*Me and my GF who works for CIA*

Me: Send nudes
GF: Whose do you want ?

Coding Teacher: "you'll need your laptops for the exam. To prevent you from cheating I'll disable the network now"

...pulls out the network cable on his machine...

"okay you can start now"
🤦🏻‍♂️

Shakira as a programmer : Heaps don't lie

Just leaving this here

"Oh you're a developer?"

"Yes."

"Hey I've got this awesome app idea. You build it all and you can get 10% of the profits?"

Conversation with my Boss

B: Are u a hacker?
M: No
B: We need a hacker?
M: Why?
B: Because X department wants to do a hackathon.

You say: "We added AI to our product"
I hear: "We added a bunch more IF statements to our codebase"

"my app is so awesome you don't even have to close it, it crashes itself automatically. "

Not really a rant. But, since I found devrant I started needing less caffeine to help me get me through the day.

My girlfriend doesn't talk to me anymore after I said I helped the new girl to do some penetration testing.

I kinda feel sorry for him

adding //To do in my code be like

Why software aren't free!

- Go to www.fakeWindowsUpdate.com
- Click on one of the fake "installing updates" screen
- Make browser full screen
- Enjoy the prank!

I made my coworker wait for 90 minutes...lmao

Master was successfully deleted

How does a front-end developer get away with murder?

$('body').hide();

//I'll see myself out

*yesterday*
Client: "Perfect! How did you do this so quickly?"
Me: "I used a library"
*today*
Me: "I'm still debugging. It will take some time"
Client: "Well, it has already taken too long...I can hear Mozart in the background. Maybe you need to go to a library to get some quiet and get it done fast. Visit the one you used yesterday."
Me: "Library?...Ah, I meant plugin...like, code...a library is a bunch of packaged code"

1. Put headphones
2. Put videogame OST (Chrono Trigger is the best)
3. Start Atom
4. Sacrifice a male virgin to my Code Muse to replenish her mana stock
5. Jerk off seeing a fat granny midget porn
6. Clorophorm and put my coworker to sleep so he doesn't interrupt me to show the FailArm best fails of 2016
7. Atom is still loading, so I curse all the GitHub fuckers
8. Give up and start my emulator to play Chrono Trigger
9. Receive a pull request and realise I need to work and be a productive member of society
10. Goto 1

Ah, let me open my half baked personal Android project. Maybe I'll finish it this time.

*opens Android studio*

"You have shitloads of updates. Please download and restart now"

Ok, makes sense. I haven't opened it for a month.

*runs the app*

"CoolApp has crashed"

What the fuck? It was all working before. WTF happened.

*half an hour of online research*

The google play service version is somehow fucked up. So let's fix that.

*App opens*

Yay! Let me login right away!

*Login via google doesn't work*

I didn't even touched the bloody code.

*another half an hour of research. Nothing works*

Fuck this shit.

When you have a problem, google it and the stackoverfl0w link is purple...

bro everything isn't ok

!rant

Working on a C++ game engine

❎ Client not paid?
✅ Add opacity to the body tag and increase it every day until their site completely fades away

Everytime

Most progress/loading bars are fake.

I can't be the only one with this problem

My wife just guessed the wifi password at a cafe.

Can you fall in love twice?

You will never exit this fitness club. 😜

I'm pretty sure Shakespeare didn't say that.