A client called me today saying their custom website I built for them is down. It just shows a 403 error now. They said they just wanted to update the prices. I asked what changes they made before it crashed. She said, "I couldn't figure out how to change the prices, so I just installed Wordpress, and now it doesn't work!" They completely deleted the entire website using cPanel and replaced it with a partially installed Wordpress.🤦

No-code platforms always like to forget that writing the code is *literally* the easiest part of software development 🙄

Companies asking if your desired salary is negotiable.

😢 ..damn true...

How documentation works

Found that a bit funny.

Filling a form :

Normal Person
Name: Jim Jennings
Comment: Nice Post

Developer
Name: asfsafsadsa
Comment: asfsafsadsa dsad sdfs fa

How Programmers review code

Give that man some HUGE FUCKING COOKIES!

Manager: Why haven’t you shipped any code today? It’s almost lunch.

Dev: Stuck on a bug

Manager: I’ll help you

Dev: Please don—

Manager: Have you tried thinking outside the box?

Dev: …Dear god please end my existence

Manager: You could try stack overflow too, have you ever used that site before?

Dev: 😮 🔫

Manager: Also sometimes bugs are caused by npm modules so rule that out first

Dev: *On knees praying to Zues for forgiveness and/or conveiniently placed lightning strike*

“Yeah but you’re not a *real* developer”

Fuck. you.

I wrote 80% of this code base. I do 80% of the tickets/storyboard points. I do all of the QA. My nose is to the grindstone every fucking day honing this craft and sweating my balls off like a blacksmith staring into the red hot kiln while the sores of previous mistakes scream bloody murder from the unrelenting exposure to heat. I saw this amazing industry of opportunity, freedom and self examination and wanted in no matter what it took. I glued myself to every pithy resource I could possibly get my hands on and crawled through the muck and filth of it all until I could keep myself warm with the smallest spark of my own making. I stoked that spark until it became a fire and stoked that fire until I could set entire forests ablaze. I listened to the ungrateful people keeping warm by my combustion saying it “wasn’t hot enough” or “would have been a nicer colour if they did it” or “could have warmed up just fine jogging on the spot”. I made painstaking alterations to my ignition and watched my undeserving benefactors gradually be silenced and begin to sit quietly by the heat. I jumped into that inferno daily, was reduced to ash daily and emerged reborn daily. But you are right! I didn’t get scammed out of $40k+ studying technology in an archaic institution from instructors who don’t give a shit and answering “D all of the above” for 4+ years straight therefor my opinion doesn’t mean shit. Push your bullshit to prod and watch the server come burning out of the cloud as the apocalyptic swarm of angry tickets come flooding in why don’t you? Bet they didn’t teach you that in school. You’ve never poked around inside an open source codebase in your life. They are just a mystery boxes of magic that unless someone holds your hands with finely crafted instructions containing a 50/50 picture to word ratio you throw a hissy fit. Every problem that comes up instead of working to solve it you reflexively point to the first person in the room while thinking with your pea brain how you can possibly scapegoat them into taking the fall for whatever it is that’s come up today you couldn’t possibly understand.

Not a real developer?

Fuck. You.

Let's get rid of the developer training: Pair Programming

Let's get rid of the software testers: Test First Programming

Let's get rid of the project managers: Agile

Let's get rid of the project planners: Scrum

Let's get rid of the system admins: DevOps

Let's get rid of the security guys: DevOpsSec

Let's get rid of the hardware budget: Bring Your Own Device

Let's get rid of the servers: Cloud Computing

Let's get rid of the other scruffy guys: Outsourcing

Let's get rid of the office space: Home Office

Let's get rid of the whole fucking company: Takeover

I'm really down.
I spent 10 years building on an application worth 800K$ revenue per year.

I tried to build a technical team. All left, because of fights with stupid account managers, CEO, business managers.

I was left alone for almost one year alone, working like 60-70 hours per week to keep the things going and adapt to more customers.

And looking for potential partners to outsource things.

Now out of the blue, 3 weeks before my summer holiday, investors introduce me to a "partner" that will rent to us a "developer" for 2 months. from tomorrow.
What the fuck I'm gonna do with him in 2 weeks I don't know.
Actually I understand that this "partner" will take over the whole project.

They used the word "to help me", but actually during the meeting they said to fix things that are not working, and to develop new features because the project is blocked.

Of course there are bugs, I have no developers with me and hundred of features and integrations to maintain. And of course everything is blocked because I have to think hard about priorities.

I feel humiliated in the worst way.
I don't know what will be my future position.
I wasted time contacting potential partners and the answer was always "there are no money".

The business strategist, entered one year ago and said "no more IT investment".

Basically as cofounder and cto (of myself), they will not fire me, if I stay silent. If I accept to be a puppet. And eat, eat eat a lot of shit. I'll grow fat from the shit I'll eat.
I feel I've lost all my hard work, and I'm alone.

-Welcome to our entry level positing with Xyz company. I know we told your recruiter we are very hands on with developers. But we aren’t. Also you will be the only developer and there is no team.

-uh…. Okay..

-for the first part of your interview we are going to have you write a program in node that will reach out to our api and sort medical data with our clients.

-so you want me to create something live, and you’re going to be using it before you hire me in the actual work place?

-if it works, yes. Then we will decide on if we will hire you or not.

Wtaf?

Since Microsoft is racist and is trying to remove the "master" term on GitHub to "fix the World" I hope they won't forget about the "master" volume in the audio settings of Windows.

So cool remembering the day i recieved the free stickers. One of the first here in devrant.

Wait.. what??

This is how I feel most of my client proposal start:

* It's simple, I'd like to re-invent <the wheel>.

* All I want to do is use <rocketship engine> on <old typewriter>.

* I'm too cheap to hire a full-time < DBA, DevOps engineer, development team>. Can I pay you pennies?

* I'm poor and broke, can you do this for free?

* I'd like to <commit illegal act> and be <legal compliant standard>.

* I heard it was possible to <fly 30 people to the moon> using <Ford Model-T>. Please do this for us.

* I <sold my house>, but now <I'm locked out by the new owners>. Please help.

javascript...

There's one in every office

Sporadic news, now that I have a decent chunk:

AMD's stock price closes higher than Intel's (https://marketwatch.com/story/...)

a Mega Man live-action film is in the works (https://rockman-corner.com/2020/07/...)

T-Mobile will require all devices to have LTE (https://androidpolice.com/2020/07/...)

Patch any ASUS routers you have (https://nakedsecurity.sophos.com/20...)

Emotet is being fucked with (https://zdnet.com/article/...)

Garmin devices are being fucked (https://cnn.com/cnn/2020/...)

Bitcoin is now officially a currency (https://news.bloomberglaw.com/us-la...)

Sonic Movie 2 is comig in 2022 (https://cbr.com/sonic-the-hedgehog-...)

ARM may be totally controlled by Nvidia soon (https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/...)

and the Republican Party is trying to ban the Democrats (either the name or wholly) because racism. (https://foxnews.com/politics/...)

fuck this year seriously

fuck people who need to be hacked to care about security.

i hope everyone who used that early ap scores gets their credit cards stolen because they don't know how to use a vpn.

Lol..😀

OFFICE 365 IS FUCKIN DOGSHIT, I CAN’T EVEN LOGIN TO FUCKING OUTLOOK BECAUSE MS WAY OF GIVING ME THE 2FA WAS SO VAGUE AND RANDOM

I FUCKING HATE MS TEAMS

I FUCKING HATE AZURE DEVOPS

I FUCKING HATE MSSQL

I FUCKING MS

Dumbest arrow key design ever.

Oh for crying out loud, Github is stopping with the term 'master' due to its 'negative association'.

Can we please not pull everything out of goddamn context and not be a fucking offended special snowflake with ANYTHING that could potentially be thought of in a way that could be associated with slavery?!

If we're gonna do it like this I want to ask people of color not to use white/light themed websites/backgrounds.

bath time...

JIRA. Fucking JIRA. Everybody just fucking hates it. It tops the list of shit pieces of software by a fair margin, followed by JIRA in second place and JIRA in 3rd. It's fucking unusable without superpowers and endless patience. It does whatever it goddamn pleases and randomly sends your precious input that you so carefully crafted anxiously avoiding to press one wrong key to the happy hunting grounds.

Fuck you, JIRA.
- Every developer. Really every.