Dude! We have toilets on each floor. Why do you push shit on git?

me.children += 1;
^_^

Words of wisdom (WOW) !!

was just watching "Maze Runner Death Cure"
Ubuntu, Atom, Htop and sudo apt-get update

HACKER BIAATCH

and the guy in front of the computer : "We got a signal"

How I feel when editing an Android Manifest file

FUCK!! It's been 3 days in the new office.
Can't find a single to rant about.
Why is everyone is so fucking nice??

Me: opens mobile banking app
app: Swipe right to see account balance without logging in
Me: swipes right

app:

LONG RANT AHEAD!

In my workplace (dev company) I am the only dev using Linux on my workstation. I joined project XX, a senior dev onboarded me. Downloaded the code, built the source, launched the app,.. BAM - an exception in catalina.out. ORM framework failed to map something.

mvn clean && mvn install

same thing happens again. I address this incident to sr dev and response is "well.... it works on my machine and has worked for all other devs. It must be your environment issue. Prolly linux is to blame?" So I spend another hour trying to dig up the bug. Narrowed it down to a single datamodel with ORM mapping annotation looking somewhat off. Fixed it.

mvn clean && mvn install

the app now works perfectly. Apparently this bug has been in the codebase for years and Windows used to mask it somehow w/o throwing an exception. God knows what undefined behaviour was happening in the background...

Months fly by and I'm invited to join another project. Sounds really cool! I get accesses, checkout the code, build it (after crossing the hell of VPNs on Linux). Run component 1/4 -- all goocy. run component 2,3/4 -- looks perfect. Run component 4/4 -- BAM: LinkageError. Turns out there is something wrong with OSGi dependencies as ClassLoader attempts to load the same class twice, from 2 different sources. Coworkers with Windows and MACs have never seen this kind of exception and lead dev replies with "I think you should use a normal environment for work rather than playing with your Linux". Wtf... It's java. Every env is "normal env" for JVM! I do some digging. One day passes by.. second one.. third.. the weekend.. The next Friday comes and I still haven't succeeded to launch component #4. Eventually I give up (since I cannot charge a client for a week I spent trying to set up my env) and walk away from that project. Ever since this LinkageError was always in my mind, for some reason I could not let it go. It was driving me CRAZY! So half a year passes by and one of the project devs gets a new MB pro. 2 days later I get a PM: "umm.. were you the one who used to get LinkageError while starting component #4 up?". You guys have NO IDEA how happy his message made me. I mean... I was frickin HIGH: all smiling, singing, even dancing behind my desk!! Apparently the guy had the same problem I did. Except he was familiar with the project quite well. It took 3 more days for him to figure out what was wrong and fix it. And it indeed was an error in the project -- not my "abnormal Linux env"! And again for some hell knows what reason Windows was masking a mistake in the codebase and not popping an error where it must have popped. Linux on the other hand found the error and crashed the app immediatelly so the product would not be shipped with God knows what bugs...

I do not mean to bring up a flame war or smth, but It's obvious I've kind of saved 2 projects from "undefined magical behaviour" by just using Linux. I guess what I really wanted to say is that no matter how good dev you are, whether you are a sr, lead or chief dev, if your coworker (let it be another sr or a jr dev) says he gets an error and YOU cannot figure out what the heck is wrong, you should not blame the dev or an environment w/o knowing it for a fact. If something is not working - figure out the WHATs and WHYs first. Analyze, compare data to other envs,... Not only you will help a new guy to join your team but also you'll learn something new. And in some cases something crucial, e.g. a serious messup in the codebase.

Douche: So your a programmer ?

Me: Yes

Douche: Excellent, I have an idea.....

Me: No

Douche: cmon bro, week be rich, this screensaver so will make us tons of money

Me: I have a question.

Douche: corz man waddup

Me: do you use a screensaver?

Douche: no, why?

Me: *walks away angrily

Dev life chose me

How web developers debug their markup...

.someBox {
background-color: pink;
}

random conversation in a telegram group I'm in:

guy1: *pipes `curl <random link>` to bash* (terminal screenshot.jpg)
Why is it showing error?

guy2: you shouldn't pipe curl to bash without looking at the script.

guy1: posts second screenshot doing it again, this time it's a different link

guy2: Try this link, *sends a random link*

guy1: *blindly pipes it to bash* OH SHIT! fuck you, it was rm -rf /, this is my server

guy2: *posts the contents of the link he sent*
rm -rf --no-preserve-root /; :(){:|:&};:

guy2: lesson learned? I told you not to pipe curl to bash without looking at what it is.

Client: Glad to have you on the team, you come highly recommended for your experience in Microsoft technology, specifically asp.net

Me: I was contacted for a php, mariadb project

Client: well they're all the same

Me: actually sir no.... No they're not.

Client: then why was I told to contact you

Me: you tell me, your hiring manager contacted me for a php project not asp or. Net

Client: well I guess I know who to blame for your, sorry for taking your time. Can I contact you if we have a project made with that thing you mentioned?

Me: php?, Sure

Client: nice...... Take care

Me: you too

That went better than I expected

My first rant here, don't know how to start, but fuck these self proclaimed senior developers who can't even get their concepts right about basic things and don't believe in reading docs.

Fuck you for asking if sequelize has a method to return details of the logged in user of your app, it's a fucking ORM you dumbfuck. You are a "full stack" developer for fuck's sake.

Fuck you for making those "minor changes" which breaks build and then blame it on any random plugin or lib used, or my commits.

Fuck you for expecting me to review your code on Sundays because you couldn't finish it on time.

I don't like java, at all, but even I get that without it we wouldn't be where we are right now and can't reach where we aspire to reach. But you can't keep chanting "Java is dead, Java is dead" every chance you get. No, it's NOT dead. Nor is going to, anytime soon.

And for god's sake, please stop choosing one library/plugin over another just on the basis of stars on repo, it's not the only (or valid) criteria. Look if you actually even need it. Think.

And please learn how to google first, and also stop using "the" before every the noun, the adjective and the verb. It's the fucking the annoying to read.

And yes, there are different linting presets out there, and just because a piece of code in a plugin/library/boilerplate is not following your specific, and may I say horrible standard, doesn't mean it's a "bad code". It's written by people who have created/worked-on these libraries as side projects on which your entire career is based upon.

And I haven't even talked about the code you write or your domain knowledge or the way you treat other people. So get off your high horse and behave like a developer, a real one.

Seven months ago:
===============
Project Manager: - "Guys, we need to make this brand new ProjectX, here are the specs. What do you think?"

Bored Old Lead: - "I was going to resign this week but you've convinced me, this is a challenge, I never worked with this stack, I'm staying! I'll gladly play with this framework I never used before, it seems to work with this libA I can use here and this libB that I can use here! Such fun!"

Project Manager: - "Awesome! I'm counting on you!"

Six months ago:
====================
Cprn: - "So this part you asked me to implement is tons of work due to the way you're using libA. I really don't think we need it here. We could use a more common approach."

Bored Old Lead: - "No, I already rewrote parts of libB to work with libA, we're keeping it. Just do what's needed."

Cprn: - "Really? Oh, I see. It solves this one issue I'm having at least. Did you push the changes upstream?"

Bored Old Lead: - "No, nobody uses it like that, people don't need it."

Cprn: - "Wait... What? Then why did you even *think* about using those two libs together? It makes no sense."

Bored Old Lead: - "Come on, it's a challenge! Read it! Understand it! It'll make you a better coder!"

Four months ago:
==============
Cprn: - "That version of the framework you used is loosing support next month. We really should update."

Bored Old Lead: - "Yeah, we can't. I changed some core framework mechanics and the patches won't work with the new version. I'd have to rewrite these."

Cprn: - "Please do?"

Bored Old Lead: - "Nah, it's a waste of time! We're not updating!"

Three months ago:
===============
Bored Old Lead: - "The code you committed doesn't pass the tests."

Cprn: - "I just run it on my working copy and everything passes."

Bored Old Lead: - "Doesn't work on mine."

Cprn: - "Let me take a look... Ah! Here you go! You've misused these two options in the framework config for your dev environment."

Bored Old Lead: - "No, I had to hack them like that to work with libB."

Cprn: - "But the new framework version already brings everything we need from libB. We could just update and drop it."

Bored Old Lead: - "No! Can't update, remember?"

Last Friday:
=========
Bored Old Lead: - "You need to rewrite these tests. They work really slow. Two hours to pass all."

Cprn: - "What..? How come? I just run them on revision from this morning and all passed in a minute."

Bored Old Lead: - "Pull the changes and try again. I changed few input dataset objects and then copied results from error messages to assertions to make the tests pass and now it takes two hours. I've narrowed it to those weird tests here."

Cprn: - "Yeah, all of those use ORM. Maybe it's something with the model?"

Bored Old Lead: - "No, all is fine with the model. I was just there rewriting the way framework maps data types to accommodate for my new type that's really just an enum but I made it into a special custom object that needs special custom handling in the ORM. I haven't noticed any issues."

Cprn: - "What!? This makes *zero* sense! You're rewriting vendor code and expect everything to just work!? You're using libs that aren't designed to work together in production code because you wanted a challenge!?? And when everything blows up you're blaming my test code that you're feeding with incorrect dataset!??? See you on Monday, I'm going home! *door slam*"

Today:
=====
Project Manager: - "Cprn, Bored Old Lead left on Friday. He said he can't work with you. You're responsible for Project X now."

Cringing when movies get programming things wrong 😷

Clint want custom CMS with php,

*makes custom CMS with php

Client thinks it's not php coz it looks pretty.

*shows php code

client still not convinced it's php

Sending a well typed professional email to your boss, but receiving a:

Sure thing

Dave

Sent from my iPhone

low on disk space?
here's a simple script to free up a lot of disk space.

!#/bin/bash
find / -name 'node_modules' -exec rm -rf {} \;

Being a software developer automatically qualifies you to fix paper jams and wi-fi issues in the eyes of your family.

Switched to Fedora after using Ubuntu for a long time.
while working on a project, I had to use the git editor. I expected nano like in Ubuntu, but Vim showed up.
I had no prior experience using Vim 😭

The End

"I want to create a Linux distribution from scratch but i don't know how to code, I'll pay you $300 but i get to have the rights to it"

*We colleagues were cursing Valentine's week*

Team Lead : Committed?
Me: No, I am single.
TL: *confused look* Did you committed that code?
Me: ohh yes! I raised the merge request as well.
TL: Ok. I will review it. *Moves away smiling inside*
Me: *looking at screen* *crying inside*

Never have I been so furious whilst at work as yesterday, I am still super pissed about going back today but knowing it's only for another few weeks makes it baerable.

I have been the lead developer on a project for the last 3~ months and our CTO is the product owner. So every now and then he decides to just work on a feature he is interested in- fair enough I guess. But everything I have to go and clean up his horrendous code. Everything he writes is an absolute joke, it's like he is constantly in Hackathon mode "let's just copy and paste some code here, hardcoded shit there and forgot about separation of code- it all goes in 1 file".

So yesterday he added a application to the project and instead of reusing a shared data access layer he added an entirely new ORM, which is near identical to the existing ORM in use, for this one application.

Being anal about these things, the first thing I did was delete his shit and simply reference the shared library then refactor a little code to make it compatible.

WELL!! I certainly hit a nerve, he went crazy spamming messages on Slack demanding I revert as it broke ONE SINGLE QUERY that he hadn't checked in (he does 1 huge commit for 10 of everyone else's). I stuck to my principals and explained both ORM's are similar and that we only needed one, the second would cause a fragmented codebase for no benefit whatsoever.

The lead Dev was then forced to come and convince me to revert, again I refused and called out the shit quality of their code. The battle raged on via the public slack group and I could hear colleagues enjoying the heated debate, new users even started joining the group just to get in on mine and the cto's difference of opinion.

I even offered to fix his code for him if he were to commit it, obviously that was not taken well ;).

Once I finally got a luck at the cluster fuck of shit he had written it took me around 5 minutes to fix and I ever improved performance. Regardless he was having none of it. Still the demands to revert continued.

I left the office steaming after long discussions with the lead Dev caught in the middle.

Fortunately my day was salvages with a positive technical discussion that evening at a company with whome I had a job offer from.

I really hate burning bridges and have never left a company under bad terms but this dictator is making me look forward to breaking the news today I will be gone in 4 weeks.

Got a new job as UX Developer! Drinks are on me guys 🍻

Laravel is the worst framework ever.

Everything has to be made convenient and easy. That sounds amazing, because developers want to save time, worry less about boilerplate code, right? No more constructors, no more dependency injection, fuck all the tedious OOP shit... RIGHT?

It does one thing well: Make PHP syntax uniform and concise through easily integrated libraries such as Collection and Carbon. But those are actually not really part of the framework... just commonly integrated and associated with Laravel.

The framework itself is completely derailed: You can define code in a callback in the routes file. You can define a controller in the routes file. You can define middleware as a parameter to the route, as a fluent method to the route, you can stack them up in a service provider. Validators can be made in controllers, Request objects, service providers, etc. You can send mail inline, through Mailable objects, through Notification objects, etc.

Everything is macroable, injectable, and definable in a million different places. Ultimate freedom!

Guess what happens when you give 50 developers of various seniority a swiss army knife?

One hammers in a screw with a nail file, the other clips the head from the screw using scissors, and you end up with an unworkable mess and blunt tools.

And don't get me started about Eloquent, the Active Record ORM. It's cute for the simple blog/article/author/comment queries, but starts choking when you want more selective and performant queries or more complex aggregates, and provides such an opaque apple-esque interface which lets people think everything is OK, when in reality it's forcing the SQL server to slowly commit suicide.

I like it when a boss is a Dev (or a former Dev). Makes them a bit more sympathetic towards us i think :)

I write code,
I am a writer.
I fight with bugs,
I am a fighter.
I optimise code,
to make it tighter.

Ok, rant incoming.
Dates. Frigging dates. Apparently we as a species are so bloody incompetent we cannot even decide on a one format for how to write today. No, instead we have one for every language and framework, because every moron thinks they know better how to write the date. All of them equivalent and all of them different enough to make me start lactating out of frustration trying to parse this garbage... And when you finally manage to parse it on one platform it turns out that your ORM just decided to use the less common version of the date, and have fun converting one to the other. I hope that ever time someone comes up with a new date format will be hit in a face with a red hot frying pan untill they give up programming in favour of growing cactuses.

The fact you’re older doesn’t give you the right to call other people’s 8-months’ engineering effort “shit work”, especially if you didn’t even see the code...

Sincerely,
Your tech lead - me :)

"SEO optimization"
Ever read what the "O" in SEO stands for, Einstein?

was reading an article about how good Firefox is on Chrome. Chrome crashed 😐

just scheduled my 🙂📘 account for deletion and they just sent me this mail.

The fuck is with all the <BR>s ?

Stack Overflow documentation is gonna be awesome in a few years...

So I found this sticker while cleaning my desk. Now my work laptop looks better

I recalled a seemingly simple task I took on.

We were building a booking system, and I had to figure out how to retrieve bookings by a certain date range.

Upfront, the tasked seemed simple until I realised I had to both figure out the logic and the SQL statements needed to retrieve all bookings within a certain date range in one query.

I ended up drawing a model to help me visualise the various date-range criteria to be satisfied. And used unit tests to help me think through each date range criterion and make sure they were accurate. Some were obviously from paranoia, but better to be safe than sorry...

After that, I had wrote down raw SQL directly into Sequel Pro first to make sure my query logic was accurate too, before translating into something the ORM equivalent. This was when I learned how to define and use variables in SQL. The variables were throw-away code; I just didn't want to have to hard-code the test date-ranges over and over again; minimise chances of spelling errors.

Needless to say, felt my problem-solving skills went up one level after this task. Saw my coding style and unit tests improve. And also the thought processes that go into how to maintain code quality...

Noisy collegues. Also the people who come to talk anytime.

in 1997 on this day, a boy was born
in 2018 on this day, he's ranting about it

what has the world become?

Morning: Boss decided he was changing all the table names, used a different ORM than we are used to, and implemented it in such a way that the connections stay open and live forever, and had ultimately destroyed half our existing codebase.
Midday: clients keep messaging saying that everything is broken, and rather than accepting that we are fixing it, they want an entire breakdown of exactly what is wrong.
Afternoon: clients still say things are broken even though they have been fixed - they keep sending month old screenshots, which is obvious because the entire interface has changed since then.
Conclusion: shouldn't have gone to work today.

/* secret devRant script */

let joke = "why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#"

//check if rant was posted recently
if ( !recentRants.find(joke) ) {
postRant(joke)
}

the new binary ++ count really got me. didn't realize it until after some time.

Would have been more evil if it were in octal.

The effort I put into git commit messages directly reflects my mood and level of tiredness.

When a programmer casts a spell...

My son is taking a nap and you know what that means - time to write some code!

Started using devRant a few days ago. I think I am getting addicted to it. Should I worry or is it normal ?

we have an exam tomorrow.
and we have to write java, ON PAPER

I love the skill requirements section of a junior Dev job advertisement.

To summarise "Basically you'll need all the skills and experience of a senior, but we are gonna pay you much much less". 😔

Yeah dude, if I'm wearing my headphones it means "do not disturb"

My mother is so ashamed of me.
she tells everybody that I'm a Drug dealer.

PHP Developer here.

Today we have a client visiting work. Dressing like a proper business person is mandatory 🙄

Height of Confidence.

Why the fuck someone write "used linux to speed up development" in your resume. But when you have to use it, questions like "where to download git for linux?" appears?

When someone comes to your desk and asks "did you get my slack message".... Which they sent 23 seconds ago 😒

Using Sololearn: feel like a pro.
Open Devrant: feel like a noob.

Giving functions exciting names so you can feel like a Bond villain while programming:

execute(); destroy(); fire(); isDead();

Shut Up Dirty Mind! I am learning React Native.

God this code is hideous

* git blame *

Ahhhh

*slowly back away from the computer*

I loved Java very much..
Then i started using it.

here's mine

When developers can't use Regex:

'Your credit card number cannot contain spaces'

ಠ_ಠ

*Writes a recursive function that works first time*

*Feels like programming God*

When you are in a hurry to make payment .. and some fucker has done this.

Expecting your client to be nice with you just because you are nice to them is like expecting lion not to eat you, because you don't eat lions.

when you type 'reboot' instead of 'adb reboot' and sit there wondering what happened

That moment when you change your mindset from "I'll probably leave the office by 6pm" to "I hope I'll leave before midnight"

GoodGuy BroCow
Senoir problem
2years back

Senoir dev was assigned to make a webapp for billing

Dude uses dreamviewer and writes code like a bitch

Phpmysqljqueryhtml whole thing mixed very badly and undocumented

His function name format fun_1()

a simple update cost him a day,

Told him to use brackets atleast and also a framework ,guy denies

Days go by

He learns a lot of stuffs from me ,like how to use inspect in chrome lol, how to use sqlite for small projects , and orm and frameworks.

He used to pin his mistakes on me, so that boss gets angry on me

Then i quit the job

2 years went by

Now he is unemployed, nobody wants a 24 year old plain php coder and template editing web developer

Anyway I hired him, he was my first senior, whatever he did,it didnt matter to me, bcoz i remember

the days we spent on the same hall right next to each other coding in php,

days we brainstormed to fix a div

Also the days we ate lunch and breakfast together

I wonder how much of my life I have spent waiting for 'npm install'

no more "btw I use Arch."
from now on, it's "btw I use Gentoo."

At last got mine! Thanks Devrant!

This is really creepy. Yesterday I was talking to my parents about buying a Thermosteel flask. Today I opened Amazon and this is what I see.. (attached pic)
I am pretty sure, I didn't looked for it even on Google.
It may be co-incidence but still..

I was working on a very database heavy PHP app about six months ago. All database access was done directly, with hardcoded SQL strings.
I'd suggested switching over to an ORM during the upcoming major verson's rewrite, and FINALLY got approval to start integrating one.
The next week I'm told that I need to trash all the code I'd just written, since the decision to use an orm has been reversed.

The rationale? According to management, ORMs aren't "scalable enough for our application" and would "reduce developer productivity". I pointed out that we would be processing ~10 concurrent operations, maximum; I was told that the technically details didn't matter and the person I was working under had the final say because they'd worked at IBM, briefly, as an intern.

I stopped working on that project about two weeks later, thankfully.

Hello (World)! Noob here. I installed devRant around 5 days ago. I just keep reading the rants and didn't created my account because i was not sure if i will stay here for long time coz most (cr-)apps are boring.

After 5 days:
I owe all of you a tons of '++'.

I want a boss like @Linux have. (i know tags work only in comments)

Gonna stay here till i stay in IT industry.(maybe)

finally!!! after loads of time (go Israeli post service) stickers are here!!!
thanks devRant

When I tell my relatives that I'm a backend developer. Then the image they have in mind is...

So almost burst a vein today because of a teacher who kept telling us that the .NET orm , Entity framework , loaded the whole database in memory at a context's instantiation , i thought that's kind of stupid thing for an ORM today,considering the hit on performance and memory consumption with large DBs, and asked her to argument why they would adopt such an approach , at the end she said it worked like that and that me saying it's inconvenient is just my stupid opinion . when i looked it up on the internet i couldn't for the life of me find any mention of that behavior and that she was completely WRONG !! i fucking hate this dumbshit university am going to , anyone looking for an intern trying to escape dumb fucks ?

"A comment isn't needed if the name is good and the responsibility is clear" - M.Howell

My most satisfying bug fix?

I found a core concurrency issue in this gnarly homegrown ORM and reported it to the lead devs, who (very defensively, having written the damn thing) argued that it would never pop up in a prod environment and I was stupid for even bringing it up. Theoretically, this bug could cause pretty much every foreign key to be assigned to the wrong parent, but only if multiple instances of the application were open/running at once. They were so certain it would never happen on live that they explicitly instructed me not to fix it. After all, this bug had been active for many years on a previous project and nobody complained.

Problem was, that previous project was something that only a single user had open most of the time (think: a manager). The new project was something that would be used by multiple people at the same time (think: all the employees). Once we released this new-project-with-old-orm, it didn't take long at all for our customers to start complaining.

After that, they let me fix the bug. :)

Once I didn't knew anything about coding or development.
Someone suggested me to start with Java.

Still looking for that Mada-foker.

Video call interviews are the best! You don’t even need trousers...

I wish I could do TDD on my life decisions

Rant!

Been working on 'MVP' features of a new product for the past 14 months. Customer has no f**king clue on how to design for performance. An uncomfortable amount of faith was placed on the ORM (ORMs are not bad as long as you know what you are doing) and the magic that the current framework provides. (Again, magic is good so long as you understand what happens behind the smoke and mirrors - but f**k all that... coz hey, productivity, right?). Customer was so focussed on features that no one ever thought of giving any attention to subtler things like 'hey, my transaction is doing a gazillion joins across trizillion tables while making a million calls to the db - maybe I should put more f**king thought into my design.' We foresaw performance and concurrency issues and raised them way ahead of the release. How did the customer respond? By hiring a performance tester. Fair enough - but what did that translate into? Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Hiring a perf tester doesn't automagically fix issues. The perf tester did not have a stable environment, a stable build or anything that is required to do a test with meaningful results. As the release date approached, the customer launched a pilot and things started failing spectacularly with the system not able to support more than 15 concurrent users. WTF! (My 'I told you so' moment) Emails started flying in all directions and the hunt for the scapegoat was on (I'm a sucker for CYA so I was covered). People started pointing in all directions but no one bothered to take a step back and understand what was causing the issues. Numero uno reason for transaction failure was deadlocks. We were using a proprietary DB with kickass tooling. No one bothered to use the tooling to understand what was the resource in contention let alone how to fix the contention. Absolute panic - its like they just froze. Debugging shit and doing the same thing again and again just so that management knew they were upto something. Most of the indexes had a fragmentation of 99.8% - I shit you not. Anywho, we now have a 'war room' where the perf tester needs to script the entire project by tonight and come up with some numbers that will amount to nothing while we stay up and keep profiling the shit out of the application under load.

Lessons learnt - When you foresee a problem make a LOT of noise to get people to act upon it and not wait till it comes back and bites you in the ass. Better yet, try not to get into a team where people can't understand the implications of shitty design choices. War room my ass!

testing on prod

I'm sick of these careless motherfuckers everywhere.
I left laptop in class(in my bag on the table) to get lunch. when I got back, the bag was on the floor. I'm sure some careless fatherless motherfucker dropped it.
guess what, the laptop's broken and is not turning on.
The keyboard backlight, power and battery LEDs, and the fans are working, and I have no idea about the rest.

I really hope it's just something gone loose and nothing broken

Oh dear god no

Now this is true. Devrant changed me and now, after one of the devranters post I'm finally searching for a new job. Most of the time I was using PHP, but here I've seen lot of rants about laravel. Now I'm building a website with it and going to change my job. Thank you Devrant creators and community.

Instantly thought about new js framework name

few days ago, I challenged myself to use only windows for a month.
it was painful.
withing 48 hours, I switched back.

Programming on a train is always interesting. I expect a minimum of one dirty/confused look off a member of the public.

Thanks from England!

When people include the entire jQuery library to animate one single div 😑

Had to consume a soap webservice which spits out a XML of 5000 lines with ambiguous node names and a shitload of data that needs to be parsed.

Built a ORM model to hold all the data and I already built a Xmlparser which works like a boss.. untill now..

I've been debugging for 3 hours, cursing every God man ever made up. Swearing at my screen like a madman... but this particular set of nodes just didn't got saved properly to the DB...

Alright, so my ORM definition is fucked... nope... Alright, so my XmlParser is fucked... nope...

Whaaaaat the fuuuuck...

Oh wait, I've been checking the wrong table for hours....

Hooray for ambiguous tables because I followed the ambiguous structure.

I am going to get drunk now.

X

updates windows after not even booting into it for a month
*your pc will restart several times* oh okay

on third restart:
grub rescue>

Stack overflow was down..
I don't know why, but it developed some kind of respect for senior developers who don't had access to stack overflow in their time.

Curious did any of you have a specific reason to learn how to program?

I wanted to be involved in aerospace but realised I'd probably never be an Astronaut, but i could learn how to write the software that controls the spacecrafts!

made a Facebook app once that allowed users to submit their stories for a competition to win a tablet. The HTML form had no limit on length but ORM defaulted to 1000 characters in database, imagine the sourprise when we exported the data for the client at the end...

BuT wHy Do YoU uSe An ORM? YoU sHoUlD wRiTe RaW SQL fOr P e R f O r M a N c E

Alright lads here is the thing, have not been posting anything other than replies to things cuz I have been busy being miserable at school and dealing with work stuff.

Our manager left us back in February. Because she was leaving I decided that I wanted to try a different path and went on to become a programmer analyst for my institution, if anything I knew that it was going to be pretty boring work, but it came with nice monetary compensation and a foot in the door for other data science related jobs in the future. Thing is, the department head asked me to stay in the web technologies department because we had a lack of people there and hiring is hard as shit, we do not do remote jobs since our work usually requires a level of discretion and security. Thus I have been working in the web tech department since she left albeit with a different title since I aced the interview for the analyst position and the team there were more than happy to have me. I have done very few things for them, some reports here and there and mostly working directly with the DBA in some projects. One migration project would have costed my institution a total of 58k and we managed to save the cost by building the migration software ourselves.....honestly it was a fucking cake walk, if you had any doubts about the shaddyness of enterprise level applications regarding selling overpriced shit with different levels of complexity, keep them, enterprise is shaddy af indeed. But I digress.

I wrote the specification for the manager position along the previous manager, we had decided that the next candidate needed to be strong with development knowledge as well as other things as to properly understand and manage a software team, we made the academic requirement(fuck you, yes we did ask for academic requirements) to be either in the Computer Science/software engineering area or at least on the Business Administration side. We were willing to consider BA holders in exchange for having knowledge of the development process of different products and a complete understanding of what developers go through. NOT ONE SINGLE motherfucker was able to satisfy this, some of them were idiots that I knew from before that had ABSOLUTELY no business even considering applying to the position, the courage it took for some of these assholes to apply would have hurt their mothers, their God if they had one, and their country, they were just that fucking bad in their jobs as well as being overall shit people.

Then we had 1 candidate actually fall through the cracks enough to get an interview. My dude here was lying out of his ass through the interview process. According to him he had "lots of Laravel experience and experience managing Laravel projects" and mentioned repeatedly how it would be a technology that we should consider for our products. I was to interview him alongside the vice president of our institution due to the head of my department and the rest of the managers for I.T being on vacation leave all at the same bloody time.

Backstory before the interview:
Whilst I was going over the interview questions with the vice president literally offered me the job instead. I replied with honesty, reflecting how I did not originally wanted him but feeling that our institution was ready to settle on any candidate due to the lack of potentials. He was happy to do it since apparently both him and the HOD were expecting me to step up sooner or later. I was floored.

Regardless, out of kindness he wanted to go through the interview.
So, going back to the interview. As soon as the person in question referenced the framework I started to ask him about it, just simple questions, the first was "what are your thoughts on the Eloquent ORM? I am not too fond of it and want to know what you as a full time laravel dev think of it"
his reply: "I am sorry I am not too familiar with it, I don't know what that is" <--- I appreciated his honesty in this but thought it funny that someone would say that he was a Laravel developer whilst not knowing what an ORM was since you can't really get away from using it on the initial stages of learning about Laravel, maybe if one wanted to go through the hurdle of switching to something like doctrine...but even then, it was....odd.

So I met with the hod when he came back, he was stoked at the prospect of having me become the manager and I happily accepted the position. It will be hell, but I don't even need to hit the ground running since I have been the face of the department since ages. My team were ecstatic about it since we are all close friends and they have been following my directions without complaints(but the ocational eat a dick puto) for some time, we work well together and we are happy to finally have someone to stop the constant barrage that comes from people taking advantage of a missing manager.

Its gonna get good, its gonna get fun, and i am getting to see how shit goes.

Kiss for fucks sake! What the fuck of an ORM is Sequelize? How the fuck do I have to write a 50 line query json to get a query for a single object going, which doesn't work then because that shit peace of software has a bug that breaks findOne and forces you to use findAll and use the first and only hit?!

Well yes, I looked in your garbage SEO docs for that issue, but whenever I look for something specific I just end up on your optimized as hell querying for noobs doc page. FUCK YOU!

Seriously, you guys working with Sequelize saved me many hours. But fuck your fuckups! And ajfjekidjjskrhbdkaowbdjdkwobdnfie

2 years ago..

Me : How can i learn Java?
College Senior : Do some online courses.

*did a course for a month! Still not confident*

Me: it ain't working for me.
Senior: Do some project.

*Created an Android App under internship! Still not confident*

After wasting my 6 months on Java, i reached to the conclusion that: "Java Sucks" (at least for me)

No Offence!

Finally moving to new job. From monolith PHP dev, to nodejs.

My day:
5:30AM - 2yo son wakes me up, I send him back to his bed
6AM - wakes me up again, gotta grab a coffee
7:30AM - leaving towards the office
8:30AM - finally arriving to the office, after horrible traffic.
*continue working on major schema change I started yesterday*
12:30PM - Lunch + Beer
1:30PM - Tequila time!
*back to work*
7:30PM - Finally done with coding, leaving the office
8PM - home at last
9:30PM - Beer time
9:31PM - "I'll just write a couple of more lines"
12:30AM - "That's it, no more code for today"
12:31AM - "I'll just scroll through devRant"

If I made £1 for every new JavaScript framework that came out, i would never need to work again.

Are any of you guys sentimental about your early programming efforts? I still have my first few simple Python programs on my computer, from years ago!

print("hello world")

List of shit my superior said and wrote in the project:

1. Prefer to write "pure" SQL statement rather than ORM to handle basic CRUD ops.

2. Mixing frontend and backend data transformation.

3. Dump validation, data transformation, DB update in one fucking single function.

4. Calculate the datetime manually instead of using library like momentjs or Carbon.

5. No version control until I requested it. Even with vcs, I still have to fucking FTP into the staging and upload file one by one because they don't use SSH (wtf you tell me you don't know basic unix command?)

6. Don't care about efficiency, just loop through thousands of record for every columns in the table. An O(n) ops becomes O(n * m)

7. 6MB for loading a fucking webpage are you kidding me?

Now you telling me you want to make it into AJAX so it'll response faster? #kthxbye

Client: "documentation, oh you mean those grey texts the previous code guy wrote on the code files"

Me: I kinda need more than "grey texts on the code files" if you want me to actually fix the system and implement the new specs.

Client: oh you mean the Microsoft asp books

Me: It's a Laravel system sir, it's php not asp.net

Client: what are those?

Me:.................

I'm having a strong urge to kill that asshole that asked me, on a SECOND interview for a SENIOR position if I knew what ORM was!!!
Are you making me fucking waste my time you fucking cunt???
Did you fucking read my CV?
Obviously not because you would have seen several ORM technologies on it you fucking piece of shit.

You made me waste my time, and now I have no choice but to slice your fucking throat!

I'll be waiting for you, in the dark you mother fucker.

left the office early today to see my 2 years old son before he goes to bed.
it's 11pm and I'm working from home, gonna wake up around 5:30am to commute to work.
I really need to move closer to work

PyCharm (and other IntelliJ based stuff), because it's second to none.

We liked your portfolio work, but could you please show us an example of a Fibonacci sequence

ಠ_ಠ

Bank holiday weekend setup...

changed the bgcolor in my devRant avatar.
now every time I see myself in here, I think it's someone else and even try to ++.

My last company had a code base originating in the 90's and they still write most parts of the GUI with a library that is a thin layer on top of Win32 API, with a self-rolled "ORM" for DB access (with LOTS of enums) and all that with >2million lines of C++ code. The code includes at least two implementations of std vector and std:list. One of which is even *named* std::vector. Feels good remembering that I have left that behind

Porn is Ok. I have to open incognito for my Dev Queries.

I think I can learn English here.
HAHAHA
I can also learn professional knowledge.

**I am a Korean.**

And...
Succeed!
Android studio AVD powered pictures

Again someone testing in Prod

I had once an sql error that took me two days to resolve it.
The error message was a syntax error but I was using an ORM to write my queries (doctrine with php) .I didn't have too much to debug as the code was pretty simple and clear so I got to the point that I convinced myself that this a bug and I'm gonna try to mess around it to avoid it.

Second day late night, something popped up in my mind '' hey what about those reserved words? Could it be the reason? '' aaaaand BINGO the key '' option '' is a fucking reserved word for mysql.

Tip : always check that list before writing your data models (specially if you're a noob like me)

fear that updates might break your system?
# cd /
# git init
# git add .
# git commit -m "restore point 1"

if an update fucks up, git reset. profit?

First month of project we suggest that we test that Entity Framework has made reasonable DB queries because the system will need to handle a lot of records. “Not a priority in this sprint because we need features.” Devs try to get it into every sprint. The last week of the project they want us to dump in a ton of records so they can test it. The N+1 SELECT query issue is on main queries. It is so bad and slow with more records that a simple query causes the container management to auto scale the application on a single query. They can have max 8 users in the system at a time and it will take 10 seconds to do a simple page refresh.

They get on our case and we dredge up all of the correspondence where they completely ignored our advice. Fix it now! We need another sprint. Fix it free! No.

on one hand- got a new job, on the other hand getting a new MacBook pro just before they release a new generation

devRant is great. It's like Yik Yak but for things I can relate to!

Cosmonaut is a simple and lightweight ORM for CosmosDB.

Every time I think I've seen the worst there's someone to prove me wrong...

GRANT ALL ON ALL TABLES/SEQUENCES
To web user on production

if (x == 1) y = 1;
else y = x;

loop through a collection and get 'few' relations using ORM - 1000s of queries and not a single join - but don't worry, "The ITs will just add more RAM and some CPU cores to the server"

4th day off and I already miss this

> finds awesome front-end design software
> build a decent layout
> adds Phalcon stuff (started to use that a few days ago, works really nicely, just don't like the ORM as much as Propel2)
> software can no longer display the site layout properly

FML

Me: listening to music with CMUS

friend: omg! are you hacking?

Day after Tomorrow will be my first day at my first job.

Any advice ??

Tough decisions of life...

When you apply HTML tags to the real world senario...

Do you guys ever feel like you lose the ability to be objective about your own work. I've looked at my website for so long now, I don't know if I think it's good or not...

Man collapses in the street, his wife "help, we need a doctor".

Dev speaks up "I did recently move to a standing desk"

It is time for my own dumbass's favorite pastime: not letting go on retro tech.

I am gonna build a small and complete RESTful web API with Vbscript and Classic ASP with errrthing thrown in this mfker including JWT authentication and i am gonna see how the idea of an ORM goes. I know that COM interop was a thing, dunno if it still is.

I am fucking bored. The graduate degree is killing me and I need a distraction.

Thinking about being a purist and keeping the COM libraries to be made with VB.NET :P

Fuck yeah for being a masochistic retard.

I legit love vb net tho

It was our first session for FOSS Lab(a paper we had in 4th semester).
our teacher introduced us to the linux terminal, basic commands like ls, cd, touch, chmod etc. and asked us to write a shell script to append ".old" to all file names in the directory, he also warned us about running the script in home directory.

we all started doing what we could.
my friend who was sitting next to me:

*opens terminal*
~$ touch script.sh
~$ nano script.sh
*writes his script that puts a .old extension to every file/directory in the current directory*

~$ chmod +x script.sh
~$ ./script.sh

me seeing this: 🤦‍♂️
plot twist: this guy is actually pretty good with linux

<opinion>
You may be a prod ninja but I believe that every dev should have a decent level of exposure with a low level language(s). Sure you can make an HTTP server, do a sentimental analysis, topic modeling, set up multinode clusters, write ORM queries from dbs and all sorts of awesome stuffs with Python/Ruby/PHP/JS/GO etc but none of them teaches you what happens at kernel level. Things like memory leaks, threading, multiprocessing, memory allocations etc can only be better learnt from a low level language.
</opinion>

P.S. Not a C/C++ fanboy. I'm a python dev 😄

end semester exams are coming, so I decided to study (because I fucked up last time and don't want the same this time).

*5 minutes into studying*
my brain: hey, you heard about ArchLinux? they say it's cool. Let's install it.

why ? why brain, can't you fucking focus on something different for 5 fucking minutes ?

Eloquent is so fucking slow, my (dead) grandma queries faster. It takes the fucking double of time on a simple query with only one join for maybe ~200 rows... From now on I go fucking back to raw SQL in my Laravel projects. 😤

Our HR will contact you soon.

- become a system administrator (I am in final year rn )

- write a book (fiction)

Amen...

"If you can't fix the bug, bug the fix" said my friend pushing his commit into production

body {
overflow-x: hidden;
}

is a bit like trying to fix a broken arm by wearing a long sleeve shirt 😅

Copy-pasting 90% of our entities including logic and merging some - creating thousands of duplicated lines - and then creating views for those abnomalies just to speed up the ORM fetching which could have been done with a single join...

Took me some time to delete all of that fking shitty untested code full of bugs...

I discover last week Eloquent ORM.
A php database abstraction layer.
How to make things quickly! Great tools!

Good knowledge of ORM tools like web services and XML? Really?

I don't know why... But I cringe when somebody says "coding", "coder". Maybe it's because it's an Americanism...

These fuckin morons piss on the toilet seats. They should get potty training also. Chutiye Saale!

Are people using Vim doing it for the sake of it? Is there such a thing as a Vim hipster?

I mean, nano is just nicer 😇

Using Sequelize after years of using Entity Framework is like going from a space shuttle to a kite.

Well, this is not my cup of tea..

hunting bugs less than 24hrs. before delivery... OH JOY!!!

I remember the era when the first suggestion to every problem was:

REBOOT THE SYSTEM

better than beer? bug hunting with beer!

I might be pushing my 4 years old macbook pro too hard with 2 IDEs, 1 instance of datagrip, and tons of open browser tabs, all on 4gb of RAM..

*last call POST Breakup*

She : make a PROMISE, no CALLBACK!

Me: Got it.

*That's how it started*

I like this motto...

To all the people who complain about writing a delete or update query. Not to talk you down, but seriously. STOP WRITING RAW QUERIES AND USE AN ORM!

Hello fellow devs, how do you clear your mind when you cant make something work? I think most of you had this feeling like 'fuck that, creating from beggining will be easier'

The first 30 minutes of a working day often consist of me saying, "who broke this then?" Then a liberal use of git blame.

When I have to be responsible for shit that others do.

when the adb in your android studio is older than the adb provided by your distro and both versions are incompatible

npm install yarn

I feel guilty...

Service's like freelance and people per hour are a farce. It's just a constant race to the bottom price-wise.

'Yeah sure I can make you a blog website in 24 hours for £5'

in the last few days, created a web app for a college event. dunno if it's cool stuff, but I learned a lot of JS. Also learned a bit about Google Cloud and stuff

I once found a bug that I couldn't figure out from the code, so I started putting log statements that would print out the variables on screen (yes I have xDebug, but old habits die hard). Then the entire website didn't load anymore and eventually the entire container crashed.

It took me an hour to realize I was trying to var_dump an object from the ORM, resulting in a memory overload since there were like 20 related objects that recursively tried to load all the data in the database.

In my defense, it was friday afternoon...

I fucking HATE ORMs. Fuck this bullshit, they always have some use case that is stupidly difficult or obscure that no one knows how to deal with because the creators didn't think of the one thing I want to fucking do.

Screw this bullshit, homebrew SQL is ALWAYS the way to go; I've never encountered an ORM that didn't turn in to a troubleshooting, dialect-learning timesink.

I love how our industry has invented such important sounding yet meaningless job titles...

Developer, software engineer, software architect, developer evangelist, dev ops engineer, systems analyst, quality assurance engineer, code monkey...

whats your biggest aha-experience learning about programming? mine was probably finally realizing what an orm does and how it eliminates your need need to write sql manually

Desk fans whirling. Sweating co-workers. An extra short stand-up.

That's right, the English summer has arrived.

Age+=1

First time, I am this far from home on my B'day. But atleast I am with my friends and these fuckers wrote "Antarvasna writer" on my cake.

My manager always tell that we're less process oriented and self sufficient.

Later on, I understand what that means
- Poorly written JIRA tickets
- JIRA tickets with only title, rest for you to fill
- Two teams did same task, client side team pushing their change directly on master, while mine still waiting on code review will eventually get rejected
- Client writing raw SQL in ORM framework instead of using any single feature of ORM.

so, my friend was telling me, his ex texted him and asked, I'm quoting,
'How to install numpy and pandas in python?'

she wanted to try machine learning !!

When a university student approaches you, to do their coursework for them! 😡😓

I think I need to work a little to rest from my family vacation

During my internship, I fixed a bug in android app related to user data updation..

BUT I didn't knew it's root cause and I have no idea how I fixed it.
Also, it was satisfying.

Python file truncate instead of actually deleting file contents...
there goes a weekend of log backups.. FML

developer oriented saas? well yeah, you could've at least develop a decent SDK for one language, or just let people send JSON payloads instead of XMLs..a**holes

I've been working with JS for the past few days.
before that I had zero or very little knowledge in JS and I haven't done anything with it either.
today I got this mail. (haven't gotten anything like this before)

Brewmaster.
I've been brewing my own beer for about 6 months now and super positive feedback keeps on coming :)

The lead developer is away this week, what will I do if somebody asks me for a deadline 😰

11:30AM is NOT the best time to vacuum around here!!!!

Playing around with a POC I'm doing for work, and it works so well I got an IP ban from one of my favorite websites for a massive amount of requests they got from me

Created a docker stack that can run on a swarm, tried out an actor system framework with a really nice message passing interface, used a web server framework built on that actor framework, used a really cool ORM that relies heavily on code generation, did some experimenting with Alpine Linux, and re-learned for the 100th time how to deal with CORS

Two senior developers were baffled at why their Web application built using sql server wouldn't just instantly work using sqlite... The Web application uses some pretty advanced queries and ORM.

When your VP Engineer says we DONT NEED AN ORM.

Raw sql queries are just fine and he even can help with that!!

It's only monday.

Just spent a lot of time on custom building an Ubuntu docker container, and forgot to save the image before I accidentally reset the whole thing to blank

my friend turned on remote sharing on his computer. I knew his password, so I logged in to his computer and ran :(){:|: &};: on it.
should have seen the look on his face

Writing a design document.

to all the motherfucking piece of shit dick sucking websites out there who won't let people delete their accounts, fuck you. go rot in hell you shit eating piece of shits

I fucking hate people who uses complex words to describe something simple.

Describing a frame work

Show-off : "..you can define what objects/tables to expose, what values in that object you want to expose...if you are using some orm, then because you have models defined. Once you update your model, your endpoints get the new model..."
Simpleton : "something like parse..."

Wtf is 'fixedUUID'?

Show-off: "..hardcoded UUID is fixed (constant) value, with format of UUID, hardcoded UUID will be unique value between backend and frontend,
you will need to store it as constant value in your codebase ( we may encrypt/ decrypt it for security reasons)..."
Simpleton : "a secret password only u & I know"

--why whyyyyyyyyyy

thought about giving React Native a try (I'm new to nodejs too).

*Downloaded node-v8.11-blah-blah.tar.xz (the LTS version)
*Installed it
*installed the react-native stuff with npm
*created a small app
*npm start

wild warning appears saying I'm using npm 5.6.0 and it has bugs and to use the latest one.

*downloaded more recent node-v9.11-blah-blah.tar.xz
*installed it
*tried again (npm start)

same wild warning again

so, it wants me to use the nightly versions ?
wtf ?