> Customer calls
Her: I have over 5k 404 request to [insertwebsite]/autodiscover/autodiscover.xml
Me: Sound like a missconfigured exchangeserver/client. Let me have a look.
> Takes a look and can confirm the IP and the owner of that IP
Me: It looks like someone/something from xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx is failing to resolve autodiscover.[insertdomain].com
and defaults to @ record on the zone. Do you happend to know to whom that IP belongs?
Her: No, and I dont care, just block it. I do not like the 404 that shows up on the summary.
Me: Alright
> Blocks the IP in the firewall.

>>> Fast forward to next day >>>

> Someone calls, it is the same girl
Her: I cant reach my website! Infact, I cant reach anything! WHYYYYYY!!!
> I remember, blocking that IP yesterday...
Me: Oh, can you please visist "minip.se" (whatismyip.com, swedish version) and tell me what you see?
Her: Yes, it is xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx
Me: Do you remember that IP that you request that I block yesterday?
> I can hear the shame coming from the phone.
> Turn out that her collegues did'nt have any mail delivered to them from the time I blocked their IP
> Her boss is really mad
> Atleast she had a cute voice

Me being a good collegue teaching my friend basic C++ for upcoming exam and trying my best not tore my friend apart.

Crime scene: university's library, today, 1PM.

Me: Create a new class, just type 'class' and hit TAB
Him: I'm trying to but it pastes some code
Me: That's the point of hitting TAB.. now that we are finished, include it in your main file, the one with main entry point
Him: I have no such thing
Me: Look for main function
Him: There's none, what is it called?
Me: ...main
Him: Yeah, what is it called?
Me: ..main, the name is main
Him: I get it, but what is it called?
Me: 'MAIN' FOR GODS SAKE, THE NAME IS 'MAIN' *points towards my code*..
Him: Oh, okay, I get it now
Me: Ok, let's compile
*Error pops on his screen*
Him: You know what, I don't think you can really program.. *closes laptop and walks away*.

FML

I came from a village, we have animals (like a farm), pigs, chicken, sometimes duck and goose. One day I had to work from home, bc had to come back to parents house. Our daily skype meeting was like this:

* discussing very important IT stuff *
* grandma rushes into my room *
me: sorry, but i have a meeting
grandma: i just wan...
me: but i cannot right no...
grandma: just wanted to know if...
me: grandma, I cannot right now, we have a skyp... im talking with colleagues, on the computer
grandma: * quiet voice * okay, i dont want to interrupt, I just want to know - Did you ordered the ducks?
* what I hear in headphones: collegues and boss LOLd sooo hard *
me: ffs, what ducks?
grandma: did your father not give you the guys number?
me: * starting to sweat * what guy? no he didnt, i have no idea what youre talking about
grandma: * disappointed * then who gonna order them...?
me: ...
grandma: * standing next to me, she hears the laughter * whats that?

since then, if im working from home every skype meeting starts with "Tommy, is your grandma there? HAHA!"

I bought 4 of them to introduce Dev rant to my three collegues (one is for myself of course). Hopefully we can welcome them soon here.

If a teamviewer sessions counts as "screenshare", I've got a good one.

The company I'm working for also got an internal video player in the webfrontend of it's product. A customer called in, because the player "stays black", instead of playing his videos. It's a player for a media library of the customer, so it can be any content. A collegue did some trouble shooting, but since the customer was not very experienced in IT they arranged a teamviewer session. At the appointed time, my collegue called the customer and asked him to reproduce the issue, while watching via teamviewer.

When opening the media player, it stayed black indeed, so my collegue asked the customer to try another video. From my desk I heard my collegue say "Oh god, no" (phone muted) pretty loudy and he asked us to come to his place quickly. The customer decided, it would be a good idea to try the video player with gay porn. So we stood there around my collegues desk, watching a hairy man, getting his asshole licked by another an even hairier man for a few secs.

The customer stopped the playback, said "ok, maybe the other file was just broken.", thanked my collegue and the call was over.

We had a few similar cases.

Getting an email from friends at work after i am about to leave for a new job. Developers showing love

Okay so about a year ago these FUKKING IDIOTS decides, against my recommendation, to do this quick-ugly-hack and ninja it into production.
I tell them its a FUCKING BAD idea that will blow up in a year or so...
But no, just go go go!!!!!!!

Now a year later, shit blew up badly. A total FUCKING derail. These new idiots asks me to "fix the problem", the same fucking problem I predicted and warned them about a year ago. So now i have to clean up their ducking mess because "Nobody else knows how to fix it".
What the FUCKING HELL do we pay them fuckkkers to do?!!

New idiots you ask? Yep, because 3 out of the 4 original fucktards already left the place in order to go and make some other new collegues lives fucking miserable.

FUCK YOU FUCKING MOOTHERFUUUKKKEEERRRRRSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Noisy collegues. Also the people who come to talk anytime.

"Oh hey, your code is a perfect showcase, may I show it to collegues?"

"Sure, but why so?"

"For demonstrating how to do it NOT!"

OK.
1. So i tindered.
2. I got a really nice girl.
3. We chatted really long and good.
4. We tried to meetup it did not work because of our schedule. New
job on my end, she is a student.
5. I thought its over. Fine whatever.
6. She gives me her number.
7. We continue chat on whatsapp
8. Blablabla 3 days long, she gets bored and tries to friendzone me
9. I revert the shit and state i wanna be serious and there wont be a
friendzone/nice guy comin from me.
10. She happy and continues to chat.
11. I get emtionally invested in her.
12. We exchange thoughts dreams and music.
13 We want to meetup at weekend. I cant. Got a family wedding all
weekend.
14. We want to meetup the second week.
I cant. Im off on a company trip. Again new job here.
15. So we say in the week after I get back.
15a. Before the weekend we need to deliver an rc and go all out to hold
the deadline.
15b. We deliver, but shit happens on the customer side. His fault but we
get the blame.
15c I go onto the company trip.
16. We chat and i send her pictures of the trip over the weekend so she
sees I care.
17. She seems fine. And happy.
18. I come back from the trip late night and need to work the next day
jetlag style.
19. I work jetlag style. And try to fix the shit from last week.
20. I come home really tired and looking forward to date day tomorrow.
21. I cant do anything. My home looks like shit and the bag still
unpacked. I just eat and fall asleep.
I feel bad bcs my home will turn her down instantly if we make it to my
place.
Need to hope that it does not come to this.
22. Date day comes. Today.
23. I wake up at 6 early to plan ahead to make sure my clothes are fine
and i arrive on time in the office to exit early.
24. I expect to check what goes on today in the city and give her the
location to meet and time.
25. I enter office and immeadetly get caught up in meeting planning, dev
questions and the meeting itself because the project is on edge.
26. We have a 5hours long meeting where people go on and on and on.
27. 3h later in the meeting:
my brain was fried and around 12 i go to lunch with some people.
28. Meanwhile the city is turning into a rainy mess of a shitty day. No
way I can have a nice walk with her like that. Bars and coffeshops are
just to boring.
29. So i eat to regain some sense and we go back to the office.
Meanwhile I am thinking all kinds of locations and stuff in my head.
30. Havent given her any update since a good morning in the morning.
31. We reenter the meeting. Things continue like before. The project is
on impossible demands and impossible timelines. Still we try to do our
best.
32 3h later on 3pm I tell her i am in a long meeting and working on a
meetingspot.
33. shes not happy.
34. I get a call from a relative
35. i need to go out and take the call. not good for the collegues.
again new job here.
36. family trouble,  money trouble, goverment demands. I promise to
handle that tomorrow. Before work.
37. i get back into the meeting.
38. still super slow and no results.
39. need to focus but start to check for locations on my phone.
40. she asks me where i am
41. I send her my location.
42. she thinks i am saying she should pick me up!
43 i joke and say no definitly not.
44. shes pissed.
45.  I decide for a coffeeshop. after work. and send her the location
46. She says to call it off.
47. I go all in and go romance style. I say ill wait there even if she
does not come to show her how much i care.
U know to avoid the lets do it some other time fuckery and then it never
happens.
47. She goes quiet.
48. 2h later we finish the meeting. Meanwhile QA foudn a bug we need to
fix because why not.
49. I got 30 minutes to find the bug and fix it before I need to go to
uphold my word.
50. I find out what to do, but it might break a lot of other things
without careful test and implementation. Collegues says he takes it.
51 I feel bad but I need to go. I even leave earlier because otherwise I
would not be on time.
52. I arrive 15 minutes early. I grab two coffee2go and wait outside,
53. Shitty weather, sometimes rain, sometimes sunny, cant decide what it
wants.
54. The weather is just like how I feel.
55. I wait 1 1/2h
56. I think I should feel stupid, For gods sake its tinder. People dont
give a crap, Enough people around why should I Invest so much into this?
But I dont feel stupid. Because this is how I want it. I dont want
appointments, I dont want safety. I decided for her and I went all in.
57. I send her pics from the sceneray as proof that I waited,
58. I think I blew it. She is still quiet.
59. Friends are asking me for plans for the weekend. I wish I could say
I already have some with her.
60. I feel lost right now. But my head says I put too much stress on
her, And i fucked up with the planning. I should have been more precise.
My head also says that i am putting myself into the victim role, which
is wrong always. Should I continue to reach out to her? Is there
something I could do still?

I sometimes remember the time when I wrote a Email-inbox-exporter-PHP-script-type of application that collects all the emails from an inbox, "copied" it to a database with the attachements and stuff and moves it to a folder..

I just started at the company for like a couple of months, had no privileges to create mailboxes and such and I didn't want to interrupt our programmer to do this for me, so... I decided.. to save time and resources.. to test run it on our global, live 'support' mailbox.. :D Well.. You might guess what happened.. Apparently I mistyped the name of the move-destination folder (because imap-weird-things) that resulted in a completly empty mailbox and an empty database because the inserts failed due to bad encoding and mime-type issues..

The moment I refreshed my Outlook and noticed that all our mails where gone.. I swear, I can't describe that feeling of fear, cold sweat, intense heartbeat... I just stood up, asked if anyone wanted coffee, and just walked out of the office.. When in the hallway, I heard my collegues ask to one another "do you have any issues with outlook, all my mails are gone?". Everyone was stressing out, the chief was stressing out "what happened?!", nobody knew what happened.. :D

They could partially resolve it via one collegue who hadn't refreshed the mailbox and he could forward all the mails back to our support mailbox..

I dropped the project idea and learned to work with dev environments :D A couple of months later, I accidentially forgot a where condition in my SQL UPDATE statement, but that was the last time I seriously f*cked up.. :D Got to learn the hard way I guess.. Now everything I do runs in dev environments, I test everything before publishing,.. When I look back.. I don't even recognize the (inexperienced) guy I was back then ! :D

Ps. No one still knows what happened that day and they blamed it on server issues :D

Just reviewed collegues code: 80 lines of if statements that are so long that I have to scroll sideways on my 27" screen. Just wrote the exact same thing in 5 minutes and 10 lines! If you don't know how to use loops in your code please learn something different and stop pissing off skilled devs 😡

When you tell collegue A that you are nominating collegue B for the "Bleep award" (the person that swears alot) and person B overhears some words and comes to see what's up and says.

B: what's happeneing here?
A: we nominating people for awards
B: fuck that shit

I'm actually happy with my vote now

I spent my last 2 months refactoring a crazy panel.
No one understood how that panel was working...I was feeling like the technological version of the chimney sweep.
I could almost breathe frustration.

So... what's your worst experience about refactoring old crazy codes?

Back to work after vacation.
And WTF do my collegues ignore the hardware failures and save that shit for me?

I not sure what is worst, an arrogant client full of demands or anti professional collegues who don't respect you and try to subvert your work

I just found out last Friday that my team collegues (all of them are team leads) are suffering from depression or the so called burn out syndrom. I guess it's my boss' fault. He never gives clear jobs, changes his mind from day to day, we have to manage unclear responsibilities and the baddest thing is that we think that our boss is too stressed out himself.

Do you have any advice for me how we as team could solve that besides changing employer? One thing to mention is, that my boss likes to hear himself talking. That makes it even harder for a guy like myself who is more or less introverted to come up with good arguments which are not overheard or overtalked immediately. What are your feedback strategies to your own boss, how do you bring such stuff on the table?

I fear that when nothing happens, my company will suffer very hard when the whole product engineering departement will fall apart (¼ of the whole company and is responsible for engineering and maintaining of internal services and managed services for our customers).

Well at least it was worth writing about it, maybe my subconcious mind will come up with a brilliant idea itself in the near future in some asynchronous way. But you might be the one with that valuable input, then don't hesitate to share, it will be welcome.

Corona times and remote work be like:
hm, can't connect to my pc at work again. Why is it down? Whatever
*starts writing to collegues asking if anyone is physically present and could kick (aka. boot.) the pc.*

ah yes, fun times

The programming things I've seen in code of my uni mates..

Once seen, cannot be unseen.

- 40 if's in 10 lines of code (including one-liners) for a mineswepper game
- looping through a table of a known size using while loop and an 'i' variable
- copying same line of code 70 times but with different arguments, rather than making a for loop (literally counting down from 70 to 0)
- while loop that divides float by 2 until it's n < 1 to see if the number is even (as if it would even work)

..future engineers

PS. What are the things you've been disgusted by while in uni? I'm talking about code of your collegues specifically, I'm also attaching code of my friend that he sent me to "debug", I've replaced it with simple formula and a 2D distance math, about 4 lines of code.

One of my collegues:(C#)

A(him): i need to do a helper to transform 2 fields from a class that are DateTimeOffset to another offset. I want to create a new class that do that and to instantiate where i need it.
B(me): use extensions, they are nicer and they fit better in this case. Also if you want to use a helper just make a static function.
A: it's too complicated
B: Why?
A: Nevermind..

FUCK OFF!

Hey guys and girls,

follow up rant on my apprenticeship situation. I talked to Jo (my trainer). I told him I need more supervision and either someone who teaches me the stuff I need to know to meet the requirements from Hugo (my department mananger) or some further education. Because otherwise I'm not able to write producion ready code. (Keep in mind: I'm a fucking trainee who started their apprenticeship 6 months ago!)
Jo is more than happy to help me and make sure I'll get everything i need. Sadly he has to speak with Hugo and get his ok.
Hugo thinks 2 das of school/week is enough training. (Regardless of the fact that we don't even learn the same languages there we use in our projects.) I told him that way I won't be able to finish my projects.
I hope he reconsiders. How should I learn if nobody's there to teach me? (My collegues are to occupied fixing bugs and implementing new features/ don't know the languages either.)

If Hugo keeps this mindset I have to contact the IHK (a german institution which keeps an eye on apprenticeships).

I thought after drinking some beer my collegues will go cool but they started fight each other 😓

Life is good when you're responsible only for your task, code you write.

While i had souch a beautiful life, I could come to wrk, make coffe, magic and be happy. Sometimes it would be fast, sometimes slow. Sometimes I had to learn before implementing, sometimes I just needed to code it down. I had working hours. I had only TL and client to deal with.

If you dislike working with your collegues, imagine being responsible for their work and feel good.

Buying CryptoKitties at work. Teamed up with my boss and some collegues. I love this workplace 😄

!tech
yesterday i completed around 5 months of working out 5 days/week. this has been incredibly hard as i never worked out for more than 2 days in my 24 years on earth.

but i took a pic of mine in the mirror and my fat belly gave me the most depressing sight to see and question whether it was worth the effort.

i mean, surely i can do 50+ pushups now and have started seeing a few changes in shoulder/ chest area, and a few friends/collegues have appreciated my working out habit , but not getting out the only area that i want to go away, this sucks :/

tbh my plan was to see where this experiment of creating a new hobby goes and i did not do the hard steps (like doing cardio more than body part workouts and taking calorie deficit diet). am also a vegan and didn't consumed any fitness products like creaine nd stuff, so not a very nutrition rich diet.

guess i can't ignore the hard steps anymore . just once in my life if i could get a split chiseled stomach :/ (and maybe some cute girlfriend)

My first job wasn't as good as i hoped to be.
I had to do a content update to a overly plugined worpress site.
But non of my collegues could give me the code for the site to actually do something. I only could use the wordpress admin page.

My colleagues had to use a shitty php framework which was developed by an other company. They were so stressed..
After i talked to them they told me that everyone wants to leave the company.
And the boss was an arrogant asshole.

I left after a weak.

Started a new role as a front end developer working with React, happy that i finaly won't have to work with wordpress anymore, having a great hope that I will learn from the best with my team, and then ... COVID-19 ... I have to work from home

first task, implement a feature on a react front end build with react boilerplate, first time seeing this repo and dispair quickly took over, there is no documentation except for clone and install, the code is a mess, the console is filled with errors and warnings ...

I did what I could, but it was not enought, my n+1 didn't complain but if I was him i'd fire my ass with no regret, now I understood why almost all my collegues are working as a backend devs.

I don't fear being fired, I fear the feeling of being not good, feeling useless, each morning I stare at the code and I become illiterate, I can't even touch a keyboard, now I don't know what to do, fixing this shitty app, trying to build something with react boilerplate and try to understand how the data flow, or continue my endless tutorial hell .

public Person Birthday ( Person Me ) {
Me.Age++;
return Me;
}

Almost got away this year, quitting time before collegues caught it.

TL;DR: idiot 'team leader' does mindless merge to master. Precious time wasted in a high pressure deadline environment.

So, i work currently at one of Belgiums largest consulting company's at brussels airport, we are moving their analytics platform to the cloud.

We use puppet to manage the systems.

When i started i noticed immediately that their 'development workflow' is hardly to be named as such, because they simply change stuff directly on server , manual 'temporary' fixes everywhere, hardcoded stuff, non validated code... Basically the way one would develop in their garage, not in a consulting company as this one. But that is just the beginning.

A month ago i did a major effort to equalize all the discrepancies between the codebase and the server. Ensured entire codebase to be validated, syntax checked, parsed, tested... It works. A 'great codebase overhaul' commit was PR'ed to master and got merged.

Yesterday the team lead, i'll call him 'B-tard' from here on, has also 'equalized the discrepancies between codebase, server and the restnof the stale branches on the repo' . i was doing my other work on my branch so no fucks given. This is where i should have given some fucks.

Anyways, today. The day starts every day with merging the master branch into your working branh because you need the latest working codebase, right?

Wrong!
This fucking dipshit smug b-tard has done a mindless merge of the entire codebase, effectively removing ALL validated working code for provisioning servers. Control blocks, lookup functions, lambda's... Basically everything he did not understand.

At the same time the project is already way beyond the allotted budget in pkney and time, so there is a huge pressure to have a working 'production' environment TODAY!

THIS MOTHERFUCKING B-TARD JUST MADE THAT IMPOSSIBLE.

i'm loving this assignment, i'm loving the PM, the collegues, the environment, the location... everything. All but this fuckibg b-tard that somehow got his position by sucking dick or licking ass or both...

I wanna get out asap.

Oh... While typing this and arriving at the room of the office... It is locked, i have no key.

Fucking asshole!

Programming. Where listening to music and ignoring collegues means you're hard at work.

My colleagues have a new challenge at work: Sing the most annoying music when arrive so that it sticks in your head all day!

I hate this situation.
When (some of) your collegues are spies and yes-men...and you are powerless in avoiding the collapse of the project due to bad decisions.

A week ago me and my classroom visited Pentalog and they Presented us in major terms how they're teams work and what is mostly going on in an IT consulting company. It was pretty cool. I loved every job or position they presented except Scrum Master and the person who manages the database.
I saw most of them how nice they were how they got along, it makes it hard for me to understand how many ranters are crying about relationships with other collegues. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I figured out how to skip 2 months of development so we could launch Long ahead of schedule.
Question is should I tell them or do it? I don't feel like it really as I've been treated like shit and am looking for a New job.

It will take the stress off collegues, perhaps as a goodbye gift when I leave I'll put it on a thumb drive and give it if I feel bad.

After my Holiday i was totaly rested... But a week ago three collegues and myself started a side project... It is soo hard to get up these days!

Best and worst part of being a dev?

The side projects

My dream was to have collegues that teaches me different approach on developing and will never be selfish, and now i have that! teamwork at its best! sometimes we have discussions when our logic doesn't match and in the end, we'll come up on better ideas.. :)

I'm feeling guilty.
I've a lot of fun hearing the flautolence wich comes out from the mouth of my brain farters collegues in my university. I usually fake being a mediocre student who never worked nor programmed anything else except the stupid exercises related to the exams. Yesterday a collegue come out saying: WOAH, YOU'RE USING LINUX!
Good, nice deduction my dear Sherlock.
The best had to come.
The genius decided to mocks me up telling: YOU KNOW IF YOU TYPE sudo rm -rf / IN THE CMD YOU MAKE YOUR COMPUTER FASTER?
Before I processed that he's not serious i answered "no, rm just remov..." and I saw the beaten look in his eyes because the joke misersbly failed. So i proceeded: "hahaha, fun. Anyway i could rm -undo to fix the mess".
As soon i finished the sentence he ran on him laptop and boots up the VM to try...

I am so tired of working for big multinationals with lots of collegues.

It feels like you are expected to remember -everything- anyone ever said at some point in time.

I honestly can't keep track of all decisions made in the past ten meetings in the last week, what all other twelve teams are working on or the personal preferences of somebody on the other end of the globe.

I just want to write code. Is that so much to ask?

I just realized that my collegues don't like my new mechanical keyboard, while I like it very much. I told them that it's not that noisy, it's only a different sound. I demonstrated that typing on a not mechanical keyboard with brute force! Now they like it.

TFW your collegues rename and refactor everything, don't comment on their commits and then break EVERYTHING when you merge their changes into your branch. FFS.

Today I submitted to code review the first iteration of a microservice done with Ramda and flow by request of my collegues. This is the first time they look at anything similar to functional code or typed js, and only one of them took the time to actually do a review.

I really like having my code reviewed and reviewing others', but please don't pester me to make a PR for a microservice you'll never look only to bail off as soon as you see something new that scares you. Buckle up and learn new stuff!