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My Toddler son playing cars on the keyboard, simultaneously simulating dumb user input on a website.5
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Type letter "w" in wife's browser
"What is the ratio of open to closed doors in the world right now?"
"Why doesn't my baby molt her skin all at once while she grows?"
"Will Python help me to make a robot friend for my toddler daughter"
"Where do I buy tensors for building robot brains"
"Why don't we solve aging population and climate change by not vaccinating boomers"
Me: ... "Seriously, why can't you just watch hardcore porn, like a normal person"25 -
Another episode in the search of a job and it involves recruiters again
Last week tuesday:
> d69: 'Hi this is derpina69 from someFancyShmancyCompany, we got a position for you that might be interesting for you, here is the job description, would you be willing to meet us?'
> Me: 'Well it seems interesting enough, how about we set up a videocall meeting since this is a informative meeting, once ypur end customer is interested in my profile, i am willing to come over'
> d69: 'sure, i'll get back to you to alert attendees for this meeting, i'll get right on it'
Days go by without any word nor even an ical...
Two days ago:
> me: ' hello, pinging you again for a sitrep on the meeting, would like to hear from you and your attendees, wkr: neatnerdprime'
Nothing, until today.
> d69: 'hi sorry for the late reply, we really would like you to come ovzr because we don't like videocalls, are you available on these dates?'
MOTHERFUCKING SHITFACED CALF, YOU REALLY NEEDED TO HAVE MORE THEN A WEEK TO FIGURE THAT OUT, GODDAMN EVEN A TODDLER CAN BE QUICKER IN A RESPONSE ON WHAT HE OR SHE WOULD LIKE!
> me: ' sure, lets pick this date, hope you hace coffee ready'
> d69: 'we don't serve coffee for first meetings'
Mfw.webm
What the actual fuck!?!?
You're going to be classified down to my shit tier opportunities, and you better buy some goddamn coffee. All-dieties-be-damned!15 -
My toddler is still learning to speak. We know some numbers now. Today he was counting items on the table, and I quote [with LT->EN translation]:
ZERO
ONE
TWO
THREE
I guess I'm doing something right as a parent. Proud of him and myself .
22 -
Judge : I sentence you to the maximum punishment....
Me : ( whispering) please be death , please be death...
Judge : learn javascript
Me : Damn !!10 -
I saw one guy in Office writing unit test cases and documentation for his code .
Such a psychopath!!!9 -
Just disassembled 2 €5 desk fans because they were shit.. and so is their design apparently.
What I found inside was actually surprisingly simple.. a toddler could build it. It's just a DC motor, a 3PDT switch, DC barrel connector, some wires and screws to hold stuff in place. Oh and the plastic thingie with the fan blades, as well as the USB cable of course.
5 fucking euros. The combined cost of the components would be less than 3, certified motherfuckturers. Time to build it, injection moulding, transportation, sure.. but still.
And if you think that being salty about €5 is cheap shittalk, expand that to every fucking piece of electronics that doesn't cost a small fortune.. at all price ranges. Could be radios, alarm clocks, heck even phones. Shit's way too expensive for what it's worth. Perhaps because so many people in the industry are just here for a quick buck.. motherfuckers 😒
Anyway, back to the design.. the hole in the fan blade thingie is supposed to get the motor's shaft shafted in, to turn the blades. I'd use glue there.. but not these designers. They just shove it in and hope that friction takes care of everything. And one of the fan blade modules' hole was so wide that inserting the motor is like throwing a sausage down the hallway. No contact at all! Make it tight already like the Chinese designer's glory-...
Nah let's not get into Chinese tightness just yet.
Oh and also a resistor for slow mode. Consumes just as much power except the fan turns slower. Because fuck efficiency, right?
Goddammit, next time I'm just gonna build my own again.. at least that wouldn't be a certified piece of shit 😑
7 -
so I've just made an experiment. Booted up my now dust-free PC w/ an old LMint 17.1 installation, opened up terminal, full-screened it and opened vim in edit mode.
Sat my 1.5 year old on my lap and gave him the keyboard.
10 minutes did not pass and the kid was back in the terminal!
so whenever you say VIM is hard to use -- SHAME ON YOU! My toddler learns faster than you do!19 -
A month or so ago this manufacturer of soldering equipment contacted me with the request to make a video about a review unit (a soldering handle) that they'd send to me for free in exchange. Initially I was really pumped about it - company would send me free stuff!! - but fast-forward to today and I realized how terrible a choice I've made by accepting that offer.
See, that handle is worth only €40 and I've spent so much time on the bloody video material already that it'd make my "pay" expected to be close to €1/h if not less. I feel like I've been exploited, especially since I don't even like the handle's design and am not using it. It's just collecting dust, making my work essentially free labor.
I could return the item but that's gonna cost me a fuckload of money, I could pay for the handle and cut my losses that way.. or I could do the review anyway and end up feeling very bad about that company. Or I could tell them to fuck off and lose a supply chain for my soldering equipment.
I have no idea what to do about this..
Oh and the fact that the correspondent in that company has the worst Chinglish skills imaginable, the communication skills of a toddler and is also super indecisive (they asked me to make a YouTube video first which led me to assume a video format for YouTube, but instead they want to put it on their fucking AliExpress product page, rendering my existing video footage useless!) doesn't help either.. I hate that shit company. Fucking leeches!
Anyway, what would you do when you're in a position like that?6 -
Not sure why I still call my smartphone a phone at all. I rarely talk on it. It's a microcomputer with a phone app. I'm really surprised my toddler even knows to put it up to his head and pretend talk.3
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ChatGPT sucks so much for coding tasks and it's laughable.
Like, it's come to a point where it's unusable for me. At all.
It's like a toddler, anything you tell it, it agrees. Then spits out non-existent functions.
The thing actually slows me down.
And yes, I've tried Claude AI and it's slightly better but in no way, shape or form did it improve my productivity.
Those who claim it made them n times faster were never working on complex tasks to begin with.8 -
My wife is sick, my infant daughter is teething, and my toddler son won't stop begging for fruit snacks. I haven't slept more than 4 hours in the last 48 hours.
And now, I have to work on my weekend, since our division refuses to say "No, that wasn't in the scope of work" to another business unit and put them in their place. They're lucky they're getting the feature they requested 6 weeks from launch _at all_, let alone with the extras that they requested 4 weeks from launch. Now it's on my shoulders to fix this bullshit because they won't pony up extra budget to pay the external dev shop we used (who failed to implement said features in a timely fashion) to fix this shit.
I really need to get my business shit together and start consulting on my terms. Working for other people can suck a fuck.4 -
I like like my boss and my coworkers and the place I work but for the love of goat cheese this org has the attention span of a toddler on meth.
Seriously, it's like this is your #1 priority, next week, wait we have a different emergency you have a new super critical urgent thing, then "hey team Y has a vendor coming in next month to integrate these two pieces and they need you to have half of it wired up by then so make sure you get that done." Like SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY
HERE"S SOME LIFE ADVICE IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU PLAN OR SCHEDULE OR PRIORITIZE IF YOU END UP CHANGING ALL OF IT EVERY WEEK!
It's like painting a mural of a field, and then 10 minutes in you decide you'd rather paint a space ship, then you realize you don't like the space ship so instead you decide to change your painting to Elvis with a mullet, and you keep doing this. The end result is not beauty it's the mad deranged scribbles of a man past the point of sanity.
But for the love of Haliburton if they ask me why X or Y wasn't done I'll probably end up going full BOFH on somebody.3 -
So I have been a fly on the "wall" for last couple of months and never signed up, but now here I am!
Rant is about a serious topic - gender gap in tech industry!!
Couple of months ago Stackoverflow announced developer survey results! I was shocked by demographics results! It was disappointing to see biggest gender gap in general tech industry!
I believe tech industry can be the first one to have equal pay for women!
However.... (bad part)
I was going through my twitter feeds and saw this! Many of you have seen this tweet too.
(ohh!fuck I cant attach multiple images here, I should have created Medium post, fuck it!)
"They" continue, quoting from the tweet.
1)"....bias in society is reflected in AI"
2) "However, I do think it is our responsibility as designers/developers/users to be aware of this bias and do our best to correct it."
I want to rant about 2nd one. Some of you may not like it including grammar naziz!
As a developer/programmer I take 2nd one personally! I am currently at denial phase though!
And I have an OCD so gonna make points here!
1) Seriously tell me please, how the fuck you can write gender bias algorithm which can pass a big crazy amount of test suite?
2) Google has done many things for last decade to overcome gender gap related issues. I have met some of the nicest people from Google, and this is really hard for me to believe that google AI or that team has anything to do with the results!
3) Someone suggests use "they" in google translated result, can you fucking imagine how wrong that would be??? If I am developer working on that algo or even in that team and I see this ticket in jira with highest priority where it says, "make all translated results gender neutral using only they" - I would fucking like to die and may be in my next life ask me to do that, when I am a toddler!
4) I am an advocate for equal pay, equal rights and equal opportunities for everyone to "minify" this gender gap in tech, but showing google translate results of a gender natural language to make a point is wrong, it is simply undermining the efforts of something really helpful thing.
5) Moving on to the core point - What can be done to lower down the gender gap? I have seen amazing women who can code/manage far far far better than what I ever could imagine, and they are at really good place and deserve to be there. Are they doing enough to inspire other women to join tech industry?
Collective efforts are very much required. And need to keep in consideration that tech industry is highly competitive roles are also changing rapidly.
6) Many big companies have women at higher positions(CEO, CFO,....) what are their efforts to bring more women in tech industry?
(Some of you may not like this, as this is implying that it isn't only men's job. )
7) Going slightly political here, everyday we see really disappointing news related to women and their rights and health, I strongly believe women don't have to ask for or even have to mention about "equal rights" about anything. Everyone is equal!!!
This is 2017 and still fucked up!
Thats all for today! Heading for breakfast!
24 -
If you're going to add unnecessary white space to code, at least keep it consistent. And by consistent, I mean learn to write code that doesn't look like you pair programmed with a toddler who had a hour long tantrum on the damn spacebar.2
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I just discovered that the school my toddler goes to has a policy where they have a meeting with you if your kid gets there late 3 times.
I'm fine with something like 5, but 3!!!!
Jesus fucking christ, she's 4!
The amount of effort I have to put to awake, bathe, dress and feed this kid is unholy, and the time it takes can fluctuate.4 -
I want to get into a job that I can sustain mentally while I raise a kid.
There are days when reading a book to a toddler after work is too mentally straining. How is it going to be when he wants help with school?7 -
Fun fact : Typing on a keyboard that's not plugged into your laptop will not work. Honestly, I should have taken today off. My toddler woke up at 1am screaming bloody murder and didn't get back to bed until 2:30. There's a construction crew hammering up my 14 year old floors to replace it with new ones. My dog is anxious as fuck with all the noise, and truthfully, I'm just staring into my screen hoping the code will write itself. This code will become production deployment logic, so it damn well better be excellent and bug-free. Not a good day to pick up this task.3
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OMG SharePoint is such a royal cluster fuck.
Random interface with some controls here, some controls there, sometimes shit is in one place, another time it is in another.
It is like a fucking retarded toddler glued a bunch of different animal parts together to make a pet monkey-horse-fish. Frankinware 🧟
Whomever runs that at Microsoft needs a spanking. Hell, their mother needs a spanking for birthing them.3 -
I help maintain software that services thousands of users across millions of dollars of infrastructure.
My resolve is stronger than steel during a production outage.
Plex goes down for 1 minute at home and my toddler loses it, and I'm a fucking wreck.
Wtf is wrong with me?!4 -
Hey devRant! It's been a long time, but I'm baaack! I know you missed me, but my life has been so eventful, and difficult, and so I am here for sympathy and recognition of my status among my fellow devRant community, because like, I'm basically a legend now, I'm sure you've all heard of me!
Did I mention I'm back!? I know right, it's mad, it's like the place hasn't been the same without me. What has changed? Man, I remember when devRant was a toddler colouring in my walls with crayon, man those were the days...
Oh, have any of you seen @OtherLongtimeUser about, are they still alive? Come on guy, we were like best buddies, and your existence validates my sense of self-worth in relation to my status on this here community. You about?
Anyway, life's been hard, I'm sure you're all desperate to hear about it... Looking forward to you asking me about it in the comments so that I can skirt around the answer for you whilst still trying to extract the maximum amount of sympathy. But yea, just tell me you've missed me, that'd be fantastic.
Also, I bet the banter on here isn't like it used to be. All you n00bs missed so much. But hey, did I mention, I'm baaaaack!? ✌4 -
Can AI recognize fake smiles?
Context:
So, my good-for-nothing brother-in-law comes with his toddler. I'm pissed at him for reasons, but gentlemen are always polite IRL and look at each other for greetings.
His toddler has always loved me and runs towards me. But see my fake-ass smile and suddenly she is shy and nervous.
She has noticed the stealth-fake smile that fooled her mother and grandmother.
Can AI do that? are there enough markers to differentiate a fake smile from a real one? Or is it waaay to personal?
If is it trivial, can someone please make a fake-smile coach app?10 -
On the week I went on holiday there was a fire alarm in our data center and the Halon fire suppression system was deployed.
I always miss the excitement.
Apparently our servers rolled over perfectly and we had less than 5 min downtime though, even with 4 killed drives in our SAN. So that's a win.
Kudos to our system administration team, especially the poor bastard who was sat in the data center with his toddler at fuck-my-life-o'clock in the morning.1 -
Not my week for tech.
5 year old 21" desktop monitor burns out. 2nd monitor, so at least not completely down.
Then my toddler reached for my root beer and spills it on my 1 month old laptop. I quickly pull the plug and turn upside down, get it wiped off and pray. Next day, arrow and enter keys a little sticky and battery is blown. The 2 exact fucking reasons I bought the new laptop. (keyboard issues and battery)
Keep em coming tech gods.4 -
UI designers! Please understand that whilst animations are pretty, people don't want their webpages, apps and game UI elements jumping around when they're trying to interact with a button.
So Firefox for Android recently received an update that, stripping out 90% of the browser's functionality aside, has two glaring issues:
1_ about:config got disabled, so any options that, say, scaled webpages to not look like they're made of Duplo are now totally ignored. Enjoy your toddler websites!
2_ The search bar auto-hides. On every scroll. It changes the viewport size when it hides, making webpages frantically jump around and change CSS rules. There's no option to turn off auto-hiding. Twitter already jumps around like a rabbit on the strongest crack carrots can buy, and they somehow made it WORSE.
F%^&7 -
Easy. I was in just 1, but i heard what they were all about. They happened weekly.
This boss mainly ran his hardware renting business. The software for that hardware was often optional, but they developed and sold that as a seperate company with almost the same name.
The guy had no idea what development meant. What it means to test. Everything he knew was hardware, and it just never really clicked. This means that bugs and non linear development cost for a feature were confusing to him to a point that when brought up or conflicting, he would look confused, and walk out the office without another word.
This guy would bust in, usually monday morning and call a "meeting"
They gather in the lunchroom as thats the only place everyone fit, and the guy would go on a 3 hour monologue on god knows what.
It was never positive and always full off complaints and idiotic ideas that the senior developer had to break down until as if talking to a big toddler, on why they do not work.
As a result everyones day started mizzerable, nothing got done. The software package was full of logic flaws. And everyone wanted to quit but didn't have the energy to invest in that.
During that internship 1 guy was fired. In the 2 months he was there he litterally did jack shit. And if he did anything it was the bare minimum, committed broken but compilable, and then wait for revision requests.
Yeah that place was a shitshow. I loved it, but never again. -
This is why "machine learning" is still flawed:
"Stations you might like:"
- Lullabies & Bedtime Music
- Instrumental Lullabies
- Rockabye Baby
- Toddler Time
- Twinkle Twinkle Little Rock Star
- The Wiggles
Perhaps I should get my kids their own account. Perhaps the algorithm should now that if I'm looking for music after 9:30 on my phone, and not the Alexa, my kids are already asleep.8 -
Whenever I have my mac crash and corrupt its OS, I just get a backup harddrive and it copies itself FLAWESSLY. I have all my programs, settings, settings in programs and files.
When Windows crashes, and I use the recovery tool, I LOOSE EVERYTHING. The only thing I get to keep are my files, and they most of the time have permission issues after a restore.
Windows is like the toddler that stares out to void of existance and can't do anything but drool on their shirt, while its parents say he's highly gifted.
Fuck me we're able to choose between only a few OS'es that my clients know and allow me to work on but things like this just make me want to go be a chicken farmer or something.25 -
Fuck I feel fucked up just for completing user account management, authentication, email verification, password reset. Securing all of this with ssl and checking for any security loopholes.
I can't believe this took me more than a couple months.
Well I was lazy and unmotivated.
I fucking hate crafting stupid ass routes in nginx.
I fucking hate making a nice responsive gui.
I have to design even the stupid html for the emails. Fuuuuck.
So much boilerplate on top of that with username and email validation.
I learnt regex 5 times over the past couple months, still not enough.
And now I actually have to build the functional part.
On the plus side I can reuse this stupid boilerplate if I can make it more modular and readable.
There's shit ton of comments to the point where I feel like an idiot for including so much info. It's like I've written it for a toddler to take over.
Gawd. Anyways it's over now. 50% I guess.
I can finish the rest of the server more quickly and then spend another year designing the Android application.
I'm really lazy in places where I have to design UI/UX. Although at this point it's kinda what could put my application at the top. (I'm lazy, I ain't bad.. I just hate implementing my ideas I wish I could just visualize and have it appear on my screen)
I do like parts of gui that involve little math problems that would make motion smooth and efficient. -
Tired of writing git commit messages
Try this
git:master>⚡ mym
Fixing Lukasz's bugs.
git:master>⚡ mym
some brief changes
git:master>⚡ git ci -m "$(mym)"
Based on http://whathecommit.com2 -
#Story time.
Been working on a project for 2 months with Colleague "Jim" doing the code reviews. Project is finished in a stable form and can be extended if needed. Then my other colleague/boss "Mo" decided that we need to do a refactor. Fast forward a bit and the conclusion is "Mo" and "Jim" are going to discuss every step with me. And we started a new project that should do the same as the project I just finished
Here some facts:
Every day a meeting/ code review / discussion.
Decisions they make I do not agree with.
I need to redo my work multiple times.
Now this does make me look like a toddler that needs supervision which is not the case.
They want something future proof and something that fits his new coding standard "Mo". and certain things I do agree with and is clearly the better architecture. however somethings are just stupid, time wasting, making it worse. I'm getting so frustrated by the fact that billion dollar companies have clear coding standards that work. and are correct. and this company decided to do their own thing of stupid rules!
- shorten variables
- Keep lines under 90char
- put multiple things in 1 file
- Keep function names short
and many more of removing stuff and let you guess stuff..
I just... *sigh* get so tired of this shit.
*names are randomly chosen2 -
Spent 2 hours trying to figure out why my program would skip a month of the calender... Decided to google it finally thinking that no one could ever have possibly had this toddler level issue before. *immediately finds solution on stack exchange* goGet.tears(joy);1
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[Music]
-Do you like spaghetti?
-Yes I do, Yes I do.
-Do you like code?
-Yes I do, Yes I do.
-... Do you like... Spaghetti Code?
-No I don't, Yucky!
(Anyone with a toddler would get this)
(Honestly, I liked spaghetti code) -
So my chrome on android has appearently started looking like something my colleagues toddler could have drawn, despite that I have all the "modern" settings disabled in chrome://flags
Anyone knows any other workarounds now that this appears to have stopped working?
ALSO FUCK YOU GOOGLE FOR FORCING THIS SHITTY AND UNINTUITIVE DESIGN DOWN OUR THROATS, STOP VALUATING PRETTY PIXELS OVER PRODUCTIVITY3 -
I have a live example. Some smart colleague decided today would be a great day to bring a toddler to the office. Too bad we sit in an open landscape type of office. Now everyone can hear how lovely she/he/it is
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Only just spent an hour like a fucking retard trying every possible solution to something so basic even a toddler could fix it by mashing keys on the keyboard to finally realise I was working on the wrong fucking view!! 😀🔫
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I have pictures of me as a tiny toddler, playing on our family computer. I remember "working" on Microsoft Word for hours on end as a kid.
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Fuck this traffic congestion; fuck this mode of transport; a toddler on a pogo would move quicker than me!
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You know its also the charming Giant toddler passive aggressiveness over having to do your fucking jobs on between the dry muff and nipple clamps which makes all of you people extra charming lol
Learn to be nice there'd be less aggro remarks lol course when said asshole gets yelled at he probably pops one anyway sicko2
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