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Search - "burnout help"
WHY THE FUCK DOES IT HAVE TO END?
WHY THE FUCK DOES ANYTHING HAVE TO EVER END?
When I left my previous employer, I was so connected to people there. In fact my entire direct team was just few months old.
I ended up crying like a baby on my farewell call in front of everyone. I just couldn't stop.
Definitely not the brightest or smartest people, but surely great at heart. I did hate them at times and we had our ups and downs but they made the place tolerable.
The work culture is created by colleagues at any organisation and not the leadership/management. And work culture was one of the major reasons why I stayed back for 7.25 years even when a rat was earning more than me.
I joined new organisation with a big smile on my face that, I will learn and earn more. And as I was buckling up, my lead quit.
She was one of the smartest person I met. She inspired me so fucking much. Our entire team is geographically located in multiple time zones. Still she never hesitated to jump on calls as early as 07:00 AM or as late as 12:00 AM. Yet she pinged me every time on Slack to check on me and made sure I was doing well. Kept pushing me to get enough sleep, take care and not burnout myself. Always handling her daughter while on calls with us without impacting the discussions.
She taught me like her own child. So patient with a retard like me. Gave me good feedback and insights on how can I grow as a person and what all to look for in the organisation.
She bids her final goodbye early next week and with every meeting we have, I get more emotional. Doesn't feel like we are in different continents but just in same room, talking like we have known each other for years.
And you know what, after joining this org, I came to know that they hired me for a level below what I was in previous org (because how the job titles were structured here and I don't really care for titles). The product I am working on is highly ambitious and everyone is keen to make it live.
And now everything falls on me. Kickass opportunity to get a promotion, relocation, good hike, and all that I desire. And my employer is known to be quite employee friendly to actually fullfil all my wishes.
But that's not what I want. I want my people with me. It would have been so fucking awesome if she wouldn't have quit and together we would have built the product and have had so much fun doing so.
I am sure, the reason of my death will be empathy. I am next to tears while I type this.
I suck at goodbyes. Even though, with the help of technology, people are and will be connected, but still goodbyes are the shittiest things to ever exist.12
I'm unbelievably angry. So please bear with my venting.
QA guy and I are stuck working the entire weekend. A few months ago our company decided to promote an account manager to a Product/Project management role with 0 experience and offering them 0 training. They have no experience working with devs and have been making our lives hell. I work easily 50-60hrs per week and they still budget projects according to 40hrs/week meaning they're stealing my time not to mention they're incorrectly setting the client's and company's expectations.
They now have complete control over roadmaps, client communications (this wouldn't normally be bad except that they're having technical discussions with the client with 0 tech experience), timelines, etc. and since their experience was in account management they are now working with devs but making decisions that exclusively put the client first at all costs, even if it means everyone else has to work weekends while they go on vacation!!!!
I've approached them several times to offer help on budgeting time or to propose that we do a Q4 planning so that we can improve the product instead of stay in a shitty position as we are. I'm responded with "You deal with what's in front of you. It's my job to look at the bigger picture."
They mismanaged a $500,000 project and our CEO got wind of it because the client called him while he was travelling. He in turn gave shit to our Directors who in turn chewed the QA guy and I out. "You need to be more meticulous when deploying. How could you let this happen? We're eating shit because of this. You need to work over the weekend to make up for this", etc.
I'm now directly responsible for having delivered something that wasn't up to standards even though I was already putting in the overtime.
This is honestly fucking ridiculous. How can I be blamed when I'm truly doing the best I can and putting as many hours as I can while edging toward burnout.
I love what I do but I hate feeling extremely pressured to turn down friends and family like this. Maybe I'm just too easy going and need to say no more. Who fucking knows. I know that I'm angry with the company right now.
What do you all think? If you read this rant, thank you. Feels better to write it out.13
My job feels (and acts) like a soulless void.
Wow, that sounds like lyrics to an emo song for adults. screw that.
But it's still pretty accurate: While I have quite a few coworkers, and they're at least somewhat chatty, they never seem to respond to me, or even notice me. I see them talking, but anything I do or say gets ignored. It goes into the void and disappears.
I talk in the off-topic channels. People talk around me.
I make comments on releases. No responses.
I talk about music I've been addicted to. No responses.
I talk about food and cooking -- a popular topic at work. No responses.
I respond to an invitation to join the security team. No responses. (well, an empty deferral)
I release various features, some both my boss and a coworker described as "soul-crushing." No thanks, priase, appreciation; honestly, no one even seemed to notice.
I build useful utilities and functions for other devs to use. Nothing.
I optimize the scripts everyone uses on a daily basis, and mention it to others. Still nothing.
The void eats my efforts, and occasionally spits out parcels of work for me to do. The only responses I recieve from the void are when I ask about its parcels of work. When I send them back completed, nothing happens -- unless they need more work. If they do not... nothing.
My previous job was friendly and nice and rewarding.
The job before that was Hell.
This one feels like Purgatory, but ... somehow emptier.11
> Worst work culture you've experienced?
It's a tie between my first to employers.
First: A career's dead end.
Bosses hardly ever said the truth, suger-coated everything and told you just about anything to get what they wanted. E.g. a coworker of mine was sent on a business trip to another company. They had told him this is his big chance! He'd attend a project kick-off meeting, maybe become its lead permanently. When he got there, the other company was like "So you're the temporary first-level supporter? Great! Here's your headset".
And well, devs were worth nothing anyway. For every dev there were 2-3 "consultants" that wrote detailed specifications, including SQL statements and pseudocode. The dev's job was just to translate that to working code. Except for the two highest senior devs, who had perfect job security. They had cooked up a custom Ant-based build system, had forked several high-profile Java projects (e.g. Hibernate) and their code was purposely cryptic and convoluted.
You had no chance to make changes to their projects without involuntarily breaking half of it. And then you'd have to beg for a bit of their time. And doing something they didn't like? Forget it. After I suggested to introduce automated testing I was treated like a heretic. Well of course, that would have threatened their job security. Even managers had no power against them. If these two would quit half a dozen projects would simply be dead.
And finally, the pecking order. Juniors, like me back then, didn't get taught shit. We were just there for the work the seniors didn't want to do. When one of the senior devs had implemented a patch on the master branch, it was the junior's job to apply it to the other branches.
Second: A massive sweatshop, almost like a real-life caricature.
It was a big corporation. Managers acted like kings, always taking the best for themselves while leaving crumbs for the plebs (=devs, operators, etc). They had the spacious single offices, we had the open plan (so awesome for communication and teamwork! synergy effects!). When they got bored, they left meetings just like that. We... well don't even think about being late.
And of course most managers followed the "kiss up, kick down" principle. Boy, was I getting kicked because I dared to question a decision of my boss. He made my life so hard I got sick for a month, being close to burnout. The best part? I gave notice a month later, and _he_still_was_surprised_!
Plebs weren't allowed anything below perfection, bosses on the other hand... so, I got yelled at by some manager. Twice. For essentially nothing, things just bruised his fragile ego. My bosses response? "Oh he's just human". No, the plebs was expected to obey the powers that be. Something you didn't like? That just means your attitude needs adjustment. Like with the open plan offices: I criticized the noise and distraction. Well that's just my _opinion_, right? Anyone else is happily enjoying it! Why can't I just be like the others? And most people really had given up, working like on a production line.
The company itself, while big, was a big ball of small, isolated groups, sticking together by office politics. In your software you'd need to call a service made by a different team, sooner or later. Not documented, noone was ever willing to help. To actually get help, you needed to get your boss to talk to their boss. Then you'd have a chance at all.
Oh, and the red tape. Say you needed a simple cable. You know, like those for $2 on Amazon. You'd open a support ticket and a week later everyone involved had signed it off. Probably. Like your boss, the support's boss, the internal IT services' boss, and maybe some other poor sap who felt important. Or maybe not, because the justification for needing that cable wasn't specific enough. I mean, just imagine the potential damage if our employees owned a cable they shouldn't!
You know, after these two employers I actually needed therapy. Looking back now, hooooly shit... that's why I can't repeat often enough that we devs put up with way too much bullshit.3
How do you deal with burnout?
I've been working 50-80 hour weeks for the last 10 years, without any real holiday.
I kinda feel I may be irredeemably burned out now.
I know it's not a healthy situation but i'm still looking out for a healthy solution, or at least a way to survive it.23
I worked two months for free, 15h per day, including weekends, due a contract trap. On top of that, client was emotionally blackmailing me and I was feeling threatened and helpless.
I even lost weight, skipping meals to save time and money. One day, my body collapsed. I ended up in bed for 10 days, feeling stiffness, pain, weakness, and shakiness. I even had to ask for help to brush my teeth.
I abandoned the project, and didn't receive any payment. The client went crazy and made me feel the worst person in the world for being sick and unable to work. But didn't put his menaces in execution.
I still remember the joy I felt when I was able to walk again.
That was the worst burnout I had, and also one of the biggest lessons about limits and evil people.2
Two week ago the CEO informs me that the "investor" want to put me in contact urgently with an external software house to help me with my "bottlenecks".
The investor goes immediately on holiday, so it's not available for explanations. The CEO doesn't know much.
Today I meet the software house CTO and CEO.
They tell me that I should do a transfer of knowledge with them. That they will respect my requirements, my schedule and that they want to help me.
During the meeting the business consultant explains "his" vision. Some new development nobody understand. Not even the CEO. The other cofounder is probably in disagreement but stay silent.
I agree to cooperate with them in due time and with due scope and planning.
It appears they already signed a contract with the investor. The investor is offering to us 40 days of a senior developer, for "free".
The CEO doesn't even know the economical details of the contract and he is surprised that has been signed.He also didn't know that a person will come over for 40 (?) days and that we will have to pay the transfer expenses.
I try to be friendly. I explain to them the issues I need to solve. I say specifically that I need help on certain tasks and that my wish is that nothing "new" will start until we fix some obvious problems.
After leaving, in the evening I receive an email from the software house guy, telling me that next week I MUST allocate a slot for technical transfer and the 2 weeks after for on site training. Like that. He also mention we "agreed" on that which is false. We agreed on me deciding the timing.
We are only 2 developers, at the moment and the other one will be on holiday next week, so I'm trying to get from him a lot of things I don't know because I don't know everything.
I'm not even sure I'll be able to explain how to prepare all the environment.
Worst thing is that I don't know what will be the scope of the project.
I really don't know how to behave.
I wrote back setting my conditions. I have holiday too. I have to prepare "documentation", explanation, etc.
I don't want the "senior dev" coming when I'm not present.
Maybe I was too weak answering and I should have started a fight immediately. Because he actually AGREED to let me decide and after that he set conditions on me immediately.
I don't know.
My stomach is burning, I had a very bad digestion with fever and headache, feel like puking, plus I spent several evening hours fixing the fucking Linux kernel bug.
I want to survive. I don't want to let them oust me in this stupid way. I want to fight.
I know that if I will explode, scream or whatever I will be at fault and I'll accelerate my demise.
When I try to be "diplomatic" actually I end up being weak.
When I try to be assertive I'm in fact rude and hysterical.
I can't think anything else.
This is what burnout looks like.20
I think I might get close to a burnout. Last week was extremely stressful because of a deadline and I worked 45 hours in 4 days. Even in the evening my heart is pounding like a coke addict who had his last nose 1 hour ago.
What is your personal way of dealing with (work related) stress?
What activities help you best to cool down and relax?
I've not yet tried meditation but am trying to take some time to regularly do sport after the work, hopefully it helps.6
Enough of this damn youtube selecting shit songs for me, so please guys share playlists !
What i am used to :
- system of down
- michael bubley
- tarja turunen
- christina agilera (wrong spelling i know ...)
Just gave them in my mind's order, i listen to a lot of their songs, but recently there is no fucking good artist at all.
I like to listen to something who moves, not static idiot repetitive songs. I am fed of daft punk.
Please guys share, i can no longer enjoy music !!43
I made a post how i experienced a mental breakdown yesterday, a total mental collapse from abnormal dose of studying for college. Here a new day and i still cannot function properly. I cant describe the feeling exactly but feels like my brain is fried by electric shock wave... Like some kind of mild passive aggressive depression of void and nothingness.
During mental breakdown it was so bad that i could not construct basic sentences and comminicate until sleeping for a few hours and resetting myself that way. Now i can but i still cant think or do the coding work. My brain just feels fried... If you never had a mental breakdown just imagine a burnout and then multiply that by 1 million
I dont know what to do
I need help10
I started off in a MNC company as a junior developer. I entered with candy glasses.
I didn't expect to win the lottery. Of getting abuse by superior.
I stayed for a year, at the project. Constantly being belittled by this team lead. It was awful i enter as a fresh grad. All the new tech were so new and scary at that point.
During my time there, i constantly think that developer is not my stuff.
Ultimately i reach the state of burnout. I reached out to the manager and broke down in his office.
I actually told the manager. "I hate coding"
I remember staying up to 4am just complete a piece of program. To be ready to be push to production the next day. My team lead just come screaming at me saying there is bug.
Upon receiving that message via skype. I broke, tears flow down my eyes.
After which i reach a state of burn out. I start to reach out to external parties for help to get me out of there.
Now i am recovered from the burn out. I am curious of the technology that were utilized in that project. I literally face palm. After understanding the technology it isn't so hard after all. I just didn't gear myself up with the tech.
I still do enjoy working on code.3
So today, i talked to my manager about my burnout and she offered the extra resources to help my project. And if nothing goes wrong, i’m going to take leave for 2 weeks by next week.
My advice, we are human and developer is special human. So, talked to your manager or boss about your problem, it’s their job to help you on this.
On last thing, i hope you guys pray for me and i hope i can be a better person once i comeback. 👌1
You guys, who despite crazy commute and work hours, still find time and energy for side projects: I salute you. You're phenomenal. Teach me your ways4
FUCK people that romanticize all nighters. I'm here stuck at 04am waiting for my colleagues to finish because you told us 3 days prior to release the most important features. Or you don't listen to the clients or you're just plain stupid. HOPE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD that the next place won't be like this.
(Sorry for the caps, having a mental breakdown here)2
Oops! I did it again. Shredded the brain trying to debug my code. Now, my head is empty with a totally unrelated issue I need an answer to. What happens when one travels faster than light? Uuuurgh!2
I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION.
i need advice.
is it better that i study during the day for college until 12pm (midnight) and then work on my own project from 12pm till 4-5am, go to sleep and wake up around 9-10am so thats 4-7h of sleep each day. the only exception would be tuesday bc i gotta wake up for college at 6am.
so i would be working on my project 6 days for about 4-5h per week.
i plan to do this for 2 months.
so: day shift - college study
night shift - my work
please help me organize my time.
now, im thinking about long term effects on this. its going to be pain. but i am in pain each day so i no longer feel pain. i will be exhausted as fuck. i am fully conscious of what is awaiting for me if i decide to do this.
here is my question. am i going to get a burnout from this? am i going to look physically different in 2 months (in a bad way)? am i going to be mentally worse? am i going to get really skinny? this would basically be a work of 19-20h for 6 days per week for 2 months. that is approximately 114-120h work week minus tuesday.
i have to be mentally equipped for this so i plan to do home workouts in night shift session in order to prevent burnouts. I'll do walks/jogs too in day shift for mental cooldowns. the most important thing for me is NOT TO GET A BURNOUT AT ALL COSTS DURING THIS PERIOD OF TIME NO EXCEPTIONS!!!
i need serious advice on how to do this right AND AVOID BURNOUTS AT ALL COST.
i MUST stay operational mentally for the next 2 months.
please list the things i should DO and NOT do so this can be achievable.16
Just finished my first tutorial ever!!!
"Cheap poly pocket/plastic sleeve hack for storing small electronics/stuff... "
I wanted to make tutorials for a long time, but due to a burnout, I've been unable to finish any project.
Yesterday I was trying to find a solution to place all my resistors in one place, and I found it... Then I tought.. I never saw this hack on the internet... It's simple, easily explaining, this could be my first Tutorial.
So here it goes:
1st - It's an Alpha product, just finished with the grammar
2rd - Pictures may be changed later when I get my workbench and good light
3rd - No styles yet, so don't complain about the lack of CSS, but it's already readable.
When I get a few more made, enough to desert a page on itself I'll CSS everything (So I can create a common theme) and release it to the public... maybe I'll get a few bucks with a few Ads
This alpha release is only for DevRant use. I would appreciate comments, improvements, ideias and tips
Thanks to @forE , @oudalally , @ewpratten , @Stuxnet , @j4cobgarby , @BashouT , @Plastic pocket and other in: https://devrant.com/rants/1539595/...8
Have you ever considered switching to IT support/help desk?
I mean, sometimes I try to analyze my own situation from a 3rd person perspective and I realize I could have a pretty much stressless job with still enough money to live a normal life.
I have a BSc and MSc(soon to have) in CS, with focus on AI/ML. I've always been a geek with a problem solving attitude, that's why I got into computers in the first place. And now I'm pondering if I should just try an IT Support position, it's the kind of things I used to do as a teenager when a classmate had a network/computer problem, it doesn't even feel like a job to me. I could call it a day, get home at 5/6pm, and spend time on my personal projects (software, infosec) with a fresh mind, going to bed (and sleep) knowing that the next day would be a nice one. No clients wanting a new feature that you gotta implement and push on a production server friday afternoon because your ceo(who is also a pseudo proj manager) just said:"Yes, we can", while you watch the technical debt rising like amazon's stocks.
Maybe this is just the burnout talking, I don't know. Maybe I should just try being a software engineer outside of Uni in the first place, and only then start pondering.
Maybe a sysadmin position...
Have a nice day12
Can you help me with completing this survey about burnout?
I need some data to work with for a project on detecting burnout.
Today i have made a decision that's solely on my (and maybe my parent's) thinking and i feel somewhat right and super wrong at the same time. I have hurt the person who helped me the most and i feel like a total traitor. It was a situation that made me think about decisions that i will be taking currently and in future and where do they lie on the scale of black and white (no racism intended)
Tldr : left a cannabis selling company where i was being treated like a king , learning a lot of stuff both technical and life lessons and gaining a decent salary. Hurt my bestie friend ( vritual cto of that company) who was responsible for this amazing yet wrong opportunity.
13 months ago :
me : a college undergrad enjoying the college life, learning android , earning nothing , had no thoughts of future
Friend(F) : a college student rarely attending college, super focused and clear on his future , extremely good webdev/blockchain guy, winning hackathons and gaining network.
2 months later..
College gets over, F is currently advancing in tech and gets into a fast paced blockchain startup, earning very nice salary . me is also advancing by joining into a decent paying ad providers company.
2 months later...
me left the job, went back to studying for exams. F continues with the internship, later getting contacted by a particular client for his personal businesses.
Me joins a social media startup. Vile environment,lots of pressure and bad behaviors. Got a terrible burnout and didn't wanted to touch laptop or a job ever again. Ran like my ass is on fire the moment i got my half salary, leaving away the other half.
F leaves his blockchain startup and working with that client , say C. F,C and few others built up a decent scaled cannabis selling e commerce with profitable business model , quickly makes a profit of $240k in a month. My friend is not an official partner or has a rank but is getting a great salary/bonus and trips to US/ other places.
Friend : keeps working with the cannabis e-commerce, treating it like his personal hobby project. Adding new features, scaling more, adding new clients. Meanwhile also lands into a full time job with another company ( one of the top tech startups ). Handling both companies very casually and comfortably, dealing in big 5 digits (INR) every month (usually the senior devs of our area get that much, and he's yet to even graduate)
Me : very slowly coming out from the burnout, without any confidence to apply again. Trying out numerous technologies, failing to master one. Meanwhile family's financial system Struggling, an indirect pressure to " go out and earn" starts.
Friend offers a decent opp : work in his cannabis company for easy to pickup tasks, get decent salary. Me accepts
The environment that i got there is so calm and relaxed that i was not opening my laptop for weeks and they don't gave even a fuck. They gave ample amount of time to work, let me both learn and explore stuff.
Even if i delayed the task or gave unsatisfactory results, nobody would say anything because they knew whose friend i was. And when somebody did,he would either jump in between and prevent them from being exploitive towards me . Or he would simply stay quite and later we would discuss what wentt wrong and what to do in that situation . I was growing tremendously , both skillwise and as a person , with having a stable income.
Today. After a particular meeting , i was casually talking with my mom and mentioned the cannabis related company. She freaked out about it. I shushed her bit then i went onto thinking and realized the wrong in it and resigned.
Friend was super hurt and angry, not because it was a stupid decision but he also didn't agreed with the reasoning and my newfound mentality. He knew the risk he took by letting me join but he's bothered that i didn't thought of this stuff before.
I too feel like a traitor , but i stand firm on my thoughts now.
To that company , they are an e commerce startup legally selling a product that is 80% used for medical and 20% recreational purposes (even though the semi nude images bikini girls and tattooed rappers puffing vapes on their site portrays another meaning) (shade of white)
To me they are a cigarette making company killing youth by providing an easy platform and i am getting blood money (shade of black)
To my friend i am a fucking hypocrite for accepting job from anyone because everyone is doing something wrong and i misused him. According to him i should also not be applying to a medicine startup that am currently in touch with, coz those are also legal drugs that could he used for recreational purposes (shade of idk , fucking red ass)
I am just sad. God help me in this tech world, i need to do something with my fucked up brain.3
Been working really hard last 5-6 weeks and achieved a lot with the help of my ADD meds (concerta, basically ritalin). However I noticed that week ago I reached full blown burnout. I feel mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. I already signed up for a metting at doctor's to come up with a plan how to fix this asap so I could get back in my flow. My question is how do you guys combat adrenal fatigue and recover from it?7
At some point I need to do an older project i've had on hold a while, but it'd require writing my own ROM patch system as a major step in completing it, as i'd need to dynamically patch stuff into older games based on system, which current patch formats don't allow for. (This project will also help me learn a few things I need for yet more projects I've got stashed away, so it needs to happen eventually.)
Now, the interesting part: the patch format. I was debating on whether to use binary data, like IPS/BPS and similar formats do, which would be easier to implement... but if I were to have plaintext patches, you'd be able to not only understand what's happening, but also have things like scripting and conditionals and user-defined options and such. This would be WAY harder to implement, slow as fuck, and require an assembler per-target-system, either external or internal... but it'd be transparent, editable, and hella extendable.
This would all happen after I'm both over my burnout AND done chewing through my current stack of projects and such, of course, but still... which sounds better to you, dear reader?2
What do you do when you're trying to push yourself further by learning new concepts and techniques but start to feel the burnout closing in?
Usually I'm useless for about week if I push myself too hard. Would love to overcome this.
How do you guys handle this?4
Just wondering if heading to a burnout is common among us.
I had some responsabilities in releasing an application for the humanitarian comunity last year. Quite important if you realise it can help to save lives in Palestine and Syria, so I was very motivated to succeed.
Unfortunately my manager, a former developer, could not admit we needed time to integrate devs, test, etc...
So I ended up chronically lacking sleep, like few ours per day and no sleep the week end.
... and i finaly just jumped on the first other job I saw to make sure I would not fail my life miserably under a train, because life is not worth it when you don't sleep.
Did you or someone near you experienced that?2
Am I in developer hell already? A shitty project is about to come to an end (hopefully), or should I rather say: It needs to come to an end. But I am still quite lost in how to deal with it, hence procrastinating on it - making the deadline come closer and with it the realization that I'll probably have to rewrite almost everything. I'm not sure how, but I do know that the current code is a dumpster fire.
Basically what I need to do is dealing with the APIs of different payment providers/gateways (like PayPal, AmazonPay). For most cases I'll get a payment ID from the shop and need to act on it later, e.g. capture the authorized money in the case of a credit card transaction or do refunds (without user interaction, unless there is an error). Now at first I put something together where I try to abstract the payment information into two tables:
Unfortunately trying to abstract the different payment methods and to squeeze them (and their different possible stati and functions) in these tables was not very successful, it's a total mess with magic numbers, half-broken behavior and without any consideration for partial payments/captures or unfinished requests (i.e. if there is an exception before the response is dealt with, there is no indication that anything has ever been sent). Also the current amount is calculated through the history of the paymentDetails table, which basically works differently for each payment type.
How to fix this mess in a way that I'll still have a job by next week?
I'm trying to improve the db schema first, as I think my biggest problems are lying there. Through some research I've come across a recommendation for making payment type specific subtables (with a magic number/string in the main table to prevent having to look up all subtables). That way I can record what I send and receive without having to abstract it too much, so I'll have an acceptable transaction log. The paymentDetails table can be removed (necessary fields go to the payments table). The payments table gets multiple fields for the amount (differentiating between open, authorized, captured, processing and refunded values) and always reflects the current status.
I think I'm going in the right direction here. hm. Maybe there's some light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. Or a train. I'll have two days to find out.6
Feeling but worth out. What do guys suggest should I do to get back on the track?
Vacation is not an option1