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Joined devRant on 2/25/2018
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Conversing with developers can be frustrating.
Here is a good one from today. 2 people 1 women (let’s call her W) and one man (let’s call him M)
W: “Hey guys! Our team is looking for lots of great developers. Front end, back end, data, dev ops. At above market salaries with a great team! Reach out to me is you want to chat. I would love to hear from you.”
Translation: I have a great offer and want to help others achieve and strive in their careers.
M: “also, guys/less-gendered-alternative plz” proceeds to chastise this women about using the word guys.
Translation: I have no level of social awareness, but I have a need to feel big and important. So I’ll take offence for those who aren’t offended to make me feel better about my lack of fucking personality.
I’m not really concerned about opinions about the gender issue. It isn’t about that.
It’s just tiring dealing with these people’s bullshit.
It’s time to grow up folks, stop arguing on the fucking internet.
I also once saw a developer chastise 2 women we worked with while we were out for drinks for the exact same thing; using the word guys.
He was so busy “defending” them from themselves that he ended up making them uncomfortable and then they left.
He was saying “don’t exclude women” while fucking excluding the only women there.
What a fucking douche.5
Imagine if you will, a fictional world outside our own.
In this world, the requirement for getting a drivers licenses is 4 years of research into quantum mechanics.
- Was it interesting? Yeah.
- Did I learn it because I had to? Yup.
- Will I use the harmonic oscillation calculations of a particle when driving my car. Fuck no!
- Did it cost me an ungodly amount of money? It sure did!
- Will some dumb people still say it was useful because it is the minimum (fictional) barrier to entry for driving a car. You bet your sweet ass they will!!!
It was about as useful as any made up requirement, make-work, self-funding, circle-jerking, waste or time and money to feed the pockets of people who are too scared to do actual work so they teach, can be.
I paid all that money to be taught technology that was old when my mother was in school.
In the first year out of school, with only a $300 subscription to PluralSight some uDemy courses and hard work, I learned 100X as much as everything they put in front of me in school.
School has its place.
Children who don't understand the importance of learning and need their hand help.
Adult children (some of which on on their 3rd or 4th degree) who also need their hand held.
People too afraid to enter the real world.
I would do it again because it is the minimum requirement of entry, but thats nothing more than a bullshit make-work project.
Play their game as long as you need to. Keep your own game in mind. Don't drink the koolaid, just fake a sip. Then when the time is right, play by your own rules.
If you can get a chat with the CEO I would ask this question.
“From your vantage point, what do you see as your job as CEO?”
Anything less than a list of 10-50 different job responsibilities is a total pass. It shows the the CEO thinks he knows it all. Everyone can and should grow and it has to come from the top down.
If you don’t hear anything about building culture then this is a problem. If you do, then probe further.
If the CEO seems to give the impression that he is above answering this question for “someone in your position” then this is a big red flag.
In my view everything in a startup come from the top down, and shit runs up hill. Therefore the CEO has to not only perform every conceivable task but must have a desire to learn and grow. A CEO who doesn’t learn builds companies that don’t learn. Companies that don’t learn, fail.3
Looking for some advice from anyone who has used and transitioned away from Material-ui (React).
Tasked with removing the Material-ui used in our react project. Old team took shortcuts like using these types of frameworks at every step and the software is brittle.
Any advice from anyone who has ripped Material-ui out of a project.
We are doing this to move away from CSS-in-JS and this is conflicting with every fucking element in the fucking project.
<TextField> with it's special internal props
<Buttons> with its fucking "classes" prop that one take fucking CSS-in-JS
Any advice or just say some random shit or post a GIF for the lulz.
It’s a tie between every Ruby-On-Rails project I have ever seen that has been in production for more than a year...
So much goddamn magic
If your startups CEO is the major stakeholder, that’s great.
If your CEO is the major bottleneck, that’s a problem.
Don’t handcuff your employees. Instead enable them to work efficiently and effectively.
Just realized that at the time of posting this I have 4000 ++s
... 200 more and that’s, like, 10 * 420 maannnn4
Did you ever notice that the people playing music in public with a portable speaker always have the fucking worst taste I music?3
I see all these tools for the past few years claiming...
"build an app without writing code"
Great, if you want to build a prototype and then try to find a technical co-founder who can actually build something.
Otherwise, none of us need another shitty cookie-cutter app.
There is a 0% chance you can build anything that will scale without writing some code. Your best case scenario is you sell it to some sucker who doesn't understand that what they are buying is garbage.
I give those folks 3 options...
1. Find a technical co-founder
2. Learn to build software
3. Fuck off
Thinking you can build a software company without building actual quality software if fucking moronic.
Of course, that won't stop the thousands of business grads each year from trying and saying...
"I have such a great idea, I just need someone to build it"
Let's get things straight. You have nothing. NOTHING! You idea is worthless without execution.5
Interviewing a candidate for a dev position.
Interview is over and handshakes commence.
After the interview we have a debrief in a room that has hand sanitizer in it (just coincidence).
I squirt some and it comes out like a rocket ship; getting all over one of his resumes we printed. It looks like jizz...
One of the head guys walks in a says:
“I hope he didn’t hand you the resume like that.”
To which one of our ops people, let’s call her Sara, says...
“No, leanrob just REALLY likes his resume!!!”
> I almost fucking died from laughter3
If you want to talk about politics or religion at work, then you can expect a lot of disinterested nods and “sure”s from me before I leave the room.
I don’t care about your invisible man in the sky, I am here to do work. In fact, your invisible man in the sky can choke on my dick for all I care.
I don’t want to talk about to political cult. I’m here to work. Keep your sheep mentality to yourself.
I’m here to build fucking software, not to take on your insecurities and character flaws.4
A few interview tips from the other side of the table:
1. Bring a laptop
I mean come up man! Bring a laptop. Especially if there was some kind of project or challenge to present. I have seen so many people do a big UI design presentation and then come in like “can I use your laptop???”. Of course you can, but your looking very unprepared.
2. Ask for clarification
Communication problems happen in business every day. Different cultures and accents can cause issues. The important part isn’t wether you understand everything said but that you ask enough questions to make sure you eventually understand. Most people just wrongly assume things and start rambling.
3. Know what kind of company you and talking to
In my case, this is a startup. We aren’t IBM or Amazon or Google. We work hard and we play hard. Work life balance is important in life but if your very first question is “work/life balance???” then you played yourself. Wait a bit, pepper it in on the sly. Just don’t ask it right away, it shows us that you aren’t ready to work harder than usual if needed. Maybe try “so how do you like working here? How are the people, hours etc?” Or something besides the first question being a bad signal.
Just some random tips for an interviewer.
From me to you, don’t make me have to tell you like DJ Khalid would ...
Congratulations, you played yourself.23
Alright, this is a new one to me, and wow am I blown away.
Working on upgrading an API that I did not build. Getting things running well enough and then an endpoint (which runs well enough in the tests) returns a `418 I'm a teapot`
Yeah, you read that right "I'm a (motherfucking) teapot"
The description is that...
"refuses to make coffee because it is a teapot"
It was an April fools joke in the beginning.
I couldn't return that error if I tried!
This shit is bizarre.
For your reading pleasure:
Quality vs Opinion
I have a feeling that these things have always been at odds with each other and now with the constant connectedness it has just become more apparent that most people don’t understand the difference (or even realize there is a difference for that matter)
Let’s face it. Most people have awful taste. They listen to whatever new music their radio station decides was hot. They watch whatever show everyone else is watching. They are manipulated by large scale news organizations...
Basically, most people are sheep.
The problem is that sheep are a dangerous combination of loud and stupid. Giving these loud stupid sheep a platform to amplify their voice is a bad idea for a society, but a great tool for the pigs to manipulate them.
“Frightened though they were, some of the animals might possibly have protested, but at this moment the sheep set up their usual bleating of "Four legs good, two legs bad," which went on for several minutes and put an end to the discussion.”
This isn’t confined to one political party or view, it isn’t geographic, it isn’t based on education, it isn’t based on wether a person is ethical or not...
You can translate “four legs good, two legs bad” into Agent Orange and his followers chanting “lock her up” just as well as it could be translated into the angry leaders of the modern feminist movement.
In both cases (both on opposite ends of the ethical spectrum) you have the loudest dumb, angry sheep getting the even dumber sheep to chant along, wether it is good for them or not.
Now to loop this back. The problem is that dumb sheep are emotional. They truly believe that they are NOT dumb and that their opinions and emotions are a measure of quality.
I FEEL bad, and you are talking to me, so you must BE bad.
I don’t LIKE this amazingly well made movie, so it must BE bad.
And anyone else who has a different opinion is just wrong. Anyone who try’s to explain the merits of the other side is either my enemy or is stupid.
Their opinion, incorrect.
Now for the tough part...
Most likely, based on probability, you are a sheep.
Yes, you! The smartest person you know. The guy/girl who has a degree or masters of a PHD. The person who builds amazing software. You! Are. A. Sheep. And you are dangerous to the world.
To put a cherry on top.
No, you opinions are not important. Your feelings are fucking meaningless. Your morals are worthless. Your voice has as much value and a loose asshole fart from a fat guy trapped in a deep well in Siberia.
But don’t get down about this. It’s doesn’t make you any less of a person. Remember that almost every person who has ever lived in history has been a sheep. They have chanted one useless, dangerous, misguided, harmful chant after another through the ages.
To those of you who try not to be sheep. Just keep trying to get a little better every day. When someone says...
“We do it this way because we have always done it this way”
... be skeptics. Explore the merits and logic of the situation.
And if you are tired of being led by stupid sheep then save some money, build something cool and start your own business.
Just remember, you will always need the sheep. They will be your employees, your friends, your bosses, your investors etc.
Treat them well, don’t hate them, and if you ever find yourself leading a pack of sheep then try to keep a healthy distance from their chanting while leading them down the right path.
They will thank you for it in the end.
PS. For those of you thinking “this is very judgemental and self centred”
All I can do is to try to speak your language....
Baaaahhhhh, baaahhhhh, bahhhhh
Which translates form sheep to human as...
“Eat a dick. Have a nice day”
Watching reviewers on a website review the new Eminem album 12 hours after its release is like watching a 10 year old review a scientific paper by Stephen Hawking with a quick skim.
Yes, the child should be entitled to their opinion. But No, no one with any sense should be listening to this child’s opinion.
If you gave a lil pump “album” a 7/10 and Kamikaze a 4/10 then your opinion is invalid, end of story.
But it’s all good. 95% of people are stupid and that’s just how it works, it’s nothing to be angry about. Just try to be in the 5%.
End of rant.8
I have been wondering if there is a way to use social media in a positive way.
Since high school (when Facebook first started) I knew that this social media was a cancer.
From what I know there is no positive use for cancer, and I’m pretty sure that the same is true for social media.
But to be honest, it is a tool that is very effective in manipulating the masses. In fact, it is likely the greatest tool for leading sheep to slaughter since religion. I’m always looking to take advantage of every tool at my disposal.
Tools shouldn’t be seen as good of bad, so I am going to have to accept it is a tool of great power and use it. Hopefully I can use it in a positive way, but that doesn’t look likely...1
“Do or do not, there is no try”
- Yoda, when developing in Rust
Also, my mobile is stuck to always make things a question @dfox
I think it is saving it from an old rant... maybe1
I know this isn’t dev related at all but...
Nor is it a question, as my fat finger set it to...
Eminem just dropped a surprise album at midnight last night. No promotion, no bullshit. Just straight hip hop.
And the album cover is a throw back to the beastie boys!
If you can’t tell already, I am super pumped about this!!!19
I just got Jenkins all setup locally, setup the first pipeline, get docker working with it, setup the build step, setup the test step and more.
In under an hour.
Not too bad for the first attempt.
The hardest part was figuring out the GitHub credentials.
Actually, the hardest part was keeping an eye on the dude in the booth next to me who has delusions of grandeur and likely other mental illnesses.
Had to keep an eye on him while he was pointing around the room (usually at me) and saying shit like...
“Ugly, ugly, all of you are fucking ugly”
“Fuck you, fuck you too!”
I’m sitting over here thinking...
“Bud, you got 3 teeth, you smell like shit and your rambling to yourself... fuck you you ugly piece of dog shit! Let me do my work I peace.”4
I just setup Jenkins locally for the first time to do some CI/CD for a project using docker. Then I upgraded the container to the latest version of Jenkins.
I am liking it so far but haven’t really setup anything significant yet.
Any of you ranters have experience with Jenkins?
- would you recommend it. Pros/cons?
- what resources did you use to setup and expand your pipelines?
- any experience with Google Cloud Platform and Jenkins.
These are kind of open ended questions to start a discussion on the topic.
Jenkins will be used at least for deploying the front end built in React. I may also use it for deployment if the Golang API but that uses Kubernetes at the moment.
Me: walks into a coffee shop and orders a latte
Barista-1: can you cover for me tomorrow.
Barista-2: I am busy with family. Do you have plans?
B-2: are you sick?
B-1: yeah! My throat hurts soooo much and I can hardly breath!
B-2: ahhhhh. That’s too sad.
B-1: commences to make my latte while breaking heavily into it.
Me: Walks the fuck away.
Fuck. That. Shit.
The $6 it costs for that latte isn’t worth missing a week of paying work with the flu!
I got no time for that type of shit. Stay the fuck home for fuck sakes.10
Everybody seems to fuck it up. (Most ignore it entirely)
Everybody seems to undervalue it’s importance. (Its value cannot be overstated)
Everybody seems to think it is a luxury for successful companies. (Instead of being a major part of what got them their success)
Everybody seems to think having beer in the fridge is culture, or some other perk. (I like beer and shit, but that’s not culture unless your company makes fucking beer!)
Everybody seems to think that a value statement is culture. (Your employees don’t give a fuck if you want to “provide value to X industry)
And guess, fucking, what...
Everyone is wrong. That’s why 9/10 startups fail, because the founders and CEO are dumbasses.
Here’s some pretty simple advice for life...
“Don’t be a fucking dumbass”
Sometime I’m developing in Rust and I do something wrong.
Then I look at the terminal and it says...
“You did X, did you mean to do Y”
Then I do it and it works perfectly, and I’m like...
Why do I even have a job if the compiler is this good?7
I just opened an Instagram live video for the first time. It was a video from Snoop Dogg and I thought...
“I can almost smell the chronic he is smoking on”
... then I remember I live in Vancouver BC and that smell is the 80 year old man and his wife smoking a joint at the crosswalk.
—> I like the place I live :)
I was working on a project, it was a race to the finish.
We are all on very little sleep, like none. Everyone is in a haze.
Last minute a bug comes up that we cannot explain. One of a lead guys say he will handle it but we can see him degrading.
We left him alone, until he comes out of the quite room looking like a scolded child.
“I can’t do it guys... I really can’t. I’m stuck and I can’t do it. I gotta go for a walk...”
As he walks away I say...
“Did you push your branch? I’ll have a look”
Now to be honest, I’m fucking running on fumes at this point as well. So I start to think... what’s the low hanging fruit here?
Spelling mistakes. Brackets. Shit like that.
It was a spelling mistake.
When he walked out of the building we were a fucking mess. When he walked in we were all high-fiving.
He looked at me and said...
“What was it?”
I said, “it was a really strange little error but I got it fixed.”
The guy, who is NOT the touchy feely type, hugs me like I saved his life. And in his ear I whispered...
“It was a spelling mistake” then I winked at him.
We high fived, released the fucking code and never spoke of it again. (Except laughing over a few beer)
I felt like a fucking super hero2
When I was in high school Facebook was just coming out and it was...
- a way for the cool kids to exclude anyone they didn’t like from a visible social circle.
When I was in university Facebook was taking over the world and it was...
- a place for your mom to embarrass you and your racist aunt/uncle to make uncomfortable racist comments.
Today Facebook is...
- a serious threat to society itself. A direct threat to truth and the enemy of the press.
And yet most of these weak-minded, short-term dopamine addicts are still sucking Facebook’s flaccid cock.
To loosely quote iceberg slim...
A real pimp can eye a bitch and gauge right away how much mileage she has...
“That hoe is good for 500 fucks”
Once the mileage runs out the bitch gets strung out and you gotta let her go.
I wonder how many more likes these dopamine-driven Facebook hoes have left in them? I wonder?
Ps. Yes, Facebook is a pimp and every time you look at it you are a hoe. You give up the preverbal pussy to them, they sell your pussy to the ticks (advertisers) and then you get fucked, getting just enough dopamine so that your fine with them selling your pussy for profit.8
At the airport.
Security: Please put all your electronics in the bin, including your watch.
Me: No problem
<goes through scanner>
Me: there was an Apple Watch in here and now it is gone.
Security: Oh, you lost your Apple Watch?
Me: No! I put my Apple Watch in the bin like you instructed and YOU lost my Apple Watch.
Security: It must be in the spinners.
Me: So my $500 Watch is in the spinners being run over by bins?
Security: you have to put the small things on the bottom.
Me: It was on the bottom and I did as you asked, this is entirely on you. Do not try to shift the blame to me again please.
Security: As I said...
Me: As I said, Do not try to shift the blame to me again. This is entirely your responsibility once you separate me from my electronics so you can perform security theatre. Have a nice day.
Fuck this god damn security theatre. Fuck the dumbasses they hire. Fuck your country. Fuck your god damn feeling of insecurity. Fuck Your ineffective security theatre.
Sick my fucking dick until you choke and gag you worthless pieces of shit. Homeless people the street provide more security than you incompetent, under-educated assholes. Fuck you
And yes, I have 2 fucking laptops. I have a real fucking job where I provide actual value and for that I need a work laptop. I don’t come to work in a stupid looking outfit with a chip on my shoulder looking to inconvenience people. I come to work to provide real value to someone.
Fuck you and your worthless bullshit46