spot.scare().shitOutOf(me)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Pushed to master on a Friday!

My last promotion was a 2% raise for a hell of a lot more responsibility

Guess who's updating their CV 🙃

Here we go again!

      

Answer to all bosses, managers and TLs...

They're getting lazier and lazier. Smh

How language creators choose the function to get the size of an array..

I mean, the life could be more simple, this is just an example.

Drunk me coding.
Next day: WTF, dude…?

no one can hack this site, its soooooo saaaaafe hahahaha

It's FOSS

I'm the biggest dumbass, the laziest procrastinator I know of..

Joined devRant in June 2017, got eligible for the stickers in a week's time, sent a mail requesting them, but never received it. Given the size of our community, I thought I'm way behind in the list and probably receive them in few months. After a year, I totally forgot about it.

But, the colossal stupid that I am, had also lost the key to my mailbox (the physical one). I never cared about the lost key, because who sends post these days !!!

When I finally got a duplicate key for my mailbox after 2 years, guess what I found.. a first class international mail from devRant which arrived on July 2017 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️, couple of weeks after I originally requested

But, yay... I finally got them..

Before we talk about building 5G-networks, how about we first get fucking 2G everywhere.
You guess right, I'm from Germany.

I feel attacked...

The hypocrisy is tangable.

Me: *hours of coding, develops a feature*
Code: I'm working..
Me: Oh good.. will monitor you for sometime.
Code: Ok, I'm done. I'll stop working now.
Me: WTF

Me: *sits for hours to solve bugs*
And when almost done,
VPN: Someone's having a good day, I'll disconnect you now.
Me: WTF

Me: *tries switching on/off VPN couple of times..*
When it starts to connect,
WIFI: Oh wait!! It's my turn to bid goodbye now. Have a nice day sir
Me: Of course !! The wifi

Me: *restarts router/ troubleshoot etc*
When wifi says connected...
Battery: Good job with wifi.. I'm down now..what you gonna do?
Me: Are you fucking kidding me???

Me: *connects charger, wait for laptop to switch on*
Windows: Updating....
Me: *jumps out window*

*In a team meeting*

Me: *happily jotting down notes in markdown*

Other guy: "Dude what are you doing? Pay attention."
Me: "Umm... I'm taking notes?"
Other guy: "But why does your MS Word have black background?"
Me (a bit lost): "Umm... That's not Word. That's my text editor."
Other guy: "Alright... But how do you convert your notes into Word then?"
Me: "... I don't."
Other guy: *stares at me*
Me: * stare back*

It was a nice conversation.

Leave work with two working monitors at my desk, come back the next day to one monitor and a missing HDMI cable. Find out marketing took it for a presentation, don't get it back for three weeks. Finally get it back for a day, become super happy to finally have both monitors again. Come back the next day and PM has stolen my HDMI again, no extra HDMI cables in entire office. Apparently HDMI cables are valued like gold around these parts.

I did it! I told her. I admitted that I have a crush on her. It was awesome, we were in her room, chilling and having Belgian beer and looking over at the beautiful dome of Les Invalids and the lights of Paris through her window. It was raining a little bit. All perfect.
I told her how I really enjoyed her company and how I found her really cool and interesting and how I had a not so small crush on her. She was very surprised but she was glad I told her. I'm really proud that I did something so big.

Oh, she said no btw.

My 14 year old self stared at Chrome and decided to consult Google on a random fleeting thought...

"How is software made?"

The search resulted in my downloading Visual Studio. Without any understanding of what it was or how it worked I somehow managed to create a new Winforms project.

I started to drag controls from the ToolBox onto the form, and I specifically recall thinking "Wow! This is easy.". Little did I know...

I then inadvertently double clicked either a control or the form which as most will know switches from the designer view to the code editor taking you to the code that drives the form.

"What the hell is this?"

I had absolutely no idea what I was looking at, but decided I was determined to understand what all of that random text did.

So, yeah, my first dev project was a Winforms App consisting of a single button that did absolutely nothing, but yet happens to be the most important app I have ever created.

To think I'd be working in an entirely different sector if it wasn't for that one Google search.

Haha... That's so true

Security level 99

worth it
http://expensivecheesegrater.com

Pro tip: If you are a junior, or senior but new at the company, don't start your conversations with:

"We're doing X wrong. At my previous company we did / at school I learned /in this book I read / according to this talk I watched, the right way to do X is ..."

Instead try:

"I'm curious why were doing X this way. I'm used to doing it differently."

I love flat-hierarchy teams, and people who think about flaws in procedures and proactively try to improve the tools we use are awesome, but the next kid walking up to me yelling we use git flow "wrong" will be smacked in the face with a keyboard.

If you come to me with curiosity and an open mind, I'll explain, and even return the favor by behaving the same way when I'm baffled by your seemingly retarded implementations.

Maybe we can learn from each other, maybe discover that "how I learned it" is sometimes good, sometimes bad.

But let's start with some social skills, not kicking off into every debate with a stretched leg and a red face.

Mewww .......

This happened when I was on third semester of the career at university. I had my first boyfriend, the "Python" guy. He has that nickname because he used Python as his main programming language and nobody on the classroom used it.

In a few words, he was a... horrible human being. He talked down to me almost all the time, saying to me that my country was sh*t (he is from United States, and for a reason he never wanted to told me, he cannot go back to his country), that my university was sh*t and he said "you're will be lucky if you rot programming in a chair".

As you might wondering, yes, unfortunately it was a toxic relationship. Once he said he wanted to kill the teacher because he though that he hacked his laptop D:

He claimed that he was going to teach me python and security stuff, bla bla bla, but nothing. I learned python by my own.

I almost lost my faith in dev future because I though that the only ones that could have a real future in programming where people without ethics and only if they have a friend or a relative on a company.

The saddest part was that I dated him because I love smart boys, but he was just an idiot that, furthermore, wanted to change me (he pressured me to have tattoos, dye my hair and have sex, things that, of course, I didn't do).

I found courage to break up with him. I waited until the semester ends (in order not to lose my programming final projects) and, the day after the last day of class, I broke up with him.

I recovered my faith on programming when, next semester, one of the teachers invited me to give a python programming workshop :D and I gave two python workshops, and two of mobile development.

Now I'm working as a junior .NET developer. Thank God I broke up with him before the relationship became even worse. "Python" wanted to marry me after a year! O_O

True history... (I find in twitter)

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ (\__/)
   ⠀　 (•ㅅ•) my mentor defending
　＿ノ ヽ ノ＼ ＿ my code to the team
/　`/ ⌒Ｙ⌒ Ｙ　ヽ
( 　(三ヽ人　 /　　 |
|　ﾉ⌒＼ ￣￣ヽ　 ノ   
ヽ＿＿＿＞､＿＿_／
　 ｜( 王 ﾉ〈 (\__/)
　 /ﾐ`ー―彡 \ (•ㅅ•) me

Today I learnt from a more experienced Dev that using git as versioning system makes the code open source.

I recently met a young fella (14yo) playing League of Legends. He asked:
- What do you do for a living?
- I'm a programmer, do you know anything about programming?
- I don't, actually.

Apparently he was playing from a LAN Gaming center 'cause he didn't have a computer at home (his computer had broken and these Lan centers are pretty affordable).
I figured I could explain to him what was it and what super powers you could get from it. Turns out I recommended a JS course in codecademy and now he goes to the LAN center every day to study programming (he got really into it!).
Now he always pings me with questions about JS and apparently he's learning a ton! He had almost no English skills too (we're Brazilian), and because most of the material in the internet is in English he found himself some free English courses and he's now taking them!

Knowledge is free on the internet and I guess he's just realized that.

Not exactly a rant guys, just figured it was a nice story to tell :)
#TeachAKidHowToCode