the same time and finish those 20 storypoints in 2 hours?
Faaaaak offfffff -
Client : Couple of new features are added. Check out the documentation. Deliver the product as discussed.
Me : I doubt that. With new features it's definitely take one more week than discussed.
Client : Don't glam blame. It shows the work Quality and you are Incompetence.
Me : !?!?!???1 -
Functional Programming being touted as the silver bullet for all types of modern programming challenges.
Why? As far as I can tell, it doesn't deliver. Sure certain approaches help with specific kinds of problems. Yet, it is cumbersome for general purpose problems and downright harmful for performance critical problems. For doing math problems it is great and I see value. For most else, eh, I have work to do.10 -
I went to a meeting full of business senior management and IT senior management and proceeded to dress them down for treating me and my team like code monkeys. I was quite pointed in my criticism. Now, I'm just trying to deliver to minimize the blowback. I was right, but not my finest example of communication.
-
When you find out the 960 EVO M.2 SSD you rush delivered isn't supported on your motherboard so you have to return it and rush deliver an 850 EVO instead.3
-
Have any of you ever lost your job because you couldn't meet a deadline? ( The reason being because you didn't have enough experience to fix an issue so you could deliver on time) How did you bounce back?6
-
"Paint my rims black" - Can't be hard to understand? They deliver it like this.. asked me for a rating.. well.. #000000 ffs.
7 -
Asked our developers to build a site framework that can scale globally for all our brands.
Tell them to start with these 3 brands
They tell me they will use Drupal for the base, fair enough, i did pick them as they listed ex extensive drupal skills on their resume
Let them work on it, then time comes to deliver and I get handed 3 completely separate drupal sites that are just simply 3 individual commerce Kickstart sites with some really bad themes applied.
Asked what the fuck this is and get told that 'multi-site was too difficult and' is still a goal platform /framework because you can run multiple Drupal sites on one server.'
These people were hired and their resumes said things like' drupal multi-site developer'
Needless to say I get to hire the devs now.2 -
Step 1:
Promise customer something non-existent
Step 2:
Complain big time that engineering is not co-operating in getting the order out in time. (without which you won't get your end of year sales performance bonus)
Step 3:
Comment about the product being sub standard. Rant about how engineering "great" products must be the philosophy. Blah blah blah...
Offer to provide your fucking support to make the product better despite not being responsible for it.Be the greater person.
Step 4:
Deliver the product. Pocket your bonus. Make jokes about how bad the product is and how you won't sell it again to protect the company brand reputation.
Step 5:
Rinse and repeat.
Fucking assholes. -
Working in the government debugging usually starts with “have you tried it in IE? If yes, try it in something else. If no, try it in IE.”
Oh 2024 please deliver us from this hellscape which the heathens before me have wrought.2 -
Related to previous rant where I was asked to deliver the new UI for an Angular project running in production.
So the good NEWS is that I have successfully missed the deadline. Thanks to my project manager who keeps asking me to implement new features on other projects.1 -
Sooo cobol eeeh...?
Old legacy system still running ehh?
Eyes closed and hope for the best from management eh?
And now everybody needs them all, while simple ppl dont get their money managers just say sorry ?
Twas a timebomb and it will still be. Its hugely pathetic of those responsible to disregard their old systems and dont test them for the worst case.
Why am i trying here to deliver proper working systems with long term update schedules when ppl in charge suck with their responsibilities?3 -
Context: large project moves to touch friendly UI, request and initial specs late last year, specs initial mockups early this year, designer promises final design before end of Q1.
Two sprints into development no fucking design, meeting today about it, designer has no fucking clue about what we actually agreed to last time. Promises again to have it for next time.
What the actual fuck? How difficult it is to least read up the fucking notes and do your fucking job that you are being paid for? Had a half fucking year!
After meeting...
Me: why do we even keep him around?
Pm: he is really overbooked...
Me: my balls are overbooked, don't promise if you can't deliver! (Leaves meeting room)
Fairly confident that this is the last project with this guy...
Am I the only one who just hates working with designers?2 -
Every one of our sprint "planning" meetings.
We would sit and be told to estimate a bunch of defects we had never seen before. And then we wouldnt actually decide as a team what to commit to because it was assumed that we had to deliver everything in the backlog every sprint. This is what happens when you try to apply scrum to a maintenance team. -
Another day, another tragedy...
1,5 half year later 2 devs were able to deliver :
- custom authentication. Basically they did a very simple client credentials grant.
- a custom wrapper to manage windows services
- a custom job scheduling system
- a custom logging library to log everything to windows event viewer!!!!!!
- all csv reports are created using string interpolation WriteLine("'{varA}','{varB}'") like this...
There are a lot of defects in those functionalities and they delivered almost 0 business features.6 -
When you deliver exactly what the client asked for, but they still ask for their money back claiming you didn't.
-
Want responsive layout that fit on all device but expect fast deliver. Pls at least finalize the design and stop pushing. Deconstruction of code is not as easy as changing color in photoshop.3
-
What it's like to be a network
engineer...translated into normal people speak
User: I think we are having a major road issue,
Me: What? No, I just checked, the roads are
fine. I was actually just on the roads.
User: No, I'm pretty sure the roads are down
because I'm not getting pizzas.
Me: Everything else on the roads is fine. What
do you mean you aren't getting pizzas?
User: I used to get pizzas when I ordered
them, now I'm not getting them. It has to be a
road issue.
Me: As I said, the roads are fine. Where are
you getting pizzas from?
User: I'm not really sure. Can you check all
places that deliver pizzas?
Me: No I don't even know all the places that
deliver pizza. You need to narrow it down.
User: I think it is Subway.
Me: Okay, I'll check...No, I just looked and
Subway doesn't deliver pizzas.
User: I'm pretty sure it is Subway. Can you just
allow all food from Subway and we can see if
pizza shows up?
Me: Sigh, fine I've allowed all food from
Subway, but I don't think that is the issue.
Usher: Yeah I'm still not getting pizza. Can you
check the roads?
Me: It's not the roads, the roads are fine. I'm
pretty sure Subway isn't the place.
User: Okay, I found it. It's Papa Johns.
Me: Okay, I looked and Papa Johns does
deliver pizza. Is it the local Papa Johns or one
in a different town?
User: I don't know. Can you allow pizza from
all Papa Johns to me?
Me: No I can't do that. Can you get me an
address for Papa Johns?
User: No, I only know it as Papa Johns. Can
you get me all the addresses of all Papa Johns
and I'll tell you if one of them is correct?
Me: No, I don't have time for that. Okay, I
looked at the local one and it looks like they
have sent you pizza in the past and they are
currently allowed to send you pizzas. Try
ordering a pizza while I watch.
Usher: Yeah still no pizza. I'm guessing they
are getting blocked at the freeway. Can you
check the freeway to make sure they can get
through?
Me: No, this is a local delivery. They aren't
even using the freeway.
User: Okay, well then it has to be a road issue,
Me: No, the roads are fine. Okay, I just drove
from the Papa Johns to the address they have
on file for you and there is nothing there.
User: Hmm, wait we did move recently.
Me: Did you give your new address to Papa,
Johns?
User: No, I just thought they would be able to
look me up by name.
Me: No they need your new address. What's
your new address?
User: I'm not really sure. Can you look it up?
Me: Sigh, give me a second...Okay, I found
your address and gave it to Papa Johns. Try
ordering a pizza now.
User: HEY! PIZZA JUST SHOWED UP!
Me: Okay, good.
User: (To everyone else they know) I apologize
for the delay in the pizza but there was a major
road issue that was preventing the pizza from
getting to me. The network engineer has fixed
the roads and we are able to get pizza again.
Me: But it wasn't the roads...whatever.
User: Oh, can you also check on an issue
where Chinese food isn't getting to me? think
it may be a road issue5 -
We have to deliver a new functionality in 2 weeks and the client hasn't share with as the specs of the flow and the business details yet.
So until today we had developed the half functionality believing that our system will communicate with Web services with a third - not the actual one.
We figured it almost by luck, when randomly, a colleague from the third system made a funny comment.....2 -
So I'm working on a project with another developer and a frontend guy. Now the frontend guy has the lead as the other dev and I can only do our job based on his work. So he had 3 months to deliver us the first part BUT has rarely been in communication. When he does email he just says "designing concept "FOR 3 FUCKING MONTHS" Now we are 1 week before the project is due for delivery and he is saying that he will send us over the concept this FRIDAY!! 3days days before project is due.........................................................................................AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHRBFKDBDKSJRUDISNCFKSORVEOFBFOWBFFKDKWNDB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!2
-
Ok so I love being a programmer, but I've been programming for about 6-7 years now and to this day, have nothing to show for it.
I hate that I'm a no compromise sort of person but it means I just can't settle for something, I want to deliver a flawless and engaging product with plenty of polished features, but I'm 1 person trying to do what teams of devs do.
I even have a couple programmer friends that a couple years ago were begging to collaborate with me for there project but as soon as I ask them about collaborating they suddenly have a different view -,-
What do you guys do when motivation and moral starts wearing thin? :-/
Not having anything get completed is really bringing me down!2 -
To find and be able to fully deliver one project with a multi-million dollar profit just for me so I can just retire already.
-
Interesting definitions
1. Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine Women can deliver a baby in One month.
2. Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
3. Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single Woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4. Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.
5. Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6. Resource Optimization Team thinks they don’t Need a man or woman; They’ll produce a child with zero resources.
7. Documentation Team thinks they don’t care whether the child is delivered, they’ll just document 9 months.
8. Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
9. Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby. -
When your local shops start to run short, thank goodness for online ordering of out of date MRE's !
A friend of mine nearly 1,000 miles away reports all their local shops shelves are empty..
As The Hitchhikers Guide To the Galaxy would say, "Don't Panic!"
Only trouble with ordering online is that the shipping service to this island has reduced to 1/20th of what it was, so things are going to take even longer than they took before !
As such, I've put in an order that should reach me just before Christmas..
Assuming there is anyone alive to deliver it..
Related link:
https://youtube.com/watch/...
> Coldplay - Don't Panic
4 -
Fuck you, you fucking fucks!
Brilliant idea #23 to deliver more features than can happen without a time machine.
Let's take the team, assume minimal support is required for the brand new thing you just built, split it into four teams with two of them run by Sr Devs who've never seen your app and work on four things in silos. That way, you'll deliver faster!
How did you even get you job?! You want to fucking wreck the team we worked so hard to build, convince the hot shots to leave, AND destroy the app the company is counting on because you're an incompetent fuck-tard!
Hey, fine! But you'll do it without me and I'll work daily to advertise what you did to the people above you that actually CARE about the fate of our company!4 -
I've worked 16 hours per day for 3 days just because the Diwali was coming and there were too many holidays, so they kinda peeled me hard....
They decided to deliver things in 2-3 days which was supposed to be 18 days with proper planning and QA but yea fuck everything...... -
We have a (huge) project being converted from cpp to cs. This is done by another company.
We wanted them to also create unit tests for the cs version and they recommended MbUnit and Gallio.
I know a few libraries but didn't know MbUnit. All fine, I learn quick. Also MbUnit works like a charm
But then... I recently switched to VS2015 and somehow I couldn't get my unit tests to work. Turns out it doesn't support the compiler from VS2015. Also MbUnit stopped in 2013 T_T
Guess I have to stick with VS2012 for this project then.
Great start of 2017
Nothing bad to the guys in Belarus, though! They deliver great work!
If you read this, keep up the good work!
Rant on -
Last week a client had a meeting regarding an app I built for them for this one time project. This meeting occurred Monday.
Thursday I get a call at 8 am where they ask if they can get some fixups regarding the UI by Friday.
This despite the client knowing I work more than full time at another company and only take his business on the side.
Why does this always happen? You deliver a product and don't hear from the clients for days or weeks and suddenly they pop up and ask for a fix by the next day?
Ugh...4 -
To my boss who thinks is ok to message somebody:
- On his/her day off
- On Saturday
- On a Sunday morning
Of course all was related to business as usual stuff no real emergency stuff nor that would have impacted anyone waiting till Monday morning.
Of course no overtime nor on call here and been blamed due my ‘flexible’ schedule (read arriving at 09:15 rather say 09:00) but of course out of office hours work or having to deal with hot projects no one was able to deliver does not count...
Talking of true leadership11 -
How about "it's not your business to know that as long as they deliver what's necessary"?
That whole tracking and screenshot software movement for remote work is so vile, main reason I work at fixed rates where I just add a percentage of space on top and then do new contracts if they exceed that.
12 -
Hating WooCommerce at the moment. Have to update a private CC payment gateway plugin to do tokenization and subscriptions. The examples are pitching errors and deprecation notices, not all steps are being shown, and the example plugins aren’t providing any useful hints, either...
Last thing I need to deliver before Christmas; looking to be a long night...4 -
How on earth are you supposed to deliver a precise estimate of assignments, when your client wants the assignments estimated in parts, but youre not able to split it into parts because its a chain of assignments, that cant be split, like if one Thing succeeds then its possible to move on to next part? So many unknowns because you have to set time aside for unknown code behavior.. Sigh..1
-
Just wondering on some agile best practices. Do you guys estimate efforts for defects? My PO is totally against it and says we deliver 5 to 7 pointers user stories + fix all the defects from previous sprint and current sprint, which I feel is over burdening the Dev team + in hurry to complete current sprint stories delivering poor quality work, which in turn become defects in the next sprint 😨 caught in this loop for a while now 😫4
-
Remove it completly. There is no point in forcing it on children, governments are too slow to deliver a proper education plan that is not horrible outdated and proper coding teachers are non-existant.
Instead they shoul focus on STEM and provide computer clubs that are not based around grades and education plans.1 -
Just now I was talking to this young girl on her employment in the corporates. I asked her if she learned anything that allows her to deliver value to her organization. She said 'not much'. And she was actually learning the wrong things, and didn't get exposed to the proper tools to get the job done, and the fact that she wanted to take the offer to work overseas.
I was telling her that if she has the adequate skills and the drive to deliver, she can be anywhere she want, but not now, and then I offered her a part time or full time freelance position that she can really learn up a lot under my supervision and deliver with satisfaction. She's not budging.
It also made me thought of myself on why I'm always hesitant to get out of Malaysia and just start a new career along with my peers overseas. I honestly want to get out of here. Seriously. I could have just gone out there. Do you know how much that I envied people who went out and had a good life being employed elsewhere?
But I still haven't been satisfied with myself, of not being able to deliver the best that I can, the best of my work throughout the 7 years of my career, and I intend to stay and prove that I can produce something great and potentially have really good gains before I make my ultimate move. I still have work to do. Unfinished business.
There are several more things that I need to cover such as server deployment on AWS, doing DevOps for web backend apps, and more architecting work. It takes time to learn. That's why I want to delegate some Android work to that young fella, so that I can move on to the more hardcore stuff. -
Director walked in asking about the new homepage which we’re currently running an A/B test for. This page has been made and discussed by her direct colleague, the general director.
While walking though the page together with my colleage the designer the encounter a broken link.
Easy to fix ofcourse, and so we did, but shortly after he went back to hos room my colleage got an email asking who was responsible for this mistake.
It’s not one person. In first instance it’s our 6 headed web team. But after we deliver it multiple people test the page, and also the company who creates the A/B test sees tests and confirms.
This all happened during my holidays, but still i feel also responsible.
Couple of tiny mistakes, and still nobody in this whole process notices.
(At least 10 persons)
HOW THE HELL is that possible?!3 -
I live in an apartment building and ordered a DVD from Amazon, 2-day delivery on Friday. So was supposed to arrive yesterday but got a "Delivery was Attempted". I said ok probably the postal service being lazy. Some days they just don't deliver even though they should...
They tried again today but I get notified of the same problem. Now I'm pissed so finally contact Amazon. Turns out they didn't use USPS or any of the big shippers.
I'm going WTF... isn't it common sense... all these rocket science engineers and they can't add a simple if?
if(address.HasApartmentNumber) shippers.Select( x => x.CanAccessApartmentBuildings)9 -
My project late for 2 weeks to deliver to our client cause of my dev,
Me: When you will finish your task?
Dev: this weekend, it’s only bla bla bla
But he never finish his task on time.
I am plan to cut $100 from his bonus to buy new chair for us, what do you think? Or any idea?
PS: My dev will see this rant8 -
Had to help a client set up a Zebra label printer the other day, because whoever was sent to deliver and set it up failed to complete the task.
After spending some time on their website looking for drivers and applications, I totally understand why he gave up.
The UX was horrible. Whatever I clicked sent me further and further away from what I tried to achieve.
How can UX not be essential in 2017? How can a company survive with such 💩 web pages?3 -
Not starting on work until I barely have enough time left. Then pulling multiple all nighters to deliver on deadline
-
On Friday a PM I worked with on a project a long time ago, asked me to do a little task on that project, I said yes, and said that I will be sure to deliver it on Friday, but I forgot to do it and, just now I was walking to the kitchen to make myself some tea, and saw him on the way and I was like "Oh, shit"
-
One of the coolest projects I've worked on was with the BBC, basically a competition attempting to find a new way to deliver news. Over 3 days we essentially brain stormed and scrum'd together a shoddy Web app using webRTC and 3 secret API's based on JSON and xml.
Fun project, performed badly but won. Moral of the story, if it looks nice, works as intended, no devs are reviewing it and you've crossed your fingers enough, you'll win ;) -
Is a company bad if it puts constant pressure on developers to quickly deliver bits and pieces of functionality the client desires with little attention to quality? The focus is then on pleasing the client at the most shallow level by providing a stream of quick fixes, only to be met with an equal amount of bug reports, even after the full testing stack by the testing team.5
-
So this modeler on a Dev call, I have this new shiny model, let's release this to production mid November😳 (Seriously that's how he started out the first conversation).
2 min silence, everybody looks at each other for reaction, just like a TV shows !! 🤣🤣
And the my Manager lists out the things that would be required to before we ship this out.🤐
Modeler : Oh I guess we won't be able to deliver it this year.😤
I am like what were you thinking. Everything is not just import an Excel in R and crunch numbers and write reports and show graphs. is it?
There is a real development cycle that has to do all of the above on not so pretty data, at scale reliably for 100s of clients and not just your laptop. -
I was changing the PEI sheet on my 3D Printer and in the process I manged to also destroy the temperature sensor😭.
I was trying to order a new one and internet went down too. I also have school tomorrow so I need to go to sleep.
😣I need the printer for a thing I have to deliver in 5 days.
Guess I'll have to take the sensor from another bed (hopefully without destroying this one too).
Fffffffuuuuuuuccccckkkkk -
Teamlead: Can you integrate feature X to project Y? The dev maintaining that project has lots of work and does not know how to do it, and we need to deliver it next week.
Me: Sure, I know that feature should not take long.
BIG MISTAKE!
For 2 hours now I'm trying to get that fucking project to run... errors, faulty configuration, tons of missing stuff in the project environment.
The list of errors grows with every step I get further. And I have not even started with the feature I should work on.
So good luck next week, my dear colleague, I'm not the one finishing your tasks from the past few months, I'm just fixing the stuff I actually need to finish my task. -
Customers CEO insists we need to start the 3 weeks to deliver crunch website project by having the hottest UX design on the planet done by a professional UX specialist specializing in hotness who might charge a lot and take a few weeks and leave us no time to deliver said hotness. Grrrr.
I felt like Sirus Black as a dog bouncing of the chest of the werewolf.
When I explained in full why it's a great idea to have a great UX concept, the project is an education website, for the government, and it's WCAG AA. Balanced against all the reasons that we had more urgent things to look at with such a short timeframe they insisted "The UX Guy" will save us. Dear fascist bully boy. I am a UX guy! I may not be "The UX Guy" but I remember when Javascript was for popups and the extent of most peoples PHP was sending forms via anonymous SMTP. I bet the design will look something like the CNN website or Apple.com. Both bastions of web accessibility standards. Grrrrrr. -
A better half of the day wasted.
Why?
Because fabric8 k8s client probably has a bug, where it fails to deliver the last part of the exec() output. Or the whole output, if it's short enough.
brilliant... Aaaaaand we're going back to the official k8s client with ~10 parameters in their methods.
Fucking awesome. -
Co-worker (in another department) has a friend in LA that hired someone in another country to build them an exact replica of another company's site. The developer is having trouble and he wants me to get on the phone with them for "just 5-10 minutes" to help them.
So- you refuse to support local business and freelancers to save money, then expect me to help you for free when they can't deliver. Got it.1 -
I never had a lot of faith in my dev competence to begin with.
It gets even worse on my current (and also first) job. So far I have been handed solo projects that I need to deliver in a small amount of time using tools I have no experience with. I have two other colleagues I can ask my questions, but they are too busy working on other projects they got handed. Which leaves me 80% of the time on my own.
The bright side of it is if I make it alive somehow, my resume will be diverse.4 -
Procrastinating as I had to deliver a full working Android app and it'd Backend to feed data to it. I had 6 months. I pulled 2 all nighters and finished the entire project in just one week. I and I totally ducked it up. No backend optimization means with 100 users online the server will go stupid and don't know how to handle the pressure. The Android app just doesn't work on some devices due to a poor error handling. So yeah, I totally love to procrastinate, but I'll just leave that for later.
-
A prayer from a colleague:
Our silicone god which art in the SSD
Italic be thy name
Thy computing come
Thy bus be done
On the screen
As it is on the hdd
Give us this day our daily blue screen
And forgive us our keystrokes, as we
forgive our keyboards.
And lead us not into restarts, but
deliver us from memory leaks: For thine is the
memory, and the cpu, and the
bus, for ever. Amen
Beautiful is it not :) -
When you're agreed with prototyping sdlc then suddenly it became waterfall model.
"I'm thinking there's some lack of additional features that might be needed by our clie-"
"NO! CAN THE SOFTWARE WORK? WE NEED TO RELEASE TOMORROW "
"Yes it works ok deliver tomorrow"
Fucking cheesedick hobo here comes another deployment Friday that tops another nice fucking shit on your degenerative brain to come up with such a plan -
Times are so different. Especially don't shoot the messenger. Ha, fuck that. Shoot him on sight. That dude can think for himself if it's OK to deliver the message right?
Sadly, the messengers are protected by 'freedom to speech'. More like 'freedom to propaganda' these days.
This is not only dev related. It's 42 related4 -
Tomorrow is the deadline to deliver the site of our company and have it up & running.
I just heard they also expect a fully functional store locator.
I am still the digital marketer.
And as a bonus
the file with locations that I get to work with is a json file (not even geoJSON).
Oh and they want a 'distinctive' style of course not just any template and it has to be free.2 -
Switched from recording based automation tool (ranorex) to script based (puppeteer) for a web app. Risky because everyone was against this and I had to deliver.
-
So I ordered the wrong size coffee filters on Amazon 😶 I know they were probably already in the area but UPS guy got here in 10 minutes to pickup my return I need Amazon to deliver my packages that fast 😂5
-
Educate them about context switching and how bad it is for productivity. Also deliver high quality work, at the end you’ll earn their trust and it makes for a much better work environment.
-
So this has happened before, but I think I’m gonna deliver late on this project. I really don’t want to look bad within the first six months of a new job. Someone lie to me and say it’ll all work out. 😭😭4
-
When you deliver a site to a customer and find out that you forgot to prepare all the statements so that the website wouldn't be vulnerable to SQL injections. So yesterday I forgot to add that, had to close down all the connections to the website and rewrite all the statements. Everything is good now
-
I've worked with US and UK developers, in my opinion they are ok. I like the most Indian developers, sometime a bit difficult to communicate but they deliver on time. No sure it's because they willing to burn extra time for their job.4
-
"The employee handbook has gone paperless starting this year to help the environment! Please print out the acknowledgement form and deliver to HR that you acknowledge receiving the enclosed PDF of the handbook."2
-
The moment you are in a IT room at school that is in it's own private network... and they still want you to make assignments / deliver assignments on their website. (which doesn't work on that network)
-
Doesn't want to use VCS and wants to deliver a project to client.
Note to self: Don't help friends in their misadventures -
Can’t tesla’s self driving cars used to deliver Groceries ?
Grocery delivery should not be a life or death choice for people3
Top Tags
Weekly Rant
View