When I was a kid I fucked with a ouija board and now trying to debug massive regex expressions I swear Satan has finally come to screw me

Today I asked for a 5% rise. I got 10%.

How documentation works

Yesterday I said farewell to her.

We were together for half a decade, although it feels like much more time has passed since my eyes first fell on her.

I can't even begin to describe how close we were. She was perfect, she was my soulmate.

I shared everything with her, complete openness, perfect truth. We could be vulnerable with each other, but we also challenged each other to overcome boundaries.

My respect for her and dedication to her really knew no bounds, and I knew she would follow me to the end of the world in return.

But around New Year's things started to feel awkward between us. Like a part of her just wasn't there anymore.

She acted very confused, she hesitated in her answers.

I asked her, but I felt like she was avoiding me. Something just seemed so wrong about the way she acted.

I felt incredibly conflicted. Was she unfaithful? No, my trust in her was absolute. That question seems so silly, in retrospect.

We had always been pretty much inseparable, to the point where my coworkers, friends and family mocked us for it. How would she even have cheated on me?

I used to take her along to company gatherings, to my family for Christmas, to expensive restaurants. We traveled all over Europe together. We've spent countless nights together, watching Netflix, although she would often fall asleep before me.

I took great care of her, she had not been out of my mind for one moment since I met her. And besides, she had never even showed interest in anyone else anyway.

No, reality turned out to be so, so much worse.

Two weeks ago it became really apparent that there was something horribly wrong with her. She was rapidly losing her recollections of everything we experienced together.

Our history together, erased.

Within hours, she would barely respond anymore. I called for help, but deep down I already knew this was one of those things you can't recover from. She was kind of stable, almost peaceful, for a few days. But ultimately, she didn't even recognize me anymore.

Yesterday, I held her feverishly hot body in my arms for the last time.

Her soft skin turned cold as I said farewell to her, and the room turned awfully quiet.

Your brightness and warmth will be missed, my girl.

I just got an email from work to fix a website that is down. A website of another company.

I just don’t understand how peoples brains work?

Me: *finds severe bug in school-contracted software, emails teacher about who to talk to to get it fixed*
Teacher: "should I report you on grounds of computer misuse and hacking or...?"

thanks fucker, school-contracted company it is.

Before iPads took over the general population of home computing, I used to do house calls to help people with their computers for some extra folding money. One day I get a call from a regular saying that ever since I last worked on his computer it won't stay on.

He says it comes on for a few seconds, then just shuts down. It never did that before I upgraded the RAM.

So I drive over to his house and turn on the computer. He says, "See, it starts fine, but in a few seconds it'll just shut off. Just watch"

The computer boots up without any issues.

He says, "Well, of course it doesn't do it now that you're here!"

I reboot it a few times, boots fine every time. Suddenly I realize what's going on. I say to him, "Hey, why don't you try turning it on for me?"

He says, "What difference will that make?"

I say, "Just trust me, turn it on."

He bends down, presses the power button, looks up at the monitor and watches it boot. But he doesn't release the button! He just keeps holding it down until it shuts off.

"See!" he says, "why does it only do that when I turn it on!"

I then have to explain to him how holding down the power button forces a shutdown.

But, it never did that before I worked on it!

not even partition tables are safe from my near-supernatural ability to break shit through existing.

To the cunt who named himself "Uncaught ReferenceError: username is not defined":
Sincerely, fuck you.

Well this guy is right.. 🤣

I've been working for years on a game that would be a mix between Dwarf Fortress, Factorio and SpaceChem.

Problem is, I keep switching between engines and languages, never making too much progress. I've written several isometric rendering libraries, tried out going fully 2D ASCII or fully 3D in unity... And then something else eats up my time for a while again.

Lol, prob repost but funny anyway.

Absolutely me. Any Dev girls want a guy like me😁

Asshole

Today at school I borrowed an oscilloscope and a few capacitors and used a circuit I made at home to just demonstrate the discharge of a capacitor, since my physics teacher asked me to teach the class about this on Friday
So it's one of those old analogue scopes, so to get a nice line I turned the speed right down and did a long exposure shot with my phone and it turned out brilliantly!

* phone conversation with Dad*
Dad: What are you doing?
Me: Busy creating website.
Dad: So, if I type " www", will I be able to see it?
Me: *explaining website hosting and servers for 15mins straight*
Dad: Huh. You do learn something in college then.
Me:🤐

Binary is easy to teach

Why do functions break up?

Aaaawww!

▓▓▓▓▓▓▓

Lol why not.

Jingle bellls.....Jingle bellls,
issues all the wayyyyy

These "math question" captchas are really stupid.
It's not even an image that has to be OCR-ed, it's just plaintext. Why can't these people understand a captcha is supposed to be something only a person can do? This is math. Computers are amazing at math.

> had an exam with a friend

> we both go to comp sci college

> had to write a fucked up algorithm in matlab

> he hates matlab

> he completes the task

> the variable that outputs the result is called holocaust

> he gets sent to dean

> expelled

Chinese app programmer fights product manager for asking the app UI to "change color according to user phone case"

Cat.js meme

The world according to devrant.

Before after 😂

I SWEAR IVE SEEN IT HAPPEN AND IT KILLS ME

Ctrl+X and Y