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Oh my god... Storytime.
A customer comes in with I assume is his father or grandfather.
Customer: I need a computer, but without all the internals
Me: So a case?
Customer: Yes, I need a Dell computer outsides, but without the internal components.
Me: Well, we don't have Dell cases, but we sell custom build cases and they come with a power supply.
Customer: *says nothing, but looks interested*
Me: *walks over to the cases to show him* So this is what the cases look like and we have two types, one for a ATX and one for a micro-ATX.
Customer: *still says nothing, but looks at them*
Me: What motherboard do you have at the moment?
Customer: Well, I don't have anything right now, but I'm replacing another computer that didn't work very well. I'm going to be getting some Dell parts to put in here.
Me: O-okay. So this other computer, I'd like to see it in shop to see what's going on with it.
Customer: Oh, you do NOT want to do that. I hooked it up to another computer and it blew it up.
Me: Huh, that's weird. I'd still like to look at it if possible.
Customer: Oh no, it's all wired wrong and... *some bullshit, but stay with me*
Customer: I am the best at technology. My hand has computer parts in it--government funded. *some more bullshit*
Me: Okay... *I try to bring it back around* Well, I'd still like to see the other computer for myself. So you don't have parts for this new build yet, right? You don't know what type of motherboard you have?
Me: Well, I would get the internals first, so you know what size of case to get, and then get the case.
Customer: Okay. Thank you for your time.
He shook my hand with his "cyborg" hand and I was tempted to say something about "try not to crush my hand," but elected not to. Also during this entire exchange, the old man continuously farted in the background.25
Got approached at a conference by some guys:
Them: "Hey we need a skilled developer for xyz... Want to join our project?"
Me: "Sure..." and before I can even ask about more details (specifically money) they say:
"We're a small startup made up of 5 (firkin FIVE) business guys so you'd be the first developer... and obviously we'd pay you with shares because we don't have any money."
Me: "... Sounds interesting... But unfortunately I'm busy."
Needless to say their "team" disbanded not even 3 months in.5
CLIENT: It's just a small website, 15-20 pages 2,500$, what do you say?
ME: Sure, sounds easy.
CLIENT: oh, and I need you to sign this contract that you won't copy or competete with me for the next two years.
ME: Sounds reasonable.
-- A year later --
I had finished building a huge CMS system that serves 420+ organizations, the entire thing copied from his competitor.
CLIENT: So there is only about two weeks left of work...
ME: Goodbye, I have a new job that actually pays money.
CLIENT: Don't forget our contract...
At least he paid me, but 2,500$ for a whole year's work isn't such a good deal anymore.9
I'm working on a project with a teacher to overview the project at my school to be responsible for the confidential student data...
Teacher: How are we going to authenticate the kiosk machines so people don't need a login?
Me: Well we can use a unique URL for the app and that will put an authorized cookie on the machine as well as local IP whitelisting.
Teacher: well that seems silly! There must be a way.
Me: Nope definately not. Let's just make a fancy shortcut?
Teacher: Alright you do that for now until I find a way to access that file.
I want to quit this project so bad5
The windows/microsoft fanboy I've ranted about multiple times.
- wouldn't use anything except for windows. Even if required for a project (I would if really needed, have done that a few times already)
- refused to use any framework/language not written by Microsoft
- tried to get other projects to use windows/.net when it wasn't required and it was only linux/php guys (and that fit the projects perfectly)
- ONLY wanted to use Skype and whatsapp. Always bragged about how he had 10gb of Skype history.
- didn't want to use anything related to linus torvalds or open source because 'those are open source and have no business model so they're bad'
And then: he suggested the use of windows server right after one was hacked (windows vuln that wasn't patched yet) which caused the devops guys to want to install a new Linux server for it.
Even the windows sysadmin pointed to the door when he said that and gave him a huge 'GTFO' face cD
Yeah, fuck him.10
Best quotes from IT teacher:
- "C# is a language to program your IDE."
- "C# is a language for beginners, and is not really used in production."
- "We won't use Python to learn programming, because Python is a very old, slow and useless language, and is not really used anymore."
- "Yeah, your algorithm is fantastic, but you wrote 'The answer is: ' instead of 'Answer: ', so it's just a B."
- One of my classmates was bored and opened Notepad++, and when the teacher saw it, she said "I have been teaching programming for years, but I've never seen this program, what do you use it for?"
I feel so lucky that I have started learning programming years before at home, I just couldn't start if I had to learn this way.48
This new dude who would change status of tickets to "resolved", thinking that it actually fixed problems reported in those tickets.5
I'm currently freelancing abroad.
I don't get the UK Salley but I don't pay the UK prices.
I get to travel, see the world and support myself.
Much more valuable then any high end wage to me.
A convo with my !dev colleague.
Her: Can i use your PC for a while?
Me: Yeah sure.
Her: Why is this so wierd? Why i can't refresh?
Me: It's Ubuntu.
Her: Man, this sucks, you should use windows 10, it's the latest!
End of Convo.
After that day, i heard her talking to my other colleague.
Her: "Go ask him. The one with the weird PC."
SHOULD I KILL HER?22
Rant! I found a bug in payment provider's api. The bug involves sending an invalid (!) Stripe ID to that API, (which I send on purpose btw) Which causes a complete white page when you login to their systems and view the details of that customer. Btw the API will accept that invalid Stripe ID without questioning and returns a 200 status code back.
So I send a mail to there support saying "look I found this bug by accident, this is how you can reproduce it"
And the support team send me a message back saying "then don't send an invalid Stripe ID"...
You don't freaking say... *sigh*10
A couple of years ago, I was working in a computer shop as a "technician", I was 15, first job I ever had.
One day an elderly lady came into the shop, probably 50'ish, she and her whole family "suffered" from electromagnetic radiation, and the mother had the worst suffering. She complained about her TV box that just had died.
I accept the tuner and see it's wrapped with 10 layers of aluminium foil, with a tiny hole for the IR receiver.
The whole box smells like burnt electronics, and the foil gets darker for each layer I unwrap. I try explain to her that the box gets warm and overheated by wrapping it like this, and she's lucky that it didn't catch fire.
I further explain to her that she will not get a new box, because the warranty does not cover _this_. The mother tells me she has to wrap it like this, because she gets headaches when she's watching the news.
She then proceeds to go into a rage mode and gets her whole family into the shop, where all of them starts yelling at me, the younger kids start throwing stuff down from the shelves and touching the TVs with sticky fingers (literally, sticky, like yuck!).
Unsure what to do, boss is in a meeting, and my colleague is busy in the back.
So I calmly tell them that in this building there's 4 wireless networks, 3 wireless phones, high voltage cables run in the wall behind me, there's factory tracks 20 meters behind the building, next door business is an electrician, you're standing in front of wall with 30-40 TVs, 5 HDMI splitters, 3 TV boxes and a Blu-ray player. And they've all been standing in front of them for the last 10 minutes.
They all suddenly feel really sick and run out of the store, never to be seen again. From that day, I decided I'll never work in a shop again, and pursued my dreams to become a developer.
TL;DR: Family is "sensitive" to electromagnetic radiation, almost put burnt down their house because of stupidity, yelled at me. I decided to pursue my dream as a developer.16
Me: so, ifconfig, what is my gateway?
ifconfig: [ip address]
Me: nmap, what is this IP address?
nmap: it's a network switch with an open telnet port.
Me: what happens if I connect to it?
switch: WHAT IS THE PASSWORD?!?!
Me: is it blank?
switch: correct. what do you want to do?
Me: can I look at all the IP and MAC addresses on the network?
switch: WHAT IS THE ADMIN PASSWORD?!?!
Me: is it... admin?
switch: correct. Here's everyone that's connected to the network: [400+ IPs and MACs]
Me: ok python, would you filter through these and tell me what manufacturer each one belongs to?
[~50 manufacturer lookups later]
python: there's a bunch of apple product, a bunch of miscellaneous laptop and printer manufacturers, and some raspberry pis.
Me: raspberry pis?
python: yep. about 20 of them.
Me: What happens if I connect to one?
rpi: WHAT IS THE PASSWORD?!?!
rpi: correct. what do you want to do?
Me: can I make you do my bidding in the background when you aren't being used?
rpi: sure, sounds fine.
I love ignorant sysadmins.8
Flirting! Life as a programmer has me irrationally attracted to nerds. A recent flirty exchange included something like this - "I'll build your environment, baby. I will build it with the finest, artisanally-crafted shell scripts so it can built and rebuilt over and over again.."
My friends think it's weird that all my crushes are neither good looking nor social. I don't think they'd ever understand.10
a day will come, when human race will get extinct and only JS frameworks will survive like cockroaches..!!3
So I got a call from a school friend today.
I'm currently doing majors in Computer science and I hadn't talked to her since high school.
She: "Hi! How are you?"
Me: "Hey, I'm great! How are you?"
It's really difficult to talk to someone after 2-3 years, considering you didn't talk much in school also.
She: "I'm great too!"
Me: "So what's up?"
She: "Listen, my friend lost her iPhone today. Cab you help us in retrieving it?"
Me: *hangs up*6
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
C#: That's not a cup of tea.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar in it.
C#: That's not a cup of tea with two tea spoons of sugar in it.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk in it.
C#: That is not a cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk it.
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
Why the fuck someone write "used linux to speed up development" in your resume. But when you have to use it, questions like "where to download git for linux?" appears?1
So I have been freelancing as web developer for 5 years. I was also playing basketball professionally so I was only working part-time, building websites here and there, small android apps to learn the job and I was also reading a lot to challenge my brain.
When I stopped playing basketball about a year ago, I thought I would really enjoy coding full time so I pursued a job.
With no formal education and just a basketball background on paper, in the collapsed Greek economy, as you may assume chances of landing a job are minimal.
After about 40 resumes sent I only got an internship. It was a 4 month, part-time, no pay deal, and then the company would decide if they would like to hire me later.
The company had 4 employees and they are one of the largest software distribution businesses in my area. They resell SaaS bought from a third company, bundled with installation support, initial configuration, hardware support, whatever a client may need.
I was the only one with any ability to code whatsoever. The other people were working mostly on customer support with the occasional hardware repair.
After the 4 month period they owner (small company, owner was also manager and other roles) told me that they are very happy with my work and would like to keep me part-time with minimum pay.
Just to give you and idea if the amounts of money involved, in Greece, after taxes, my salary was 240euros per month. And the average cost of surviving (rent, cheapest food possible, no expenses on anything but super basics) is about 600euros.
I told him I needed more to live and he told me ok, we will reevaluate a few months later, at the end of May 2017.
I just accepted it without having many options. The company after all was charging clients 30euros per hour for my projects so I kept thinking that if I worked a lot and delivered consistently I would get a full time job and decent money.
And I delivered. In the following months I made a Magento extension, some WordPress themes, a C# application to extract data from the client's ERP and import it to a third application, a click to call application to use Asterisk to originate calls from the client's ERP, a web application to manage a restaurant's menu and many more small projects. Whatever they asked, I delivered.
On time, version controlled, heavily documented solutions (my C# ones are not exactly masterpieces but it was my first time with the language and windows).
So when May ended I was pretty excited to hear they wanted to keep me full time. I worked hard for it, I was serious, professional, I tried a lot to learn things so I can deliver, and the company recognized that. YAY.
So the time comes to talk money. The offer was 480euros per month. Double my part-time pay, minimum wage. I asked for about 700. Manager said it's hard but I will see what I can do. So we agreed to keep the deal for June while they are working on a better offer.
During the first half of June I finished my last project, put all my work on a nice folder with a nice readme on every project's directory, with their version control and everything.
The offer never improved, so I said no deal, and as of today, I am jobless.
I am stressed as fuck and excited as fuck at the same time.
I will do my best to survive in the shitstorm that is called Greece.
Bring it on.9