Girl: "hey"

My Brain:
java.lang.NullPointerException:
at net.brain.functions.Talk.retrieveSpeech(Talk.java:2978)
at net.brain.functions.Talk.createFlirtyResponse(Talk.java:3132)

Me: null

*Girl walks away*

New for avatars - emotions! You can now change your facial expression on your avatar to better capture your dev mood! Getting expressions working right turned out to be quite the undertaking due to the ripple effect of the various layers that each expression touched so our total layers just for men ballooned out from 300 layers to 1100. And @dfox re-architecting how layers work to handle the interconnectedness of expression meant tying together facial expression, skin tone, facial hair, and hair color to make sure everything stays in sync. It’s a fun new addition, I hope everyone enjoys!

I also want to apologize for the delay in getting this out, I meant to have this done ages ago but I got thrown a curveball at work and was laid off back in April and have been super stressed running around trying to find a new job for the past 3 months. I figured I’d have more free time to work on devRant, but hunting for work is so exhausting, it’s really taken its toll emotionally and financially (no unemployment benefits because according to my state even though we lose money every month “you’re still a corporate officer”). Things are finally looking promising on the job search front, and I expect once things get back to normal @dfox and I can get our release velocity back up, but until then, please bear with me.

P.S. If you have the resources, we certainly do appreciate your support with devRant++ Your monthly contributions really do make a difference! Thanks all!

My friend sent this to me this morning lmao.

Tell me if it's a repost.

Loving the class name for this div on South West Trains 404 page.

My friend just ordered some fries, and this is his receipt.

Me at the office, Boss calling me by phone..

Boss: Hi, I need a new Build of XX Android app for another client.. set the base address at x.x.x.x and send me an APK file

Me: OK, I will do it.

Boss: can you do it in 5 minutes?

Me: Sure, it's simple..

Android Studio: You think it's simple !
* Indexing Files
* Sync Project
* Gradle Build
* Indexing....
* Some f* tasks

Oh kill me now !!

I wrote a Student Information system for my midterm project back in 94 written in Clipper and runs on MS-DOS.

I demoed & explained to the panel of professors how it tracks enrollments, payments, class schedules, grades and attendance of each and every student. Has user authentication, auditing and reporting functionalities.
It has a lite version also written in Clipper that can be installed on a Professor's laptop so that he/she can update records even at home, and would be able to sync with the db at school via a BBS. Telix for DOS (self-taught) was my choice for the BBS as it was shareware, has built-in Zmodem support and comes with it's own programming language called SALT (Script Application Language for Telix) that can be used for automating tasks. The lite version of my project would dump the updates on an ASCII file, compress the file using PKZIP, use the laptop's modem to dial-up the number to the school's BBS and send the file across using Zmodem protocol.
The main version would then download the file(s) from the BBS and proceed to do a sync.

After the doing the demo and answering all their questions the panel asked me to wait outside the room, called me back in after 15mins and told me that I don't have to attend that class for the remainder of the term. The happiness as the my classmates outside of the room gawked at me felt like King Midas himself gave my balls his golden touch.

Then in 97, 2yrs after I graduated, I accompanied my cousins to a different campus of the same school for their enrollment and right there on the bottom of the screen were my initials on a very very familiar UI! They actually used, and were still using, my school project. Needless to say my cousins didn't believe that it was written by me.

If this is a duplicate, do let me know.
Source: shitheadsteve

Fixing family / friends technical problems, episode 2.

Problem: "I lost my iPhone, I know there's a thing that lets you find it. Can you help?"

Debugging:

Me: sure, it's called "find my iPhone"

Friend: ah yes that's it. How do I use it?

Me: I'll show you, just login here and ... oh you didn't set it up?

Friend: Probably not, I don't know much about this computer stuff.

Me: ... when you setup your phone for the first time, it's a full screen thing that says "do you want us to locate your phone if it's lost. Yes / No". It's hardly writing an encryption algorithm now is it?

Friend: no it's not, but still I just didn't know. I probably clicked no for everything.

Me: ... says here you clicked yes for iCould ... and yes for photo sync ... so you read the one about your pictures but not about lost or stolen property ... nice.

Friend: ... so you can't find it then.

Me: No, natural selection took it away from you.

Friend: oh **** off.

Amazon's sync symbol! 😂

A designer made a loader animation for me to use in the app.

When I finished implementing it, he said it was "too fast".

So I asked him for the fps. He said what's an fps?

I asked him what's the duration of the animation then?... Him: Idk

So I raged and showed him that the fucking software he uses has all the info I needed. It was 15fps animation, and he gave all the frames. So simple math, and there it is...

But still, it was "too fast"

So I asked him to play my implementation and his side by side. It was in sync.

So he's like "yeah it's still too fast, I only draw it this fast for better quality"

I told him it's staying the way it is, and he can go learn how to use his tools properly.

"Aah, time to make a new Android app"
*starts Android Studio*
AS: "Yo yo yo, before you proceed, update all these 512 things in your SDK"
*creates a new Activity*
AS: "Nuh uh, this shit won't work without this, install it"
*runs app on emulator*
AS: "Hoooold your horses, you need to install this, and this, and update this and this.. oh and also that"
*emulator finally runs, app crashes*
AS: "Ohh, ha ha, oopsies, your Gradle config is also screwed up, change every dependency to the newest version and then update them all"
*config finally done, runs again*
AS: "Umm, I am too lazy to sync it myself, so you must press the nice big button on top to sync it"
"Fuck this"
*closes Android Studio*
AS: "WAAAIT WAIT, before you go, a new Android update just showed up, you must upd..."
*alt+f4*

I have this old lady that I help from time to time with her computer issues.

She is nice, so I feel compelled to help her.

Get a call one day.

Lady : "hello, my internet and email isn't working, I've tried everything, could you maybe help me?"

Me : "Sure, ill come over after work and check it out"

*arrive at her house*

Lady : "you see, none of the web pages load, and my email refuses to sync. Should I call (insert isp name), or can you fix it?"

Me : I'm sure I can get it, gimme a sec.

*find the issue in a sec or two, dunno how to tell her about it, she isn't totally stupid*

Me : "Uhh, I don't know if you checked, but the ether.. internet cable isn't plugged in"

Lady : *realizes the wtf moment I'm having, obviously feeling very stupid*

Me : "Don't worry, happens to the best of us"

Obviously I lied a little, most of us would probably check the damn cable. Sometimes is just better to make people not feel like its their fault. People learn better when they don't feel like something is making a fool of them.

I have helped this lady with so many things that are just straight out of this world.

The one time she tried emailing 37mb tiff files over her 315kbps network.

Another time she said her email was not syncing, so I went to her house and clicked the "sync" button.

She even once phoned me to get their wifi password.

I just like helping her, somehow it makes me feel as if we all have something to learn.

Friend: Can you teach me to code??

Me: Hell yes, bout time you came to your senses.

Friend pulls out iPad: Okay, lesson one!

Me: Did you actually just pull out an iPad? Get a fucking computer or laptop!

I finally built a new PC with 8GB memory, i7 4790K and SSD for OS.

My old system was a core2duo with 2GB memory. Android studio used to take 20mins for gradle sync and another 20min for signing apks. "Live preview" and "emulator" was a thing of the future for me. Never used it.

But now things have changed. This thing boots up in less than 5 sec and studio gradle takes less than 30sec. I'm so happy right now! Its like a dream come true! *cries in happiness*

Story.
Did you know logging into chrome will auto sync all your fucking bookmarks to that other person's account??
I DIDN'T!!
(I use Firefox mainly and chromium for testing.)
I use chrome only for porn. Got shit tons of bookmarks. I login to my friend's sister Gmail on my chrome(for remote desktop - to help fix her computer. Somehow,remote desktop doesn't work on chromium)
Was browsing her pc via remote session and suddenly all of my porn bookmarks appear at the top bar.)
Had to manually select each bookmark in the bookmark manager and delete since CTRL+A won't work during the remote session. Don't know why.
FML.

Just installed Kubuntu on my netbook.

KDE Connect 💕

I can be lazy now and control my netbook from my phone 😊
Also notification sync, file sharing etc!

This is just my token of appreciation for the Skype devs. Can't begin to say how much I hate it. Your android app is a joke even after a host of updates, your desktop client is an even bigger joke (atleast Linux Beta version, I know betas aren't supposed to be stable but this is ridiculous).

You have reinvented chat clients to be extremely bulky, cumbersome and very hard to sync across devices. And you have managed to make it "buffer" more than a YouTube video does on a 2G network. I for one, am blown over by how you did that. And to top it all, you can't close the client on Linux atleast! All you did is just override the close button so that it only minimises it. Brilliant piece of work right there!

Why the hell can't you just close the client and run it in the background the proper way like everyone else does? Why does it have to take 20 *** seconds to open a message? The only reason I am stuck with this is some wierdos in the office still only use this. Get your shit together 😡

Ahh.. I feel much better now.

I like my fries how I like my passwords... salted :)

Just had a massive clear out of useless tabs i had open. its been so long since I've seen blank space in my tab bar :')

Had this with a relative. His laptop wasn't turning on, with or without charger so he brought it back to the store to fix it. It ran elementary os by the way (detail for later). Then he got it back after a week and we booted it and it had windows 8 installed (wtf indeed). So we called the service desk to ask about it since the issue was a broken charger (!!!). Their reply: oh yeah there was a weird system installed on it so we thought we'd reset it as well for you.

SERIOUSLY, THAT'S NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB!!

He is not tech savvy and he didn't know much about backups so that was literally about one year of work GONE. Yeah, I setup a cloud backup sync thingy for him right after that.

Me *shows friend website hosted on Ubuntu VPS*

Friend: You using UBLUNTOOTH?

Me: Excuse me? This is going on devRant.

I've been secretly adding easter eggs into all my html5 creatives 💀

Trello nailed the changelog with their offline sync update
(Yeah the rewrote the whole song)

FUCK!!! FUCK IT ALL. FUCK YOU AND YOUR CRAPPY BULLSHT UNDOCUMENTED AND OUTDATED API.

YOUR DATABASE SERVER BACK-END HAS TO BE THE ONE MANAGING THE DISPLAY DATA FOR ITS WEB AND MOBILE CLIENTS. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND, DAMN IT.

I'M NOT GONNA SIT HERE ALL DAY HARD-CODING ALL YOUR SERVER'S INADEQUACY.

MAKES ME WONDER DO YOU EVER USE DESIGN PATTERNS OR APPLY DESIGN PRINCIPLES? DRY AT LEAST? DON'T FUCKING REPEAT YOURSELF, DAMN IT.

I CAN'T WAIT TO LEAVE THIS PLACE FOR GOOD.

Bought a second hand e-reader and now importing nearly 1k of PDF files into Calibre's library.

Its taking huge amounts of ram and my laptop started freezing.

~$ nano clean.sh

while :
do
sudo sync; echo 3 > /proc/sys/vm/drop_caches
done

~$ chmod +x clean.sh
~$ ./clean.sh

👌

Felt like sharing this, even if Windows updates are so overly talked about.

When you are programming and you press some random keybind and you spend the next hour trying to figure out what you did 😐

*Adds new dependency*

Me: *Pray while syncing*

*Gradle project sync in progress*

*Gradle build finished in 9s 211ms*

Me: Thank you, Lord

Yesterday the web site started logging an exception “A task was canceled” when making a http call using the .Net HTTPClient class (site calling a REST service).

Emails back n’ forth ..blaming the database…blaming the network..then a senior web developer blamed the logging (the system I’m responsible for).

Under the hood, the logger is sending the exception data to another REST service (which sends emails, generates reports etc.) which I had to quickly re-direct the discussion because if we’re seeing the exception email, the logging didn’t cause the exception, it’s just reporting it. Felt a little sad having to explain it to other IT professionals, but everyone seemed to agree and focused on the server resources.

Last night I get a call about the exceptions occurring again in much larger numbers (from 100 to over 5,000 within a few minutes). I log in, add myself to the large skype group chat going on just to catch the same senior web developer say …
“Here is the APM data that shows logging is causing the http tasks to get canceled.”

FRACK!

Me: “No, that data just shows the logging http traffic of the exception. The exception is occurring before any logging is executed. The task is either being canceled due to a network time out or IIS is running out of threads. The web site is failing to execute the http call to the REST service.”

Several other devs, DBAs, and network admins agree.

The errors only lasted a couple of minutes (exactly 2 minutes, which seemed odd), so everyone agrees to dig into the data further in the morning.

This morning I login to my computer to discover the error(s) occurred again at 6:20AM and an email from the senior web developer saying we (my mgr, her mgr, network admins, DBAs, etc) need to discuss changes to the logging system to prevent this problem from negatively affecting the customer experience...blah blah blah.

FRACKing female dog!

Good news is we never had the meeting. When the senior web dev manager came in, he cancelled the meeting.

Turned out to be a hiccup in a domain controller causing the servers to lose their connection to each other for 2 minutes (1-minute timeout, 1 minute to fully re-sync). The exact two-minute burst of errors explained (and proven via wireshark).

People and their petty office politics piss me off.

Do NOT I repeat do NOT git clone into an iCloud Synced folder then run yarn dev. iCloud tried to sync 30k files (maxed out all CPUs), MacBook got super hot almost caught blanket on fire.

Friend: "what is the answer to this question?"

Me: "${answer}"

Friend: "yes, what is the answer?"

Me: "my bad"

Me: `${answer} is the answer`

Friend: "thanks man"

Just saw a blue screen of death In the top of a taxi cab. Had no idea these kind of signs were running Windows. Why are so many companies buying licenses for Windows when they could so easily use Linux ?

Make a friend that can code...

Seriously guys it is getting lonely here 😐

sync meeting:
dev: damn, the tests failed again

bossman: let's blame it on the neutrinos hitting the mainframe which flips a digit and causing the tests to fail this time!

dev: ok ...!

If I ever develop a game:

if(username.startsWith("Xx") && username.endsWith("xX")) this.username = "XxNoneOfThisxX";

IPod didn't sync well on my Linux machines so decided to give windows - in a highly isolated environment disconnected from the Internet behind a firewall and sandbox - a shot with itunes.

- during the installation it wouldn't detect the fucking harddrive multiple times (genuine unlicensed copy) and after the 4-5th time it's random-fuckingly recognized out of fucking nowhere; I didn't change shit.
- crashes (blue screen and freezes) multiple times during the installation, multiple retries and suddenly it works(?!)
- it took about 10 minutes (!!!!!!!) to install 10+ drivers for an iPod and an external hdd:
Installing Apple iPod drivers... Done
Installing seagate drivers... Done
Installing apple iPod drivers... Done
Installing seagate drivers... Done
Installing Apple iPod drivers... Done
Installing seagate drivers... Done
Installing Apple iPod drivers... Done
Installing seagate drivers... Done
Installing Apple iPod drivers... Done

WHY INSTALL THOSE FUCKERS 5 FUCKING TIMES?!

- iTunes installation fails multiple times without error code (unknown error occured, restoring to original state...),just said fuck it and clicked the shortcut after the ***th fail and it works just like this, THANKS FOR NOTIFYING ME (NOT)!
- iTunes has to restore the entire ipod, this was done with iTunes in the store I bought it already, thanks for nothing.
-restore takes 30+ minutes?!
-syncs the iPod 3 times afterwards.

*clicks close button*
*are you sure you want to quit? Sync in progress*
*oh shit, cancels*
*itunes quits*
*?!?!?*

*tries to import media library*
*seagate hdd suddenly not detected*

I'm fucking tired of this bullshit, windows and iTunes can go die in a fucking corner after getting ass raped while their genitals are being scraped off layer by fucking layer and dipped into fucking acid.

Boss: We need health data for this iOS app.

Me: Cool, so we'll use apples HealthKit.

Boss: No that requires the user agrees to it.

Me: ... well yeah ... its private data.

Boss: No we need it to work regardless. If the user says no to HealthKit, just give them textfields for all the metrics HealthKit has and they can enter manually.

Me: .... but ... eh ....

Boss: and we'll partner with some companies and support their devices.

Me: ... see, the thing is ...

Boss: We also need to store it locally and then sync it to the cloud app. What do you think?

Me: ... ... ... no

Solving Errors:
Code it.
Doesn't do anything, no errors in console.
Try again.
Doesn't work.
*Realizes that you didn't call the function*
ffs

New semester, new problems....

Just started my 6th semester at uni and my teammates are already proving to be serious dumbfucks..

They want to keep all files neat and organized, sure, fine, good idea.
They want to use Dropbox to store code and our LaTeX report, no, never! Somehow managed to get them to switch to GitHub, yay!
They want to have everything in one fucking repo! Why? Oh god, why? And I can't change their mind on this!
And they still want to use Dropbox to have a backup and sync between their machines...

So during this semester, we will store our LaTeX report and the, at minimum, 3 code projects, in the same repo organized by folder!
Why not one project, one repo? Then I won't have to pull all the shit code that I don't have to work with!

Expect more rants in the coming months...

I was engaged as a contractor to help a major bank convert its servers from physical to virtual. It was 2010, when virtual was starting to eclipse physical. The consulting firm the bank hired to oversee the project had already decided that the conversions would be performed by a piece of software made by another company with whom the consulting firm was in bed.

I was brought in as a Linux expert, and told to, "make it work." The selected software, I found out without a lot of effort or exposure, eats shit. With whip cream. Part of the plan was to, "right-size" filesystems down to new desired sizes, and we found out that was one of the many things it could not do. Also, it required root SSH access to the server being converted. Just garbage.

I was very frustrated by the imposition of this terrible software, and started to butt heads with the consulting firm's project manager assigned to our team. Finally, during project planning meetings, I put together a P2V solution made with a customized Linux Rescue CD, perl, rsync, and LVM.

The selected software took about 45 minutes to do an initial conversion to the VM, and about 25 minutes to do a subsequent sync, which was part of the plan, for the final sync before cutover.

The tool I built took about 5 minutes to do the initial conversion, and about 30-45 seconds to do the final sync, and was able to satisfy every business requirement the selected software was unable to meet, and about which the consultants just shrugged.

The project manager got wind of this, and tried to get them to release my contract. He told management what I had built, against his instructions. They did not release my contract. They hired more people and assigned them to me to help build this tool.

They traveled to me and we refined it down to a simple portable ISO that remained in use as the default method for Linux for years after I left.

Fast forward to 2015. I'm interviewing for the position I have now, and one of the guys on the tech screen call says he worked for the same bank later and used that tool I wrote, and loved it. I think it was his endorsement that pushed me over and got me an offer for $15K more than I asked for.

When windows is so fucking bad, that the not responding box stops responding

I just realized why you should never help people with tech problems, at least for free.

I went to grab the rent from a family that lives in my grandma's childhood home.

The father asks me if I could have a look at their new internet connection because it doesn't open any pages on the browser.

After fiddling for about an hour and a half trying every trick in the book and gently explaining to his children how everything is supposed to work (kids need to learn how these machines work imho) I ask him to give me his service provider number and confirmed that indeed the problem was that the connection wasn't activated on their side. Installed chrome, set the date,/time because it wouldn't sync and told them twice how to get past the certificate problem should some page not open. Smiles all around, all is well.

Fast forward next to next morning and I get a call from the guy telling me his internet doesn't work because he pulled out the power cable for whatever reason. I instruct him to restart the router just to be sure and then ask him what's on the screen. Turns out it was the certificate problem. I try as best I can explaining and reminding him how to get past but he doesn't understand. He goes on asking me to "come over for 5minutes and have a look at it". I politely tell him that just the trip is half an hour and that I am currently in the middle of exams to finish university. His tone becomes increasingly passive aggressive as I tell him again that it's isn't possible for me to make the time for a one hour round trip at the moment. Hangs up with a grim "right right whatever you say."

First time I was genuinely angry at a person being both so ungrateful after helping them and not even trying to fix something after I took the time to explain it to them.

I only wanted to play...

MOTHERFUCK. FUCKING WINDOWS DID IT AGAIN TABARNAK!

Today, I was hoping to study some DB optimization for an exam tomorrow. How foolish of me to think that MOTHERFUCKING FUCKTARD WINDOWS WOULD NOT CHOOSE THIS EXACT MOMENT TO INSTALL THE FUCKING ANNIVERSARY UPDATE. Because it di. It took 2 hours to insert it's fucking update in my ass. FUCK.

I don't know why devs would choose to work for the devil, but for those who did create this update system, I HOPE YOU STEP ON LEGO BRICKS AND THAT YOUR AUDIO IS ALWAYS OUT OF SYNC WITH YOU VIDEO ON NETFLIX.

Got Ubuntu on my laptop for traveling 😁😁 Loving it, once I got Numix theme installed I loved it even more 😋
No one in my classes have ever heard about Linux or Ubuntu until they met me.

One word; Procrastination. I've learnt how to do it and I've learnt how to do it well.

!rant
Has anyone looked at the linux kernel 1.0?

I am amazed with this! And the comments are priceless

e.g:
tcp.c
/* I hope this returns what I want. */
return(~d+1);

buffer.c
* 14.02.92: changed it to sync dirty buffers a bit: better performance
* when the filesystem starts to get full of dirty blocks (I hope).
*/

So cool!!!!

Small random update regarding my ISP and how they call your speed if you use all of your data.

I actually sent them a small complaint (more of a suggestion but) that 256 Kbps is just too slow even for a capped penalty speed and that at least 1 Mbps so that the internet is still usable but still slow... And mother fucker if that isn't exactly what they did!

It's nice being able to sync my code and have more than 1 device connected to the wifi at once... It's a strange feeling when a company actually listens to feedback and takes measures on them...

They really need to improve the algorithm that is searching for things in Windows Explorer. Literally:

Windows: *Searching for files in Downloads*

Me: I just typed .mp4, what is taking so long!?

Windows: *No results.*

When you're looking for answers on Google and you come across that one thread that goes on forever; you read every last response. You finally reach the ended to see:

"Thread locked.

Issue Resolved."

You never found your answer.

!rant

I've written a software application for an enginnering company to help them sync their files between 3 different office locations. It's a Windows application that communicates with a server in one of the offices, and can either sync periodically or manually after a big data operation such as restoring from backups. I delivered it in January. This morning I recieved a feature request from their Director of IT for the start button to be made "more obvious", because apparently the big blue button marked "START", which is also the only button, is too confusing. These people are engineers.

Help me on my way towards the stress ball and I'll release a version with the button in bright neon pink.

Real talk, when you're explaining code do you say "equals equals" or just "equals"?

Dammit debug mode.

Friend: What is the worst feeling in the world.

Me:

Is Santa coming to your house? Use my "advanced" algorithm to find out.

Person kid = getKidByName("yourName");
FatGuy santa = new FatGuy("santa");

if(!kid.wasNaughty()){
System.out.println("Good child");
santa.sendGift(kid, "train");
return;
}
System.out.println("You're on the naughty list");
santa.sendGift(kid, "coal");

Is this just me?

if(..... expression.....){
System.out.println("it works, calm down");
} else{
System.out.println("it's not fucking working, holy fucckk, fucking WORK");
}

Tell me if you do something similar.

Finally, with iOS 11, now we can sync older conversations with new devices.... Thanks apple, it took 11 fucking versions to do this simple shit!

I remember a bad freelance experience.

It was a sophisticated mobile applications (many UI, many customization, many APIs to integrate with). since the client have many future freelance projects, I give him 3 weeks as estimation time, and one day per week I work on its place to evaluate the progress and sync our work.

I worked hard, the quality was excellent.. but he kept ask for "small" changes and "small" features.. at first it was OK, and I was planning to give him a good example to profit from his future projects.. but he toke advantage for that and the same app extended from 3 weeks to 2 months and more.. he barely added a little to the initial price..

So what I did? I uploaded the code to a private repository in Bitbucket, added him to the team.. I wrote few lines how to sign and publish the app.. aand disappeared.
his luck, I disappeared from the country, I immigrated to another country for best job opportunity.

Hey, just spent 9 hours on my computer. Just seeking validation, I'm not the only one right?

Let's think about it for a minute

If you have a iPhone 7 and the new macbook, the only way to sync between your two beloved device is to buy an adapter which costs $25 in the apple store.

Apple has truly lost their vision

When you trying to develop a site, you change some CSS, refresh the localhost and it doesn't update. You try changing that CSS value to something more noticeable to see if you're just imagining things. But no, it's your browser cache. Clear it.

My current project:

The database is google sheets maintained by a "data team". Basically data entry people are our DBAs.
There are no services, just a link to download everything in those sheets. The applications (mobile, web and windows) have to download everything anytime any user changes anything.

The front-end does all the db work, since the backend is shit! The front-end has it's own db, which is a well structured local db that we create fr the crappy data inserted in the sheets. The front-end sync up their changes locally, with no help from servers. The servers are just storage.

The only db on the servers is ONE table. That inserts a huge json file, everytime a user uploads their changes, along with a createdAt.

I'm on the Android app development, and the code was copied, litterally, from iOS code, and translated to java... from another similar project, then tweaked to work. No pattern is used what so ever, UI code and Business code are in one file. Like 1000 lines of code UI file.

We all talked about it. We all whined about how shitty it is. And don't get it wrong, the management did approve of refactoring. Which is what we did to the Android project (50% right now cleaned up). But the backend team are fucking pussies!

Company agreed to re-assign me once I'm done with some urgent tasks :)

That moment when you try showing an issue to your senior developer and gradle takes forever to build.

Clicks build...
Goes to get coffee.
Takes a sip.
*1500 sips later*
Gradle build still running...

awesome wm update - after fighting with netctl + networkmanager issues, I am done, well still a lot on my todo, but that's what I am happy with for today, without having to look up more lua stuff.

btw firefox sync sucks, since neither addon nor browser settings sync

I think the thumbnail sums it up nicely.

Two things before this all:
- I fucking love gitlab so far
- I miss the fuzzy searching from sublime text, as vsCode still can't do it properly..

I was fed up with all the shitty overbloated git deployment scripts, sync scripts, automatic backup solutions and hosted git servers out there, so now my own solution is:

- remote git cloned local files
- local files are synced via dropbox, to easily edit them on any device
- all changes and deleted files are saved up to 1 year on dropbox
- remote has gitlab running and webhooks setup
- the webhooks point to my node scripts, which then rebase the code to its dedicated dev server
- daily server backup with 7 days roll
- cold storage backup each 30 days

Sounds like overkill, but from my experience, you really can't have enough places that have a backup, especially coldstorage backups.

My goal in general though is to have everything on my computer backupped and ready to go asap, if something happens.

I wanted to just use a virtual machine for development stuff, but that wouldnt be able to run on my laptop, so I need a more general solution, where I sync all configs and all projects across. (and have some sort of basic list of tools needed, so I dont need to remember them)

Found for example something for vscode to sync its settings and plugins via any sort of git, will give it a try in near future too.

boss: wish there was a way to go back to older versions..
me: there is, it's called git, I can show you how to use it!
boss: nah we will just keep using the sync on Dreamweaver
me:....the fuck?!

Gotta love trying to sleep and waking up to a bright blue screen. Fucking Windows...

Tell me there aren't people doing this.

I hate time.

Yes, that dimension which unidirectionally rushes by and makes us miss deadlines.

Also yes, that object in most programming languages which chokes to death on formatting conversions, timezones, DST transitions and leap seconds.

But above all, I hate doing chronological things from the point of view of code, because it always involves scheduling and polling of some kind, through cron jobs and queues with workers.

When the web of actions dependent on predicted future and passed past events becomes complicated, the queries become heavy... and with slow queries, queues might lock or get delayed just a little bit...

So you start caching things in faster places, figure out ways to predict worker/thread priorities and improve scheduling algorithms.

But then you start worrying about cache warming and cascading, about hashing results and flushing data, about keeping all those truths in sync...

I had a nightmare last night.

I was a watchmaker, and I had to fix a giant ticking watch, forced to run like a mouse while poking at gears.

I fucking need a break. But time ticks on...

If you didn't think NodeJS dependency hell was that bad, you should try sequentially parsing a graph that's stored as an array of nodes and their references, where processing of said nodes forces you to use some async functions that depend on other async functions.

What should have been 20 lines of code written in 30 minutes has turned into 3 hours of horror, reading about babel, realizing that it's just adding more problems without solving one, assessing the effort of modification of async libraries to include sync methods as well, trying out asyncwait, async, and everything else there is, trying to rethink the recursive algorithm, rewriting it several times, cursing and hating myself for not choosing to use Python or .NET Core, screaming senselessly at my wife in a language as familiar to her as Klingon, crying in the bathroom, re-assessing my life choices, thinking whether it was a mistake to dedicate 10 years to this career, maybe I'm just not cut out for it since I can't handle this simple task, watching noose tying tutorials on youtube, thinking about my naked empty RPI that won't connect to the server any time soon.

Seriously. Why is it SO BAD?! Or is it just me?

I'm working on a project that integrates your Android phone with your PC. Stuff like file transfer, sending SMS and notification sync. I just had an idea for an awesome feature. Started researching and found that the Android API exposes exactly what I need. Full of motivation I started coding until I realized that the permission I need cannot be granted to third-party apps. Happened the second time. Fml

User: Hello, can you sync my printer to my laptop? I can't download anything to it.

Me: *facepalm* so much is wrong here...

FINALLY after 48 hours coding. 1000 lines of algorythms ....

Managed to sync video playback on 30 Machines, didnt go to work "sick".

All this for a side project.
Doesnt possibly work they said....

Found this from when I was developing a webpage.

I DID IT!!! just fucking installed lineage os <3 never imagined that it could be so complicated... they really don't want you to flash your phone man. I guess the main problem was that my phone is old x)

So I'm trying to get a clean and free environment, any advice about applications? My biggest problem is with telegram, I'll try wire, bit there is anything else that can replace telegram and on android and Linux? I mean I need to keep conversations sync, and I won't use a Chrome application TT so no signal.

Boss: some consultants worked on this feature extending some legacy code
Boss: it's 90% done
Boss: they used FTP. It uses iframes and we fired them when they couldn't get the frontend modules working in sync with the backend.
Me: git checkout -b herewegoagain
git diff-tree --no-commit-id --name-only -r 666w3wl4d
*copy output list of files to sublime text 3; select all lines; add to each:
gitk --follow [filename] > src/.notes/herewegoagain/[filename].diff
*examines....
Me: It's -10% done. you'll know I'm almost done when I enter the fugue state. You'll find me at this address. Give me this USB stick and a 4 pack of redbull and I'll do the merge.

String username = "Xx_thelegend27_xX";

final Pattern pattern = Pattern.compile("(xx|(_|))(?<username>\\w*)(_|(xx))", Pattern.CASE_INSENSITIVE);
final Matcher matcher = pattern.matcher(username);

if(matcher.matches()){
this.showError(String.format("Your username cannot be that... Try: %s", matcher.group("username")));
}else {
registerOrSomething();
}

*Me testing my api with vue.js*

Me: can you please update salesforce content and add new image.

Coworker: Done,image updated:

Me: did you click the sync button? Image seems to be not loading.

Co-worker: why don't you clear your browsing history and clear your cache.

Me: (talking to myself: you are asking me to clear my cache? ME? ME? ME?) Smiles back to coworker.

Co-worker: Did it work?

Me: Nope! Seems to it that you have not sync the content on salesforce. Please hit the sync button.

Co-worker: I did!

Me: I ask co-worker B he said content is not sync.

Just had a great convo with my friend who thinks arrays start at 1. My day's going great.

Kotlin support on Android:
i never liked Java, not because of the language but for the usual bad design implementations and Android is one of those.
Then Kotlin arrived, it looked very promising but it's when i looked at Coroutines that it simply blew my mind:
you just have to write your code and the Kotlin's compliler "magic" will do most of the boring/complex stuff for you and it's even great performance wise!
I even refactored inter-process calls to simple sync functions with few like of code and for a non-android developer like me it's just love at first sight!

Ok. FUCK MySQL Workbench.
Most of our products built on MySQL and we just had enough of the tools that we are using for our mysql databases...
We decided to make our own tool :)

If it goes well, we plan to open source it. Would you guys be interested in it?
We planned the following features:
1. Schema editing
2. Schema versioning
3. Update/downgrade script generation to move easily between schema versions
4. Manual/auto sync
5. Might include our own replication solution too...

What do you think?

For Java development, what IDE do you prefer and why (if there is reason)?

Rewrite of the sync api to REST.

Coworker: “hey, I know you’ve written and maintained our sync module for the past 4 years. Something I need to know? Some hints or knowledge you can share?”
Me: only thing you should not do is x and y. Otherwise you will face problems a and b.”
Coworker: “great, thanks a lot!”

2 months later...

Customer call: “da fuck are you doing? When I do stupid stuff then I face problem z and problem a!!!”

*me checking new code*

*me calling coworker*

Me: “WTF did you do? You asked for my advice and then did exactly what I told you NOT to do.”

Coworker: “oh, let me check the code..”

*coworker calls boss*

Coworker: “Boss, I can’t work with this guy, he starts fights all the time..”

*boss comes to my desk*

Boss: “I don’t want you to work on this anymore, people are complaining.”

Me: “what the fuck, I just asked him a question..”

~ 1 month later

coworker quits because he can’t handle all the bugs he caused and I have to maintain this piece of fucking retard code..

Is it really necessary to show an ad for the supporter program whenever I sync the feed? Wouldn't be once per hour or something enough?

I'll just leave this here.

(I deleted my last one due to a spelling error [I was on my phone])

Thanks everyone! devRant is such a great community and I am proud to be a part of it!

"Will update my Android app I" thought.
"Haven't updated it in 2 years and summer vacations are here so now's the time", I thought.
Opened Android Studio. It notified me of an update for the IDE. "I'll update it, because (stable) IDE updates are always good", I thought.
Then it notified me of updates to the SDK and libraries. "I'll update those too, because (stable) SDK and library updates are always good", I thought.
Then it notified me to update to the latest recommended version of Gradle. "I'll update that too, because (stable) Gradle updates are always good as they almost always reduce build time", I thought.
"Now I can finally get to updating my app", I thought. But no!
Gradle then tells me that the compileSdkVersion needs to be the latest, so I change it to 26. Done? Not so fast!
It then tells me that targetSdkVersion should match the compileSdkVersion or else some compatibility modes would apply, and I didn't want that, so I change it too to 26. Then it tells me that I would also need to update the support libraries to v26. I do that too. And then when I sync the project files with Gradle, what does it tell me? THAT IT FAILED TO RESOLVE ANY OF THE UPDATED LIBRARIES! Not even the initial version (26.0.0), neither it's alpha nor it's beta. Now I'm stuck searching on StackOverflow and elsewhere about updating the libraries and all, when I just really want to update my app :/
Can't this whole IDE, SDK, Gradle and library update process be automated, and that too in the background, so that I can do exactly what I really​ want to do rather than waste so much of my time on this nonsense?! If it can't, then I want to work on making that happen first before anything else. Because seriously, "This sucks! Why did I even update any of this?", is what I now think.

!dev

I'm doing some solo karaoking again but with some oldies that I haven't sung in probably 10-15 years. Not my usual song track.

And since I'm deaf, I can't hear the tune, just see the timed words. And just found it interesting the general tune can be recalled at first at all.

Then after a few times, I started remembering how some of the actual singers sound like. But still stumble a bit on some parts.

And then a few weeks. And I have another session and somehow I can pretty much lip sync it with all the emotions and almost perfectly I think.

I just found it strange and wanted to write this down somewhere while I still remember it. And I guess that's sorta the point. Feels like the mind/subconscious to remember things really well but recalling them at either the right moment or randomly....

Anyone else have similar experiences? Wanna share?

Friend: You haven't been programming all day have you? It's been 10 hours.

Me: pfft, I haven't been programming all day, I have a life;

For me, an application that's in 'Beta' is just a developer's excuse for bugs

*on phone*
Friend: I want to add 100 contacts to gmail how do I do that?
Me: Add those in excel sheet and import it in gmail

*after 10 mins another call*
Friend: I deleted something in excel. How do I get it back
Me: Ctrl Z

*after 10 mins another call*
Friend: I added contacts to excel and emailed to you. Can you email me contacts so that I'll add to my gmail?
Me; I don't have these powers. You have to import in gmail.

*after 5 mins another call*
Friend: I uploaded contacts but I want it in on my iPhone
Me: Add gmail account to your iPhone. It will sync contacts.
Friend: I know we can do it on Android but is it possible on iPhone bcz Gmail is of Google right?

*hang up*

So at the old job, i needed support for an issue relating to Amazon S3. We used a third party Python plugin for sending files to our buckets, but had some pretty severe performance issues when trying a 2-way sync.
Naturally, I sought help on StackOverflow, and was asked to share my config. Without much thought, I pasted the config file.
Next comment made me aware that our API id and key was listed in this config (pretty rediculous to keep such private info in the same file as configuration, but oh well).
I edited my question and removed the keys, and did not think about the fact that revisions are stored.

Two weeks later, my boss asks me if I know why the Amazon bill is for 25.000$ when it used to be <100$ 😳

I've never been so scared in my life. Luckily, Amazon was nice enough to waive the entire fee, and I leaned a little about protecting vital information

When you forget that you paused dropbox sync 2 days ago and the client starts questioning my progress, I remembered today - resumed sync and the client responded with "wow shit!" A little awkward..

Think of something more retarded than this:

boolean name = (getBoolean()) ? true : false;

Not only coding, but studying Computer Science has changed a lot in my life. For example, learning about CPU scheduling algorithms made me manage time for my personal tasks a lot better. Earlier I used to waste a lot of time by doing tasks in out of sync order. Also coding made me realize how dumb most people are!

Slowly getting better with RegEx problems! Warning, lots of non-computer linguistic geekiness ahead.

Been working on some functions recently to replicate the furigana (Chinese character annotation) functions available over at JP.SE in PHP for a project.

Managed to get the basic cases down fairly quick:

[Chinese character][reading] => <ruby><rb>Chinese Character</rb><rt>Reading</rt></ruby>

However I realized this evening that there are patterns where this repeats twice for one word, such as the following:

[Chinese Character][helper Japanese character(s)][Chinese Character][possibly optional word ending][reading for the whole thing]

Managed to get it working for both cases initially, but then I found out that adding a Japanese character to either of my test strings (see graphic) would cause the annotations to fall grossly out of sync. The next two hours disappeared pretty fast before discovering that the issue was that I was removing the wrong string length from the annotation string, and just happened to luck out with a test case where it worked the first time.

Probably going to do a code review of it with the intern next time he's in. One of the things I've been stressing to him lately is that however easy a task may be for a human, there are all kinds of extra things that need to be tracked in order for a computer to be able to follow your logic.

Make. Fucking. Backups...

I had to find a MailChimp sync plugin for a webshop and thought I found a good one that synced one way (webshop to MailChimp).

I figured, meh, what could go wrong? So I installed it, ran it...and somehow lost around 4000 mailinglist receipients because they were not in the webshop.

Turns out it adds the registered users in the webshop, but also removes entries that are not! Needless to say, I had some explaining to do and was only able to recover about 3000 addresses from a previously sent campaign.

Customer was not happy, neither was my boss, very important lesson learned...

What kind of trickery is this...?

I have a Yahoo app on my phone for some legacy purposes. I just allowed the storage access permissions when it was asking for it during the installation or something, cause like, who doesn't? I checked my Yahoo Mail on the browser tonight and saw copies of my mobile photos in it! It's through the Attach Icon > Insert animated GIF. WTF? So that's how you can easily get hacked from apps?

My internet provider is a fucking joke. Joke as in my internet is so garbage that it'd be better if I didn't have any internet at all.

When you're done a project for someone that took 3 weeks: so you ask them to pay, and they tell you they don't want it anymore. THE FUCK

Should I learn C++, or C#?

Discord or Slack? 🤔

Submitting a pull request seems a good way to end the week. That's what I love about (some) projects on GitHub; instead of just ranting about bugs or out-of-sync documentation, you can fix the problem and send a pull request upstream. :-)

Who else when they're coding or get a new app, immediately Google how to change to a dark theme?

You know you have chosen the wrong JS library when you read a function definition like this:

validateSync(schema, options, callback)

Android gradle sync failed

Ignore the official start/finish times. Instead, sync your office ours to that of someone in your team you respect.

TL/DR;
Worked as outsource where Scrum was misused. Please use it as a guide rather than law.

RANT;
Just remembered working as an outsourced programmer...

The Scrum master got us all... all of us... everyday... most people on Skype too... to update with our plans, issues etc.

So including the time trying to get everyone to sync up on Skype at around 9am, introductions, updates from EVERYONE... back and forth suggestions... I'd be starting near midday.

The task was related to making a tile based menu system that was populated with items from a backend... On paper, I only really needed to talk to the 1 artist and the 1 backend guy to understand the request / responses.
But even the art assets were arbitrary sizes... untileable... at the time they even had to be power of two too... My god, getting them changed was a nightmare...

In the end I was too slow for them.
Gladly.

No boss at all 😎

What do you guys search to find a good playlist while programming?

I recently got into an argument with some people, and I want your opinion. I did a speed code in Java (just sped up clip of programming, because it looks cool lol), and someone commented:

"Way too much static abuse here. Jesus"

In which I replied:

"Actually, sir. There is near none at all, just because I use static methods does not make it static abuse. A static method belongs to the class, and is somewhat permanent. It is not a type (instance, cat, dog, animal, etc.) class, it is a Utility class, much like other dependencies you'd use are Utilities and not types."

To which they reply:

"Getting and setting is a Utility?"

Boi. If it is a static variable, yes. Like, what?

Linux software RAID and LVM are pretty powerful.

Bought a new server case for my home file server / VM host. 3U with 16 hotswap bays. Had 2x software RAID1 mirrors already with everything on them. Inserted 2 new disks with system running. Created new RAID10 array using these, with their mirrors as "missing".

Created new physical volume. Extended volume group into it, then used pvmove to transfer every logical volume across. Shrunk volume group to no longer use the old RAID1 array, disassembled that array, added its disks to the new array... Now just waiting for the mirror disks to sync up.

All this, with the system and several VMs still running.

And with a backup, of course ;)

I'll be this guy.

Well, why can't I sync my stack overflow points to devrant. :P

Make change
Close Visual Studio for the night
Open Visual Studio
Commit
Close Visual Studio for the night
Open Visual Studio
Sync with Bitbucket
Close Visual Studio for the night

When Microsoft buys GitHub, but they can't steal your code because your code has been uploaded obfuscated.

*I am sorry for mentioning Microsoft and/or GitHub, it is quite repetitive*

Recently made a sub 750 euro in home server with raid 1, to back up all pc's laptops and smartphones in the house to. Never been better!

Using a simple little daily backup tool on all pc's, and another app to sync 2 way to my phone, i was able to have all my data safe on that home server.

It even allows me to edit content on my phone which will sync overnight, because of the way usb access is shit on android since.. 5.0?

I am loving it! Worth every penny and week of setup effort.

This is long rant/story:

My manager conducts sync-up meetings regularly. The idea is to sync up all developers on current state of work. He does’t conduct stand-ups. He doesn't have time for it. He rather discusses on individual basis if we are blocked. The rule of the sync-up meeting is NOT to discuss any blockers or problems but simply explain each other what we are doing and how we plan next.

Sometime ago, the manager brought up and explained a new way of working in the sync-up meeting. At this point, a new developer in the team was absent due to sickness.

Today, there was a sync-up meeting and the manager started to question the new member about the newly introduced way of working. He was unaware of it and the manager never communicated this important information via email or any mode of communication available.

So, the conversation goes on as follows:

"Manager": — "Why didn’t you complete your task as per the new way of working?"
"Employee": — "Well, I've no idea. Am I supposed to do? I’ve been working as usual like any other"

"Manager": — "We have a new process and you have failed to follow it, so we’re late in delivering your work"
"Employee": — "I’ve already finished my work on time. I've raised a pull-request this morning"

"Manager": — "It doesn’t matter, it is not merged to main branch and so we can’t include your work in the release"
"Employee": — "I’ve no idea about the new process"

"Manager": — "Haven’t you asked around about what happened from previous meeting"
"Employee": — "Yes, I have. I was told which tasks were handled, but nothing about a new process"

"Manager": — "Aren’t you interested to learn it?"
"Employee": — "Why won’t I be interested? I was on a sick leave and I have no clue what happened here"

"Manager": — "What’s happened is past now, let’s not focus on it"
"Employee": — <Dumbfounded>
The Employee felt ashamed in front of everyone. He did his job but it didn’t pay off.

…. After an hour … the Employee had a talk with the Manager

"Employee": — "You shouldn’t have pointed me out in front of everyone. It made me feel real bad. You should have emailed this information if its important for the team."
"Manager": — "I have no idea what you’re talking about. When did I say so? I think you’ve a bright future in the team. You should be focusing on doing better things."

Employee goes back to work. A minute later, the Manager sends a PowerPoint screenshot of the process in the group chat.

**The Process**
It's about delivering release packages based on priorities defined by client. Each release package is a set of work items or requirements. Individual developers are assigned to work items. They are expected to deliver on planned delivery timelines in order to consider a work item into a release package.

fucking bluetooth earphones, i trusted you!

So I am interning at this company, and I am Coding in Go.
Now I don't have much exp with go so I'm learning it, and all of my team is cool cause they also had to learn Go. Anyways I am just petty intern-dev so everyone and everything is cool.

Migrating from python to go is quite hard.

Unlearn, You must.

What I have imagined Go, to be is:
While python has this top down approach to inheritance and polymorphism, Go has bottom up approach.
In Python child classes are derived from parent class but In Go child classes create a parent class. (this might be totally wrong, but that's how I've imagined golang)

Go is static wrt dynamic python.

I have coded in C for 1.5 years then I switched to python, so I feel that am familiar with static typing. The path that lies ahead of me shouldn't be too hard.

I would like to take a step further and say that Golang is C, but with modern syntax/semantics. It derives many of its features from newer langs like js, Python, etc while being a compiled language which translated directly to machine code.

That's all 😊

My team members are really great and supportive, I am about 10 years younger than them but we still connect and sync.

Everything is Great, Life is Good ❤️

What the hell is wrong with android studio?! I want to try android app developmemt but whenever I launch the android studio it tells me that it needs updates to continue, that too are damn large, then it'll say grandle sync is not working, sometimes it will freeze and sometimes it will give random bullshit issues. It's the single piece of shit that never want to work!

"Don't you find it easier using Dreamweaver?" 🤗

I was working on a new feature for this legacy project.. Just minding my own buisness then all out of the blue I got an email from our client (before the email I exported the live database because I needed to reproduce a weird bug) saying the sync stopped working
<backstory>
The database needs to sync every 15 minutes because it has a master-master relationship with a 3rd party database..
</backstory>
So I was like shiiit! Did I do that!? So I checked the logs, nothing... I called the 3rd part to check if they have problems, nothing.. Then I checked the network logs... Again all fine... 30 nervous minutes later, I got a new mail... Saying it finally synced... Still have no clue what happened or if it ever was a problem... God damn clients man...

We had to test our client's karaoke app. QA said there was a delay between the singer's video and the user's recorded video.

What a day! Developers singing along, waiting for someone to be in sync...

Two months ago I started working at a new company, who's system is a huge monolith. The company is a bit over one year old, and the code base is huge. The desire to move to more of a microservices architecture is on the radar, but one of the biggest issues in moving towards it is how we should keep our models. The stack is basically Node.js and Mongoose, where there's about a few dozen mongoose models that the whole system uses, and the issue is that, if we moved to a microservices architecture, how could we keep the models in sync. One idea I had was to keep the models in a separate (node) package that would be shared across all microservices, but then there's the issue that if one model needs changes, all microservices that use that model will need to be updated. Another idea we had was to not share models, but instead let every microservice be in charge of everything to do with a certain type of data (eg. Users are only directly accessed by one microservice, companies by another, and no two microservices share responsibility over data), but that might bring problems when one microservice depends on a certain set of data from another microservice. How do you guys manage all that? Any ideas or tips? Thanks ^^

Finishing Steam Cloud Sync.

Does anyone else have experience on a team where everyone seems to be doing their own thing across the full stack/multiple systems/languages but then they're all stepping over each other, breaking other each other's code so ends up doing a lot of rework to update your code to someone else's change.

And also many wheels get reinvented in slightly different ways because no one is aware that something like ... Already exists and can be reused or refactor.... Or how to use it correctly.

Basically we're like all moving in different directions instead of in sync.

I feel maybe the team is too big and everyone is doing everything, wearing too many hats... and maybe should define roles and ownership better.

There is how you think a system works, and there is how it actually works. Unit tests help keep those two ideas in sync with each other

I don't think you understand the word, "vacation."

Just spent forever trying to figure out why my POST request parameter(s) weren't working. The PHP was checking for GET parameters. Fucking hell.

java.lang.StackOverflowError

Well, I've been betrayed... Now what?

Ohhhh what my eyes saw ?
Adaptive sync enabled now in mesa !!!!!

** this means words are muted **

Friday:
I send a mail the client a Google doc with elaborate details about evaluation of an Android tablet from a Chinese manufacturer.

Monday:

The client is upset, he says "You say there is no GPS chip on the tablet while the manufacturer says otherwise"

Me- "I have clearly mentioned that it has a GPS chip"

Client- Opens the Google doc, points to a sentence. Looks at me like I did something horrible.

Me - **This guys is either word blind or something else is wrong with him, the line reads 'GPS chip available'**

Me- "Look, it says 'GPS chip available'.

Client- **Blinks n blinks again** "Alright, but why did you share a Google document, why not PDF, docx"

Me-**Politely** "You can download the document in any format, look I will show you..."

Client- "It should have been in the mail itself ideally"

Me- **WTH** "We normally maintain a document for such things to keep everything organised, but if you want I will put everything in mail itself"

Client- "Hmm.. do both from next time"

Me- "Alright" **BS**

Client- "Why is the new feature taking so much time"

Me- "As planned earlier, we going to deliver it tomorrow"

Client- "Why not today??" **Gives a strange look.**

Me thinking - **Enough**

Me- "See, I am trying to integrate a smarten with a socket connection, reading it's data via exposed APIs that are hardly documented, we need faster performance so I need to implement caching, multi threading, offline handling, multiple processes to avoid memory fluctuations, sync adapter to sync data...."

Client- "Ok ok ok, it's fine if you give working build tomorrow"

Me- "Ok, fine"

#limit

Favorite IDE to program in C++?

I'm starting a freelance project and the guy who is working on the backend refuses to use git because all the files sync to his computer from the server

Things that make you regret you are not a normal grunt in any other fucking job outside of software development...

Few years back we had the biggest customer ever close to signing contact with us (b2b). They had a CRM they wanted to connect to our CRM because their users didn't want to use IE with ActiveX anymore, the old software was a fucking RDP over IE to a server behind a VPN.

Boss brags how we can implement every API on Earth with our team and gets the contract signed. Technically not a lie but we agreed on a company meeting a few month prior to not implement each API for every customer but expose one ourselves because we had enough big customers on that one software to not want 100+ unique API connectors in our code.

So we apparently agreed to not only build our side of the API but also pay 2/3 of the bill of the other company for implement their shitty excuse of an API...

Fast forward a few month, talking to the other companies dev daily to get their API up and running, our part is long done. Finally get things set up and data flows... suddenly shit hits the fan. That shitty excuse of CRM can't expose the created and modified timestamps to the API. Webhooks never got implement and now we have no way of knowing which data changed because their side is completely passive.

Fast forward to a few weeks back. Still no solution. Shit is running, barely. Data inconsistency is low because everyone knows they should never change things in the old CRM because the changes might not be synced. (Only one indictor is a custom modified date on the main customer data that only updates if the main data was changed but there are 20+ different possible subsets. Can't get changes in subsets detected, like ever)

One fucking grunt updated 129 customer-profiles in the old CRM. Nothing was synced.

They still use the old shit for billing.

Their it-crowd-guy calls me up:
"Sorry but we need to generate the bills tomorrow and there seems to be some kind of desynchronization between the databases"

No shit? Someone did exactly what we told you not to do and now that one thing we warned you about happened but now it's our fault? Use the fucking force sync button we built for that purpose and that purpose alone. It will only take 7 days because that fucking SOAP API is slow as fuck and you have millions of datasets to sync...

Fml I might just try and jump out the window, sounds like a lot of fun in days like this.

tl;dr never implant against dynamics ax aif soap API if you want to keep some basic level of sanity

If you've ever had @SupressWarnings("unused") in your code, just why?

Who else is a retard and does this:

String = "";

and doesn't notice the error immediately??

Oh well, glad it's not a wk98 rant, just annoying to install and sync the data, this time I am going to do a full image backup after installing the basic things

!rant

I'm starting to be really, idk, crazy, but I just can't find anything similar to OneNote, but with SYNC option, for Android and Linux. What do you guys recommend. Already tried Evernote but it's two-devices only limit in free version, nah.

Meetings.. Was I not listening? Blame it on the ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).

Maybe society has AEHD (Attention Expected Hyper-Delusion).

Seriously, who can pay attention to someone speaking AT you.

We have amazing magical devices one can enchant to do their bidding; Contemplating the details of such, often, is more enjoyable than what your rambling on about, talking head.

Not sorry, ;).

Also THANK YOU, you amazing MIT's (Manager of Information Technologies). A lot of you understand and even may use your underling employee's as a vented heat sync for your frustrations. I love what you do and thank the universe I don't have to engage myself in those activities. I have sympathy for the decision to give up your jeans and t-shirts for business attire; keep strong, your role is vital. <3

The insomnia is going to have to give me a break. Work in 3 hrs, time for a nap; and no, I don't take ADD medication (Amphetamine). I don't need a prescription; I can procure my own drugs, thank you.

Nor would I do them to get through work, that's drug abuse.

What is it with this bullshit culture about installing something syncs it with all machines
First chrome/chromium, You can't install a plugin or extension on 1 machine unless you're logged out. what is this bullshit

Next windows 10, I fucking installed a Japanese language pack on 1 machine, by the end of the day all my fucking machines and even my windows tablet got it installed and applied in a fucking bugged way that made it that my UI is English and my fucking metro apps are Japanese.

This is starting to get annoying as fuck

How to manage updates on production as web agency

1: Update the GitHub private repo with your changes
2: Write an email to the customer sysadmin and ask to sync in staging and later production
3: Wait 2 weeks and do another ping about it
4: The sysadmin later will do that
5: In the meantime there is a security update of your CMS and a lot of plugins to update
6: Try to update from the CMS panel and there are no write permission
7: Cry a lot and write another email to go back to point 2

When your friends wants you to help them code in Java and they type

public void Main String

without any instruction ...

Hmmmm. Just looked at my security log for my outlook account. A bunch of unsuccessful sync attempts... from China, from South Africa, from Colombia, from Poland, from Vietnam, and from Brazil. All of them IMAP attempts. Good to know my password isn't compromised, but I think I'm going to reset it and double it's length, just to be sure.

Firefox is shit

- In version 62 the cocksuckers finally removed the ability to add description to bookmarks, now there is no difference between mozilla shit browser and chrome, except chrome has working mobile version and working bookmark sync.
- Yes, firefox mobile on android does not even allow you to edit bookmarks so that useless crap can't be called a browser at all.
- Firefox shitcoded sync takes more time to sync 1 bookmark, than chrome takes to setup all bookmarks/addons/settings on fresh-install and in addition to that, it messed my bookmarks several times, so I am forced to sync places.sqlite via dropbox to syncronize bookmarks, because it is way much faster and reliable.

Algorithms to Live By: How to Put on a Quilt Cover

1. Sync the orientation of both quit and cover
2. Locate the corners on the cover and add clothes pins
3. Insert the corners 1 by one and attach the pin
4. Stuff everything else inside
5. Walk around and hold each pair of perpendicular corners and give it a toss (Full body morning exercises now complete)
6. When satisfied, removed the pins.
7. Place quilt onto bed

Now watch as the quilt gets twenties inside over the following few weeks and either just give up until the next wash or repeat.

!rant

I have about a week of holidays left before my classes start and I'm thinking about creating a notepad with password protection and cloud sync so it can be accesed on other devices.

So this is how it will work.
Probably the same interface as windows notepad so no one notices. It can be used to write a personal diary or anything that you don't want other people to know. It will ask for a 4 digit code when you open it(at first you'll see some text, you'll just enter you pin after that text and without pressing enter if you pin is write you'll see the text changes to your previously saved text and if your pin is wrong no error will be displayed itll work as a normal text editor for intruders and probably this wrong pin will be sent to you on you emil with other info). Now even if yoy minimize the window you'll have enter the pin again or even your windows gets out of focus. So you can have it open all the with out worrying.

I'll be using C# for this which I have no experience with. But I'll get it so no problem here.

Provide your feedback on this with some suggestions.

*Sorry I didn't post it on calebs section because I don't have $10.

The mobile application my company is developing is beginning to fail in a prod environment because the third party tool we purchased to sync our 3 databases in the background isn't working as expected, so I have been assigned the task of rewriting the entire application. I chose to do it in react-native/redux which I have never heard of until two weeks ago, and I have never enjoyed programming so much in my life. Shit just clicks and works the first time more often than not. Android Studio had me banging my head against my desk daily. Kudos to these technologies 👌

Just me, or do friends go full retard when you show them your application or UI concept?

Do you guys support today's youth learning how to code? If so, why? If not, why not?

I started coding when I was 11.

I've been trying to sleep for a while now. Counting sheep isn't helping because now the sheep have a whiteboard and are writing down answers to fix my bugs :/

Edit: if you were wondering, there is 1 sheep as of right now

18 hours because I can

<3 DevStyle for Eclipse

Motherfucker, do you even review your own code, never mind getting anyone else to do it?

"Hi" randomly added on a new line in the middle of a switch block, a syntax error, as the only change in a file?

Breaking two methods by misunderstanding which database object a variable identifies- but making no other change to those functions? And not adding permissions checks to the new API methods you added in that file?

Overwriting the email template that goes out to users who were added straight to the CRM, by reusing the same file for a template for users that have been invited to an event?

Adding your new fields to the old CRM sync code, again leaving me to figure it out, thereby leaving users' changes likely to be overwritten every morning?

And pushing this to master, supposedly tested, without a heads-up?

How often does your mum need to buy you a new box of crayons? Because these ones are chewed to pieces.

Suck my balls. Or rather don't, you probably don't know you're not meant to use your teeth.

Phones be like ..
Ooh pls sync your gallery, call history,messages, personal details, medical history, address proof, grandad's number to our cloud

Well, look at the brighter side Android developers, that long time gradle takes to build gives you the much needed break, doesn't it?

TEAM MATE: let me sync my branch with upstream master
*starts typing*

git pull upstream master

ME: Nooooooo!!!!

A personal peer-to-peer music streaming app that doesn't need cloud storage. It's like Spotify + Resilio Sync. So, i can access all of my song from the connected device.

So a minute ago I deleted all my Spotify songs, because Spotify now calls them Favourites instead of just Songs. Fucking morons. I thought I had loads of mediocre music in my favourites, and because I don't use favourites, I thought: let me just remove all songs from it so I can start over.

Turns out: that's all the songs I've ever added to Spotify.

Once I realised what I had done, I quickly turned off internet to see if it hadn't synced yet, but of course: FML, it was published. I quickly turned off internet on my phone and opened Spotify: gone already (the bastard was open) before I could turn internet off.

So, my last hope: turn off internet at home, fire up my old Windows PC, open Spotify, put all songs in a playlist, turn on internet, let it sync (au revoir songs or 'favourites', hello new playlist), restore all the things!

Luckily, I booted that old PC (and Spotify boots automatically in the background) last week, so it should have all my songs (I didn't add any this week). I'll let you know if it worked.

And heads up: your songs are now gone, you now have 'favourites'. 🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️

Fuck you, UX ruiners at Spotifuck!

A few years ago I worked at company specialized in Magento(eCommerce) and Magento was changing their licensing model. At the time they had 3 Versions. Community(free), Pro and Enterprise.

They decided to ditch Pro and either make all migrate to Enterprise(with a discount) or go community which wasn’t really compatible. So some shops were in need of a more or less complete rewrite.

My hdd crashed literally the day before but hey no big deal everything is 99% done and on staging. So I had a Trainee at that Time and thought the last few crappy things could be done in pair programming so he can learn a few things.

But fuck him! That motherfucker! He managed to WIPE the staging server and no that was at a time without gut and no SVN. That dipshit just deleted 2 months of work because he thought it was a good idea to SYNC his empty project to the staging system.

Oh god I nearly stabbed him. He did that shit out of his own mind even though I told him a dozen times what would happen... we had to do the whole thing again with me sitting next to him watching every stroke he made.

Guess he learned something while inward silently raging the next weeks.

So tired today and just realized spent all day on a wild goose chase..

Somehow the test results were wrong... It said the data was out of sync but checking the live data today... They're an exact match...

Used visual studio's baked in git tools for the first time last night, it felt bizarre pushing to a repo without that momentary existential crisis thinking "oh god am I on the right branch, are these the right commits, did I add the right files, am I in sync with upstream".

Think I'll stick to cli, keeps me on my toes.

I didn't know why I didn't ever told it:

I did a few multiplayer projects in Unity 4 Engine (beloved old multiplayer) and I wanted to create a custom dedicated server within the Unity engine.

I created a new project and started programming. The clients even connected to the server but I couldn't figure out how to sync the world's because the blocks the world was made of existed in both projects,but had different IDs (didn't knew there were IDs).

After a bit of googling I found out that it isn't possible to sync these projects. Tired of myself giving up I tried a different route and found out that these IDs would sync of you exported them as asset pack. So I did!

And it worked ❤️❤️❤️❤️

So I could have a less power heavy dedicated within the unity engine.

(PS: I knew I just could made a server in C# or so with sockets and what ever, but 12 year old me doesn't knew sockets)

There is no problem in life everything is in sync (Not async) ;)

Okay, I want everyone to write code related to the holidays below! I look forward to seeing responses

Who else uses JavaDocs on their own code and never releases that code...? I do 😂

Look, extra remote team member. If I hired you with the express requirement that you work and/or live in sync with my time zone, and you claim to live and work in my time zone for a few weeks but you're lying to me and you were actually just on vacation here and have moved back overseas, you SUCK. And now we're firmly entrenched with the project and it's near impossible to fire you at this point if I don't want to deal with a whole new developer and learning curve!!!

Soo... Let me get this straight... My boss reeeeeeally wants me to reconfigure our database system to sync data between each of our 15 sites... Let me this about this...

Our database is an MS Access database originally written about 17 years ago. It was written as a standalone database that runs a unique instance for each of our sites.The person responsible for the database (still not the original developer) before I took over 6 years ago bragged about how they were "an 80s developer" (w...t...f!). Even with all of the fixes and additions (additions because... F&$#ing of course there are!) It's still basically held together by duct tape and spit.

Hmmm... Ok, still possible. What's the environment I'm working in... I have absolutely ZERO control of our workplace network... That's a whole other department. Due to the nature of the workplace (and it's sites) there is extreme limitation on network access.

Well... If I'm Reeeeeeally nice to the people in charge of the network, maaaaaybe they can give me access to a little server space.

A very long shot, but, doab.... Oh, the boss would really like this handled in the next couple months...

F$#k you! There is no way on God's (still) green earth that I... Alone... Can rewrite a legacy database... written across 4 or 5 different versions of FU$KING MS Access, and give 15 sites, with extremely limited networking, real time data sync in... Oh, a few months.

Now, I do not work with "computer people". I'm usually lucky when my coworkers remember their passwords (which, even if they don't, WHY tell ME! I don't run the network!)

And when I tell my boss basically what I just said... In a nice, pleasant way... They suggest I'm not giving the problem enough thought...

FU#K YOU IGNORANT ASS! Write me a ToDo list in MS Access (no, I'm not going to tell you where to start) in under an hour then, MAYBE, we can talk about... No... Just NO... Can't be done!

*Takes deep breath* so... Lovely weather we're having, right?

My threads when I started learning concurrency...