AboutJust a simple developer
SkillsJs, PHP, Python, Perl, Shell Script
Joined devRant on 7/27/2018
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I had to do some work in an older C# repo. I see git is automatically ignoring each new class I add. After scouring the .gitignore file, I see this entry put in by one of my colleagues.15
Forgot FAT32 had a file count limit.
Turns out Linux won't stop you from writing too many files to a FAT32 drive.
Turns out this makes FAT32 do *really weird shit.*44
Friend who i set up server for calls me while im on work lunch calls me and it goes like this:
FR: Hey man you remember that server you setup for me ?
FR: Well you see i did an update and now the code you wro..
Why the fuck did you do full upgrade on custom system ?
FR: Well the PHP server was versions behind
Well then update just PHP and the binaries you need or just do normal update not full upgrade to different version of system.
FR: Well OK anyways the parent tries to kill its own child.
WHAT ? Parent is trying to kill its own child ? WTF did you do ? The abort function was never supposed to run only when things are really really fucked up.
FR: Well shit
Well if parent kills its own child then we are screwed and you will have to restore the backup.
FR: Wellllllllllll last back up is from 2 weeks ago.
WHAT ? WHY ? i set it up to backup every day.
FR: Well yes but that was eating too much space so i made it to backup every 2 weeks.
You are an idiot you know that ?
OK i will clean up the mess you made when i come home.
*/Then i realized im on lunch with full room of non tech people/* Ah shit.
Then i had to explain to non tech people what is child and parent process in coding and how parent kills child in code.
And BTW the server got fixed. It was just that he updated few libraries too and well path changed in one of them so it coudlnt find it. Easy fix thankfully.2
$ dd if=/dev/sda of=/dev/sdb bs=4096
^C ^C ^C ^C ^C ^C ^C ^C ^C ^C ^C ^C ^C ^C ^C ^C ^C ^C
[Typical dump Client]
After finishing an Android app, the app was amazing and the client is happy.
Client: I think we should write iOS version.
Me: ok, but this will take a time to code in different language with those native features..
Client: Can we just "convert" it to iOS, it should be easy no?4
Startup: let's improve on our MVP and build an actual website app.
[go through 2 weeks discovery and planning stage]
Manager1: love working with you. You explain and work in a really professional manner.
[MVP gets built in 2 months, I'm the only dev designer devops throughout]
Manger1: Omg love it! Wait till the other manager sees it. I knew you were right person for the job.
Other users: oo cool. I love features x, y, z.
[two days later shows to Manager2]
Manager2: x doesn't work, feature you is not useful and doesn't work... Hate it. I think we'll move you to another project.
Me: (woah that escalated quickly meme plays in my mind)
Me: [explaining MVP, lean methodology, your internal decision making processes]
Manager2: Yeh we want you to not work on any development work (even though those are your skills and extensive knowledge etc) we need you to do admin tasks (that have nothing to do with product or coding etc)
Manager1 and employees: 😲 wtf
Me: I quit
- - -
Now they are struggling in every way possible and don't have enough funds to hire another person close to what they need to help them.8
Me: Right, its Monday, time for a fresh start. Things have been unbearable, but i've nowhere else to go just yet. I gotta just dig deep, ignore everything bad and just get it done, It's all about positivity right? Lets just ignore the little things and keep moving.
*My morning so far, 2 hours in*
Remote dev: (timezone 5 hours earlier than me) Hey so whats the plan for this quarter?
Me: ... I posted a big detailed plan in the group chat on Friday night so you wouldn't be delayed ... but anyway, lets just move on. I need you to work on A, B and C. A is just copying what Android has already done, for B one of the backend guys working next to you is doing this, he'll be able to help you. C is all documented in the ticket.
Remote dev: cool thanks.
Local dev: So I was just chatting with remote dev ... yeah he told me he has no idea what he's suppose to do.
Me: ..... Ok i'll book a video call with him in the morning. Can't do it right now.
Remote dev: Hey i'm helping the BE team do some testing. I found a bug in Android. Homepage says theres no trips. But Offers screen says there is.
Me: Ok so just to confirm, The "available" offers screen has offers to accept, but the white notification on the homepage saying "You have X offers to accept" is not showing up?
Remote dev: Correct!
*debugging for 5 mins*
Remote dev: actually no, the "accepted" offers tab has offers, but the homepage says there are no upcoming offers to work on.
Me: ..... ok, thats very different ... but sure, let me have a look.
Me: Right so the BE are ... again ... sending down expired offers. Looks like the accepted tab isn't catching it and the homepage is.
Remote dev: Right i'll open a ticket for Android.
Me: ... and BE team.
Remote dev: why?
Me: ... because they once again have timezone issues. This keeps causing issues in random places. BE need to fix this everywhere.
Remote dev: right, i'll chat to them and see if they can fix it.
Product: So this ticket xxxxx is clear right?
Me: eh, kind of, so you want us to add feature X to user type A?
Me: right but I don't see anywhere talking about the time it will take to build the screen for feature X
Product: What do you mean the screen?
Me: ... well, feature X is only accessible on screen Y ... we would have to change screen Y to support user type A ... you know ... so they can ... use the feature
Product: .... hhhhmmm .... i suppose you are right. Well we can't just add screen Y, we'll have to add W and Z, it won't make sense without them.
Me: ... ok sure, but our estimates put us over for this quarter. I don't think we can just add in 3 screens.
Product: No this is a must have.
Me: Ok so we'll have to drop something else.
Product: hhhmmm, don't think we can ... let me get back to you.
Backend team invited me to a meeting at 6am my time on Friday.
... 2 hours into Monday ... there must be vodka around here somewhere
When you have over 10 years experience... and nothing to show for it due to closures, redesigns and private work.
It’s not making my job hunt any easier.8
My mother used to code a good 30 years ago (embedded development for plane engines), but nowadays always fear doing something wrong on her computer/smartphone.
It's a bit depressing to see how someone who used to be a developer is now so fearful of computers.
On the plus side, she is very respective of my time, and will wait 2/3 weeks for me to come home to fix a simple thing, and generally don't bother me with things she can do herself, once I explain to her how to do it.
Last time was cleaning laptop fans. Seeing how you need to disassemble half of it to clean that, I can understand anyone not wanting to do it.7
Not my mom, but my girlfriends grandmother. I told her that I am a software developer, a guy who makes the programs which run on computers.
She became really excited about that, because finally she found someone to repair her 40-year-old radio. I told her that I have no fucking idea about radios, but she did not want to hear that. So I looked at the case, randomly pushed some buttons and again told her, that I could not find the broken part, let alone repair it. But she didn't listen and told me to open the case and look inside.
Sighingly I opened the radio, looked at the inner parts and told her once more, that I don't know anything about this stuff. She told me to look more closely. About to lose my mind about this pointless task, I finally told her, that "the transistor" is the problem and that the best thing she could do is to throw it away and buy a new radio. She was happy with that answer.18
Before an interview prepare a list of questions for them, they expect it!
My list to give inspiration:
Describe your company culture? - if the response is buzzword heavy, avoid.
What’s the oldest technology still in use? - all companies have legacy systems but some are worse than others
Describe your agile process? - a few companies I’ve interviewed with said they are agile but it’s actually kanban
Are developers involved with customers?- if they trust you to talk to customers you can infer trust to do your job ( I’m sure others will disagree)
Describe your development environment?- do they have such a thing as dev, test and prod?
These are the only ones I can remember but should give others a bit of inspiration I hope 😄9
Had a skype interview yesterday...
> prepared for interview, checked internet and all
> home internet died literally 1 minute before call
> started interview using phone hotspot
> phone hotspot died in 1/3 interview duration
> used mom's phone's hotspot
> died in 2/3 interview duration
> oh shit
> went out to phone company's office to get more data
> half way to the office, mom calls: home internet is working!
> yaay! goes back home
> nop, internet isn't working (glitch in mom's phone which showed it to be working (wifi symbol))
> goes back to the office
> gets phone recharged (office people were SO slow 😑)
> gets back home
> continues and finishes the interview...
10/10 will do again 😂😂😂😂
The interviewer was quite patient, and waited for me to get back home (he called me 2-3 times to get a heads up)
Lol this was honestly THE most exciting and fun interview experience for me yet!
The interview questions were pretty easy btw (programming)
Waiting for result now...9
Me:( before vacation ) plans a schedule , decides to be productive.
Me: (during vacation) sleeping all time, doing nothing productive.
Huh! my sad story !7
Paranoid Developers - It's a long one
Backstory: I was a freelance web developer when I managed to land a place on a cyber security program with who I consider to be the world leaders in the field (details deliberately withheld; who's paranoid now?). Other than the basic security practices of web dev, my experience with Cyber was limited to the OU introduction course, so I was wholly unprepared for the level of, occasionally hysterical, paranoia that my fellow cohort seemed to perpetually live in. The following is a collection of stories from several of these people, because if I only wrote about one they would accuse me of providing too much data allowing an attacker to aggregate and steal their identity. They do use devrant so if you're reading this, know that I love you and that something is wrong with you.
That time when...
He wrote a social media network with end-to-end encryption before it was cool.
He wrote custom 64kb encryption for his academic HDD.
He removed the 3 HDD from his desktop and stored them in a safe, whenever he left the house.
He set up a pfsense virtualbox with a firewall policy to block the port the student monitoring software used (effectively rendering it useless and definitely in breach of the IT policy).
He used only hashes of passwords as passwords (which isn't actually good).
He kept a drill on the desk ready to destroy his HDD at a moments notice.
He started developing a device to drill through his HDD when he pushed a button. May or may not have finished it.
He set up a new email account for each individual online service.
He hosted a website from his own home server so he didn't have to host the files elsewhere (which is just awful for home network security).
He unplugged the home router and began scanning his devices and manually searching through the process list when his music stopped playing on the laptop several times (turns out he had a wobbly spacebar and the shaking washing machine provided enough jittering for a button press).
He brought his own privacy screen to work (remember, this is a security place, with like background checks and all sorts).
He gave his C programming coursework (a simple messaging program) 2048 bit encryption, which was not required.
He wrote a custom encryption for his other C programming coursework as well as writing out the enigma encryption because there was no library, again not required.
He bought a burner phone to visit the capital city.
He bought a burner phone whenever he left his hometown come to think of it.
He bought a smartphone online, wiped it and installed new firmware (it was Chinese; I'm not saying anything about the Chinese, you're the one thinking it).
He bought a smartphone and installed Kali Linux NetHunter so he could test WiFi networks he connected to before using them on his personal device.
(You might be noticing it's all he's. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't).
He ate a sim card.
He brought a balaclava to pentesting training (it was pretty meme).
He printed out his source code as a manual read-only method.
He made a rule on his academic email to block incoming mail from the academic body (to be fair this is a good spam policy).
He withdraws money from a different cashpoint everytime to avoid patterns in his behaviour (the irony).
He reported someone for hacking the centre's network when they built their own website for practice using XAMMP.
I'm going to stop there. I could tell you so many more stories about these guys, some about them being paranoid and some about the stupid antics Cyber Security and Information Assurance students get up to. Well done for making it this far. Hope you enjoyed it.26
PHP doesn’t scale. Riiiiiight. Wikipedia runs entirely on PHP and is the fifth most visited site on the internet. There’s also this little site called Facebook that uses PHP, ever heard of it?
PHP is slow. Sure, old PHP can be slow. The argument is about as sound is saying that OS X is a terrible OS because my first Apple IIe was slow. PHP 7 is plenty fast, even three time faster than Python.
I see all these tools for the past few years claiming...
"build an app without writing code"
Great, if you want to build a prototype and then try to find a technical co-founder who can actually build something.
Otherwise, none of us need another shitty cookie-cutter app.
There is a 0% chance you can build anything that will scale without writing some code. Your best case scenario is you sell it to some sucker who doesn't understand that what they are buying is garbage.
I give those folks 3 options...
1. Find a technical co-founder
2. Learn to build software
3. Fuck off
Thinking you can build a software company without building actual quality software if fucking moronic.
Of course, that won't stop the thousands of business grads each year from trying and saying...
"I have such a great idea, I just need someone to build it"
Let's get things straight. You have nothing. NOTHING! You idea is worthless without execution.5
Atom is free.
Visual Studio Code is free.
Jetbrains IntelliJ IDEA Ultimate is $500 per year.
Atom has Teletype.
Visual Studio / Code has LiveShare.
Jetbrains IntelliJ has "Can you send me over the file and I'll try to figure out the issue without any sort of context?"27
Dev: "Ah, I finally fixed that code I was working on the other day and got it pushed to staging!"
Almond: "Ah, great! What was the issue in the end?"
Dev: "It was an odd one - it wasn't actually my code that was the issue, there was a bunch of other code getting in the way."
Almond: "How do you mean?"
Dev: "It kept complaining about something called a "unit test" failing - so after a while I found the right unit tests, deleted them, and now it works great!"