A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. ♨💨🎈

He reduces height and spots a man down below.

He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions,

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says:

"Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"

"Well", says the man “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

A while back, I ranted about emojis in code.

My nightmares are becoming reality.

Behold, production code:

Senior colleagues insisting on ALWAYS returning HTTP status 200 and sticking any error codes in the contained JSON response instead of using 4×× or 5×× statuses.

Bad input? Failed connections? Missing authorization? Doesn't matter, you get an OK. Wanna know if the request actually succeeded? Fuck you, parse potential kilobytes of JSON to get to the error code!

Am I the asshole or is that defeating the purpose of a status code?!

Coworker: Do you have a minute?
Dumbass me: Yeah, sure.

... 2h30min later

I had an interview yesterday with the CEO of a startup going into Series A for the position of Principal Developer, remote. I've only ever heard of 'tech-bros', but I was unfortunate to meet one in-person. It went something like this:

CEO-bro: Good morning.
Me: Morning.
CEO-bro: It says here on your resume you live in X. That place is a shithole, and I have to look down on you because of that, bro. LoL.
Me: ......
(40 minutes of self-promotion pass)
CEO-bro: Anyway, we don't pay high salaries but offer bonuses for high performing staff instead. I'll ask HR to send you an offer.
Me: Let me think about it.
CEO-bro: One question bro. You have siblings?
Me: One.
CEO-bro: Parents still alive?
Me: No...what?!
CEO-bro: Yeah, me too. People like us don't let anything get in the way.

I wrote them an email this morning withdrawing my application 🤦🏽‍♂️

I've never been a frontend guy, I only could modify existing FE code and had some clues about how to write a hello-world using angular.

I've just refactored ~150 files in an Angular project, created half a dozen new modules and modularized lots of loose artefacts.

And after recompiling the project still works! And is now more maintainable!

I think I now can safely add "Angular" to my resume :)

P.S. Damn it, Angular is cool!!!

My worst interview ever was my first interview fresh out of college. After the initial phone screen, they asked me to drive 2 hours to their office to give me a "code challenge."

The challenge was to spend 4 hours writing a simple rest API for a blog type thing, but the catch was to not use any existing libraries for data access and instead write an entirely database agnostic DAL. Then after I finished they sat me in a conference room with 3 of their engineers and the CEO to just tear apart my code.
For a JUNIOR position to someone fresh out of college.

I guess I defended it well, because they asked to continue the process l, but after that I found a different position.

Udemy courses are targeted at ABSOLUTE beginners. It's excruciating to pull through and finish the course "just because". And some of these courses are jam-packed with 30-60 hours just for them to appear legit, but the reality is the value you get could be packed to 3-5 hours.

You're better off just searching for or watching for the things that you need on Google or YouTube.

You'll learn more when building the actual stuff. Yes, it's good to go for the documentation. Just scratch the "Getting Started" section and then start building what you want to build already. Don't read the entire documentation from cover to cover for the sake of reading it. You won't retain everything anyway. Use it as a reference. You'll gain wisdom through tons of real-world experience. You will pick things up along the way.

Don't watch those tutorials with non-native English speakers or those with a bad accent as well. Native speakers explain things really well and deliver the message with clarity because they do what they do best: It's their language.

Trust me, I got caught up in this inefficient style a handful of times. Don't waste your time.

Rant
Why do shithead clients think they can walk away without paying us once we deliver the project !!!

So, here goes nothing..
Got an online gig to create a dashboard.
Since i had to deal with a lot of shitheads in the past, I told them my rules were simple, 20% advance, 40% on 50% completion and 40% after i complete and send them proof of completion. Once i receive the payment in full, only then i will hand over the code.
They said it was fine and paid 20%.
I got the next 40% also without any effort but they said they also needed me to deploy the code on their AWS account, and they were ready to pay extra for it, so i agreed.
I complete the whole project and sent them the screenshots, asking for the remaining 40% payment. They rejected the request saying my work was not complete as i had not deployed on AWS yet. After a couple of more such exchanges, i agreed to setup their account before the payment. But i could sense something fishy, so i did everything on their AWS account, except registered the domain from my account and set up everything. Once i inform them that its done and ask for the remaining payment.
The reply i got was LOL.
I tried to login to the AWS account, only to find password had been changed.
Database access revoked.
Even my admin account on the app had been removed. Thinking that they have been successful, they even published ads about thier NEW dashboard to their customers.
I sent them a final mail with warning ending with a middle finger emoji. 24 hours later,
I created a github page with the text " This website has been siezed by the government as the owner is found accused in fraud" and redirected the domain to it. Got an apology mail from them 2 hours later begging me to restore the website. i asked for an extra 10% penalty apart from the remaining payment. After i got paid, set an auto-reply of LOL to thier emails and chilled for a week before restoring the domain back to normal.
Dev : 1
Shithead Client: 0

Family reaction story to me being a dev?

- My dad still refers to my profession as 'something in computers'.
- My older sister goes to her weirdo friends for technical advice because she thinks all I do is fill paper in printers (that's a long TL;DR story about a phone upgrade)
- My brother, a car mechanical genius thinks what I do is near God-like. He also races cars and can blabber on about the physics, aero-dynamics, weight ratios, etc and says "Oh, no way. I'm too stupid to do what you do." Then I'm like, "Dude, shut up, I can barely change my oil and you could replace an engine blindfolded", then he just laughs "Yea, probably."
- Baby sister just wants me to fix her phone. "Can you make <insert some random app> do <insert a random behavior the app was never designed to do>?". I'm like "Uh no, I didn't write Instagram", then she's like "I thought you went to school for computers?".
- My mom passed way (long battle with cancer). I'm sure she'd be proud, but still asking me to how to switch the channel so she could watch a movie on the VCR.
I can clearly see having this conversation with my mom.
Me: "Mom, why are you still using a VCR? I bought you a subscription to Netflix"
Mom: "Net what? Do I turn the dial to channel 2 or 3?"
Me: "No, its the Netflix button on the remote."
Mom: "Can't you come over and do this? I just want to watch my shows. Didn't you go to school to learn these things?"
Me: "No mom, that's not...um...never mind. I'll be right over."

Here's why I hate HR:

Applied to a job and requirements where:
> 3 years + experience with the good old combo HTML CSS JS (oh yeah)
> 3 years + experience with Vue or React (Vue specialist is here baby 😎)
> Salary higher than the average

Got a call on the same day from HR, and she asks:
> Years of experience with Java
> Years of experience with native android development
> Years of experience with Swift or iOS development
> *I started to get confused*
> Then came questions about my machine and if I had good Internet
> And only then she asked about the requirements for the job

2 days later she says I don't fit the job bc they work with different languages

That's why I hate HR, fr.
They didn't know what UI or UX meant.
And kept saying that Vue, angular and react where languages

Languages

I've resigned 3 weeks ago. I have also completed my handover process.

Yesterday I was told that I have to work in the weekend and at night because project delivery date is the following week.

Kindly I responded that I have resigned and working on weekends and late nights won't benefit me in anyway now actually I wasn't benefiting from working on weekends and late nights even before my resignation.

Project manager is pissed off at me.

Oh well, it is what it is 🤷

Gifts from company
Why are you sending me something which I don't want? Isn't the concept of gifting is to give something which the receiver can utilize. Just send me the bonus and let me decide what I want for myself. I don't want expensive chocolates and cookies with unconventional jars. I want a nice a pair of headphones or maybe a smartwatch. The price is the same as what you are sending me, so please stop this.

I started watching "Squid Games" this morning and well after the first round the players are given a chance to quit.

Which they do... But then come back.

Well, I bought some Ethereum a few weeks ago before crypto tanked...

But checking in this morning I'm now back to break-even...

And well feels like I'm gonna keep playing too...

Last month my company said that there's a mediclaim policy to include your parents in it too, and it was a mere amount of money. So I added it to my policy. This month, two days back, I saw that the money has increased 10x and is now more than half the amount of my monthly salary. Like what the hell? Now when I want to unenroll from this, I contacted all the responsible people in the company and they said that it cannot be done. Once enrolled, you can't ever opt out unless you leave the company. :") FKN SCAM.

Having a PM is like having a little kid, while driving somewhere, and he's constantly asking: "Are we there yet??".

How to offend potential clients with sales emails:

“Hey again, <name>!​

Don't understand TikTok? Don't worry - you're talking to a Gen Z now.

I wanted to follow up on my previous note and see if you had any availability this week or next week to connect.”

Apparently not interested and not responding means you must be too old to understand those meddling kids and their internet toys.

I just wrote 80+ lines of tests for a 30 line module and I was really mad at myself for wasting my time like that, until I remembered that while writing those tests I did actually catch several really tricky bugs and it didn't even take that long.

Dev: Your PR only addresses a quarter of the ticket

Dev2: *limps a commit so that now 1/2 of the ticket is addressed and creates a new PR for a separate ticket*

Dev: Your original PR only addresses half of the ticket

Dev2: *limps a commit so that now 3/4 of the ticket is addressed and creates a new PR for ANOTHER new ticket*

Dev: Your original PR only addresses 3/4 of the ticket

Dev2: *limps a commit so that now all of the ticket is addressed but two new bugs are introduced and creates a new PR for ANOTHER new ticket*

Dev: Your original PR introduces 2 new bugs

Dev2: *limps a commit addressing one of the two new bugs and creates a new PR for ANOTHER new ticket*

Dev: Your original PR still has one bu—

Manager: WOW GOOD JOB DEV2 THAT’S 5 PRs TODAY AMAZING! Dev you need to pickup the pace, you only have 2 PRs so far today. And get these PRs from Dev2 QA’d fast. He’s a rockstar!

Dev: …

*The 4 other PRs turned out to be equally dogshit*

Manager: Hey hurry up with QA, you’re holding Dev2 back!

Dev: …

And then that girl became my Manager......

fireship channel on youtube is one of my favorites

I've wasted at least three hours trying to add icons to a Xamarin application. After getting a stroke trying to do so, I've decided I'll just learn Flutter instead.

Why have you not yet approved my PR?!!?!

The PR:

```
role.filter(elem => elem !== "view" ? elem !== "use" ? elem !== "admin" ? false : true : true : true)

Private chat pops up. (- separator for new message)

Hello
- (1 min)
Can you help me?
- (2-3 mins)
Please it's urgeeeent!!!!!
- (1 min)
Come on you're online, I see the green dot.
- (5 mins)
Ok then I won't be able to work. Will write this down in the ticket.

- (15 mins) - new private chat pops up
Hi, we need to talk.
- (3 mins)
Regarding ticket XY, why aren't you responding? It's really urgent.
- (5 mins)
Please notify me as soon as you're available, it's really important!!!

- (20 mins, new private chat opens)
Hi mate, I think the devs are up to mischief. Said you're not reachable, I'll try to poke them with the stun gun.

- (60 mins, message in the official and only endorsed support room)
@all We broke staging, <Me> never responds and <Team mate who tried to use the stun gun> wasn't helpful either.
We really need this now!!!!!!!

- 30 mins later... la me:
@all I was in a meeting with the stakeholders as we had an priority meeting... What was so important that you not only ignored the rule of not messaging privately and even ignored <team mate>s instructions?

- 5 mins later, answer
no need to be so unfriendly.... We broke staging as we had to test stuff out for next week's sprint review [something which is still 3 days away or sth like that]. We really need to take a look in the team at it and for that we must have staging working now!!!!
- (La me)
If you need it urgent now, you didn't plan ahead. And if you didn't plan ahead, you have to wait for others. The sprint review and all other important days are planned ahead for a reason.
- (Silence)

- (20 mins later, private chat, team lead)
Will you finally fix staging now?

- La me
If it could wait 3 hours now and you / your team ignored all netiquette, it can wait till next day, too. We had this discussion more than once, I don't think I need to explain this further.

(Silence)

All in all, the joys of communication...

Now the fun stuff is when this not only happens with 1 team, but many teams....

Having 35 - 40 private chats and chat window looking like a christmas tree thx to the immeasurable amount of notifications and colors... Yay...

Did I mention that I hate the ego some programmers have -.

Incident of my colleague, who is really hard-working but ain't so smart strategically.

So this morning the entire team connected to discuss the status or criticalll points.

When my colleagues turn came, she delivered a monologue for 15 minutes straight and was still going strong.

(Fucking hell, I couldn't stop laughing while typing this).

My TPM had to interrupt her, and the way he did is even funnier, to discuss few points.

I was the only one on video and I just couldn't resist laughing at the entire situation.

How the fuck can someone talk non-stop for 15 minutes without being breathless and still can go for another round.

Hahahaha it was hilarious.

I fucking hate subscription services that start with a free month but still require you to input your credit card information.

"It's just so we can bill you for the following month! You can still cancel the subscription before the following date to not be billed anything."

No, there's no reason why you can't offer a free month WITHOUT having my credit card information. The REAL reason is because you're hoping I'll forget to cancel. Fucking predatory bullshit.

The "backend developer" has to know everything.

Employee as a Service

Starting a new project:

1.Think of a new/exciting idea

2.Start imagining and planning in my head

3.Start working on my idea

4.Give up mid-way

5. Get depressed

6. Get back at it way behind schedule and still not complete it

7. Go back to step 1 except that's basically how I start something new and not just a project :)

Have idea, lay ground work, get user interface designed, find out someone already had the idea and did that, repeat.