Sit down before you read this.

So I interviewed a guy for a "Support Engineer" internship position.

Me and the team lead sit down and are waiting for him to enter, but apparently he's actually making a coffee in the kitchen.

This isn't exactly a strike since the receptionist told him that he can go get a drink, and we did too. It's just always expected for him to get a glass of water, not waste 3 minutes brewing a coffee.

In any case he comes in, puts the coffee on the table, then his phone, then his wallet, then his keys and then sits on our side of the table.
I ask him to sit in front of us so we can see him. He takes a minute to pack and tranfer himself to the other side of the table. He again places all of the objects on the table.

We begin, team lead tells him about the company. Then I ask him whether he got any questions regarding the job, the team or the company . For the next 15 minutes he bombards us with mostly irrelevant and sometimes inappropriate questions, like:
0: Can I choose my own nickname when getting an email address?
1: Does the entire department get same salaries?
2: Are there yoga classes on Sundays only or every morning?
3: Will I get a car?
4: Does the firm support workspace equality? How many chicks are in the team?
5: I want the newest grey Mac.

And then.. Then the questions turn into demands:
6: I need a high salary (asks for 2.5 more than the job pays. Which is still a lot).
I ask him why would he get that at his first job in the industry (remind you, this is an internship and we are a relatively high paying company).
He says he's getting paid more at his current job.
His CV lists no current job and only indicates that he just finished studying.
He says that he's working at his parent's business...
Next he says that he is very talented and has to be promoted very quickly and that we need to teach him a lot and finance his courses.

At this point me and the team lead were barely holding our laughs.

The team lead asks him about his English (English is not our native language).
He replies "It's good, trust me".
Team lead invites him for an English conversation. Team lead acts like a customer with a broken internet and the guy is there to troubleshoot. (btw that's not job related, just a simple scenario)
TL: "Hello, my name is Andrew, I'm calli..."
Guy: *interrupts* "Yes, yes, hi! Hi! What do you want?"
TL: "Well, if you let me fi..."
Guy: "Ok! Talk!"
TL: "...inish... My internet is not working."
Guy: "Ok, *mimics tuning a V engine or cooking a soup* I fixed! *points at TL* now you say 'yes you fixed'".

Important to note that his English was horrible. Disregarding the accent he just genuinely does not know the language well.

Then he continiues with "See? Good English. Told you no need to check!".

After about half a minute of choking on out silent laughter I ask him how much Python experience he has (job lists a requirement of at least 1 year).
He replies "I'm very good at object oriented functional programming".
I ask again "But what is your experience? Did you ever take any courses? Do you have a git repository to show? Any side.."
*he interrupts again* "I only use Matlab!".

Team lead stands up and proceeds to shake his hand while saying "we will get back to you".

At last the guy says with a stupid smile on his face "You better hire me! Call me back tomorrow." Leaves TL hanging and walks away after packing his stuff into the pockets.

I was so shocked that I wasn't even angry.
We both laughed for the rest of the day though. It was probably the weirdest interview I took part at.

Like many others my favourote shameless hack is a cronjob to restart our app server at 2am, thus preventing out of memory exceptions

Realising that 12 year olds these days can code and build better than I do today.

When I was 12, I was content playing Pinball and chatting with strangers on yahoo messenger.

I'm 23 and shameless.

Today I turn 25!

All I want for my birthday is a stressball.

If the guy who just turned 30 can get one :) ...

~ shameless request ~

What could more shameless than hardcoding the data!

All my code is hacked together and barely works and is nowhere near shameless. But I'm pretty proud of my hardware hacks. Like the sticker that holds the casing on my laptop together.

National Health Service (nhs) in the UK got hacked today... Workers at the hospitals could not access patient and appointment related data... How big a cheapskate you gotta be to hack a free public health service that is almost dying for fund shortages anyway...

Mah code toad. He glares at me when I do shameless hacks.

!important; /* shameless hack */

/* Shameless hack */

Hybrid apps

// TODO: write about shameless hack

My career has been described as a shameless hack...

Hi oh!!

I'll be here all week folks.

I often create git issues seconds before pushing the fix, then closing them immediately.

Allows my coworkers to receive notifications that I am actually working...

Double tap to knock!

I fucking love school janitor's reactions when they are called to fix projector connection in my school, we have an old teacher and she connected everything but the projector had shown no signal (all she had to do was do a simple log off log in or duplicate screen and it would work) and she calls the janitor to fix it. So janitor comes and he grabs this fucking 5 meter long stick (we dont have remote controllers) and he goes to change video source and every source shows no signal, the guy knew that he had no idea what he was doing he just clicks buttons with this giant stick and has already passed all sources that showed no signal 10 times, so he gives up on the projector and goes to the laptop just because he didnt want to look stupid and he bloody looks at it for solid 15 minutes but hes not even doing anything he was obviously trying to mind control the pc and make it work, after shameless 15 minutes he says this is beyond me and goes out of the classroom.

Shameless repost from reddit.

Joined a game development Facebook group just for shits and giggles to see what sort of hell I can see on there...

Never have I seen so much broken English or the amount of people asking for help to build a shameless clone for Android just to get money... Really makes you think sometimes...

A coworkers shameless hack. Our services have a bug being investigated that cause the server eventually to fail.

The hack? Reset the connections of every user every 6 hours and restart the servers.

-_-

My side project GlimpseDash! Specifically with the new ScreenSaver feature it is AMAZING ☺

Hey... Is this... A picture of Napolean crossing the alps while giving devRant a shameless plug?

Nah. Can't be. Everyone knows that he's a soulless PM. Figures that he's using light theme.

Shameless hack? Using overflow hidden to show content that is hidden.

Since my first post was a success, here's another shameless hack-- in this case, ripping a "closed" database I don't usually have access to and making a copy in MySQL for productivity purposes. That was at a former job as an IT guy at a hardware store, think Lowes/Rona.

We had an old SCO Unix server hosting Informix SQL (curious, anyone here touched iSQL?), which has terminal only forms for the users to handle data, and has keybindings that are strangely vi based (ESC does commit changes. Mindfsck for the users!). To add new price changes to our products, this results to a lengthy procedure inside a terminal form (with ascii borders!) with a few required fields, which makes this rather long. Sadly, only I and a colleague had access to price changes.

Introducing a manager who asks a price change for a brand- not a single product, but the whole product line of a brand we sell. Oh and, those price changes ends later after the weekend (twice the work, back at regular price!)

The usual process is that they send me a price change request Excel document with all the item codes along with the new prices. However, being non technical, those managers write EVERYTHING at hand, cell by cell (code, product name, cost, new price, etc), sometimes just copy pasted from a terminal window

So when the manager asked me to change all those prices, I thought "That's the last time I manually enter all of this sh!t- and so does he". Since I already have a MySQL copy of the items & actual (live) price tables, I wrote a PHP backend to provide a basic API to be consumed to a now VBA enhanced Excel sheet.

This VBA Excel sheet had additional options like calculating a new price based on user provided choices ("Lower price by x $ or x %, but stay above cost by x $ or x %"), so the user could simply write back to back every item codes and the VBA Excel sheet will fetch & display automatically all relevant infos, and calculate a new price if it's a 20% price cut for example.

So when the managers started using that VBA sheet, I had also hidden a button which simply generate all SQL inserts for the prices written in the form, including a "back to regular price" if the user specified an end date, etc.

No more manual form entry for me, no more keyboard pecking for the managers with new prices calculated for them. It was a win/win :)

Best shameless hack: installing a Windows Service to restart Apache Tomcat every night at 2am on a clients' server coz the jsp application kept leaking memory and crashing tomcat. So bad, yet such a timesaver.

Wk19 is the week I become a real programmer because of you guys ...
Shameless bastards , I am one of you now

Not entirely dev related, but definitely shameless. In high-school we had to study CS, but it was more about knowing to use Office. We had class tests, which mean that we all had the same task and we had to finish it until the end of the class. Obviously no one wanted to do it, so whoever finished first would email it to everyone. Most people, however, were stupid enough to leave the meta data untouched, so it was obvious who was the original author. To not appear suspicious, I removed the original metadata and put my own in, and deliberately made errors in the sheet and corrected others that I noticed. I never got caught, because my work would always have "unique" mistakes.

Shameless copy paste

So we were building this thing with a raspberry pi, a few sensors and a few motors but for some reason we could not interface a sensor with the pi (this is supposed to be trivial) so we interfaced it with an Arduino and had connected a pin on the Arduino to the Raspberry pi to alert the pi when the sensor reads something!

Not something we were proud of but we had time constraints and couldn't figure out how to make it work. Also, the thing we were building was just for a one time use so we thought it would be okay

Best shameless hack? CSS vertical centering... 'nuff said..

This hack is totally shameless. I quit smoking a couple years ago just to start vaping. And I always was allowed to vape at my office desk.
No stressballs Jedi this needs.

I wonder how many developers each day rant here to get stickers and stress ball 😝.

Shameless acceptance: I am one of them.

My first android app, it got me into the field of android development.
It was a simple wallpaper app for Android but it is my most precious project.

Wall Bucket is the name of the app (shameless self-promotion)

Fun story, I keep discovering new ways of being shameless.
I had been once caught of basically giving my assignment (not one of my brightest moments)for a course to a friend and surprise surprise the instructor did take disciplinary action but he was a bit pissed so infact, he called out for a viva for all the assignments.
The Vivas went fine but immediately after I was done I was like "sir so I'm having a bit of trouble in this next assignment I was wondering if you could help me out" 😂 I have no clue what I was thinking nor was I proud of that.
Kudos to the instructor tho who calmly responded and actually helped me out with it.
Also due to some policy the action could not go ahead so yea guess things turned out fine. Im now hoping to see if he can keep me as an RA. Again, yes why am I like this. Good instructor tho.

!Rant

Yes, I know I'm shameless, but here we go:

Are there any norwegian devs out there that are looking for a new colleague (webdev)? :D
I'm going to be out of work in a few months time, and have started applying for jobs in the Oslo area, but most jobs I see listed require 3+ years of experience. I've worked with web for about 9 months and I'm keen to get more experience. Interested in a full time job or being a trainee.

Proficient in HTML, CSS/SASS, JavaScript/jQuery, PHP, Wordpress, MySQL.

If yoy know anything, please let me know :)

If you'll do a shameless copy-paste from another project, at least find and replace ALL mentions of the copied project name and variables.

I keep giving myself excuses but I'm really just a shameless fucking lazy bastard! Get off your fat ass already!!!

<you style="give_fucks: none; friends: false; dick_level: 110%;" />

Used Xamarin to create cross platform apps

My most shameless hacks mostly include cronjobs that run every 5 minutes to cleanup or fix some faulty stuff...

Anyone looking for a .NET developer to work from home? UK based, hard working and a good laugh

When sharing your nomination for a webby becomes more important than your actual software development work mh.tl/vote

@dfox I'm absolutely loving these avatars! btw I know I'm going to ask too much but can you add the facial hair with a goatee and no moustache.

As expected, every ambulance chasing security company is banging on my door, trying to convince me that I need their antimalware/SIEM/monitoring service because GDPR.

You guys are shameless.

Shameless hack:
?b=Math.random()

I don't really have a recruiter story but this will have to cut it:
I had a meeting at a web development company for a project they were outsourcing to my company (it wasn't really their area of expertise). As we walked into the building, the person we were meeting with kept saying things like, "O, those guys probably just came back from playing foosball downstairs." or "Would anybody like a cappuccino. We have like 10 machines."
To assert my resistance to this shameless charm, I declined the coffee. First and last time I say no to coffee.

Shameless hack? I am not sure if always return success from a testcase counts... I fixed lots of this kind of shit, guess they were done when someone really want to release something... I git blamed them, and I hate them all.

I would rather give up coffee than use Confluence for tech docs. And I love my coffee.

Also, shameless self promotion gh:rocadocs/rocadocs

Disclaimer: I am a beginner and I used node just because my employer asked me to.
I needed to create 1400 random users for a platform and I needed to get all the usernames and passwords in a json file and my idea was to just add the object to other collection with all the creditals(passwords are hashed in the db so I couldnt just loop them). For some reason it wouldn't work (i am really bad with async functions) and I just threw the table and copy pasted it from the error screen.
this_shit = {[name1,pass1],[name2,pass2]...}
throw this_shit;
Worked like a charm ^_^

OpenPGP or GPG?

++ first comment for OpenPGP, second for GPG (shameless ++ farming as well)

Post relevant fingerprints in comments if desired <3