My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

no if clients replace first

You know what I mean

Who around here is saying the looovveeeee mobile development? EVERYTIME i come back to it, it's just cert nightmare - you need a provisioning profile this, distribution cert that, your profile has to INCLUDE the cert, on and on and on. god i hate it

Wanna know how I do it with web?

git push

Finally worked up the nerve to quit my job. Time to move on to bigger and better things.

To all the leaders out there: Stop doing all shit on your own! Delegate! Have fate in your colleagues!
And fuck all shitty deadlines if no lives are at stake.
Cz yours is for sure!

...or you'll end like me with a heart attack at the age of 43.

Now i'm here at a health-care-hotel (dunno what it's called in english) for 3 weeks relaxing and doing programming w/o being stressed at all. =)

Accidentally drop a column of a table and without realising that take is in production,..... luckily I have backup....

I once worked until 8am to get a demo ready for a client of the client. I knew the client was a bit thick, so I made some comprehensive video demos and sent them over to him, to save him trying to demo it himself. I wake up at 11am with him screaming down the phone at me:

“It doesn’t work, none of it works!”

“What do you mean?”

“I go to login and I can’t enter anything.”

“I haven’t sent you anything to log into...wait, are you trying to log into a video? Tell me you’re not trying to log into a video of a login page.”

“Uh...oh hang on, it just worked. Ok no pr-“

“No wait, what do you mean it worked?”

“I logged in fine.”

“It’s a video. You can’t log into a video.”

“Uh...alright, bye mate, thanks!”

The moral of the story is: never assume any level of intelligence on the part of a client, even if they exhibit signs of it at first. If they are paying you they will forget how to tie their own shoelaces.

Time to change my skills from PHP developer to AI researcher, Blockchain engineer and grab some thousand dollars deal on Freelancer

An amazing recruiter found me on LinkedIn. According to her cv she has incredible skills such as “Internet Browsers“ and “Google Calender“. Maybe I should give her a call?

I should get this book...

My wife is getting better and better each day writing code. And she is starting to really love the terminal too!
With this rate, she is going to know more GNU+Linux than me.
😎

After 60+ days of being jobless i had two offers coming my way. Starting my new job next monday! So excited!

I am a hobby programmer, far away from finally turning my hobby into a profession BUT already they ask me to fix their FUCKING PRINTERS........ whooot da fuk?!?!

Few months ago, I ate so many MBs (just 300+ GBs) in a month that my ISP blocked my connection and sent a worker to check if i was sharing my internet connection with neighbours etc. { They say UNLIMITED downloads when selling packages }
I was so pissed that after restoration I wrote autorun-on-startup powershell which keeps downloading a 100MB file forever just to eat bandwidth.
This month my downloads crossed a TB.
I feel like I've pissed in ISP's face just to show that if I'm not eating TBs every month, it doesn't mean i can't do it.

That's it, I'm fucking done.

alias whios='whois'

😠

Out at my partner's 21st, going to pop the question as soon as a couple people leave and I can feel my heart trying to make its way out of my ass...

Wish me luck devs!

Starts coding in Android Studio, Auto-complete does not function
**doesn't know how to code anymore**

We all once printed "Hello World" & were acting like a pro 😏
Cheers, we all made it till here, more than "Hello World! 🍺

at a recent interview:
🕴️ interviewer: are you familiar with PHP?
Jr Me 👶: well I'm currently studying it but I thought this was a front end position? I'm looking to work with js, sass and UI design.
🕴️: Well PHP is frontend and we are working with it in our CMS.
👶:... *Getting weird WordPress flashbacks*.. I think I'll continue looking but thanks for your offer.

Later that day I checked if their websites have wp-login.php and woop de fucking doo... It does.. as well as all their clients sites..

Dodging bullets like the freaking Choose one! Ps. Second time this happens.. gotta start checking this before going to the interview..

Today i faced a "bug" which caused an element not to trigger a Bootstrap 3 accordion by klicking on it. Only on iOS/iPhone - Desktop and Android worked fine.
The actual problem was that almost the same structure worked fine on another website...
took me about 3 hours to figure out that the element which was supposed to trigger the accordion needs the css property 'cursor: pointer;'.
why the hell does a touch device, which got no coursor, need this property?!

When you finally snap at your PM for setting every deadline to "As soon as possible":
SAY. ASAP..ONE. MORE. TIME.

Management : "How long you think it would take?"

Me : "now this is a rough estimate, but I think building the back-end and database alone could take 6-months minimum"

Management : "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS"

me : "its a big proj..."

Management : "I thought it will be something like 10 days, already told the client it can be done"

me : "but we are not ready"

Management : "how are we not ready? we already have the virtual 3D shop, and we can use this ready-to-deploy eCommerce service as our data base "
... "you need to figure this out, this is not acceptable" he continued

* 2 Days Later -talking to my direct boss *
Boss : "since you don't know how to do it..."

me : "what ? I didn't say I can't do it, all I said it will take six months"

Boss : "yeah yeah, anyway there is this studio, a professional polish studio, we called them and they can do it, we will sign a contract with them, this will let you focus on the front-end. good?"

me : "well alright then"

Boss : "please write a doc, explaining everything needed from the backend"
-to me that was the end of it, took a long time to tell me they made the deal-

* 5 Months later *
- "Abdu, can you come here for a minute..."
- "yes boss?"
- "the document we asked you to do for the Polish studio, did you specify that we needed an integration with the API we are using for eCommerce?"

scared to death I answered : "why of course I did!"
I ran to my PC to check it out because I didn't know, I forgot because no one even comment on my doc. I check it out, and it was clearly explained... I got relaxed...

turns out they didn't even do what we asked them for. took them 5 months, and with no communication whatsoever. all their work was useless to us. complete dump waste.

----------------
never mentioned this until a year later... in a heat of moment when they were asking me to make an impossible task with no men and no time... I reminded them of this story... management didn't like it. but it was the truth. they didnt push this crazily this time

Advice to new programmers.

I'm so happy today. Fixed a bug that was haunting me for weeks. My ionic app was working on Android, the browser, the toaster,... Everything but an iPhone. I thought it was an issue with iOS and this bug really messed with me.

Hurry up!

True that~~

I recently met with a client (a UK-focused homewares company sold by the likes of Next etc) who were meeting with Amazon the next day . Amazon has told them that people search for their name every 6 mins on Amazon. This according to my calculation is c. 7200 searches a month. There are 8,100 searches monthly globally on Google for their brand name according to Google Keyword Planner - suggesting that Amazon is close to becoming the major search destination for shopping (if it isn't already!) in the UK.

hola! a new dev is in town.

This dude literally copied my post from 2 years ago. Asshole.