Definitely my security teacher. He actually expected us to actively learn the stuff and put effort into our education. He guided us through malware analysis and reverse engineering, simplifying it without insulting us.

We had students who thought they knew everything and he corrected them. We had arrogant students he put in place.

He treated us like adults and expected us to act like adults.

That's the only class I enjoyed studying for, because he would tell us exactly what wasn't on the exams (it was an intro course, didn't need to know the math). There were no trick questions.

I told him about the shitty teacher and he helped me through that confidence block. He helped me realize I *can* make it through the workforce as a female in security because I will work my ass off to be the best I can be. He reminded me why I love computers and why I want to go into forensics.

He's been a great mentor and role model and hiring him is one of the few things my department did right.

UI design gone wrong

My first dev job was a paid internship at Oak Ridge National Laboratory. But I wasn't in the computing division with the supercomputer and the 30-foot 18-screen wall display. In a way, I was doing something more exciting. I was in the Hollifield Radioactive Ion Beam Facility.

That meant that I was working next to a radioactive ray gun that they fired at different targets to try and make new kinds of particles. To refine the beam components, there was a tower with the world's highest voltage Van de Graf generator at 25,000 kilovolts. I got training on how to put on a radiation suit, and was told that if I got locked in the wrong room and red lights began to flash, I had about five seconds to run to the far wall and push the E-stop, before I got irradiated and died slowly over the next five weeks.

But, I was reassured, that never happened. Radiation leaks are rare too (that's why we wore dosimeters). More likely, there would be a leak in the generator tower. To explain why that's bad, that tower wasn't filled with normal air. 25,000 kilovolts would punch through that like nothing, arc against the walls, and we'd lose the electric charge. No, instead, the tower was filled to a few atmospheres of pressure with sulfur hexafluoride gas. You know how helium makes your voice go up? This stuff makes your voice go down. It's heavier than air, and it kills you by displacing and starving your lungs of oxygen.

So, while I was happily coding away on PHP, CSS and the Bash shell, making a log book for all the ion gun settings and targets the scientists used in their experiments, I was keeping an ear out for the oxygen alarm. I had a blast!

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck I have a deadline to meet and I have zero motivation to get shit done

Got the best cake for my 30th birthday. Only if my wife understood what language I program with. I still love her though!

A few months ago I was working on a (totally underpaid project) where my friend and I had to basically rewrite the entire program our client was using.

So we started planning and wrote all sorts of documentation to show the client our ideas for the new flow of the program, the new structure of the GUI and a few more details of what would the inner workings of the new app. He seemed to like all those ideas and gave us the green light to go through with the project and start coding.

We spent a couple of months coding, redoing the front end from scratch (with a different framework even, so I couldn't reuse any code from the old version) and completely redesigning the back end so it would be better, faster, more scalable etc etc etc. During this process, we obviously showed the progress of the app to our client, explaining everything we had been doing, and he seemed to like every new version we showed him.

When we were in one of the last stages in development (basically sending versions of the app to the client for evaluation), the guy suddenly changed his mind. After agreeing on everything we had been showing him over the last months, he sent an email saying:

"...the new system makes the app too complicated. I want this program to be as simple to use as possible; so we should revert the "Policy" system to essentially what it was in the last major version. The only change I want to make is [...] and everything else is essentially the same as the last Policy system."

So basically he wanted us to FUCKING UNDO EVERYTHING WE HAD DONE AND REVERT THE FUCKING PROGRAM TO THE FUCKING VERSION HE HAD BEFORE HIRING US!!!! WHAT THE FUCK????

YOU WANTED US TO CHANGE YOUR APP AND THEN YOU SUDDENLY CHANGE YOUR MIND AFTER 3 FUCKING MONTHS WHEN THE PROCESS IS DONE???

GO FIND A SWORDFISH TO FUCK YOU IN THE ASS, IM NOT WORKING FOR YOU ANYMORE

God, it feels good to let that out.

How does this look? (Elementary OS with conky)

A human cell has 75MB of DNA information, a sperm cell has half A human cell has 75MB of DNA of it 37.5MB, a milliliter of semen has 100 million sperm cels, on average, a ejaculation lasts 5 seconds and has 2.24 milliliters of Semen.

That means a man is able to produce: 37.5MB x 100,000, 000 x 2.25/5 = 1.687.500,000.000.000 bytes/sec 1,6875 Terabytes/sec;

That means a ovule is able to recive a dDOS attack of 1,6 terabytes per second and only lets one package pass, making it THE BEST FIREWALL IN THE WORLD

This never gets old...

When your colleague is having the time of his life writing unit tests

Microsoft 😂😂😂

Pro tip:
Decorate your room like a lecture hall so you fall asleep faster

I'm pissed at my cousin who's studying IT at the moment. He wants to copy my thesis project(from 3 years ago) and make it his own for his thesis project this year. Like woah dude! Can't you be creative, work hard, and make a project of your own because that's for your own good? And don't you dare bring up the "I'm your cousin, pretty please"-card up! He also wants me to lie if his professor contacts me and tell that he was part of the project. Are you effin' kidding me? You didn't know how to code 3 years ago! How would you expect me to tell your prof that you were part of the team? I just gave him the documentation(without the source code) and I said I lost the apk. That's just how far I can go for someone like that 😕

Can we please stop reposting the newest commitstrip every bloody day.

We get it, its a funny comic strip about development, they have their own website for it though.

There is something oddly not "rantish" about just posting an image someone else worked hard on and getting ++es for it

</rant>

Making my Sass variables...

Sassa Grey

Engineers <3

Found a global constant in my project.

KEY_TITLE = 'tit'

CableArt ...

The worst part of getting a new laptop is having to say goodbye to all the stickers you invested on your old one

Dear Firefox OS; at least you tried

When she just gets you

My little girl 😇

Please for the love of god name your variables in a sensible way! How the FUCK am I supposed to read your shitcode if you decide to write 6 (!!!) nested loops with variables each named by exactly one character. With no comments whatsoever!

I would rather crack password hashes than this nonsense.

My brother, as a 23 year old trying to apply for mechanical engineering jobs, came across this posting!

That's why they say, start young, kids :P

"This towel executed an illegal operation and needs to be washed"

Winning a stress ball with a stress ball.

It's so frustrating when you're trying to power through a development but get constantly interrupted by phone calls, coworkers, project managers, meetings, emails and IM.

Just let me work!!

Upgraded work PC to a SSD. Can't believe the difference it made. It's like a new computer.

Only trouble is, now I can't blame the computer for my slow work...

Maybe I can blame the RAM from now on.

The saddest error message I've ever seen. Poor LinearLayout 🙁

Coworker's whiteboard today