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I might have posted this before. But I am going to post it again. Because emojis.
Me: 😁 Software lead I have finished coding the thing.
SL: 😀 Cool, good job. That is going to really help out the analysts.
Software Manager: 😐 hey I noticed you have coded a new thing and pushed it to integration.
Me: 😁 Yes.
SM: 😐 Well how do you know when it's done?
Me: 😑 . . . When you run it and it does the thing?
SM: 😐 Did you write test steps?
Me: 😕 Yeah . . . they're in the issue ticket.
SM: 😐 Yeah but how do you know those are right?
Me: 😕 Because I wrote the thing and the test steps?
SM: 😐 did you put any steps in our acceptance test procedure?
Me: 😕 No.
SM: 😐 why not?
Me: 😧 Because the acceptance test procedure tests requirements. There is no requirement for this functionality.
SM: 😑 Then why did you do it?
Me: 🤔 Because it was an internal request from the analysis team. There is no customer impact here.
SM: 😑 I really think we should write a requirement.
SL: 🤔 But what requirement is he going to attach this to?
SM: 😑 We don't have to attach it to a requirement. We can just test it once and remove it.
Me: 😒 SM, you know we never remove anything from the acceptance test procedure.
SM: 🙂 We do sometimes.
SL: 🤔 When was that I have worked here for twenty years and we have never removed a test from that document.
SM: 😑
SL: 😒
SM: 😑
SL: 😒
Me: 🤐
SM: 😧 I really think there should be an acceptance test written.
SL: 😧 Looks like you're writing an acceptance test.
Me: 😒 Alright as long as y'all're payin'. Shit I was just tryin' to save y'all money.
*acceptance test written and sent to peer review*
Peer: 😐 The requirement tested section doesn't have any requirements spelled out.
Me: 😅 No.
Peer: 🤔 Why?
Me: 😓 Because there is no requirement associated with this test.
Peer: 🤔 Then why are we adding an acceptance test?
Me: 😡 WELL AIN'T THAT A GOOD GOD DAMN QUESTION!?6 -
LinkedIn is an alternative reality unhooked from the rest of the world, where hypocrisy and arrogance meet, creating Leaders, Experts and Analysts.
- Every company is an industry leader globally.
- Every offer is life-changing.
- Every normal person suddenly is an expert in his field
- Each candidate is an expert in time management, customer relationships, and software development priorities.
- They are all happy to share their achievements in a disinterested way
- They all deal with important issues, with great reflections on the meaning of life and reality around us
- Each written post usually starts with a question followed by a life experience
- Companies are dynamic, they change their internal processes on a daily basis
Please shoot me, I've had enough of this shit.
- Few companies are leaders globally
- The offers you make are traps and I always have to look for where the bullshit is.
- You're not an expert in your field if you've been doing the same thing for 10 years without moving your ass out of that chair.
- If you were a time management expert, I wouldn't have to call you every week for unresolved tasks, and I wouldn't even have to do 150 meetings to postpone the goals set. Exactly what is your experience with the customer? Because by heart shutting up and always saying yes is not a good way to get the job done.
- I have great news for you. Nobody gives a shit about your work successes. At most they're envious.
- If you really are such a deep and introspective person... how the fuck is it that working with you is hell?
- Copying a quote from a website and then building a narrative on it doesn't automatically make you a superstar
- Companies, especially the largest ones, take years to change and if they do it is because there is the economic motivation behind it, not because they are visionaries.
This rant was written by scrolling through my LinkedIn feed.15 -
Microsoft Excel - it created a generation of business analysts who think just because they can write convoluted spaghetti logic in excel that it makes them a programmer.5
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First, they came for those who Open Source'd code.
And I did not speak out, because my code could never be used by anyone out of the company, anyway.
Then, they came for the Trade Unionists.
And I did not speak out, because I was not in a union.
Then, they came for those who worked from home.
And I did not speak out, because I was granted an exception.
Then, they came for Scrum Masters and other Agile practitioners.
And I did not speak out, because fuck those spreadsheet jockeys productivity thespians.
Then, they came for in-house Data Analysts and Data Engineers.
And there was no one left to speak out for us.
Yeah, folks. The day finally came. I'm officially updating my LinkedIn and putting a ridiculous sash under my picture, "open to work". The Layoffs came for me, too.6 -
If you're going to request CRITICAL changes to thousands of records in the database, and approve it through testing which is done on an exact replica of production, then tell me it was done incorrectly after the fact it has been implemented and you didn't actually review the changes made to the data or business logic that you requested then you are an idiot. Our staging environment is there to ensure all the changes are accurate you useless human. Its the data you provided, I didn't just magically pull it from thin air to make yours and my job a pain the ass.9
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Got pulled out of bed at 6 am again this morning, our VMs were acting up again. Not booting, running extremely slow, high disk usage, etc.
This was the 6 time in as many weeks this happened. And always the marching orders were the same. Find the bug, smash the bug, get it working with the least effort. I've dumped hundreds of hours maintaining this broken shitheap of a system, putting off other duties to keep mission critical stations running.
The culprits? Scummy consultants, Windows 10 1709, and Citrix Studio.
Xen Server performed well enough, likely due to its open source origins and Centos architecture.
Whelp. DasSeahawks was good and pissed. Nothing like getting rousted out of bed after a few scant hours rest for patching the same broken system.
DasSeahawks lost his temper. Things went flying. Exorcists were dispatched and promptly eaten.
Enough. No consultants, no analysts, and no experts touched it. No phone calls, no manuals, not even a google search. Just a very pissed admin and his minion declaring blitzkrieg.
We made our game plan, moved the users out, smoked our cigs, chugged monster, and queued a gnu-metal playlist on spotify.
Then we took a wrecking ball to the whole setup. User docs were saved, all else was rm -r * && shred && summon -u Poseidon -beast Land_Cracken.
Started at 3pm and finished just after midnight. Rebuilt all the vms with RDP, murdered citrix studio (and their bullshit licenses), completely blocked Windows 10 updates after 1607, and load balanced the network.
So what do we get when all the experts are fired? Stabbed lightning. VMs boot in less than 10 seconds, apps open instantly, and server resources are half their previous usage state. My VMs are now the fastest stations in our complex, as they should be.
Next to do: install our mxgpu, script up snapshots and heartbeat, destroy Windows ads/telemetry, and setup PDQ. damn its good to be good!
What i learned --> never allow testing to go to production, consultants will fuck up your shit for a buck, and vendors are half as reliable over consultants. Windows works great without Microsoft, thin clients are overpriced, and getting pissed gets things done.
This my friends, is why admins are assholes.4 -
Who am I?
Some of you, because of the hyperbolic, outrageous, trollish, and often self-satirical nature of my posts, might doubt me. Thats completely relatable.
Heres the truth:
I was diagnosed in childhood with ADHD, fucking everyone, every male, these days is diagnosed with that. I was diagnosed bipolar. Hell anyone reading my posts could see that from a mile away. I was diagnosed on the borderline personality spectrum. Yeah, I could see that.
I was tested. They said I was in the 98th percentile for clerical ability, not extraordinary but pretty good, mathematical ability a little higher than that. My SAT was 1491. Not yale material, but I coulda been someone.
Over the years I studied a LOT of politics and read a metric fuckton of books. (40+ books over the course of three years).
I predicted every single presidential election since bush juniors second election. Three supreme court picks. Senatorial elections. Congresional elections. More than that.
I have a better analysis track record than some of the multidecade analysts sitting in the fucking NSA.
No I am not shitting you. No I am not exaggerating.
It's about the only claim to fame I get to legitimately make.
People ask me, "then why aren't you famous?"
How do you know I'm not.
Look I'm gonna tell you my actual name.
My real name is Lawrence B. Lindsey
Okay, I'm bullshitting for fun. But words I have written on alt twitter accounts have legitimately come out of presidential hopeful's mouths. No, this I am *not* bullshitting you about.
Imagine that. A guy who lived in his parents attic for five years, writing words that came out of presidential candidates mouths.
At one time I was about as popular and influential as that fuckboy catturd.
yes, really. No I am not fucking joking.
Under normal conditions I wouldn't talk about this or reveal it, because who the fuck cares? I'm just some dude on the internet, drunk, both on alcohol, and the pseudo-anonymous equivalent of bragging rights.
You know how many women I turned down because I could? You know how fucking drunk I am? They say a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Well, I'm not usually honest like this because the internet is full of false braggarts, and you tell people the truth and they don't fucking believe you.
I swear, it seems like I made some faustian bargain at some time, and can achieve no fame or lasting wealth in my life--to save my life.
Shit, I was talking to a chinese women who ran a bank in china (yes, really), who advised me to buy into bitcoin early on. Didn't have the money to. Woulda been a fucking millionaire if I did.
*Non-obvious* Ideas that major corporations are now persuing? Yeah those were sitting in my card index since the early 2000s.
I helped two people build and sell businesses. One for me tens of thousands. Another for millions. Yes, really. Got zero, and I mean, *zero* credit for it.
Point is, doesn't matter how famous you are, or coulda been, Doesn't matter the ideas you have, or had.
The world doesn't promote runners-up, or hasbeens, or wannabes, or could-bes.
What matters is execution.
If you're wandering through life, wondering when you're lucky break will be, stop. You have to realize, you make your own luck. Recognize the difference between what you can control, and what you can, and work on promoting your own ideas or business or values, instead of other people's dreams.
And for those wondering, yes I am drunk, and no, I ain't fucking kidding you in anything I wrote here.
The most important lesson I learned is this:
First work on your own success, before you work on the success of others.
p.s.
I give surprisingly good advice for someone who doesn't benchmark well on traditional measures of success. I know, even I was shocked when I looked at the statistics.30 -
At work, my closest relation is with the DBA. Dude is a genius when it comes to proper database management as well as having a very high level of understanding concerning server administration, how he got that good at that I have no clue, he just says that he likes to fuck around with servers, Linux in particular although he also knows a lot about Windows servers.
Thing is, the dude used to work as a dev way back when VB pre VB.NET was all the rage and has been generating different small tools for his team of analysts(I used to be a part of his team) to use with only him maintaining them. He mentioned how he did not like how Microsoft just said fk u to VB6 developers, but that he was happy as long as he could use VB. He relearned how to do most of the GUI stuff he was used to do with VB6 into VB.NEt and all was good with the world. I have seen his code, proper OOP practices and architectural decisions, etc etc. Nothing to complain about his code, seems easy enough to extend, properly documented as well.
Then he got with me in order to figure out how to breach the gap between building GUI applications into web form, so that we could just host those apps in one of our servers and his users go from there, boy was he not prepared to see the amount of fuckery that we do in the web development world. Last time my dude touched web development there was still Classic ASP with JScript and VBScript(we actually had the same employer at one point in the past in which I had to deal with said technology, not bad, but definitely not something I recommend for the current state of web development) and decided that the closest thing to what he was used was either PHP(which he did not enjoy, no problem with that really, he just didn't click with the language) and WebForms using VB.NET, which he also did not like on account of them basically being on support mode since Microsoft is really pushing for people to adopt dotnet core.
After came ASP.NET with MVC, now, he did like it, but still had that lil bug in his head that told him that sticking to core was probably a better idea since he was just starting, why not start with the newest and greatest? Then in hit(both of us actually) that to this day Microsoft still not has command line templates for building web applications in .net core using VB.NET. I thought it was weird, so I decided to look into. Turns out, that without using Razor, you can actually build Web APIs with VB.NET just fine if you just convert a C# template into VB.NET, the process was...err....tricky, and not something we would want to do for other projects, with that in we decided to look into Microsoft's reasons to not have VB.NET. We discovered how Microsoft is not keeping the same language features between both languages, having crown C# as the language of choice for everything Microsoft, to this point, it seems that Microsoft was much more focused in developing features for the excellent F# way more than it ever had for VB.NET at this point and that it was not a major strategy for them to adapt most of the .net core functionality inside of VB, we found articles when the very same Microsoft team stated of how they will be slowly adding the required support for VB and that on version 5 we would definitely have proper support for VB.NET ALTHOUGH they will not be adding any new development into the language.
Past experience with Microsoft seems to point at them getting more and more ready to completely drop the language, it does not matter how many people use it, they would still kill it :P I personally would rather keep it, or open source the language's features so that people can keep adding support to it(if they can of course) because of its historical significance rather than them just completely dropping the language. I prefer using C#, and most of my .net core applications use C#, its very similar to Java on a lot of things(although very much different in others) and I am fine with it being the main language. I just think that it sucks to leave such a large developer pool in the shadows with their preferred tool of choice and force them to use something else just like that.
My boy is currently looking at how I developed a sample api with validation, user management, mediatR and a custom project structure as well as a client side application using React and typescript swappable with another one built using Angular(i wanted to test the differences to see which one I prefer, React with Typescript is beautiful, would not want to use it without it) and he is hating every minute of it on account of how complex frontend development has become :V
Just wanted to vent a little about a non bothersome situation.6 -
Everyone is remote working and executives keep telling non-technical to push their communications into shared channels in Microsoft Teams.
It forces analysts and managers to ask questions plainly. They are getting developer input quickly so aren’t wasting time on in-person meetings. The higher ups see how little many produce. Developers are busy churning out software as usual and responding to technical questions.
Our CEO said something in a channel that suggested he is considering downsizing the management and adding more developers. 😱 The response was that analysts and managers packed the developer schedules with online meetings and are trying to initiate more documentation work.3 -
Goldman Sachs analysts - hey, please could we stop working 95 hour weeks? It's really getting silly.
David Solomon - Hey, I'm really glad you brought this up! But screw you. Work harder.
...yeah. Even ignoring the morality of the situation, that was a commercially stupid move. I can't think of a single person that would now want to apply there, analyst or not. Can't help but feeling they've lost a lot of potentially great dev talent over the coming months & years.6 -
Fiddling with the UiPath RPA tool. What the fuck is this monster?
So, you create apps by drawing a flowchart, like some kid using Scratch. Then, suddenly, you have to create a .NET object just to get a random number!
Who the fuck is the target audience that can create objects, call a directory read function, etc, but can't write a loop?! Show me that fucking person.
Then I have to debug the fucking selectors when they don't work correct. All this requires is understanding how UIs are structured under the hood. So, you know that a menu bar is a window, but you need to draw a fucking if statement?!
And how would you debug and manage this monstrosity?
It like we learned nothing from all the Excel apps we build for decades.
I mean, it's an impressive app. But, why does it exist?
Someone needs to stop this before it gets out into the wild or we'll all be debugging flowchart a created by business analysts.
You have been warned. Join the fight or accept the consequences.1 -
Can someone explain to me why non-technical people even work in tech companies ??
I really don't want to sound like an asshole, but can you, for example, imagine that someone who doesn't even know what brick is would work on a construction site ?
Or can you imagine working in bike repair shop not knowing neither how to ride a bike nor how's bike is built ?
Sure, every company (especially large ones) needs bookkeepers/HRs/accountants etc. that don't need to know the inner workings of business.
Those people don't bother me, and they are necessary to keep the circus going.
I'm talking about all those middle management individuals.
All those "Project Managers" , "Business Analysts", "Directors' , "Principal Program Managers " etc etc ..
Such thing thing would be unthinkable in every other industry but somehow, in tech, anyone can work as long as they can throw a sufficient number of acronyms around.7 -
Python devs and data analysts....
Do you recommend using pycharm for working with jupyter notebooks? I surely had a bad time with it.
I have been using many jetbrains softwares , and am a fan of their docs search and autocompletion. But I don't think there is a full support for jupyter jn it, because sometimes my graphs made using matploit or seaborn just brakes.
And some libraries have a lot of functions taking parameters as " *args, **kwargs " , I don't know what that means but those function take a lot of "value" parameters i guess?(like this: plt.figure(figsize=[13,6], axis=False) )
Pycharm also don't seem to have access to list of those arguments...
Are you having such problems too? Have you found some better ide with autocompletions and support for jupyter? Do tell.
(Ps: i know jupyter can be run directly on a browser, but as i said "auto completions and documentations" )5 -
The new project is still in the analysis phase and I can already smell failure, just based on the interaction between analysts.
1 -
If our company wants to outsource us to other clients then why don't we just resign and directly work there instead!!!!
Seriously we apply here as developers not consultants/analysts/researchers2 -
Boss(non-technical) complains we are behind the schedule he set without consulting the tech team, the complains we don't all(including BAs) don't do code review. CHOOSE!
*Note: I am not bashing code review*2 -
Forgive me Linus for I have sinned. It has been since the dawn of time since my last confession.
I hardcoded naming conventions for file names into a script that is used to remove incorrect lines of text that are created during our process to create the files that we send out so that healthcare claims get paid correctly and copy and pasted the code for each new state’s health plan since the users(who are supposed to be technically inclined as they’re in IT as support analysts) can barely figure out how to set up the excel file to remove the lines. There are now 18 files of the same python script with different US States’ names.2 -
Ugh there's little to no labor laws for developers.
Sometimes they don't even list software development as an industry.
We don't really analyze business finances, but we create tools that help real analysts to gather data and visualize economic trends. We don't really teach kids, but we create tools for schools. We're not in retail, but our cusomters are.
"Oh I know! You're an **electrician**. I'll put you next to the people who install air conditioning."
"How about... storage services?" I say "we storage our customer's data. At least that is accurate."
"Oh yeah like wholesale!"
"I recommend you write down telecomuncations." I mean, we do use HTTP if that's what you mean, but would you call a restaurant to be in the telecommunications industry just because they have social media accounts?3 -
People who freak out and think they have been hacked when you send a message to them on the prod server using the wall command should not be allowed SSH access.
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Thread about Quality Analysts/Testers!
I've seen that Managers and HR get a lot of shit thrown their way but I'm surprised to see no love for our QA friends
What was your worst experience with a QA/Software Tester? When was the last time you felt like punching your monitor over an argument with them?
If you're a QA, what has been your worst experience with developers?6 -
It really grinds my gears when new hires just start adding themselves to every fucking slack channel and then start crapping up the channel history with irrelevant chatter.
Business Analysts and Project Managers do not need to be in #developers sending mock-ups to a UI/UX designer for one team, or posting an xkcd strip you found on the internet because you "got it" and you think you are proving that you are one of us by posting it there. This channel isn't a fucking club, its where ALL developers at this company across all teams share tools and practices for us to maintain consistency and best practices and to improve our craft, or to give a heads-up about vulnerabilities.
There is a specific channel for your role, and your project. You don't need to be everywhere and in every conversation. And for fuck's sake, PLEASE stop @someone adding people to these channels just because you think you saw something in there posted by someone else that they should see. You can just fucking share that message directly with that person, or in another channel.8 -
Sometimes I really hate offshore desktop support... yes I know Visual Studio 15 was installed, and works. But now Python tools was uninstalled in a forced update that corrupted my VS and now I can't install PTVS(not that I need VS has the vim emulator that I can install at work, it's a whole mess of weird security policies.) fucking hate windows and visual studio. Fucking listen what Im telling you the issue is. I need your dumbass to uninstall this shit software so I can do a clean install since the shitty as software management system doesn't so shit when it say's "uninstalling".
On a side note, this fuckwit just tried to explain what the screenshot tool and how to use it... it's only pinned to my taskbar and menu for shits and gigs since I don't use it everyday to tell the stupid data entry analysts I deal with to fuck off. -
In the kingdom of aws reigns the Owner of Products.
In his court many a vassal noble (or a "sre" as they are often called) delivers their tribute.
Wise ministers (called "analysts" in these here parts) advice the Owner of Products on how to instruct his sres and where to lead the kingdom.
Needless to say, in the court the blabber is endless and the egos of the courtiers, deservedly or not, are even larger.
But there is but one member of the court, leader of none but master of japes, who dares to mock not just the courtiers, but even the Owner of Products.
Tester the Jester, from the houses of Operations Research and Quality Assurance.
There is a unique relationship between a ruler and his jester. The jester mocks the ruler, with the most outlandish of propositions, with the most malicious interpretations of the ruler's orders, evidencing the most absurd (but mathematically viable) results of a plan.
The jester makes ridicule of the ruler's edicts... so that the Owner of Products may remain humble, without need to defer to any upstart courtier.
And, in a more subtile manner, the jester prevents any courtier from maliciously complying with the edicts of the ruler.
For all in the court have heard how the lowest among them voiced the preposterous interpretation... And dare not show themselves to be even lower.
TL;DR had an all-hands meeting of tech leaders with the allmighty PO. In the meeting there is this bloke who apparently spends all his time just fucking with the bigwigs' ideas. Dude is a department of one. It seems that his whole job is being an outlandish scenario simulator & sarcasm artist. I now have way more respect for this place. -
First rant eva since stalking the feed for weeks:
When you do everything in Production and the Integration Analysts want it done in Staging and Int 2 days before go live.
??? ???4 -
I'm very sad.
I don't pretend to work on the next Facebook, Google search engine or something else.
I would to be part of something useful.
But i work in a shitty company where quality, architecture planning and TDD are underrated.
Only to build very simple webapplications, where things you take for granted like server side input or a simple error page without java stacktrace are missing or not planned properly.
We have functional analysts, but worst specs ever.
I hate all of this... -
Successfully moved out of my current team and got assigned in Business Analyst track of my organization. Now that I’ve joined the dark side, should I stop using DevRant? Or is it a fairly technical role as well?6
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Who the fuck authorizes a new build to be pushed at 430pm on a friday and then demands full regression testing be done immediately regardless of how long it takes? Fucking analysts shouldn't be allowed to dictate the schedule if they don't understand the effort required behind the scenes.
99% of the time I wouldn't care but I'm the only tester with DB access and I'm supposed to go on the first date I've had in months tonight at 6.
#HelloDarknessMyOldFriend2 -
for fellow Data Scientists/Analysts..
I was wondering...which is the longest maintained time series data of all time? i am just learning about trends, seasonality , etc in a time series, and wondered if the pattern still exists in fairly large data, like for 100 years or 100,000 days or if our present forcasting models like arma/ arima would cover them -
!rant
Was too much into jquery, and so when I started my job I made everyone think jquery is the boss and stuff (my team is full of data engineers and business analysts.. No one understands code)
But now, based on my previous rant, I feel I should switch the entire project from a node/express structure with jquery to one with angular2
Does it make sense? Please advice... I am nervous of losing my job coz of this
(even now I hate typescript but I see why angular2 is better than jquery.. So I'll learn it all)13 -
all this talk of australian crypto laws got me thinking. here's a hypothetical (this might get a little complicated):
for the sake of the security facade, the government decides to not ban encryption outright. BUT they decide that all crypto will use the same key. therefore you can not directly read encrypted things, but it's not really encrypted anymore is it?
part two: there's a concept called chicken sexing, named after people who determine the sex of baby chicks. male chicks are pretty useless and expensive to keep alive, so they are eaten. female chicks go on to lay eggs, so ideally, from a financial standpoint, you only raise hens to maturity. this is nearly impossible to discern early on so at first you're just straight up guessing. is this one female? sure? that one? no? really 50/50. BUT if you have a skilled chicken sexer looking over your shoulder, saying right or wrong, then eventually you get better. why? nobody knows. they can't explain it. nobody can. you just sort of "know" when it's female or not. some people can do 1000s of chicks/hr with success up to 98% but nobody can explain how to tell them apart.
part three. final part:
after years, even decades of using this encryption with only one key, I wonder if people (even if only people who are regularly exposed to crypto like NSA analysts or cryptographers) can ever learn to understand it. in the same way as above. you don't know exactly what it says. or how you know it. you didn't run an algorithm in your head or decrypt it. but somehow you get the gist.
28464e294af01d1845bcd21 roughly translates to "just bought a PS5! WOOT!" or even just pick out details. PS5. excited. bought.
but how do you know that? idk. just do.
oh what a creepy future it has become.8 -
I've been working on an issue on and off for the past few weeks. The QA tests failed, so the ball is back in my court again. The data our analysts are testing from comes from a mysterious spreadsheet that no one knows where it came from, while my data is coming from some obscure database table. After asking around it turns out that the table hasn't been maintained for who knows how long, and nobody really knows what the data is used for... I feel like a freaking archaeologist.2
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No matter how many times I educate them, my colleagues still end up confused between writing conditions in join statement and in where statement.
They think they're both same :'( -
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Instagram has grown into one of the most powerful social media platforms for businesses, influencers, and brands. With over 1 billion active users, it presents a vast opportunity for marketing, brand awareness, and customer engagement. However, succeeding on Instagram requires more than just posting images. This is where an Instagram marketing agency comes into play, offering professional strategies and services to enhance visibility, engagement, and conversion rates.
What an Instagram Marketing Agency Does
An Instagram marketing agency is a specialized firm that helps businesses, brands, and influencers optimize their presence on Instagram. Their primary role includes content creation, account management, audience engagement, paid advertising, and analytics tracking. These agencies have experienced social media marketers, content creators, and analysts who work together to ensure a brand stands out in a competitive digital landscape.
Key Functions of an Instagram Marketing Agency:
Content Strategy Development: Creating tailored content strategies to align with a brand’s goals.
Graphic Design and Visual Content Creation: Producing high-quality images, videos, reels, and stories.
Audience Engagement: responding to comments, messages, and engaging with the audience.
Hashtag Research & Implementation: Finding the best hashtags to maximize reach and engagement.
Influencer Collaborations: Connecting brands with relevant influencers to expand reach.
Advertising and Paid Promotions: Running targeted ad campaigns for better conversion rates.
Analytics and Performance Tracking: Monitoring engagement, reach, and other key performance metrics.
Instagram Account Management Services
Instagram account management is an essential service offered by agencies to handle every aspect of a brand’s Instagram presence. It includes daily posting, responding to followers, strategizing content, and ensuring brand consistency.
Core Instagram Account Management Services:
Content Planning and Scheduling: Preparing a consistent posting calendar to maintain engagement.
Profile Optimization: Enhancing bio, profile picture, and highlights for better brand appeal.
Community Management: Engaging with followers through comments, DMs, and interactive content.
Story and Reel Creation: Utilizing Instagram’s features to enhance engagement.
Crisis Management: Handling negative comments, PR issues, or brand-related concerns efficiently.
Best Instagram Marketing Strategies
The success of Instagram marketing depends on the implementation of effective strategies. The best agencies employ advanced techniques to optimize results.
Top Strategies Used by Instagram Marketing Agencies:
Consistent Branding: ensuring cohesive visuals, colors, and messaging.
Content Diversification: mixing images, videos, reels, carousels, and live videos.
User-Generated Content: encouraging followers to create content that features the brand.
Instagram Stories & Highlights: Engaging audiences with behind-the-scenes content, polls, and Q&As.
Collaborations & Partnerships: Partnering with influencers and other brands.
Shoppable Posts: Utilizing Instagram Shopping for direct sales.
SEO and Hashtag optimization: using relevant hashtags and keywords to improve discoverability.
A/B Testing for Ads: Running multiple ad variations to determine the most effective approach.
Benefits of Hiring an Instagram Marketing Agency
Businesses and influencers gain numerous advantages by outsourcing their Instagram marketing to professionals.
Key Benefits:
Expertise & Experience: Agencies have in-depth knowledge of Instagram’s algorithms and best practices.
Time-saving: Brands can focus on their core business while experts handle Instagram marketing.
Better Engagement & Growth: Professional strategies lead to higher engagement and follower growth.
Higher ROI on Ads: Paid campaigns are optimized for better conversions and lower costs.
Creative Content: Access to high-quality visuals, graphics, and videos.
Consistent Posting: Ensuring a steady stream of content for audience retention.
Choosing the Best Instagram Marketing Services
With so many agencies offering Instagram marketing services, it’s important to select the right one based on specific business needs.
Factors to Consider When Choosing an Instagram Marketing Agency:
Portfolio & Past Work: Reviewing previous campaigns to assess expertise.
Client Reviews & Testimonials: Checking customer feedback and satisfaction levels.
Customization & Personalization: Finding an agency that tailors services to individual brand needs.
Pricing & Packages: Comparing different service plans to fit the budget.
Technology & Tools: Ensuring the agency uses advanced analytics and automation tools.
Customer Support & Communication: Looking for agencies that provide prompt and clear communication.
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It was a rainy Tuesday evening when I sat at my desk, staring at the screen in disbelief. My Bitcoin months of careful savings had vanished into a shady investment scheme I’d fallen for. The website promised "guaranteed returns," but after sending 2 BTC, the platform went dark, and my wallet was empty. I felt like a fool, scammed by my own desperation for a quick profit. Days turned into weeks, and I’d nearly given up hope when a friend mentioned Alpha Spy Nest, a secretive group known for tracking down lost crypto. Skeptical but desperate, I reached out through an encrypted email I found on a forum. Within hours, a response arrived: “Send us the details. We’ll see what we can do.” I shared everything, the wallet address I’d sent my Bitcoin to, the fake platform’s URL, and the few screenshots I’d taken. Alpha Spy Nest didn’t waste time with pleasantries. Their next message was a list of questions: transaction IDs, dates, even the IP address I’d used. I scrambled to provide it all, unsure how they’d pull off the impossible. Behind the scenes, Alpha Spy Nest went to work. They were a shadowy crew, hackers, blockchain analysts, and who-knows-what-else, operating on the edges of the digital world. Using tools I couldn’t begin to understand, they traced my Bitcoin through a labyrinth of wallets designed to hide the trail. The scammers had funneled it through mixers, but Alpha Spy Nest unraveled the mess, linking it to an exchange account tied to a careless crook who’d left digital breadcrumbs. Days later, I got a message: “Check your wallet.” My hands trembled as I opened my crypto app. There it was 1.9 BTC, a hair less than I’d lost due to fees, but more than I’d ever dreamed of seeing again. A follow-up note from Alpha Spy Nest explained they’d pressured the scammer into returning it after exposing his identity to the exchange. “He folded fast,” they wrote. “Stay sharp next time.” I never met them, never even learned their real names. But that rainy night, Alpha Spy Nest turned my despair into a second chance. I swore I’d never fall for a scam again and that I’d keep their name close, just in case. whatsApp: +14159714490
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I want to share an incredible story of redemption and technological prowess that transformed my life after I fell victim to a devastating Bitcoin investment scam.Last year, I was enticed by the promise of high returns from what seemed like a legitimate crypto investment platform. I was so convinced and invested my life savings of $143,000, only to realize weeks later that it was a scam when I couldn't withdraw my supposed earnings. The platform went silent, and my funds vanished. Feeling helpless and with my savings gone, I scoured the internet for solutions.
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