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Search - "dry run"
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To all the people giving advice in my previous rant (https://devrant.com/rants/1627035/...), thanks!
I've spent a weekend running high and naked through the forest, and decided to quit my job.
Fuck PHP. Fuck Laravel. Fuck hipster startup companies. Rasmus Lerdorf, Taylor Otwell and my CEO can all go suck each other's cocks in a sloppy mess of saliva, cum and type errors.
I'm so sick of spinach smoothies and weakly typed languages. All active record ORMs are retarded, VueJS is worse than JQuery, Fatal error: Call to a member function iHatePHP() on null. WHY DOES PHP EVEN HAVE METAPROGAMMING METHODS, WHY THE FUCK DOES LARAVEL CHOOSE EASY OVER SAFE.
I'm going to use my heavily abused Macbook to surf out of this mess, on a collapsing wave of unresolved bugs.
On to the next PHP/Laravel job at a hipster startup!26 -
Do you ever feel coding fatigue?
My dev mana has run dry, I've hit my rate limit.
That moment where your brain thinks "I should finish building this React project, it's good for my portfolio" or "I should really work on fixing this query performance issue, I already know what the problem is" — but your stomach churns at the thought of having to interpret even a single line of code?
The last few days it really does feel like a physical illness, a nauseated feeling whenever I open an IDE. I have written about 12 lines of code since Monday.
It goes beyond writer's block, it's not a lack of focus or inspiration, it's a big knot in my head of everything that's wrong and inconsistent in development, and it causes feelings of dread, desperation and revulsion when trying to wrap my head around the simplest stuff.
Does anyone have good tips to overcome this feeling, something faster and less savings-account-destroying than "take a sabbatical year and travel the world riding an emu"? (seems tempting though)57 -
Every day.
I am a PHP developer.
Yeah, "another PHP is awful" rant... no, not really.
It's just unsuitable for some ambitious projects, just like Ruby and Python are.
First of all, DO NOT EVER use Laravel for large enterprise applications. The same goes for RoR, Django, and other ActiveRecord MVCs.
They are all neat frameworks for writing a todo app, as a better-than-wordpress flexible blogging solution, even as a custom webshop.
Beyond 50k daily users, Active Record becomes hell due to it's lazy fat querying habits. At more than a million users... *depressed sigh*.
PHP is also completely unsuitable for projects beyond 5M lines of code in my opinion. At more than 25M lines... *another depressed sigh*.
You can let your devs read Clean Code and books about architecture patterns, you can teach them about SOLID & DRY, you can write thousands of tests... it doesn't matter.
PHP is scaffolding, it's made of bamboo and rope. It's not brick or concrete. You can build quickly, but it only scales up to a certain point before it breaks in multiple places.
Eventually you run into patterns where even 100% test coverage still doesn't guarantee shit, because the real-life edge cases are just too complex and numerous.
When you're working on a multi-party invoicing system with adapters for various tax codes, or an availability/planning system working across timezones, or systems which implement geographical routefinding coupled to traffic, event & weather prediction...
PHP, Python, Ruby, etc are just missing types.
Every day I run into bugs which could have been prevented if you could use ADTs in a generic way in PHP. PHP7 has pretty good typehints, and they prevent a lot of messy behavior, but they aren't composable. There is no way to tell PHP "this method accepts a Collection of Users", or "this methods returns maybe either an Apple or a Pear, and I want to force the caller to handle both Apple/Pear and null".
Well, you could do that, but it requires a lot of custom classes and trickery, and you have to rewrite the same logic if you want to typehint a "Collection of Departments" instead of "Collection of Users" -- i.e., it's not composable.
Probably the biggest issue is that languages with a (mostly) structural type system (Haskell, Rust, even C#/JVM languages to some degree, etc) are much slower to develop in for the "startup" era of a project, so you grab a weak, quick prototyping language to get started.
Then, when you reach a more grown up phase, you wish you had a better type system at your disposal...28 -
(Interview for sde-3 position)
(continuation of https://devrant.com/rants/2132431/... )
Interviewer - *opens laptop. Gives a question.* solve this.
Me - *a bit surprised that such questions were being asked on a sde-3 level*
this is the 4th or 5th question from geeksforgeeks, isn't it? I know the answer to this. Do u still want me to solve it?
Interviewer - *not believing me* Yes
Me - okay. Well this *writing down the original solution mentioned on the site* is the verbatim code mentioned on the website, with complexity O(n^2).
However I feel this is not the optimal solution. Let me write a better solution.
*I provide a better solution*
This has a complexity of O(n log n) . What do you think?
Interviewer - Nope. This could be a lot better.
Me - okay. Let me see. Did some minor changes, added some caching (obviously this will have no effect on the base algorithm) etc
How about now?
Interviewer - nope. Still not good.
Me - okay. Can you tell me how to improve it?
Interviewer - no we are not allowed to solve problems for you. It is not our interview, it is yours.
Me - that makes no sense. Interviews are a two way street. I'd very much like to know the optimal answer to this.
Interviewer - okay
*copies down the answer from geeksforgeeks*
This is good
Me - *at first I thought this was a prank or something. *
I just mentioned this answer here.
Then I spent the next 10 minutes providing a BETTER solution.
May I know how yours is better?
Interviewer - this solution has 2-3 loops. Yours has a function calling itself.
Me - that's called divide and conquer using recursion mf!
Anyways let's take an example and do a dry run.
Interviewer - okay
*we do dry run*
Interviewer - oh yes. Yours ran faster. But it will run fast only sometimes.
Me - yes. Each time the algorithm rolls a dice to decide if it should run fast or slow. You have one goddamn awesome weed dealer man.
I got to go. Thank you for meeting me.14 -
#Gitlab is currently doing a Dry Run before actual migration on August 11.
In the linked blog-post I found this note:
NOTE to users in Crimea, Cuba, Iran, North Korea, Sudan, and Syria: GitLab.com may not be accessible after the migration to Google. Google has informed us that there are legal restrictions that are imposed for those countries.11 -
In the Ruhr area (Germany) we have some very old, very strange words with strange meanings. One of those words is ‚Prutscher‘.
A Prutscher refers to a person who does things but never gets a good result, due to lack of knowledge or simple carelessness. Most of the time, Prutschers are people who are interested in certain subjects and often work in the related jobs, but who lack the motivation to properly train themselves, learn what there is to learn and to always keep up with their technologies .
Here are a few examples I've stumbled upon so far in my career:
- Developers in their 60's who read a book about PHP 25 years ago and decided to become a software developer. Since then haven't read anything about it. Who then now build huge spaghetti monoliths for large companies, in which they prefix every function, every variable and constant with their initials and, of course, use Hungarian notation.
- People who read half a fucking tutorial about <insert any fancy js framework here> and start blogging/tweeting about it
- Senior web developers who need to be told what the fuck CORS is and who can't even recognize CORS related errors in their browser console.
- People who have done nothing else for 18 years than building websites for companies on Wordpress 1.x and writing few lines of PHP and Javascript from time to time. Those who are now applying as a frontend dev due to the difficult economic situation and are surprised that they are not accepted due to a lack of experience.
- Developers who are the only ones working on Windows in the team and ask their Linux colleagues for help when Windows starts bitchin.
- People who have been coding for 30 years, have worked with ~42 languages and don't know the difference between compiled and interpreted languages in the job interview.
- Chief developers at a large newsletter-publisher who think it's a good idea to build your own CMS (due to a lack of good existing ones, of course).
- Developers who have been writing PHP applications for multinational corporations for 25 years and cannot explain how PHP is executed. They don't even know what the fucking OPcache is, let alone fpm. FML
- People who call themselves professional developers but never ever heard of DRY, KISS, boy-scout rule, 12-Factor App, SOLID, Clean Code, Design Patterns, ...
- Senior developers wondering why the bash script won't run on their fucking Windows machine.
- Developers who consider Typescript to be a hindrance and see no value in it.
- Developers using ftp for deployments in 2022
- Senior Javascript Developer applying for a job and for whom Integer is a primitive data type in JS.
- Developers who prefer to code without frameworks and libraries because they are only an unnecessary burden/overhead and you can quickly code everything up yourself.
- Developers who think configuring their server(s) manually is a good idea.
You fucking Prutscher. What you have already cost me in terms of work and nerves. I can't even put it into words how deeply I despise you. I have more respect for the chewing gum that has been stuck in my damn trash can for the past 3 years than I do for you guys. You are the disgrace of our profession. I will haunt you in your dreams and prefix every fucking synapse of your brain with MY initials.
As a well-known german band once sang in a very fitting song: I wouldn't even piss on you if you were on fire.
If you recognized yourself in one of the examples here: FUCK YOU!29 -
Soo my dad has a food printer he uses to print edible images on cakes our customers order. The food printer needs to run at least once a week (regularly) to kinda guarantee not to get fucked up with its ink, as that can damage the printer when it's dry. My dad though doesn't have regular orders...
The printer has a standard function to test all colors.
My dad asked me how this task could be managed regularly, as I'm the IT guy 🙄. His idea was to log all the dates on paper.
Now I'm trying to automate this task via Windows so we don't have to care about papers to manually log when the next test must run. On Windows the printer settings can be accessed to run this color check.
... I've got a feeling this will be another one of those tasks that I will overengineer over the top😅. I've already done my research with automated batch jobs (never done batch before) but the normally proposed code for a "Düsentestmuster", so the color check, prints a different overview I was not expecting, which doesn't fit the purpose.
Now I'm here and, as I currently see no way of simplifying it, I have to kinda simulate a person that opens these settings and runs this check. With Python, pyautogui and Tesseract OCR, to prevent the program from clicking anything wrong. Although I'm sure there should be an easier way for this, I haven't found it, so I guess I have to proceed on this path and take the experience I gain as a bonus...10 -
This might not resonate with many ranters here... but FUCK Taylor Otwell & Graham Campbell.
Like, not on a personal level. Maybe they're great to drink a beer with. But as framework devs... fuck everything about them.
Laravel seems so nice, it takes away many annoyances of developing in PHP. Collections are the array object you've always needed. The route bindings, middlewares, request validation objects, it's all sweet.
But eventually your company serves a few million customers, you run into specific performance problems or missing features on a deeper level. You open the issue tracker... and see a few hundred issues about the problems you are encountering, they already exist.
Some just have a short paragraph with a request for a feature, some complete PRs with tests in the style of the framework. All of them closed.
Reasons?
"We don't think anyone will ever need this"
"This seems complicated, you can just do <super non-DRY hacky code>"
FUCK YOU WITH YOUR TODO APP SNIPPETS AND USER-POST-ARTICLE EXAMPLES. I'M NOT BUILDING THE NEXT WORDPRESS. I'M DEALING WITH THE REALITY OF GRAPH DATABASE CLUSTERS, COMPLEX AUDITING LOGS AND A GAZILLION QUERIES PER SECOND.
Sigh... the problem with all these "simple" and "elegant" languages & frameworks is that they don't fucking scale.
Not because the language, server or framework intrinsically can't do it, but because the maintainers are stuck thinking in terms of their retarded non-realistic example apps.
I think I'll go back to my cave and write some Haskell or Rust to calm down.2 -
Most web developers don't seem to care at all about ecological footprint and UX/UI impact on people and society, like they never cared about accessibility either, desperately dreaming to work for the Californian oligopoly companies that shaped our current digital infrastructure.
Meanwhile, rivers run dry, forest are burning, people starving and soldiers killing people.
But politics is taboo, even on devrant. Let's post a funny thank-God(?!)-it's-Friday GIF animation instead!?
What kind of people do we want to be?14 -
i was about to talk about golang - but it can wait.
snapchat's discover section is TERRIBLE. the amount of BULLSHIT, INCORRECT INFORMATION, AND PURE IDIOCY IS MAKING IT TERRIBLE.
now, usually, i rant about mashable when i say it's terrible. AT LEAST WHEN MASHABLE WROTE ABOUT THIS THEY WERE CORRECT. but no, alas, my faith in humanity is put to an all time end. a new evil has arose, by the name of "wired."
of course, and incredibly late to the party, a "tech" outlet wrote about bitcoin. the headline was "is bitcoin killing the planet?" IT HAS BEEN POSSIBLY THE STUPIDEST ARTICLE IVE READ OF ALL TIME. THEY CLEARLY HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT ANY SHIT THEYRE TALKING ABOUT.
let's take a look at the TWO facts they got wrong, and displayed to over a MILLION people.
now, instead of just GOOGLING TWO SIMPLE FACTS, THEY DECIDED TO JUST WRITE RANDOM SHIT.
ENOUGH WAITING - HERE THE THE TWO FACTS THEY GOT WRONG
picture 1: bitcoin up $900 in the last year? THE LAST MOTHER FUCKING, COCK SUCKING
.
.
.
YEAR?!?
WHY DO SUCH DUMBASSES HAVE ACCESS TO SOMETHING MILLIONS VIEW?
IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE
picture two: the actual fuck????
did i just read that?
b- bi- bitcoin will "run dry" BY 2032.
i think i finally figured it out.
these facts, they're literally just random number.
<thoughtBubble>
i can see it now:
wired employee 1: hey, guess what number im thinking of?
wired employee 2: 14?
wired employee 1: *screaming* BITCOIN WILL RUN DRY IN 14 YEARS
</thoughtBubble>
how do these people get hired. do they hire only hire 12 year old interns? im genuinely asking. does anyone know?
okay, end of rant. plz continue complaining about dumbasses who have power thru the media in tech8 -
Note to self: Always do a dry run first when you have --delete-before using rsync.
Long story short I wanted to restore some folders from my external HDD to the home directory on my laptop XD I should have specified the exact folders 😹2 -
The year was 2006. During the first half of my career, I use to work in the NOC. This was before I made my transition to software engineer. I worked on the third shift for a bank services company. The company was on a down turn. Just years earlier they just went public, and secured a deal with a huge well known bank. Eventually they entered a really bad contract with the bank and was put into a deal they couldn't deliver on. The partnership collapse and their stock plummeted. The CEO was dismissed, and a new CEO came in who wanted to "clean things up".
Anyway I entered the company about a year after this whole thing went down. The NOC was a good stepping stone for my career. They let me work as many hours as I liked. And I took advantage of it, clocking in 80 hours a week on average. They gave me the nick name "Iron Man".
Things started to turn around for the company when we were able to secure a support contract with a huge bank in the Alabama area. As the NOC we were told to handle the migration and facilitate the onboarding.
The onboarding was a mess with terrible instructions that didn't work. A bunch of software packages that crashed. And the network engineers were tips off, as they tunnel between our network and the banks was too narrow, creating an unstable connection between us and them. Oh, and there were all sorts of database corruption issues.
There was also another bank that was using an old version of our software. The sells team had been trying to get them off our old software for over a year. They refuse to move. This bank was the last one using this version, and our organization wanted to completely cut support.
One of the issue we would have is that they had an overnight batch job that had an ETA to be done by 7 AM. The job would often get stuck because this version of the software didn't know how to fail when it was caught in an undesired state. So the job hung, and since the job didn't have logging, no one could tell if it failed unless the logs stopped moving for an hour. It was a heavily manually process that was annoying to deal with. So we would kill the JVM to "speed" the job up. One day I killed the JVM but the job was still late. They told me that they appreciated the effort, but that my job was only to report the problem and not fix it.
This got me caught up in a major scandal. Basically they wanted the job to always have issues everyday. Since this was critical for them, all we needed to do was keep reporting it, and then eventually this would cause the client to have to upgrade to our new software. It was our sales team trying to play dirty. It immediately made me a menace in the company.
For the next 6 months I was constantly harassed and bullied by management. My work was nitpicked. They asked me to come into work nearly everyday, and there was a point I worked 7 days with no off days. They were trying to run me so dry that I would quit. But I never did.
On my last day at the company, I was on a critical call with a customer, and my supervisor was also on the line. My supervisor made a request that made no sense, and was impossible. I told her it wasn't possible. She then scalded me on the call in front of customers. She said "I'm your supervisor, you're just a NOC technician, you do what I say and don't talk back". It was embarrassing to be reprimanded on a call with customers. I never quite recovered from that. I could fill myself steaming with anger. It was one of the first times in my adult life that I felt I really wanted to be violent towards someone. It was such a negative feeling I quit that day at the end of my shift with no job lined up.
I walked away from the job feeling very uncertain about my future, but VERY relieved. I paid the price, basically unable to find a job until a year and a half later. And even was forced to move back in with my mother. After I left, the company still gave my a severance. Probably because of the supervisor's unprofessional conduct in front of customers, and the company probably needed to save face. The 2008 crash kept me out of work until 2009. It did give me time to work on myself, and I swore to never let a job stress me out to that degree. That job was also my last NOC job and the last job where did shift work. My next few jobs was Application Support and I eventually moved into development full time, which is what I always wanted to do.
Anyway sorry if it's a bit long, but that's my burnout story. -
About half an year ago, I literally fought with my DS teacher for half an hour in front of whole class,
REASON:
That dude couldn't saw the infinite while loop on his BINARY SEARCH algo hand written on board...
I mean come on dude, binary search is one of the simplest algo, and he didn't agreed with me until he dry run his written code(PS: the only thing I liked about him...HE KNOWS HOW TO DRY RUN)....
Scariest part: He was supposed to teach us trees and graphs in about a month
And it was my first day in that class -
Debugging a task, that's sending emails to too many customers.
Supervisor: "Never mind, just test in production, there is a dry run flag for the tasks."
Just in case I test locally...
Flags tried:
--dryrun="TRUE" => Error, failed to send mail.
--dryrun=TRUE => Error, failed to send mail.
--dryrun="true" => Not trying to send mail.
If it's THIS PICKY a little more documentation would be nice.
And by a little more I mean: more than the task base class in a giant php monstrosity without phpdocs expecting its code to be self-documenting. -
So this past few days of a mix bag of emotions. Friday's weekly deliverables on our first dry run at launch, I squeeze across the line in an embarrassing finish. Decision to proceed with the live run to be delayed, not going to happen if I've got something to say about it.
Next day, vendor on the house my wife has purchased (our first!!) and says we can move the settlement date ahead 4 weeks! Winning!
Monday, meeting with all stakeholders on the fuck up that was my deliverables I'm responsible for, granted a conditional pass. "Don't worry, I got this."
Tuesday, received the results of a technical challenge I've given one of the developer candidates - he smashed it. Keen to give him the job! -
Being victim of an arbitrary worplace's culture on dev experience and documentation makes me a very frustrated dev.
Often I do want to document, and by that, I don't mean laying an inline comment that is exactly the function's name, I mean going full technical writer on steroids. I can and WILL get very verbose, yes, explaining every single way you can use a service - no matter how self explanatory the code might look.
I know developers (and me included) can, and sometimes will, write the best variable and function names at the time, wondering if they reached the peak of clean, DRY code that would make Robert Martin have a seizure and piss himself, only to find weeks later after working on something else that their work is unreadable. Of course.
I know the doc's public, it's me, and I've done this.
But then again explain for the people in the back how the FUUUUCK are we meant to suggest improvements, when we are not the ones who are prioritising features and shit WITH the business?
Just email me when the fucking team recycles, and no new team member knows how to even setup the IDEs because this huge piece of monumental shit called CompanyTM is also run by VPN. Fuck, no one wants to access that garbage, you have no docs.
I once tried setting up a culture for documentation. I did an herculean amount of work studying what solutions were internally homologated, how steep the learning curve would be from what we had at the moment (NOTHING, WE HAD FUCKING NOTHING, jesus christ, I even interviewed SEVENTEEN other squads to PROVE they FUCKING NEED
DOCS
TO WORK
You know what happened to that effort?
It had a few "clap" reactions on a Teams meeting and it never reached the kanban.
It didn't even made it to backlog.
I honestly hope that, someday, an alien fenomenon affects the whole company, making their memories completely reset, only to have the first one - after the whole public ordeal on why our brains became milkshake -, to say: "oh, boy, I wish we had documented this".
Then I will bring them to the back and shoot them. -
When you got to get through the swarm of elective classes to get to the meat of the bones in a Software Development degree 😤
How many times do we need to take Math in order to get across that we only use like 1/4 of what is actually thought and apply it to IRL scenarios?!
My FASFA is gonna run dry at this rate and I just wanna start these Software Development classes already 🙄😭🙏1 -
(a slide acoustic guitar plays on the background and the cowboy starts speaking)
It was a dry october day, back in good old 2017. I had this job from a client that I never met and was doing some coding for money.
After days of no sleep, no food and no rest, I finally decided to take a nap so I paused my music.
It was at this moment I found out my machine was making funny noises. Like a dingo makin' a run from it's enemies with a whelping noise.
Clicked on my computer and tried to find an ol' file from the archive drive but the machine won't let me, sayin' the disk ain't ready yet.
I tried disk manager, disk scanner, whatever the tools at my disposal all in vain. Then I said what the hell, I'll just restart my machine and it'll be alright.
The machine rebooted but the disk was gone. It was dead like a deer I ran over. I was upset, but not aware of the calamity headin' my way.
In just a few days my other 2 disks died suddenly. The loss of data, all the effort, none of them mattered. I felt numb and decided it was time for a fresh start.
Plugged in a Windows install disk, started the sequence, a screen came up askin' me which damned and alive disk I wanna install the fresh OS. I had two same make and model SSD disks, chose the one thinkin' it was the Windows drive, hell it wasnt... It was with all "my documents", "downloads", "pictures" folders and now I had two SSD drives with two Windows installations and nothing else.
The folks in town took a dab at me for months, even the bartender of the salloon refused to give me a drink. Sayin' it was a matter of reputation...
Turned out the bastard who fried my disks was the Madde Dog PSU Tannen who had a bad temper so here I am, tellin' my story to milk breathers and cherishing old days of data...3 -
I've fucked up a really simple test. I didn't knew what to answer not even to the most stupid and simple questions in it. How can I run my own business, code my sites entirely, install, administrate and maintain every device and db we have or need, and yet can't be able to properly use cat?
I feel like a phony. Next thing I'm going to do (after cry and feel ashamed) is to stick my nose to the screens until I achieve the knowledge I miserably lack or until my eyeballs get dry.
I'd like to end with a 'see you later' but that's not guaranteed...2 -
Today at work, I had to do a dry run of our new production environment config for our VM server.
So I setup ESXi in a vm in my workstation. Installed it it, no problem. Setup some VMs, still going good. Then my supervisor came and said I have to make some tweaks and use vCenter. I thought: meh, that came late but ok. Download the vCenter installer from our internal CDN and ran it. Sorry general config, blah blah blah. "Setup with embedded or external platform service controller?" -"Embedded" - "minimal requirements: 11GB ram, 250GB disk storage, 2 CPU cores". Well... Fuck me. My workstation specs: 8 GB RAM, 128 GB SSD, 4 cores.
What the bloody fucking hell does this stuff need 250 GB disk space for?!
Well at least I've got a permanent upgrade for my workstation.1 -
I just read Robert Martin's chapter on the Single responsibility principle in Clean Architecture.
In it he explains that stakeholders, or actors, that require their own functionality that may be similar to others should have separated code. This is because 2 actors == 2 potential reasons for change.
But this seems to run counter to DRY. Am I mistaken?12 -
A client bought an extremely expensive piece of software that is so "high level enterprise" that when you do a dry-run of the installation it actually fills the database with application data and the real installation fails afterwards because of this. BadumTsssss
I am going to cry now m( -
I hate so much all those sprint related meetings. They literally take one day totalled (every 2 weeks).
Review, dry run demo, actual demo, planning, daily hourly meetings.... so much talking.8 -
That rabbit in my grandpa's left table drawer, in the home I grew at. I wanted to finally catch it, and kill it. I was bad with animals all along, especially this one. My grandpa died the year before I was born, and my grandma said we would've got along really well. So much to talk about, a scientist to an engineer. So, I travelled back, but my home somehow turned from a city stone-walled house into a half-soaked, decaying wooden one. I caught that rabbit though, but while I was holding it at its neck and twisting it, it somehow disappeared, distributed evenly as if I were twisting a crayon. I was trying to find it, but in that left drawer, among century-old pencils and that red liquid thermometer I played with as a kid, only a faded out, dusty duckling resided. I picked it up, and unlike the rabbit, it was paper, no, cigarette paper thin. It wasn't hostile. It wasn't trying to run away. It just turned from yellow to grey, feathers leaving my fingers covered in fine dust. I realized it will never die, dwelling and decaying there forever, happy.
I did my calculations, and I knew for a fact when and where the rabbit should've appeared. It was the middle drawer, not the left one. I opened it and looked in anticipation how something chewed through the bottom. I caught it, but it was no rabbit, it was an alive, rubber rat. The rubber was white turned grey, old, aged, dusty, probably Soviet. I poked the rat's eye with a pen rod, but the rat's body inflated a bit, leaving it invincible. It was mocking me.
Of the same white rubber, a ball appeared. I knew for a fact it was alive too, I felt the bones inside holding it. I found its lips, and was prying it open. The massive, dry mouth emerged, with a full set of human teeth, albeit wider and nastier ones. Huge eyes looked at me. It was alive, it was intelligent. It was my grandpa's personal financial assistant all along. It told me to leave the rat and the rabbit alone. He told me not to worry about the ducking, as it was in safe hands.
It made friends with my brother during the "blue age", when he was wearing thin, worn out rugs instead of clothes, tiny faded blue flowers on them, screaming and annoying my grandma he lived with in that room, not a single person other than the two in sight. The house was slowly submerging. The water was rising.2 -
While fucking my hot blonde gf this morning the Fucking DUREX condom BROKE and i creampied her. Here are the reasons why its not my fault:
1--Im not retarded
- 4 years of fcking my hot blonde gf with no protection and nothing ever happened cos im !retarded. Its a bigger risk to fuck with condom than without, how is this fucking normal???
2--I use condom the right way
- i was holding the tip so air comes out, just like it was explained on the box, but while rolling it down i was still holding the tip to make sure the air doesnt come back up
3--She was wet
- she wasnt dry. My hot blonde gfs pussy was so wet from how horny she was so its impossible that it got torn due to dryness
4--First verification
- it wasnt torn or ripped. It was normal. Everything looked absolutely fine
5--Second verification
- when i put it inside my hot blonde gf and fk her i pull it out in the first 10 seconds just to make sure it isnt torn--it was good and nothing was ripped so i slowly put it back inside
6--Condom is not thin
- i took the regular durex one (fuck this fucking dead fraud company I'll piss and shit on their grave) so it wasnt the thin bullshit one
7--Dont got a big black dick
- its normal. Average. Not small nor big. So latex elasticity isn't my problem
8--50-50%
- every FUcking time when i fked my hot blonde gf with a condom i always stressed if it'll break or not. This is not the first time it broke. FUCK the product that is THIS MUCH unreliable, unsafe and fragile! I'll fuck the whole durex company up. Im not the only one who had this problem. DUREX IS THE BIGGEST OVERRATED SCAM COMPANY SPENDING BILLIONS ON MARKETING FOR A LOW QUALITY SHIT PRODUCT THAT DOESNT EVEN WORK
9--Package didnt expire
- i bought a new box in the store on 8th march for womens day (modern women value having gifted with condoms more than flowers). It wasnt bought in a shit china quality shop. I fked her in the car at night and also creampied her but the condom did NOT break. Then i fked her this morning in bed with condom from the SAME BOX, and now it DID break. Are you Fucking kidding me???
10--Emergency contraception
- i died from high adrenaline of running so fast to the store to buy her contraception. Had to run to 4 fucking stores cause all of them don't work before 7:30am. Finally found one in the 4th store and she drank Escapelle within 20 minutes of incident, as soon as it was physically possible
11--And now what
- now what. What do i do. I did everything i could. Nothing is my fault. My hot blonde gf wanted me to creampied her it was her idea so shes at fault partially. She will get tested in 15 days while this contraception lasts. Dont know what else to try. This bullshit never happened before21 -
Teacher: always try of doing a dry run for minimising the error in your code
Me:ok let's try 10 cities for the travelling salesman problem