Ship it!

I have a bunch of contesters fort the worst interview.

#1 The Dishonest Ignorant

Me: *asks question*
#1: *stumbles*
Me: It's okay to say that you don't know.
#1: *continues to ramble on without making sense*
Me: Well, okay. That is all. I don't think that this will be a fit.

#2 The fraud

Me: How would you rate your knowledge in object orientated programming?
#2: Very advanced! I am an expert!
Me: Can you state the difference of an interface and an abstract class?
#2: *surprised pikachu-face* Well not that advanced!

#3 The trickster

During a skype call (without video):

Me: *asks question*
#3: *keyboard sounds aclacking*
Me: Are you googling?
#3: No *click clack click a clack* ... and to answer your question: *starts reading from the first search results*

The real bummer is, that in all of these cases, just saying "I don't know" would have been fine. (The "expert" OOP-guy would still have some explaining to do.)

It's not like that our interview process resolves around trick questions or that you'd get kicked out for getting one answer wrong. Though how can I trust somebody not to lie to me on a daily basis if they fake their interview?

We keep the interview relatively basic and rely on real-word coding exercise anyway and it helps us to get an idea on where we would gain support from them and where we need to support them.

As a developer you spend a lot of time learning new stuff anyways.

It blows my mind.

It was really tough to get the control back!

I told these people that this issue would happen. Did they listen? Nooo

It'll be fine, they say. We likely won't be having that much data returned to the front end, they say.

Day of the install. Web Application attempts to query 68,000 rows of data straight into the web page.

*Surprised Pikachu face* when they are consistently getting crashed browser tabs.

And now everything gets pushed back and we're behind by an entire month because they didn't heed my warnings.

Oh, and now I have to pick up after them, and do some stupid work arounds that will likely be defunct in a month or two. 🙄

Java as Pikachu

there is another team in our company that has its site in the US. we haven't been working with them for very long, but we do have some common topics on which we work loosely together and exchange some information from time to time. i have met the guys only once in person when they visited Germany.

PM asked one of the devs of this team if he could move to another time zone, so it would be easier for us in Europe to arrange meetings with him.

move to another timezone. within the US. to the other side of the country where there's noone he knows. also, no site of ours.
only so it's easier for PM to arrange fucking meetings with him.

can you believe that? i cringed so hard when PM told me about that. (of course the guy refused, shocked pikachu)
and when he thought aloud that maybe he should ask the guy to move to Germany, i told him that the colleague wouldn't do that and that this was a terrible idea. he was really surprised and asked "hmm, you think?"

dafuq, hell yeah i think?!

story of my life

*2 months ago manager forces me (frontend dev to work on backend) and he agrees to do that only until new year*
*new year arrives frontend dev wants to go back to frontend*
*manager surprised pikachu face*

I recently ranted so much about languages but here it goes

JS we need to talk. BECAUSE YOU GOT FAT AND UGLY STUPID BITCH! Dumb piece of bloatware. What even is your problem? Depending on a library for strpad and then blow up like Steve jobs ego. Bastardized fuckfest. I used to like you bro and then you screw me over!
It's like you fuck my wife while I try to fix your car. Why can't you even be usefully on your own anymore? I'd be richer than bill gates if I get a dollar for every damn framework people pull from their asses. Are you writing this fuck while shitting so you can compare colors of your outcome?

Normalize the fucking base, don't add to the bukkakke! bitch is drowning already. Why is everyone jerking of to react and angular? When have YOU written something in vanilla the last time? Why even bother? Remove the core and hardcore every damn framework into the browsers. Guess that saves you 200kb. Oh wait I forgot that's about unminified jQuery.

Now I need to load about 2GB of dependencies, some creating code that puts code in my code to load code out of my code which was generated out of something that remotely resembles JS so every browser is able to execute my fancy shit. But hey, it's fast. And of course there are the fanboys. You are worse than apple fags. You sample your own jizz with your friends in a wine glass. there was a Time it was bad practice to mix logic and view. Now you made it mandatory. "Browser does the rendering" ofc you imbecile pile of fuck don't show me a damn preloader for 1 picture and 20 lines of text. Who fucked your brain so hard?

So react seems to be the cool kid now, then I tell someone I know angular it's like showing up in a pikachu onsie to a formal dinner with the queen.

I used to love you girl. I loved how we could dirty things together. Now you are like a pig. Please loose weight bby the sight of you disgusts me nowadays

After mass layoffs my team went from 10 engineers to 4 with no drop in expectations. This was a ridiculous ask, everyone was burnt out and could not keep up. For some reason the geniuses in management gave me a bad performance review despite me doing 2 to 3 full time workloads.

That day I put in applications and got an offer in less than a month from one of them. Put in my notice and suddenly it was surprised Pikachu face. Now they are down to 3 engineers and admitted it would be months before they had the revenue to even backfill my position.

Good riddance.

I just got e-mail:

"Sunsetting Mercurial support in Bitbucket

After much consideration, we've decided to remove Mercurial support bla bla bla crocodile tears bla bla..."

So basically, Bitbucket started out as a Mercurial repository hosting platform. After GitHub's rise in popularity, they decided "hey, everyone's welcome, both Hg and Git!" Then it became Git and "okay Hg too, but shhh don't tell anyone". Now they FINALLY completed running it into the ground: "Only 1% of repositories are Mercurial" - yeah no shit sherlock, after actively hiding the fact you support it, people don't find out you support it! Surprised Pikachu! Oh congrats, Atlassian. You're so smart.

Mercurial support was the sole reason I had repositories there. I mean, for Git we already have GitHub, GitLab and others. So what's their unique selling point again? What's that, the sound of crickets? Thought so.

So after that, hopefully they change the name to "Gitbucket". Or preferably "Bitfuckit".

"Detective Pikachu" actually looks fucking amazing. Pikachu is voiced by RYAN REYNOLDS and it's a movie that recognizes that a lot of original Pokemon players are adults now, and balances that well with their current target audience of children. I am very, very excited.

When you're lazy to implement a little feature you thought about but the feature gets implemented anyway because of some bug in your code..

True story btw

After 4 years of professional programming the most important thing that I learned is "user is stupid".
Once I modified old code that was summing salaries (I added extra column to the result), nothing else. My result was rejected because all salaries was empty. Period of data was from first day of the month from user selected date to user selected date. It turned out that user was selecting 27th day of the month (it was 27th then). I responded that salaries have full month period, and you'll have to choose end of the month... And then shitstorm began, that I messed up previous functionality. I tried to explain, but it wasn't working. It ends up with user selecting any date and I'm doing end-of-the-month in the background^^
It's my first rant, welcome to you all :)

1 on 1 meetings with manager throughout the year

Manager: You're doing really well! Keep it up!
Me: Cool, thanks!

1 on 1 meetings with my manager a month or two ago

Manager: You're still killing it! I'd really like to see you challenge the status quo since you're the newest on the team. I think we could benefit from fresh perspective.
Me: Ok, cool, I'm starting to feel pretty comfortable so I'll do that.
Me: *starts challenging process, team structure, and company norms in meetings*
Manager: *confused pikachu face*

1 on 1 meetings now, right before performance management

Manager: I really need you to start picking up more important work. You're not performing well relative to others at your level, and I won't be able to represent you well during performance management.
Me: 😐

I'm learning for a certification and found this while flipping through the glossary. Uhm... okay :D

That moment, when you found Pikachu but not able to catch him.

*writing bot to automate*

Me when writing 'Hello world' programs

That moment when you have more comments than ++

- Genie!
- Yes lord?
- Please make Mendix modeler Linux compatible so I can remove fcking Windows os
- "insert shocked Pikachu meme here"

Those pikachu days were ♥️✨

Web Ops Director: [looking at a screenshot of changes she had requested] This looks good. Oh by the way, revert that red color for heading text.

Me: I’m not reverting anything because there’s nothing for me to revert. I didn’t touch that text color. The website has always looked like that.

Director: [shocked pikachu face]

!rant

If the detective Pokémon movie doesn't have team rocket I'm gonna revolt!

Not in prod today, but was part of a group project that we handed in and which got us an A.

The project was to write a PID controller for a robot that would drive along a track using a sensor to follow markings on the floor. During development we were drawing graphs of the PID parameters and sensor input every tick, which caused a bit of lag but no worries - we'll turn it off for the trial runs.

Imagine our pikachu shock meme when we turned off the graphs and our calibrations were suddenly *way* off since we had been oversteering all along to compensate for the lag.

There wasn't enough time to optimize it before the deadline and using sleeps didn't produce the same "type" of lag, so we just made the graph minimize itself when it opened. To this day I wonder if the professor ever saw it or if we got the A despite it.

New Office gave me an admin protected machine with limited access to users, but I have successful installed Android studio and sdk for flutter learning and Node setup for side hustles.

**Admins would give pikachu surprise face if they find out.

Me teaching my SO some coding:

"Oops permission error. Run the same command but start with `sudo`."
"What does `sudo` mean?"
"Super user"
"what about the -do?"
* confused pikachu face *

Received an email -
"Hi,
Wanted to connect with you as Mr. X suggested you can provide an architectural on the JIRA system."

How vague can things be? Lost as to what should be the appropriate response.

I'm a student and we are forced to still have "ordinary" classes like Danish English and such. So we were having our English class. When out of nowhere our "skps" aka those who haven't found a company. That wanna take them in as a student but anyway they started looking around the class for turned on pcs. I asked my friend what the hell they were doing. Apparently a dhcp server from our class were hooked up to the schools lan and were faster. So it leased out ips with a lease time that was 8 days long. yeah they fail configured it, the SKP had pinged the server to find out it was called Pikachu. So the whole skp was on pokemon hunt til they found it at the table we all were sitting at "side note" it caused the whole lan network of our school not to be working"

- Teammate discovers a standard PaaS feature isn’t working and breaks core functionality in dev environment
- Teammate creates a support ticket to the PaaS company
- PaaS company says that they’re aware of the issue but don’t have a solution yet and advises to disable the feature for now
- Teammate ships the feature and leaves it enabled on production.
- Teammate thinks that “oh we know it’s broken, nobody is going to use it anyway”
- Customer uses the feature
- Shit hits the fan
- Teammate: *shocked pikachu face*

Why the hell do the Pixel 3 XL have a notch if it doesn't support Face unlock?
Meaning there could be other functions related but they are like face filters on snapchat and all. Face unlock is something would be used the most.
Really Google! U decided to keep the notch but no face unlock 🙄

Why is Windows, Windows!
Does using Windows limit your creativity? Coz u r always inside the box ...

Well that can't possibly be good...