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Holy. Fucking. Shit.
++111111110 on devrant. This is my moment to shine, my account completely blew up. I am the Elon Musk of devrant. I am the coolest bitch on this website, bow before me you peasants!
... wait, is this binary?7 -
Uber Driver: What do you do, Sir?
Me: I'm an Engineer. What about you?
Uber Driver: I'm a Uber Driver.
Me: :/7 -
Dev: So how do you want this feature fixed?
Manager: It should work how it worked before.
Dev: I'm new to this feature, I don't know how it worked before or what is broken about it.
Manager: Well just make it work like it worked before.
Dev: I DONT KNOW HOW IT WORKED BEFORE THAT IS WHY I AM ASKING YOU. PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN DO MY JOB.
Manager: Just how it worked before!
Dev: ...
Manager: ...
Dev: fuck you18 -
Recruiter: Your skills are amazing! There's hight demand! massive shortage! the market is hot!
Me: great
Recruiter: But your rate is too high.
Me: ....7 -
I’m surrounded by idiots.
I’m continually reminded of that fact, but today I found something that really drives that point home.
Gather ‘round, everybody, it’s story time!
While working on a slow query ticket, I perused the code, finding several causes, and decided to run git blame on the files to see what dummy authored the mental diarrhea currently befouling my screen. As it turns out, the entire feature was written by mister legendary Apple golden boy “Finder’s Keeper” dev himself.
To give you the full scope of this mess, let me start at the frontend and work my way backward.
He wrote a javascript method that tracks whatever row was/is under the mouse in a table and dynamically removes/adds a “.row_selected” class on it. At least the js uses events (jQuery…) instead of a `setTimeout()` so it could be worse. But still, has he never heard of :hover? The function literally does nothing else, and the `selectedRow` var he stores the element reference in isn’t used elsewhere.
This function allows the user to better see the rows in the API Calls table, for which there is a also search feature — the very thing I’m tasked with fixing.
It’s worth noting that above the search feature are two inputs for a date range, with some helpful links like “last week” and “last month” … and “All”. It’s also worth noting that this table is for displaying search results of all the API requests and their responses for a given merchant… this table is enormous.
This search field for this table queries the backend on every character the user types. There’s no debouncing, no submit event, etc., so it triggers on every keystroke. The actual request runs through a layer of abstraction to parse out and log the user-entered date range, figure out where the request came from, and to map out some column names or add additional ones. It also does some hard to follow (and amazingly not injectable) orm condition building. It’s a mess of functional ugly.
The important columns in the table this query ultimately searches are not indexed, despite it only looking for “create_order” records — the largest of twenty-some types in the table. It also uses partial text matching (again: on. every. single. keystroke.) across two varchar(255)s that only ever hold <16 chars — and of which users only ever care about one at a time. After all of this, it filters the results based on some uncommented regexes, and worst of all: instead of fetching only one page’s worth of results like you’d expect, it fetches all of them at once and then discards what isn’t included by the paginator. So not only is this a guaranteed full table scan with partial text matching for every query (over millions to hundreds of millions of records), it’s that same full table scan for every single keystroke while the user types, and all but 25 records (user-selectable) get discarded — and then requeried when the user looks at the next page of results.
What the bloody fucking hell? I’d swear this idiot is an intern, but his code does (amazingly) actually work.
No wonder this search field nearly crashed one of the servers when someone actually tried using it.
Asdfajsdfk.21 -
Interviewer: "I'll checked your GitHub, your side projects looks very interesting! Tell me about your other hobbies. "
Me:"Other hobbies? "8 -
Dude, remote work in a country side city makes me feel like people think I'm a drug dealer or something
I never leave my house10 -
Colleague started to share their screen
Me: screen is not visible to be
Them: let me just increase the brightness of my monitor5 -
I am stupid as fuck.
This just happened:
I walk by the kitchen. I think to myself, I should get a cup of coffee. Let's quickly go to my office and grab my mug. I go to my office, grab my full mug, go to the kitchen, look down in my full mug and realise it is full with coffee.
Look around the kitchen for a moment, wondering why I am here when I already have some coffee... Figure out that I am stupid as fuck. Go back to write this rant. And now I'll continue with my work.13 -
PhD applications in computer science are so fucking frustrating. I have responded to so many invasive questions so far. The only private information universities haven't asked yet, is my bra size. The only contact they haven't asked for yet, is my kindergarten teacher (And her bra size, coincidentally). The only document about a potential project I haven't given to them yet, is my freaking dissertation. None of these have anything to do with my research potential, btw. There's nothing asked of me about my research aspiration and how I actually undertake a research project.
And then suddenly it occured to me: people in Academic administration are not smart. I'm actually explaining my potential to a pretty dumb bunch (Excluding those in research, none of whom will bother with these stupid documents).
... The world seems to revolve around stupid people. Fuck.19 -
Fuck China.
Fuck the U.S. government.
Fuck the UK and Australia and all the other governments for taking advantage of the crisis of the last two years to get more power and money for their elites.
Fuck them all for starting COVID with their unsanctioned and unethical “gain of function” lab experiments and creating so much chaos that nobody really has a chance anymore at living the life they had dreamed of or so carefully planned for.
Fuck them for the out of control spending and money printing and inflation and even messing around with trying to regulate and tax crypto so we don’t have any kind of escape valve to live a normal, happy life.
Because of them, I can’t even enjoy my time off work. Even if I could plan a vacation that wouldn’t have to be canceled due to an outbreak or resultant supply chain issues, I can’t travel without severe restrictions that make it miserable and not worth the trouble.
Fuck them for making everyone into stupid monkeys fighting over opinions about data that is incomplete, misunderstood, misrepresented, or downright fixed toward a specific pharma-fascist authoritarian outcome.
And fuck them especially for being hypocrites and going to parties and generally not following their own rules they made for us when they think we’re not watching, and then persecuting and prosecuting us when we dare do the same.
Fuck ‘em all. I’m so done.21 -
Client: When will you give me an update on this feature
Me: In two weeks
Client: okay that’s fine
Client proceeds to call me everyday asking me for an update🤨🤨
Fuck you sir.4 -
Hey Root. Here’s a new ticket for you. It involves lots of things you’ve never seen before, and the only person you can ask is out this week.
Hey Root. Why haven’t you been making good progress every day? Why didn’t you reach out to the guy on FTO? Clearly you can’t communicate. Give me detailed status updates twice a day at specific times, covering <exhaustive list of topics> so I know you’re working. What do you mean “no”!?
Hey Root. Stop working on that ticket, and work on this other ticket. It’s the same thing, but different. High-priority!
Hey Root. You asking questions about that ticket pissed off a legendary golden boy principal dev, and he said it’s a bad idea and that we should have assigned it to a different team, too — you know, the team who usually works on these areas. But we might still have you do it. Please work on the previous ticket that’s in the exact same area until we decide.
Hey Root. Why haven’t you gotten anything done?12 -
We got the report made by the EU committee that is assigned to evaluate our project (robotics in the service of healthcare).
I was full on trashing the reviewers for writing some seriously dumb shit, and low-key dissing my professor. Until I got to the part where they addressed the work package I was responsible for. They referred to my work as impressive and innovative, and I was like, well, maybe they're not that bad 😂10 -
ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
I've got a client that is complaining a long sentence is on multiple lines on a mobile device.
You literally cannot make this stuff up. They are literally saying, "move this specific word up to the line above."8 -
I’m so tired of egocentric lying management executive types.
Executive: You should be thinking about how you speak to the “leadership”.
Me: How about stop lying, blaming me for your own mistakes, and then blackmailing?
Guy has never heard ‘no’ in his life.
Seriously, иди на хуй.10 -
Please do not send me fucking messages saying “hi how are you?“ and then wait for my response before asking me what you actually want.14
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I love my dad 😂. I asked him on WhatsApp if he could send me his Location... He sent me an Image instead of the GPS Location.
13 -
Me: *quietly looking at mechanical keyboards*
She: Why do you want another keyboard? $80 for a keyboard? What's wrong with your existing keyboard?
Me: *glances over a wall of bags she owns*
She: ...
Me: *clicks add to cart*6 -
On the presentation for my database project my team and I showed a NodeJS + Mongo + VueJS project with cloud storage capability, nothing fancy but did everything from scratch (from token auth and system encryption to the frontend CSS and the database) the teacher made some questions and meh'd at it.
Behold team two's project, WordPress with a standard template and phpMyAdmin, teacher loves it because "it's so beautiful"
Guess who just failed that class?
God I love college, it's the best time investment I've ever done and it'll surely pay out.
11 -
!dev
My neighbors are absolute assholes.
I can't get enough sleep. This is driving me nuts. Worst of all, they're all students. I've called the cops on them once, but still the same behavior.
Am about to lose it, ngl.30 -
Recruiter: "How do you see the future of the field?"
Me: "... How do I see the future of neurorobotics?"
Hom: "Yes"
Me: 😐 *baffled*8 -
my boss: this fucking thing doesn't get done and everyone is coming after me about it
me, who doesn't have the access required to fix that for him:
4 -
Holy fuck nvidia. Why the fuck you want me to login to your fucking app in order to download a fucking driver. You also want me to click a fucking link that you sent to my email for verification on every fucking login? Why on earth someone would stole my fucking nvidia account? To see which drivers I use? What the fuck nvidia? Oh wait. DO YOU DARE ASK ME TO SETUP TWO FACTOR AUTH TO SECURE MY ACCOUNT?!? What the fuck? Even if I put my credentials online no one would care to login my fucking nvidia account. Just let me download my fucking driver!6
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You know what, fuck microshit to fuck town and back again.
What part of disabling "allow the computer to turn of this device to save power"
DO YOU NOT FUCKIJG UNDERSTAND!
MY FUCKING USB'S ARE GOING FUCKING MENTAL SWITCHING ON AND OFF LIKE A DRUNKEN HOBO YOU COCK FUCKS.
my week is a complete and utter shit of a week as it is, I don't need this bullshit on top of it too.
#Microsoft, fix your fucking shit already!4 -
The division between chilling and working is absolutely gone when both happen in the same exact space.12
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Customer call.
Customer: what's the status of the software?
Me: it's a bit of wood work.
Customer: wood work?!
Me: yes, I think it would work.
Customer: ...
Me: ...6 -
Le me: Doing research
Le me: Touches hair out of habit
Le hair: "FREEDOM!!!"
Le hair: falls out
Le me: OH NOOOOO
Le me: gets disturbed and distracted
Le project: "FREEDOM!!!!"25 -
> Take girlfriend to Starbucks
Me: I'll ask for a cold brewed coffee, what would you like?
She: I don't like coffee...
8 -
Recruiter: So you’re in Canada?
Dev: One sec let me check
*Points webcam out window at ongoing blizzard*
Dev: Yup, that looks like Canada to me
Recruiter: Ok I am just confirming
Dev: Me too7 -
This had me laughing out loud this morning, my wife just looked at me funny as I tried to explain it to her.
2 -
I don't know who this "you" guy is on all of these git blames, but he's a real asshole for writing all of these bugs.1
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I'm going to talk to my supervisor about redoing their code base.
It will take time, it will suck a bit but I think the long term investment in doing this right will be worth it.
Wish me luck in convincing him 😂🤞7 -
Half the papers on multimodal learning refer to studies on human children learning. Makes me wonder why we never study animals to know how their multimodal learning works so fucking well that some newborns can function straight out of the womb/egg.10
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(developer thing)
I am trying to build code from the last 4 or 4:30 hours at office and she message me
She : it's urgent.. call me
Me : me();
(THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID 🙄)4 -
Update:
The wasp is still alive.
I walked in today to find the damn buzzy mother-earth-fucker on the window. It doesn't have much energy now, and I didn't let it out because mofo got the chance a million times over to just leave me the fuck alone. So I just let it be. no idea where in the lab it is hidden now, and the robots will watch him all night, every night.
And you know what, I'm not gonna open the damn window for it ever again.
(Sat in my hoodie, wrapped, the whole day and was paranoid about it flying and sitting on me, but the war is on. He won't get out of this lab alive. )16 -
Why do my colleagues insist on HOURLY messages like "any update on X?" or "did you fix Y yet?"
REST ASSURED, WHEN IT IS DONE AND READY TO BE DEMOED, I WILL MESSAGE YOU, AS I HAVE FOR ALL PAST FEATURES AND BUG FIXES.
sheesh talk about too much time on your hands...6 -
Me: *Generates 20 character password with numbers and symbols*
Website: "Please use a stronger password"
Me: "Wot?"11 -
<...in the style of linkin park's in the end...>
I DOCUMENTED SO HARD, AND MADE SO MANY TICKETS!!!
BUT IN THE END, NOBODY REALLY READS THEM!!!
I HAD TO DEV!!! AND BUILD IT ALL!!!
BUT IN THE END, IT FEELS LIKE I'M TALKING TO A BRICK WALL!!!!
rhymes are lazy / nonexistent, I know, but my rage is superseding my ability to rhyme right now.3 -
Incompetence of people around me drives me mad. I see a piece of shit code and I can’t stop myself from improving it.
Also better developers around me. I need to find out how they’re better and beat them7 -
BI dev: Hey, can you help me with my SQL query?
Me: Sure, let me see it.
BI dev: sends screenshot - not even the whole query, literally a screenshot with a segment of text in it. No errors showing either.
Me: ...7 -
Hi, here's how things are working now:
– Me and MerryBandOfDumbasses1 are doing project 1.
– Me and MerryBandOfDumbasses2 are doing project 2.
– Me has project 3 for work with this adorable boss I'd hate to disappoint. (Anyone watching Brooklyn99? He's my Captain Holt)
– Me has to deal with thesis.
– Me is having trouble keeping her head above the water. (emotionally speaking)
Conclusion: Me is fucked.
The end.
*grins for the camera* 😀6 -
"So Alecx, how did you solve the issues with the data provided to you by hr for <X> application?"
Said the VP of my institution in charge of my department.
"It was complex sir, I could not figure out much of the general ideas of the data schema since it came from a bunch of people not trained in I.T (HR) and as such I had to do some experiments in the data to find the relationships with the data, this brought about 4 different relations in the data, the program determined them for me based on the most common type of data, the model deemed it a "user", from that I just extracted the information that I needed, and generated the tables through Golang's gorm"
VP nodding and listening intently...."how did you make those relationships?" me "I started a simple pattern recognition module through supervised mach..." VP: Machine learning, that sounds like A.I
Me: "Yes sir, it was, but the problem was fairly easy for the schema to determ.." VP: A.I, at our institution, back in my day it was a dream to have such technology, you are the director of web tech, what is it to you to know of this?"
Me: "I just like to experiment with new stuff, it was the easiest rout to determine these things, I just felt that i should use it if I can"
VP: "This is amazing, I'll go by your office later"
Dude speaks wonders of me. The idea was simple, read through the CSV that was provided to me, have the parsing done in a notebook, make it determine the relationships in the data and spout out a bunch of JSON that I could use. Hook it up to a simple gorm golang script and generate the tables for that. Much simpler than the bullshit that we have in php. I used this to create a new database since the previous application had issues. The app will still have a php frontend and backend, but now I don't leave the parsing of the data to php, which quite frankly, php sucks for imho. The Python codebase will then create the json files through the predictive modeling (98% accuaracy) and then the go program will populate the db for me.
There are also some node scripts that help test the data since the data is json.
All in all a good day of work. The VP seems scared since he knows no one on this side of town knows about this kind of tech. Me? I am just happy I get to experiment. Y'all should have seen his face when I showed him a rather large app written in Clojure, the man just went 0.0 when he saw Lisp code.
I think I scare him.12 -
I think I used to rage more at complete idiots when I was younger because I had the time and energy to do so
Now I've seen it at least a million times and just don't give a shit anymore -
Filled a form where I had to put my name down as "Executive researcher" (just means that I'll be carrying the study) and now me feels disoriented and very confused. 😕
Heh.
But me is important. Me is executive something! Pehehehe.16 -
FINALLY fixed a stupid website issue. Absolutely nothing to do with my job, but it's also no-one else's job - the website was apparently contracted out years ago and everyone just let it go when they saw this thing.
...also 'finally' refers to the fact that it's been bugging me since I interviewed several months ago. I spent longer finding the thing I was looking for than I did fixing it2 -
me: *has insomnia*
me: ok I'll check ways to improve my sleep
me: *keeps drinking coffee after 6 pm and using my phone in bed* i wonder why I can't sleep8 -
Me: * About to send e-mail *
Me: Does this look good? Shall I send it?
Colleagues: Yup, looks good
Me: * Sends e-mail *
Colleagues: Perhaps say something about X and mention Y at the end
-.-3 -
Client says the styling of a particular component on their website is wrong. It looks fine to me. They can't give me an example of how it should look, or tell me what's wrong with the way it looks currently, but they want me to fix it.3
-
Interviewer Mail: Build this complex project in 2 days
Me: Ok working GOD Mode Submitting.
Ghosted!!!!!3 -
someone: so what do you do?
me: I'm a software developer
someone: oh, can you design me a logo?
me: no
someone: something simple, I'm sure...
me: NO, IT'S NOT MY F***ING JOB6 -
Simulation doesn't provide enough framerate?
Easy. Change gravity, weights, and steps in the simulation.
Welcome to your real world.
... I wonder if that's what God did. 🤔36 -
So I need to ask this because I've never experienced it.
Recently many of my colleagues left for greener pastures and now they're posting on linkedin once a week with some bullshit about how awesome it is to work wherever they went.
If this was one or two I wouldn't care, but it's like 90% of them vomiting this blatant brain-swill for almost 3 months now.
My suspicion is that these people are being coerced into posting this garbage. Am I correct that many companies these days are doing this now?9 -
'ate Mondays
'ate standups
'ate node (not racist just don't like et)
luv me caffeine
luv me music
luv devrant
simple as6 -
NEW TALES FROM THE FUCKING CRYPT. It's disgusting...
... how managers keep to invest money into totally useless gadgets at the company to keep themselves motivated with stupid toys, tech and gear. WHY in fucks name would you not spend the money on hiring more devs and a dev consultant?
It's funny how they presented the stats first: "yea well we have ten big projects in dev right now" (we are FIVE FUCKING PEOPLE, tells you everything, right) "... BUT WE HAVE BOUGHT NEW SCOOTERS FOR THE COMPANY!".
Ok... why though? Who would actually use those things except the ones that bought them. Just another way of spending more money to reduce the promised employee return on the company's profit...2 -
I created some test entities specifically for our staging site. Written in all capitalized letters in the BIG TITLE of the entity I included DO NOT DELETE. This is very clearly visible in the CMS. What's the first thing the content managers do?
You guessed it.
I guess if plain English doesn't work, I'll have to use Kindergarten rules and put a custom lock on them so they can never be deleted.
Muad'Dib fullstackchris can already predict the future, in a few weeks: "hey!!!! fullstackchris, I can't delete these test entities!!!!! whats wrong with the system?!?!"
sigh...4 -
I can't motivate myself to read or understand all these papers and tutorials... I wish I had a backup brain somewhere. 🙄4
-
Rewrote half of a fucking paper. Also, some moron has been mis-editing my last work on this. They managed to write barely-english sentences in the middle of a well-thought-out section and break it completely. I'm glad last time I wrote these stuff I winged it, but if anyone gives me shit about stuff I carefully wrote right now, or edit it into rubbish, I will literally burn this paper to ashes.5
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Manager: Speak with PersonA about ProjectX. Get back to me with feasibility and timescales.
Me: *speaks with PersonA about ProjectX*
Me: *does a few trials for more info*
Manager: Why did you not tell me you were looking into ProjectX with PersonA?
This is 2 days apart ...5 -
A few days ago, a guy sent me a message on Fiverr asking me to create a website.
The good joke is that they are two engineering students who want me to do their programming exercise.
The nerve.2 -
“You know what is not fungible, scarce and valuable to me? My time! So if you wish to persuade me NFT are a good thing, you should pay me a fair amount of real money to make me listen your bullshit”
From now on this will be my standard reply to NFT harassment.
Feel free to use, edit and share with others.5 -
Fucking give me an error message instead of telling me {error: "You can find more details on developer.incompetent-shits.com", success: false}2
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make code change
stop server
try to re run server
dependency problems
java, tomcat, gradle , eclipse, just kill me, dont torture me like this1 -
I seriously cannot stress how important it is to build good reliable tests. Especially regression testing.
I am crying inside over the amount of time I've lost in my integration hell.
Seriously stupid shit that should have been tested but never did because I was too fucking lazy. Don't be me. Don't put yourself in the hell I'm in. Be better.1 -
My mans literally just wrote "Our company was under a hack attack" in an email.
What a time to be alive.10 -
Me: figuring out APT-69420 (hacker group) representative is a girl.
Also me: Woohoo! You go girl!
Also me: ... Wait, am I being sexist?
😐 idek anymore...
Anyways, them camera footages they released tho...18 -
There are devs who are chill. Then there's me. Deadlines give me anxiety. Being responsible for the code I didn't write and being blamed for the bugs I inherited stress me out.3
-
what a garbage day. i've spent almost the whole day merging shit and the rest was meetings (also talking about how i merge shit).
dear fucked up branching strategy, when I look at the torn beauty of your mutated stream graph that carries the taint of corruption, depictions of feculent gnarlmaws come to my mind:
"These disgusting trees ring with the sorrowful tolling of entropic chimes, belch clouds of daemonic spores, and shed rot-wet blossom to carpet the maggot-churned earth beneath their boughs. The few stunted branches that grow from it feature dismal bells, tentacles and more pustulent boils."6 -
I get depressed when I hear a notification or someone tries to speak to me, like god dammit, leave me tf alone.5
-
Don't you just love it, when Windows lovers community just throws user's concerns and issues right back into their faces? "it works for me!" they say.
On the other hand, Linux sucks. (because it still got a lot of room for improvements!)
Seriously, we need better OSs.11 -
So we've got a gif that doesn't show up in our React Native application. Of course, the designers assume it's me: "are you sure the gif is in the codebase? how are you using it in your component"? yeah ok boomer. I'm like, look at this other gif, works fine. "oh" So I tell them, double check the export options on how you are building the gif, maybe there is something there. so now they are asking ME for those export options. I'M A DEV, NOT A DESIGNER, DO YOUR JOB AND FIGURE IT OUT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT PROGRAM YOU ARE USING
oh as an aside, I was putting up a website for a client and they are like "my logo is quite similar to many others, is this something to worry about legally?" OH, SO NOW I'M A LAWYER TOO??!!?!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE GOOGLE IS LITERALLY IN FRONT OF YOU
why do people continually think just because we can code we are fucking designers / lawyers / astronauts
/ god?
man this pisses me off - i think of that draw red lines with blue ink expert video, in the end, just smile and nod: "i can do... absolutely anything... trust me, I'm an expert"4 -
Me: Writes down 'npm install '
Me: Copies the install command and pastes it
Me: Run 'npm install npm install package'
Every fucking time2 -
hey... can I build a FUCKING android image that uses a camera library?
react-native-camera: deprecated, no longer maintained
react-native-vision-camera: it's like globalthermonuclear war with versioning and patches and support and splat splat bullshit in that repo, don't even dare look at the issues there, trust me, please
react-native-camera-kit: doesn't compile for targetSdk 33, no matter what the FUCK you do
jesus christ i want to scan a fucking QR code with my app and my gradle configs have turned into world war III where the fuck did we go wrong folks8 -
Another log in issue because of moving from country to country...
If only I had a dollar for everytime a system didn't let me in after I moved... I'd be financially comfortable.14 -
Helped dad around the house yesterday. It made me feel a tad less depressed, until this morning when I looked at job ads again. 😒12
-
I think I finally found my level of lazyness:
I rather go 2 minutes by feet and take a 15 minute bus ride instead of going 5 minutes by feet to take a 3-4 minute metro ride.2 -
X : What do you do?
Me : I am an embedded software developer
X: So you develop software?
Me: Yes, but my software works on BareMetal.
X: So you work in a metal workshop.
Me: -_-3 -
"Here's the sprint, it's well defined. fullstackchris, can you do this in two weeks?"
"Hmmm... nice work, looks well defined. It'll be tough, but sure, I can do it two weeks!"
Two days before sprint ends:
"Can we quickly duplicate n number of features from apps with literal armies of devs like whatsapp, airbnb, and Instagram?!?!?! We NEED these features to be polished and work perfectly!"
Scope creep will be my ONLY feedback in this retro.2 -
Teammate turned my neat minimal service architecture into dog's breakfast.
Now I don't know which one I hate more. Him or ROS.5 -
Product manager: When building new features, we find we have bugs that reappear in other parts of the app where the bug was solved before. We have to find a solution to this issue.
Dev: These are called regressions, they happen all the time in software development.
Product manager: ...
Dev: Fuck outta here! Its friday!3 -
"Please move the logo left. The text goes a bit under."
Do you guys think people realize how unclear they are, and are just too fucking lazy to write the full spec? Or are they just so fucking stupid they don't realize I literally have no fucking clue what to do exactly with comments like these?
I guess Hanlon's razor applies here, but some days I just don't know...
Happy Friday! ☠️3 -
Head of IT: kindly check what the issue with the following transaction
Me: Is this on production or on staging?
Head of IT: YES
Me: 🖕🏾 🖕🏾1 -
!dev
There are two weeks left until the PhD application results are published. But I'm having such awful nervous breakdowns. I don't even know, if it's anxiety or if I'm literally dying inside from something else. From an almost-heart-attack today when I got a trivial and unrelated bad-news email, to keep having weird dreams about things like end of the world and post-apocalyptic life, or being jumpy all the time.
... And it's not like it's life or death, I know that. I know that I can do other things if this doesn't stick. I know things will workout the way they should; I know all of those. But there's just something destroying my physical and mental health right now, and I don't even know if it's just the anxiety for the next big step in my career, or something else, or how I should deal with it.
... Anyways, amannoyed.7 -
Hail Adventurer,
By Linus, do not fear what you see
and curse not I, but those before me
hold steady in the storms to come
brace for bugs, wherever from
I pass on to you, the light of PHP
Use it well, to fight against scrutiny
if it works, keep it so, ask not why
my time is over, while yours is nigh1 -
In the next three months, if I said jackshit about data science personal projects, you have my permission to backhand me into oblivion.
Need to stay on my current track...7 -
still can't believe someone actually hired me as dev and then multiple companies tried poaching me (one tried twice, another tried four times)
what are they all on3 -
Me: aah finally the best in the morning MY COFFEE
Also me a half hour later: Uhm fuck my coffee is cold.1 -
(TL;DR FOR THE TL;DR: **THIS IS NOT AN AD, ITS A SHITPOST**)
(TL;DR: this is a shitpost about an Intuit ad campaign Israelis get a lot on YouTube, those ads are starting to drive me nuts lmao.)
WE'RE INTUIT
WE'RE INTO MACHINE LEARNING
OPEN SOURCE
WE'RE ADVANCING THE FIELD OF TECHNOLOGY TO OPEN FINANCIAL OPPORTUNITIES FOR MILLIONS OF PEOPLE AROUND THE GLOBE5 -
I went down a rabbit hole of code changes to try and delete a stupid for loop with a break in it.
It was super stupid and I gave up and submitted to the fact that some battles are not worth the time and stress.
OK... But seriously, It was returning multiple entities from the database, but we only always want the first one. My logic is that we should just go in there and fix the LINQ so we are explicitly getting one entity out.
But fuck that logic. No I'll have to change fucking everything that's tied to that method and expects a list from it. Every fucking thing. That includes error handling, parsing, for loops..... Nevermind...
You can have your foreach and your break. I'm taking mine, now.1 -
Budgie up and running. Tho, I had an issue overload cpu, and stopped previews-creator. Is that even safe?
Anyways, half of my customized deepin shit doesn't work properly anymore. It's a piss off. Wondering if a downgrade would help.
If shit stops breaking for six more months, I might be able to finish uni and go back to workforce properly, where cash-cash-dollar can buy me a new laptop, or a workstation that allows me to duck around with current laptop.
Like, being a student again has been so unnerving. Won't do it ever again. (a PhD doesn't count as study 😜)2 -
Hello guys, I need your help.
Recently we purchased new property for our company. And we are about to start working there in few days.
And now we are searching quotes to stick on wall there.
Can you guys help me with this?
Please suggest me some quotes.16 -
YOU DONT WANT TO BE ME FUCKING ME RYT NOW
..... I DONT MEAN LIKE FUCKING BUT
WAT THA FUCK AM I EVEN SAYING !!!!!!5 -
The Berlin rental market is so bad that I have to spend my long weekend figuring out how to write a bot to send applications for me.. (or keep hitting F5 all day and still be too late)5
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Me: *newly learning MySQL*
Also me: time to buy wedding rings for my pinky finger and the caps lock key16 -
"We use top of the art, endgame, final boss, super technology"
What they actually use: Java 1.8, jQuery, JSP and an old version of bootstrap
Why is this still a thing?2 -
I've read the docs but my tired brain overrided an important detail.
https://haproxy.com/documentation/...
"By default, HAProxy Enterprise will serve these pages only if it initiated the error itself. For example, it will return the page for a 503 Service Unavailable error if it can't reach any backend servers."
I had _the_ return part for interception of the error page from the backend added, not the default override for the error page of HAPRoxy itself.
Took me 4 hours, crying, madness and screaming to realize it.
This week is really wringing the last bits of the gooey slime what should be my brain out...
-.-
Another fun part is that I mistakenly thought the delimiter for multiple strings to an ACL comparison is a comma... It's a whitespace.
acl is_evil hdr(host) -i one,two is wrong.
acl is_evil hdr(host) -i one two is right.
I used to write HAPRoxy configurations blindly, today it was more like writing two lines of codes 100000000 times and still doing it wrong TM.
I need new brain.
Anyone got an offer?3 -
I have a few side project ideas. I started one of them a few months ago (project setup, dependencies, git repo, index page, very basic API and client functionality). But I cannot get myself to work on it or even think about it (for months now). The reason? I do not want to work on the client/frontend! I do not want to deal with React or Vue or Svelte or fuckjs or even jquery. It's a fucking mess.
For the backend, the requests are stateless: you get a request, handle it, and respond back. Need to update state? Database. That's it!
For the frontend, there's just tooo many states I can't keep up with! When the user checks or unchecks this checkbox, I need to maintain the state of the checkbox and maintain the all effects of changing the checkbox while syncing with the backend and making sure the elements are still styled correctly with the applied effects. Multiply that with all the expected interactive elements on the page. It's exhausting!4 -
Was recruited to build a text-based course where I get a nice bonus if I finish the course early. Now I know how they are always able to save themselves from giving that out. There's so much fucking red tape for each literal sentence I write! I have MULTIPLE reviewers, commenting, editing, and "suggesting" EVERYTHING I write.
News flash: this course is derived from a different video-based course that has sold hundreds of copies on other platforms, so I must be doing something right.
Just let me write the whole course and we edit it in the end!!! This treadmill is going to triple or quadruple the time until publishing...
I feel like I'm trapped in the movie office space: "every day I have 5 different bosses come and tell me the same thing"
Won't be working with this platform again. -
Lead dev runs the program I gave him to set up a bunch of processes that run for one database.
It has a GUI that seems native to his windows environment......but it sort of is not.
The program runs, asks for the .csv file that is to be parsed into the database.
Lead dev: Ok, what is this though?
Me (his boss) "Don't worry about it"
Him: "Holy shit what the fuck is this??? TELL ME!!!"
Me: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT
Him: "WTF DID YOU MAKE THIS IN???!
ME: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT
CMS Admin (another one of my employees) "Would you TWO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!?"
New Guy (mainly a frontend dev): ........
Meanwhile, in production, no one knows if your gui app is built in Lazarus and Free Pascal, as long as it works.
I really need to stop doing this to the lead dev, dude already keeps trying to choke me for writing things in perl.
On another note, Object Pascal is pretty cool. Might write a book on it for those that want to do CLI based applications on it, I have no clue why every book on the subject costs in euros, but there should be more shit written for beginners, language is awesome and one can get lots of mileage from Lazarus and FPC11 -
Brain : Hey, there's this task that needs to be done
Me : oh sure, let me do it
* tries to do it unsuccessfully a few times *
Brain : ...
Me : ...
Brain : DON'T YOU --
Me : * Opens devrant and starts scrolling *
Seriously though, if you guys could suggest some good cmake tutorials ( I'm using VSCode and GCC 8.1.0 for compilation ) - that'd be swell :)
Keep rocking!2 -
Please, can you give me tips on what to talk about when asked “tell me about yourself” during job interviews?14
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!dev (feel free ignore my rambling)
Fuck my piece of shit landlord that doesn't want me to provide a next tenant because they already have someone (without visiting, I believe they have some shady dealing since I noticed a pattern in regards to the last two flats that changed tenants) and doesn't give a shit about the kitchen I had built in / says "maybe you can leave it [for free] or maybeee the owner will take it but don't expect as much as 500 or 600€ and whatever the owner proposes is non negotiable [...] if you wanna take it out we'll buy a new one" (i.e. fuck you we rather pay 4k for a new one than give you the 2k it's worth)
(╯° □°） ╯︵ ┻━┻
aaaaargh this certainly doesn't help my stress levels which are already 11/10 with the flat search1 -
My manager sent me a Desktop screen without informing me and I also didn't ask for the same. Now, he wants me to use it. And i am like, WTF 😡😡. Who the fuck told you in ur dreams to send me this shit.8
-
Someone, a few years ago, tried to tell me computers don't have apps, only phones have apps. It still makes me wonder wtf from time to time.5
-
What's SAP?
Piece of shit if you ask me.
Their Crystal Reports is so user-hostile it makes me want to throw up all over the keyboard.8 -
I am learning NestJS + MongoDB stack after spending 5+ years as a Laravel + MySQL dev.
Wish me luck or give me advice. Thanks in advance!9 -
My daughter hissed at me.
I then turned to my wife and said:
"I just had a hiss directed at me."
She refused to talk to me for about 5 minutes.16 -
Since the 3rd day, I have been telling y'all but none of you listened to me.
I kept repeating that I am the dumbest person I know. Why didn't you believe me when I said it?
Remember, Booking feedback? They sent me another official rejection with additional feedback. Mind blown.
That feedback really helped me understand what was going wrong. And now today in an interview, I was asked a question and the interviewer said, "I am looking for a specific details like xyz for why you should be a Sr PM".
That's when it clicked me, that I have done stuff and I know things. It's just that I didn't understand the question and wasn't able to articulate and communicate well.
My dumbass just needs constant feedback to learn. How much I love feedback more than ever.
The feedback cycle is interesting too. When I was new, I hated it. Then started to realise the value of it.
Then it did felt bad in the very instance whenever I got one, but quickly I used to incorporate the changes.
And now, I am crave and desperately seek feedback. It only helps me improve.
Funnily, everyone gave inputs when I didn't want it. And now when I am hunting for it, no one is giving inputs. This is how life is.
Nonetheless, I am pretty impressed with Booking. Good people, nice vibes, and kickass culture for sure.5 -
I am implementing an API. How do I know what to do? Read the docs! Unless... there's none on the website. Asked by email and they could provide a PDF, which contains some graphics which you're free to interpret ...
Machine readable description? Nope.
How do I get to know about updates to the API? *blank stare*4 -
These fucking deepshet, spoiled retards
they expert me to build software not from the ground but from the fucking foundation up to release date all by myself
they also expert me to do all required research
also expert me to do the fucking marketing
they expert me to bring new fucking business
They expert me to work at High performance
They expert me to do stock inventory as well
They fucking sit me in shity meetings
WHAT THA FUCK IS THIS SHIT1 -
I'm very new to the business world, this is my first freelance project, a website with articles, editable profile pages and a calendar. I can't say no to the customer so the scope grew a bit too fat. I'm moving to England and starting university next week, and the project is going to be transferred to some guy, supposedly for maintenance, but it's not even close to complete. I feel like shit for failing them and especially I feel bad for the poor guy after me.3
-
I am not tired enough to sleep but I am not awake enough to fully concentrate.
It has been going on for 3-4 days. Am I burn out?2 -
Me: What algorithm prioritizes food no matter how you use it?
Coworker: Idk, never heard of that one.
Me: Bread-First-Search1 -
Oi mates, TY for telling me how to get LinkedIn recruiters to annoy me - y’all are real for that one !1
-
I have a task:
Make a feature to gather donates at web site through debit cards and e.t.c.
Additional conditions:
There is no company to register the payment gateway.
U need to find the one that would agree to work with physical person in Russia.
It needs to accept payments in USD and EURO worldwide.1 -
So, like, why doesn't Java let me do manual memory management? In C# if I want to screw up the code-base and everyone that comes after me with my half-informed experiments it totally lets me.21
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Is it really good OpSec to log me out of outlook every hour when the password manager lets me automatically log back in?2
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Me: *applying for software dev roles or product roles*
Also me: *applying for masters in swe or mba*
Also also me: *gets hired as a multimedia dev intern for pissmoney*1 -
"SEP" is something I hear a lot from people that work under me. Sadly, for me it's never someone else's problem. It's always mine.
-
Watching Invincible with my son:
Me: Son, I can't fly.
Son: Okay.
Me: Son, I can't run faster than a cheetah.
Son: Okay.
Seemed relevant at the time. -
me: <checking diff of code, types "diff">
comp: error in command provide filenames
me: wtf...
me: oh, "git diff"
me: What's the diff?
Could a diff diff if a diff did not diff code? What?1 -
I have to give my dev team a name,
I thought of funny stuff like nullexception, //to do, etc but im really looking for an epic name help out fellow devs something epic and subtly funny27 -
I've literally been talking to OpenAI's new chatGPT for over an hour, this is giving me some awesome business advice, and it's helping me plan my new app.2
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Soon some of the people who fucked me around will die of old age, what then ? replacements that look younger than me or will they do the hunger games scrub down on me ?1
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Pls can anyone help me with this i need the image away from the menu label and i need the image small too pls help me
16
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