Join devRant
Do all the things like
++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatar
Sign Up
Pipeless API
From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple API
Learn More
Search - "tomato"
-
- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust
- OK! This is it
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?
- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is not good
- How do you know?
- Through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You have not taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network
- I bought more from another drugstore
- It's not showing on your credit card
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source
-WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet,where there is no cell phone line and no one to spy on me
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport as it has expired 5 weeks ago..42 -
If restaurants functioned like Microsoft:
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer;what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now? Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.
[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[waiter leaves.]
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . . . . . . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1.009 -
HTML - hot tomato monkey language
CSS - crazy stupid script
PHP - per hour pay
JS - just scream
JAVA - just a valid acronym
C# - see sharply
Objective C - OOP cash
C - cash
C++ - cash++19 -
Hello! Is this Gordon’s Pizza?
No sir, it’s Google’s Pizza.
Did I dial the wrong number?
No sir, Google bought the pizza store.
Oh, alright - then I’d like to place an order please.
Okay sir, do you want the usual?
The usual? You know what my usual is?
According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you’ve ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust.
Okay - that’s what I want this time too.
May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead?
No, I hate vegetables.
But your cholesterol is not good.
How do you know?
Through the subscribers guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
Maybe so, but I don’t want the pizza you suggest – I already take medicine for high cholesterol.
But you haven’t taken the medicine regularly. 4 months ago you purchased from Drugsale Network a box of only 30 tablets.
I bought more from another drugstore.
It’s not showing on your credit card sir.
I paid in cash.
But according to your bank statement you did not withdraw that much cash.
I have another source of cash.
This is not showing on your last tax form, unless you got it from an undeclared income source.
WHAT THE HELL? ENOUGH! I’m sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and WhatsApp. I’m going to an island without internet, where there’s no cellphone line, and no one to spy on me …
I understand sir, but you’ll need to renew your passport … it expired 5 weeks ago.16 -
Email. Fuck everything about it.
It's an obnoxious queue of messages I somehow must handle. And everyone in society expects you to have email. You can cancel your phone number, maybe even live without a house... but every hobo still must check their email.
It is an endless shitstream of things I don't want. Like a garden with some nice tomato plants, but then a really smelly weed starts invading and no matter what you do it keeps coming back.
I don't want to login to unsubscribe. I don't care about your "notifications center", or "managing the offers you receive from us".
And then your boss asks you to design an email campaign... I don't want to receive that shit, why would our customers? And even if I agreed with using email as a communication channel... YOU THOUGHT CSS IN INTERNET EXPLORER WAS A BITCH?
No really. Fuck email. Fuck everything about it.15 -
I really fucking hate when people or companies do shit like this..
Apparently Google is changing the salad emoji, which is a bowl that contains lettuce, tomato, egg, onion and stuff like that, to the same, but without the egg.
Why you may ask?
Well.. they did it to "make it a more inclusive vegan salad".
ITS JUST SOME WHITE PIXELS FOR FUCKS SAKE. How would any vegan, besides the crazy ones, be upset about a moist egg in their crisp salad?
I cant even.. im out of words.. fuck.
Additionally, the news page i read it on have been so kind to host a poll of what people think about it, whether its a good idea or not.
Ill let the image speak for itself, if you really need a translation, dont use google translate, ask in the comments.42 -
- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust
- OK! This is it
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?
- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is not good
- How do you know?
- Through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You have not taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network
- I bought more from another drugstore
- It's not showing on your credit card
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source
-WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet,where there is no cell phone line and no one to spy on me
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport as it has expired 5 weeks ago..11 -
Today I was talking to my manager about html and css.
As i was explaining certain things about the structure of the files and the naming conventions for the css classes I mentioned the body of the document.....but got...er...distracted...yes distracted...and said booty instead of body.
She started laughing and I made a tomato look pale because of how red I got. I zipped my hoodie all the way up and talked from the hood hole around my face.
Best solution ever.5 -
So this happened last week.
Last week I went as a volunteer to give an introduction class basic programming to some guys and gals who are going to attend computer science soon next year.
The class lasted one week and we had done some basic algorithms and programming in Python.
Besides that we also did some very basic websites (html, css and javascript).
Obviously all those people were very enthusiastic.
Some were a little bit too enthusiastic...
There were these 2 guys who were best friends. They already knew everything apparently. Even though they just finished high school they had been programming for over 10 years, had already made countless of websites, applications, 'hacked Windows', RATs and some amazing games.
So there were some people there who never had programmed before. I started giving the lecture and warned people who already knew some basics of programming the first day might be a quite boring but I could not simply skip it obviously.
Those 2 dickheads acted like the biggest childs ever, started screaming in class, making sure everyone knew they were bored, and were constantly complaining to me that they know what print, for, while and strings were. I stayed calm and tried to explain them again I simply couldn't skip parts of the lecture for them.
Every hour and every day it started getting worse and worse with them. Not only but the whole class were furiously mad at them. Some other students even started screaming at them. They screamed back insulting everyone they even didn't what php was and stupid stuff like that.
At some point they interrupted me AGAIN and asked me how long I programmed. I told him little them over 5 years or something. They started laughing at me. Those 2 dickheads looked at me like they were so much better than me because they programmed over 10 years.
At some point, almost the last day, I had enough of their bullshit, interruption, screaming, insulting other students who asked questions, ... I said you know what, you give the lecture!
They refused because they felt too good for all these other 'noobs' (the other students). They would never become good and blah blah more bullshit.
I said alright, we're doing websites, you've made some websites, show me your most impressive website.
He was happy and felt honered.
He sent me the whole folder and I showed his website on code on the big screen in the room.
Then I said: "Everyone, pay close attention to this!"
That dickhead smiled and felt good
Me: "This is how NOT to make a website"
I started explaining to everyone all things that were complete shit and all things that were straight up sins.
That one friend of the dickhead stayed quiet. The other dickhead became as red as a tomato. At some points you even saw tears in his eyes. At some point he insulted me I was a scriptie and simply left.
The class started clapping.
One of the weirdest but also best moments of my life
Moral: Don't act like a complete bigheaded dickhead, don't feel better than everyone and show some respect
Thank you for reading
Have a nice day!3 -
Ok.. So I'm a student striving to be a mobile developer and since the job market is non-existent if you don't have a degree here I had to take a customer support job for the moment/until I find something better.
I was handling some purchases and ask this customer to provide me a screenshot of the receipt.
Send him steps on how to do it and a video demonstration for Android devices.
Now the great part
HE PROCEEDS TO SCAN HIS PHONE SCREEN WITH A SCANNER, PRINTS THE IMAGE AND THEN TAKES A PICTURE OF THE PRINTED FILE AND SENDS IT. HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I READ ANYTHING THERE YOU FUCKING TOMATO?!?!
HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND HOW TO TO TAKE THE SCREENSHOT!!!5 -
Yeah i applied for a job once without much js experience. I got invited for an interview and a couple of tests. The interview went well. I think the cognitive test wasn’t bad either.
However they wanted to see funky js shit i hadn’t ever done or see before and also was totally useless skill wise.
I asked if i could google answers (who doesn’t in their daily script job?) but i wasn’t.
I tried for like 5 or 10 minutes and then blurted out to the major CTO super tech savy master degree microsoft-o-worthy, that my js skills weren’t up for the task.
He gave me a couple of links to pdf’s with programming basics teached at a high school. Totally cool and understanding.
I walked away ashamed and probably red as a tomato. Excused myself for wasting his time and left as quickly as possible.5 -
Spent the whole damn weekend trying to migrate from old pc xampp to clone of the vps by pushing pulling from github... It's a nightmare. Finally I gave up, installed xampp on the new pc as well, pulled all the garbage there and of course it didn't worked, same errors... The solution... some files were not pushed to github.. I really think about to move to some 3rd world country, and become tomato farmer instead.2
-
Client: "Please make carrots with these tomato seeds."
Me: "But that's not possible."
Client: "These are strict requirements. Or we have to find someone who can."
** takes said tomatoes and makes them physically look carrots. Presents said carrots excited that I may pull this off **
Client: "These carrots are not blue like all known carrots. We've decided to go with someone else."
Ffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuu2 -
Hm.
Was very frustrated from work.
Started cooking.
Simple gnocchis with tomato / paprika sauce.
Might have been a little distracted...
I've grabbed a regular sized spoon instead of a tea spoon.
I've handmade ungarian puszta.
I've added a full spoon of it to the sauce.
It's very spicy and hot.
I'll guess my guts are in hell mode for the next days.
But it's delicious.
Remember kids: always eat up what you cooked.
Even if it seems to kill you by burning your insides out.13 -
My Team leader is such a bastard who doesn't do any work and every day he has parcel from some online shop like Amazon or something getting graphics card.raspberry pie etc etc and he literally does nothing. These are a guys who cost company and contribute to downfall of the company. If I would have been a CEO I would have fired such guys. But you know the shortcomings of the big company. And his face like a rotten tomato. No expression and most sadist face. You will ever find
-
Didn’t touch to my arch usb install in a month (didn’t have to use it)
Ran pacman -syu.
The Internet connection is not fast, it’s been ongoing for 1 hour and will probably last for another.
i3 semicrashed, can’t close/run programs, can’t do anything.
Anyway, just wasting my time on here.
Listening to “thoughts and prayers” from grandson because of santa fe:
May their gods be with them and their families and their friends. I wish the best of recovery for the ones wounded, physically and mentally.
And for the shooter:
Take a trip to the hell of js frameworks and just stay there, 🖕you for what you did! You’re a twisted tomato burried deep in the fucking ground of sadness and horror jambled with middle fingers crooked by bullets shot from your gut and mind. -
FUCK THIS SHIT. A fucking maid is paid like idk, $30/hr nowadays. Why the fuck are we eating so much shit for.
I'm moving to some remote fucking place and I'll grow my food instead of constantly begging for raises because a fucking tomato costs $737284883827362294939
MAY CLIMATE CHANGE AND WW3 KILL Y'ALL MFS20 -
oh god, wake up snappy as a lubed tomato, ready for battle. Gotta take my adhd stimulant, namely Vyvanse or else it'd be cokedbenz-like, annoying the f*ck out of everyone cuz me wouldn't even manage to keep still.
So I take those 70mg punch and
my brain takes it like a sissy! It slows to a crawl, surprise, surprise motherf*cker, it's bed time, AGAIN!
Can't keep my peepers open. Why god, why that med gets me into hibernation mode??
No trouble, no trouble, son, pop some Ritalin and you'll be ready to go!
Alright, alrighty! Take a couple of those and it's like a coffin's final nail, Thanatos roundhouse kick to Dreamland! Wtf 😒
If I hadn't gone thru the "I don't need it", "better off without it" phase so many, many! times before, I'd consider not taking those, but I know, I know that even tho those first few days would be great, by week's end I'd find me self rampaging life and crashing like thunder, with a big bang7