More You know

Throughout my career I've blocked a total of three toxic clients.

They still find me via email.

Most recently, I've gotten an email simply asking "how does BitBucket work and how can I use it?"

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!

not dev but holy fuck 😂

I am also tired of this fucking life slaving away to pay taxes to pedophiles until i die

Pure art.

- Cookie warnings
- Autoplay videos
- "It's better on the app!"
- Surprise paywall
- Newsletter popups
- "Sorry, this content is not available in your region!"
- Lazily paraphrasing another website without disclosing the source in an obvious way
- Anti-adblock popups
- "Become a pro-member today: starting at $4.99/month!"
- "Sign up here to get my free e-book! :)"
- "keep reading" button to load the rest of the damn article
- "We have a podcast!"
- ...

I hate the current state of the web.

//////

Today I saw a code written by my junior. Basically excel export. The laravel excel package provide great ways for optimization.

My junior instead did 6 times loop to modify the data before giving that data to the export package. We need to export around 50K users.

When I asking him why this ? He said it works and it's fast so what the issue ???

Noob , you have only 100 users in the database and production has 10 million.

Sometime I just want to kill him.

User: *Clicks on staging environment*

Giant Warning Dialog: YOU ARE CURRENTLY ENTERING THE STAGING ENVIRONMENT

Users: Ok

App: *Completely different colour, I’m talking bright unsightly yellow*

User: Ok

Giant Yellow and Red Flashing Banner at the Top of the Screen: WARNING YOU ARE CURRENTLY USING STAGING, THIS AREA IS FOR TESTING ONLY

User: The production environment sure is acting strange today. It’s a weird colour and I don’t recognize any of the data, it’s all just dummy filler data. I better create a ticket for the dev team to check o—….. no wait I’ll send an email CC everyone including the CEO and sound the alarm production is currently down and filled with giant warning messages.

Manager: OH MY GOD PRODUCTION IS DOWN DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS??? WHAT THE FUCK COULD THESE WARNING MESSAGES BE THAT’S ONLY SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN ON STAGING! THE CEO IS BREATHING DOWN MY NECK YOU NEED TO GET THIS FIXED IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!

Dev: …

*PM on drugs*

PM: The destination list on our Infinity Rider app is not updating even after the user changes their pickup location.

Me: ???

PM: Infinity App not updating after pick up point change.

Me: Not really sure what you mean... Can I get a screen record?

PM: {{sends screen record}}

PM: You see it's showing results of old search. Not good!!!

Me: {{Watch media half way through and saw the obvious}}

Me: Results on available destination are relative to the user's current location and not the pickup address.

PM: Why would that be? Not good enough!

Me: You actually requested that implementation after I had previously made the destination recommendation list relative to selected pickup address.

PM: Please revert immediately!!!

Me: Hmmm... You told me the reason why that implementation was needed was to prevent users from selecting interstate addresses because they could.

PM: Ooh true. You can leave as is.

PM: {{proceeds to delete all older messages but last}}

Me: (⊙_⊙)

{{ 4 hours later }}

PM: I think we need to look into this implementation a second time.

Adobe buys Figma for 20 billion
RIP figma

Oh btw
Wife got her first dev-job

I tried Tiktok.
Immediately my fyp appears to be 18 year old girls doing cringe-worthy miming and people half my age telling me how I can earn over $3k per month using Canva.

...aaaaand...delete.

Well, we will keep this for now...

As we currently see a lot of codeless software platform, in the next 10 years there is gonna be high demand for people to extend these shitty apps into something proper, just like it happened with wordpress. There is a key missunderstanding that writing code and developing an application are the same thing; they are not.
Once you can write code you sure ass aren't a developer, thats a grueling journey until then, and being able to create an application without code exaggerates the problem even further.

Micromanager: “@Root, you need to do <thing>! It’s important, and very unprofessional if you don’t. Bad things can happen if you don’t do the thing. You need to get into the habit of doing the thing.”

@Root: Already does the thing.
Micromanager’s boss: Doesn’t do the thing.
Micromanager: Doesn’t do the thing.
Team: Doesn’t do the thing.

Micromanager: “You need to work on your reputation, @Root!”

>Firefox randomly freezes
>Opens taskmanager
>spots Cortana running but "suspended"
>kills Cortana
>Firefox unfreezes

DAFAK MICROSOFT, GO FUCK OFF WITH YOUR FUCKING USELESS PIECE OF SHIT CORTANA

old but funny ...

*CTO in panic, as always, invites everyone to the war room*

CTO: We have a MAJOR problem where 0.0001% of our customers are not receiving SMS confirmations.

Me: Cool. But, 0.0001% is very less compared to the other problems we are solving.

CTO: You don't understand, this is critical issue that needs to be addressed immediately.

Me: But even those.0.0001% customers are receiving e-mail confirmations, so this is not even blocker as we have other channels working.

CTO: I am emotional at this point. You need to prioritise this now.

Me: Okay, do we know the root cause of this problem?

Engineering head: we have blacklisted those numbers in past as our system detected them abusing our platform.

Me: Cool. Let's whitelist them, nothing much to worry here.

CTO: Floyd, you need to understand that 0.0001% of the customers are not receiving the SMS and the solution you are proposing is incorrect.

Me: Okay, what do you suggest?

CTO: We stop sending the SMS to all the customers.

Everyone on the call: 😨

The real reason that i started using split keyboards

Just very diplomatically told the VP of Engineering to kick rocks (fuck off) for calling me at nearly 9pm to talk about project planning for a thing that isn’t even in active development.

Asked point blank if we were dealing with a life or death thing. He said no. I replied “then we can talk about this tomorrow”.

He balks and tries to tell me how important it is.

I cut him off “I wasn’t asking you, I am telling you it’s a quarter to 9 and I’m at a bar. This call is over. We’ll talk tomorrow. Good NIGHT”. With as much aggression and pissed off emphasis as I could muster on the ending.

Stay tuned to find out if I still have a job after this.

Found this potential solution to your boss problems on reddit:

Got a mail from a recruiter.... offering me a role in a company......where I'm currently working....in the said role.

A developer and his new projects

Habits to curtail

Habit I'm trying to fix?
Doing it all myself. I've been timeboxing my problems and forcing myself to ask instead of forcing myself to just figure it out myself. Communication isn't my strong point.

"We're a team!"

"We need to work together!"

...product managers, sheesh

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Oh you're a frontend guy? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're a backend guy too? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're a security guy too? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're a devops guy too? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're a QA guy too? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're an SEO guy too? Good, we need one of those.

"Well, sorry to say fullStackCraft, but we found your cloud architecture skills just a little too lacking for this position. We really need someone who can do frontend, backend, security audits, QA assessments, SEO, AND build scaling cloud architecture. Oh and while you're at it, can you turn fucking water into gold? We need that at our company too. You didn't get the position, but it'd be great if you could refer us to someone who is very advanced in fucking alchemy. Thanks!"

Absolutely toxic the way software people are treated I swear. The money may be the only good thing that is left.

Dev: So how do you want this feature fixed?

Manager: It should work how it worked before.

Dev: I'm new to this feature, I don't know how it worked before or what is broken about it.

Manager: Well just make it work like it worked before.

Dev: I DONT KNOW HOW IT WORKED BEFORE THAT IS WHY I AM ASKING YOU. PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN DO MY JOB.

Manager: Just how it worked before!

Dev: ...

Manager: ...

Dev: fuck you