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Her: Hey, just heard what John did to you.
Me: Yea. I can't believe he screwed me over like that. I thought he was my friend.
Her: Don't worry. Forget about the bustard. You know #FFF
Me: 🙁 #FFF? What does white got to do with all this.
Her: What???
Me: #FFF. This is white.
Her: Nooooo. It means Fuck Fake Friends. As in the G. Eazy song.
Me: Ohhh😐23 -
Fuck You blue car driver who is texting and just cut in front of me! I accidentally double tapped the wrong rant!4
-
Me: *staring at computer screen, not looking busy*
Boss: Why are you not working?
Me: I am, I'm just waiting for this thing to finish installing.
Boss: You do realize you can still do other stuff while that's running, right?
Me: Didn't you send me an article last week about the dangers of multitasking?
Boss: um...
Me: *now intently staring at progress bar..."
Boss: fuck sakes... *walks away*11 -
FUCK YOU, STOP FUCKING WITH ME! my stupid fucking colleague has just replaced all the semi colons in my repo with Greek question marks for the 5TH FUCKING TIME THIS MONTH. it wasn't funny to start, it isn't funny now, so take your fucking rat-like grin and hyena laugh and FUCK OFF AND WORK! fuck me28
-
FUCK HIM! FUCK HIM!
JUST CAME TO REALISE THAT AN OLD CLASSMATE DURING UNIVERSITY STOLE 2 OF MY PROJECTS AND PUBLISHED 2 PAPERS UNDER HIS NAME.
HE EVEN ADDED THEM IN HIS CV.
SUCH PEOPLE SHOULD DIE.
Recently, at 2am, he even called me and asked for some doubts on other topic, I helped him too. Turns out such he was such a cheap person.
Let him call me next time...28 -
B: you are not even a real developer
Me: ??
B: you are using windows
Me:
Me: what the fucking fuck did you just fucking say you little fuck? Ill have you know i have written at least 4 lines of code, commented once and have a stackoverlfow reputation of -7. I have completed every beginner level udemy course on applied brainfuck mathematics and have worked as a distributed data analyst with excel 03. You are nothing to me, every piece of code i write runs on exactly 3 billion devices and i have an unsuccessful facebook meme page. Bitch.5 -
What the fuck!? Did you just fucking say you don't want to discuss API endpoints with me because I'm just a frontend developer? Get the fuck down from your imaginary backend throne and talk to me like the software engineer that I am. That's right, I'm a software engineer too, you fucking asshole. Just because you do backend and I do frontend doesn't mean you can talk down to me. And I swear that the next time you say you made all the work and I just have to "style it" I'll just leave. You can "style it" yourself.34
-
FUCK YOU TOO COFFEE MACHINE!
HANDING ME YOUR STUPID FUCKING SHITTY WATER BACK. YOU'RE SUPPOSED BREW SOME FUCKING COFFEE TO FUCKING MAKE ME AWAKE WITH ONE FUCKING HOUR OF SLEEP NOT PISS IN MY CUP!
I'll just go back to bed...5 -
When I still studied, quite some people found me paranoid.
One of my friends started whispering 'NSA is watching' whenever he walked by me and after a while, whenever any of my friends were near me AND near a camera or whatsoever, they all whispered that same phrase.
Then I thought fuck it and just joined with whispering that. So throughout the whole day everyone would whisper that around me and I just participated 😆9 -
So my friend started a YouTube channel, being the motivational man I am I encouraged him and made him a logo for his channel.
It started here, he called me a bazillion times every single day asking me to make stuff like Channel banners, intros.
He even went so far to call my design bad and that I could do better.
I'm definitely losing my hold on my generosity, it's like this with every single fucktard I help. It's like programmers don't get to have a life, people pitch me stupid ideas at every party.. Having a casual conversation a guy starts talking about an idea.
Oooh... And the worst part they say you can have 60% and just give them 40% 'MINORITY' share for coming up with an idea I could pull up from my arse instantaneously
Next time he asks me something I'm gonna fuck him up or just charge him a bazillion dollars... FUCK FUCK FUCK... REALLY GOT TO BUY THAT STUPID STRESS CUBE15 -
*Friend's phone isn't sending messages*
Me: "Have you tried turning it off and back on again?"
Friend: "Oh fuck off"
Me: "Well have you? just do it."
*restarts phone, it works*
Me: "funny how that happens"2 -
A teacher who came to see if I'm programming correctly asked me to start my curly braces on a new line like
F()
{
}
because where the fuck did you learn the other version
F() {
}
" that's just wrong"28 -
Dropped out of college. Got a job. Happily earning while doing what I love doing.
I still meet wise asses who tell me “...but you should still go back and get a degree...just to be safe”.
Shut the fuck up guys, just SHUT THE FUCK UP AND FUCK DEGREES22 -
Me: tried to HTML like a sad anime girl
(someone spots me)
Dude: yo you're good (I'm just making a bouncing ball in HTML in peace) wanna join our group?
Me: uh sure
(Finds out I just entered a coding competition group going to be sent somewhere minutes later after being added to the Telegram group)
Fuck me3 -
Me: hello IE, you see that div with id?
IE: ...... ..... .... yes.
Me: would you like to set it as absolute and stick to bottom?
IE: ........... i don't know...
Me: but all the other guys like chrome and firefox are doing it.. come on it's not object-fit: cover; just absolute positioning. Please.
IE: ......... I can't!
Me: why the fuck not??
IE: ......because I don't see the id...
Me: FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!!!!!
IE:...............12 -
Friend: So what's the plan for Christmas
Me: Nothing much just coding
Friend: No apart from work
Me: Yeah coding
Friend: That means, you not getting drunk or laid this Christmas
Me: No, because I can't C Sharp when coding
Friend: Fuck developers2 -
Well fuck me. Just went to my first meetUp with a group of Haskell programmers.
I think they broke Enigma in 3 lines of code.
Serious shit.
Hats off to those guys!7 -
I'm not really one for news, but apparently (a while ago) there was some 12 year old who taught himself to code and made his own apps and whatnot. Girlfriend informed me of this.
Just got told that I'm a useless piece of shit because Im 23 and don't develop apps and I'm not rich like this kid. Fuck man. I develop mostly server side software, and I personally fucking wrote half the shit the company uses. No one really knows, so naturally in the silent developer. Don't much care about that. But fuck, being told I'm useless because a 12 year old has more money than me really made me take one straight to the balls. Now I'm sitting here, moping, downloading android studio, and just going to prove a person wrong. I can fucking code an app, it's not that hard.
Should have just said fuck off, but I don't have the strength and effort to face flying cups anymore.
Android sdk, here I come.12 -
Wait what's that? You don't use version control on Production servers?
You want me to do what?
You want me to rename every file I have to replace with an underscore and the date after the extension so it looks like this?
SHIT.JAR_01262019
You've got to be fucking kidding me right!?
No?
Oh the production server is down again?
Is it because we're not using the right Jar file?
Well shit, I wonder why that's happening...2 -
I just want to shout that I'm freaking tired of being used and not pay for my services because of fucking friendship!! WHAT THE FUCK!! IM DONE WITH YOUR CRAAAP!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT FUCKING PROJECT TAKES ME 3 DAYS TO FINISH AND YOU WILL JUST SAY THANK YOU?????!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! :(16
-
HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE!
Just when I thought today was my last day at this job they tell me contract has been extended by another 5 weeks... Fuck yes! :-D5 -
Fucking co-worker!!
This asshole blamed the delay in delivery of the project on me.
I mean what the fuck dude, I was just helping you out. That wasn't even my job.
Pathetic people!5 -
Come to think of it, Java really reminds me of fidget spinners.
A lot of people love it.
A lot of people hate it.
And then there's me who just doesn't give a fuck.3 -
Working with a team of 5 for a college project.
Told them how to use GitHub.
Guess what.
Fuck you and fuck GitHub, they are sending me Dropbox links to download project (npm modules included).
I’m out, fuck this class and fuck college i just can’t6 -
> Gained the skills to atleast land an internship
> Hyped asf
> Start applying for jobs
> Hyped asf
> Days go by without a response
> Hype starts dying
> Gets a REAL email delivered to my inbox asking to come in for an interview
> Hype levels regenerated
> Interview goes great and both founder and senior dev are fine with hiring me
> Founder needs to talk with co-founder first before giving the go and said he will get back to me in a day or two.
> The hype is too real
> 5 days go by without a reponse
> Hype levels: all time low
> Decide to follow up, founder said he left for a conference before the co-founder came back to talk about it and said he will get with her and let me know in a few days.
> The hypening is back
> A week goes by with no response
> I'm dead inside rn.8 -
When you watch Mr.Robot with your friends ... Once, he saw me using a terminal :
"hey dude, i have a Facebook account that i want you to hack"
Me :
"It's just zsh fuck off ..."5 -
WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP WASTING MY FUCKING TIME WITH POINTLESS MEETINGS ABOUT WHAT METHODOLOGIES YOU GONNA USE TO GET THE FUCKING DATA????
JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING DATA AFTER YOU DISCUSS THIS SHIT AND TELL WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE TO DO WITH IT!!!
FUCKING WASTING MY FUCKING TIME AND WANTING SHIT TO BE DONE! WHAT THE FUCK!5 -
Excuse me, What the fuck?
This happened to me. some guy (or gal) rated my app 2 stars just because it couldn't download my app.
later on it replied me with a sorry message and said that app is really good. but it did'nt increased the stars 😑
7 -
Idk if somebody already told you this today, so I'll do it just to be safe.
FUCK JAVA SERVER PAGES
FUCK JAVA SERVER FACES
FUCK JSWING
FUCK JQUERY
AND ESPECIALLY FUCK JQUERY UI
FUCK ALL OF THIS OUTDATED SHIT
I'LL NEVER USE IT AFTER SCHOOL, BECAUSE IT'S SHIT!
Repeat after me
S H I T !11 -
Just landed summertime job at Autodesk. My first IT related job experience. Happy af
Fuck me right6 -
Why the fuck do teachers take points off for coding style. Like really placing my open house brace on the same line as an if is what looks good TO ME. And breaking from a while loop with an inverted condition is nicer than a huge if TO ME. Fuck it I like the m_ for member variables too. And yes C++ usually names functions like someFunction, but I like how c# does SomeFunction. Like shit, it's personal I don't care that I lose 5points every test I do it just to say fuck you21
-
If I have to register on your shitty fucking forum just to see the damn API docs to hardware I have bought with my own money, then you can go fuck yourself. This is absolute cancer. Now I have another useless service that is 100% going to send me annoying fucking emails.
Fuck you.6 -
Client: How's our B2B data lookup platform coming along?
Me: All done, your clients can now search by first/last name as well.
Client: I just search "fuck" as first name and 5 results came up, our data is not cleaned up properly.
Me: Fuck
Client: Fuck2 -
Me, going on a vacation
"Fuck yeah, finally a break, beach, grill, nice. Im not bringing my laptop, theres no way im touching any code."
Me, 10 minutes after i got on the bus
"Oh, i figured out whys that one thing not working, let me just get my lapt...shit"6 -
FUCK OFF!! JUST. FUCK. OFF.
I've been studying for around 4 hours and my roommate just asked me "why do you take so much time to study? Reading through it twice should be more than enough"
Simply reading trough it twice he said. MOTHERFUCK I'M NOT EVEN DONE READING THIS SHIT, THAT I'LL NEVER APPLY IRL, ONCE AND I AM NOT A KIND OF GENIUS THAT REMEMBERS EVERY DAMN DATA OK BY READING SHIT TWICE LIKE YOU. PUT YOURSELF IN MY DAMN POSITION YOU INSENSITIVE FUCK4 -
PM: "Why are you absent on a regular holiday?"
FUCK, I JUST NEED THAT DAY TO GET PAID AND REST AND YOU WANT ME TO WORK FOR IT DURING HOLIDAYS?13 -
Friend asked my if I could create his webshop.
I agreed.
Some time after that he told me “It’s ok. Will install WordPress. If it doesn’t work I will come back.”
1) I don’t like to be your second choice
2) FUCK WP
Just now he came back: “Hi WP works, but I have a problem removing x”
Me ...
F: “Fix it”
Me “Sorry don’t work on command”
F: “Just do it we are friends”
...
To be continued10 -
Me: *Browsing normally*
Crappy website: *Obnoxious Ad*
Me: *Installs AdBlock*
Crappy website: *adblock pls disable*
FUCK JUST LET ME BROWSE14 -
*Copies url from bitbucket*
*Switch to Slack on macOS*
*Presses command + v*
Slack: whaaaaaaaaaat :O I'm gonna freeze for few moments to understand what the fuck you just asked me to do4 -
I am 21 and I just found out that I have rheumatoid arthritis in my fingers
I think a little part, no ,a huge chunk inside of me just died.
Why the fuck does life keep piling shit...
what's the fucking point....35 -
Why the fuck do people care about age so much?
Unlike other activities, you can be 15 years old and be as good as a senior dev, so why the fuck do you need to degrade me because you found out my age?
I still deliver the promised work, so what the fuck?
As for kids who try to get recognition because they're young and program, well, fuck you too!
Programming isn't about age or maturity, since in this age of tech, anyone can pick up a computer and an internet connection and learn, so why do you feel that younger individuals have less capabilities?
I just had to get that out of me since it pisses me off a fuck load.16 -
Fuck all the companies that doesn't specify that they won't provide sponsorship for the applicant before job application.
I applied to this fucking piece of shit company that took me an hour. Created a custom cover letter and modified my CV just for them.
And they reply me with an email saying that they won't provide sponsorship and have rejected my application.
You motherfucker can refuse me in 5 minutes, but you piece of horseshit can't be bothered to write a simple point in your job description.
Fucking die in hell. Fuck you.1 -
Okay, fuck me if everyone knows this but me, but CSS3 transitions supports letter-spacing.
So I was just fucking around and experimenting and I found that I could make a button whose text spreads out elegantly when you hover over it.
Fuck, that's cool.6 -
I am seriously getting pissed off at these so called web developers on Instagram... More often than not I stumble upon an image of vs code with some Lorem ipsum code on the screen.
Just now I saw a picture that drew my attention, so I clicked on to the profile and fuck me in the rectum from a 90 degree angle this is what I see. Visual communication does not FUCKING EQUAL WEB DEVELOPMENT.
DAMN IT, JUST FUCK OFF.
15 -
FUCK OFF, YOU FUCKING USELESS PILES OF CRAP
WHY THE FUCK CAN'T COMPANIES JUST TEST THEIR FUCKING APPS FOR ONCE?!?
LINKEDIN GOES INTO A FUCKING CAPTCHA LOOP
SNAPCHAT/INSTAGRAM ARE AS SLOW AND ATTRACTIVE AS A SLIGHTLY RUNNY SHIT
ROCKSTAR IS FULL OF MONGS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE A WORKING FUCKING GAME
GOOGLE IS FULL OF PERVERTED FUCKERS WHO TRACK YOU EVERYTIME YOU LOOK UP A FUCKING RECIPE.
FUCK THIS WORLD, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T BIG COMPANIES JUST MAKE SOFTWARE WITH THE USERS IN FUCKING MIND?!?!?
FUCK ME, I'M ANGRY10 -
Holy fuck nvidia. Why the fuck you want me to login to your fucking app in order to download a fucking driver. You also want me to click a fucking link that you sent to my email for verification on every fucking login? Why on earth someone would stole my fucking nvidia account? To see which drivers I use? What the fuck nvidia? Oh wait. DO YOU DARE ASK ME TO SETUP TWO FACTOR AUTH TO SECURE MY ACCOUNT?!? What the fuck? Even if I put my credentials online no one would care to login my fucking nvidia account. Just let me download my fucking driver!6
-
Idiots just prefer to berate you for using computer more than they do.
Fuck you. It's my tool that helps me do my job.
Don't compare me to some smartphone addicted teens.3 -
Me : I should start building user authentication system.
inner self : there are enough free and secure ones out there, just go read the documentation.
Me : fuck I'm not reading 10000 pages of documentation written in alien language.
inner self : well then you better start building
Me : **writes code
Inner self : you better add the data validation and security while coding
Me : I just want it to work !
Me after a few days trying not to suicide : the site is hacked, the code is bugged, hello darkness my friend5 -
Does anyone else really dislike "foo", "bar" and "baz"? Because fuck me I do. My brain can't process that stuff, I need some actual real world context.
or, maybe i'm just dumb.8 -
Mate - whatcha doing ...
Me - oh just hacking nasa
Mate - seriously!? 😯😨
Me - OOOOh yeah I do it all the time see (shows similar photo)
Mate - don't hack me 😭
Me (in head) - you poor dumb fuck...
Me irl - I won't if you don't piss me off 😏
9 -
I started working in a company where they use scala/akka stack, that requires a huge amount of hw resources to compile and debug, so my boss bought me a new laptop: a MacBook Pro. I came from a Dell with Linux Fedora, and now:
FUCK YOU APPLE YOUR COMPUTERS ARE SO SHITTY
JUST EXPLAIN ME WHY THE FUCKING KEYBOARD IS SO A PIECE OF SHIT WITH THE FUCKING COMMAND KEY
FUCK YOU COMMAND KEY
FUCK YOU MAC OS WITH YOUR SHITTY POLICIES YOU CAN'T INSTALL THIS PROGRAM BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO ENABLE UNKNOWN RESOURCES
FUCK YOU BREW AND BREW CASK WHAT THE FUCK OF TWO SHOULD I USE
FUCK THE STUPID TOUCHBAR I WANT THE FUCKING ESC, DELETE, F1, F2 AND SO ON
FUCK YOU APPLE YOUR MAC IS FRAGILE AS FUCK I CAN'T THROW THAT FROM THE FIFTH FLOOR OF MY BUILDING LIKE A THINKPAD
FUCK YOU SAFARI THAT YOU DON'T REFRESH THE PAGE WITH F5
I have a small gif for you just to explain how much shitty is Mac OS
17 -
I was just testing the Postfix server on one of my mailers, for the hell of it.. EHLO, STARTTLS, all good. Then comes the mail submission part.
MAIL FROM test@nixmagic.com
Connection closed by foreign host.
Right after I say mail from, it just closes the connection! Is it just me or does this feel like the server says to me "fuck off"? :')18 -
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
I HAVE A TEST TOMORROW AT 8 AM AND I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SLEEP SINCE 12.30 AM. IT'S 6 AM ALREADY, 6 AM!
I guess when they no screens before sleeping they really mean it. I'm fucked, I'm really fucked. I guess I'll stare the ceiling until the alam goes off and accept an awful day and hope I get pumped up during the test or something. Fuck me. I want to fucking SLEEP. Fuck.
I just wanted to install vivaldi before sleeping and watch the last rick and morty episode. Does that fucking make me a fucking night owl? No. I could've use these precious time learning or writing code, or even sleeping, but fuck! I'm stuck here in time, just waiting for fucks sake!
Good night...
OR That's what I WOULD say if I could sleep...16 -
Fuck you dickhead. If you don't like how I'm doing things, just fucking do them yourself. Or how about you give me some specifications, designs, a consistent database model? No? Fine, then don't fucking complain when I make do with what I have.4
-
Love my android. But oh my fucking stars in a pickle jar... I just did a damn software update. The fuck you mean I have one??? Wasn't even 5 minutes ago. Why are you making me do this???15
-
Beginning Open Beta testing for a chatbot in a thursday
Friend: What the fuck are these inputs?
Me: just filter them out
Friend: Good fucking lord I was right to disable unsupervised learning
Me:Now you know1 -
Dear Laptop manufacturers,
Why the FUCK would you place the power button where the 'Delete' should be? Just so that you accidentally can turn off your pc while typing? Fuck you.
If anyone know a good laptop that is thin and light, 14" and has the power button outside of the keyboard area, please tell me.12 -
Welp, fuck that shit.
The boss just called me to tell me d good news that they won't need me anymore...
I made them 1 project for about a year ( + fixing/updating few other projects )
... and that apparently is all they need for now and r gonna back to IT crowd ( read this as 2 ppl IT department )
was fun =]2 -
PM, on kickoff meeting: good code speaks for itself, need no documentation
PM, on UAT day: how does this features work, where is the documentation for it?
Dev: Just do me a favor and go fuck yourself.1 -
i am fucking tired of companies that come to me expecting to magically fix their STEAMING PILE OF BULLSHIT AND TRASH CODE. how about when i ask "can i get a project brief", instead of saying "just fix it" or "it just needs to do this", GIVE ME A FUCKING COHERENT AND DESCRIPTIVE WRITEUP OF EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED. i can't read your minds, let alone read the code the previous cock sucking developer wrote, so guess what? i'm left with no other option but to completely rewrite it. to top it off, instead of giving me god damn excuses as to why you can't get me the api key for your order processing, MAKE A NEW ACCOUNT AND GET IT TO ME. how the fuck do you expect me to test an application when i don't even have access to the fucking api the whole shit pile is based around? i swear to god if these people expect me to have this done by the end of the week but want to be little cunt nuggets they can go eat shit. fuck you, fuck your "contract", fuck your company, FUCK EVERYTHING. greedy, shit faced bastards2
-
Me : *trying to download latest version of android studio*
Google: "Your client does not have permission to get URL /studio/index.html from this server. That’s all we know."
Me: FUCK YOU GOOGLE
Me: *googles: دانلود اندروید استودیو* (which means download android studio)
*and downloads it from a random website*
It happens every goddamn time, why the fuck i can't download this shit !? Because these countries are fighting each other all the time! What did i do wrong in my life? I just want to download your fucking app to write another shitty app to continue my fucking life. I don't know shit about this wars happening, I'm just a dev like others all over the world.
Downloading an app, is that too much to ask? Well fuck you then.
14 -
Fuck sake :(
So I just checked my bank to find out I'm in an extra £300 debt because my fucking letting agency took my rent AFTER I MOVED IT FOR £98 BECAUSE I COULDN'T AFFORD IT.
Why the fuck is the world throwing turd after steaming turd at me, first the streets, then family, then job, then debt, now a constant barrage of shit. Just feel like ending it now so I don't have to deal with this shit anymore, fuck the human race and the shithole upside down society they've made :'(5 -
Win 10 is the best, I love how it just restarts without asking, no more hassle of me having to confirm anything, or save data first. finally an OS that has the confidence to just do whatever the fuck it wants, so awesome!3
-
Me: How can I delete pushed commits from origin?
Colleague: Just do git reset --hard and then git push -f
Me: But this is dangerous
Colleague: Wait, I'll do it myself
Colleague: Done
Me: But nothing happened
Colleague: Fuck. I just removed all changes on my own branch
2 -
Client : We need real time analysis.
Me : But we can't just scrape thousands of results and process them on user's click.
Client : Don't do that, Real-time analysis is scraping it once and processing it everytime the user demands.
Me : Okay
WHAT THE FUCK !!!!!7 -
Me starting a project: Okay I'm stuck with this project I'll just shelve this for now
[3 weeks later]
*comes back to project*
*find a solution with problem I came stuck with*
WHAT THE FUCK BRAIN WHY DID IT TAKE YOU 3 WEEKS TO HELP ME FIX SHIT WRYYYYY7 -
This just happened. What the actual fuck!
I'll try my shot to experience. They are bad that doesn't mean I shouldn't experience.
It'll give me some different perspective and learnings.
51 -
GoDaddy has just called me to help me setup my website, that I've been using for 4 months now. What the actual fuck.4
-
So according to google domains I just put in a transfer request 5 days in the future... Fuck me I need to learn to contain these powers...
19 -
It's almost weekend!
But wait! My colleague just changed some code in the production environment. Whoop! Guess what! It's broken now
Fuck you, stop bothering me. I have to celebrate weekend with non-existing friends.11 -
Fuck life, fuck this society and especially fuck my brain - waking me up at 6 AM and immediately making me burst into tears because bipolar... I mean come on! I can't even sleep anymore?! I know it's hard falling asleep but waking me up just to cry? ...why...21
-
boss: wish there was a way to go back to older versions..
me: there is, it's called git, I can show you how to use it!
boss: nah we will just keep using the sync on Dreamweaver
me:....the fuck?!2 -
Me in school: Math? When do I need know those details? I can look them up and just code it.
Me in high school: Computer science is way too math-y. I want to code!
Me coding php: Just make it work.
Me coding typescript: Just make it work.
Me coding scala: Just make it ... what ... how do I make it work!?!
Me asking stackoverflow: How do I do X in scala some functional programming stuff in mind in order to keep immutability.
Somebody way smarter than I: "In scalaz, a function A => A is called an endomorphism and is a Monoid whose associative binary operation is function composition and whose identity is the identity function"
Me now: Fuck my old arrogant self.1 -
I fucking HATE when people tell me:
"Oh you are using Unity? What kind of dumb shit uses Unity! Isnt its only purpose to make shovelware and shit?!"
THIS MAKES ME FURIOS AT MOST POINTS! AND I WANT TO PUNCH THOSE DIPWIT COCKS WHO ALWAYS THINK ANYTHING OTHER THAN UNITY IS GOOD, IN THE FUCKING FACE! TWICE!
unity isnt just for SHOVELWARE and CHEAP SHITGAMES, it has some really good potential when in the RIGHT FUCKING HANDS!! FOR FUCK SAKE!
(If you want an example look up dronethegame.com currently in crowdfunding) FUCK THESE PEOPLE...
FUCK17 -
What the fuck Visual Studio? Last day my app was compiling succesfully. I DID NOT CHANGE ANY SINGLE FUCKING THING BEFORE I LEFT OFFICE. Today it refused to compile. It didn't even show the source of error, just says missing a reference.
- Clean solution, rebuild. Compile error
- Close VS re-open project. Compile error.
- Restart computer. Compile error.
- Close VS re-open project. Compile succesfully.
WHAT THE FUCK DID JUST HAPPEN? I could't believe it if it didn't happen to me. Is this shit compiling just by luck or what?5 -
Really Microsoft really you're going to make me upgrade to the new fucking shitty version of Skype. Just let me keep it how it is and fuck right off. I already deal with all your shit in Windows.
19 -
Me: there it is, app is complete and work correctly
Friend: What is this 5 warnings?
Me: It's nothing just ignore them
Friend: If you are a true developer fix these warnings
Me: (after 5 hours) compile..... 14 Error, 😡 fuck you I want my warnings back3 -
You've just sent slides upon slides to me called "feedback" but in each you just describe the behavior of what happens on screen.
News flash: I KNOW WHAT THE CURRENT BEHAVIOUR IS. IF I WANTED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT THE CURRENT BEHAVIOUR IS, I WOULD ASK, BUT OBVIOUSLY, I CAN DO THAT MYSELF, SO INSTEAD, I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU COULD DESCRIBE THE DESIRED BEHAVIOUR YOU ARE SEEKING, THAN LITERALLY SAYING 'THE BUTTON NAVIGATES ME TO THE NEXT SCREEN WHEN I PRESS IT'
YOU FUCK
DUMB FUCK
CLWON SHIOWEIHOP'ASDFGHIO;DFJBKL;HDFG ADSBFHKL;ASDGIOPSDAFJOFEJAIOLADS FSAD ASAAAASDGADGSFADGS6 -
Just found out with client, a recruiter played double agent, charged 25% on me and 20% on client, a whopping 45% commission! Fuck off.
Thankfully it’s only a small project. We are both hiring dev soon so he lost a good chunk of business, at least from me, for perpetuity.1 -
This is not fucking security, it's obscurity! What the fuck is a memorable word without any context! It drives me up the fucking wall. This doesnt help anyone it just promotes people to put silly shit like password or something so they won't forget but it just makes their account weaker.
19 -
"get lost"
The fucker was just saying he would not help me, but in the end I should have taken the advice literally and got the fuck out of that fucked up place. -
I do like Windows, it is a quite good OS nowadays, but for FUCK SAKE, what does it take to fix that CLUSTER FUCK that you call search? You don't have enough people MS or what? Just show me the BLOODY ITEMS that actually contain the words that I typed in!!! While you are at it WOULD YOU MIND LEAVING ME THE FUCK ALONE WITH THE FUCKING WEB RESULTS???9
-
When your manager casually mentions that you're(me) going to learn developing apps for iOS, when you obviously have a built in hate for Apple.
You just sit there thinking about how the fuck the situation escalated unexpectedly quick.7 -
FUCK FIREBASE, FUCK CLOUD MESSAGING, FUCK GOOGLE, FUCK APPLE, FUCK PUSH NOTIFICATIONS, FUCK PROGRAMMING AND FUCK MY LIFE. JUST TELL ME MOTHERFUCKERS WHY NOTIFICATIONS IS NOT WORKING ANYMORE, I SWEAR I DIDN'T CHANGE A SINGLE LINE OF THE FUCKING CODE. AND IT'S BEEN ONLY ONE WEEK SINCE THE LAST TIME I TESTED IT.5
-
TLDR: Scope creep.
Fuck it! I hate scope creep! 2 days before the deadline is due, slip in a little scope creep to bolster your already ambiguous as fuck scope! Of course, more fool me for taking on a project with a scope as ambiguous as this one. Or for accepting the 'just do x and y and your done' as gospel. But then again I enjoy paying my bills and you know, eating from time to time!
Fuck 'em! Fuck Clients! Fuck Scope Creep! Fuck Ambiguity to it's very Fucking core! Fuck it! Fuck me! Fuck code! I'm venturing under my table for a little cry and a sulk, then back at the god-damned grindstone to finish the project and all it's creepy scopy bits before the deadline tomorrow! FUCK!2 -
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!! FUCK YOU SPRING-DATA-NEO4J YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY YOU SHIT FUCK !!! FUCK YOU AND YOUR DELETE ON SAVE BULLSHIT!!!! OMFG!!!!!!! EVERYTIME IS SOME FUCKING SHIT THAT DELETES OTHER SHIT THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN DELETED!!! JUST FUCK YOU ALREADY IM GONNA REWRITE ALL THIS SHIT!!!!!!!1
-
On a scale of 1-10, how lazy are you when it comes to prototype code?
Me, well I'm a 'fuck it lets just wildcard anything that is a child of a GLib objects'
Don't be like me kids...
EDIT: Yes i know it should have been an override void
4 -
Fuck me Doom: Eternal is brilliant. People said what they liked and disliked about Doom 2016 and they just listened. Imagine that!10
-
FUCK YOU MR ROBOT JUSY TELL ME EVERYTHING THATS GOING ON THAT YOU HAVENT TOLD ME YET FOR FUCKS SAKE I JUST WANNA KNOW NOW!!!3
-
I don’t know what the fuck is going on here in Limburg (province in Belgium) but companies seriously need to stop using Comic Sans
I see it on banners, trucks, flyers and just about everything .. it seriously triggers me 😩8 -
Serously I just recoverd from being overworked and senior developers are complaining to me that their code does not work???
DUDE just read the fucking error and start googling!
How the fuck do you think I learned software development?
It's a fucking matter of trail 'n error!2 -
Just got a ticket reassigned to me from another employee leaving the company. The "Days to Due Date" field says -964.
It's for a very simple task that takes max 2 hours. Contacted the guy who created the ticket and it's still needed.
Excuse me what the fuck.4 -
I just woke up this morning to an email saying that someone from chile logged into my instagram account and I'm not actually what set me of the most.
The fact that my password was leaked, the fact I literally never got notified that I had a Instagram account I never wanted or the you have to disable most privacy settings, just to reset your password.
Like holy fuck, I disabled all options I could find on firefox concerning privacy/tracking and it still tells me I should disable some privacy settings.
So I enabled chrome again (fucking system app) and it worked on first try. Just as expected...
Anyway, fuck instagram and thank you dear hacker for telling me that I had a worthless to delete.5 -
!rant
If you don't even know what MySQL is, fuck off and let me do my job. Don't insist that you can't find the solution to the problem. That's why I'm here. Your incompetence and persistence are slowing me down and if you really want your stuff to be done on time, don't even dip your fingers into my codes. I know you may think that I need help, but your help is useless if you have zero knowledge and can't even understand the solutions given in stack overflow. I'm fine doing this on my own, so fuck off. Just. fuck. off.6 -
58 of 64 tests failed
Me: "what the actual fuck."
*spends 10 mins looking through logs wondering why these valid tests were marked as failed*
Me: "Oh shit I just configured the test case wrong"1 -
Uhm... am I the only one who thinks this is a vague as fuck answer and should've taken more than one sentence to properly inform users of their data protection methods? It can't be just me...
2 -
Turns out devrant is a school even for the experience because I just learnt something new today
FUCK YOU PAY ME!!!!
https://youtu.be/jVkLVRt6c1U
I love this, all thanks to devrant9 -
There's nothing like staying up all night, writing code at 3am by candlelight, drinking whiskey...
Or I can go to bed at 9pm Friday night feeling like absolute crap. That works too... Fuck having the flu, just kill me now... -
Today may be the day I walk the fuck out... Almost done with the 3rd revisions of the fucking website and guess what?
To - “Anony”
Subject - website
Hey, here’s a list of changes we’d like for the website. Instead of following the theme of “WhateverTheFucksHopsital.html” we’d like for it to look similar to “AnotherFucksWebsite.html”. The board would like to see this up and running in the next week.
How’s about you sit and spin. You haven’t given me any information on a website only that you want it to look like some other hospitals. Then, you add photographer to my fucking job description as well as information hunter. You can fuck yourself and higher an outside company to create your website from scratch again for the now 4th fucking time. Then, you’ll understand and see just how fucking expensive it is... Nor will that company take your shit with the lack of information coming from your end. You can kindly, suck my dick.2 -
Can I just say fuck Xcode? How the fuck have I been working on an app for over 3 hours and only now when I do the first compile do you feel like showing me an "Internal Error" message which has caused all of the buttons, labels, text and just objects in general to disappear4
-
WTF IS SUPPORT FOR?
A: Can you help fix X?
B: Can you help Y?
C: I see Z just crashes, fix it.
Me (in my mind): Can you tell me WTF is the actual problem and what investigation you have done?
Why the fuck are we paying you monkeys?
My company should just pay me all your salaries, and I will write a monitoring system to send out these types of "alerts" in a month.4 -
!dev
Fuck my internal clock, it's 11am, I went to sleep at 4am, I'm still tired and yet my body refuses to sleep any longer. Just let me sleep to my fullest for once!14 -
Fuck-a-doodle-do Fuck Fuck Fuck what a fucking dipshit. Scared the god damn shit out of me.
So I am deep in code, listening to my music pounding out some code and Drupal configurations and I feel a shadowy draft over my right side like someone is watching me.
I work with a guy that will not for the fucking life of me use Slack to send me a message when I have my headphones on or at all for that matter.
He gets up and walks to my cubicle and just stares with a goofy fucking grin on his face. You know the one. LIke a retarded fucking dog eating shit out of a wire brush. Yeah that's the grin. Silently derping with his fucking derp ass Derp McDerpington face waiting on you to turn around an notice him there instead of knocking on the cubicle wall or waving to get your attention.
The FUCK dude? CreepyPasta
2 -
WordPress makes me a violent person. I just fucking hate WordPress with all my guts.
Fuck WordPress. F U C K WordPress.5 -
Just another day at the office:
Boss: you need to leave early today because I am upgrading and reconfiguring the servers.
Me: ok, what happens if you fuck it up?
Boss: we lose all of our work
Me: but it's backed up right?
Boss: yeah, I think so
Me: ...ok, see ya tomorrow
1hr later
Text from boss: oops...6 -
There is just one thing that's been haunting me.
One.
Thing.
That I have yet to succeed at doing.
One thing.
That I have yet to understand it's mazehole.
ONE THING.
That I failed me as a developer.
How in the FUCK do I create my own mail server with my own domain name? HOW? JUST FUCKING HOWWWWW
WHAT THE FUCK IS THE SECRET!
WHAT AM I MISSING!!!!!
(no don't tell me about any of those office 365/GoDaddy/Windows bullshit, just guide me with something normal)8 -
Getting called just to ask if i have made the pull request. You could've just text me for fuck sake.1
-
I want to rant.
Can we just have a "CUT THE BULLSHIT" mode in racing games for people with jobs? Like fuck this shit, just give me all the Lamborghinis, McLarens and Bentleys and let me play the game god damn it.
I barely get time to play this game, now why the fuck do I have think about putting in extra effort to get rewards. And I'm the one paying you in the first place.
I just paid you 60 bucks for the game now why do I have to grind out the game with shitty ass cars to get a decent car where the game actually starts to be fun.11 -
Just listened to the podcast, Tim rogus known as "T Rogus" no fuck you! You will stay Trogus for me for all eternity!5
-
Seriously these assholes just gave me shit over half a day and made me use vacation time for a client holiday recently when I work so many hours that family and sleep are a fading fucking reminder of a different life....
Seriously....fuck you -
I've deliberately searched a tonne of tech related stuff so my Google feed shows me tech news, but just because I live in Australia in getting bombarded with shit about the royal family.... I don't give a fuck how you pronounce Louis, I just want news!1
-
It's not just the fucking money, it's my fucking time. U wanted Polymer but now React?!! Fuck me sideways!4
-
GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE OF A SINGLE FUCKING JOB REPLACED BY AI
JUST ONE
fucking rubes, touching around on their stupid iphone and laptop, pretty lights, colors, and sounds
"wow AI the future"
that's what most of reddit is to me
shut the fuck up30 -
My fucking pixel XL just broke. Fuck me, fuck this and fuck every fucking thing
I hope I'm not stuck with this broke ass piece of shit I used to use.4 -
Fuck me. 5 installation attempts later, still can't get arch to boot after removing the live usb. Do I have the wrong fucking kernel, cause it can't find it during boot now. Fucking hell, I just want this shit to run.30
-
How can people don't even fucking try to see if there is a better way?
Fuck, I'm constantly even trying to improve my fucking bath routine for fucks sake and these brainless monkeys are gonna be stuck forever with fucking "right click-copy right-click paste instead of keyboard shortcuts" ( just an analogy )
Fuck that makes me angry...2 -
FUCK YOU $CLIENT_NAME !
You tell me I've spent the last 6 months molesting and hacking your piece of garbage multistore prestashop?
Just for you to yet again, change the specifications, saying "I don't want a multistore anyway please split them up"
What an imbicile moron, you want me to duplicate the codebase/database 7 times? just to start "downgrading" each one individually? To make a few adjustments to each one.
What the fuck have you been smoking? I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.4 -
Is it just me, or are there any other devs, that just can't get going with python?
Every time, I try to do something, that is supposed to be simple, the language be like, "Bitch, hold on. I know I'm supposed to be the most simple language there is, but here I am again, to fuck you over. Your welcome.".
According to my friends, its actually just me.11 -
I actually like the nostalgic feeling (if that makes sense) when making emails. Like fuck flex, grid and absolute! Just me, my table and inline css4
-
bosses doesn't care about the scope of the projject they just want it to be done fast as possible. It's burning me out. Fuck this..6
-
Am I bad? I charged a client for an SSL Certificate and installation, but just used LetsEncrypt instead, cost me fuck all.6
-
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK YOU GOOGLE, you placed a damn email about an interview in the spam box and I only realized it 2 weeks afterwards. END ME, JUST DO IT NOW3
-
Wordpress and CSS...
REEEEEEE
God i’m pissed at this shit!!
Don’t even get me started on responsive design
When you have to override 48297 rules just to change a fucking text color
FUCK !important
YOUR !important
CSS !important15 -
I just fucking hate compiling this fucking C# (ASP.NET) code and then transferring to staging server. Fuck you.....no no no listen to me fuck you and fuck this shit.8
-
Been using Linux for years now and only now just discovered appimage's... Fuck me where have you been all my life?!
It's like snap and flatpak but not slow and shit! -
!dev
I just fucking hate people that have 10 years without talking to me and write me to ask for a favor.
Starting like: hey man how are you doing? Like you give a fuck about the shithole I'm at, just tell me what a fuck do you want and let me go back to my life.6 -
Gods are always looking out for me.
I got up at 4am to finish the work.
The meeting is at 9am.
So Gods turn the power off at 6am.
They want me to learn my lesson.
They just want me to plan ahead, manage my time and task wisely.
They just want me to become a better being.
They keep teaching me at every possible opportunities.
Yes, I understood. Yes.
But you know what, Gods?
Fuck you. Big fat ugly smelly fuck you. I can't tell you all to go die because you all are immortal and shit. So fuck you. I will never manage my time. I will always work at anytime anyhow I like. You think you can teach me? LMFAO. LOL. ROFL. You will never win. I will survive all the pain and shit. I will do what I like. So fuck you.2 -
Just love it when the client discloses their requirements in phases. M sitting here with the complete stack waiting for him to come online and fuck me a little more as he discloses the next phase. Client's done this 3 times already. Fuck that asshole.
-
I just found out that the company that i've just started contracting at has the entire of wordpress inside of a repo for quite a few of their sites.
Fuck me now.7 -
My mate just showed me these guys. How the fuck does that sound come out a cello?
https://youtu.be/uT3SBzmDxGk2 -
PR used to mean public relations to me few months back. Now it just means pull requests to me.
The fuck happened. Anyone says we need to improve our PR, I'm like how do you improve a pull request and I end up face palming -
What dumb twat decided to commit a change with the message “FUCK”. And it not just one, it’s 10 or more in a fucking row!!!!!
Thanks, that’s really gonna help me understand what was changed 😡5 -
Motherfucking Android Fucking Studio. Just told me there is an update for the fucking simulator, and after the update it refuses to even sync. Fuck!
8 -
I just downgraded from that shitty windows 10 to windows 7. Win 10 just decided its good to nuke itself while updating.... so fuck off!!
Dont judge me, its my secondary OS.
Primary is Debian!5 -
Fuck you Android Studio. You just prompted me to update, and now are saying The project is using an unsupported version of Gradle. Why the fuck did you not update Gradle (whatever the shit it is) yourself?
What was wrong with Eclipse? Why the fuck Google decided to move to this piece of crap?14 -
So my friend told me that he recommended me to be a new Creative Engineer.
-Oh shit, sweet, what are the requirements?
-I don't really understand that kind of stuff man, just look it up, here' the link
*Hmmm*
-Html,
*ok*
-Css,
*mhmm*
-Javascript
*sure*
etc etc...
and,
Actionscript
...
Excuse me?
Who the FUCK use actionscript nowadays ???2 -
That moment when you just quit your successful paying job just to have more time to study and try to pass the fucking piece of trash math exam.
Fuck my asshole, fuck my life and fuck that motherfucking college degree. If I don't pass, I will eventually kill my self or quit college.
Jeez, I wonder what was in my head when I enrolled in college, oh wait.. Parents, society brainwashed me to think I need top tier education to be a successful computer programmer engineer.
Fuck you society, fuck my brain, fuck everything.9 -
I will delete my question. Fuck you all! Fuck Shopware and your lack of support! Fuck StackOverflow and your erratic standards of downvoting, deleting, or simply ignoring helpful questions, while piling up React and jQuery details bullshit. Fuck you all seriously! Just typing this to see if anyone of you yankees cares enough to down vote or ban me. Fuck the fucking fuckers!18
-
Woke up this morning from a stressful week, thought fuck it and booked a nice hotel in York with a pool for me wife and son. Just enjoying yet another pint after an enjoyable day. Ready for the fan covered in shit.4
-
Fuck you BBC, I just want toblosten to fucking radio and you tell me that I "need" to sign in.
I do not want you to tell me what to losten to. I do not want "relevant" content, just want to listen to 30 mins of news.
Then you say it is easy to signup, but then ask for my exact date of birth as the first question wtf ...
5 -
Be me. Use DDG to search for nearby bowling alleys. DDG provides reviews in form of Yelp. Click "read more" on review. Yelp transfers me to a bogus url, which prompts
"Open in Another App?
Would you like to leave DuckDuckGo to view this content?
No Yes"
And then, without letting me click "No", I get automatically transferred into Yelp's page in the app store, and if I try to go back, I just get redirected again.
Fuck off. I just wanted to read your reviews in the browser. I had no interest of downloading your app just to read a couple of reviews, and I most certa-fuck-inly have no desire to download your shitty app now.1 -
Products team just hit me up with random requirements straight out of their ass. They know very well my entire team is wrapped up building a new app. Now I respond with random mêmes. Fuck you.5
-
Just had a recruiter contact me, and found this gem in their text:
"We work with MS stack and SQL Server, but we really think JavaScript is the way of the future"
Motherfucker, JavaScript can hardly tell basic types apart, how the fuck you gon' run a relational database with it!? And if you're not, then why the fuck are you running a relational database in the first place!?
Fuck outta here!2 -
An old friend just texted me and asked me to hack Facebook. Again.
FUCK OFF. I'm not a fucking work-horse, I'm not a slave, and I'm not fucking with something as meaningless and stupid as FB.
Go hack your way into his neck with an axe if you want to, I'll even help, but fuck messing with their social life. Go for the disease, not the symptoms.4 -
FUCK YOU SYNOLOGY
Fuck you for breaking all my custom shit.
Fuck you for wiping almost everything (but leaving random stuff) every major update.
Fuck you for switching from upstart to systemd 219 (RELEASED MARCH 2015!).
Fuck you for using an outdated kernel.
Fuck you for having the weirdest shittiest preconfigured settings.
Fuck you for using your own custom package format.
Fuck you for being so utterly broken.
Fuck you for making me work 10 hours just to get everything back up and running the way it was.
Fuck you from the bottom of my heart
3 -
iPhone XSMax running iOS 14. Otherwise running normally.
DevRant app runs like old people fuck.
Is it just me?
Troubleshooting tips?
What’s this app written in? Is there a DevRant API? I’ll write my own DevRant app with blackjack and hookers.17 -
To the devs at inc.com
Fuck you.
Just resign.
Do me a favour. Don't touch any computer for life.
After reading 2 articles I need to login.
Okay fine.
Facebook login fucking doesn't work.
Twitter login worked.
But but fucking take me to some idiotic article. Hello? That was not what I logged for.
Now go back. And fuck fuck fuck
Article still says login to read this.
And click on login. Nope. Nadda. Nothing happens.
How how how. How are you even getting paid?
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.2 -
Someone just asked me to rewrite their application and lower the time of generating 200 000 html files from over an hour to a few minutes
.
.
Why the fuck would u need 200 thousand html files wtf is wrong with you1 -
Mac guy here.
Thinking about buying the funniest, most gigantic headphones just so people realize to leave me the fuck alone.
Not sure if they just don’t see my earbuds or if they just don’t care.7 -
!dev
Man, fuck pollen
Tree pollen just exploded where I live. That means I'm gonna be miserable for the next few weeks. I'm talking runny nose, itchy eyes, head fog, the whole 9 yards.
Wish me luck and bring me antihistamines4 -
I just want to do nothing. Be a cat: eat and sleep as much as I physically can. I'm just physically and mentally exhausted and basically have no desire to do anything anymore.
Fuck everything.
The only thing which prevents me from doing that is some leftovers if common sense which tell me that it's unwise to abandon everything when you've left only 3 weeks to do shit and then it's not your problem anymore.
But even this sense cannot disarm an overwhelming procrastination.
And people. Fuck people. Only a very small minority is actually tolerable.
Thanks for listening to my TED talk.28 -
Just arrived for an interview for my very first coding job. Everyone wish me luck! I'm gonna fuck up their shit for real. 😂🤣🤣5
-
Okay. So I'm in class right now. And we'll do a rather big IT project (in groups of 2) later this year. And one of my classmates (I hate him AF but he doesn't know because he doesn't get shit) just asked me if I can make him a social media platform. HOLY FUCKING MOTHER SHITTING FUCK. CAN YOU PLEASR JUST STOP TALKING TO ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT. YOU DONT DESERVE TO LIVE. GO FUCK A TABLE!! IM NOT GOING TO CREATE ANYTHING FOR ANYBODY. AND YOOOUUU LITTLE FUCKER ARE ASKING ME TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU?? EVERYONE FROM MY CLASS IS AT LEAST SOME KIND OF NICE BUT YOU PIECE OF CUNTSHIT NEVER EVEN DID A SINGLE THING FOR ANYONE. AND YOU ARE ASKING ME TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME. LIKE WHAT HODDAMN HOPE DO YOU COME FROM. COULD YOU PLEASE JUST GO BACK INTO THAT HOLE??!!!2
-
I'm the kind of person that can type without looking at the keyboard. But... I don't really know how to type, I just do it unconsciously. But when someone reminds me of the keyboard, or I think on the keyboard. I can't stop looking at it when typing. Suddenly I forget how to type. fuck fuck fuck now I can't stop looking at it.l ksajfn;laksj fpdsbaf;dsajfn4
-
Rejection 4 / 1000 of my 1000 job applications TikTok journey
Another reply with apsolutely no constructive feedback for me. No explanation why they decided not to choose me. Just fuck you we'll go for the next one. No. Fuck YOU
7 -
Can literally every fucking pop up, modal, notification, message box, update, and everything else just SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME DO MY WORK2
-
Fuck me, i spent the last 2 days trying to populate a database about the game satisfactory from the wikia, only to read on a subreddit they shipped a json file with api the data I want. I need to check that tomorrow, because I just want to sleep, but if that's true, just kill me.
I FUCKING HATE PARSING WEBSITES8 -
Just delayed a push to Prod. because of this motherfucking shit:
https://gitlab.com/gitlab-org/...
It never occurred to me to even look. FUCK.15 -
My leader was yelling at me cause i couldn't relate two tables, the first has a decimal(15,5) PK and the second has char(20) as a FK.
WELL TELL ME HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I RELATE THEM YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT ??
Decimal !!! I could not believe my fucking eyes ! And Fuck keeping the clients satisfied!
Well, sorry, i just wanted to let it out.1 -
Microsoft :
"YOLO All Devops pipeline are now .net 8"
Me, lunching PROD release : "Whatever, I don't use any advanced shit"
Pipeline : "Can't connect to your nuget soure (private) : 401"
Me : What ? You just connected to it in prevous step in pipeline !
Azure : Yah, but prev st ep was using different syntax so it worked
Me : Ok, here you go, same syntax
Azure : Still nop.
Me : WHY ?!!!
Azure : I won't tell you. 401 !!
Me : Fuck you, I 'll rewrite this step from scrath !
30 mins later
Azure : Naaaan, stil 401.
Me : HOW ?!!! You literally use this nuget feed in 2 prev steps with no issues.
Azure : Fuck you
Me : fuck you too.
15 mins later
me to me... Hmm, I've already restored all packages. They "should" stay where they are..
Me : Take that azure : Ignore restoring for this step"
Azure : Oh yeah, that works ! All compiled !
WTF ?!!!! And why they release cha ges without even sending a mail. because fuck us apparently.
God I hate devops.... -
Some backstreet fine artist come designer came to me wanting a website, her brief was a moonpig.com but for wedding stationery. I asked her if she had a million plus marketing budget for launch and a shit pile of cash, or was it just really some simple website that people can hire you to design bespoke wedding stationery. In the end she agreed it was just another basic website for peanuts. Either way the answer was fuck off, use squarespace or some other shit that you can fuck about in and cut me out of the process, I don’t want your tiny pittance and months of can you just.1
-
Just spent 4-5 hours debugging a failing staging deployment that was using Bower, among many other things.
Turns out bower has a feature where if any library in bower.json has been deleted, it just hangs, and silently waits for nothing.
Fuck bower, and fuck me for using it in 2014!2 -
Are you fucking kidding me?
Just read about Intel ME (I'm trying to secure my computer). Why the holy fuck does Intel need something that powerful? FUCK YOU, CORPORATE BASTARDS IN SUITS THAT RESEMBLE MATRIX AGENTS.
Does anyone have any tips or updates on this? The article I read was from Jan 2016...5 -
Just spent the last 3 fucking hours searching in the entirely wrong place for an issue I created somewhere else. Fuck you past me!
-
Gitlab keeps telling me that I should 'update ASAP' but I can't. What the fuck ubuntu is it too hard to upgrade someting to the latest version? Or am I just simply too stupid? Fuck!2
-
Having a narcissist as a friend can depreciate your mental energy so much that you just want to scream "fuck off... nobody gives a fuck about you".
but you know doing that will scatter the little fantasy world they surround themselves with and open them to a harsh reality.
so for me, I just go with the flow6 -
My problem with referring to my github:
I just found a project from almost two years ago where I exclusively use unordered arrays of key/value pairs as dictionaries.
Man, fuck previous me.1 -
Me: Interview is in 3 hours, I'm prepared, it's non technical anyway, just be yourself.
Brain to me: What the fuck is big 'O' notation? Objects you mean chairs? Turing? That's some kind of robot right?
Also me: fuck....1 -
So this stupid fuck whose react code is a clusterfuck of bugs just bashed me when I said Java is better then node because of reasons...
I was literally speechless while thinking if I should humiliate her or not.
Guess life will show her because I don't give a fuck. -
So I'm in the middle of writing a script for episode 1 of my how I would have done it series and fuck me, I feel so sorry for big youtubers that script every video, this is annoying me just from a basic script!!!
-
Having too much creativity is annoying as fuck.
I just laughed out of nowhere in the train. Thought of a funny story I made up.
But maybe my creativity will lead me to something big sometime... Who knows?7 -
I am done with .NET and it's bullshit error messages.
"Validation error happened! Please see Entity.Validation.Properties to see what the error is, then consult an oracle, who'll summon a demon who'll answer only three questions . . ."
FUCK OFF and just give me the error. I swear to god exceptions in NET always lead to some stupid fucking scavenger hunt rather than just letting me know what the fuck went wrong. This isn't the first time I've encountered this either, where it tells me there's an error and there's a mountain with a shaman at the top who'll provide me with the details if I can just hire a sherpa who'll help me climb it.3 -
Wanted to write a personal rant but fuck it, that shit that I wrote is too cheesy. Let me just say: I hate myself for not being able to work as a fucking human being. I hate every fucking human out there. I want to be fucking left alone and do what I want without feeling like a disgrace. I want to be me and be happy. Fuck you.
With love, some whiny boy4 -
Why the fuck does windows use 100MB for the efi partition? Like oh hey I will exactly allocate enough space for me. Oh you want ArchLinux and NixOs too? Well fuck you have fun dangouresly moving around partition just to increase the fucking size of the efi partition I just allocated at install-time without ever asking you about it.6
-
I'll be asking the HR of my next company to include a "fuck off" clause in the contract if they want to hire me.
Under that clause, I would have the right to tell anyone, and everyone, to fuck off. It includes all 24 hours of the day, not just the working hours.10 -
I just want to say to all the Indian managers that declined hiring me due to preferring some of their other countrymen and declining me visa sponsorships to US…
Fuck you and good luck with those visa wait times. Truly yours,
A pissed off me2 -
LUA... its great! I love it... but WHY THE FUCK DOESNT LUA START COUNTING FROM FUCKING 0!!! WHY THE FUCK DOES IT START FROM 1! I SEARCHED HALF A FUCKING HOUR IN MY CODE AND IT JUST DIDNT WORK! then it hit me... LUA IS THE ONLY FUCKING LANGUAGE THAT STARTS FROM 1 and sure enough... after changes and testing IT FUCKING WORKED!
Fuck5 -
I want to start a rant thread, imagine yourself living in Syria, or south Africa, or a gang run neighbourhood in South America... What would your rant be..
FUCK
the well where we get our water just got shat on by the Town drunk
Now I have to walk 5 km instead of 2.. My kid sister needs water today or she might die...
.. And! Siri just gave me the wrong fucking directions
FUCK apple
(Not real apples, cuz.. I'm hungry)7 -
Sometimes I put my earbuds in and don't even listen to anything just so people will leave me alone and not involve me in idle "chit chat"... and some people just don't give a fuck. 😑
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I JUST WANT TO CODE BUT MY ENVIRONMENT DESTROYS ITSELF AS SOON AS I TURN AROUND AND IM LEFT READING STACKTRACES THAT TELL ME TO CONTACT THE SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR.
WHO THE FUCK IS THE SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR ANYWAY?!1 -
Clang? I don't fucking understand... what are you trying to tell me?
Couldn't you just compile like GCC? Fuck you T_T
7 -
I forgot to setup my alarm, but it's fine, because fof some reason I just woke up exactly the when my alarm goes off normally.
Also fuck nighttime me2 -
I would rant about apple and their horrible horrible system of just even being able to deploy an app to testers..
But you have to pay me 100$ a year so you can be able to find it out yourself, fuck support, we just want free money ~ herr jobs/ herr coo(c)k4 -
Remember how I told y’all to spread pez all over me and fuck me like you hate me? Well…
Someone just did it.6 -
So get this, I try making an appointment at the bank twice, they don't call me either time so I call them and they say they'll call me back sooo they never call me back. So today I go to the bank office because fuck it right ill just come in then and guess what I'm told? Oh euh you need an appointment to open a business account LIKE FUCK YOU YOU TWAT I TRIED MAKING AN APPOINTMENT FUCKING TWICE2
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While the US is melting the fuck down around me...
Those in other countries, what is all this like to see?
I'm rather indifferent as the riots usually accomplish fuck all, just like peaceful protests, as they don't make higher-ups care at all, they're just annoying.46 -
How the fuck can I get npm@5 to show me everything it just installed when I type `npm install`?
Was this because some twat wanted to push the idiotic idea that it's perfectly acceptable for js projects to rely on three million two line hipster.js libraries?
Fuck everything about the node ecosystem.2 -
everyone warned me, but did I listen!
I've done enough troubleshooting to last me a lifetime, I'm just gonna rollover and die
fuck you windows 10
3 -
People who speak in puzzles during code reviews - fuck you! Just say what you want to say without being philosophical about it. Want me to change the name of a function? Let me know, instead of ranting on about some other shit. I should not have to ask you twice for every god damn comment what you mean, you prick. It’s just annoying and a waste of time.4
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I'm the reason for all I am bad at
I'm the reason for all the time wasted by me
I'm responsible for all the shit fuckery I've been doing
But I don't know how to get back at the correct path
I just don't know
Fuck me4 -
Not really Lol. WTF? Did you just tell me that VPN for IoT is a bunch of crap just to leave the room without arguing about the alternatives?! What is you fucking point you dirty piece o' motherfuckin shit! Please do me a favor and go fuck yourself!
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Can somebody please explain to me why I need to be an expert at witchcraft & dark magic just to merge 2 SVN branches. And why the fuck anybody still uses SVN when there's git.5
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My boss telling me not to worry and be more confident, after pointing out that not updating bad ad hoc code is not a long term solution, just inspired the confidence in me to tell him to go fuck himself if shit brakes during the weekend and evenings.1
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Why the fICKITY FUCK CANT UNITY DO WHAT ITS DING DANG JOB YO I'M JUST TRYING TO SIMULATE AUTONOMOUS AGENTS NOT AGENTS FROM HELL YOU FEEL ME
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The latest scam someone that works with me fell for - I hope I just prevented the rest of my company from falling for (will know tomorrow). Firstly we use fucking imap, secondly how the fuck did you email me to tell me I can't receive emails???
Still pretty well executed.
4 -
Im bout to start my freshmen year of college and I need money right. Then it hits me. FUCK IM A PROGRAMMER I CAN JUST MAKE SOMETHING! im retarded and genius at the same time.9
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If you could remember that I'm not your staff anymore and stop assigning me to projects. That'd be fucking swell.
I'm meant to be infrastructure now so fuck off. Oh a devs leaving let's hand the project to the infrastructure guy who's fucking leaving also!!
Fucking genius. I'm so close to just to saying fucking swivel and walking out. Fuck the notice period. -
came to the pub for some peice and quiet to read my book and this fucking dumbass boomer is sneezing every fucking goddamn second dude fucking fuck off god just eject me into space what the fuck is wrong with these FUCKING retards jesus christ5
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Me: Ok i could do this in a litt--- wtf, this code is a god damn abomination ... I could just sort of do the thing and leave this or ...
Also Me: Fuck down the rabbit hole I go to make this a better place than when I found it....
-sigh-
Later Me: God damn why I do dis....2 -
Windows : fuck you i delete your KMS file
Windose : your licence is expiring in 30 days
Me: re apply KMS and disable that fucking useless anti virus
Window just self permit to delete my file with no fucking reason and not notify me in is shiti settings panel1 -
What the holy fuck! Resharper is fucking dog shit! I've never used it before and just had to install for a new job. Visual studio was running great on my machine with 32GB ram and i7 processor. Installed resharper and it just doesn't work. How the fuck does anyone get any work done when it takes literally seconds to register a click! I get it's features are impressive but it means fuck all if it stops me working3
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Fuck you, webpack, just fuck you! Took me three whole days but finally you were the one who gave in. Take that and build!4
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A developer just followed me on twitter and their description stated their game had 'FPS quality visuals'... What the fuck does that even mean?1
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There are 43 people in our team. Every 43 of them come to salute me in the morning, fuck off, let me work. Just go ahead with your shit but leave me alone.4
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This is my first "Fuck you Windows" post. I just got a warning from GitHub that blocks me from using it;
"You must update your password to continue using GitHub.com"
Who the fuck are you? I am risking to be hacked. Why do you care, you just warn me and move on. How dare you block me and force me to use better password.21 -
Holy fuck, I just found out about 'set -o vi' which allows editing the readline buffer (the command line buffer) using vi bindings. All that wasted time holy fuck me.
1 -
I have become so fed up with the BS people say that now if someone gives me an advice, I do the exact opposite just to fuck with them.4
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facebook, where the fuck do you have a list of your scopes, do i have to magically guess them?! just let me get the fucking dictionary and try every word!!!!!!!!!1
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That I'm responsible enough for people to just entrust shit to me and irresponsible enough to fuck up very important things for very stupid and easily avoidable reasons. Rarely enough to not happen a lot, but serious enough fuck-ups that it can't be considered inconsequential.
And when I tell people not to trust me with shit without supervision they refuse to believe me and think I'm just being self-deprecating. Bitch I'd accidentally let you die if that was a responsibility of mine, I have no brain, only butterflies.1 -
I'm building an app with Cordova and everything was working great, tested on multiple devices and everything worked perfectly. Until my boss called me to say that some interfaces don't work on his phone. Needless to say Android 4.3 doesn't like the "new" syntax of flex and just tells me that I can fuck off. Well Android fuck off too.2
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Half asleep here, I was doing a large manual backup to a mounted directory... fast forward an hour and here I am issuing umount just to find out I forgot to mount that directory. Fuck me.
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fuck the overengineered bulshit that ZF2 is... fuck crappy mvc in web, fuck shitty design, tuck events, fuck 'security feature' that obfuscates the fucking redirect login/logout urls fuck not having your full link, but just the path everywhere, fuck whitelabeling, fuck somebody's sister, fuck me and fuck you....1
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every work i'm at, every assignment i do, i have to learn how THEY do things, how THEY think about things, i can't just be doing stuff, i have to be thinking about how THEY want me to do the stuff, how THEY would do it.
... who the fuck am I? how the fuck do I do stuff and think about stuff?
how the fuck would i know?
:'( -
Is it just me or does the Google Play developer console gets worse and worse with every change they make. Right now its bullshit they add one nice Feature but then fuck up multiple other things at once
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Who the fuck thought that in react useState should return an array and not an object. It makes me wanna make a wrapper that would instead return {current, set} = useSaneState('fuck you') because what the fuck does it have to do with arrays. And an object with shit.current would be consistent with useRef.
Also, vue is just superior in naming and coding standards.6 -
*me writing my sweet code like nothing bad could happend*
Xcode: bum! Compiling error
Me: what the...
*compile again
Xcode: yeah right. Bam! Error
*clean, etc. compile again
Xcode: yeah, try your luck looser
Me: ok, let's google it. First stack overflow answer: just change the simulator and should work correctly.
And of course it worked. And that's how it works all day.
Fuck you Xcode! Fuck you Apple!
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I fucking hate how almost every website now requires your email to be able to download a simple document template
Why tha fuck do you need my email for????
just let me download your fucking template6 -
Just made a damn fool of myself with a client. I handed off three projects and they had no idea what they were for and neither did I. My boss gave me these months ago. No code comments, no documentation, just some stored procedures they wanted me to actualize.
The best I could offer was to promise the client I would send a description of the projects to them as soon as my boss gets them to me. Fuck. I thought the client would know what they asked for when I showed them, but fuck me, they didn't remember. So embarrassing. 😡😡😡 -
Fuck virtual network networking holy shit why is it so hard to just setup simple architecture that took me 2 hours fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck i need a hard scotch
But so satisfying now that i understand it.1 -
Seiously though , Javascript Developer community are toxic shit! All I did was asked a question regarding the syntax.
They started to curse me and call me names , like what the fuck? I just want to know some syntax. Dont have to be an arse.
At least Elixir community is polite.16 -
>2 exams left till i never have to look at my college again
>Actually studying
>Boss wants me to fuck around with docker
>My vape just broke
>Gotta get an oil change in my car
>Pretty sure im gonna be sick
Fuck this week7 -
The people who run these scheduling meetings need to remember that this building is just one big tinder box ready to go up in smoke. 30+ minutes talking about bull shit that only affects a small percentage of the team. AND we're behind and dealing with a push that happened on a Friday before the guy who wrote the code left for vacation to go to Tennessee to watch the eclipse for some reason.
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Fuck when the app builds on everyone else's machine in the company but yours and you have no idea why. I pulled the same branch from the source control, made sure everything was right, even tried just copying it directly from a co-worker's machine but it just won't fucking work. Fuck you extjs for not letting me work for now almost 5 hours. Fuck you.2
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Why the fuck did Apple just start testing my app using an ipv6 only network? I mean that is a good idea in general, but did they just start doing this recently, or did a major appledick decide that now, after 15 good releases, they should reject the app and force me to rethink my whole backend structure... Screw you, why didn't you tell me when I started?2
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Hate when I forget I rename x variable to y just for the compiler to fuck me in the ass by telling me x variable doesn't exist. FFS!!!1
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It took me 48 hours ( not continuously) to fix a bug by going through a cluster fuck code of multiple modules. Tracing the error through 5 or 6 layers. And u dont get error logs right away. You need to recreate that error and see the logs on a kubernetes pod. Just to find out the bug was a duplicate.
Yes jokes are on me. I fucked up by not checking for duplicate. I steered right away on that shit dipped bug like a hungry/zombie hound. Fuck me. -
I didn't realise how much home office messed me up until I went into the office again... holy fuck, it feels like I just woke up from some nightmare.
I cannot explain it, but I feel a lot better now.2 -
Fuck away from me And Get FUCKED.
FEels so fucking good fucking off other companies who try to contact me first and give me an interview JUST GO FUCKING FIRSR YOUR DADS ASSHOLE TILL HE SHITS IN UR MOUTH FROM THE SUPER MASSIVE GIANT SHITHOLE FUCK YOU FUCK OFFF
6 -
My manager/lead is like “Fuck you! I don’t care what your problems are. I have given you my requirements. Build the application according to that. I just want the final product. And tell me when we can have Code Review”.3
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Jesus fucking christ, fuck angular sometimes ... most of the times. just fuck it
And fuck me even more for writing such shit components when I started out with it.
Takes forever to find the shit that isn't working due to angulars magic change detection and the shittx performance of local dev environment.
Has to run in JIT because the app it too big, and then it takes 10 sec to build everytime you change something. And during that time i get a 100% cpu usage which kills vscode so I cant do anything properly
fuck it, i just wanna have a nice weekend now1 -
You should produce
shirts that are boldly written ”Git Cherry-Pick Saves!”.
It has redeem me from messed up conflicts. conflited files = 89.
How the fuck am I going to review 89 files, when deadline is just two days from now.2 -
When you're working in visual studio and trying to look through the suggested uses of an object and fucking shit keeps popping up all over the screen to tell what type things are and shit and you're just like "get the fuck out of the way I can't see shit you useless cunt fuck."
Visual studio buddy. You're killing me.2 -
Working from 7am, to around 9pm every day for the last two weeks..I expect to have still 2 ruff weeks.. New job, searching for an apartment, moving, and finishing development of 3 websites and 2 mobile apps... Fuck me.. Instead of coffee, I just listen xxxtentacion look at me, just to keep me going.. Finish this and I'll probably say no to more projects just to have time to relax2
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Fuck you, whoever kicked me out of LinkHub Discord server + revoked repo access... i even contributed. I don't care if you shut down everything, just say something before kicking me out... rude mf3
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Fuck testcomplete, fuck having to spend 40 minutes mapping out every element just to still hang 5 minutes every time you try to check the existence of one, fuck having a software who's sole purpose is to automate testing and save time take hours upon hours to do what a person can do in seconds, and fuck me for having to use this piece of shit to test every single change made to our site.
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Fucking Quarkus. Fucking Panache. Fucking ORM.
I wanted to do a fucking simple projection. First this piece of fuck, the Panache, won't let me do a Projection because of a fucking bug, that haven't implemented it properly until 2.12 (fuck and you call this v2?). Ok, upgraded, to the latest 2.16, cuz why the fuck, i'm upgrading already. But now the whole fucking quarkus app won't start! Noice! Ok, fuck it, let's go down exactly to 2.12. Quarkus started, perfect. But now, this pice of fuck Hibernate says 'collection was evicted' whenever i tried to read a collection in the setter (Access.PROPERTY), which worked just fucking fine before. But okay, fuck you. I'll write a @PostLoad method, fine, just fuck off.
But that's not the end! Now it says I cannot write `select parent.someColl is not null and parent.collection is empty as canProcess` because "is empty" only supported in where clauses. What fucking wonderful system! Well, fuck you. I'll write a union query. But guess what! JPA standard does not support union queries, nor HQL (Eclipse Link does, btw). Ok, fuck this shit, let's write a native query. But hey, fucking Panache does not support that. There is no fucking place in their fucking docs stating anything about how to use native queries.
So, fuck you quarkus, fuck you panache, fuck you hibernate, fuck you overcomplicated limiting bullshit called full-fledged ORMs. I'm moving to a fucking mybatis and fuck it. It's simple as fuck, does not fucking restrict me in writing whatever shit query I want to write and let's me map the shit just fine.1 -
Nooooo!!! Fuck me, i'm a fucking idiot. I just fat fingered my keyboard while editing my Makefile. Accidentally made the clean "rm *"...
Lost a couple of hours of progress :'(3 -
I just spent around a fucking week questioning myself, my sanity, my code and a 3rd party api to find out I was submitting bad data to my correct code in a separate part of the product.
Fuck my life and my self inflicted stress and guilt over this. Hopefully edge cases are already covered, I fucking had working code or so i hope until the next bout of debug hell.
Also fuck you spring for not letting me see request body of an outgoing post request. -
No it’s ok you can power trip on me that’s fine, it’s just now your delivery is going to be months late. So who’s fault is it really?
Fuck you - fight me bitch. -
Well fuck me, one week of sewrching for a bug, just to find oit that the search endpoint shits itself, when it sees an underscore in the query because fuck you. Local test system is not as retarded, so I never found out, until today
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Just started playing stardew valley, and the opening scene strikingly represents my life. Just like the main character, I'm going out into my own metaphorical country and blazing my own path, away from my bosses, who knows what will happen, but if anything goes wrong I have my stocks and a good background, wish me luck
Fuck NVM, I wish, my life is too important, fuck.2 -
Fuck ipmi. Seriously, such a crappy experience. And fuck supermicro for offering almost no tools to work with said ipmi.
I wish we could just replace our entire stock of motherboards for models with the newer versions of ipmi that at least offers a HTML5 remote console, the java version will kill me one day -_-"3 -
Is it just me or DOES RASPBIAN TAKE A FUCKING SHITLOAD OF TIME TO WRITE? WHEN THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO INSTALL OPENCV NOW? I FUCKING HAVE CLASS TOMORROW WHICH IS NOW TECHNICALLY TODAY!1
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Bleh, I fucking hate Arduino. I thought this Chad would teach me assembly for PCs, not Arduino. The boards don't fucking work half the time, I don't give a shit about blinking lights or motors, I don't want to do things with robotics, I just want to fucking code. Ffs, I'd rather write code that just makes a number increment and then quits, because then I wouldn't have to use that useless fucking Arduino "IDE".
Fuck you Arduino, fuck you so much.4 -
Me: Oh yes this is easy, i will fix it in 5 minutes..
*Deploys the solution to debug it*
*waits 20 minutes....*
(the message says "installation is in progress")
Just fuck you SharePoint Online.
1 -
Someone just spent an evening with me explaining how to use Ember and *not* fuck it up.
Ember is actually quite nice if you know how to use it :)1 -
Get my lightweight WASM "runtime" thing to work properly.
Don't you just hate all the emscringtem glue code? Yes, me too. And fuck WASI.8 -
goddamnshitmotherfuckingshit wtf brain? why do all the examples just work, but my code looking similar just doesn´t. why the fuck is this basic thumbsucking baby topic of a scrollable canvas screwing me over since this morning?2
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Fuck! This shit is driving me crazy! I'm working day and night without any break just because my boss wants everything done yesterday. And even if I complete the project, there's always something more to do. It feels like I'm stuck in a hamster wheel that never stops spinning. Fuck this fucking fucked up situation! I need some goddamn sleep!3
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Idk what the fuck happened, but for some reason the API I was working with just started to refuse to connect.
So I try to ping the page, and the ping is below 1ms. Look at ip 127.0.0.1 Fuck me I guess.
Does someone know what could cause something like this?3 -
!dev
The mobile availability here starts to really annoy me. At least once a day it’s just gone for 10min.
Fuck sake..3 -
Just started my first internship and I'm already freaking the fuck out so much new shit to get familiar with... good thing I don't run from such but fuuuuck me
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