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Search - "gag"
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At the airport.
Security: Please put all your electronics in the bin, including your watch.
Me: No problem
<goes through scanner>
Me: there was an Apple Watch in here and now it is gone.
Security: Oh, you lost your Apple Watch?
Me: No! I put my Apple Watch in the bin like you instructed and YOU lost my Apple Watch.
Security: It must be in the spinners.
Me: So my $500 Watch is in the spinners being run over by bins?
Security: you have to put the small things on the bottom.
Me: It was on the bottom and I did as you asked, this is entirely on you. Do not try to shift the blame to me again please.
Security: As I said...
Me: As I said, Do not try to shift the blame to me again. This is entirely your responsibility once you separate me from my electronics so you can perform security theatre. Have a nice day.
—————
Fuck this god damn security theatre. Fuck the dumbasses they hire. Fuck your country. Fuck your god damn feeling of insecurity. Fuck Your ineffective security theatre.
Sick my fucking dick until you choke and gag you worthless pieces of shit. Homeless people the street provide more security than you incompetent, under-educated assholes. Fuck you
And yes, I have 2 fucking laptops. I have a real fucking job where I provide actual value and for that I need a work laptop. I don’t come to work in a stupid looking outfit with a chip on my shoulder looking to inconvenience people. I come to work to provide real value to someone.
Fuck you and your worthless bullshit39 -
Facebook publicly announced that it won't build a backdoor into its services for the intelligence agencies as for the latest requests to weaken/remove the encryption.
I can only imagine the intelligence agencies going like this now:
NSA director: Alright, as expected they said no so they won't have more damage to their public image, lets go for plan A 2.0!
NSA employee: Aaaand that is?
NSA director: Serve them a FISA court order requiring them to do this shit anyways but also serve a gag order so they can't tell legally.
NSA employee: Ahh, fair enough, I'll get that rolling. By the way, how did we do this with WhatsApp's encryption again?
NSA director: Oh that one was simple. There's a backup function which nearly everyone uses on either Android/iOS which does plaintext backups to Google Drive/iCloud.
NSA employee: Oh, okay. How do we access that data again?
NSA director: PRISM/XKeyScore!
NSA employee: Right, but then still the issue of how we even collect the encrypted messages from Facebo...
NSA director: PRISM/XKeyScore as well, don't worry about that.
NSA employee: But, how'd we justify this....?
NSA director: We probably never have to as these programs operate outside of the public view but otherwise just call terrorism/pedophelia... BAM, done.
NSA employee: Gotya, let's put this into motion!24 -
In 2008 I took my first web development job for an agency that's no longer around. There was a Vice President there by appointment from our coke headed owner who really liked to micromanage and invade privacy with key loggers and screencap spyware to "manage" us. I found out because my machine would snag when moving the mouse cursor and sometimes I'd accidentally paste the screenshot into photoshop just before the software cleared the clipboard. Anyway, I wasn't supposed to know I was being monitored so I just unplugged my network cable and killed the service running the jank ass spyware. I'd delete it when no one was looking and wipe out the cache of screencaps it would compile every day. It was basically a troll vs troll stalemate for weeks. Finally they gave in and told everyone what was going on so we collectively decided to seek revenge. We bought a piezo buzzer about the size of a quarter that chirped like crickets at random intervals. We stuck it on the underside of his desk inside of the middle drawer area and let it go. They spent so much time and money trying to get rid of the cricket infestation. We let it go on for weeks. I ended up quitting before the gag was up, but damn was it funny to see him squirm in that office because of those crickets!6
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What I'm posting here is my 'manifesto'/the things I stand for. You may like it, you may hate it, you may comment but this is what I stand for.
What are the basic principles of life? one of them is sharing, so why stop at software/computers?
I think we should share our software, make it better together and don't put restrictions onto it. Everyone should be able to contribute their part and we should make it better together. Of course, we have to make money but I think that there is a very good way in making money through OSS.
Next to that, since the Snowden releases from 2013, it has come clear that the NSA (and other intelligence agencies) will try everything to get into anyone's messages, devices, systems and so on. That's simply NOT okay.
Our devices should be OUR devices. No agency should be allowed to warrantless bypass our systems/messages security/encryptions for the sake of whatever 'national security' bullshit. Even a former NSA semi-director traveled to the UK to oppose mass surveillance/mass govt. hacking because he, himself, said that it doesn't work.
We should be able to communicate freely without spying. Without the feeling that we are being watched. Too badly, the intelligence agencies of today do not want us to do this and this is why mass surveillance/gag orders (companies having to reveal their users' information without being allowed to alert their users about this) are in place but I think that this is absolutely wrong. When we use end to end encrypted communications, we simply defend ourselves against this non-ethical form of spying.
I'm a heavy Signal (and since a few days also Riot.IM (matrix protocol) (Riot.IM with end to end crypto enabled)), Tutanota (encrypted email) and Linux user because I believe that only those measures (open source, reliable crypto) will protect against all the mass spying we face today.
The applications/services I strongly oppose are stuff like WhatsApp (yes, encryted messages but the metadata is readily available and it's closed source), skype, gmail, outlook and so on and on and on.
I think that we should OWN our OWN data, communications, browsing stuffs, operating systems, softwares and so on.
This was my rant.17 -
Years ago I used to work a guvmant site. They had really strict security rules for internet and how you spent your time. Makes sense considering what that site did. I was a support engineer for some of their process control equipment.
I was approached by an operator supervisor to install dvd player software on a business machine (non process related). Basically just a general purpose PC with no function other than time cards and general office use. I was fine with the request, but the reason was for watching movies during a holiday period by the operators. Not for anything official. So I made some noise about my dislike of this request feigning moral superiority. But the supervisor swore up and down it was for "training" dvds.
So I wrote a simple windows script. The script basically popped up a window that said:
"Security has detected unauthorized media inserted into this machine. Please state the reason for this infraction." It provided a dialog to enter a justification. After you entered the justification it said: "Security has been contacted and your user logged. You will be contacted shortly."
This script was then attached to the supervisors Start folder so it ran when he, and only he logged in. We made sure the "training" video (some movie) was already inserted at this point.
He logged in. He just about shit his pants when reading this. He promptly logged and left the building to walk somewhere else in the site. We called him and let him know it was a gag. His response: That son of a bitch Demolishun!2 -
Not a rant, just a gag I do from time to time. Today a new colleague arrived. He presents himself and after sometime he asks me:
- so how long are you working here?
I look at my watch and say
- oh just about six years now.
They always look so confused 😂1 -
Since memes have become an integral part of our community, I propose a way to handle them without affecting the actual Ranters.
Everyone adding a meme or a gag picture can do so under a particular tag, and the Algo can handle your meme needs by exposing you to that particular tag based on your activity with such posts.
Or you could just make the users search for memes if they wanted to see them.
This could also be done vice versa by ranters using a RANT tag, I would keep my RANT filter on so anything without that tag won't show up
To make it better you can provide a sort of suggested tags option :
|gag|¦¦¦|meme|¦¦¦Ranf|¦¦ scroll to the right for more... Kinda thing
@dfox @trogus please tell us what you think about this8 -
Stop whining for fucks sake.
I'd rather listen to high pitched coil whine than enduring this frigging shit.
If it doesn't work - fix it.
If you're to dumb - fix yourself.
I've told you motherfucking gazillion times that your bitching is absolute waste of time you inbred relict of an homo erectus.
I wanna gag a certain someone with duct tape who's annoying since weeks... And send him in a package to a nice russian Gulag some where in sibiria
:@18 -
Gag SO, tie em up & suspend them in the air in the basement or attic..
Helps if SO is into BDSM..if not it's a bit awkward.. // joke, I don't even have an attic or basement.. :(
In all seriousnes, if anyone knows how to prevent people from knocking on the office door to ask if I want coffe or sth to eat, that'd be great..asking them to not disturb unless the house is on fire or they cut off their fingers clearly doesn't help.. :(8 -
Finally found a community/platform to open up and get out all pent-up thoughts or should I say deeds done in the tech field. LOL
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Stories from a Startup #1.1
Picture of the swan in question. 😉 We were going to give it to him as a gag gift on our last day, but opted-out. -
TL;DR: Read it.
Tag: oswars
Please don't redistribute without permission. *PUT OPEN SOURCE LICENSE HERE*
devRant presents:
OS
WARS
Story:
Many users in devRant use Windows but then the "Arch Linux Alliance" short ALA came together to invade devRant. After some weeks, the small group FedB ("Fedora Bureau") also joined the OS Wars. When the release of Ubuntu 16.10 was near the UBO ("UbuntuBestOS Alliance") joined and was near to victory, because dpkg was faster than ever before. But then the macOS Defenders woke up. They finally finished the upgrade to Sierra and tried to fight the other OSes. They wanted to attack with their package manager, but that attack failed. After days of war Windows crashed while updating, which made it unoperational. They called it Blue Screen. After windows gave up, the other groups realized, that they are all built with the same base. They called it Unix. They grouped up (except macOS, because they just want to make money) and discovered the remains of Windows. They found a software named "Ubuntu bash for Windows". Everyone in the group was angry, because UBO teamed up with Windows. They destroyed UBO and continued.
To be continued.
Should it continue? Comments...4 -
Wrote this on another thread but wanted to do a full post on it.
What is a game?
I like to distinguish between 1. entertainment, 2. games, 3. fun.
both ideally are 'fun' (conveying a sense of immersion, flow, or pleasure).
a game is distinct (usually) from entertainment by the presence of interaction, but certain minimalists games have so little decision making, practice, or interaction-learning that in practice they're closer to entertainment.
theres also the issue of "interesting" interaction vs uninteresting ones. While in broad terms, it really comes down to the individual, in aggregate we can (usefully) say some things, by the utility, are either games or not. For example if having interaction were sufficient to make something a game, then light switches could become a game.
now supposed you added multiple switches and you had to hit a sequence to open a door. Now thats a sort of "game". So we see games are toys with goals.
Now what is a toy?
There are two varieties of toy: impromptu toys and intentional toys.
An impromptu toy is anything NOT intended primarily, by design, to induce pleasure or entertainment when interacted with. We'll call these "devices" or "toys" with a lowercase t.
"Toys", made with the intent of entertainment (primarily or secondarily) we'll label with an uppercase T.
Now whether something is used with the intent behind its own design (witness people using dildos, sex toys, as slapstick and gag items lol), or whether the designer achieves their intent with the toy or item is another matter entirely.
But what about more atmospheric games? What about idle games? Or clickers?
Take clickers. In the degenerate case of a single button and a number that increases, whats the difference between a clicker and a calculator? One is a device (calculator) turned into an impromptu toy and then a game by the user's intent and goal (larger number). The second, is a game proper, by the designers intent. In the degenerate case of a badly designed game it devolves into a really shitty calculator.
Likewise in the case of atmospheric games, in the degenerate case, they become mere cinematic entertainment with a glorified pause/play button.
Now while we could get into the definition of *play*, I'll only briefly get into it because there are a number of broad definitions. "Play" is loosely: freely structured (or structured) interaction with some sort of pleasure as either the primary or secondary object, with or without a goal, thats it. And by this definition you can play with a toy, you can play a game, you can play with a lightswitch, hell you can play with yourself.
This of course leaves out goals, the idea of "interesting decisions" or decision making, and a variety of other important elements.
But what makes a good game?
A lot of elements go into making a good game, and it's not a stretch to say that a good game is a totality of factors. At the core of all "good" games is a focus on mechanics, aesthetics, story, and technology. So we can already see that what makes a good game is less of an either-or-categorization and more like a rating or scale across categories of design elements.
Broadly, while aesthetics and atmosphere might be more important in games like Journey (2012) by Thatonegamecompany, for players of games like Rimworld the mechanics and interactions are going to be more important.
In fact going a little deeper, mechanics are usually (but not always) equivalent to interactions. And we see this dichtonomy arise when looking at games like Journey vs say, Dwarf Fortress. But, as an aside, is it possible to have atmospheric games that are also highly interactive or have a strong focus on mechanics? This is often what "realistic" (as opposed to *immersive*) games try to accomplish in design. Done poorly they instead lead to player frusteration, which depending on player type may or may not be pleasureable (witness 'hardcore' games whos difficulty and focus on do-overs is the fun the game is designed for, like roguelikes, and we'll get to that in a moment), but without the proper player base, leads to breaking player flow and immersion. One example of a badly designed game in the roguelike genre would be Early Access Stoneshard, where difficulty was more related to luck and chance than player skill or planning. A large part of this was because of a poorly designed stealth system, where picking off a single enemy alerted *all enemies* nearbye, who would then *stay* alerted until you changed maps, negating tactics that roguelike players enjoy and are used to resorting to. This is an important case worth examining because it shows how minor designer choices in mechanical design can radically alter the final quality of the game. Some games instead chose the cheaper route of managing player *perceptions* with a pregame note: Darkest Dungeons and Amnesia TDD are just two I can think of.11 -
The universe has taken a cactus.
It proceeded to gift the cactus with a toxin that greatly enhances the stimulus of pain.
After the universe watched it's miraculous creation it decided to shove it up so far my arse that my gag reflex turned on and I puked a lot of cactus.
Didn't sleep well, weekend hardware migration finish, today an old server got moved.
Some part, most likely the redundant PSU, had a short circuit - decided to take the switches out... Which are the only non redundant hardware...
There was only one critical system in the whole rack, that was one redundant firewall.
Guess what happened..... Naaaa?
*drum roll*
For whatever reason, the second firewall didn't kick in, so large part of internal network unreachable as VPN was on the firewall.
:thumbsup:
That's not cactus level yet.
Spontaneously a large part of the work at home crew decided to call, cause getting an email wasn't enough.
So while all the phones were ringing and we had the joyful fun to carefully take apart a whole rack to check for possible faulty wiring / electric burns / hardware damage and getting firewall up and running again...
Some dev decided to run a deployment (doable as one of the few working at the company at the moment -.-).
I work from home, but we had a conference phone call running the whole time so I could "deescalate" and keep others up-to-date. So me on headphone with conference call, regular phone for calls, while typing mails / sms for de-escalation.
Now we're reaching cactus level, cause being tortured by being annoyed out of hell by all telephone ringing, the beeping of UPS (uninterruptible power supplies), the screaming of admins from the server room and the roaring of air coolers…
Suddenly said dev must have stood in the midst of the chaos… and asked for help cause "the deployment broke, project XY is offline"...
I think it was the first time since years that I screamed at the top of my lungs.
Bad idea (health issues)… but oh boy was it a pleasure to hear my own voice echo through the conference speaker and creating an echoic sound effect.
It was definitely worth coughing out my loungs for the next hour and I think it was the best emotional outburst ever.
I feel a bit sorry for the dev, but only a tiny bit.
After the whole rack thing, the broken deployment fixing and the "my ears are bleeding and I think I will never be able to talk again" action...
We had to roll out several emergency deployments to fix CVEs (eg libexpat).
This day was a marvelous shit show.
I will now cry myself to sleep with some codein.1 -
Guess I've been pretty lucky, although I can think of one time a client screwed me.
Ran a job with a Cisco tech who forgot to get a sign off. He did have emails from client saying he was happy with job but things turned sour after a few weeks.
Long story short, we ended up settling out of court, I lost £8k on the job and had to sign a gag order.
Fuckers. Even worse I can't name a shame them. Actually, fuck it. Do not ever work with these arseholes: https://www.smartadvisers.com/
They tout their services as impartial, however recommend companies they are personally invested in.Guess I've been pretty lucky, although I can think of one time a client screwed me.
Ran a job with a Cisco tech who forgot to get a sign off. He did have emails from client saying he was happy with job but things turned sour after a few weeks.
Long story short, we ended up settling out of court, I lost £8k on the job and had to sign a gag order.
Fuckers. Even worse I can't name and shame them. Actually, fuck it. Do not ever work with these arseholes: https://www.smartadvisers.com/
They tout their services as impartial, however recommend companies they are personally invested in.1 -
Had virus cause growth thing on my uvula. Dentist saw it got bigger. So we got another doctor to remove it. He suggested we just take the whole uvula out. He said, "You won't miss it." He had it done as well. They want to biopsy to make sure I don't have "the cancer". Not too worried. Been taking things to prevent that. Mostly good general health foods. Good vitamins and anti-oxidants.
So it took like a month to actually line up the time to do it. I was thinking this would take a while. It took somewhere between 5 and 10 minutes to burn it off. They used a cauterizer thing to cut it off. The whole time I couldn't breath out my nose because my mouth was wide open. I was breathing out seared flesh smoke during this time out of my mouth. Burnt me doesn't taste all that good.
I didn't gag nor puke. The doctor said he was good at dodging just in case. I have a feeling he would be fun to have drinks with.
So he said my uvula was large at the base. So it would take more than a week to heal. He gave me script for meds. I appreciate that because it kinda hurts. It feels like there is that large burn at the back of my throat. Because, there is a large burn at the back of my throat. I told them I came to the doctors office and lost weight. Got the nurse to snort.
I hope this turns out like getting my teeth pulled. Needed meds for right after and not again later. We shall see. It feels like a really bad sore throat. It kinda IS a really bad sore throat. Go figure.4 -
WARN: Heavy Sarcasm ahead
I just *LOVE* taking calls non-fucking-stop on my fucking birthday, ALL DAY LONG(!!!!!) because our most *DEAREST* fucking client can't get theirs up unless they escalate shit to the highest levels, namely the fucking CEO who loves to sell the company's self esteem just so that he can gag on the clients penis. Best part? It happened RIGHT.WHEN.MY.VACATION.STARTED.
*I LOVE MY JOB SOOOO MUCH*3 -
"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets". - voted funniest joke at the Edinburgh Fringe this year.
Personally I liked one of the runners up:
"I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts"
BBC News - Vegetable joke is funniest gag at the Edinburgh Fringe
https://bbc.co.uk/news/... -
This indicates what I often ask myself when posting a rant.. but could be used for example for feature requests, too. 😋
The song is quite horribly though.. was kind of a running gag during my studies. A friend reminded me of it a couple of days ago and my mind directly associated it with @dfox 😛3 -
Dunno if I would say I've become a good coder.
I regularly see stuff written by others and think, holy shit I couldn't manage that.
But somehow I've built a career out of people telling me what they need and me producing solutions for them. So they pay me.
I'm fairly personable, ask questions, listen to answers, when I fuck up (which is still just as often as 15 years ago) I take responsibility.
On the tech side, just keep doing it. Tackle one problem after another. Ask others and of course:
https://9gag.com/gag/aj9xAmG -
My older sister is trying to flirt and its honestly going to make me gag. Asking so many questions knowing moms in the car and said dont take long ..acting purposely childish5