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Joined devRant on 7/4/2016
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My dumb CEO just hired an even dumber CTO. The new CTO asked me the following questions...
1. What is GitHub?
2. What is JSON?
3. What’s an array?
4. What is Get and what is Post?
5. When an iPhone is offline, can it call an API on our server to tell us it’s offline?
6. I know you’ve spent 11 month the writing this backend in PHP but can you change it to Java now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because it’s better.
Me: How?
Dumb CTO: because it is.
7. I know you’ve started to rewrite this codebase I Java but can you convert it to Node.JS now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because Facebook uses it.
8. What is MySQL? Why aren’t you using a database instead?
9. What does NULL mean?
Somehow, I doubt that asshole is remotely qualified for the job.
Fakin shyt for brains.180 -
On Slack
Me: I can't access the VPN
Network team: You have to create a user incident
My browser: 403
Network team: Yeah you need to be on the VPN to access the incident system
Me: 😐18 -
I actually just wanted to say - what a great time it is to be a developer.
C# has stolen so many good features now that it's pretty awesome.
JavaScript and typescript are really fun to work with.
I really love angular.
Docker is great!
I can setup pipelines and deploy an angular app for free and really easily with github-pages.
I can use linux inside windows.
I can use cloud providers to do all sorts for really cheap.
I can plug my cable-free oculus quest VR headset into my laptop and build a game pretty easily with unity (thanks to all the great oculus helper prefabs).
I can use tesseract and data science technology inside my browser!!
And I can go to medium and udemy and learn all sorts of things.
Honestly...
Just saying.
I'm actually really loving being a developer right now.
And if I do have off day, I can rant on here!24 -
You can't even make this shit up.
The British NCSC is stopping with the terms "blacklist" and "whitelist" because it would be racist...
Fucking oversensitive cocksuckers.24 -
Java script is like an angry girlfriend who won't tell you what is wrong.
This shit happened today.
Me: somearray.includes[stuff];
JS: I'm alright everything is fine.
Me: no it's not, Clearly the feature is not working.
JS:* silence*
Me: Fine be that way.. * spends lot of time debugging finally finds the issue*...oh shit.
Me: somearray.includes(stuff);
JS: I SAID NO TRAILING SPACE IN END OF THE LINE YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT NO TRAILING FUCKING SPACES AAAAHHHH!!!7 -
Co-worker presented her work by sharing her screen. She forgot to unshare.
She proceeded to open Chrome and search: "Can I sue co-worker if I get coronavirus because he coughed?"
Another employee said: "Your screen is showing" :/13 -
My company went remote since the outbreak, surprisingly, more work was getting done, so we are completely remote.3
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You know what, I'm out of devRant until Coronavirus is over. I can't take one more repost of the TCP UDP handshake shit.8
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I have no idea why the server does this, but everytime I Ctrl+C a process it prints a unicode heart out.11
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My lead keeps pushing commits to master. His commit messages vary from: no message, yeah, and yup.
and yea, some of the build break master.
Makes me just wanna die sometimes when digging through our commit history to figure out when a bug was introduced.27 -
Rantish story time!
Today I impressed myself. I was told in all seriousness by a PM "couldn't we do this API in HTML?" and kept a straight face. Even though he doubled down, following with "oh, do you think the language isn't powerful enough?".
Good times!11 -
FML. An overreaching supergenius "architect" and a database team:
A: "We have decided that apps should use mysql. Install a MySQL so we match cloud"
DBA: "we don't have an image or experience with MySQL. We have mssql and Oracle "
A: "ok, use mssql in data center and mysql in production cloud"
DBA: "that's... not going to work well"
A: "just do it!"
...
Me, reading this shit, sends email: "ignoring the fact that we have more than 500 queries in this application which will need to be checked and most likely rewritten, how are we supposed to test the mysql queries without production access?"
A: "just use mssql local and MySQL in cloud"
M: "... Just to make sure I understand, you want us to write queries for mssql, test them locally, and then write separate queries, with a separate SQL connection abstraction that deploys to production? Again, how are we going to test this?"
A: "no, use same queries, should be fine"
M: "they really won't, they're different dialects"
A: "do the needful, make work!"
If karma were a thing, this person would have long since exploded into a cloud of atomized blood.18 -
I fucking hate this cute little hack my company thinks it's found where if they schedule a meeting at lunchtime in the lunchroom they think it counts as a lunch break9
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We're in fucking 2020, and a C++ program still can't be compiled if there's a space or a non latin symbol in the path.
Seems like clients are not the only one living in the stone age.10 -
"You gave us bad code! We ran it and now production is DOWN! Join this bridgeline now and help us fix this!"
So, as the author of the code in question, I join the bridge... And what happens next, I will simply never forget.
First, a little backstory... Another team within our company needed some vendor client software installed and maintained across the enterprise. Multiple OSes (Linux, AIX, Solaris, HPUX, etc.), so packaging and consistent update methods were a a challenge. I wrote an entire set of utilities to install, update and generally maintain the software; intending all the time that this other team would eventually own the process and code. With this in mind, I wrote extensive documentation, and conducted a formal turnover / training season with the other team.
So, fast forward to when the other team now owns my code, has been trained on how to use it, including (perhaps most importantly) how to send out updates when the vendor released upgrades to the agent software.
Now, this other team had the responsibility of releasing their first update since I gave them the process. Very simple upgrade process, already fully automated. What could have gone so horribly wrong? Did something the vendor supplied break their client?
I asked for the log files from the upgrade process. They sent them, and they looked... wrong. Very, very wrong.
Did you run the code I gave you to do this update?
"Yes, your code is broken - fix it! Production is down! Rabble, rabble, rabble!"
So, I go into our code management tool and review the _actual_ script they ran. Sure enough, it is my code... But something is very wrong.
More than 2/3rds of my code... has been commented out. The code is "there"... but has been commented out so it is not being executed. WT-actual-F?!
I question this on the bridge line. Silence. I insist someone explain what is going on. Is this a joke? Is this some kind of work version of candid camera?
Finally someone breaks the silence and explains.
And this, my friends, is the part I will never forget.
"We wanted to look through your code before we ran the update. When we looked at it, there was some stuff we didn't understand, so we commented that stuff out."
You... you didn't... understand... my some of the code... so you... you didn't ask me about it... you didn't try to actually figure out what it did... you... commented it OUT?!
"Right, we figured it was better to only run the parts we understood... But now we ran it and everything is broken and you need to fix your code."
I cannot repeat the things I said next, even here on devRant. Let's just say that call did not go well.
So, lesson learned? If you don't know what some code does? Just comment that shit out. Then blame the original author when it doesn't work.
You just cannot make this kind of stuff up.105 -
List of things that my fucking corporate proxy blocks
* Maven
* The NPM registry
* Github
List of things that aren't blocked
* Google drive
* Twitter
* Porn
Half my mobile data is burned away by NPM sinkholes. Fuck this place.20 -
There’s no reason to keep using Windows. Don’t buy games that don’t offer a Linux version. Don’t take jobs that require you use Windows. Eventually as people refuse, businesses will follow or lose out 😁😁😁24