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When the new guy on the team uses click bait titles on his PRs... that’s when you realise this guys going to go far.13
Ok so the good news is. My vacation is in 2 weeks. And also just got Hired, and handed a big project with big money
The bad news is They need to refactor and document their legacy code from last dev partner. And this is the commit history
OH MY FUCKING GOD KILL ME NOW!10
Three male programmers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals.
The first programmer finishes, walks over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeds to dry his hands very carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried.
Turning to the other two, he says, "At Windows, we are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second programmer finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands. He uses a single paper towel and makes sure that he dries his hands using every available portion of the paper towel.
He turns and says, "At Macintosh not only are we trained to be extremely thorough but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third programmer finished and walks straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder.
"At RedHat, we don`t PISS on our hands."1
The amount of common sense questions which would require an individual to use their brain and/or a search engine for approximately a few seconds in order to gain the knowledge needed to answer it themselves was TOO FUCKING GOD DAMN HIGH TODAY.
IT CAN REALLY FUCKING PISS ME OFF SOMETIMES.17
How I've got my previous job?
Imagine you are in a wild techno club. Dark aisles, A dj from berlin behind the turntables blasting out hard beats, couples kissing on extasy pills.
And there was a friend I've didn't meet in ages. "how do you do?" she asks. "ah... you know i'm on a job hunt for a year i feel misrable". "really? my dad is looking for somebody, send him your resNZNZNZ!" "WHAT? can't hear you!" "Send him your resume!" "Ahhh! okay great!"
So on 24. december 5pm, snow outside, i've sat on wooden table in the kitchen of her father discussing the conditions for the job. It was the start of a crazy time. Dining with millionaires on their Castles. Shaking hands with top businesses leaders. Going to China and having dinner with the 500 richest chinese at once. Wild!
so my advice for you nerds, don't stay in your comfort zone behind the screen on weekends. Vistit a techno club sometimes. You may find a pretty girl/boy with a CEO as a father.15
Another dev on my team just got a new machine. Before he came in today I made two separate USB installers and left him these notes.65
Yesterday night I was driving by train. And I overheard a random dude how he is studying computer science. Drunk me decided to give him some advice, so I told to use github. Instead of using ubuntu he should try out arch or gentoo, to learn how all parts work together. But because I was pretty drunk, I probably confused him more, then anything else. Oops.11
She: "I am not getting anything out of these classes!!"
Me: "Try making some Objects first"
Apple rejected my app, because they throught there was a frickin Windows phone on my loading screen.
How insecure can you be?29
I wrote a Student Information system for my midterm project back in 94 written in Clipper and runs on MS-DOS.
I demoed & explained to the panel of professors how it tracks enrollments, payments, class schedules, grades and attendance of each and every student. Has user authentication, auditing and reporting functionalities.
It has a lite version also written in Clipper that can be installed on a Professor's laptop so that he/she can update records even at home, and would be able to sync with the db at school via a BBS. Telix for DOS (self-taught) was my choice for the BBS as it was shareware, has built-in Zmodem support and comes with it's own programming language called SALT (Script Application Language for Telix) that can be used for automating tasks. The lite version of my project would dump the updates on an ASCII file, compress the file using PKZIP, use the laptop's modem to dial-up the number to the school's BBS and send the file across using Zmodem protocol.
The main version would then download the file(s) from the BBS and proceed to do a sync.
After the doing the demo and answering all their questions the panel asked me to wait outside the room, called me back in after 15mins and told me that I don't have to attend that class for the remainder of the term. The happiness as the my classmates outside of the room gawked at me felt like King Midas himself gave my balls his golden touch.
Then in 97, 2yrs after I graduated, I accompanied my cousins to a different campus of the same school for their enrollment and right there on the bottom of the screen were my initials on a very very familiar UI! They actually used, and were still using, my school project. Needless to say my cousins didn't believe that it was written by me.15
GF: What are you doing there?
Dev: I've been trying to reproduce a bug for two hours now...
GF: You need two bugs the opposite sex, otherwise they won't reproduce.
From a sad true story.8
Someone just rang the IT Helpdesk moaning that outlook wasn't syncing his mail and it was because the brand new laptop he's just gotten is crap.
So first, the guy on the helpdesk asked to log into the users laptop to look at outlook.
He apparently isn't at his laptop and doesn't have time for anyone to log in!
So he rings back 10 mins later when at his laptop but wont let the helpdesk log in as he has 'confidential' documents open.
Wtf, close them, why are you ringing us to look at your laptop if you won't let us log on?? lol
So helpdesk was like ok, just check cat cable is plugged in, check wifi is off, do a send/receive etc. and the user's like yes, they're all okay!
Helpdesk tells him to reboot his pc. He does so.
Doesn't resolve it.
Skip forward another 10 painful minutes while the helpdesk guy is pulling his hair out checking everything in the background, and all looks fine.
User then says "should i also turn off my iPhone?"
Helpdesk: 'No, outlook is just on your laptop'.
User: 'No *assured laugh* its on my phone too. I get emails there too'
Helpdesk: 'No, you use the generic 'Mail' app on your phone. Outlook is a separate app. We don't use it.'
User: 'But you're not listening, regardless of the app name, that's my problem, mail's not working on my phone'.
Helpdesk: '.....so why didn't you say so 20 minutes ago when i asked to log into ur laptop?'
User: 'Didn't think it was relevant. Laptop was fine. Assumed you'd know'.
Shockingly, a phone restart fixed it. The user couldn't remember the last time he'd turned the thing off.11
devRant just hit 50,000 downloads on Android (fancy new store badge, yay!). Thank you everyone for being part of this community and spreading the good word! @dfox and I have some fun new features in the works, exciting times!23
Friend: So you're a programmer? You must be good in hacking WiFis and sht.
Friend: Can you hack my PayPal account using HTML?
Me: Say no more.13
I came early today to the office
Found the office locked
Need fingerprint of Project Manager/CTO
With my mouth saying ah.. i blew hot air into the finger print sensor, 5 to 6 times
There u go.office door opened with welcome message
just hacked the system
Me and my wife are software engineers
Started dating while doing a project together
I guess you could say that we...
MERGED WITHOUT CONFLICTS21
CTO: I heard about this great architecture of microservices. What is it exactly?
Me: it's building many servers with one responsbility each.
CTO: That sound good. But let keep it simple and build only one big microservice.
(True story from a comapny a worked for)9