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When a normal person says "IMHO", it means "In my humble opinion"
When a programmer says "IMHO", its means "You are wrong".5
So I accidentally reinvented Pollard's algorithm.
About a year ago I switched my job.
At the start everything seemed like magic. I was the It director, I've finally was able to call the shots on technologies, on new software architecture.
First step was to check the current state of the company.
"qqqq" as each pc password? Ok
No firewall from outside? Lovely
Servers running on Windows Server 2008? Spectacular
People leaving pc on after work and left the machine unlocked just not to type the password? Hell yeah
The IT dude playing games instead of working? But ofcourse
Plaintext passwords publically accessible eshop? Naturally.
The list goes on and on.
After all this time, I'm working to fix every hole like that like crazy and because it doesn't show results, I'm soon to lose my job. Well better luck next time as an intern I guess :')19
I love most of the usernames here, I really like how most choose funny names related to developing or what they do, don't you also like that fashion?14
Email from me to IT:
Can I please have Paint.NET and <name of open-source screen grabber and annotation software> installed? I’m frequently creating procedure and training documents and using MS Paint can be frustrating.
Reply from IT:
We are trying to standardise our OS image and will not be able to install this type of software. Open source software especially had no place on our corporate network.
Paint and the standard Windows screen clip will be sufficient.
Hate leaving work feeling useless for only writing 5 lines of working code today.
4 hours of meetings, an hour of calls, 2 hours to find 2 annoying bugs and the rest waiting for an api throttle limit so I can test again.
Hoping tomorrow is better!2
The guy I heard this from also believed that his code would somehow be "compiled" rather than what's essentially a framework be loaded and then execute code in a language not native to the browser...
Dear thieves: don't steal a dev's phone.
So I lost my phone. Some thief in a motorcycle took it while I was using it outside my home.
It was crap anyway, and after putting it on Lost Mode and going to the cops about it I slept like a baby. So I lost nothing.
Now I have the perfect excuse to harass the thief, the fence, and the poor technician who will try to break into my phone. Hahaha.
I phoned my telco today about my SIM card loss, phoned the government telecommunications agency to apply for my phone to become IMEI blocked (rendering it useless to anyone), and sent messages over Lost Mode telling the thief to return my phone to the police station and get himself arrested and me suing him for the keks.
Meanwhile I still had TestFlight on my phone and I sent the thief insults through my iOs app that I personally use. I'm not sure it still works over Lost Mode, but just in case they break through, they will not hear the end of me. At least until the government IMEI blocks the thing.
Or that I will settle for 12 months of my wages. Plus the lawyer's cut.23
"Wow! It is awesome! It's like a Python but fast, function composition is so useful..."
Then you realize that arrays start at 1:
"WHAT THE F! WHY?!"4
A toast to those moments when we solve programming problems we couldn't google answers to, cause we'll never find them.1
Wanted to automate some stuff through bash scripts but did want to separate tasks so I wrote two bash scripts for data processing.
Hmm.. two scripts..... how could I even further automate thi....
*writes script which executed those two scripts*
Automate in android is the best task automation tool, its very powerful and can do anything
except send a post request3
So I'm a backend engineer and my boss keeps telling me I over engineer stuff. I'm never given a technical spec or architectural spec, just told what to do so I build. But apparently I over engineer? Admittedly I do tend to but recently I cba and done the most basic thing. Apparently its over engineered.
Would you agree that to say something is over engineered a technical requirements document is required in order to specify over engineered said request needs to be?
Ps: my boss is an inappropriate cunt. Finally got that out.
Feel like hes just making arguments with me to get rid of me because I didnt want to cuddle in bed with him after he gave me an uncalled for back rub..15
Yesterday I added another item to the list of things I hate but am told to use at work,
Somebody made a fake review on my app! That's how I dealt with him 😂
The app is "My Classes" on app store7
For fucks sake, just because you don't know anything besides JS, you don't have to constantly complain how it's "so fucked up"!
Yeah there's a lot of frameworks. So what? Python has 50+ wsgi frameworks just for server-side apps, Linux has literary hundreds of desktop environments, C++ has over 30 actively-developed UI frameworks, and let's not even get started on CMSs or game engines. And each language comes with its own dependency management or two, NPM discourages static linking & bundling dependencies until the very end, while some others only recommend dynamically linking widely-available dependencies & always bundling the remaining ones.
Software development is constantly evolving, and for most time there's no right or wrong approach. And when one approach is chosen over another, there's a reason for that. Imagine you just found a perfect library for your use case, but some idiot decided to only offer minified code with bundled jQuery? Or a different idiot made it impossible to have multiple versions of a dependency on your system without resorting to one of various third-party hacks?
Every language has a ton of various frameworks & libraries that ultimately do the same thing, every language has a bunch of design choices you probably don't understand at first, and every language was made with a purpose and the fact that you're using it proves it achieved that.
Last but not least, all devs had to learn about quirks in various languages, and they're fucking tired when someone who barely knows a language tries to act smart going "ahaha how the fuck 0.1 + 0.2 isn't 0.3".10
I am bloody sick of being on my own.
I was the sole dev at the last few jobs I've held, with the exception of API Guy -- who didn't really help much, and who got fired / quit six months after I started. Every other job I've either been the only dev, or the only web dev. (Exception:My boss at my previous job was a Rails dev, but he has zero time to code, and was significantly less experiened so he could only rarely help anyway.)
But now I'm in a company with a bunch of other devs, and they're all ostensibly senior devs, so you'd think I should be able to ask questions, right? And get answers? that actually help? like "Hey, you built this; how does it work?" No bloody way.
So far every time I've asked someone for help, they've been incompetent. I asked about what a few flags did, and got an answer that basically said "you just gotta know. oh, and the labels aren't up to date, so don't trust what they say." I asked the head of the "product team" about a ticket that he wrote, and he changed what it meant four times within two days. I asked about another, and he said "oh, that isn't reproduceable." Thanks. I asked about mailers, and got two very different, very incompete walkthroughs from the more senior devs (9+ years on this codebase) that didn't help. I asked two people about how users and roles work, and still have no idea what kind of user (there are like twelve?) is what, what roles even exist, or how to check for permissions. `@current_user` is a thing, but idfk what it holds since that can change considerably, and there's an impersonation feature that changes how it works, too. I ask the product guy again about where to link something, and he has no idea. I ask said product guy about what this feature needs to do, and he doesn't know. I ask what the legal team needs, and i get nothing. I ask the designer where the goddamn CSS lives, and he doesn't know; he apparently just puts it wherever he feels like, even if it's a completely unrelated stylesheet. As long as it works, right?
I ask very simple and straighforward questions, and it takes them forever to get back to me saying what amounts to "idk, ask someone else."
This feels like the same crap all over again, except now there are a bunch of devs I can ask that give me basically the same answers as the sales people always did. Always "idk" or a confusing mess of an 'answer' that skips most/all of the important bits. At least these people don't [usually] contradict themselves.
So, @Root is all alone, again.
And currounded by incompetence.
For fuck's sake.
Can't I catch a break?20
A shop donated this make up sample to my wife.
The container now is on my pc: the slogan is Immortal reset.3
I resolved to spend more time with the family this month, leaving my laptop behind when visiting them for the end of the year.
Now, 10 days later we're all bored of each other and I truly, deeply, and most sincerely miss my beloved laptop.
All I can do is refresh the devRant app, and fantasise while reading about others working on their machines, and posting formatted photos of code snippets. Like some weird, twisted form of instagram-addiction.3
A saw it this morning. Now i can die.3
Start with your new year's resolution now!
So you'll have a headstart over other parallel universe versions of you, that are way better than you anyway.6
Watching someone screw up their own website...
The one you did for them for free because you're good friends...
Who then kicks you to the curb and "unfriends" you IRL over some stupid misunderstanding...
Well, it's time to pop some popcorn, kick back, and watch that dumpster fire from afar. https://gph.is/2p6q53C6
That feel when you spend 2 hours fixing something just so you can fix the thing you originally intended to fix6