So the bosses and general peeps at work never close our door properly.

Finally earning the "engineer" part of our job titles :p!

Reviewing coworker's code:

Me: I see you're doing a convoluted sort for every element twice to get your two lists in sync... 😐
CoWorker: Yeah. *straight face, no regrets* That's the only way to do this.
Me:... Uh... No? You can just manage one list with a simple struct and then use the the standard sort.
Coworker: Yeah sure I know. But it'll take time. We don't have time.
Me: *aghast* This is embarrassingly bad code!
Coworker: Don't worry, later on I'll use a hashmap for it. But this needs to be pushed now.
Me: *to myself, no you don't need a hashmap*
Okay, you do you but I can't back you on this. It isn't going to take a lot of time to correct it.

Next day.
Coworker: Hey can you review my code again?
Me: You've made the changes already? *in a bored tone, knowing that they wouldn't have changed shit*
Coworker: No this is a different file. Our manager agrees that we can worry about performance later.
Me: Sure. *😀🔨🔨*

Few weeks pass by:
QA: The operation takes absurdly long time to complete even with the smallest data. Ten minutes for X is unacceptable.
Me: Who would've known? ☺️

I'm a lead engineer, I design, I code, I debug, I test, I struggle, I deliver, I'm just a basic building block in my company, hardly involve in product roadmap planning. This is pretty clear in my LinkedIn profile. Jp Morgan recruiter called me for Vice president role. VP? Seriously? me skipping 4-5 levels, just with an interview process? Are you kidding me?
I asked her two times "...are you sure?", I lost my words, somehow gathered courage and asked, "what's the portfolio looks like, how many people will report to me?" Then she, calmly revealed that it's just an ic dev role and they name it that ways in their company.

What the actual ducking-duck-duckkk!

P.s. not sure about jpmc rest of the world but that's how it is in jp Morgan india.

We were running an obfuscator as part of our build pipeline, but also were not. I discovered we had disabled every rule, and after asking around it turns out that the obfuscator broke the app (because of reflection and things I won't go into).

So I turned it off.

An hour later the CTO came to me and said to put it back. "We have to obfuscate, put it back."

"But... it wasn't doing anything, other than slowing the build down."

"I don't care, we HAVE to run obfuscation. It's in our contract with the client."

...

Not really a rant about coding itself, but it's a rent, I'm a dev, so here ya go:

I have a German citizenship, but am living in Hungary temporarily. Also, I need internet. So I go to the website of UPC, register, order a package, etc. Just as I would do anywhere else....... Except for the fact , that they just called me that I should send them my passport, because they neither accept my German ID, my Hungarian registration card or anything else. I DON'T HAVE A PASSPORT YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! I LIVE IN THE EU, I DON'T NEED A PASSPORT!!

But the best part was when they told me I should just ask my mother to make the contract for me, because she does have a Hungarian citizenship. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!

Android and Full Stack dev here. Also first post.

No boss, i won't call that client to tell him how to configure ssl for his Outlook.

Everytime when I meet new people -_-

Transport management system support team:

Me: Good day, how may i assist?

Client: Hi, Can you help me setup my printer?

Me:* Sighs deeply with great discretion*

Me: Sorry mam but we don't do that here, we
only deal with issues regarding the TMS.
You would have to contact your IT guy

Client: but you are our IT guys

Me: *Sighs even deeper*

Me: Unfortunately mam we are not your "IT
guys"

Client: Well, This issue needs to be fixed

Me: Yes mam, yes it does *Hangs up phone*

Me showing boss a draft document

Me: Ok so this is a placeholder list of statuses, I have to call the client to find out what statuses should go here.

Boss: Hold on lemme read it. *Reads*. But this list of statuses is incomplete, you should call the client to find out what statuses we should add.

Me: ಠ_ಠ

Struggle is real

All time favorite,

After nearly 30 years developing, I've seen plenty of irrelevant job emails, but this one shows I can still be surprised! I'm struggling to think what in my profile could even come close to matching me for this role.

Now I've seen it all!

Recruiters trying to grab my attention by using my name in the subject line - only they forgot to change it from the previous candidate. Ouch!

One of our team members would write his name in a comment before and after every line of code he writes!
Like we got version control we can see the changes that have been made and by whom there is no need for this narcissistic behavior.

Bought a new bike \o/

I still miss my old bike though.
https://devrant.com/rants/1271085/...

I see more than just a changelog!

Got me thinking..

Some of my coworkers call connecting with SSH "git bashing", because they use git bash for making ssh connections. 😋
They never understand me when I use the term "SSH". 😔

What a day and what an achievement!!!

Today ladies and gentlemen I broke my record for number of passive aggressive “as per last email” comments, in a single email.

I now stand at 11

Today is a great day and I’d like to thank everyone not reading my emails who got me to this point. You guys are the real record holders!

It's a merge conflict

Client just informed our support that they solved their own forgotten password problem by clicking the "forgot password" button in our app. They say they are now awaiting the email with the password recovery details.

One problem: we don't have a forgot password button in our app.

After 3 tech rounds and an assignment submission they finally offered me a job.
ME: I am so excited to be part of...errr do you guys work on Saturdays ?
HR: Yes! we have kept Saturdays as our hack/discussion da...
ME: See you never!!!

Wait what's that? You don't use version control on Production servers?
You want me to do what?
You want me to rename every file I have to replace with an underscore and the date after the extension so it looks like this?
SHIT.JAR_01262019
You've got to be fucking kidding me right!?
No?
Oh the production server is down again?
Is it because we're not using the right Jar file?
Well shit, I wonder why that's happening...

My boss intentionally changed my IDE font color to black since im using dark theme. I was literally confused a solid 30 minutes.

FFFFUUUUUCK

Source : (Reddit | u/_sepjan_)

Bypass me if u can :)

I've got a teacher (math) in the university that let us use our phones as a calculator in the exam but without sim card and of course no wifi. I've spent a few hours programming a very ugly CLI app which let me calc and show me the steps of every type of exercise.
Another probe that programming can save your ass.
The exam wasn't difficult but basically they tell you to solve a few problems applying different methods, that hasn't advantage from others.

Windows 10, coming to a train station near you.

Waiting on page break....