This popped up at work, so I had to.

Opens a website:

ENABLE NOTIFICATIONS!
- no.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER!
- no.

TURN OFF AD BLOCK!
- no.

WE USE COOKIES!
- ok.

PAGE 1 OF 11!
- oh ffs.

Just asked some bloke at work if he's into computers, and he said yes.

I asked him what languages he likes.
He responds 'Linux'.

I now knew he was bullshitting, so I asked him what compiler he uses.

He said binary.

Can I rip his teeth out and make a twat-tooth necklace now?

"Time to turn the pi off"

$ sudo shutdown now

* Laptop turns off *

🤦‍♂️

Desks are fucken expensive for what they actually are.

I strongly dislike the www part in domain names (the subdomain, really), that's not really news anymore.

Loads of sites use it which I find annoying as fuck for some reason but so be it. (I understand that its very logical to loads of people)

And then you get a client who calls in because the email server isn't accepting her username/password.

*looks into the logs*

"incorrect authentication data: info@www.herdomain.com"

Kill it with fucking fire.

My girlfriend knows what a coder needs when it’s their birthday. Lucky to have her. Walked into my room and it was set up like this.

In Japan, they have technical books written in comic/manga styles.

How to have success when you are chatting with live support:

- Pretend to be a girl

This is very effective, I can get lower price and good deal almost every time.

I'm trying to Uninstall Visual Studio 2017 and the uninstaller is asking me to update the installer before I can proceed.

What type of fuck is this Microsoft?

okay, I promise.

a great opportunity

Customer : c
Me : m

*Few weeks ago*
C: the server is slow, it sometimes takes 7 seconds before I see our data

(the project is 7+ years old and wasn't written by someone who is very good in SQL)

M: yeah I see that, our servers are busy with this one "process" (SQL query)
C: make it faster
M: well that's possible but it will take a few days (massive SQL spaghetti that I first have to untangle)
C: 😡 nvm then

*Yesterday*
C: server is down !
M: 🤔 *loads data from server and waits ~ 7 seconds*
M: Well what's the problem?
C: I need the data but it's so slow

WELL YOU MINDLESS IMBECILE... If something is slow it doesn't mean our god damn production server is down !
That just means that you have to give us a day or two so we can optimise the (ALSO BY YOUR REQUEST) rushed project... And save you YOUR money that YOU waste on the processing time on our server...

Well, FUCK YOU TOO LINKEDIN!!!

So today my boss forwards me this pdf a client sent with some requests

Exams next week but I'm on a HP marathon ..

Fuck you windows and your bizarre line endings.

^M (CR) all over the place now, fuck this, going to make an automated tool now that converts all line endings to LF

So the tax authorities in the Netherlands have this slogan that roughly translates to:
"We can't make it fun, but we can make it easier."

I'm not sure how this is going to be easy for me. This arrived in the mail today.
Even worse this is a fuck up from them. They are saying our company did not do it's taxes but when we log in their online portal we can see that we did them. But they are saying that they don't see it in their system.

Who build that system?

Trying to stay calm when they are claiming I own them more taxes then my company has earned in a year.

I did not have enough sleep for this drama.

By the way how about we save some trees and don't send 30 letters on 1 day.

This is my main computer where i spend most of my time, please excuse the mess, didnt have time to clean up

Did a very tiny migration for a client which would normally be done against our hourly rate but decided to do it for free as it would take me like 5 minutes and it was a very important thing for him and he actually offered to pay.

Fuck it, he'll be very happy, it doesn't take me much time and I know my boss would approve.

Did the migration, messaged the client and he thanked me.

Next day a cake arrives at work with my name on it and "thanks for helping us with the migration!"

Now that's how you make my fucking day!

We had some cake in the office today. They think we're celebrating someone's birthday, when in fact I'm secretly celebrating me deleting 33k lines of code instead 😁

I'm working on a firmware for 3d printers. I had to send a lot of data to another microcontroller and I was making a very sophisticated protocol. When finished I was so proud of my work but in that moment I remember that there is a thing called JSON but I didn't care. Now I have to send the same data to a webserver and need to move from my own protocol to JSON.
Fuck me.

Apparently after 14 hours of coding, my sleepy version is happy with

!>= instead of <=

Don't let your team working be like this:

Monday:
Frontend: Hey, is the API ready?
Backend: Sure, will give you later

Tuesday:
Frontend: @backend, is the API ready?
Backend: yeah, yeah, will give you later, yesturday is busy.

Wednesday:
Frontend: @backend, is it ready?
Backend: Been working on some prd bugs, will give you later

Thursday:
Frontend: @backend...
Backend: ...

Friday:
Frontend: @backend...
Backend: Oh, I just find out that you should ask @backend_b for this API...

(I was actually trying to get my avatar, but this story is real)

A colleague of mine got a ticket today from a customer. The customer complained that the website visitors would need to many clicks to see the news on the site and that the news section is kinda hidden. We were quite confused because there is no news section on the website. After looking around for an hour we saw that the customer used the FAQ page to also include news by simply putting [NEWS] in front of the caption.

Tried to modify a script again which pretty much installs a ready to use vpn server on a server.

Tried to modify it so that it takes arguments instead of manual input.

It is, fucking, yet again, quitting right after an apt install command.

Error exit code? Oh no, a perfectly fine fucking 0. Which means it ran successfully.

Successfully my fucking ass. You aren't even through half the motherfucking script!?

Fucking hell. Fuck my life sideways.

Boss asked one of our senior Linux engineers to look into an issue. When restarting a service, the person renting the server would get the errors e-mailed which occurred during the restart (it wasn't reachable so the service trying to reach it would throw errors).

Although this was very expected behavior, the client found it unacceptable! Boss asked the engineer to look into this while acknowledging that it was probably an impossible task except for if you'd just disable logging but then all debug info would be gone which we frequently use to debug stuff ourselves.

After two minutes:

E (engineer): fixed it.
V (boss): wait, WHAT? HOW?! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND A FIX OR WORKAROUND FOR AGES!
E (with the mist nonchalant/serious face): I disabled the log mailing in the configuration.
B: 😶
B: .
B: .
B: .
B: 😂

Everyone was laughing. The client thanked us for 'solving' it xD

I have no words.

How to calculate walking distance

Km/m/inch ❌
3 songs ✔️