Oh my fucking god, we're doing SCRUM, why does every task get stuck in review limbo and take a sprint and a half minimum because of it.

Bad dev practices:

1. Forgetting to version control some fun project i am doing for a long time and then commit everything at once. And forget about it again..

2. I probably have too much love for abstraction. So i abstract stuff just for the fuck of it to the point my friends dont even understand what the program is for.

3. I have no patience and due to that i lose motivation when i think of some idea that is big.

4. I cant keep my ideas small enough, and i dream too big until problem3 kicks in, and then i drop the entire idea.

A while back, I had a lot of telemarketers were calling me daily, and I mean A LOT of them.

I got so frustrated with he calls that I decided I had to figure out a better way to handle those calls.

At the time, I was working with a PBX software called Asterisk, which is used to handle hardware interfaces and network applications for phone calls.

I needed a suitable side project and there was a version of Asterisk designed for Raspberry Pi, so I made a fun little answering service for myself.

Whenever a telemarketer called, I asked them to call back later, but to "my personal number", and gave them the number to my phone robot. (which had a pre-paid SIM card in a GSM dongle mounted)

When it received a call, it would play a pre-recorded phrase, wait for 1000 ms of silence and then play the next phrase.
After all 16 phrases had been played, it would start from phrase 7 again and repeat until the caller gave up.

I had this set up running for a while, and then added another robot for english speaking callers.

The calls stopped after a few months.
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

normal architecture...

really fucking hate those PM types who will hear a smart sounding term or buzzword used by a developer, and then proceed to overuse it (mostly incorrectly) in every fucking conversation as if it's le mot du jour.

or better yet, when the fucking parrot proceeds to drive a meeting with PO's by regurgitating verbatim your explanation you gave to him 2 hours before as if he knows that the fuck he's talking about. oh but when someone asks a question for clarification - "hey dev, you wanna take this one?"

hey PM, you wanna lick my balls?

y=mx+b jokes are great but at some point we'll have to draw the line

I ended becoming a backend engineer because I love designing backend systems. High Level Design is ❤️

Also, I just don't have the patience required to conquer CSS 🤯😤

I miss greeting ppl with a firm handshake or cheek brush & kiss sound. The half-hearted elbow touch just doesn't feel remotely as nice.

After finishing the last presentation for this degree, first thing I'm doing is getting rid of my mustache. 😐 👸

!dev

It’s sooo weird.
I’m generally not feeling happy or good or “okay”, I’m almost always rather shitty but just keep going through my day without complaining too much because that’s what most of us do..

Today, for the first time in at least one (very lonely, cold and boring) year, I went outside for a smoke and felt good. No idea why.
Everything was orangy/yellowish outside because of the clouds after the first sunny day in weeks.
Its raining slightly but not so much that you actually get wet.

I just had this feeling of “yea, that’s good enough” which I haven’t had in probably 4-5 years or so.

Maybe it’s because I got a little bit of sun for once and saw other people walking 2m around me, I don’t know..
But it felt good.

Does that feeling sound familiar to anyone or am I just finally going crazy?

I also apologise for my last 50 rants not being about dev or rant but I’m lucky to not have much to rant about in my current job 😅

So today , a company phoned me for a job I applied in Jobstreet. So the conversation goes like this.

Com " Do you have any experience in Android studio? "

Me : " Yes . I develop android application, it is compulsory to know actually."

Com :" ok... Do you have experience android SDK?"

Me : " I believe you are referring to the Android studio, yes."

Com :" do you have experience in Android programming"?

Me :" Yes. I do android application for both native and hybrid. As for hybrid, I use flutter."

Com :" Ok...but I was asking about android."

Me :*explaining what I just said *

Com: " you no understand! We need android programmer! Not native or flutter programmer!"

Me *explaining what native and hybrid is (in simple terms)

Com : " it is ok then.. our company prefer those who can develop android app , not native programmer or anything flutter programmer.
"

(Btw , I transcript how exactly that person talk to me)

My question to this person is.... WHAT THE F*** IS THIS? WANT AN ANDROID DEVELOPER BUT NOT NATIVE OR "FLUTTER"? WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN ? IF ANDROID IS NOT WRITTEN IN NATIVE OR HYBRID THEN WHAT YOU EXPECT ME TO USE THEN? USING ASSEMBLY X64?

Visual Studio suggested me to install some extension. I accept.

Installed.

Now Visual Studio want to know IF I AM A MICROSOFT EMPLOYEE.

WHAT????
I'm not your fucking employee but you can as well pay me since I'm using your crap.

When I was in seventh grade, I learned to solve quadratic equations and how to convert from standard form to vertex form

Today, when I had to convert a quadratic equation, I completely blanked on how to do it

I can’t remember how to do math seventh graders know

Fml

Which bastard thought that 'Spotifiy remote' is a good idea?

You never know what you control:
- your phone with your phone
- your laptop with your phone
- your laptop with your laptop
- your phone with your laptop
- your heart with your heartbeat

The guy invented that should get hit with a stick recursively until he cries 'Music should be played on the device that you can control'

I just received this.

"I'm just saying that one should be proud to be able to import libraries and call themselves Data Scientist who can apply machine learning."

What the actual fuck.

Would you merge this shit into your project?

Is there a lot of people in the same boat as me?

I'm a self taught guy. Never in my life had I a senior developer i could bug for answers. Every little bug and inconveniece i have ever experienced - left alone to cope and find solutions. I just feel like sooo burned out. I have some large complex system questions building up and googling doesnt give me the answers anymore. This is frustrating. I'm supposed to be a mid level developer, but I'm acting as a senior to one of my colleagues even though I have so many questions and doubts in my mind. I think I developed a lot of plot holes in my knowledge and I have no real way to know which are which. I feel I dont know so much. Fuck. Where do I go from here?

My manager said I am a slow learner...idk how to feel about that.... :/

I hate when a retard fuckstick user on FuckOverflow gives answer like this:
"I suggest a read of the documentation instead of only hacking around"

IF I'M ASKING A QUESTION IT'S BECAUSE THE fucking doc wasn't clear to me, it was longer than the dick of the horse that fucked your mother, or simply I didn't have the fucking time and I hoped somebody would help me out, you dumb fatherfucker

Today I learned that there are 26.9 million software developers in the world as of 2020.

That's only 0.35% of the World Population. We're special guys!

If I ever decided to open source my work in the future, I'm sorry in advance to those that read my commit messages...

How’s your life going?

Mine as good as the cellular signal at my location right now.

Hope everyone is ok.

You know your search queries use too specific search syntax when you get this message

Left dev tools open while working then opened a new tab and went to Amazon. Noticed this in the HTML source.

Say hello to the Amazon Catduck.

Me after everything changes and I have to rework the back end for a week ... and I finally get back to the front end:

this is motherfucking insane, that's why I hate microsoft and always will, fucking daddy will tell me what I can or can't (they do same shit to github and nuget) but look at this.

I don't give a fuck about unknown publisher, this is my PC, if I want to install a virus I want to install a virus! for fuck sake

Hookers and Cocaine

My toddler is still learning to speak. We know some numbers now. Today he was counting items on the table, and I quote [with LT->EN translation]:

ZERO
ONE
TWO
THREE

I guess I'm doing something right as a parent. Proud of him and myself .

NGL hearing the head of I.T ask you to help a brotha out and "do your magic" makes one feel pretty fucking legit.

I know I pull some magical shit, I know most developers in senior level positions or management do, but I also know we all rarely get recognized. The fact that someone would know that what you do is basically magic for your institution makes one feel so fucking good.

I really fucking try. Shit is hard and holding an entire department together sometimes gets the best of me, but I fucking try.

wish you all the same feelings all the time, always

So you're sitting on your crappy Win 10 and whine about that piece of shit, huh? You had five fucking years to come up with a plan, but noooo. Instead, you put your thumb up your asshole and hoped MS would change ways. Only that they didn't, and that's because they bet on people like YOU, and now you have to suck your dirty thumb.