What devrant taught me:

Everyone hates java
Everyone hates php
Everyone hates spaces
Everyone hates tabs
Everyone hates vim
Everyone hates windows
Everyone hates linux
Everyone hates clients
Everyone hates PMs
Everyone hates every language they're not working with
Everyone loves devrant 😊

Girl: we need to talk

Me: OK

Girl: you seem to have more time for your computer than me. I want to know how important I am to you.

Me: You are the number 1 in my life.

Girl: *smiles and hugs me*

Me: (thinking)...Just that I start counting from 0

My girlfriend dumped me after I named a class after her. She felt I treated her like an object.

Oh God, When your boss is reviewing your code and he pauses to take some meds.

Age 12:
Mum: "You're always on the computer doing your silly codes! if you keep this up you're gonna be a failure at life!"

Age 15
Mum: "Hacking? oh please! you sound like a kid who wants attention"

Age 18
Mum: "Son, i was wrong. im sorry."

Age 25
Mum: "Are you okay over there? you're always on the computer doing your work, rest and take a nap, eat lots of carrots when you can"

even if you weren't very supportive mum, i still love you. :)

When you're thinking about your code when doing math homework, but then realize you're accidentally putting semicolons after each step.

Where did I leave that backdoor?

So this happened today. I'm bad at remembering names so I always have to ask again.

for($i=0;$i<15;$i++)
{
Me: what was your name again?
Client: well, it still IS {name}. I'm still alive, you know.
😅😰
}

Colleagues noticed it as well 😅

My girlfriend asked me to take her to somewhere she hasn't been when I asked, 'where do you wanna go for anniversary?'
So I took her to Github.com 🤣
Trust me, I had to pay a big price for that joke! 😏

Sit down at desk

Open VSCode

Stare are my code for a good 5 minutes

Get up

Goto kitchen

Make extra strong cofee

Drink. It. All.

Sit down

Re attempt to decipher last weeks code.....

Mondays.

Who the fuck thought this feature would be a good idea?!

*holds the power button because want to reboot*
*presses reboot in the tiny menu*

*walks away to return in about an hour*

"Are you sure you want to reboot?" *cancel and OK buttons*

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

When you decide to use a model for an engineering picture this is what happens. (Look at her hand)

This.
I'm not sure yet what I'm going to do with it, but it's going to be awesome.

To become an engineer (CS/IT) in India, you have to study:
1. 3 papers in Physics (2 mechanics, 1 optics)
2. 1 paper in Chemistry
3. 2 papers in English (1 grammar, 1 professional communication). Sometimes 3 papers will be there.
4. 6 papers in Mathematics (sequences, series, linear algebra, complex numbers and related stuff, vectors and 3D geometry, differential calculus, integral calculus, maxima/minima, differential equations, descrete mathematics)
5. 1 paper in Economics
6. 1 paper in Business Management
7. 1 paper in Engineering Drawing (drawing random nuts and bolts, locus of point etc)
8. 1 paper in Electronics
9. 1 paper in Mechanical Workshop (sheet metal, wooden work, moulding, metal casting, fitting, lathe machine, milling machine, various drills)
And when you jump in real life scenario, you encounter source/revision/version control, profilers, build server, automated build toolchains, scripts, refactoring, debugging, optimizations etc. As a matter of fact none of these are touched in the course.
Sure, they teach you a large set of algorithms, but they don't tell you when to prefer insertion sort over quick sort, quick sort over merge sort etc. They teach you Las Vegas and Monte Carlo algorithms, but they don't tell you that the randomizer in question should pass Die Hard test (and then you wonder why algorithm is not working as expected). They teach compiler theory, but you cannot write a simple parser after passing the course. They taught you multicore architecture and multicore programming, but you don't know how to detect and fix a race condition. You passed entire engineering course with flying colors, and yet you don't know ABC of debugging (I wish you encounter some notorious heisenbug really soon). They taught 2-3 programming languages, and yet you cannot explain simple variable declaration.
And then, they say that you should have knowledge of multiple fields. Oh well! you don't have any damn idea about your major, and now you are talking about knowledge in multiple fields?
What is the point of such education?
PS: I am tired of interviewing shitty candidates with flying colours in their marksheets. Go kids, learn some real stuff first, and then talk some random bullshit.

Me wanting to board Plane,
Goes through security Check...
"Sorry sir Laptops are not allowed."
Me
"Why?"
Security
"It could be a modified bomb"
Me
"But this is a Tablet!"
Security
"No sir, it has a Keyboard and Trackpad attached to it, its also running Windows..."
Me
"Excuse me, but this is clearly a Tablet"
*Detatches Keyboard from Surface Book*
"See? Tablet."
Security,
"Sorry sir, but no. You cant board the plane with this, only Tablets and Smartphones"
Me
"WTF? you dont allow Laptops because they could be bombs but A FUCKING SMARTPHONE IS ALLOWED? AND TABLETS TOO?!"
Security
"Yes, because the Battery is not removable..."
Me
"But my Laptop Battery is also not Removable..."
Security
"I dont have anymore Time for an Argument"
Me
"So I can board the Plane?"
Security
"No, the Ticket will be refunded"

WHO THE FUCK CAME UP WITH THIS BULLSHIT? LIKE RLY? WHO!!
I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK IS ALLOWED?!

So the person from my previous rant actually tried to make AI in HTML.

Person: I made that AI in HTML today!

Me: Oh really?

Person: Yup. *Opens HTML site*

It was a site that

1) Used JavaScript
2) Was a prompt(), and after answering it alerts "Yes" or "No" randomly.

Me: That's not AI

Person: Uhh yeah it is. It uses a neural network to answer!

Me: Actually, a neural network is a dot product of an input and vectors that are refined using partial derivatives.

Person: Yeah! That's what Math.random() and alert() do!

I left that room as quickly as I could (yet again).

So this fucking happened today.

Me: *sees support ticket coming in about some kind of login issue*

Me: *opens issue*

"Hello, I can't seem to login. There's an error"

Me: *sighs and thinks "at least give me that FUCKING error message then." *kindly replies with asking if they could send me the error message*

"Here it is. I don't understand what is going wrong
and what I have to do"

Me: *looks at error message*

"Invalid customer ID. Please make sure that your ID is correct. You can find it in the activation email we sent you when you registered".

😐 😶 😦

Me: *thinking okay what the fuck, are you fucking retarded or something?*

Me: *kindly replies: "It seems that you are not using the correct customer ID. You might want to look for it in the activation email we sent you!"*

"Oh okay thanks, how did you figure that out?"

Me: 😵 😐 😶 😭 🔫

Seriously what the actual fucking fuck.

My dumb CEO just hired an even dumber CTO. The new CTO asked me the following questions...

1. What is GitHub?

2. What is JSON?

3. What’s an array?

4. What is Get and what is Post?

5. When an iPhone is offline, can it call an API on our server to tell us it’s offline?

6. I know you’ve spent 11 month the writing this backend in PHP but can you change it to Java now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because it’s better.
Me: How?
Dumb CTO: because it is.

7. I know you’ve started to rewrite this codebase I Java but can you convert it to Node.JS now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because Facebook uses it.

8. What is MySQL? Why aren’t you using a database instead?

9. What does NULL mean?

Somehow, I doubt that asshole is remotely qualified for the job.

Fakin shyt for brains.

Oh boy, my fellow devRanters, I just signed an 4 digit monthly salary (that's a lot in Lithuania) job contract, I'm a future Unix infrastructure engineer :o

As per original concept of ranting, it's been almost two months since I wrote for the stickers and didn't get a reply >:(

Was writing a word document.
Ended it with semicolon;

How on Earth has PHP became successful? That language is as terrible as Satan's balls

devRant > Reddit

Thanks Google. That's exactly what I need right now.

That's the exact question that came to me 2 years back when I was also going to go to sleep early tonight

<INSERT ORIGINAL KRACK JOKE HERE>

First thing every developer should do when buying a new computer is to download chrome using the built in downloader
1. Just click on start menu
2. Search for "chrome downloader"
3. Click on the downloader icon
4. From here it should be easy :)

Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => little success
Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => I think I've got it
Try => almost there
Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => oh, is that the problem?
Try => fail
.
.
.
=> SUCCESS

1) Looking up official Page of the new language/framework
2) Watch tutorial on Youtube
3) Realise it's teached very complicated
4) Buy a course on any course site
5) Realise it's even more complicated
6) Buy book
7) Learn it perfectly
#booksForLive :D

MDN >> W3Schools

Rob :Truth or Dare

Android Dev:Dare

Rob: Uninstall and reinstall your android studio with SDKs @50kbps

Android Dev:Truth