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I was explaining git and Github to one of my friends during our boring maths class when he asked : "What is the difference between git and Github?". Just then another friend of mine sitting in front turns out and said : "It's like the difference between porn and Pornhub".15
-
What a stupid configuration of firewall at my work:
devrant -> blocked because of entertainment category.
xvideos -> no problem at all.
Conclusion: sysadmin likes watching porn.14 -
Ranted about that porn work prank.
Forgot a joke the senior linux engineer pulled with me.
I came back from the toilet and sat down. Logged in. Cursor was on the left screen. Looked away and then back. Cursor was on the right screen.
*wait what? hmm must be my memory.*
*looks away and turns back*
*wait did that cursor just move.....?*
*damn what's up with me...?!?*
*turns around and looks back VERY quickly*
*cursor moves all over the screen*
*looks at front usb inputs*
*notices a wireless receiver*
*laughing from the corner where the senior linux engineer is sitting*
MOTHERFUCKER.25 -
So I learned something today. Always disable guest sessions in your Linux machine in a work environment.
Walked away from my pc to talk to a fellow Linux engineer.
Came back to a screen with pornhub and porn playing.
"wait how the hell? I locked my pc...?!?"
"ever heard of guest sessions mate? 😆"
😓
*silently disables guest sessions*
Well okay learned that one the hard way 😅31 -
Browsing to a porn site while still being in the corporate VPN.
Got a proxy page which said this type of content isn't allowed at work. Nearly had a heart attack ;D15 -
This happened at my previous job where I worked for a dating app. It was at a time where the CEO was trying to turn the dating app into “more than a dating app” by adding tons of social features. We always had “interests” which allowed users to see what interests they had in common with another person, but he wanted to take the social component even further.
So with that, he decided we needed an “activity feed.” The activity feed would show what various Facebook connected users were liking on Facebook, posting on Facebook, etc. On a dating app. Where the majority of the audience was > 50 years old. The idea was absolutely ridiculous and everyone but the CEO knew it was destined for failure before we started building it.
But that’s not the best part. The best part was when we launched the activity feed component. We launched it late on day and went home shortly after. The next morning, we came in, and checked on the activity feed to see what was doing. It was literally all spammers liking porn/sex related stuff on Facebook. It was a complete disaster. All garbage but not just boring garbage - completely obscene garbage.
And just like that, the activity feature came and went in the course of a few days.18 -
Customer: IT is completely useless! I’m getting PORN ADS on my work computer!? This is ridiculous!!!
Friend: Oh that’s not good, perhaps your computer has a virus of some sort let me take a look!
Friend takes a look and sees that the porn ads were all provided by google ad service, they weren’t related to a virus.
Friend: so, you don’t have a virus, but so that you know google gathers metrics on the sites you visit so that it can target ads at you better. Looks like that’s what’s happening here.
Customer: .............14 -
A client wanted me to make a website that compared the users face to that of a wrestler. We had done a lot of work, but now he wants to switch it...
to pornstars.
So, I guess the next week of my work is gonna be scraping porn websites. NSFW, for work.23 -
Sorry, I just had to post this cable porn I found posted in some random subreddit.
Just look at those curves
16 -
Learnt Murphy's law the hard way,
Don't use your office laptop to create a personal auto porn downloading project specially when your boss suddenly wants to use your laptop to do a product demo to client.
Now looking for a new job, let me know if anyone need a smart developer who loves solving problems like the one mentioned above.26 -
I lost a friend today😭.
He wanted to checkout my MacBook Pro, because he was thinking about buying one.
So I pulled mine out of my backpack, and turned it on.. Then windows 10 popped up!
I looked at him in shock like I just got caught watching porn. I tried to explain to him “it’s not what you think! I had to install it to use Microsoft Project!
He just looked at me in disgust, shaking his head, and walked away....35 -
If you accidentally send out a porn link, your best line of defense is to send 10 more, then blame it in a virus.
In fact just make a virus at this point.15 -
Guy left his computer unlocked. Boss came over looking for him, sat down at his computer and opened lots of porn and left saying 'that will teach him'.10
-
What's the downside of having a "high tech" classroom with Bose speakers and a mid tier PC you say?
Hackers
So back in highschool we used to have these fancy "corporate" classrooms with speakers, PC and projector setup (plus really comfy chairs). Classrooms were organized in triads next to each other so we usually knew when classes where taking place next to us.
One day I decided to fuck around with teachers, I waited until he/she started class and I remotely blasted music or porn sounds on the third empty classroom and waited until the angry teacher rushed to the classroom then...silence...nothing but an empty classroom.
One day one of the teachers was so pissed because I orchestrated a Vivaldi concert with the 3 classrooms he rushed into ours and took a friend of mine who he had a personal grudge against, I kinda felt bad but not so much after my mate told me that was genius and that we should do it again.
13 -
I somehow want to make an ai that analyses porn videos and learns to distinguish the parts when he cums on her face. I would call it facial recognition.
Sorry.19 -
How do you tell your family that you are currently developing a PornSite for a Client?
*Asking for a friend*
Note: I don't have friends41 -
This is Why I give IT support so much respect.
Friend: my computer stopped working can you help?
Me: (porn...again) fine I'll help.
Friend: come over when your ready
Me: Be there tomorrow bro
Next day.....
Me: where is your desktop
Friend: upstairs, I tried everything man
Me: look at the monitor... look at the hp piece of shit.. see green light on... look back at the monitor...no light... look at my friend.
Friend: 😕
Me:😪
Friend:😳
Me: look behind the desk...
Friend: 😰
Me: 😪your monitor is unplugged
Friend: 😅
Me: fuck you lose my number5 -
What genius had the idea of adding Chromecast support to pornhub? 📺
"Hey, let's make sure horny teenagers can easily or by accident present their interests on the Chromecast enabled family TV!"18 -
Douche: So your a programmer ?
Me: Yes
Douche: Excellent, I have an idea.....
Me: No
Douche: cmon bro, week be rich, this screensaver so will make us tons of money
Me: I have a question.
Douche: corz man waddup
Me: do you use a screensaver?
Douche: no, why?
Me: *walks away angrily10 -
Just noticed YouTube got inspired by porn video sites and now they are showing very short preview of video on thumbnail hover.
Nice but not that useful feature for non porn video site.5 -
Story.
Did you know logging into chrome will auto sync all your fucking bookmarks to that other person's account??
I DIDN'T!!
(I use Firefox mainly and chromium for testing.)
I use chrome only for porn. Got shit tons of bookmarks. I login to my friend's sister Gmail on my chrome(for remote desktop - to help fix her computer. Somehow,remote desktop doesn't work on chromium)
Was browsing her pc via remote session and suddenly all of my porn bookmarks appear at the top bar.)
Had to manually select each bookmark in the bookmark manager and delete since CTRL+A won't work during the remote session. Don't know why.
FML.27 -
List of things that my fucking corporate proxy blocks
* Maven
* The NPM registry
* Github
List of things that aren't blocked
* Google drive
* Twitter
* Porn
Half my mobile data is burned away by NPM sinkholes. Fuck this place.22 -
Client: Glad to have you on the team, you come highly recommended for your experience in Microsoft technology, specifically asp.net
Me: I was contacted for a php, mariadb project
Client: well they're all the same
Me: actually sir no.... No they're not.
Client: then why was I told to contact you
Me: you tell me, your hiring manager contacted me for a php project not asp or. Net
Client: well I guess I know who to blame for your, sorry for taking your time. Can I contact you if we have a project made with that thing you mentioned?
Me: php?, Sure
Client: nice...... Take care
Me: you too
That went better than I expected3 -
When you want to be a godly programmer but all you do on your free time is watch movies and porn. :(14
-
When a newb asks you 'what's the difference between git and github?' rhetorically ask them 'What's the difference between porn and pornhub?'8
-
Clint want custom CMS with php,
*makes custom CMS with php
Client thinks it's not php coz it looks pretty.
*shows php code
client still not convinced it's php8 -
Ever been scared to open your laptop in public because you can't remember if you closed the porn you were watching the prior night?22
-
one of my cousin ask me to help him for uploading his ex's private pics and videos on porn websites.
Because her parents are not allowing their marriage and she is not ready to go against family (he is not working anywhere, Jobless)
I simply take screenshots of our chat and send to his ex and her parents.
Hope they will punish him.16 -
"I want to create a Linux distribution from scratch but i don't know how to code, I'll pay you $300 but i get to have the rights to it"8
-
If you let me use your WiFi, I feel bad for you son.
I can see your 99 problems, and porn is definitely one!
😉😂😂😂😂7 -
Well one time, it was very awkaward.
My colleague went to lunch, and he was working on some website for international client.
So he left his mac unlocked, and as soon as I saw that I thought i would be cool to add click listener on body of page, and on click it opens up 100 tabs of porn. And I did that.
Before he returned from lunch, client called my boss, with wtf is happeneing with his site, and that it is constantly opening up porn.
What i didnt realize that before colleague went to lunch he contacted client to see some progress. And suprisingly I didnt know that his editor atom was automatically set up to upload website on save to dev server that client is currently looking.
We ofcourse told client it was the hackers :)
But boss wasnt that stupid.
Instant karma.4 -
Jjust got a notification from google drive that I'm out of space. Which is weird because I only have some documentation on there.
So I go looking around and find a folder of "Earth Porn". Apparently I had forgotten to stop a script I made about a year ago that saves all the /r/earthporn top posts.
Atleast I got screensavers for a life time though.12 -
Although I'm a Linux fan, I have to admit a few things:
1. BSD has the best mascot BY FAR.
2. Windows XP had the best sounds. Almost orgasmic...
3. Apple has the best fanboys. You see all those retards camping out of an Apple store waiting for a new gadget, it makes you feel good about yourself...
4. I would also say something about Google and Android, but they know what kind of porn I watch, so I think it's wise to skip that one...6 -
Happy 0x7E2!
Fun fact:
2018 = 2 x 1009 (both prime)
8102 = 2 x 4051 (both prime)
Let we all finiah at least one side project this year!11 -
I was called as an IT technician at law firm to install a program in a lawyer's pc. Found a porn video saved in bookmarks...why? 🙄14
-
Yesterday I was downloading illegal movie from the Internet and found this movie under comedy section and thought to download. After downloading I found out that it was a girl-to-girl porn.
Dear Developers and Content editors
Do your fucken job right and link the correct files.
Thank you.
PS: I enjoyed the porn12 -
Finished setting up my little war machine at the new desk. Posting picture as proof that this table was indeed tidy at some point in time.
15 -
When you laugh at a devRant post and the non-tech 50 year-old woman next to you finds out your good with computers. And then she asks you to delete her porn history... Awkward2
-
A friend just asked me to make an app that displays a different porn link everyday and makes a push notification which he wants to use with his friends.
For free. Nah fam2 -
When you look at your browser history and realise you watched porn on a browser linked to your work Google account6
-
Soooo my little encryption tool makes progress. <3
After a short break from development, we had our first successful loaded container yesterday!
This means:
- Protocoll is working
- We can create containers and store/copress files in it
- we're awesome
- I love it
- you are awesome, too!
(Loaded containers will be inaccessible for movement to different directories while our tool is open)
49 -
"I'll stop using Windows, Google, Youtube, Facebook, etc and move to a fucking hipster unsupported linux distro, so that they can't spy me in my top secret activities such as watching porn and browsing /r/me_irl"
sigh...39 -
1. Put headphones
2. Put videogame OST (Chrono Trigger is the best)
3. Start Atom
4. Sacrifice a male virgin to my Code Muse to replenish her mana stock
5. Jerk off seeing a fat granny midget porn
6. Clorophorm and put my coworker to sleep so he doesn't interrupt me to show the FailArm best fails of 2016
7. Atom is still loading, so I curse all the GitHub fuckers
8. Give up and start my emulator to play Chrono Trigger
9. Receive a pull request and realise I need to work and be a productive member of society
10. Goto 110 -
Really, I hate this composer / bower / npm shitholes!
Why the hell is my app 300MBs?!? Because that shitty pudding composer decided to download the ENTIRE git including README.md, examples, 5 hours of assembly-giraffe porn, my granny's pajamas and two wraps of kebabs!
How hard is it to define the folder that contains the REQUIRED library so that our project might stay at 5MBs instead of 300?18 -
Tumblr looks like a burning ruins right now.
They won’t actually delete porn, but they won’t allow to post porn since today either. So, petabytes of porn are here, untouched.
They haven’t defeated porn on tumblr, but they got rid of almost all of the creators who’d driven their crappy website, they’re gone to reddit and Twitter. So, that’s what I call “defeat”.
It’s funny how they posted a gif containing what they consider a permitted content and their own bot flagged it just minutes after
40 -
you guys complaining about doing PHP and WP because you needed money sounds like confessing about doing porn in college
"Sorry mom, but I really needed the money ..."1 -
Dear Luis,
If you are an anonymous hacker, please do not include your name in the mail.
Sincerely,
cursemeslowly a.k.a the person who has visited a porn site and supposedly being hacked by an Anonymous Hacker named Luis
21 -
I just noticed this in silicon valley season 2, during the porn transfer. Clever reference to 2g1c. 🤣
3 -
Anyone here who also got super bored while on a porn site and ended up pentesting that porn site..?14
-
Just saw this, people competing who's gonna put coolest shit inside 140 characters
https://www.dwitter.net/top
Some serious (js)dev porn inside7 -
Finally YouTube implemented something from the porn websites. I'm talking about quick video review on thumbnails.6
-
Fucking phone company just sent me a notification, CCing all other business customers they have in Sydney. I am going to sign all those customers to a porn newsletter, and then advise them about the privacy breach.11
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Hardcore loli porn.
Just kiddig. Video games and math study. I believe that the most elegant solutions come in the form of math and the challenge they impose as well as the satisfaction of getting the correct result (or the estimate for it) are comparable to running a succesfull application.11 -
Someone posted a picture of a porn actress(like a *new* actress) that looks exactly like my manager.....bruh this is killing me she looks exactly like my manager to the point that it is freaking me out thinking that she has a gig on the side or something
I can't get over this.
This is what happens when your manager is insanely attractive.
Internet wtf.
No i am not posting pictures.55 -
I’m reading through the Apollo 11 source code like a 13 year old that just found out what porn hub is.13
-
One time I did that "show all windows" gesture while my MacBook was connected to a beamer in front of about eight people when suddenly a text editor containing tons of porn site accounts appeared from the background.2
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If some yampy bloke ask me bout the origin of my username again imma shove a can of ice cold monster™ energy drink up em ass (: Is it hard to look it up?? (Dont look it up tho, it porn)
So it a funky ass breakbeat/chiptune kinda album. Sod off.
18 -
At that point, fuck jobs. I'm going to a tropical island to sip fruity rum drinks with little umbrellas in them while watching downloaded internet porn.6
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Forget porn detection and chatbots. What the big companies SHOULD be using AI for is detecting missing semicolons in code.15
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I wonder if flappy bird dev is in this community. Anyway, I want to ask you guys - What would have you done if you were in his situation?
I hear he removed the game after he saw people are wasting too much time on it.
People waste too much time on porn, Facebook, YouTube and what not. I don't understand his reasoning behind removing the game.
Anyway, what would have you done?
25 -
What the hell is wrong with you guys taking screenshots with your goddamn phone?! Ever heard of that small magical programm called "snipping tool"? It's like fucking screenshot porn! And yes, there is a screenshot programm on Linux too. Goddammit. Are you devs or fucking newbie users?16
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Rule 34.
"If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions." Rule 34 (novel), by Charles Stross
Same thing applies to npm modules.17 -
Your most paranoic internet experience?
Several years ago, I was going to watch my first porn movie, and I was so afraid of the porn page publishing on my facebook "Elizadeath liked Xporn.net" or something like that (I had family on my facebook friends) so I:
1.- Used an old tablet (even its screen was crashed)
2.- Removed all email accounts (it has Android)
3.- Uninstalled all the social media apps, including youtube
4.- Put a piece of tape on the frontal camera
5.- Bought new headphones
6.- Navigated at the Android's default browser instead of Chrome, and in "secret" mode
7.- Deleted the cache and history after watching the movie XD
What's your experience?23 -
Like u know how CPUs rely on basics of subatomic physics? So right now, in 2018, the biggest use of quantum mechanics is porn. Just think about that.2
-
Hurricane's fixing to hit.
What does that mean?
Downloading porn and movies for the power outage that's imminent. Priorities are aligned lol5 -
Funny programmer fantasy porn titles.
Add your 2 cents.
I'll start with.
Naive user needs hot reloading for her frontend.
Boss GF wants you to fix her backend.
Go!27 -
Can ppl stop bitching out about their ides not running smoothly with 8gb+ ram? I mean 8gb ram wise is enough, unless you have 20+ browser tabs open, watching some casual porn, downloading some more porn in the background and maybe running some benchmarks just for the sake of not letting your dollars go to waste...15
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Two prisoners built two computer from recycled parts, hacked into the security system and also gained access to the Internet. They got caught because they probably downloaded too much porn.
http://gizmodo.co.uk/2017/04/...4 -
A neural network backed video search engine which would let me look up porn with the pornstar from the video that i'm watching right now :D10
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rule 34: if it exists, there is porn of it
rule 35: if it exists, there's a javascript framework with that name10 -
PRIVATE - This is private, nothing here. seriously, there is nothing here. Do not click; I'm not kidding. Definitely no... [read more]3
-
Jesus Christ Almighty fucking Instagram is a real shit show lately.
So many fucking bots. The porn bots than spam comments and DMs, the bots people tag in comments that get you a lot of likes and then just people that use bots to comment on posts.
Like fucking hell bruh can y'all fix your shit?7 -
I have a confession to make. When i started programming it was done in my room all alone for around 6 months. I started watching porn while programming. And eventually only watched porn while coding to a point where I got turned on by programming.
I'm not sure if this further stimulated my love for programming or dimmed it. But sex and coding are now linked in my brain.7 -
I can't get the wifi generation. I love cables (except when they are in front of the tv), their performance, their plug-n-play without conflicts, that high level of nerdy childish porn of 80's in all the magnificence. It's just me? *snowflake feelings*8
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Okay so I’m swiping through tinder for my fellow coding mate and I’m either looking at a porn star or an lg.
Sooooo figures I might as well throw this out here:
Any females? Melbourne Australia??
I’m tired of swiping and I don’t want him to be lonely 😢15 -
I was really surprised how much hardcore work there is on freelancer.com. At first I asked myself what hardcore coding would look like. Then I realized... 😥 Only females wanted.7
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You know you have a good job when your manager gives you permission to watch porn on a hololens while on camera5
-
Cant decide whether to talk about how TeamViewer banned me because they think me helping my girlfriend all the time was commercial use,
or when she saw my porn while abusing my computer's GPU for training her model7 -
I should never have had porn while monitoring servers. I've just pasted a xvideos link into terminal 😶
Damn, I just hope there is a command to clear the terminal history13 -
ffmpeg...
I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!
I CAN JUST STACK THOSE FILTERS WITH NO RESTRICTIONS OVER AND OVER WITH DIFFERENT INPUTS AND OUTPUTS!!
Also: it fucking works with still images, AND IT’S FUCKING FAST!!
It’s around FOUR (4, DO YOU REALISE THE IMPROVEMENT) times faster to GAUSSIAN blur an image and then composite an image over it with ffmpeg, than to composite the image with imagemagick (no blurring)!!3 -
Title: Google can track your porn history, even in incognito mode
Body(tl;dr version): Pornsites use Google Analytics
You little idiotic motherfucking tech savvy wannabe, most of the websites use some form of user tracking services.
Hell, even the blog/news website you work for probably does.22 -
Oh sweet mother of god.
What is the NBN Connection i have attached to my router?
It goes "give me all your data... NOW"
I'm not used to such speed in my house, excuse me while I watch my porn collection in 4K!5 -
rutee: i watch porn and masturbate
everyone: HOLY FUCKING SHIIIIIIT ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++7 -
https://iknowwhatyoudownload.com/
if private tracker then no problem, but on public IP, everything gets listed down.
Problem here is i didn't download any of it, and i also got tagged as "likes porn" (what kind of shit is that ??)
how did this list was generated in the first place ?
18 -
On Skype.
[tldr: #muhPrivacy;]
You know, people hiring via Skype.
Gaming, seeing family or having long range relationships.
It's become a decent tool.
Then there is the Skype employee.
Opening a court case because in his work time, evaluating Skype calls - ON FUCKING OBSERVING SKYPING PEOPLE - he has to look at too much flesh (as in porn) for his salary level.
Like : the payment category states that you gotta be classed like 1,2 salary categories higher for such work.
So the first instance did not recognise the employees case, because they said its a state thing, or even higher.
Later instance evaluated the employee was right and decreed Microsoft / the NSA (whomever direct employees they are) to properly categorize their employees.
Therefore cost relatively exploded and an algorithm to detect nudity was built.
Wich is operational way earlier than Skypes TOS renewal mid 2018.
That also bans bad language and auto bans given accounts.
Talking about social credit..
in PROC (or prod, as they're known).
And btw: complaining about Google while posting Christmas gatherings on Instagram.. You get what I mean.
Honestly, I don't recall the sources. It's been a while.
I'd really appreciate a little compendium of this for historical reasons.
They will ask: what has brought us here? What is everyone an ultimate right/left/center/agnostic/religious fascist?
And we'll have it on paper. Or papyrus,.. even stone. As I don't know how far mighty people will go for their fortune.15 -
Concerning my last rant, some explanation:
In short:
Skype and security agencies spy on all the people.
More context:
To the extent, that Skype employees suffer mentally from excessive porn.
That's what large amounts of users did on this platform the last two decades.
So the affected had to bring their case to national, maybe even super national courts.
Which gave in to their claim.
Thus bringing the employees into another salary category, so, compensating the damage done.
What sounds like a unions topic reveals large scale mass surveillance of everybody without exception.
And describes some effort in machine led (picture) recognition.2 -
Life is about wrangling, biologists wrangle snakes, porn stars wrangle cocks, I wrangle giant JSON objects.2
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Devrant: the only place where people don't post links to porn unless it is not actually related to the porn.3
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When a ping with less than 10ms eqauls ping porn, shouldn't pinging yourself be considered masturbating?2
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I don't know if anyone else here uses kik but there's something that's been bugging me for a while
Occasionally (frequently) bots start a conversation with you (the typical "come visit my porn website etc etc), right? Now, this has happened to me at least 20 times now, and EVERY single time, the bot's profile picture has loads of translucent yellow stars edited in, and I have no idea why
I can't think of a possible explanation for this, and I've put a lot of thought into it
Attached is a cropped version of what I mean
20 -
I've just added the possibility to connect to an external game server to my app and immediately regret it. People started sending me emails saying that it doesn't work. What they entered in the URL bar? "hi", "cunt" and a porn website...9
-
I was working on my OOD class project (code analyzer) while my gf was trying to watch greys anatomy...for some reason Netflix and watch series wasn't working and she asked me what do I do...
My spontaneous reply: have u tried github...😕
Her reply: what is that is it like a porn site4 -
Here is another rather big example of how C++ is WAY slower than assembler (picture)
Sure - std::copy is convenient
but asm is just way faster.
This code should be compatible with EVERY x86_64 CPU.
I even do duffs device without having the loop:
the loop happens in the rep opcode which allows for prefetching (meaning that it doesnt destroy the prefetch queue and can even allow for preprocessing).
BTW: for those who commented on my comment porn last time: I made sure to satisfy your cravings ;-)
To those who can't make sense of my command line:
C++ 1m24s
ASM 19s
To those who tell me to call clang with -o<something>:
1) clang removes the call to copy on o3 or o2
2) the result isnt better in o1 (well... one second but that might be due to so many other things, and even if... one second isn't that much)
26 -
Some days ago a friend told me about this good site to by the new .app domains, bigdaddy.com.
So I wanted to look for a domain and ooops, thats gay porn 😮
I confused names with godaddy.com. Maybe a lecture at uni is not the best place to open this site 😅 -
So... Lots of rants about hacking.
Let me yell you a story...
Two decades ago I was asked to fix the school library computers and block then from using mIRC.
I cleaned all the machines, reinstalled the pirate copy of windows I was provided, blocked installing programs, blocked running of programs except the ones required (office, Netscape) and vnc in every computer, that I could access in a off-site computer.
Next day all the computers had mIRC... Just to show how kids are smart... Someone changed the MIRC.exe to iexplore.exe and that way could execute any program he wanted...
Invisible hard drive? Just use command line (so he could copy mIRC to a hidden folder)
Still, scared lots of kids, wen watching porn and a message would pop up , asking to not watch porn in school, but never couth the guy -
Just woke up from a really weird dream about coding in PHP, watching Porn, some guy getting is dick cut off...
I wonder if all those things are somewhat related...5 -
seeing all these real life computer setups and desktops makes me drool. @dfox and @trogus , mind if i suggest creating a tab or place to share this exquisite computer porn ?7
-
[worst hypothetical dev job]
You know how theres a dedicated person in porn whos job is blowing the actors so they are hard? That, but with writing all the boilerplate code and nothing else.1 -
Just found out that UK is blocking porn. You have to get verified through somethig called AgeID before you can access anything. What are they even thinking?9
-
Ranting about the guy on DevRant.
Business Guy asks me what app I'm using.
Open Midget Porn instead.
If he found out, I'm fucked.4 -
Client: "documentation, oh you mean those grey texts the previous code guy wrote on the code files"
Me: I kinda need more than "grey texts on the code files" if you want me to actually fix the system and implement the new specs.
Client: oh you mean the Microsoft asp books
Me: It's a Laravel system sir, it's php not asp.net
Client: what are those?
Me:.................2 -
I don't think it's a coincidence that my internet disconnects for a few seconds when i click link to porn sites.
Happy everytime time :/10 -
I was thinking about masters in computational neuroscience, so I revisited the lecture notes I took as an undergraduate during intro courses. This shit fucks you so hard it deserves its own porn category somewhere between fisting and DP.3
-
I'm having a cold and going through Kleenexes faster than a porn addict with Duracell stamina.
So, the question is what therapy exercise to engage in, that fits a brain that's semi dysfunctional due to fever. Last time, I made a Sudoku solver. This turned out to be very useful, because every time someone says "You should try Sudoku!", I can just end the persuasion attempt by replying "I've already solved the general case".
Might do a Rubik's cube solver this time.9 -
I was asked to check something today that was handed over on a USB stick. "Could you check that the file structure is correct". Of course I said. Then I prepared my camera, changed the insides of the stick to my rubber ducky, wrote a little script and uploaded it. Oh yea and corrected the structure.
The face of the colleague was priceless when I brought back the stick and he sticked it right into his computer.
The script was roughly:
- open browser
- open history
- search "porn"
- select second row
- enter
=D office pranks <32 -
!dev
I've got problems.
I deleted a porn video I had and now I've been trying to find it on a site I visit regularly for the past week with no real guarantee that it'll even be there.
I mean, a book is understandable, but a frickin' porn video?
Save me from this procrastination guys.19 -
So ... I'm just watching an anime (Musaigen no Phantom World) ... and this scene isn't related to the main plot. This is the intro of the third episode - the intros of the first two episodes were about the "phantoms", "illusions" ... :)
It starts with a blue screen and the little fairy (it's a phantom btw) said: "When the PC goes crazy, you panic quickly."
In the screenshot he says: "It is important to back up your data somewhere in case of an emergency."
A second screenshot is added in the comments.
8 -
If I didn't find the information I need from your web page on the first few seconds, I close. And no, I don't want to get a notification from you.3
-
Damn, this delicate 15.6" piece of plastic I call my laptop is the reason I have to tolerate stupid curious college-mates. Whenever I open it, everyone is like woah dude, you are a coder! does it have porn ? or games ?
yeah mann fuck you . its 2018 , I don't play pc games and I can watch porn online . can you fucktards just leave me alone and let me work ?
Why don't we have cheap laptops with good specs but smaller screens? like 7" or 9"
fucking CSE college pervs acting like babies :/8 -
My best prank: A year ago I was at my friends flat, which he finally rented with his new girlfriend. He is a kind of person, which has like constantly opened 110 tabs in chrome, three or four instances of chrome running, torrenting at full speed and in the meanwhile a few films having opened to "watch" later. He is very very secure about his computer and NEVER leaves me or anyone else alone with his computer. That day we were just talking in the same room, and he goes for some food. I was like yeah thats my chance to prank him. So I opened a new tab and came with an idea - what If I change his desktop background to some random chick, to prank both him and his gf. I knew she will not be mad but his reaction would be priceless (it was his first gf). So I started googling, found a three pretty naked chicks. This was like soft porn, they were still "dressed" but not much. I did not wanted to use a porn for this.
So I was about to download image - right click - save as - little window opened and..
...what the hell, that guy had literally like terabytes of porn in download folder, all totally in one chaos, thousands of images, millions of downloaded videos, all categories just everything from gangbang to milfs or old/ young, what the fuck that computer was like cursed station of porn.
In that point I was like fuck that. This prank has no sense then. So I just closed that little window and did nothing. Prank failed.
Nowdays, He still does not know what I know about his "hobbies". And I will never say him lol. About a months after he broke with his gf and moved to different house. He has now three monitors attached to his computer and 4tb of space. He is still complaining about "lack of space" and "too big downloaded movies" but we all know what is going on lol. We call his "working deck" a sacred porn station.1 -
Non-techie friend: Does Blu-ray Compact disc will be blue in color or contains blue films ( In India we use blue films to refer porn movies ) ?
Me: :/6 -
You know it's been a good day's work, when you look at the code you've written and part of u just feels like touching yourself.4
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Dumb fucking developers who think working from home keeps us from seeing they spend half of the time fucking around on facebook, youtube and pornhub instead of working.
You're on the VPN fuckheads that means we see everything even if you're at home.
"zomg zomg i got fired because virus, stupid evil companyz!!!!!11"10 -
You know how Rule 34 of the Internet is:
"if it exists, there is porn of it"
I think another one should be:
"if it exists, there's Indian spam accounts on it"4 -
my farther, it took me three hours to teach him how to use a mouse, and complains about not being able to find the free WiFi (he expects it to be something physical he can walk up to and take).
but whe he finds out the Internet has porn he (by himself without instructions) hacks the senior community center's router to bypass the porn filter.3 -
Somebody asked me if I could make a little windows program that can download and save streams from a camgirl (porn) site (he would pay me for it in Bitcoin)...
This is by far one of the weirdest client requests I've gotten so far...13 -
Being a programmer and addicted to porn is a challenge, thus most work is in front of the screen. It's like trying to stop drugs but you work in a drug factory...
I've realized that it highly affects my ability to focus on code.
And btw, don't come with this is a reddit nofap comment, it's applicable here thus its for developers.24 -
First exposure to computer?
Back in 2005, I think. Windows PC, I think. The rest is very blur.
All I can remember is it was white and monitor was big like a television. First ever computer of our family. No internet. No game except solatire and craps. Mainly just used it for porn-purpose. Did some programming assignments. Did some poems writing and then printed them out with all-in-1 printer and tried to sell the booklet to girls in public. (Obviously sold zero).2 -
About 5 years ago I worked at a small company developing websites and .NET applications.
They haven't changed any passwords which means, I still have access to ALL of their customers DNS setups.
Of course I wouldn't do anything.
But just the thought, that I could make an infinite loop, by redirecting the domains, is amazing.
Or redirecting them to a porn site.3 -
Was going through tech training and using tight VNC to access remote machine. A colleague was also accessing the same machine.
When instructor walked around to view my progress, my colleague closed my tab and opened sites like 'church of satan' and porn sites.
😐 -
Saw @Linuxxx sad cuz his name was not among @BroCow porn tags.
So I figured I'd rant to include his name with triple xxx in rant.
Oh on a side node..
How's things going, @Ashkin?
Bad Trifecta still got ye down? :/..24 -
I have a new personal project that I hope I'll share with you guys one day. It just came to me. A fog simulation for a window manager such that it has fog behind the transparent console while you code and the fog goes in front when the terminal is locked. How about it?2
-
Browsing Reddit for weird porn back stories and you stumble upon the efficiency regarding loops
P.S. - the comments has more
9 -
I applied for a dev job, ofc _without_ looking at their references before sending my candidature.
Turns out 80% of their references are porn sites...
Most of them are quite big as far as I can tell, but I don't really wanna work for a company like them. I'm still young, I don't really think it would make a good impression later on if I'd had a company who makes 80% porn sites in their portfolio in my CV when posting for more serious stuff.
And they asked me for a phone interview. Should I accept it?5 -
I don't think there's a better porn search engine than Bing videos. It even suggests some of the most hilarious and outlandish search tags when you look for porn.
-
TIL Wikipedia was funded by revenue from a porn site.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
Porn is everywhere!
It's so obvious porn is the one thing that can bring popularity to VR and AR technology.
pic: Wikipedia founder with some porn stars
7 -
I just realized something, they put a lot of ads and viruses on porn sites because they were so horny, they didn't even think of the consequences opening the sites
*Mind Blown*
Yes Im a bit slow on this...6 -
Please share the weirdest business logic you had to implement!
I remember having to filter certain categories and specific movies based on ID that were.. Well.. German porn.. Hardcoded Ids, not proud2 -
Design patterns are to programming what cum swapping is to porn: The further it is carried, the nastier it gets, and at the end an innocent victim has to clean up the whole mess.4
-
HELP ME OUT BRUTHA AND SISTUR..
I've finally finished my website - now's the time to do the tedious thing and get a decent hosting for as little money as possible.
Does anyone know a hosting that has:
- High privacy ethics (not that I'm gonna store porn there, just my screenshots posted via ShareX)
- VPS-based hosting I can put a nice Linux on.
- Unlimited or 'really high' bandwidth.
- Located in Europe (UK included lol).
I would be most thankful :P25 -
All my friends make fun of me because of a rumor I watch porn… I'm only on private for the dark theme…4
-
What are you guys doing against brute force attacks on your login webpages? I don't want anybody to access my porn ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). But I don't want to block the useraccount because that would be annoying because you could simple lock a user out of his account :/ any suggestions? What are you doing on your sites?12
-
How did pornhub pitch their idea to investors?
"...making the world a better place by enabling people watch porn faster and reliably" -
This network is like a combination of twitter, Microsoft, programmers and porn, so it is exciting to see relevant topics for me.5
-
My previous boss. He is a very cool guy. He treat us lunch and dinner sometimes. We always have a conversation topic like existentialism and being in a subconscious state of mind, because most people I met is just very basic. He also owns an office where we are all working in. we watch porn together at night, gossip about hot girls nearby the office area and curse a lot. I love laid back person like him. Also he's humble as fuck.5
-
Ads on youtube,
Pop up Ads on games,
Ads on torrent sites,
Pop up Ads on porn pages,
There are people who are happy that they get money out of them,
And, there are People who think it is unfair to have so much ads.
Which person are you?13 -
Thank god there are (web) proxies.
The Turkish government is blocking access to many porn sites (which I find kind of ok - to make a barrier for the kids), but then again also German Streaming websites.
They are not blocking most German websites tho. Just the websites in the "illegal to non ethical" category (which I also find kind of OK), but it annoys me.3 -
I LOST FAITH IN HUMANITY!
searched vim on ddg, found porn. Fuck me.
Looks like there’s no exception to the “3 letters rule”5 -
I moved to another ISP today. Now my download speed is 40Mbps and upload 20Mbps. I can browse devRant faster and download porn much faster via IDM.12
-
If in emergency you have to hide porn..
Just put all in one folder and then compress
it with zip/rar and change the extension which none of your computer program can understand or just change it to .class or .cpp!5 -
Does your PC still have a hunk of spinning rust inside it?
Crucial MX300 - 750GB - £105. 99. https://amazon.co.uk/dp/B01DUNLMUU/...
YOU'RE WELCOME.3 -
Had to use the pfsense's url in my Default Gateway which is 172.0.1.1 from our school.
Before was:
Youtube-blocked
Facebook-blocked
#anime tags -blocked
#porn tags - blocked
up to 100kbps download speed
After:
All uncensored Websites!
1Mbps download speed
Unfortunately the Network Admin found my IP and slowed down my download speed. I can search R-18 links but I don't want to be caught in his SquidProxy log. so I'm still lucky to browse my animu website.3 -
Fucking recommendation engines deciding what I like. For fucks sake, let a man decide what porn genre he is into.6
-
What big set of fucken steel balls does one need to just clap your notebook without closing your porn?
-
A VR/AR OS, with gesture recognition and virtual tools, to substitute workstations.
Imagine painting a picture in a AR canvas, for example.
Or using photoshop in VR for a distraction free enviroment. For coding, I would want to use a real keyboard, of course, but I would use virtual screens for everything.
The possibilities are endless, but people would probably use it mostly for porn, obviously. -
On the Clients dial in number, in the waiting room:
Such a Porn Groove playing
Pretty apt i suppose
most the time I'm either Fucked or about to get Fucked on these calls1 -
definitely designing and building an affiliate platform including ad tracking , member sign-up, and content delivery for a porn company
-
Sorry but whats the connection between rubber duck and programming?
Is it like java and javascript
Or porn and pornhub?2 -
On a business trip. I brought my work laptop and my personal laptop with me. Because I am smart. But a lot of my coworkers only bring their work laptops. So I guess I am basically wondering how much porn has tainted the work laptops. Especially since they will auction them off around once a year. To be clear I am not wondering about the software taint.2
-
When my parents come into my rooms I usually open hackertyper.com and start typing. They think I am a genius of informatics, while I just use pc for gaming and porn.
-
https://techcrunch.com/2017/11/...
*LookAtCalendar* 1st april already done this year...
I would suggest to use the function to set a "mentally challenged"-flag on the user profile.
Let's hope the developers behind that idea are still lying under their desks laughing their asses off.3 -
"Oh computer, your real name should be porn funnel. I love my family more than you, but only collectively. on a case by case basis I love you more than any individual family member. "
-Nerd 'robot chicken' -
One time, i would put a random stacktrace / error log containing fake server credentials/ card info etc on a page/ action letting those "hackers" waste their time digging into it.. only to found out that the server is just a repo of (i would like to say porn butthats still a win situation) useless things1
-
Python is my wife, Elixir is my sexy girlfriend. While I love my life, the gf presents me what my wife cant. ReactJs/Rxjs is a lovely classic porn. The question is: what the fuck devRant is here???6
-
That emberassing moment when you watch youtube on tv and you mom walks in as the FIFA ad starts to bawl loudly outta your tv.
Worse than getting stepped in on watching porn imo. -
VR porn sucks... So does Daydream...
Overheating even on OP6... which is why I was watching it at 6am... Ok now I'm off to work...5 -
tl;dr Which new laptop + Linux distro combo should I get when seeking for minimal configuration and maintenance hassle?
Hey devRant gang!
I'm looking for a new laptop: which one is supported out-of-the-box by Ubuntu based Linux distros like Elementary OS?
Why Elementary OS you ask? Well, I want to move away from macOS and/but keep the minimal (and pretty) design/interface!
But: I don't want to waste time configuring stuff after install or a kernel update. I don't have time for that: I need to get shit done.
As much as I dislike closed source/evil corporate stuff the fact of the matter is that my MacBook Pro Just Works (and lets me get shit done).3 -
20 fucking seconds for a fucking un-muttable ad.
What if I was trying to slyly watch porn while my brother is half asleep three feet away from me, huh? Fuckin shopping music blaring out my screen.
Holy fuck.
4 -
So I have this habit of googling weird things, obvious things and random things. Over time, I've stuck to using incognito all the time because Google suggestions and targetted ads annoy me (almost) like nothing else. It's a really nice thing to know that some algorithm out there is not judging you.
On the downside, you'll have to constantly explain to people around you that you're not a porn addict. :/3 -
I'm genuinely contemplating changing my career to an IT support role from my current web dev endeavors.
I have become rather disinterested for quite some time with web development, I've been working with React, Angular, the regular Wordpress stuff with the theme building/modifying, headless instances, plugin development and whatnot and all of these have become more of a chore than anything else.
I'm leaning towards an IT support role as I genuinely have more interest in a user support/infrastructure support role than a developer role, the question is, is it doable ?. I know my way around Windows and Linux Servers, know LDAP, Active Directory, BASH, Powershell, Networking, can do cabling and whatnot but I don't have the experience to show off those.
Any tips would be greatly appreciated4 -
Working on my new WebSite/Shop while discovering an Error....
I got a "Download" button as <input> that triggers an JS-Script that makes a POST-Request to a target=_blank, that downloads the file via a header (so that people won't know where the content is located, but I blocked the source with .htaccess, too)
So the error: While testing in Mozilla everything worked fine, but as soon as I switched to Chrome THAT FUCKING STUPID DOWNLOAD PAGE WON'T FUCKING OPEN! I HAD TO CHANGE IT FROM AN INPUT TO AN DIV AND TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT IT COSTED ME FUCKING 1 HOUR! FUCK YOU CHROME! FUCK YOU! YES YOU FUCK YOU! YOU RUIN EVERYTHING! MOZILLA IS FASTER WHY THE FUCK DO I STILL USE YOU BESIDES OF PORN! OH WAIT I DON'T EVEN WATCH PORN BETTER UNINSTALL YOU NOW! FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU6 -
I use Google, stackoverflow, tech documentations to unstuck myself and I'm not afraid to admit it coz ham1
-
The best tip I got is scheduling. Try to focus on work for 1-2 hours and then take a break. On the break you can check Facebook, news or maybe porn if that's your thing.
-
Dear Bethesda, Long time no rant eh?
So, I Pre-ordered your mess called Fallout 76! I was hyped! But you fucktards just fucked everything from behind...
Shit Graphics, over 1001 bugs, everything...
I didnt play it much so, I didnt think about it until now... now when my Drives called, "Porn", "more porn" and "a fuckton of porn" are full, and whats the biggest game ive installed? Yes. Fallout 76... I uninstalled this mess and wanted a refund of my 95.60CHF, Which is A LOT for a game... and you fucks lurking in the background replied with "players who have downloaded the game are not eligible for a refund." Aka: "We now have your money, bought some cheap hookers with it, and now dont have it anymore JK LOOOOL XDDD"
Yeah, and my friend who wanted a refund, got it. Fuck off bethesda, take your shitty shit of a shit piece of shit game with you and fly away with it.
I cant take it anymore...
OH, AND DID I MENTION YOU PUT AN AD ON YOUR MAIL?! Like this:
We have your money now, but please waste more on it on our other shit games.
FUCK OFF!
20 -
Speaking about porn blocking on linux, how can I make a service unstoppable without losing my root privilege? :/4
-
Fuck, got one of my Twitter bots permanently suspended. Twitter won't even tell me why.
It was called "gifb0t" and simply searched for "favourite gif" every hour and Retweeted 5 of the search results.
It turned up some killer gifs.
But it also sometimes (unintentionally) found porn gifs... Maybe someone complained?
Frustrating as I have other bots that are allowed to keep running.
Farewell and thanks, gifb0t!
And fuck you, Twitter.2 -
I've talked to people, psychiatrists and tried religion just so I can stop watching porn.
I have a beautiful wife, MSc degree in engineering and well-payed job.
But for some reason, whenever I'm alone my mind bursts images of porn, and before I know it, I'm watching porn.
Despite the things I've achieved, it feels like my true potential is hold back.
This influences my mood, development work and so on.
Mindfulness doesn't work, plugins to block it doesn't work and talking to someone doesn't work. Everything is tried.15 -
Have you guys seen that guy bought 80's Mac and found a hidden porn game on it? Then here is this https://goo.gl/7qEH8J
-
Does Google's phone backup thing obey .nomedia or backup the SD card? It's useful to me just due to the /data backup, but I don't want it uploading and categorizing my porn folder for all to see.3
-
If you guys hadn't heard yet, CNN broadcasted porn last night by accident
Who is getting fired?
http://thenextweb.com/shareables/...5 -
don't you just love it when you have to fix a system that consists on unnecessary junk code, horrible/lack of indentation, no documentation and the clients says "I don't know what happened fix it and I'll post you good"
I mean, I live for this shit man! -
Google just fucked Apple so hard by extending Assistant to iOS! Now let's see wether Siri visits Android 😝! I think it was more arousing than porn, "pun intended" 😂 ...
-
Do you ever read and re-read the description of some up coming training sessions and it reads like porn to you?
And you're like, yeah, I picked the right profession. -
Solitaire on windows 98 then got windows millenium toshiba laptop, installed diablo 2 and my dad gone nuts because of 8gb hard drive so he havent got any more space for porn xD, then i installed some dialer malware and got fcked up for about 400 bucks meh
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