Management wants weekly update meetings on some "super important" work. Fine.

But for the past 8 weeks they've been late to the meeting or moved it or cancelled it completely. They keep telling me if I need help, let them know and they will get me the help I need no questions asked.

The one time I ask for help they have done literally nothing.

Glad it is so important to them.

Cat of the day

More health problems. Great. Health is like a single bug. Once you fix the bug you create 10 new ones. My lips are swollen and bleeding internally. Fuck off

BOSCH replied to my job application for java backend engineer

"Thank you for your interest in Robert Bosch d.o.o.."

WOW

"We have reviewed your application..."

YES?

"...and have decided..."

YESS???

"...to move forward with..."

YESSS I CANT BELIEVE I GOT A JOB AT BOSCH

"...other candidates."

Manager: This button is too dark, you need to lighten it. Have you no sense of design?

Dev: …

Dev: Hows this for an adjustment?

Manager: Wayyyyy too light now, jesus you need glasses if you think that’s good.

Dev: …

Dev: How about now?

Manager: It’s close, make it just a little more dark. God why does this have to take so long, do I have to hold your hand through this entire process!

Dev: …

Dev: There that good?

Manager: Yes that’s perfect! Send me a PR immediately so I can approve, we need to get this out ASAP, it’s critical!!

Dev: I can’t.

Manager: ????

Dev: There’s no diff, you had me gradually adjust the colour back to exactly what it was originally.

Manager: THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE IT LOOKS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME LIKE THIS, I HAVE A MEETING I NEED TO GET OFF TO BUT WE WILL BE HAVING WORDS LATER ABOUT THIS INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR.

Dev: …

I was contacted by a recruiter for a job in company where I am already employed.

🤷‍♂️

Had a dodgy stomach. Muted the mic & let out an almighty fart.

Only, as you'll have guessed (and I quickly guessed from the silence that followed), I'd missed the mute button.

Hands down this year.

10 months ago I left my boring fulltime job and opened my own ltd.

I also had to relocate to another country and basically start my life from 0 (got a nice apartment, new car, new gf and got new exciting remote projects).

Now Im happy, actually never been more happier. I have full control of my life and I dont need to deal with idiots.

I left a boring workplace where no one has an opinion because everybody is trying to stay politically correct meanwhile shit doesnt get done. I also left a toxic relationship where my spoiled by parents gf was constantly nagging me and nothing I would do was ever enough for her.

So my advice is a cliche but follow your gut instinct. Somehow deep down you already know what you are worth, so all is left to do is plan and act accordingly. Take risks. Sooner or later you will get where you want. If not then thats fine, making mistakes means that you actually lived instead of existed like a mindless puppet controlled by strings of outside circumstances.

Help him turn on his computer

I hate it when a family member ask me to fix something and I fold and try and fix it. I start to troubleshoot and they see what I'm doing and say "oh I thought you knew how to fix it, NVM I can do it." Like wtf this is how u fix stuff

Starting at CERN in 45 days :D Can't wait!!!

LoL relatable

I didn’t want to wait for the adapter to come in…

You are always the bad dev in someone's else story

Sad how the easy to make softwares are already flooding the market and making millions so now we actually need to work a lot and innovate on something if we wanna a few bucks.

Also sad how in the 80s you could rob banks with just sql injection and now its almost impossible unless you’ve been devoting you being to cybersecurity for years.

Basically I feel it would have been cooler to be a computer scientist 30 years ago :/

Big event. Massive traffic in production, so we were monitoring all night.

I was in a room with 2 devs of my team, a marketting girl, my boss and a designer... chilling.

Suddenly the production is down.

Boss: production is down, anyone can check?
Me: already on it
Dev1: it looks ok for me
Dev2: me too
Me: wait what? Impossible everything is down
Dev1: oh I refreshed the page it's not working
Me: don't stay on the page refreshing it like you are fucking monkeys. Give me useful intel or be quiet.
Market girl: is it working?
...
Guys is it working?
...
Hello?
Me: Not yet we are looking. Don't distract me.
Boss: client called us. They want it online now.
Dev1&2: he's looking
... 1 min later...
Boss: is it working?
Boss: is it working?
Boss: is it working?
Me: SHUT THE FUCK FOR FUCKING ONE SECOND. ALL OF YOU, OUT NOW. YOU ARE FUCKING MONKEYS WHO CAN'T DO SHIT. IF YOU CAN'T HELP JUST SHUT YOUR DAMN SHITHOLE. DEVS, LOOK WITH ME. MARKET GIRL PREPARE A FUCKING POST-MORTEM MAIL. BOSS GET THE CLIENT ON THE PHONE AND STALE. DO. YOUR. FUCKING. JOBS.

That's how I ended up screaming at everyone... the rest of the night went in complete silence and I fixed the issue 2min after the got quiet or busy.

Recently made an account on Instagram.
Uploaded two pics
Deleted both of them
Now I've -2 posts

Client: Can I speak to the developer responsible for my website?
Developer: Speaking...
Client: You have a deep voice for a 5 year old.

Swithced to Ubuntu, this is my first ever OS outside of windows. Man I am loving this shit.

Bought my laptop with windows 8, was working like charm and then came windows 10, I updated it and it was working fine untill they started releasing the patch updates. My laptop became slow as fuck, taking forever to boot and bitch was I afraid to connect to my wifi fearing the background data consumption and the antivirus clogging the ram.

I am free now, I am finally free. I am ready suck the developer's dick just to please him for this masterpiece and helping me get out of this misery.

OH: "We reduced daily standups to tuesday and thursday. Otherwise we have to stand up too much and this nearly counts as sport."

How does one get 3-5 years of experience if every job requires 3-5 years of experience? 🤔

“If it happens once, it’s a bug.
If it happens twice, it’s a feature.
If it happens more than twice, it’s a design philosophy.”

Annoyingly typical office conversation:

Person 1: "Good morning."
Person 2: "Good morning, how are you?"
Person 1: "Good. How are you?"
Person 2: "Good."
Person 1: "Good."

NO! Not good, fuckers. I hear this all day long, come up with something real or original. Talk about the massive shit you just took, or how hard you're taking the news about Diablo Immortal. It reminds me of that scene in Office Space with the repetitive call center lady, lol.

Something's not right.

True true 😂

Client: Where are we with the project, it's been a week and I see nothing.

Me: You asked me to do something that was not in the agreed scope of work, which has kept me from starting on the project.

Client: Do I need to plan out everything in advance on paper for you to get it done in a timely manner?

Me: Is that a serious question? Yes, you should. That's the whole point of creating a scope of work. It's to allow me to schedule out the time necessary to build out a product in a "timely manner".

Client: I don't appreciate your attitude. This is not how you should be doing business if you like making money.

Me: I don't appreciate your condescending, unreasonable, dickhead mentality that makes you think it's remotely okay to act like you're better than me. Money doesn't grant you the right to be a dickwad, and just because I'm being paid doesn't mean I have to put up with any level of arrogance or disrespect.

I am in this business to make money, but not at the cost of my dignity and self-respect. You will be receiving a full refund later today, not because I have to provide a refund, but because I never want to communicate with you ever again moving forward. Take your unacceptable bullshit somewhere else.

If you use a light theme for your IDE then...

I don’t, like, hate you.

But it don’t understand you.

Where is the LAN cable and why the hell does my chair not...

Oh.

New devRant web app for desktop is now live! (https://devrant.com - the .com will now redirect to feed if you are logged in) Let us know what you think, and especially if you spot any bugs (very likely some slipped through). Some cool new features are still in development, will be out shortly.

Found this in a API from a big company. NDA prevent me from telling the name.
if(index < 1024 && index > 1024)