Join devRant
Do all the things like
++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatar
Sign Up
Pipeless API
From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple API
Learn More
Search - "christmas tree"
-
"Don't deploy on Friday" is a public admittance that your company either has no CI/CD pipeline, or that all your devs are retarded rhesus monkeys who only wipe their ass if the product manager wrote it as a spec.
If the saying was: "Don't port your whole API to GraphQL on a Friday", or "Don't switch from MySQL to Postgres on a Friday", I would agree.
But you should be able to do simple deploys all the time.
I deployed on Christmas & New Year's eve. I've deployed code while high on LSD, drunk-peeing 2 liters of beer against a tree after a party. I've deployed code from the hospital while my foot was being stitched up. On average, we deploy our main codebase about 194 times a week.
If you can't trust your deploys, maybe instead of posting stupid memes about not deploying on Fridays, you should fix your testing & QA procedures.46 -
No one dare deploy anything the week before Christmas - no fucking way I'm writing a hotfix under the Christmas tree again this year
-
Private chat pops up. (- separator for new message)
Hello
- (1 min)
Can you help me?
- (2-3 mins)
Please it's urgeeeent!!!!!
- (1 min)
Come on you're online, I see the green dot.
- (5 mins)
Ok then I won't be able to work. Will write this down in the ticket.
- (15 mins) - new private chat pops up
Hi, we need to talk.
- (3 mins)
Regarding ticket XY, why aren't you responding? It's really urgent.
- (5 mins)
Please notify me as soon as you're available, it's really important!!!
- (20 mins, new private chat opens)
Hi mate, I think the devs are up to mischief. Said you're not reachable, I'll try to poke them with the stun gun.
- (60 mins, message in the official and only endorsed support room)
@all We broke staging, <Me> never responds and <Team mate who tried to use the stun gun> wasn't helpful either.
We really need this now!!!!!!!
- 30 mins later... la me:
@all I was in a meeting with the stakeholders as we had an priority meeting... What was so important that you not only ignored the rule of not messaging privately and even ignored <team mate>s instructions?
- 5 mins later, answer
no need to be so unfriendly.... We broke staging as we had to test stuff out for next week's sprint review [something which is still 3 days away or sth like that]. We really need to take a look in the team at it and for that we must have staging working now!!!!
- (La me)
If you need it urgent now, you didn't plan ahead. And if you didn't plan ahead, you have to wait for others. The sprint review and all other important days are planned ahead for a reason.
- (Silence)
- (20 mins later, private chat, team lead)
Will you finally fix staging now?
- La me
If it could wait 3 hours now and you / your team ignored all netiquette, it can wait till next day, too. We had this discussion more than once, I don't think I need to explain this further.
(Silence)
All in all, the joys of communication...
Now the fun stuff is when this not only happens with 1 team, but many teams....
Having 35 - 40 private chats and chat window looking like a christmas tree thx to the immeasurable amount of notifications and colors... Yay...
Did I mention that I hate the ego some programmers have -.10 -
So I hear Christmas is coming, right? Here's a christmas tree for you!
P.S. this is the real thing. It's a Java project we have to work with... For Christ's sake! The guy who wrote this has recently left the company and handed this code to us as his legacy.
fuck.16 -
Friends Pandemic December proposal: "We should all get on Zoom every weekend, play Christmas trivia games and do shots"
Family ideal Pandemic December: "Lets send each other Secret Santa presents throughout the whole month, and get on Zoom and unpack them"
Me: Chilled out on a reclining seat next to a freshly slaughtered green fir tree, burning hearth fire, warm wool sweater, faux fur slippers, big mug of liquored up hot chocolate, keyboard on my lap, writing a Rust library on big screen TV.
Sorry friends & family, y'all are doing holidays wrong.
Happy holidays.
-- signed, Grandpa Bittersweet.12 -
Worst of 2020:
Seeing company get stuck in an organizational swamp. Devs tend to be reasonably good at working from home...
Management isn't. Meeting quality has gone down the drain, half of management thinks "if the boss can't see me why work at all?", the other half has constant calls with tiny working groups where nothing is final and everyone is left confused.
I'm convinced: Everything management is afraid of about allowing devs to work from home is based on projection of their own weaknesses.
They're not passionate enough to work without oversight. They might not be introverts, but extroverts are perfectly able to communicate poorly, especially when a few digital hurdles get in the way.
The average developer might actually be more attuned to the intricacies of emotionless text chats, and preventing disruptive elements in video calls.
Also, unless someone physically helps a manager to remove their head from their own ass once in a while, their "gut feelings" about the market and products are actually just amplified bias caused by their endless self-absorbed yelling into the echo chamber that is their stretched out rectum.
Holy motherfucking hell, have I seen some weird projects float by in 2020, pooped out by isolated product managers whose brain clearly has melted when they had to survive without office fruitbaskets and organizational post-it walls.
Yeah let's promote our international character, by giving away travels and hotel bookings, using pictures of happy hugging people in foreign countries... Great promo during a pandemic.
Or let's get "woke" and promote the "colored users" on our platforms, by training ML to categorize people by skin pigment (Apart from how illegal and ethically insane that is on multiple levels, about 85% of our users pick shit like anime characters and memes for their avatar).
Or how about we make a Microsoft Store app, even though the vast majority of our end users are students using cheap Android phones, older iPhones, Macbooks and Chromebooks.
😡
Anyway, now that I have dressed up my Christmas tree with some manager intestines...
Best of 2020:
I got to play through my Steam backlog, work on hobby projects, and watch a lot of YouTube.
All this pandemic insanity has convinced me all the more that I want to work way more in Rust, and publish way more on open source projects.
I became maintainer/collaborator on a bunch of semi-prominent libraries & frameworks, and while no community is perfect, I enjoy my laid-back coffee-fueled debugging on those packages much more than listening to another crack addicted cocksucker in a suit explain their half-assed A/B test idea to me at 9AM.
So, 2021 will be me half-assing through the spaghetti at my official fuckfest of a job so I can keep filling my bank account — and investing way more time and effort into stuff I find truly engaging, into projects with a heart and a soul.3 -
To all IT-guys out there, be it the desperate sysadmin or the kind lady of the support team, I whish all of you and your family/friends a merry christmas! 😃4
-
Ever tried "CodeGolf" on StackExchange?
https://codegolf.stackexchange.com
I did it for a while and had some fun.
Until it became the usual dick-measuring contest that is StackExchange.
"Have you tried...?"
Bitch did I ask for your help?
The final straw for me was when it became obvious that people were checking to make sure I hadn't lied about my character count. Then someone downvoted my answer after I misinterpreted the question.
That was it for me, fuck y'all.
This C# Christmas Tree was my highest voted answer, approx 1 year ago. (Hope the gif works.)6 -
about one and a half years ago I wrote my first application ^-^
it generates a little christmas tree with lights on the CLI.
and I still feel the same joy as back then when something actually works out :)8 -
Remember the Christmas lecture I told you about?
Did you know, we have Santa in our faculty and he only communicates in the "Ho, ho, ho!" language?
So they created a ho ho ho programming language based on brainfuck and a way to do multiplications with a christmas tree🌲 and the prof sang a song to Andrew Tanenbaum. We had Punsch or Glühwein and Christmas cookies and there was a flashmob of the new choir 'C#' aaah it was just so cool
Last year they sent a paper to the journal of Universal Rejection, the paper is called: "Toward Xmas 4.0 - Recent Advances in Santa Claus Research"3 -
Finished our Christmas tree at work today. Featuring Zip ties, faulty burned blu rays, an old keyboard, a led stripe, cut IDE Cables and a 10m cat 5e cable and the holy Debian as topping
Sadly I cant capture all of its beauty in a single picture
I call him the GeekTree5 -
Tired after a long day at work. Let me shuffle some music in spotify:
"I don't want a lot for Christmas..."
Next
"Underneath the Christmas tree..."
Next
"All I want for Christmas is you..."
Next
"Love and understanding,
Merry Christmas everyone..."
*sigh*2 -
on the first day of christmas my PM send to me
There's a bug in your B-tree
on the second day of christmas my PM send to me
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in your B-tree
On the third day of christmas my PM send to me
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlockd
and a bug in my B-Tree
on the Fourth day of Christmas my PM send to me
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree
on the Fith day of Christmas my PM send to me
Five SCRUM meetings
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree
On the sixth day of Christmas my PM send to me
Six deadlines waiting
Five SCRUM meetings
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree
on the Seventh day of Christmas my PM send to me
Seven machines learning
Six deadlines waiting
Five SCRUM meetings
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree
on the Eighth day of Christmas my PM send to me
Eight repos compiling
Seven machines learning
Six deadlines waiting
Five SCRUM meetings
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree
on the Ninth day of Christmas my PM send to me
Nine interns asking
Eight repos compiling
Seven machines learning
Six deadlines waiting
Five SCRUM meetings
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree
on the Tenth day of Christmas my PM send to me
Ten Features requested
Nine interns asking
Eight repos compiling
Seven machines learning
Six deadlines waiting
Five SCRUM meetings
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree
on the Eleventh day of Christmas my PM send to me
Eleven products deploying
Ten Features requested
Nine interns asking
Eight repos compiling
Seven machines learning
Six deadlines waiting
Five SCRUM meetings
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree
on the Twelve day of Christmas my PM send to me
Twelve DBs updating
Eleven products deploying
Ten Features requested
Nine interns asking
Eight repos compiling
Seven machines learning
Six deadlines waiting
Five SCRUM meetings
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree3 -
Hey! First post on rant by saying merry Xmass!
This is my Christmas tree made from JavaScript ! I can change the height of the foliage and the wood part follow !
For those like me who live in a country where you only have the cold but not the snow 😅❄️11 -
On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
A drunk who drove into a tree
On the second day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Two shattered skulls
And a drunk who drove into a tree....
Twelve beaten children
Eleven drive-by shootings
Ten frozen homeless
Nine amputations
Eight burn victims
Seven strangled shoppers
Six random knifings
Five suicides
Four beaten wives
Three O.D.'s
Two shattered skulls
And a drunk who drove into a tree6 -
On the -2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
offfffline servers,
NO notifications,
one, lousy fucking dayyyyyy
(... on the first day back to workkkkkkk..innnggg...)
Database corrup-ted,
users' fucking pissed....
and a partridge in a pear tree!
$merryXmas[-1]2 -
Let it snow! let it snow! Let it snow! A christmas tree made only with css. Codepen: https://codepen.io/flavio_amaral/...5
-
Christmas Day and the Nintendo server is slow .... hmmm , I wonder what everybody unwrapped under the tree!
-
The overuse of something is designed to demoralize and discourage the very thing.
Vapid christmas jingles, meaningless consumerism, blackfriday shopping, keeping up with the joneses, decorations and tinsel bullshit so overloaded on homes and trees that it looks like a gaudy airstrip display, holiday-town-esque themes and festivals so frequent, overcooked and overcommercialized that its like you've stepped into a 40-year-old sterile suburban house-wives braindrain internal fantasy reruns of regurgitated hallmark christmas romance movies.
Alls fair love and christmas.
In other news, some strapping young and intrepid adventurer *lit a public christmas tree on fire*.
Its a shame really, when we can't just enjoy the simple things without some dickhead going and spoiling it. But also I can't help but ask
"ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!"13 -
Merry Christmas to everyone celebrating it. I sincerely hope each of you has someone to cozy up this festive season. Remember and share all the good stories that happened this year, all the sores that hurt you back then but turned out well in the end. Share your plans, hopes and dreams to achieve next year.
Be it a friend, a family, a significant other or your neighbour. Cozy up and enjoy. After all this hard year you've all deserved it.
[don't try to trick yourself that you're better off alone. We both know it's not true]
After a long break I'm having a white Christmas this year. That and my kiddo stepping his first steps, apartment nearly done and a huge christmas tree in one of the rooms, and the fact that I've finaly 100% nailed my gift for my wife [never ever has this happened bfore! Can't wait to see her face in the morning :) ] -- I'm full of Christmas spirit this year!
I wish you all have a great holiday!1 -
I prefer to build my solutions bottom-up, creating a component right after identifying the need for it but before whatever would be using it, because this gives me the flexibility to think about the problem in the general sense and produce an optimal solution without overspecialization.
VSCode's Rust plugin is a bit overzelous about dead code detection and runs it whenever the codebase is deemed to be correct, highlighting every item that isn't referenced from main, even if it is referenced from something else that's unreferenced.
Whenever I finally defeat the borrow checker and produce a correct solution my entire codebase lights up in yellow like a christmas tree and I'm completely addicted to this. -
Merry Grav-Mass!
So I saw many „Merry Christmas“ posts here lately.
But many of you may have forgotten that 25th of December is the birthday of the greatest physician and mathematician of all time — Isaac Newton! So let's celebrate the existence of comprehensible physical laws!
One way to celebrate Grav-Mass is to decorate a tree with apples and other fruits. Glue them or attach them, but not too well! The idea is that occasionally a fruit should fall. Put them on the tree no more than 2 feet up, so that they won't get damaged or hurt anybody when they fall. Investigating and perfecting the methods for doing this is a great way expose a child to the process of scientifically studying the behavior of the physical world.
Merry Grav-Mass and happy New Year! 🍎
Further reading: https://stallman.org/grav-mass.html4 -
This moment when your PFSense routers IDS lights up like a christmas tree when you try to play a game. Also this moment when you are a programmer and only rant about sysadmin stuff because your programming almost never is a problem.
-
The cost cutting at my previous company continues....my ex-colleague said the company has no budget for a Christmas tree this year so:2