Linux is only free if your time has no value.

windows update code

function update(){
print("10%");
print("30%");
print("50%");
print("99%");
_doActualUpdate();
_mineBitcoin();
print("100%");
return;
}

Oh shit

Just came across this awesome 404 page of system76.com.

This is my motivation.

So Windows 10 Mobile seems like it wants to become true Windows and updates at night without any warning, illuminating my entire room

Random guy : Well I'm not tracked on the internet, I use private tabs.
Me : Well, I'm not sleeping with your mom, I use condoms

Update on my previous rants: finally got it working! after spending 2 days compiling the kernel and trying to fix some issues, I just reinstalled my laptop with a fresh antergos image, installed the kernel and both the speaker and headphones work just fine! no distortion, no weird chrome video speed ups, just works - it was probably just something I had installed ages ago to make external usb sound work.

I also used this opportunity to apply the missing grub theme and found this: https://gnome-look.org/content/... it's perfect with almost any custom background too.

Why is this a rant? well some asshat at gnome decided to remove the "global dark theme" option from tweaks, so now thousands of themes are broken if you want the dark theme, since the developers now have to offer the dark theme seperately, well numix-frost has had this reported since the 7th may and no response since, the hack to make it work is to replace the gtk.css with the dark equivalent gtk-dark.css for now..

This is from my days of running a rather large (for its time) Minecraft server. A few of our best admins were given access to the server console. For extra security, we also had a second login stage in-game using a command (in case their accounts were compromised). We even had a fairly strict password strength policy.
But all of that was defeated by a slightly too stiff SHIFT key. See, in-game commands were typed in chat, prefixed with a slash -- SHIFT+7 on German-ish keyboards. And so, when logging in, one of our head admins didn't realize his SHIFT key didn't register and proudly broadcast to the server "[Admin] username: 7login hisPasswordHere".
This was immediately noticed by the owner of a 'rival' server who was trying to copy some cool thing that we had. He jumped onto the console that he found in an nmap scan a week prior (a scan that I detected and he denied), promoted himself to admin and proceeded to wreak havoc.
I got a call, 10-ish minutes later, that "everything was literally on fire". I immediately rolled everything back (half-hourly backups ftw) and killed the console just in case.
The best part was the Skype call with that admin that followed. I wasn't too angry, but I did want him to suffer a little, so I didn't immediately tell him that we had good backups. He thought he'd brought the downfall of our server. I'm pretty sure he cried.

My worst nightmare:

it's not the code what's wrong during testing.

It's the unit tests themselves

*Lazy Friend has IntelliJ and Eclipse*
*Lazy Friend using Notepad++*
Me: Why don't you use IntelliJ? Its debugger really helps..
LF: It takes too much time to start, I don't have that much time..
*continues staring at his screen and using his mind debugger*

It's kinda funny when he just sits and stares at his screen after saying that he doesn't have any time..

It took way less time to find the (a?) bug when he finally used the debugger..

Problems with Android development

1. Android Studio is shitte
2. Android API is shitte
3. Gradle is shitte
4. Emulator is shitte
5. My life is shitte

Interviewer: "Do you know Xamarin?"
Me: "I mean I know C# but not app development"
Interviewer: "You're hired!"

Thats pretty much how my interview went

When you don't have money to pay a designer so you decide to do it by yourself.

It's my first try...

try {
❤
} catch(e) {
🍺
}

Waiting for this day....

Slack: "People can't work when we're down"

GitHub: "Hold my beer"

I imagine two dev colleagues sitting next to each other, on their phone, each feeling very secure in the anonymity of devrant.

Someone is mining Bitcoin in town

No credits, sorry

Me: IT call center.

Lady: Hi! I cant access the shared folder!

Me: Ok. I'll try and help you out. Whats happening when you click on it?

Lady: ok ok... {clicks}... Now it's asking me to entered my password. Should I enter it?

Me: Do you know it?

Lady: Yeah.

Me: yeah try entering it.

Lady: YES. That worked! Thank you so so much!!!

Me: No problem. Have a good day!

It's 2018, web developers, let get our tools on..

I was told during my initial interview that the book "Clean Code" is their Bible here.

And it's true. It's lying, unread in drawers and shelves all over the office.

It all makes sense now...

Do we google better ?😂🙈

Yo dawg, check out my fresh pimped homeoffice!

I have been a developer since I was 13 and this is the first time ever I feel complete :) Wish all of you even a better one than mine!

32, 34, 38, 46, 62, 94 and so on.

That moment when

LOL difference is clear

Girl: "hey"

My Brain:
java.lang.NullPointerException:
at net.brain.functions.Talk.retrieveSpeech(Talk.java:2978)
at net.brain.functions.Talk.createFlirtyResponse(Talk.java:3132)

Me: null

*Girl walks away*