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Search - "sighs"
An entirely typical exchange at work:
PM: How long would it take to build an application that collates Gubblefluffs and exports them as a PDF?
ME: Hard to say. What’s a Gubblefluff?
PM: Nothing complex. Its basically an object with some stuff in.
ME: Erm, okay. So I’ll define a Gubblefluff object plus methods to add edit and delete, then for each Gubblefluff have it write a line to a PDF.
PM: It will need to email that PDF to somebody.
ME: Okay, cool. “Gubblefluffs-by-email” should take about a day.
6 hours later…
ME: I’ve done Gubblefluffs-to-pdf, I’m not clear on what’s in a Gubblefluff but I’ve made it flexible so it can take almost anything.
PM: No, a Gubblefluff can ONLY be one of 4 Snigglefingers plus a timestamp and some JSON.
ME: What? Right. Okay. What’s a Snigglefinger?
PM: (sighs) A Snigglefinger is the collection of relevant Babelsets.
PM: Yeah, a user can have any number of Babelsets but they must correspond to one of the four types of Snigglefingers.
ME: There are users!?
PM: Of course!
ME: But I’ve not coded anything for users.
PM: Shit. I’ve told the client they can have it today. How long to add in users?
ME: And Babelsets, and Snigglefingers and the new Gubblefluff rules?
6 days later…
ME: This is done now. It’s a beast but it works. Who should it email the PDFs to?
PM: Client X, plus cc to Y and bcc to Z.
ME: What? It doesn't support CC and BCC!
1 hour later…
ME: This is done. I’ve tested it and sent you a copy of the PDF it generates.
PM: Okay thanks. Is the cron running daily?
ME: What cron?
ME: Okay, so the cron’s running once a day at 8pm.
PM: Oh, it’ll need to be at 3:15pm. That’s when we’ve told the client they’ll get it.
ME: Right. I’ll change it...
PM: Also, the PDF you sent me looks nothing like the visual.
ME: What visual?
So this fucking happened today.
Me: *sees support ticket coming in about some kind of login issue*
Me: *opens issue*
"Hello, I can't seem to login. There's an error"
Me: *sighs and thinks "at least give me that FUCKING error message then." *kindly replies with asking if they could send me the error message*
"Here it is. I don't understand what is going wrong
and what I have to do"
Me: *looks at error message*
"Invalid customer ID. Please make sure that your ID is correct. You can find it in the activation email we sent you when you registered".
😐 😶 😦
Me: *thinking okay what the fuck, are you fucking retarded or something?*
Me: *kindly replies: "It seems that you are not using the correct customer ID. You might want to look for it in the activation email we sent you!"*
"Oh okay thanks, how did you figure that out?"
Me: 😵 😐 😶 😭 🔫
Seriously what the actual fucking fuck.30
*18 year old me VS computer lab teacher*
So, have you decided on a project?
Uh, I'm gonna draw some sprites and make them kill each other
That's not a good project
You said we could pick anything we wanted?
Well, that's what I want to work on.
I don't like it... how about a webpage?
Hmmm, how about no?
You'll fail this class
Fine by me.
ARRRHHGHGHGHHG!! JUST DECIDE ON A PROJECT AND GET TO WORK!
*a month later*
And so, have you decided on a project?
Oh yes, I hacked this together over the last couple weeks.
WHAT IS THAT?!
Oh, that's a templar. He commits mass genocide in the name of God.
I TOLD YOU to work on a project!
A-há, you said I could work on anything I wanted.
Yes, but not this.
What's wrong with it? It's just a game.
I don't like it, pick something else.
Wait. You want me to CHOOSE what I want to work on or you're going to pick the project for me?
You're SUPPOSED to pick your own project!
Well, you already had me do silly cutesy webpages for two years in a row. How about I do something a little bit more metal this time around?
I swear to God, you'll fail this class
And so? Have you decided yet?
Yes! I added some archers and walls yesterday, look at the arrows fly!
YOU'LL FAIL THIS CLASS IF YOU KEEP IT UP
Keep what up? Programming?
NO, WASTING MY TIME
Fine. What do YOU want me to do?
Anything you want... just decide on a project already!
But I did... I want to work on this...
That's NOT a good project
Then I can't work on what I want
Yes you can. Just pick another project!
Mmm... something 3D with Unity, maybe?
How about a rogue clone?
WELL, then I CANT work on what I want. You say I can, but you don't like ANY of the projects I pick. *i was kinda crying here*
You CAN work on whatever you want, just MAKE A WEBPAGE!
*and next week*
Please tell me you've started an ACTUAL project already...
Can I see it?
You're still writing that stupid game, aren't you?
*sighs* alright, have it your way. But remove the blood spurts, please.
YES, OF COURSE. THANK YOU MISS.
*did NOT remove the blood spurts*
*totally FAILED that class*
*dropped highschool altogether*
Me today, unemployed: WORTH IT.22
:: *joins devRant to rant about everything*
:: *everything I want to complain about is on the front page*
:: *sighs in relief*1
How a regular convo with non-devs usually go:
"So what do you do?"
"I'm a software developer."
"Oh, so you're like... a hacker?"
"No, I build apps."
"Nice! So like facebooks and stuff???"
"Not exactly. Different things, mostly tools. It depends."
*proceeds to spend what feels like an hour trying to explain what I do for a living in the simplest terms, while the person just blankly stares and nods, pauses, then finally tells me their crazily infeasible app idea.*
"So whadaya think?"
"Hmm...sounds good 😀👍"9
Coworker: I give up! Please help me!
Me: What's up?
C: Take a look at this. I have this function here that gets the tab index and I'm passing it to the Tabs component over there. I'm logging the index and as you can see it's 3, but the Tabs component isn't working. However if I replace the function call with a 3 it works!
Coworker 2: While you were explaining all that, shellbug already thought about at least 3 reasons why that isn't working.
Me: **sighs** Of what type is the value that function is returning?
C: **stares at me for a few seconds** It's a number.
Me: Are you sure?
C: Well, it's returning 3.
Me: Please do a typeof.
It was string.8
If you come up with a great idea in a meeting to solve a problem, be prepared to implement it alone.4
I was stuffing shrimp in my mouth when I received a call from a recruiter. I didn't apply for their company then she asked me, "May I know why you're looking for a new job?" Bitch, I was eating. I wasn't looking for anything. I haven't applied to any job postings since last year.
There was another time the conversation went like this:
Recruiter: "Hi, we're looking for developers blah blah blah. Do you know about <company name>?"
Recruiter: *explains what the company is and what it does*
Recruiter: "May I know why you want to apply for <company name>?"
Recruiter: "So this is the salary we are offering you."
Me: "Hmmmmm.. I'll think about it."
Recruiter: "Did you receive another offer?"
Me: *being honest* "Yes but I negotiated it, I'm waiting for their revised offer. I want to see that first before I decide."
Recruiter: *calls a few minutes later* "Have you decided yet?"
Me: "Nope, still waiting."
Recruiter: *sighs* "How about I add X amount to the salary?"
Me: "Hmmm.. Can you make it <double the increase>?"
Recruiter: "No, that's the maximum."
Me: "Lol. Okay."8
Why do people talk so much in the real world. I'm okay with yes/no questions. Talking face to face is exhausting for me. Leave me alone. I'm okay with chat too.
Can't tell these to anybody for real tho.
Transport management system support team:
Me: Good day, how may i assist?
Client: Hi, Can you help me setup my printer?
Me:* Sighs deeply with great discretion*
Me: Sorry mam but we don't do that here, we
only deal with issues regarding the TMS.
You would have to contact your IT guy
Client: but you are our IT guys
Me: *Sighs even deeper*
Me: Unfortunately mam we are not your "IT
Client: Well, This issue needs to be fixed
Me: Yes mam, yes it does *Hangs up phone*4
Cs101 - a 3 hour Friday morning lecture. 1st at uni doing computer science. Half asleep. I'm awoken by the professor
"You at the back - what's the answer!"
Alarmed but not too bothered I just say "I don't know"
He replies "yes you do! We just went over it"
I say I really don't know. Someone behind me says "64". So I say "64".
Professor sighs and says "no - 2 to the power 8 is 256!"
He never liked me after that.4
*At a dorm gathering*
Me: I think I’m gonna head back to my room, I don’t know what to do here
Friend: Come on, meet people! Socialize!
Me: *sighs* Fine
You know you’re a nerd when...5
The TA for my computing lab in uni consistently shows up 45 minutes late. I'm usually done in 20 because I use the rest of the time to work on the next lab.
He walks through the door, lets out the biggest sigh, sits down, sighs again, opens up his laptop, and sighs once more. When someone asks for help, he sighs so hard you can see his lungs shrivel up as he exhales, and then provides them with a pointless answer.
The best part about the cs department here is that when you join cs, you are given an account to use with the ubuntu machines in the computer labs. They send you the password over school email, and you can't change it on any system they provide.
When you're at the till ordering a plain coffee and the barista SIGHS and ROLLS THEIR EYES at you. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? That's you're damn job, don't fucking do that. That's the only reason you're here!!!8
Me: *pulls down the quick settings drawer and taps Bluetooth*
phone: *forgets everything about having multiple CPU cores and threads - the process responsible for all user input and drawing the ui grinds to a halt*
me: *sighs* oh, fuck, not this shit again *sets phone down*
*several minutes pass*
*watchdog decides that the UI is stuck and kills it, forcing the phone to soft-reboot*
phone: *boots up after a minute of loading*
me: *checks if Bluetooth is on*
*Bluetooth still off*
me: *tries to tap Bluetooth again*
*the procedure repeats*11
I hate moving
But moving back in with your parents is even worse
Even worse when your parents are hoarders and so you get to move back into a room where you then get to clear out random shit that isn't yours. And try to convince your parents to throw out a dresser that only 3/8 drawers work in it but they want to keep it.
Dev1 : hey dude, I am not able to get the slider right like the one in the IMG they've created on WordPress, we need to show this to the client today. Can you help?
Dev2 (short for devil) :
*Opens up expected screen slider IMG*
*Ctrl + Alt + Printscrn*
*opens Paint ---> crop --> save*
*Inside html, <img src="*above url">*
Done buddy, you owe me one.
step 1) open and browse producthunt for new dev tools to use and try out
step 2) opens dev tool/app's website *ooh nice landing page*
step 3) tries to find api and documentation, scrolls to bottom of the webpage
step 4) "we are still in private beta, sign up to be notified about the final release!"
step 5) lol *sighs* bookmarks tab before closing it
step 6) repeat step 1
Windows 10 doesn't to let me use my wifi.
No way to solve it.
Is this a new Windows feature?11
That moment when you sit to code and start learning a new thing, but the installation and prerequisites take up all of your time. *Sighs*1
*sighs* for the past 3 hours I feel like I've been talking to a 2 year old. I have made a smart mirror and I have made a machine learning assistant to go with it. Only one problem. Someone needs to talk to it to train it. Looks like that's my job. Here is one of the parts of our conversation. ("But" is not and "H" is human)4
dev_storyV1.1 (without merge conflict)
Thief: Quick! Hand me your wallet and backpack
Dev: *hands over the empty wallet, takes laptop from bag, pulls from remote, pushes all the commits to remote, deletes local repo, puts laptop in bag, hands over the bag* Here you go mister *sighs*
Kind of dev related, during a Firefly one-shot roleplay:
GM: So you have a data chip in your pocket. Do you want to see what's on it?
Me (hesitant): ...Kinda. *wait* Okay, I put the chip into one of my computers.
GM: The data chip shows random gibberish--it's encrypted. Your engineer may know how to decrypt it.
Me: Okay. Hey, Engineer! *holds imaginary data chip out to her* Decrypt this!
Engineer: No. *pause*, *sighs* Fine. But we need to be careful.
GM: Yes, now time for technobabble...
Me: So once we decrypt this, it's probably going to look for the MAC address, so we need an air-gapped machine--a machine that's never been online before--and a TAILS LiveUSB. We'll decrypt the data chip and then destroy the computer.
Fighter: ....I actually understood that and it actually makes sense. Good job. *fist bump*1
That moment when you realise mind reading should be on your job description as PM sighs about new amend, looks towards you like you scoped the project.
Some people be like:
MAN: Are you at office?
SE: No, I'm on a airplane at 35000 feet;
MAN: While you are up there, you should write more code. After all you know that bugs won't survive at 35000 feet.
SE:(sighs and facepalms) hmm that a very good point....
MAN: plus you are closer to the cloud, so server code should run faster or with lower latency at least.
SE: (jumps off the plane)3
Anyone else hates the "Getting started" docs as much as I am?
Problem is, most of the code is only useful for doing exactly this - "start a totally useless chat between two windows" for example for Broadcast in Laravel. What is missing is the part where you need to auth with an API in the backend and because it is missing, we see giant security holes in websites that are basically made from 101 tutorials...
Some time i feel sad and happy at the same time. Sad, because of some users our App is getting less rating on Play Store and happy because at the same time we keep making loads of money from them.
*job opening says front end web developer*
*technical exam contains questions they used for the back end/web developer position instead of making a separate one for front end*2
I cannot afford one more keystroke. Coding is exhausting! I need the warmth of my bed.
*sighs* I hope I don't dream in binary again.3
React is awesome. Learning Redux to build even more awesome things!
*sighs* Learning Python seriously after that. For some reason, Flask is making the most sense right now.
On the back of the penguin (Linux), I shall conquer the world!2
**sighs** push and deploy release on stagimg server at 1pm. Wait for 3hours for QA to provide feedback. The minute you start packing, 16 but tickets logged back to back with minimal steps to reproduce. FML
Well, not best experience per se, but most memorable one.
So I am accepted to CS program at the university - happy days!
First lecture of the first day of the first semester in the first year...
...It just had to be that guy. He was famous for for his strictness among the faculty as we later found out.
But, the lecture. It's 8.25 am, I am making my way into auditorium, and it's filled with freshmen like me, of course. Instead of cheerful chatter noise I hear literally silence. What the? I catch the glimpse of the blackboard - the professor is there, hard at work writing out some stuff that can't comprehend. Double checked the name of the lecture - computer architecture.
8.30 - so it begins, I remember taking a place along the front rows in order to see more clearly. Professor turns to us and just starts the lecture, saying that he'll introduce himself later at the end and there is no time to waste. OK...
And he just dumps the layout of x86 computer architecture and a mixture of basic ASM jargon on us WITHOUT TURNING TO US FOR LIKE 30 MINS while writing things out on the blackboard.
The he finally turns 180 degrees very quickly, evaluates our expression (I know mine was WTF is this I don't even understand half the words), sighs, turns back and continues with the lecture.
currently setting up a repo for a git release branching demo because despite the fact we have a model in place, it was completely ignored when it came to release time with changes being pushed straight to the main develop branch *sighs*
Every last 2 hours of the workday my colleague who has plenty of sleep, his headphones on and a very comfortable life, yawns and sighs really loudly and it pisses me off.
It's as if his lack of interest transpires in his breathing.2